18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[be...]]

Nova and drew, thank you. I was just doing some dishes and dropped a fork on the floor..I jumped so hard it felt like like I sprained every muscle in my body...oh well..hope this party ends for us soon.

[[dr...]]

Ok...Manic Drew Day continues.  By 8am I'm fetched coffee, filled the tank, refilled propane tank, bought items for the house, and got Halloween decorations .  Just returned from my massage. My masseuse couldn't believe how loose my shoulders and scalp were.  She asked what I did. I replied it's just me in a window. 

 

I'm actually worried as I feel too good.  Too much energy. I'm almost at "effortless mind".  I am totally engaged with strangers at checkout lines, cracking jokes, and laughing.  I know it will end. Home relaxing now. Watching Clemson Tech game.

[[No...]]

Sitting here trying to recall how hard the gut stuff I had way back when was ... and how gruesome panic can be for me ...

 

Not looking for a trip down memory lane ... rather need to help myself with this neck and head stuff ... too many rabbit holes out there right now ...

 

This neck stuff has morphed into a hard one for me ... triggering a lot of stuff ...

 

Had to re-open my bag of coping skills ... probably should not have put it away in the back of the closet ... 

 

 

[[dr...]]

Wow nova,,.so sorry you're in the soup to such a bad degree.  Really hoping it settles down asap. 

 

 

My super energy feeling has passed.  Fell asleep for a bit and have my old friend ear hissing. Hope nothing else comes to join that.

[[No...]]

Drew ... the physical stuff is rough right now ... and I have probably been through much worse ... just trying to stay off that slippery slope of health fear ...

 

One of my little demons is this voice of "helplessness" ...

 

For me, seems no matter how many times I have been through an episode, when a new one shows up I have to do all my woogie-woogie stuff all over again to stay in balance ...

 

We each have our own unique little dance with the benzo dragon ... we just need to remember we have survived each one that has come before and we will survive any more that may show up ...

 

BTW ... the tinnitus stuff ... I don't seem to pick up radio stations anymore ... used to be sometimes I could swear I was hearing a radio broadcast hidden in the tinnitus ... must have been all that chamomile tea ... 

[[dr...]]

So true nova... We all have our own method to working through each episode. I spelled out the Drew Method a few days or a week ago on this thread. I hope you get your footing back (which I know you will) to just ride the wave instead of swimming in the eddies.

[[Si...]]

I everyone. Haven't had time to post today. Not feeling great, but also not the worst I've felt (like my severe wave 2 weeks ago). I still had a hard time falling asleep last night, even though I barely slept the night before. Ended up taking some magnesium, which I haven't done in 4 or 5 months. No idea if it helped, but at least it didn't make my skin super hot like it did before. Probably fell asleep around 11pm and woke up at 5am. Fell back asleep until about 8am. As usual now, worried tonight will suck too.

 

We installed a microwave today. Took most of the day since we had to rerun wiring with a new outlet box. We ended up having to make two trips to the hardware store. We didn't realize we'd need some wood parts to help with blocking the cabinet recess underneath. So that's the reason for the second trip.

 

Glad you're feeling a little better drew. You an SEC football fan? My dad played football for tech back in the 60's. When I feel in a window I try to pack stuff into my schedule too.

 

Nova, sorry you're still getting hit. I've had the neck stuff for a while, but it's gotten worse lately. It's even going halfway down my spine with burning. I hate it.

 

Marj, yep work is really tough with no sleep. Went to work feeling the same way. I HATE the insomnia. It makes me so depressed. Never ever worried about sleep before taking the poison.

[[dr...]]

Sig-I'm a Miami fan and we have a big game against fsu tonight. Now that I live in NoCal I also root for Cal or Stanford if they're worthwhile to watch. Big game w Cal/Utah tonight. I think the Utes will win. Sec just usually has great teams to watch.  Pretty cool on your dad.

 

11-5 ain't bad on sleep. My usual is 6 and I'm lucky if I can fall back and steal another hour. Glad you're out of the wave. We are all doing this.

[[No...]]

Hi Siggy ... yep ... I have had the tight neck and head before ... this one is just a lot louder than the ones in the past and it doesn't pass in a couple of hours ...

 

Oh well ...

 

Good to hear you are having a good day ... 

[[Co...]]

Hey Nova....I missed your post last night....my sleep is i.proving for the time being....Wild dream you had sir. So sorry you are getting the painful cement shoulders, neck and back.

...I am also getting some return  visits of sx that I thought were almost gone.....some reflux, health fear, d/r....nothing like months 16 -20, but discouraging. I am thinking of starting a thread for myself and others who feel alllmmossst there....but not quite. I am hovering right at 85%-95%, but just not getting past that. I feel so close to healed, and for the most part my life is back, and I am not having mind shattering panic , but these lingering on again off again sx put me back on the couch from time to time....I hear the same frustration from others....

......Nova, I hear ya on the health fears..  mine are so much better, but when they circle round they can ruin an afternoon . We are going to be 100% at some point.  This last little bit wants to keep the pebbles under our poor sore feet... a few more steps to the soft warm sand.  Wishing you a better day with a little bit of bounce. .....coop

[[dr...]]

Hi coop!

[[Co...]]

Drew, ....very good to hear that you had a few days in a row of feeling the healing. That's exactly how things started changing for more reliable improvement for me ....a few better days in a row....some periods of giddy effortless mind that totally boosted my confidence in healing.....and then some iffy days again....but a return to better days....I have heard friends of mine say they love the Paleo diet and that it does help with inflammation. I am finding that any extra salt ramps me right up.. but the dairy in moderation doesn't seem to run me off the rails

    Enjoy the football....a very nice distraction from lingering sx....I am waiting for the return of Downtown Abbey... not until Jan....what's with that,!.....carry on Drew....coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah....yes, from time to time I ju.p out of my skin when the tv volume all of a sudden automatically ramps up for a c9mnercial....gets me every time....How are you doing?...How is the nerve pain?  We're getting there Beulah....just those pesky hanging on few last sx that seem to have taken root in our very being.  I am missing Green and Peace. ..I hope they are on infrequently due to having way more wonderful things going on in thier lives and have moved on with only a squinty eye glance to the rear view mirror

.....thinking of you dear friend and wishing you long long stretches of 100% days.... coop

[[Si...]]

Hey coop! Glad to hear you're getting closer and closer to the finish line.

[[Co...]]

Hi Sig..  yes, closer but can nudge past 85%... not complaining, I will definitely take it.  Would like to see the lingering on again off again mild to moderate sx let up for good.....Sig, 8 am glad to hear that you are shaking the 2 week wave.  I hope it holds....enjoy the football.....coop

[[dr...]]

Oh well...glorious window closed.  Sweating and have a glutamate storm going.

[[dr...]]

It was leading up to one of my visual auras....that too much energy feeling and the ear hissing. Ugh.  Be nice to just feel good without it being do to some migraine coming on. Oh we'll...relaxing in bed in darkness.  Nite all.

[[Mi...]]

So sorry Drew!  Hold on to everything you felt over the past two days! It sounds like you had a great couple days!  And, remember you will get there again!  You just need a bit more healing! I know it sucks now but your next window will probably be better than this past one!  Truly sorry Drew!

 

The wheel of Misfortune quit spinning on me today!

Just mild sx!  Very manageable without the death gripping anxiety! 

Got out to the lake for a nice long walk!  Went shopping at some of the local specialty stores down town with my daughter! Got together with family at my brothers place had a bomb fire and played cards against humanity!  Super fun game!

Hoping to at least keep one of my feet planted into this grayish area for the remainder of this healing process!  I am perfectly fine right now with not being great in a perfect window but not being bad as in tossed into a wavy ocean with out a life preserver!   

Just being ok in the grey area is just fine with me!         

 

I think I may literally paint my room grey and just stay awhile!

 

:smitten:

 

Wishing you all a peaceful Sunday!

[[No...]]

Well ... this neck-wave thingie seems to be gradually calming down ...

 

If I have a choice in the matter, which I don't, but I feel I should ...    ... I much prefer the three hour waves over the 50 hour waves ... you know ... just a personal preference ...

 

Does anyone know where I could submit my personal preference for consideration? ...

 

Hope we all have a quiet sort of day ... it is Sunday and I hope the healing team takes a day off ... 

[[Si...]]

Doing really poorly. Barely slept two hours of light sleep. Sucks really bad. 4:30 - 6:30. Now back to the pattern basically of one night on one night off. I'm loosing my mind over this. I had about three months where I'd only have on average one really bad night a week. This is killing me.

[[No...]]

Hey Siggy ... I woke up pretty chipper ... down hill since then ...

 

Sure feels like we are losing our minds sometimes ... and yep ... looks like another day in the salt mines ...

 

So ... we just do our getting through the day thing ... again ...

 

My distraction today is making a roasted carrot and garlic soup ... should help pass some time ... 

[[Si...]]

Sorry you've gone downhill after waking up chipper. I still can't believe only 25 pills did this to me. I hate myself for not researching this crap better. Usually I research everything I do back and forward. I guess I was desparate for relief. The pain I've suffered from this is 10000 times worse than the original problem. I can't see how I will ever get better. I can't stop thinking about ending it all, but I know I can never really do that. It's crazy this crap has brought me to this point. And I read online where people took large doses for a long time and just stopped taking it with no problem. Just makes me so angry.

[[dr...]]

Good morning guys...the visual aura thingy didn't progress into a headache but I got a sore throat from my fiances' cold. We all need a decent run here. 

 

I always try to find a positive in this shit and I have noticed my chemical anxiety has dropped off dramatically.  Several situations in the past month that should have revved me but now it's more like I just deal with the physical stuff without th added fear.  I get occasional spikes but nothing even close to what it was.  Many people including Ian at BTP and some here said it took about 18 months to drop and that really seems about it. Very thankful for that. Hope it stays that way.

[[No...]]

Yep ... my, what I call, stress response or chemical anxiety, or whatever, dropped off a few months ago and has not come back ... along with the deep panic stuff ...

 

Siggy, I hear your frustration and anger and total fed-up-ness with this process ... I visit that place once in a while ... doesn't do me any good per se ... just let off some steam ...

 

Yeh ... I screwed up ... I took the drug ... I can't go back and fix that ... I can only work right here, right now ... and what someone else does or does not go through, in the long run, does not pertain to me ... not directly ...

 

Sometimes I see this stuff as an immense vegetable field that needs to be weeded ... some folks come and go and get their row done quickly ... some folks take a little longer ... and I am still here hoeing my row ... and in my not so gracious moments that pisses me off ... and that is okay too, I am human ... and then I can turn that around a bit and I am thankful they did not have to stay here too long ...

 

For me, bottom line, this is about my hoeing my row ... it is nice to have company ... and that is a blessing ... in the meantime ... chop wood, carry water ... hoe my row ...

[[dr...]]

Soggy-some days this whole process gets the best of us.  The resentment, anger at others, selves, etc....it doesn't move us forward but we need to vent and let it out.  You'll get your mojo back soon enough.  When this happens to me I like to envision the "future me" 

- How wise I am now with regards to my body

-what a great appreciation I have for life that many will never experience

-how I treat my body like the temple it is

-how I take nothing for granted

-how my empathy for others and how I view mental illness has changed

-the simple things in life...how I cherish them

 

I don't know...you may say I'm a fruitcake but it does help for me.