18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Mi...]]

Siggy, So Sorry!  Our days are tough enough when we get to fully recharge with enough sleep!  Take it easy today! 

 

[[Mi...]]

Thanks Again Nova,  I needed that bottom line everything sounds normal!   

 

 

I really liked my psychologist!  And it was hard to stomach, when she said if I want to be better I have to treat this PTSD!  I seriously can not even swallow a Tylenol! I don't think I could get myself to ever take another script!  It just to confusing!  I have two doctors I trust on opposite sides!  One who wants me to try some new med and therapy!  My psychologist!      The other my naturopath who has known me my whole life, a dear friend of my family! I actually worked for him before I had my daughter!  He told me that I have to ride it out! And took my hand last time I saw him and said he knew I had my mind made up that I would be well by 18 months!  But he thought I was strong enough now to know his opinion! Which was it takes a good 2/3 years to completely heal!  Which was devastating at the time!  But, I have always admired his honesty! 

 

If I only had a magic ball!    :'(

[[No...]]

Jen ... I hear you ... it may sound crazy, but there are times when I feel "acute" was simpler to deal with ...

 

And I know the "stoned and watching the birds" stuff ... many, many hours ...

 

And I find "distracting" a tougher nut to crack now ... there certainly was something to be said for closing my eyes and just riding that rollercoaster on steroids ...

 

Perhaps this is tougher now because I find it more difficult to "get out of my own way" ... I am back so I want to help ...

 

BTW ... my anxiety/panic stuff slowly just dissolved away ... some anxiety perks up every now and then and the panic stuff has stayed away ...

[[No...]]

Jen ... regarding your docs ... I would go with the eyes ... yes the 2 to 3 year thing can be a knock on the soul ... and we will get through it ...

 

Regarding PTSD ... my reflections ... PTSD usually involves some form of "violence" and the sense of "helplessness" ...whether it is abuse, a car crash, war, earthquake, whatever ...

 

To put it simply ... the drugs changed pathways in our bodies ... and now are bodies are changing again ... to me this means that our bodies are using their self-correcting abilities ... and our bodies are not experiencing this process as trauma ...

 

And yes ... there is the school of thought that our minds and bodies are inextricably entwined ... as I believe they are ... and I believe there is a dimension to this process that is truly not traumatic in the PTSD sense ... our bodies "know" what they are doing ... our bodies are not helpless in the face of these drugs ...

 

We are experiencing healing in a very "front row seat" manner ... and we experience this as very confusing and messy ...

 

In some fashion I believe we are experiencing healing in a very traditional way ... using the ageless remedy of Time and the internal capacity of our bodies ...

 

 

[[Mi...]]

Oh Nova, thankyou thankyou!   

 

Just the thought of the anxiety/panic slowly dissolving,  Oh such a beautiful thought!  This has been by far my very worse sx through out this entire process!  My biggest challenger my biggest fear my biggest everything!  It's just sooo extreme nothing like I have ever dealt with before! And it's all consuming powers are relentless!    It just has to be chemical!  Thanks for the life preserver today! I really needed it!    The day This anxiety/ panic leaves me for good will be the greatest day of my life!

And yes, I am going with my naturopath on this one!  I believe whole heartedly that the only way out is through! My psychologist means well I know but I think I am going to stay away for a bit! As my fragile mind can't get sucked in by doubt right now!  So yes I think I need to get out of my own way right now!   

 

Nova you have helped me through today more than words can even describe!   

 

 

[[dr...]]

Jen-I commented the other day my mind is much clearer but I now feel trapped by my body.  I am not able to go out and do the things I enjoyed earlier in my taper.  My cns can't take any stimulation.

 

Choose door number two and stay the course. Don't let people confuse you.  Why would you have so much crap like many of us here?  I had nothing like this before but my therapist thinks a lot of it is my "old problem with anxiety".  Onward my dear

 

I woke up at 3:47 with a tension headache.  Took a tylenol.  Didn't do squat.  I am okay right now at work.  Not adding anxiety to it which makes it bearable.

[[so...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

So many words of wisdom and encouragement here today.  Thank you!

 

Yesterday was really rough.  I got hit with deep dark chemical depression, intrusive thoughts, etc.  Has anyone ever felt like this?  It happened to me several days during months 4-8 after the anxiety came on strong.  The pendulum would swing the other way and throw me into deep chemical depression.  I haven't had this depression for about 3 months and I don't know what led up to it.  It scared me to death.

 

Can anyone relate?

 

Sofa

[[No...]]

Hi Drew ... not much to say except ... onward ... 

[[No...]]

Sofa ... that must be really hard to deal with ... I don't feel I have been down the depression road ... can't even imagine where that goes ...

 

Others have spoken about it ... hopefully they can chime in ...

 

I am doing the waves of anxiety today ... which fuels my gut stuff ... which then fuels my throat stuff ...

 

So ... just living my healing today ... and trying not to bark too loud ... 

[[Mi...]]

Sofa, my mind has been so messed up idk if I ever had real dark depression or not!  But I have found that lately when my anxiety hits a certain point I swing the opposite way as well!  Into this I don't care anymore somebody just kill me now area! And yes it's a real dark place to go to but sometimes I think it's my body's only way to cope with this crushing chemical anxiety!  I don't usually stay in the dark place for long! It's like a bitter sweet rest for me!  So idk if that's what you would describe as depression or not! I am no expert when it comes to this but thought I would share with you, in chance it would help! 

 

Stay strong! 

[[Mi...]]

Drew, trapped by my own body!  YES!  Exactly!  Our thread here,  We should really all write a book someday!  When we all heal! Of our different story's and all the similar experiences we all have!  Because like I've said these sx are straight out of a horror film! And so intense at times! You just can't make this shit up!

 

[[Mi...]]

Nova the anxiety, the gut, the throat! That's been my story now for months!  Ugh.....

 

It's like a merry go round refusing to just stop and let me off! 

 

So around and around we go!     

 

Your not alone I am definitely with you on this ride!

[[No...]]

Jen ... yep ... ye old gut-throat-anxiety axis ...

 

It has been my nemesis since being on the drug for maybe six months ... and I chased it, and chased it through the medical stuff ... until I just finally gave up ...

 

And all that time, no one suggested it could be a drug issue ... they would ask me what medications I was taking and just slide over the K as if it were Kool-Aid ...

 

Oh well ... water under the bridge ...

[[so...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

Thank you for chiming in about the weird depression.

 

This is all just getting so old.  I'm getting so old too!

 

Day after day, I keep reminding myself that I am stuck in my home because I'm convalescing, but the boredom is excruciating, along with the relentless anxiety and ensuing symptoms.  I also have to keep reminding myself I'm not well enough to DO anything more than I'm doing, which is NOTHING! 

 

I hope everyone is having an easy day today.

 

Love, Sofa

[[dr...]]

sofa-that's the hardest part trying to do nothing!  Most of the time I do something I get whacked but I get one offs where I feel okay and do things so it gives me a false sense of security.  Then I get whacked again.  

[[Te...]]

I think I'm whacked most of the time....sorry to omit to this..

 

I just cannot find that relaxed feeling....I feel most of the time I want to jump from my own skin.....it's itchy,twitchy,burning,mess......I just can't relax and get rid of these terrible symptoms...

I feel as my brain doesn't have any control ....just an extreme nervous....person...

Muscles are so tight....trying muscle relaxation ....it just causes cramps or pain...then my Brain goes into over drive..

 

On the positive side....my throat is doing ok today....just the nasty taste...and teeth pressure...I swear my upper left teeth area is like others headache tightness....

 

Miss Jen .....wish I had a benzo wise doctor...to talk too.....where do you live?

 

Meet with my breast surgeon today....she wants me to do a high tech ultrasoundto make sure my implants are not leaking.....I have silicone implants.....I told her about the burning mouth and bad taste and she wants to make sure everything looks ok....I refused a MRI don't think I could lay still without any meds.....did MRI on my brain last year without meds it was terrible

 

Nova.....hope tomorrow is better for you.....

Drew.....thought about you when I was shopping at whole foods...sometimes I get overwhelmed there...ugh

Sofa....no matter where Im at ....at home or away from home I'm a twitchy nervous mess!

 

Hugs! TM

[[Mi...]]

Texas Mama,  I see a naturopath doctor! He is a very close friend of the family! He does acupuncture ect!  He is older and has studied in China, And all over the world!  I just wish he would have kept his MD license so he could perform all the blood test ect!  He used to be a family practice doctor and then went to the other side of medicine I guess you could say!  I live in MN!  I am guessing you are in Texas?     

 

 

[[so...]]

TM,

 

I'm a nervous twitchy mess too.  Have never been a nervous person my whole life!  Anxious all the time like a shaky chihuahua.  Our nerves are so raw which I think is at the bottom of all this.  One day, our nerves will toughen up and that's when people write success stories, when their nerves calm down to normal "pink" status, not jagged marooooon!

 

I have to meditate all day to stay calm.  If I accidentally rest too long, or heaven forbid, nod off for five minutes, there's hell to pay with a huge adrenaline surge.  Grrrrr. 

[[No...]]

TM ... whoever said anything about relaxing ... I certainly don't relax in one of these storms ... when this stuff is revving I have never figured out how to relax ... don't think that is possible ... afterwards, yes ... usually after I have recovered from my post wave collapse I can find my way to some relaxation ...

 

Accepting yes ... relaxing no ... sure, I hear that voice saying, just relax into it you will feel better ... and I usually say back, just turn it off and I will relax you fool ...

 

And ... I suspect there is nothing that can get rid of any of these symptoms in the moment ... if there is would someone please tell me ...

 

Yes ... we can distract from the symptoms ... sometimes we can change the channel ... and the symptoms are still going on ...

 

And I know, for me, anything I take to help in the moment is only masking the symptoms ... they are still going on ... and sometimes I do take an ibuprofen or an acid reducer or a tea ... those are all for me, not the symptom ...

 

I have plotted these experiences for 5 years ... there is no consistency ... no pattern as such ... this is my body healing and it has its own agenda, I am just along for the ride ... and that is probably a good thing for me, if I got involved I would probably just screw it up again ...

 

Sorry for the bit of a rant ... I just get frustrated when I hear some folks telling other folks what they need to do ... how they can "fix" this ... how they can make it "easier" ... not on this thread for sure ... elsewhere from time to time on BB ...

 

Anyone who thinks they can "fix" this is just practicing the age old con of blaming the victim and then taking their money ... sounds like a few shrinks I have met over the years ...

 

Sorry I am grumpy today ... this incessant revving sometimes brings out my grouch for a stroll ...

 

[[No...]]

Sofa ... I like that ... twitchy mess ... I may swipe it as a descriptor ...

 

And you colour coding is good too ...

 

For me, meditation is a form of "distraction" ... and it helps me with "acceptance" ... and, oftentimes when I resurface I just pick up where I left off if there is a storm going on ... I do not believe meditation "fixes" anything ... rather meditation for me is an "opportunity" ... an opportunity to change the channel for a while ...

[[so...]]

Nova,

 

Absolutely!  Meditation fixes NOTHING.  If it did, I'd be healed by now after months and months of hours and hours daily.

 

Maybe I'm doing it wrong.  Chakras, auras, breathing through eyeballs, chanting, lighting candles, aromatherapy, palms on knees facing up, sitting on floor with soles of feet facing each other, tapping, facing palms to feel energy.....BLOOEY!  I'm still a naked mess!

[[No...]]

Sofa ... sounds like a soap opera ... the naked mess ... 

 

Or maybe that could be our book title ... 

 

I have a new phrase to describe days like today ... the day of a thousand revvings ...

[[No...]]

Sofa ... news flash ... you ain't doing it wrong ...

[[Te...]]

Thanks you all.....just feeling like I was the only one a twitchy nervous wreck....but  I think your right Nova some days I can channel it so it is not very bad....or I can watch tv....a movie...and seem like life if not normal with symptoms....but doing ok job handling them with grace...then there are days or weeks...or should I say months...like today...I want to really crawl out of my skin .....

 

Miss Jen.......yes I live in Texas.....but I grew up in South Dakota........jst wish I could find a doctor who believes in this withdrawl crap......

 

Hugs.....to ya all.......TM

[[so...]]

TM,

 

The last doctor I saw said, "How long have you been off Gabapentin?"

 

I replied, "Ten months."

 

She said, "No. No way. Two weeks max.  Two weeks. Two weeks!"

 

She sounded like a parakeet.