Daily Micro-Tapering Support Group

[[Ja...]]

Hi! I would love some help w numbers

I am at 1mg Valium - kindled w cold turkey and fast taper and other issues

Was functional until 3 weeks ago

I have held at 1mg Valium for 14 days

Will continue to hold

Question : if I hold for 4-6 wks should my body recalibrate

I am basically been in somewhat acute wothdrawal these last two weeks

Couldn't walk or barely talk in so much physical pain mainly-- chest tightness severe pain shock feeling, burning and prickling, amped, Akathesia

Started gabapentin 100-300 daily these last few days

Really don't want another Med

Also on remeron

Question:

After I hold assuming I can stabilize what cut rate is reasonable? I was planning 100 days to go down 1mg but things haven't been going well suddenly

Is that too aggressive? Should I slow it to Diaz Pam like 10 mos? I don't know how to get through this and if I am prolonging agony bc I am not stable

I had to take gabapentin

Weirdly I had a wonderful window yesterday

[[Ul...]]

I just restarted my daily microtaper a week ago, starting with removing only .001 mg out of the 1.21 mg of klonopin I was at after reinstatement, crashing, holding for six months, trying to change to three doses, back up to four doses and trying a small updose.  All has been extremely difficult.  I'm praying that it's true that we can heal as we go down.  I did two Ashton 20% a month cut and suffers 5 years ago and it was worse than this and I didn't start healing on the way down--quite the opposite, I thought I would never survive the insanity.  So I would love to hear from people who were horrible at the start and as they did a slow taper they got better.  Seems absolutely impossible.  I know everyone is different, but I need some hope to hold onto.  Bless you all

 

Liza, you've been through so much! I was definitely horrible at the start, but I didn't know about BB, MT, etc. I was on a high dose of K for 21 yrs (6+mg/day) as well as LOTS of cocktails along the way. I was way too sensitive to be able to MT much at all. I finally got down to 3mg of K each day, but even at that point I couldn't cut 1mL/day. It was just too much. It's just my opinion, but Ashton at 20% in one month, much less two, is horrendous. No wonder you were blasted!! BTW, if you're removing .001mg, isn't that 1mL of liquid? If yes (it was/is for me), then that's way too fast for a person who's been what you've been through. Again, that's just my opinion and experience, but what jumps out at me looking at your situation is that it sounds like your body could use a bit of a break/hold to get stabilized, and THEN begin the journey at a little slower pace until you're at the right pace for your body. Today, I'm lucky if I can cut 1/2mL in a day and then hold for a few days or whatever is needed. It just depends on what other stresses are going on in my life, and this year I've been nailed a lot with things such as a big surgery and a hurricane with evacuation, etc. But I will say that the MT process has been a lifesaver. It, along with SG and Builder and another person that I established a relationship with in and out of this forum has been priceless. Do what SG and Builder say, get the MT going after you get "settled in", and I think you'll see a big difference and do GREAT!! You have a better chance to "heal faster than you taper" if you get stable and find the right MT amount for your body and mind. Believe! Your body will follow what you mind believes. Good thoughts and good input go a long way. I don't post a lot, but I read this pretty often and keep up. You'll do great because of the great people here. Faith, baby!!

 

Jeff

 

:thumbsup:

 

(Hi, Jeff!)

 

Howdy, sweet Gard!!!! 

[[...]]

Just started my daily liquid MT. I was in tolerance withdrawal along with being in withdrawal from a CT from buproprion. I was getting windows from the CT before the tolerance kicked in. I'm just curious if people get windows and waves while doing a daily taper with no holds?

 

Thanks for any feedbacks 

[[Ul...]]

That all looks correct.  1mg in 100ml or 2mg in 200ml will both make a .01mg/ml liquid, so each ml would be .01mg V in both cases.  To get a dose of .45mg you'd drink 45ml.

Thank you very much my main man!!!  How are you dong lately SG  Any improvement or are your sxs still the same ?

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

 

Aaghh, I passed 45 months free yesterday and I feel lousy.  All in all, including my taper, I have been very symptomatic for 75 months running.  I'm not really sure how I have managed to tolerate it all this time, but here I am.  Some days are better, some are worse.  I keep improving, but it is just soooo slow.  Since I never feel well I have changed my definition of what 'good' is...lower the bar...anything to survive.  I think next year will be when I turn a corner...of coarse I said that last year too.

 

Hey SG. You know I've been around a while, and you know how much I love ya, superman. You may not feel great, but you give so many people real and honest hope even in the face of your personal fight. A lot of people that were here at the beginning of this thread are no longer around, and I bet it's because you guided them through their journey to get off this trash. We all thank you!! A word of advice from you would be great: We know you've had a rotten battle. Is there anything you could tell us that maybe you did or didn't do that helped contribute to your crazy pilgrimage with this benzo stuff? We all learn from each other, and maybe learning what NOT to do (or what TO do) would benefit many of us here as well. Any thoughts?

 

Dream on, brother!

 

Jeff

[[Pl...]]

Hi! I would love some help w numbers

I am at 1mg Valium - kindled w cold turkey and fast taper and other issues

Was functional until 3 weeks ago

I have held at 1mg Valium for 14 days

Will continue to hold

Question : if I hold for 4-6 wks should my body recalibrate

I am basically been in somewhat acute wothdrawal these last two weeks

Couldn't walk or barely talk in so much physical pain mainly-- chest tightness severe pain shock feeling, burning and prickling, amped, Akathesia

Started gabapentin 100-300 daily these last few days

Really don't want another Med

Also on remeron

Question:

After I hold assuming I can stabilize what cut rate is reasonable? I was planning 100 days to go down 1mg but things haven't been going well suddenly

Is that too aggressive? Should I slow it to Diaz Pam like 10 mos? I don't know how to get through this and if I am prolonging agony bc I am not stable

I had to take gabapentin

Weirdly I had a wonderful window yesterday

 

My answer is yes! If you see that going slower and holds help.... I would follow that cue.....

[[...]]

Aaghh, I passed 45 months free yesterday and I feel lousy.  All in all, including my taper, I have been very symptomatic for 75 months running.  I'm not really sure how I have managed to tolerate it all this time, but here I am.  Some days are better, some are worse.  I keep improving, but it is just soooo slow.  Since I never feel well I have changed my definition of what 'good' is...lower the bar...anything to survive.  I think next year will be when I turn a corner...of coarse I said that last year too.

Hey SG. You know I've been around a while, and you know how much I love ya, superman. You may not feel great, but you give so many people real and honest hope even in the face of your personal fight. A lot of people that were here at the beginning of this thread are no longer around, and I bet it's because you guided them through their journey to get off this trash. We all thank you!! A word of advice from you would be great: We know you've had a rotten battle. Is there anything you could tell us that maybe you did or didn't do that helped contribute to your crazy pilgrimage with this benzo stuff? We all learn from each other, and maybe learning what NOT to do (or what TO do) would benefit many of us here as well. Any thoughts?

 

Dream on, brother!

 

Jeff

 

Well, this is nothing new, but mainly I think it is critical not to push through symptoms.  Cut small, go slow, and do whatever is needed to get rid of them...long holds, updoses, whatever it takes.  Pushing to zero was a huge mistake and the price was very high...much higher than I could have imagined.

 

I think we are all initially injured by the drug in that we lack GABA receptors.  But, IMO, that is not the whole story.  When we ask our CNS to function without enough benzo, glutamate damage results and I think this is the larger problem.  The goal of the taper is to avoid glutamate damage.

[[ga...]]

Aaghh, I passed 45 months free yesterday and I feel lousy.  All in all, including my taper, I have been very symptomatic for 75 months running.  I'm not really sure how I have managed to tolerate it all this time, but here I am.  Some days are better, some are worse.  I keep improving, but it is just soooo slow.  Since I never feel well I have changed my definition of what 'good' is...lower the bar...anything to survive.  I think next year will be when I turn a corner...of coarse I said that last year too.

Hey SG. You know I've been around a while, and you know how much I love ya, superman. You may not feel great, but you give so many people real and honest hope even in the face of your personal fight. A lot of people that were here at the beginning of this thread are no longer around, and I bet it's because you guided them through their journey to get off this trash. We all thank you!! A word of advice from you would be great: We know you've had a rotten battle. Is there anything you could tell us that maybe you did or didn't do that helped contribute to your crazy pilgrimage with this benzo stuff? We all learn from each other, and maybe learning what NOT to do (or what TO do) would benefit many of us here as well. Any thoughts?

 

Dream on, brother!

 

Jeff

 

Well, this is nothing new, but mainly I think it is critical not to push through symptoms.  Cut small, go slow, and do whatever is needed to get rid of them...long holds, updoses, whatever it takes.  Pushing to zero was a huge mistake and the price was very high...much higher than I could have imagined.

 

I think we are all initially injured by the drug in that we lack GABA receptors.  But, IMO, that is not the whole story.  When we ask our CNS to function without enough benzo, glutamate damage results and I think this is the larger problem.  The goal of the taper is to avoid glutamate damage.

 

SG, does having symptoms mean you are damaging your glutamate? I can never seem to be free of symptoms even with long holds. Symptoms are either disabling or tolerable, but never gone.

 

Gard

[[pr...]]

Aaghh, I passed 45 months free yesterday and I feel lousy.  All in all, including my taper, I have been very symptomatic for 75 months running.  I'm not really sure how I have managed to tolerate it all this time, but here I am.  Some days are better, some are worse.  I keep improving, but it is just soooo slow.  Since I never feel well I have changed my definition of what 'good' is...lower the bar...anything to survive.  I think next year will be when I turn a corner...of coarse I said that last year too.

Hey SG. You know I've been around a while, and you know how much I love ya, superman. You may not feel great, but you give so many people real and honest hope even in the face of your personal fight. A lot of people that were here at the beginning of this thread are no longer around, and I bet it's because you guided them through their journey to get off this trash. We all thank you!! A word of advice from you would be great: We know you've had a rotten battle. Is there anything you could tell us that maybe you did or didn't do that helped contribute to your crazy pilgrimage with this benzo stuff? We all learn from each other, and maybe learning what NOT to do (or what TO do) would benefit many of us here as well. Any thoughts?

 

Dream on, brother!

 

Jeff

 

Well, this is nothing new, but mainly I think it is critical not to push through symptoms.  Cut small, go slow, and do whatever is needed to get rid of them...long holds, updoses, whatever it takes.  Pushing to zero was a huge mistake and the price was very high...much higher than I could have imagined.

 

I think we are all initially injured by the drug in that we lack GABA receptors.  But, IMO, that is not the whole story.  When we ask our CNS to function without enough benzo, glutamate damage results and I think this is the larger problem.  The goal of the taper is to avoid glutamate damage.

 

 

SG,

 

i agree with you about the glutamate damage. i can tell between the hours of 2-4am for some reason that has been the time when brain changes (for me) take place and a certain revving of the brain and my whole body take place where hallucinations/sleep paralysis have been occurring and messing with my sleep --promptly at 4am i can feel the brakes be put on where everything just stops and i am able to finally relax and fall asleep with normal dreams. it's got to the that glutamate revving. i just hope it's all part of the healing process because one can feel very scared by it and certainly feels like my brain has been hijacked by who know's -- feels like aliens.

 

i saw one of your post on the protracted section i think about the kindling and i put up that link of Perseverance's about the LTP. would love to know your thoughts about the LTP?

[[...]]

Well, this is nothing new, but mainly I think it is critical not to push through symptoms.  Cut small, go slow, and do whatever is needed to get rid of them...long holds, updoses, whatever it takes.  Pushing to zero was a huge mistake and the price was very high...much higher than I could have imagined.

 

I think we are all initially injured by the drug in that we lack GABA receptors.  But, IMO, that is not the whole story.  When we ask our CNS to function without enough benzo, glutamate damage results and I think this is the larger problem.  The goal of the taper is to avoid glutamate damage.

SG, does having symptoms mean you are damaging your glutamate? I can never seem to be free of symptoms even with long holds. Symptoms are either disabling or tolerable, but never gone.

 

Gard

 

I'm the same way.  I've been symptomatic for 75 months.  I've forgotten what normal is like and have no expectation of finding out anytime soon.  I would not say that having symptoms is damaging things.  If you have long-term persistent symptoms I'd think you have some degree of damage already, but not that living with it is making things worse.

 

This is the way glutamate symptoms are (if that is actually what is going on).  They will eventually go away, but in the meantime they can be nasty and they persist.  I think you're long hold was a very good thing and I also think it is possible to taper and heal your glutamate damage at the same time.  A careful microtaper that does not allow symptom increase is a good approach IMO.

[[Ja...]]

SG what are your symptoms still?

Were you kindled? Can you function? Thank you hope all is ok

I am worried this is going to damage me like cause some bad neurological thing. Mg immune system isn't good to begin with

God this is hard I feel I won't make it

[[li...]]

Jeff--I am pulling .03 ml out of 60 ml of milk starting with 1.25 mg of K. So going much slower than 1 ml per day

[[li...]]

And Jeff I held my taper from March 1-Aug 31 of this year. Didn't get better, had a few weeks of worse but probably helped in the long run?

[[ga...]]

Well, this is nothing new, but mainly I think it is critical not to push through symptoms.  Cut small, go slow, and do whatever is needed to get rid of them...long holds, updoses, whatever it takes.  Pushing to zero was a huge mistake and the price was very high...much higher than I could have imagined.

 

I think we are all initially injured by the drug in that we lack GABA receptors.  But, IMO, that is not the whole story.  When we ask our CNS to function without enough benzo, glutamate damage results and I think this is the larger problem.  The goal of the taper is to avoid glutamate damage.

SG, does having symptoms mean you are damaging your glutamate? I can never seem to be free of symptoms even with long holds. Symptoms are either disabling or tolerable, but never gone.

 

Gard

 

I'm the same way.  I've been symptomatic for 75 months.  I've forgotten what normal is like and have no expectation of finding out anytime soon.  I would not say that having symptoms is damaging things.  If you have long-term persistent symptoms I'd think you have some degree of damage already, but not that living with it is making things worse.

 

This is the way glutamate symptoms are (if that is actually what is going on).  They will eventually go away, but in the meantime they can be nasty and they persist.  I think you're long hold was a very good thing and I also think it is possible to taper and heal your glutamate damage at the same time.  A careful microtaper that does not allow symptom increase is a good approach IMO.

 

Thanks SG. I'm on the fence now about starting my MT because of the Q taper and the liquefying of the L. I don't know which has caused my neuropathy to flare up so badly. Trying to decided if an updose of the Q is on order or if I should just wait this out (could be the liquefying, not the taper). Leaning toward waiting it out because I'm, so scared of the Q. Already have the start of a cataract and some muscle jerking. My pharmacist said if she were in my shoes, she'd taper the Q first. But it's the only thing that gives me sleep, so getting rid of it isn't an option right now. Would you look at my question on the titration thread? There's more detail there.

 

I confess I don't really understand the glutamate thing. I know messing it up is bad, though.

 

Gard

[[...]]

Well, this is nothing new, but mainly I think it is critical not to push through symptoms.  Cut small, go slow, and do whatever is needed to get rid of them...long holds, updoses, whatever it takes.  Pushing to zero was a huge mistake and the price was very high...much higher than I could have imagined.

 

I think we are all initially injured by the drug in that we lack GABA receptors.  But, IMO, that is not the whole story.  When we ask our CNS to function without enough benzo, glutamate damage results and I think this is the larger problem.  The goal of the taper is to avoid glutamate damage.

SG,

 

i agree with you about the glutamate damage. i can tell between the hours of 2-4am for some reason that has been the time when brain changes (for me) take place and a certain revving of the brain and my whole body take place where hallucinations/sleep paralysis have been occurring and messing with my sleep --promptly at 4am i can feel the brakes be put on where everything just stops and i am able to finally relax and fall asleep with normal dreams. it's got to the that glutamate revving. i just hope it's all part of the healing process because one can feel very scared by it and certainly feels like my brain has been hijacked by who know's -- feels like aliens.

 

i saw one of your post on the protracted section i think about the kindling and i put up that link of Perseverance's about the LTP. would love to know your thoughts about the LTP?

 

That sounds familiar.  I don't have hallucinations or sleep paralysis, but it is like my brain is unstable.  All day long I go through better and worse periods as if whatever is supposed to happen is not stable.  It's like my brain does a better job at times, and at other times it just falls apart and things are messed up until it tries again and is able to improve function somewhat.  But I never feel total relief.  Not even close really.  No windows yet.  And some days, like yesterday, are still hideous.  I went to bed at 7:30 last night in disgust just to cut the BS short.  We just have to have faith.

 

Perseverance did a great, great job of researching the problem.  What a gift to BB and the whole community.  I've read all her threads and have read the LTP paper three times.  It is hard to follow, but I get the gist.  I'm an engineer and have always related to science, so some of it did compute, but when it comes to biology I am like a duck out of water.

 

I don't really understand much beyond what I read from Perseverance and other sources.  I just don't relate well to biology.  I have noticed though that we seem to have a lot in common with traumatic-brain-injured people.  We also have a tremendous amount in common with people injured by other psych drugs.  It makes me wonder if there is a common denominator and if glutamate damage is common to all three.  I have to read more about TBIs.  There is more known about them.

[[...]]

SG what are your symptoms still?

Were you kindled? Can you function? Thank you hope all is ok

I am worried this is going to damage me like cause some bad neurological thing. Mg immune system isn't good to begin with

God this is hard I feel I won't make it

 

I have mostly brain stuff and sleep, and also tardive dyskinesia.  I'd call myself non-functional still.  I have been gutting it out at work, but this is all taking so long I've decided to retire.

 

I don't want to scare you, but I don't believe is sugarcoating.  That is what happened to me - a harsh kind of damage.  I'll recover, but I think it will take another few years at the rate I'm going.

 

In your post the other day I felt what you were describing was kind of harsh and to me it seemed like the best thing was to give an updose a try, since it had only been a few weeks that you were feeling really bad.  But then I saw you had a great window so that was encouraging, as it showed your brain is capable of doing that in your current state.  So maybe a long hold would also be okay.  It is so hard to tell sometimes.  I always found updosing to be emotionally difficult, which is one of the things that sealed my fate.

[[...]]

I'm the same way.  I've been symptomatic for 75 months.  I've forgotten what normal is like and have no expectation of finding out anytime soon.  I would not say that having symptoms is damaging things.  If you have long-term persistent symptoms I'd think you have some degree of damage already, but not that living with it is making things worse.

 

This is the way glutamate symptoms are (if that is actually what is going on).  They will eventually go away, but in the meantime they can be nasty and they persist.  I think you're long hold was a very good thing and I also think it is possible to taper and heal your glutamate damage at the same time.  A careful microtaper that does not allow symptom increase is a good approach IMO.

Thanks SG. I'm on the fence now about starting my MT because of the Q taper and the liquefying of the L. I don't know which has caused my neuropathy to flare up so badly. Trying to decided if an updose of the Q is on order or if I should just wait this out (could be the liquefying, not the taper). Leaning toward waiting it out because I'm, so scared of the Q. Already have the start of a cataract and some muscle jerking. My pharmacist said if she were in my shoes, she'd taper the Q first. But it's the only thing that gives me sleep, so getting rid of it isn't an option right now. Would you look at my question on the titration thread? There's more detail there.

 

I confess I don't really understand the glutamate thing. I know messing it up is bad, though.

 

Gard

 

I'd get rid of the Q first too.  I agree with the pharmacist.  Those drugs just plain scare me.  Vile poisons.  I'm not sure how medicine got to a point where they think any of these drugs are appropriate health care.  I'm sure it has more to do with money than health though.

[[He...]]

Just started my daily liquid MT. I was in tolerance withdrawal along with being in withdrawal from a CT from buproprion. I was getting windows from the CT before the tolerance kicked in. I'm just curious if people get windows and waves while doing a daily taper with no holds?

 

Thanks for any feedbacks 

 

Yes. I have gotten nearly to 9 mg from 13 in about 4 months. I feel better overall now than I did while holding and am happy to be tapering. I did hold for 3 days due to w/d sx but it was very short. I am noticing my thinking is clearing a bit and I have more creative thought as well. I would call it a variety of w/d sx which switch off and on, mild but present. At the moment the emotional/mental sx are much less, so it's more physical, muscle pain, jaw pain, headaches. Which is fine; I'll take the physical over the mental any time! Hope this helps and I hope your mt is even easier than mine!  HM

[[ga...]]

 

I have mostly brain stuff and sleep, and also tardive dyskinesia.  I'd call myself non-functional still.  I have been gutting it out at work, but this is all taking so long I've decided to retire.

 

I don't want to scare you, but I don't believe is sugarcoating.  That is what happened to me - a harsh kind of damage.  I'll recover, but I think it will take another few years at the rate I'm going.

 

 

SG, Have you retired yet? It sounds like a good idea. Maybe if you retire you can pace yourself instead of "gutting it out," and your brain will heal better. I keep thinking maybe, because you're an engineer and like your brain to be challenged, you might be overdoing it. Sorry for sticking my nose in. It's just that I, we all, would like to see you turn that corner and take some bigger steps toward wellness very soon.

 

Gard

[[pr...]]

Well, this is nothing new, but mainly I think it is critical not to push through symptoms.  Cut small, go slow, and do whatever is needed to get rid of them...long holds, updoses, whatever it takes.  Pushing to zero was a huge mistake and the price was very high...much higher than I could have imagined.

 

I think we are all initially injured by the drug in that we lack GABA receptors.  But, IMO, that is not the whole story.  When we ask our CNS to function without enough benzo, glutamate damage results and I think this is the larger problem.  The goal of the taper is to avoid glutamate damage.

SG,

 

i agree with you about the glutamate damage. i can tell between the hours of 2-4am for some reason that has been the time when brain changes (for me) take place and a certain revving of the brain and my whole body take place where hallucinations/sleep paralysis have been occurring and messing with my sleep --promptly at 4am i can feel the brakes be put on where everything just stops and i am able to finally relax and fall asleep with normal dreams. it's got to the that glutamate revving. i just hope it's all part of the healing process because one can feel very scared by it and certainly feels like my brain has been hijacked by who know's -- feels like aliens.

 

i saw one of your post on the protracted section i think about the kindling and i put up that link of Perseverance's about the LTP. would love to know your thoughts about the LTP?

 

That sounds familiar.  I don't have hallucinations or sleep paralysis, but it is like my brain is unstable.  All day long I go through better and worse periods as if whatever is supposed to happen is not stable.  It's like my brain does a better job at times, and at other times it just falls apart and things are messed up until it tries again and is able to improve function somewhat.  But I never feel total relief.  Not even close really.  No windows yet.  And some days, like yesterday, are still hideous.  I went to bed at 7:30 last night in disgust just to cut the BS short.  We just have to have faith.

 

Perseverance did a great, great job of researching the problem.  What a gift to BB and the whole community.  I've read all her threads and have read the LTP paper three times.  It is hard to follow, but I get the gist.  I'm an engineer and have always related to science, so some of it did compute, but when it comes to biology I am like a duck out of water.

 

I don't really understand much beyond what I read from Perseverance and other sources.  I just don't relate well to biology.  I have noticed though that we seem to have a lot in common with traumatic-brain-injured people.  We also have a tremendous amount in common with people injured by other psych drugs.  It makes me wonder if there is a common denominator and if glutamate damage is common to all three.  I have to read more about TBIs.  There is more known about them.

 

 

SG,

 

is the 75 months you've been going through this partly your taper as well? i am now 55 months and still struggling although having improvements but like you very slow. have you seen this documentary of Shane Kelly interviewing Heather Ashton? it's one of the best things i've seen about these benzo's ever so far.

 

[[ga...]]

I'm the same way.  I've been symptomatic for 75 months.  I've forgotten what normal is like and have no expectation of finding out anytime soon.  I would not say that having symptoms is damaging things.  If you have long-term persistent symptoms I'd think you have some degree of damage already, but not that living with it is making things worse.

 

This is the way glutamate symptoms are (if that is actually what is going on).  They will eventually go away, but in the meantime they can be nasty and they persist.  I think you're long hold was a very good thing and I also think it is possible to taper and heal your glutamate damage at the same time.  A careful microtaper that does not allow symptom increase is a good approach IMO.

Thanks SG. I'm on the fence now about starting my MT because of the Q taper and the liquefying of the L. I don't know which has caused my neuropathy to flare up so badly. Trying to decided if an updose of the Q is on order or if I should just wait this out (could be the liquefying, not the taper). Leaning toward waiting it out because I'm, so scared of the Q. Already have the start of a cataract and some muscle jerking. My pharmacist said if she were in my shoes, she'd taper the Q first. But it's the only thing that gives me sleep, so getting rid of it isn't an option right now. Would you look at my question on the titration thread? There's more detail there.

 

I confess I don't really understand the glutamate thing. I know messing it up is bad, though.

 

Gard

 

I'd get rid of the Q first too.  I agree with the pharmacist.  Those drugs just plain scare me.  Vile poisons.  I'm not sure how medicine got to a point where they think any of these drugs are appropriate health care.  I'm sure it has more to do with money than health though.

 

Yes, I wish I could. And that's why I tapered it down to 17mg. But then my sleep started to fall apart. So I decided to go back to the L for awhile. If I can. I'm holding again.

 

I don't think the L is doing anything for me at all. I became habituated to the benzos so fast it was ridiculous.

 

Meanwhile, I'm working on mindfulness (which is 100% contrary to my personality type) and hoping if I get good enough at it, I can reduce the Q again. I also have some yucky EMDR (trauma) therapy to go through starting next month. My doctor thinks there's a trauma component to my sleep issues. I don't know why stuff that happened years ago would come up now after all this time and steal my sleep. I was doing fine with tremendous stress from all sides until a couple of years ago. Gutting it out always worked for me before that!

 

Gard

[[...]]

SG, Have you retired yet? It sounds like a good idea. Maybe if you retire you can pace yourself instead of "gutting it out," and your brain will heal better. I keep thinking maybe, because you're an engineer and like your brain to be challenged, you might be overdoing it. Sorry for sticking my nose in. It's just that I, we all, would like to see you turn that corner and take some bigger steps toward wellness very soon.

 

Gard

 

Thanks. I need to work until the end of January to take advantage of a severance package they offer. Otherwise, I would already be gone. It really is beyond belief how long this takes.

[[...]]

SG,

 

is the 75 months you've been going through this partly your taper as well? i am now 55 months and still struggling although having improvements but like you very slow. have you seen this documentary of Shane Kelly interviewing Heather Ashton? it's one of the best things i've seen about these benzo's ever so far.

 

 

Yes, I tapered for 30 months and am now 45 months free. I have been symptomatic since I began.

 

I did see that documentary. A lot of time with Ashton and Lader.

[[pr...]]

SG,

 

is the 75 months you've been going through this partly your taper as well? i am now 55 months and still struggling although having improvements but like you very slow. have you seen this documentary of Shane Kelly interviewing Heather Ashton? it's one of the best things i've seen about these benzo's ever so far.

 

 

Yes, I tapered for 30 months and am now 45 months free. I have been symptomatic since I began.

 

I did see that documentary. A lot of time with Ashton and Lader.

 

i meant to say Shane Kenny. actually in looking at his face and skin, it looks as though he went through a benzo withdrawal. i can tell. for some reason i thought you had tapered for 13 months? my mother tapered over 2 years and she does have some symptoms but minimal and nothing compared to me.

[[ga...]]

SG, Have you retired yet? It sounds like a good idea. Maybe if you retire you can pace yourself instead of "gutting it out," and your brain will heal better. I keep thinking maybe, because you're an engineer and like your brain to be challenged, you might be overdoing it. Sorry for sticking my nose in. It's just that I, we all, would like to see you turn that corner and take some bigger steps toward wellness very soon.

 

Gard

 

Thanks. I need to work until the end of January to take advantage of a severance package they offer. Otherwise, I would already be gone. It really is beyond belief how long this takes.

 

Yes! Go for the severance pay!  :thumbsup: And then you can take a nice vacation. But you must take your computer with you!

[[...]]

Yes, I tapered for 30 months and am now 45 months free. I have been symptomatic since I began.

 

I did see that documentary. A lot of time with Ashton and Lader.

i meant to say Shane Kenny. actually in looking at his face and skin, it looks as though he went through a benzo withdrawal. i can tell. for some reason i thought you had tapered for 13 months? my mother tapered over 2 years and she does have some symptoms but minimal and nothing compared to me.

 

Right, Shane Kenny.  I knew the one you meant.  I tapered for 30 months, but it did not do much good.  It is as if I CTed.  I was too impatient and that did me in, especially at the end.  If I knew then what I know now...