Intrusive thoughts or OCD thinking

[[Me...]]

Can anyone explain what intrusive thoughts or OCD thinking they are having and had?

 

How long did they last?

 

Has it passed for anyone and when?

 

I guess you could say my thoughts are always health related.  Similar to Yoda and many others medical testing quest.  I do not have medical testing done but I buy naturally lowering cholesterol vitamins (afraid it is too high and will have heart attack).  I also take other vitamins or eat other foods that are suppose to help with that.

 

The one that drives me crazy is I have OC thinking when it comes to the health of my son.  I fear that he is dying and I feel if I get him medical testing to prove he is okay that I will be okay but I know that I will find another thing to worry about that will want me to get that tested on him.  An endless cycle but instead of on myself my son...UGH!

 

I dislike these thoughts and I feel blue at times.  Do any of you do this?  Think this way?  Does it go away?  This is not per minate right? 

 

Please tell me what your irrational fear or OC thoughts are.

 

Thanks,

 

MJ

 

This To Shall PASS

[[Mb...]]

hello,

 

I used to get the craziest intrusive thoughts. They were completely random - mainly about random things I have done in my past that I had forgot about. The craziest part about this is that they are sooo vivid too. It is crazy to think how many days you have been alive, and about all of the things you have done during those days. It seems that benzo withdrawal - especially at certain points in withdrawal - can cause our brain to fetch a completely random memory for no reason at all? I agree - it is very uncomfortable. However, as someone who has gotten through withdrawal and was feeling really good mentally (until being put to sleep for a recent surgery), I can tell you that everything gets better. I used to think - how are all of my friends going out and drinking and getting crazy all the time? how does my dad get up for work every day at 4:00 am?? the truth is that as you heal you begin to see the world with new eyes, and you too will be normal.

 

Also, at about 5 months off, I started to get obsessive thoughts about things. For example, I just had to have this projector and assemble a home theatre. I can tell you that the thoughts go away with time. I found it to be somewhat of a blessing because all that time I was having fun obsessing over a home theatre, I was healing.

 

Keep on going.

 

Mike

[[ve...]]

Hi Melissa, Mike and others.  I had quite a bit of ruminating during my taper, mostly about how my taper would impact my income, also about my parenting.  OC thoughts are of course a form of anxiety.  I found meditation to be helpful.  I like at the bottom of your profile the line about acceptance.  I'm sure you know that its far more helpful to accept the thoughts than try to resist them, thus making them possibly stronger. I am a fan of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) originated by Steven Hayes at University of Nevada.  Its an offshoot of CBT with more focus on defusing thoughts than reframing them and using the observing self to focus rather than the "obsessing self".  I've not had the therapy but read extensively on it. I could go on but then I'd be ruminating  

 

Best,

 

Vertigo (NO MORE)

[[Me...]]

I tend to forget often that these thoughts are part of w/d.  Majority of my s/xs have been physical....so I don't make the correlation between the mental and benzo w/d.  I fear these thoughts (which I did not have before) will never go away and they are apart of me.  I also forget that these are just thoughts.

 

Mike,

 

Thank you for sharing.  I think my biggest fear about my son's cough goes back to the pasting and smoking around him when he was little.  So I feel that you hit the hammer on the head when you mentioned how the brain pulls memories from the past.

 

Vertigo,

 

I am currently in CBT. I think my therapist gives me handouts from ACT.  It does help and I use it often when intrusive thoughts arise....well until this passes.  I just appreciate not feeling so alone.  Like I said I often forget these are w/d s/xs.  Thank you for sharing!

 

A lot of fear here during these moments but I know this will pass.  I know that I am healing and the is necessary for that process.  These thoughts are JUST thoughts and not real!

 

MJ

[[La...]]

Hi Melissa,

 

I have OC thoughts too.  The worst one is that something is going to happen to my husband.  It's starts with this thought and plays out the worst case scenarios.....really flips me out.  I too forget this is a w/d symptom.  I didn't have this problem before benzo w/d.  If I let the thoughts get out of hand which sometimes happens, it turns out to be a full blown melt-down.....rocking, crying the whole bit.  It feels like my conscious mind is experiencing the imaginary event as if it really happened.  It's totally crazy.  I look forward to the day when these mental w/d symptoms are gone....for both of us.  I'm considering seeing a therapist to help me learn how to control my thoughts....I'm desperate. 

 

Peace,

Lyd

[[...]]

Hi Melissa,

 

I am fully recovered now. It has been over a year since my c/t of lorazepam in Dec. 08.  I have never suffered from OCD before that, but during withdrawal it was pure hell for me. The first 4 months into my c/t, I would obsess over every weird thought that would pop into my head. It was pure hell. Early in withdrawal I had the intense fear that accompanied these obsessive thoughts, so it was a torture beyond words. Towards the 5th month the fear was gone, and I was stuck with a milder form of  OCD. It did bother me, however I would get these wonderful windows where I would wake up one morning and it was completely gone - sometimes for days, other times for weeks. Then I would get it again in waves. This gave me a clear indication that my OCD was related to my w/d. I accepted it and truly felt my mind healing. Than it stopped completely, out of the blue, towards my 9th month into my c/t withdrawal. I remember how I couldn't believe it, I still doubted it. My mind was fully clear for the first time. Its been over four months since my true permanent window, and I haven't had any OCD thinking not even mild, and none of the physical symptoms.

 

Also, I have noticed something interesting in my withdrawal ordeal. When I was hit with OCD waves, it always came with itchy skin and other physical symptoms. When I would get the clear windows, along with the OCD thinking my physical symptoms were gone too.

It is simply amazing how our bodies heal.

 

CBT could  definitely help those in withdrawal, though  for me it was proven fruitless and I haven't used it.  My OCD had a pattern and a life of its own  , though I trusted myself  and I made it through with the wonderful support I received here. I surrendered  and let time pass.  It wasn't easy since  OCD is a mental torture,  but if you haven't suffered from OCD before withdrawal it should give you the indication and the hope that the light at the end of the tunnel might be just a few steps away.

 

 

Warmly,

 

Shelly

 

[[Me...]]

Lyd and Shelly thank you for posting!

 

Lyd I can totally relate to your story.  I do the same thing and just like you if I let the thoughts get the best of me I am in the corner rocking and crying also.  It's like my mind buys the lie hook, line and sinker.  My husband is awesome for knowing right where I am at and extending a hand.  I compare it to others on here that have had crazy medical testing done to find nothing but they still feel they are dying.  Except I turn the fear of dying on my child, self or spouse. 

 

My oldest caught bronchitis in December and could not breath well.  All that made me think about how I smoke around him when he was little and than it snowballs from there.  I read that it can last week to months but I just wish he would just heal and be good.  I mean he does not feel bad just has a cough now...oh and he says his back is sore.  IDK....deep down I know that nothing is wrong with him...just irrational fears.

 

My s/x were good and all were gone for the exception of the OCD thinking.  I felt like my thyroid levels were low so I had them tested.  The test returned positive for low TSH and so I need to increase.  However as I have increased..with each pill I take to increase my physical s/xs are coming back and the fear is getting worse.  DANG HORMONES!!!

 

Surrender and Acceptance is all I have so I give my power to healing and recovery rather than fear and worrying.

 

Lyd if you need me you can pm me any time.

 

Thank you Shelly for the hope~ so happy that you are healed!

 

MJ

 

 

 

[[La...]]

Hi Melissa,

 

Whew....Shelly's post sure made me feel better....Thank you Shelly!  It sure is a relief to know that this OC thinking is  w/d symptom.  So we know that it will go away in time!  Why do I often forget this?  Especially when the thoughts take over.  It's so wierd how benzos play with you head.  It's like the mind goes on a witch hunt to find something you're terrified of.  It will be such a blessing when this crazy symptom kicks the bucket.  We'll have to celebrate BIG TIME.

 

 

Please feel free to pm me anytime too Melissa.  I'll be praying for your child's cough to get better real soon.

 

xoxo

Lyd

 

 

P.S.  I'm going to go post something on your thyroid supplement thread that you might be interested in.