12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone,

I have somewhat of a dilemma and I welcome all of your thoughts on it. I found out today that I have the opportunity to go on a school-sponsored trip to the east coast. My oldest daughter is going and due to a change in the original circumstances I am able to go, basically for free. 12 days touring Boston, NYC, and Washington DC during spring break. I want to go so badly, (what an amazing opportunity!!), but I am afraid. I'm afraid of being thrown in a wave while there, of getting really sick. I'm also pretty afraid of flying.

 

I don't want this damn withdrawal to hold me back from experiencing this with my daughter!  :tickedoff: But I also don't know that I trust my body to be ok on such a big trip.

 

I tend to be a "push through" type, but will this be too much? That's the million dollar question....

 

HH, if I were you, I wouldn't miss this for the world.  I think it's the opportunity of a lifetime, and there will actually be a lot less stress than you think.  You'll have only one kid, no spouse, and you don't have to work.  I think you can do it, and I think you'll always regret it if you don't

[[No...]]

HH ... follow your heart ...

 

The fears and doubts and "what ifs" ... well, you do not have to pack them for this trip ...

 

That will leave more room to pack the gift you are giving and receiving ...

 

[[Co...]]

HH,....what an extrordinary opportunity. ...I would be excited...and scared too. 12 days of travel away from home is a lot, but worth a try..You seem much better , but still with some wavy days...This is what I think...do the pluses out weigh the risk of having sx away from your 'safety zone' ? ...It is something you will remember forever and a wonderful relationship builder with your daughter. ...and a ton of fun. I would try to go..with the thought that you have been very successful at working and keeping up your life all the way through this. I remember first reading some of your posts in the beginning. Feeling as though you would have a heart attack in front of your class. If you could do that in the middle of acute you can do this. ( easy for me to say). You might have some 'moments' , but just like going to work ( act of bravery every single day) but you will get through them. Your sx have not killed you...and they wont. If your sx insist on going...I would say, " fine.  come along if you must, but I am in charge and we're doing things my way".. Take all your comfort items, strategies and distractions. Carve out rest and down time as much as possible. Remember that even though you are away from home you are not alone. ...and you are not trapped. If worse comes to worse...as awful as it would be you can always come home ( but you won't have to)....and ...you have all of us at your fingertips at anytime night or day.

....I would give it my best shot ( said the girl who is still wobbly about volunteering in the classroom)....It is a wonderful opportunity to have a beautiful life experience with your daughter. My only concern would be that you find enough escape moments in which to unplug ...even for a few moments to keep the stimuli manageable. You are strong.. and close to healed...with so many months behind you...you can do this HH.. sx are going to be part of your life for awhile regardless of where you are.. might as well give them a thrill.

......No matter what you decide, we are behind you. Keep your 'Nike...just do it peeps....Peace , Drew and Mrs) close on the net. ....huge ...it's huge...but I know you can do it.  and totally get it if you decide not to....love to you HH....coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Green, ..how are you doing?...it is do good to hear that you feel like things are unwinding. You really sound like you are making big head way....I hope you are feeling the healing every day. You are sounding strong...in the midst of your Christmas boxes...

....I woke up this morning ...feeling pretty good . granted, early. 4am.  but with only vague sx.  Got up, made my decaf and settled in to watch the early news ( all the same Yada Yada .  but so used to my distractions , they have become a way of life now........No headache.  No zaps...anxiety less than a whisper ..actually have a sense of looking forward to thday..  crossing my fingers...saying a little prayer. Have a little hope today.  No dizziness.  No d/r....enjoying it for however long it lasts... sending you wishes for an effortless mind day.  Love to you Green.  coop

[[pe...]]

HH-

It sounds like an amazing and full trip. You have been doing pretty well and spring break is still a month or more away. I wonder two things: I wonder if you could go for the first half of the trip - knowing you'd have some downtime to rest on the other end before heading back to school. I also wonder if anyone on the trip will be aware of your healing, even just someone you can count on if you 'feel ill' even if they don't know the whole story. You could go and stay back at the hotel if you had a big wavy day, right?

 

Just thinking through some things. I hope you feel amazing in a week or so and thinking some of this through is easier. 

 

[[No...]]

Good Morning Coop ... 4 AM eh ... you sound pretty mellow this morning ... that is good ...

 

I ripped for a full blown panic-dissociative trip last evening ... came out of the blue ... blew me away for a while ... settled down after a couple of hours and I slept for 7 hours afterwards ... go figure ...

 

Interesting side effect ... I felt like I was sweating buckets of water out me, all over ... and I was perfectly dry ... can't figure that one out ... oh well ...

 

Going out for a while ... need my walk ...

 

Have a good day ...

 

[[Co...]]

Oh...Nova,...you are having a really tough wave...We are totally side blinded by these this far out. I had some panics in the last 2 weeks...so damn frustrating. ..Glad you slept for 7 hours...the faux sweat..how wierd is that. W/D has no end of little stones to thow out on our paths. Nova, you are such an inspiration of just keep putting one foot in front of the other .. we will get there. ...all of us. I hope your walk takes the edge off of the residuals that panics always leave behind...Hope your day improves...we love you Nova....coop

[[Sk...]]

HH, do go, just make sure you have someone else around you can count on, or the possibity to take a break, so to speak. You probably won't need either, but it does help to know there is a safety net, doesn't it ?

 

I am having an awful day, more of the same, I am tired of coming here and posting always the same rants.

 

Here the snow is slowly melting, luckily we have nice pics and our memories to tell us that in wd not every single thing is horrible, there also the fun moments.

 

Have a better day everybody.

[[Co...]]

Sky, how are your palps? ....I hope your day opens up to feeling better. This will wind down for us Sky...this is the first good morning I have had in 3/4 weeks but it feels like improved healing is dawning. Might only last one day which seems to be my frustrating pattern right now.

....we are making our way to month 18...can't believe it's been that long. We have traveled so far...feel better Sky.  coop

[[pe...]]

Hi there,

I am reading your posts and holding you all in my thoughts. Sky, Coop, Nova - I'm so sorry for these hard symptoms. They will pass, as you know, but it takes so long. It is a blessing to have each other. What if we were each going through these things in isolation, again and again with no one to check in with, no one to validate the signs and symptoms.

 

I think this thread, the two threads started from Coop and Green, are a goldmine of information for what many people withdrawing from benzos experience. It's the 'two year' answer filled out with lots of anecdotal evidence. Someone could use this stuff to write a very convincing report. And from all the reports we read, we know two years and some tears seems to be the way.

 

I am holding together by some very light and gauzy thread, which means barely. My household is overwhelmed with stress and I am just trying to keep my head above water. Ugh. My symptoms are not too bad - total overwhelming feeling of stress, light dr, fatigue. If I could only catch some time off… but it's illusive at the moment. I've been taking half a tab of an over the counter sleep med once or twice a week. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, but also don't really want to be taking any such thing. Hmmm. Ho hum. Just need to fit in some exercise somewhere.

 

Hoping we each catch a break of the kind we need today.

Peace2

[[Lo...]]

Hi everyone,

I have somewhat of a dilemma and I welcome all of your thoughts on it. I found out today that I have the opportunity to go on a school-sponsored trip to the east coast. My oldest daughter is going and due to a change in the original circumstances I am able to go, basically for free. 12 days touring Boston, NYC, and Washington DC during spring break. I want to go so badly, (what an amazing opportunity!!), but I am afraid. I'm afraid of being thrown in a wave while there, of getting really sick. I'm also pretty afraid of flying.

 

I don't want this damn withdrawal to hold me back from experiencing this with my daughter!  :tickedoff: But I also don't know that I trust my body to be ok on such a big trip.

 

I tend to be a "push through" type, but will this be too much? That's the million dollar question....

 

HH, if I were you, I wouldn't miss this for the world.  I think it's the opportunity of a lifetime, and there will actually be a lot less stress than you think.  You'll have only one kid, no spouse, and you don't have to work.  I think you can do it, and I think you'll always regret it if you don't

 

Hi everyone! I hope all if you don't mind an almost 10 months off this stuff chiming in here. I read posts just to get a sense of what the future will hold and for a lot of encouragement and inspiration. This past month has been very daunting and disturbing in regards to my symptoms. Like right now I've been dealing with shortness of breath off and on all morning, heart palps, leg weakness and I'm still struggling with to disequilibrium that I have constantly.

 

HH...I can't tell you what to do but I would go and do you have contacts in each of the cities that you will be in? I will tell you right now I work in Washington DC and live right on the outskirts so while you are here if you want to just touch base and let me know how you're doing just know that you have a fellow benzo buddy here in one of the pit stop since you will be making. sometimes it's comforting to know at least one or two people in the places that you will be in.

 

again I hope I'm not intruding since I'm not 1 year off yet for another two and a half months but again your post really do encourage me because this month 9 to 12 mark has been a doozy for me so far. Month 7 was such a joy, half of month 8 was good...going into month 9 the waves slammed me again.

 

Everyone be well and I keep each of you in prayer. 

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone,

I have somewhat of a dilemma and I welcome all of your thoughts on it. I found out today that I have the opportunity to go on a school-sponsored trip to the east coast. My oldest daughter is going and due to a change in the original circumstances I am able to go, basically for free. 12 days touring Boston, NYC, and Washington DC during spring break. I want to go so badly, (what an amazing opportunity!!), but I am afraid. I'm afraid of being thrown in a wave while there, of getting really sick. I'm also pretty afraid of flying.

 

I don't want this damn withdrawal to hold me back from experiencing this with my daughter!  :tickedoff: But I also don't know that I trust my body to be ok on such a big trip.

 

I tend to be a "push through" type, but will this be too much? That's the million dollar question....

 

HH, if I were you, I wouldn't miss this for the world.  I think it's the opportunity of a lifetime, and there will actually be a lot less stress than you think.  You'll have only one kid, no spouse, and you don't have to work.  I think you can do it, and I think you'll always regret it if you don't

 

Hi everyone! I hope all if you don't mind an almost 10 months off this stuff chiming in here. I read posts just to get a sense of what the future will hold and for a lot of encouragement and inspiration. This past month has been very daunting and disturbing in regards to my symptoms. Like right now I've been dealing with shortness of breath off and on all morning, heart palps, leg weakness and I'm still struggling with to disequilibrium that I have constantly.

 

HH...I can't tell you what to do but I would go and do you have contacts in each of the cities that you will be in? I will tell you right now I work in Washington DC and live right on the outskirts so while you are here if you want to just touch base and let me know how you're doing just know that you have a fellow benzo buddy here in one of the pit stop since you will be making. sometimes it's comforting to know at least one or two people in the places that you will be in.

 

again I hope I'm not intruding since I'm not 1 year off yet for another two and a half months but again your post really do encourage me because this month 9 to 12 mark has been a doozy for me so far. Month 7 was such a joy, half of month 8 was good...going into month 9 the waves slammed me again.

 

Everyone be well and I keep each of you in prayer. 

 

LM, 10-12 were absolutely horrific for Coop and me.  It felt almost as bad as acute.  Then around month 12.5 I turned a corner, I think Coop might have been earlier.  Hang in there, this is going to get much better for you.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Green, ..how are you doing?...it is do good to hear that you feel like things are unwinding. You really sound like you are making big head way....I hope you are feeling the healing every day. You are sounding strong...in the midst of your Christmas boxes...

....I woke up this morning ...feeling pretty good . granted, early. 4am.  but with only vague sx.  Got up, made my decaf and settled in to watch the early news ( all the same Yada Yada .  but so used to my distractions , they have become a way of life now........No headache.  No zaps...anxiety less than a whisper ..actually have a sense of looking forward to thday..  crossing my fingers...saying a little prayer. Have a little hope today.  No dizziness.  No d/r....enjoying it for however long it lasts... sending you wishes for an effortless mind day.  Love to you Green.  coop

 

Coop, I am improved from before, mostly in the attitude, though.  Amazingly, there are pretty much the same limitations, same set of crazy symptoms that rise and fall, with small subtle improvements along the way.  The therapist turned out to be a plus.  Tremendous help with issues in my life and the intrusive thoughts, figuring out what's real apparently is very helpful when it comes to intrusives.    I remember Life got so much from his therapy.  I never could have gone as early as he did, I just wasn't ready, I was way too crazy, and too engulfed in massive symptoms.  I try very hard to ignore the symptoms now, even when they're monsters towering over me.  I'm sure I've got some monster waves left, but I'm not going to be afraid like I was, that fear was killing me.  Last night the inner vibrations woke me out of a dead sleep.  And I'm thinking still?  But it passed after a while and I was able to go back to sleep.

By spring I really think we're all going to see huge improvements.

[[Lo...]]

Hi everyone,

I have somewhat of a dilemma and I welcome all of your thoughts on it. I found out today that I have the opportunity to go on a school-sponsored trip to the east coast. My oldest daughter is going and due to a change in the original circumstances I am able to go, basically for free. 12 days touring Boston, NYC, and Washington DC during spring break. I want to go so badly, (what an amazing opportunity!!), but I am afraid. I'm afraid of being thrown in a wave while there, of getting really sick. I'm also pretty afraid of flying.

 

I don't want this damn withdrawal to hold me back from experiencing this with my daughter!  :tickedoff: But I also don't know that I trust my body to be ok on such a big trip.

 

I tend to be a "push through" type, but will this be too much? That's the million dollar question....

 

HH, if I were you, I wouldn't miss this for the world.  I think it's the opportunity of a lifetime, and there will actually be a lot less stress than you think.  You'll have only one kid, no spouse, and you don't have to work.  I think you can do it, and I think you'll always regret it if you don't

 

Hi everyone! I hope all if you don't mind an almost 10 months off this stuff chiming in here. I read posts just to get a sense of what the future will hold and for a lot of encouragement and inspiration. This past month has been very daunting and disturbing in regards to my symptoms. Like right now I've been dealing with shortness of breath off and on all morning, heart palps, leg weakness and I'm still struggling with to disequilibrium that I have constantly.

 

HH...I can't tell you what to do but I would go and do you have contacts in each of the cities that you will be in? I will tell you right now I work in Washington DC and live right on the outskirts so while you are here if you want to just touch base and let me know how you're doing just know that you have a fellow benzo buddy here in one of the pit stop since you will be making. sometimes it's comforting to know at least one or two people in the places that you will be in.

 

again I hope I'm not intruding since I'm not 1 year off yet for another two and a half months but again your post really do encourage me because this month 9 to 12 mark has been a doozy for me so far. Month 7 was such a joy, half of month 8 was good...going into month 9 the waves slammed me again.

 

Everyone be well and I keep each of you in prayer. 

 

LM, 10-12 were absolutely horrific for Coop and I.  It felt almost as bad as acute.  Then around month 12.5 I turned a corner, I think Coop might have been earlier.  Hang in there, this is going to get much better for you.

 

Thank you for the encouragement, there are so many of us in the 8-12 month bracket that are getting slammed! Insanity.

 

It has to get better. I should be grateful that I have 5 main symptoms bothering me. A couple of minor that aren't counted but I remember having countless symptoms between Lyme disease and now benzo W/D.

 

Its funny when others can see the healing...I feel semi stuck. Probably because I'm in the thick of it.

 

Much love, thank you!!!! 

[[Co...]]

LM...you are so welcome to be here. Yes, Green is right months 10-12 were fir me, a return to min-acute...some sx that had started to fall off came back with some intensity. I am early into month 16 now and emerging from a pretty deep wave , but I think my baseline seems like it had moved to 90% . I cross my fingers as I say that because I am only about 3 says out of this wave. Many of us on this thread are wavering between feeling the healing and being rolled over by unexpected waves with some sx that seem to be visiting from acute long ago. I also still have the slightly off balance inner sense if disequalibrium. That has been with from the second dose of ativan...I or my doctor just did not recognize it as a side effect. .sigh.. I still deal with health fears which have been huge since month six  but completely disappear in a window. Like Gree, I will probably seek psychotherapy for them after the 18-24 month mile marker. I want to be well enough to say no thank you to any psych meds..and somewhat hopeful that maybe with complete healing they will become the normal low grade health concerns of someone who is 65. ..I had a late ( month 25) wave of head pressure that really had me going for awhile but it is so much better in this week.

.....I really feel the healing underneath the slight d/r I have today.. You are going to feel that definite shift to better pretty soon...is my guess, but the waves hit us a litter harder in the late months because no one expects to be still getting them in months 12-18.  So it as crushing mental fatigue and discouragement when they roll us under.  I think everyone here is noting improvement in spite of late w/d waves.

    Keep it going LM.. you have come a long long way.  We are here to support you in the second year..  coop

[[Co...]]

* not month 25...have mercy!.. month 15*...I had a bad wave in month 15...

[[Sk...]]

LM, how nice to hear from you ! Don't feel like you are intruding, you are a buddie and that is all it takes to join this club, unfortunately !

 

I think it's only natural to want to know what lies in store for you, I do hope you don't find our stories too scary.

 

Today, my vibrations are so strong, it's been many days now. I feel them in my heart as well, not only in my stomach, how weird. My palps are there, I had hoped to never have to use my apple cider again, but there I am starting on them all over again. :'(

 

Oh well, this too will pass. I am taking as many naps as I can, in between lessons, it's the one really  good thing, I get to sleep, and my sleep is so much better, better now than during benzos. So that is a good thing.

 

Susan, glad to hear your therapy is going so well.

[[No...]]

Hi LM ... join right in ... we may be here a while yet ... 

 

I was out and about this morning ... enjoying the winter ... even in the snow ... got home at lunch time ... had a mini rev ... ignored it and made lunch ... a pretty good afternoon ... just some background song and dance ...

 

Coop ... maybe the sturm und drang of this one is petering out ...

 

Looks like we have another storm coming on Friday ... the $64,000 question ... where are you going to put the snow Mr Mayor? ... the sidewalk banks are up to my chest ...

 

Hope you all are having a good Tuesday as best you can ...

 

[[je...]]

Hi LM!

Welcome months 9/10 were basically acute for me and I was still not doing too well until month 12, then I felt a jump in my baseline. I have breathing issues too and about a month ago things literally opened up for me and I could finally get a deep breath! It felt amazing I feel like it will continue to improve as I can tell that there is a lot of healing going on right now underneath all these sx . Hang in there, you are in those tough months right now. Jenny

[[Co...]]

Nova, sounds like things are starting to wind down for you.  I am so glad to hear that.  After 3/4 weeks of on again off again wave it seems l8ke it is taking 3/4 days of slow lifting.

.......enjoy your snow..lol.  don't shovel.  Make chicken stew..have a better day Nova....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... I won't have to shovel until it snows 120 feet ... I live on the twelfth floor ... 

 

Yeah, let's hope this one is winding down for us ... enough already ... 

 

[[Sk...]]

My heart is beating so fast, I might take a walk later in the cold, it always calms my heart and brain down.

 

WIll see. Take care, I will go watch some television now.

[[sa...]]

I don't know what to do with the snow. We are just outside Boston and buried under 6 Ft in the last two weeks. I have never seen anything like this in my life. So tired of it. Cold too. Nothing is melting. Good exercise though on the days that I'm not in a wave.

 

Today was hard shoveling before work. I should have done it last night, but was feeling horrible. This morning was no better and the workout just revved up the fear and anxiety to crazy levels. I did make it to work though. Week two back to work. It is good to be here and busy. There is no time to think about symptoms. At home I would just pace and count the minutes on the clock. This should make time pass faster as I wait for healing.

 

 

[[je...]]

My heart is beating so fast, I might take a walk later in the cold, it always calms my heart and brain down.

 

WIll see. Take care, I will go watch some television now.

 

 

Hi sky,

I'm so sorry you have the heart palps thing going on, I know it can feel so scary. I think a walk is a good idea, it always seems to help me distract and feel better afterward. I hope you get some good sleep and feel better tomorrow. Jenny 

[[je...]]

Hi HH-- I think this is a great opportunity for you, but I understand your hesitation. I think the fact that you show up for work everyday despite how you feel proves you are very tough and I think you will probably be fine. I think the others suggestion of having some quiet time is good advice. Youll need some time to unplug. We are here to support you either way! Love, jenny