12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Good Afternoon ... here ... I went over to the dollar store and picked up my license ... I am now authorized to whine all I want ... 

 

Jeez ... this is hard and exhausting stuff we are doing ... we all have earned two things ...    and 

 

Even though it is very cold here, I went out and wandered around this morning ... felt good to be out ... when I got cold I would go inside and warm up and go back out ... being out was good ... coming back in the revving would start again ... back and forth ... in and out ...

 

I have been able to get some extension back in my neck over the last week with some standing exercise that I do ... and ... even with the improvement in extension the tension still comes and goes ... the same with the head pressure ... when I massage it I can release it some and then it comes back ... the same with most of the other stuff ...

 

Can't seem to do anything for the feeling of congestion ...

 

So ... I just continue on ... this has to give up the ghost some time ... and I am often feeling this is as good as it gets ... I know that is not true ... this is just a long, tiring stretch I just have to get through ...

 

Hang in there Folks ... we will get there ...

 

[[Co...]]

Nova,...yep...we are having the same morning....got up to some acute yuk....nausea...mild dizziness...a few frustration tears ( so sick of fear)  outside with the dog...things lifted ..came back in and it was like a balloon deflating.  Still better than when I first got up but depression is waiting for the pounce .  Hoping to distract it away...I will get through this day in the very best way that I can and do the best that I can with whatever shows up today.

  .My neck has totally softened up too..I can lay down on a pillow without my neck turning to cement...and turning my head doesn't take a gear shift .. Nova, all of this has to be w/d.  It is all too the same lyric...had to be the same music with individual artistic interpretation. ..

....I will be in and out throughout the day too, but it is much warmer here...Happy wandering Nova...Happy to hear that your neck is loosening up...don't you think that will help the head pressure too?.  ..Head pressure is awful...I am wishing it away for you Nova..  love to you....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... I am in for the afternoon ... feel better for having been out ... mentally ...

 

And I hear ya ... last year all the frustration and fear and confusion ... this year I know better ... and it ain't any easier ...

 

Have a good day ...

 

[[mr...]]

Nova,...yep...we are having the same morning....got up to some acute yuk....nausea...mild dizziness...a few frustration tears ( so sick of fear)  outside with the dog...things lifted ..came back in and it was like a balloon deflating.  Still better than when I first got up but depression is waiting for the pounce .  Hoping to distract it away...I will get through this day in the very best way that I can and do the best that I can with whatever shows up today.

  .My neck has totally softened up too..I can lay down on a pillow without my neck turning to cement...and turning my head doesn't take a gear shift .. Nova, all of this has to be w/d.  It is all too the same lyric...had to be the same music with individual artistic interpretation. ..

....I will be in and out throughout the day too, but it is much warmer here...Happy wandering Nova...Happy to hear that your neck is loosening up...don't you think that will help the head pressure too?.  ..Head pressure is awful...I am wishing it away for you Nova..  love to you....coop

 

Yes Coop -- I hear you on this one. Grr!!!! I have to remember though....and I told Mr this last night...my worst month was August 2014...that was only six months ago. A LOT has progressed in six months - but I can't really be upset, it doesn't make sense to be - with only six months time in between now & then. Look at Sophia's success story, and read some of her past posts...she made a nine month update mentioning her "least fav" symptoms (fear, anxiety, head pressure!)...her success story is one of my favorites (called "HOPE is the thing..."). She's got a line in there that I have highlighted in my office: "...I am now healed to the degree that I live life fully everyday, without fear or anxiety. I can go anywhere and do anything, with comfort and ease. I smile. I laugh. I make plans for the future. Nothing scares me! This is nothing short of a miracle, since for a long time just getting out of bed, or going to the grocery store, or doing some such mundane thing, set me reeling into the depths of despair."

 

Yeah. Its one of my favs Love to you Coop - we're gonna make it!

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Thanks Mrs. ...I think you are doing pretty darn good at 6 months. Your mental attitude is so 'cam do'...I love your posts. All of you 'Nike' peeps out there working and taking care of families just amaze me. I hope your fear and anxiety give you some breaks. Wish I had some magic tips for you ( and me)...After 15 completed months I have tried almost everything... here is what helps me...distraction ( helps a log but I don't always have the concentration), lavender Epsome salts hot bath soaks, crying when needed ( really releases some of the misery), time, time, time ....and the best help of all for me has been all of the wonderfully smart, compasdionate, wise, inspirational and funny friends on BB . I honestly would not have made it past 6 months without my friends here..  Mrs...another 6 months and you will see a much better baseline.....Sending you sunbreaks friend....coop

[[dr...]]

good morning all...

 

Hi Mrs and coop

 

I am trudging along.  A bit of crazy thoughts trying to get my anxiety up but I am passing the day at work.  Woke up with heavy DR but like we all seem to say here this is nothing compared to what I used to have. 

 

I had a big victory for myself on Saturday which is probably why I am a bit out of it today.  I went to dinner with my GF and then had a party in the city later that night.  My GF wasn't going but kept telling me that I would probably end up on the couch sick instead of going.  She wasn't being mean, just realistic from my past behaviors.  I ended up going out and staying out until 1am with my friends.  I had a great time and she had the house to herself for the first time since we moved in together. I had no anxiety or wacky feelings.  I did have chest tightness and other fun stuff though.  Even had two drinks. We forget how hard it can be on others when we just are "there" all the time.     

[[No...]]

Hi ... this is enough to drive this old fella to drink ... everything lifted for about two hours this afternoon ... then slam, bam ... "we're back ... did ya' miss us?" ...

 

Banged my head on the desk a couple of times ... laughed ... and now am "back at it" ... so much for health fears ...

 

If I was to write an autobiography I am sure they would put it in the fiction section ... 

 

Not much else to say ...

 

[[mr...]]

Friggin' benzo fear! and  and and and and and

 

Harrumph.

 

Okay. Rant ended. On to better things! How's life, everyone?

 

I had my yearly physical today, and things look great Only running one round of labs - hooray! - and then I was done Just finishing up work today, and then off to home Been pooping a lot today -forgive the TMI Must be eating more fiber or something

 

How's y'all?

 

Mrs.

[[Sk...]]

MRs, nice to see you.

 

I am having really bad palps, no matter how much I know that it's ok, they just freak me out. So I am off to bed early, I have a lesson at 7 am, but I would be off to bed early anyway, these are  weird days, aren't they ?

 

MIchael, sorry to hear you got only a two hour break.

 

See you all tomorrow and hang in there.

[[Co...]]

Hang on Nova,....I had a two hour window yesterday and then it dimmed...I am right there with you with the head banging and looping health fear....but toda it's not as bad...no window...cycling sx ..the key word...cycling...in between sx little sunbeams ( less than sunbreaks). ...flat flat affect but not as revved as yesterday or this morning . Doesn't this feel exactly like 5th month acute...I was out again too...wind and cold but it really did provide some relief. It seems like going outside somehow breaks the loop in looping thoughts/fears.

.....I am so sorry Nova that this is dragging you around for another dance.. We are kind of on the same track...I think K it is going to get better...Your wave sounds a lot like this long miserable one that I am trying to get off my back. ...and it is gradually getting better...thinking of you Nova.....coop

[[Co...]]

Sky, ....rest well ...I hope your palps calm...sheesh...the communal wave of sx marches on....month 18 here we come.....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew,...wow oh wow....that is such an encouraging post. So glad you got another slice of normal joyous life and your gf got the place to herself ...yes, it's very hard on our families. Sometimes I hate going through this on my own, but at least nobody else has to be subjetted to it 24/7...

......you sound really good in spite of " trudging along"  Wishing you big long days of effortless mind ....coop

[[dr...]]

thx coop...I wouldn't say effortless mind today at all but I am okay. I have some DR which I mentioned earlier and pretty consistent ear hissing in my right ear.  I have to be careful as that is a sign my brain is doing something   I made the gym for a gentle 25min elliptical at lunch.  I must remember not to overdo the exercise.  I feel like such a sloth though.   

I know we all get those damn bodyaches and mine have increased as of late.  I read as they seem to have gotten worse for others ahead of me but I am hoping I don't follow that path.  When i get up to pee at night my body seriously feels like a creaky, old, and rusty model T. 

 

I am so sorry to see how much everyone is suffering here. 

[[No...]]

Coop ... I just laughed this afternoon ... there was no other response ... and it a way it does feel like it is gradually wrapping up ... if I had to say yes or no, I would say yes it is ... just a another while to go yet ...

 

Hope your sunbeam turns into a sunbreak ...

 

[[No...]]

Hey Drew ... yep ... an old model T ... got to crank the critter a few times before it engages sometimes ...

 

Sounds like you are doing okay right now ... keep sledding ... we are getting there ... now if it would just warm up outside to just below freezing I would be a happier camper ...

 

[[No...]]

Sky ... hang on ... you are doing really well ... even if it doesn't feel like it right now ... just a while longer and we will be out of this stuff ... 

[[dr...]]

We had a tropical air mass come from Hawaii.  Poured down hard and wind was insane.  It has been balmy 60-70's though   I am off to Kuaui in 11 days for a vacay.  Excited and hopefully I will enjoy it more than just having withdrawals in a pretty location like last time

[[No...]]

Mrs ... yep ... the benzo fear ... just another nuisance that shows up from time to time ...

 

I was told to eat more fibre a while ago ... told them that if I ate anymore fibre I could rebuild the Kon-Tiki ... that doc was not amused ... too bad for him ...

 

Have a good evening ...

 

[[mr...]]

Mrs ... yep ... the benzo fear ... just another nuisance that shows up from time to time ...

 

I was told to eat more fibre a while ago ... told them that if I ate anymore fibre I could rebuild the Kon-Tiki ... that doc was not amused ... too bad for him ...

 

Have a good evening ...

 

 

That's too funny!!! Thanks Nova

 

Mrs.

[[je...]]

Hang on Nova,....I had a two hour window yesterday and then it dimmed...I am right there with you with the head banging and looping health fear....but toda it's not as bad...no window...cycling sx ..the key word...cycling...in between sx little sunbeams ( less than sunbreaks). ...flat flat affect but not as revved as yesterday or this morning . Doesn't this feel exactly like 5th month acute...I was out again too...wind and cold but it really did provide some relief. It seems like going outside somehow breaks the loop in looping thoughts/fears.

.....I am so sorry Nova that this is dragging you around for another dance.. We are kind of on the same track...I think K it is going to get better...Your wave sounds a lot like this long miserable one that I am trying to get off my back. ...and it is gradually getting better...thinking of you Nova.....coop

 

 

Hi Coop,

I was thinking about your 5 month acute comment you mentioned above and I was thinking about how 1 year about Jan/February month 5/6 for me were so bad and here iam again having a rough time in those months. I'm wondering it there really is something to the idea that waves have a pattern or a cycle. Who knows? I'm just thinking out loud.

 

Drew-- I'm jealous.. Have fun in Hawaii!

[[Co...]]

Hi Jenny, ..are you still feeLing wavy? .....This seems to a long drawn out wave for a lot of us. I just keep looking towards month 18...I can not believe we have been at this for so long...I really hope things begin to lift for you. My wave is trying to lift, but it's a slow go. I have at least gone from spooky depression to apathy...the apathy separates me from the anxiety and health fear but it is only a short step up from depression..How is your head pressure? ..Mine is less and the headache is still gone...thank you God...I guess I am happy for that...but I am tired of being okay with scraps of normal life.....I do think my waves have a pattern. It sometimes feels that it just keeps repeating with some variation here and there. To me it seems that every three months is kind of the repeat and rinse  frame. I feel like every three months I kind of go through all the sx ..start to get better and then start at the beginning again. I am reading what I just wrote...sounds a little nutty...I honestly don't know how to think about this on some days...

.....sending you thoughts for a better day tomorrow...coop

[[Gr...]]

Coop ... I just laughed this afternoon ... there was no other response ... and it a way it does feel like it is gradually wrapping up ... if I had to say yes or no, I would say yes it is ... just a another while to go yet ...

 

Hope your sunbeam turns into a sunbreak ...

 

 

Yes, I had a laugh out loud moment, and it was wonderful.  yes, a little while to go, but wrapping up.

[[Gr...]]

MRs, nice to see you.

 

I am having really bad palps, no matter how much I know that it's ok, they just freak me out. So I am off to bed early, I have a lesson at 7 am, but I would be off to bed early anyway, these are  weird days, aren't they ?

 

MIchael, sorry to hear you got only a two hour break.

 

See you all tomorrow and hang in there.

 

Sky, hopefully they don't last too long.  Working at 11 p.m. and then getting up at 7 a.m. to work again, it's a bit of a push, but you're doing what you have to do, and in the long run I don't think it will slow your recovery down.  Just take that break where you can.

[[je...]]

Hi Jenny, ..are you still feeLing wavy? .....This seems to a long drawn out wave for a lot of us. I just keep looking towards month 18...I can not believe we have been at this for so long...I really hope things begin to lift for you. My wave is trying to lift, but it's a slow go. I have at least gone from spooky depression to apathy...the apathy separates me from the anxiety and health fear but it is only a short step up from depression..How is your head pressure? ..Mine is less and the headache is still gone...thank you God...I guess I am happy for that...but I am tired of being okay with scraps of normal life.....I do think my waves have a pattern. It sometimes feels that it just keeps repeating with some variation here and there. To me it seems that every three months is kind of the repeat and rinse  frame. I feel like every three months I kind of go through all the sx ..start to get better and then start at the beginning again. I am reading what I just wrote...sounds a little nutty...I honestly don't know how to think about this on some days...

.....sending you thoughts for a better day tomorrow...coop

 

 

Hi Coop,

I'm doing a lot better now, but this last wave was a good 3-4 weeks long and cycled all over the place. Right now my head pressure is okay, but when I'm in a wave it comes back in a more milder version. Im noticing that every 6 months i get a big acute wave and I would say every 3 months I get a mild wave. I'm so sorry you are still dealing with this big wave. You have been so strong through all of it-- you really have.. I remember "meeting" you on here about a year ago and you were much more frantic and scared. You really have come a long way Coop and I'm so proud of you. You are gonna make it through this wave and I bet you will feel another jump in your baseline. I hope you get some good rest tonight and wake up to a big window. Jenny 

[[He...]]

Hi everyone,

I have somewhat of a dilemma and I welcome all of your thoughts on it. I found out today that I have the opportunity to go on a school-sponsored trip to the east coast. My oldest daughter is going and due to a change in the original circumstances I am able to go, basically for free. 12 days touring Boston, NYC, and Washington DC during spring break. I want to go so badly, (what an amazing opportunity!!), but I am afraid. I'm afraid of being thrown in a wave while there, of getting really sick. I'm also pretty afraid of flying.

 

I don't want this damn withdrawal to hold me back from experiencing this with my daughter!  :tickedoff: But I also don't know that I trust my body to be ok on such a big trip.

 

I tend to be a "push through" type, but will this be too much? That's the million dollar question....