12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Good Morning, Folks ...

 

To those doing well  ... to those doing medium  ... and to those doing yukky  ...

 

We are all in this together ... and in an odd so of way we are all in the same place ... getting closer day by day ...

 

Got some good sleep ... and got up with a chest full of anxiety ... and still lots of tightness in the neck and throat and sinus ... 

 

I am getting outside today for a few hours ... got to ... or I will start re-painting this place again ... and some more weather coming tomorrow and Friday ...

 

Let's all have a good Wednesday ...

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi, here's my update, I am feeling better than  yesterday, but so scared after the wave/ period .

 

So, here I am doing same old, same old, lessons, biking, lessons, preparing for lessons, biking. Nova, glad to hear you are going out today. 

 

I am eating so much fruit, trying to get the right vitamins in my body. It doesn't matter if I am really hungry, I just see it as feeding my brain to be a happier bunny than before. Hope it is helping. 

 

everybody, have a better day, see you around later. 

[[be...]]

Hi Beulah, I use yogurt or almond milk because I don't like juices either. I add almonds or almond butter for extra protein . We have sons about the same age...mine is 35...

....How are you doing? ....You were sounding good the last time you posted...I hope you are good Beulah...keep us posted. We can use all the good news we can get here...coop

 

Hey Coop,I will have to try the almond butter in my yogurt drink.

As far as my healing, my baseline has improved. While I still have symptoms all over the map and some bad waves, I can feel healing underneath it all. It's like the withdrawal layers are being peel away more quickly....one hour...one day...one month at a time.

I'm feeling really tired lately. I had my doc check my vitamins levels and they were all fine except the d3, not gonna go there yet. I'm still hypo thyroid  and I know it's continuing to my fatigue but at the same time I can't go up on my thyroid meds. My new doc is trying to understand all of this and letting me call the shots.  I brought to him as a new patient a lot of years of medical baggage and he really doesn't know what to do with me. He is listening to me about the withdrawal and that's a plus.

He admitted he knows very little about benzodiazepine withdrawal, so Now I'm working very hard at educating him. I have so much to tell him that my visits have been running over in time. I scheduled my next appointment for the latest time of day....lol....I won't shut up ...and they can't make me.

I think my worst symptoms are still the nerve and head pain. I still have the chemical burning, nerve and muscle pain in my legs along with the neuropathy. All of this is improving...just very turtle speed.

My medical fears, intrusive thoughts, panic, anxiety and depression are all so much better.

My husband told me the other day that I'm getting my sense of humor back. Sometimes we don't notice our own improvements and it takes someone close to us to point these things out. Just like we need constant reassurance that we're ok, we also need to hear of the improvements in our healing...or at least I do.

As warmer weather is right around the corner I know we will all feel much improvements.

Let the time pass and carry on as best I can. This is all I can do for now, and for now...it's enough for me.

Hugs to all of you.

 

[[No...]]

Hi Beulah ... your post sounds like you are well grounded and know what you need and what you want ... and Time ... that's what we do ... 

[[Sk...]]

Beulah, you do sound great.  Your doctor  he is listening and that is a plus.

 

Glad to hear you are getting your sense of humour back, that is the first victim of wd, isn't it ?

[[Co...]]

Beulah.. , your post is so encouraging...bless your heart for posting it. ...it is so reassuring for me to hear that people as far out as me are still having head sx. ..not that I want ANYONE to have head sx. My wave lifted for a few hours yesterday and came back with a vengence all night ...I am suree people are just sick of hearing my whine whine...I promise to quit. Beulah...you are so right ...not enough reassurance in the world to get through a wave. I haven't had one like this since month 3. ...Is it possible that beta blockers in crumb doses could Kindle someone? ...I swear am as acute as can be....

......Beulah ....I just love hearing that you are feeling  your 'bounce' as Nova would say and feeling happiness and humor....I just could not be happier for you. Gives me so much hope. ....Enjoy Enjoy....love to you Beulah.....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... probably not helpful right now to go down the "kindle" road ... just more confusion and doubt ...

 

I got out for a couple of hours today ... rather pleasant ... cold, no wind and bright, bright sunshine ... footing was a bit treacherous in places ... all in all good stuff ...

 

How are you doing, my friend ...

 

Got some chicken stew started for dinner ... a Wednesday clean out the fridge meal ...

 

[[mr...]]

Coop, I'm with Nova on this one Its probably just an icky wave that will leave an AMAZING baseline once its gone Remember those waves of late usher in new levels of healing - do NOT mistake them for steps "backwards" I often view it as my brain sorta pulling a "system offline" for a while...kinda like the IT department does at my job when they're going through a system update, or if a system needs fixing...hence the temporary malfunction and/or inability to access a program, etc. Once back online, its smoother and faster than ever!

 

Yes, its a good way to view those waves of latter months

 

Mrs.

[[Aq...]]

Coop, I'm with Nova on this one Its probably just an icky wave that will leave an AMAZING baseline once its gone Remember those waves of late usher in new levels of healing - do NOT mistake them for steps "backwards" I often view it as my brain sorta pulling a "system offline" for a while...kinda like the IT department does at my job when they're going through a system update, or if a system needs fixing...hence the temporary malfunction and/or inability to access a program, etc. Once back online, its smoother and faster than ever!

 

Yes, its a good way to view those waves of latter months

 

Mrs.

 

Hah, I am working some bugs out right now myself. 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... fascia ... as I understand it, and please don't quote me, I ain't no physio person ... this is from Tai Chi ... the fascia is the "connector" between muscles and tendons ... sort of a mediator between things ... and it is all over the body ... literally everywhere ... we have the bones tied into muscles and tendons ... and the fascia is there to support the muscles and tendons ... sort of like butter on toast, if you will ...

 

And it is very active and dynamic ... and needs "lubrication" or it "hitches up" and "grabs" ... it is not the nerve pathways ... though it helps support these as well ...

 

Kind of like the lymph system ... always working "behind the scenes" ... and for those with some experience ... it may coincide with the meridian pathways ... as I believe it does ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ...

 

Thank you, Nova, yes, that sounds right. And I still think that's what hurts, lol.

[[Sk...]]

Going to bed, I just managed to sleep through a film I  actually wanted to see, so now I can go to bed with a sense of achievement ! Have to dose that magnesium better.

 

All calm today, just a lot of cog fog and my heart hinting at some action, but compared to yesterday, it is fine.

 

Hope you all are better, didn't get much time to catch up with the thread. Take care, we are doing this, one slow step at time.

 

Take care.

[[Co...]]

Nova and Mrs...thank you so much. I hesitate to say this, but things seem to be fading somewhat. Still very frafile feeling and my crazy mind doesn't want to move over too much to share the space with my rational mind.

.....I really hope you arc right Mrs about a better baseline...I can use it....Nova, your stew sounds wonderful ...weirdly my appetite is creeping back in ....chicken stew sounds lovely...maybe I will throw one in the crockpot...I made an ant inflammatory smoothie this morning and actually drank some of it...my favorite smoothie..it turns out

in this lovely pistachio green color ...pineapple, celery, cu umber, spinach and Greek yogurt...the celery and cucumber help release excess fluid and the pineapple has something that helps with pain and swelling....the yogurt is protein and prpbiotics...I also caved in and took 200mg of Ibueprofen...no beta block as things seem to be manageable...

.......thank you so much ...Mrs you sound good . Nova how are you this evening.. .any bounce in your  cooking?.....coop..

[[Gr...]]

Peace, .. amazing...you are right where Green and I were when we both felt the shift...we both pretty much said, ..yeah, the sx are still there but I just feel the healing beneath them . It is wonderful to hear you say that you are now feeling that this does not have to end in catastrophe. ..even though it's still tough. ..Peace, you have nothing to forgive yourself for. The black corners of our minds are exactly where the Benzo Beast hides out.  the dark thoughts are not ours. 

......You are just sounding in such a good place.  You deserve it girly. Yep, we are all super heroes.  This truly is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. There will be an end to this. If I was a millionaire I would send everyone plaNE tickets to my city and we would have the biggest celebration ever when we are all across the 24 month mark ...I honestly don't know where I would be today without the support of my friends here....reinstated I think.. So glad to see you Peace.  Happy baseline to you!  coop

 

Yes, Peace, Coop is right, this is going to get so much, better, and then one day it's going to be gone.

 

I was falling into the trap of focusing on what I still can't do.  So today I decided to celebrate what I can do, what I am doing now, and I felt better when I did.  Sleep is better.  still go to bed late, but I don't wake up every hour on the hour, drenched in sweat, alternately freezing and heating up, cooking, throwing the covers on and off all night long.  I'm waking up a little more refreshed, feel almost normal in the morning, no dread, depression, anxiety, cortisol rushes before I open my eyes.

 

I'm much better at talking and interacting with people.  Less intrusive thoughts (for now, anyway) 

 

new symptoms, or ones that came back.  chest pressure, similar to what Jenny described, tight chest, it actually feels like asthma, like I can't breathe, rather than the breathless feeling I would get from anxiety.  Maybe feeling like I can't breathe causes the anxiety?  Don't know.  I've decided to ignore it and stay calm and hopefully it will go away soon.

new types of pain, like knife-like piercing of the joints, and an odd assortment of bizarre stuff, I'm sure you guys know it all.  for now, the headaches and pressure have gone. and recently been having more frequent unprovoked feeling of pure fear, as though the panic attack is coming, but I stay calm and it's been passing in a whole body flush.  hopefully the real deal doesn't come back.  stomach and GI problems are back, cycling from diarrhea to constipation, and benzo belly and GI discomfort.  Some days nausea is really bad.

 

Weirdly, in spite of all the remaining symptoms, I remain convinced I, and everyone here, is going to get better.  There's healing going on.  Just have to be patient.  and don't freak, don't let the fear take hold.

[[Sk...]]

Sue, I couldn't agree with you more, we are improving amidst all the really  bad moments.

[[Gr...]]

HH-- great news! So happy you had a good day!

Sky-- so sorry you are having a rough day, let's hope this passes quickly for you-- head pressure is the worst. I think your lessons are good distractions. Feel better 

 

Coop and Nova-- you both sound a little better today, so I hope your day ends well 

 

 

I ended up forcing myself to take my kids to the park after dinner last night and I think the fresh air and exercise helped me yesterday. I tried jogging a little bit and surprisingly I didn't drop dead  I'm feeling much better today, still with a lot of brain sensations but my mood is better and sx  are more tolerable today. Jenny

 

Jenny, getting out the door and walking probably saved my life.  I always feel better when I do.

 

Did you jog far?  And did you have any after effects?  body pain?

[[Gr...]]

Going to bed, I just managed to sleep through a film I  actually wanted to see, so now I can go to bed with a sense of achievement ! Have to dose that magnesium better.

All calm today, just a lot of cog fog and my heart hinting at some action, but compared to yesterday, it is fine.

Hope you all are better, didn't get much time to catch up with the thread. Take care, we are doing this, one slow step at time.

 

Take care.

 

Me, too, Sky, me, too.

[[Gr...]]

Sue, I couldn't agree with you more, we are improving amidst all the really  bad moments.

 

We really are.  It just takes so damned long.  For a long time I was afraid to say what sx were gone, because I was terrified they would hear me and come back!  PTSD, lol.    I'm getting more confidant now that if they come back, they're temporary and I can handle it. (I hope I don't live to eat those words!)

 

Feel better, everyone.  Sloppy Joes for dinner.  Why are we all cooking?  Nesting?  It was my first accomplishment in healing, buying food, following a recipe, planning, organizing.

[[No...]]

Coop ... I just made the connection with Green and the asthma sensation ... that's is what it feels like ... having a bout of "asthma" right now ... and the usual head plugged up stuff ... as before, not dreadful ... just plain old fashioned annoying ...

 

And the weather is turning again after a really nice day today ... looks like another two or three days of the "messies" ...

 

[[No...]]

Green ... another buddy once described that sweating stuff as "malaria" ... I did have a bout of it for several months and then it went away not to return ... don't seem to have much of the sweats at all anymore ...

 

[[Co...]]

Green...you sound great...do t show the screen to your absent sx....sloppy joes, chicken stew...all sounds really yum. So glad to see you here today...keep holding your own ...I am right behind you ( I hope)....

......Sleep well Sky.  ..It's only 3pm here, but I am going to bed too....felt like I wrestled the devil last night. ..Nova , I hate it that you have head pressure ...and the asthma chest as well...if this awfulness doesn't outright kill us we are going to be the strongest we have ever been

....good night friends...thanks so much for all the support.. coop...

[[No...]]

Get a good rest, Coop ... 

[[pe...]]

Hi buddies-

With my full time work and kiddos (who are still slogging through the flu) I am not able to keep up. I'm getting the gist that things are long and hard and that's true for me too. I am just absolutely exhausted and long for the chance to stay in my bed with no demands for at least a few days. That's not happening anytime soon. My sincerest hope is that we all get safely and permanently to the other side of all this very soon.

 

Sooooo tired, not sure this work thing is working out. Ugh.

Peace2

[[dr...]]

Nova-I think your contagious...I've been getting hit with late day headaches along with the tight neck. Some head pressure and sinus stuff.  Haven't had this in a while

[[He...]]

"Asthma chest", that is what it is. Great description! I feel like my chest is being squeezed in sometimes, but from the inside. I think it's from the fascia being all tight, maybe? Whatever it is, it sometimes feels like I can't take a proper breath and my chest feels heavy and achy.

 

I had quite a bit of this today. I had one episode when it felt like my chest and head were squeezing in so much that it made me have a burst of anxiety flare up. It didn't last long, but I hated it nonetheless.

 

I sure am tired tonight and look forward to going to sleep early. 

 

I am sad to read that so many are in waves today. I'm amazed at how we can continue to do this. We are stronger than we even realize! One day we WILL get through this. 100% done. Healed. Please, Lord, let that day be soon!

[[Gr...]]

Coop ... I just made the connection with Green and the asthma sensation ... that's is what it feels like ... having a bout of "asthma" right now ... and the usual head plugged up stuff ... as before, not dreadful ... just plain old fashioned annoying ...

 

And the weather is turning again after a really nice day today ... looks like another two or three days of the "messies" ...

 

 

Yes, M , this feels distinctly like a lung thing.  You know, some people have been misdiagnosed with asthma in withdrawal.  I had it in tolerance, I had the whistle, the whole deal.  then gone, like I never had it. 

 

And in the extreme cold, it's awful, I feel like I have to cover my face with a scarf and breathe into it, avoid the cold air.  I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but I find it very comforting when someone else has my symptoms.

 

As Coop said, spring will be very welcome