12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Another great success story ...Loving My Life Again...by Maggie 6117...she makes a hugely definitive statement about month 18.  " A huge turn around at month 18"....big encouragement there...

[[Sk...]]

Green, great to see you here again, and great to hear you have your  mental clarity.

 

I am in a bad way, this must be my worse period yet, it is so painful, I am practilcally in continent,  my vibrations are out of this world  and i  am nuttier than usual. SOmehow in all of this, I was able to give two lesson today, but now I am so tired and tired of complaining all the time.

 

I will go to bed early, hold on tight to mr Sky and to my childhood teddy bear, and make it through this one as well.

 

Everybody have a nice evening,

 

Sky

 

[[mr...]]

Just an fyi, ....there is a very encouraging success story by Mathewonline.  page 9 of the success stories. ..He posted at 2 years, 2 weeks 2 days off.  Describes his waves as sequentially worse from one to the next, slow pattern of improvement, chronic discourage mentioned . .and totally better at 2 years

....I think we we can heal at any point. As someone said earlier...you never know what tomorrow will bring.. and it could be the day you heal.. but for some of us this week has been fraught with feelings of " when when when will this end.  Will it ever really end. 24 months for me, seems like the next goal post to focus on .  If I cross the finish line sooner I will be shouting from the rooftops. 24 months seems like kinda of a sure shot , taking from the success stories and the Canadian addiction specialist's summary.  An end in sight kind of flagstone..Hoping....and pretty much believing as I sit here swirling in anxiety and health fear.  ...coop

 

Coop, if you liked his 2yr/2mo success story, you'll love his most recent update

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=105994.msg1366098#msg1366098

 

Love ya girl

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Thanks Mrs.....that is so helpful. I thought my wave was lifting...in fact I had a 2 hour window of effortless mind..a cozy happy little nap....followed by a total panic...just a momentary one, but the whole 'I am dying in this minute' ..it passed within seconds leaving me revved with anxiety. I developed scalp or nerve/muscle spasms in my temple and it has me totally off the rails. I did sleep so much better last night and really thought this wave was over...sigh....well, that was a rant...didn't mean for it to be. The only thing I can think is that I took 10 mg of drammamine for some swaying motion sensation ...the panic could be from the drammamine shutting off...am trying not to repeat the drammamine as I have been ok without it for weeks...

....Mathew and Maggie 6117 both talk about rather abrupt healing between months 18/24.  Hope so. I am having moments/hours of complete acute sx...I know it will pass.

...Thanks Mrs..  You must be doing great . We haven't seen you on this board for a few days.. I hope you are doing great. ...sending you good thoughts for healing....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... I have been in and out of stuff all day ... doing that rapid cycling thing again ... and after a really good sleep last night ... this sure doesn't make any sense sometimes ...

 

Just trying to stay out of the rabbit hole ... hope tomorrow is a better day for all of us ...

 

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova,...boy you and me...yes the rapid cycle .. can go from mid acute to 100% healing in the same hour. ...A new sx for me.  scalp or muscle spasms or zaps all day long. Trying like crazy to rein in my overly imaginitive benzo mind. Very much wanting my rational mind back . Distracting with the Super Bowl ...I never watch football...I don't like foit ball but my state has a team in it today.  Seahawks...don't even really know what I am seeing. Reading as many success stories as my mind will hold....Nova , you are so supportive of all of us.  What would we ever do without you here. It's tough...and you are right.  What to do.  keep putting one foot in front of the other....until we get there. ...Wishing you good sleep and an effortless mind day tomorrow.  coop

[[He...]]

Hi Coop ... I have been in and out of stuff all day ... doing that rapid cycling thing again ... and after a really good sleep last night ... this sure doesn't make any sense sometimes ...

 

Just trying to stay out of the rabbit hole ... hope tomorrow is a better day for all of us ...

 

 

Count me in with the rapid cycling today. It's not too bad, just uncomfortable, but I hate it so badly!! I'm fine, then dying, I'm fine, then dying. Lol! Just lots of squeezing in my torso and head. Blah!

 

Definitely doesn't make sense. 

[[No...]]

Coop ... hard stuff for us today ... maybe the rapid cycling means that there is not enough energy to maintain a steady state of lousy ... maybe this stuff is running out of energy ...

 

Wishful thinking I know ... and grabbing at straws ...

 

I have been at this for three and half years ... and I am just feeling tired and down today ... and I could not get outside because of the wind and deep cold here today ...

 

Hoping this doesn't turn into a long night ...

 

And ... better days are coming ...

[[No...]]

HH ... yep ... I am fine then dying ... and the zaps in my shoulders and neck and shoulder joints ... very unsettling ... and yes, very uncomfortable ... and pushes on my health fear button ...

 

Hope this stuff settles down for us tonight ...

[[He...]]

Nova,

I love your idea about it losing steam! I'll buy that for a dollar.

 

Coop,

Watching the Super Bowl, too. Gooooo 'Hawks!!!

[[Co...]]

HH,...bless your heart for that post. I am so sorry you are going through this too. I can't remember being this anxious since month 6. .You and Nova and me and any one of us feeling acute past 12 months...we are all going to get over this crap and find our way out of the rabbit hole, the fox hole and dark places of our own minds. ...So glad for this thread tonight. ...Hold on HH, it doesn't feel like it, but we have come so far and closer every day. ...I think I have read every success story except the achieved ones..lol. ..Nearly every single one says they healed between 18 and 24 months. ...Thinking of you HH and wishing you a Feb. that is all about windows effortless mind days and healing.  Love to you.  coop

[[He...]]

Love to you, Coop. I'm so sorry you are so anxious tonight. Big hugs!! I really think this spring will be hugely significant for us all with our healing. All we have to do is make it through.

 

I'm thankful for this thread tonight too. 

[[Co...]]

Nova, the zaps.  You are getting them in your neck and shoulders, I am getting them along my head muscles. Mine are rhythmic and frequent...driving me nuts. We are having the same sx...has to be w/d....but my health fears are running off the rails too. ...I know the health fears are the Benzo crazies screaming lies to me....Thank you for saying that you are dying and reviving today too....You are so zen...I am feeling bat crazy.  Give it 10 minutes and I will have some moments of okayness....gonna be a looong night....and hopefully a better tomorrow without head squeezing. Sheesh!  You would think at 17 months for you and beginning 15 months for me that we would be allowed to skip over one or two sx that we havent had.  Nope, gotta get checked off on every single one. 

[[Co...]]

HH, yep.  This has to be the last tough wave...can't wait for Spring.  Rest well HH.....coop

[[He...]]

Do you guys ever get the squeezes? I don't even know how to describe it really, but I guess it feels like all the air around my torso is being compressed in.

 

 

[[No...]]

HH ... don't think I have ever felt that ... the squeezes ... only thing close is feeling short of breath when I am breathing okay ... but that pressure seems to be coming from within ... the sense of muscle contraction that isn't really happening ...

[[Co...]]

Hi HH, so glad you are on tonight .. although I wish you were not having sx.  Yes, I get that in my side ribs. A hot pack on your chest might help. When I get them I wrap a couple of hot small rolled towels in a longer rolled towel and wrap it around my entire rib cage ...use the ' tails' of the outer towel to adjust the positioning  of the pack. ...it will help relax your torso.

.....Man, I hope we have better days tomorrow. . .coop

[[Co...]]

Nova, you describe perfectly what my head spasms feel like...contractions.....

.....have mercy!!....this has to end for us...

[[Co...]]

Well buddies, ...my anxiety is acute level....pretty sure I won't be sleeping tonight.  So if anyone is up and needing to talk tonight .  I am up too....coop

[[He...]]

I'm so sorry, Coop! God, this is so hard. I've got some health fear raising due to my ribs and upper torso being tight and hurting. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It comes with making me feeling teary.

 

Thanks for the hot towel tip.

[[No...]]

Coop ... I am going to be hanging around for a while ... things are not settling down for me ...

[[Co...]]

Nova, you are such a good friend. ...Is it the body zaps and health fears that won't take a hint and go home? .  I am really sorry that you are being hit this way. 3 1/2 years is located g enough. I started my taper in June of 2013.. jumped in Dec of 2014.  I was probably in tolerance w/d for 9 months before I started my taper.  I don't think I have had any real peace in much of any of that time...although I realize that my mental attitude is pretty trashed tonight. ...I finally caved and took a crumb.  half of 6 mg of my atenolol.  I realize that I am making things worse because I keep letting my fear run off the rails. I have not failed at distraction for some time.  Tonight, lost in near panic. .. Nova..  we are bound to be tired. This takes huge every day effort. I haven't had head squeezes before so my fall back of telling myself that I have had this before and all was well is not working so great tonight. In the few seconds that I am rational I pretty much know the head spasms are nerve related and others have had them....and it is ALL benzo w/d. 

    Are your health fears off the rails?.  Do they go away when the sx take a break?.  Does hereal tea help, or has it passed that gate?  So sorry Nova.  Nothing should be this hard.  ..

 

[[No...]]

Coop and HH ... I tried to settle down a while ago ... and the vibrations and jitters came on very strong ... so I am up for a while ... 11:30 PM here ...

 

I am feeling very tired and nervous ... I guess I can call that anxiety ... health fears have been circling like vultures all day ... I have used several pots of tea today .. and they don't seem to have much effect anymore ...

 

Stomach has been acting up all day ... and the nerve zaps in arms and neck and upper chest ... not constant ... just surprising and scary when they hit intermittently out of the blue ...

 

 

[[Co...]]

HH, ..yes...it all makes me weep sometimes too...this is the worst since month 6...so it made me cry too. I don't know if there is a sx we haven't had so you would think it would all be old hat...but when I get sx related anxiety it's as scary as the first time they showed up.  I hope your torso squeezes let up enough to allow you to sleep ....thinking of you HH...

[[He...]]

I wonder where the fear comes from? I used to be able to have pain and/or sickness without the fear.