12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... for me there is boring and there is simple ... and yes we do need "engaging" in our life ... maybe in a while we can slip from boring/simple to engaging/simple ...

 

After our medium blizzard we are now getting freezing rain ... going to be a fun day in Halifax tomorrow morning ... unless it warms up more ...

 

I had a pretty lousy day ... and I am okay ... lots of stomach stuff and reflux off and on ... just damn annoying ... oh well ... someday soon ...

 

[[fl...]]

Nova, thank you for the suggestions.

 

Sky, I am off 14 months, so a little behind you I guess.  I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with this, too?  Was this something you dealt with before benzos?

 

Coop, your words are reassuring.  Thank you, friend.

[[He...]]

How is it possible to have equal parts 'give up' and 'fight' sounding off in my brain? Even with the clear improvement I've seen, I just don't want to do this anymore. I imagine this is how small children feel when they don't want to go to school, the doctor, etc. And they throw themselves on the floor and won't budge. I just don't wanna. I am tired and tired of my brain telling me stories I don't want to hear.

The 'fight' part must be at 51% because for some reason I'm still going.

 

Sasquach,

I'm glad you're coming out of the wave. Take it easy with the snow.

 

Coop

I'm really not as brave as you think. I just can't spend lots of time alone, so work is the alternative since no one is going to come to my house and keep me company for the next 12 months or however long this takes…. I have been avoiding the dentist since January 2014. I have an appointment next month to check out some tooth pain. And nooooooo overnight with kindergarteners, they were third graders. A whole different ballgame, or plane - as we say in the biz.

You sound really good, overall. Hurray for your strong baseline!

 

HH -

Good luck at the dentist. How great that your dentist is a friend. It will be good to get your tooth looked at and get some ideas for what's next.

 

Hope everyone has a better day than yesterday!

Peace2

 

Hi Peace,

My dentist appt turned out better than I could even imagine!  Turns out my tooth/gum pain is because I had an irritation due to something getting stuck between my teeth, it caused a patch of what he called "acute gingivitis".  All I have to do is use a prescription mouthwash for a week, twice a day, and floss more than usual to make sure that nothing is in the space between that tooth and its neighbor. 

And here I was worrying about needing a root canal or having a dangerous abscess.  

 

I'm sorry to read that you are still in the thick of it.  It gets SO DAMN TOUGH to get through this day in and day out.  Keep that fight.  We will all heal.  It's just hard getting through it.

 

(((hugs)))

[[...]]

That's great news HH!! Happy to hear it's simple!

 

Love reading the posts! Nice to know others relate, even when it feels like you are going nuts cause it's gone on so long!

 

[[ga...]]

floc...I know we have discussed this in the past.  Very similar thoughts to yours...especially early in the morning.  I do have a counselor I work with and it does help while there.  I realize these thoughts I create in my mind are irrational.  Of course we all will die and so will friends and family members.  To project into the future as to how this will all come about is just plain crazy.  WE CANNOT PREDICT the future!  I am told this constantly by my wife and my counselor.  I am making myself miserable worrying about this stuff.  I wish it was just so easy to stop.  Drive myself nuts and interferes with my sleep;

 

I know what you are dealing with and if we could just brainstorm and find a solution it sure would be wonderful.  Is it benzo related???  Who the heck knows?  I would really like to think so and that maybe in time it will get better.  Best  to you.....you are not alone in this.

[[dr...]]

Hi all...just popping by.  Lots going on here as we all seem to have our own specific demons that benzos amplify whether it was pre existing or not.  Mine is health anxiety. 

 

I've been doing okay. Just passing the days.  I jogged two miles and averaged ten min per mile. I feel extra tired from it but glad I did it.  I've decided I will really push on the exercise front once a week and do less strenuous exercise the other days. 

 

I feel myself improving but know I'm just a symptom away from my health anxiety . I've stopped watching ant commercial for drugs as I'm very suggestible to this crap.  So stupid. i'm almost nine months out and can tell my baseline is much higher after the last wave that ended two weeks ago.  I'd love to just slowly improve until I'm healed from here but I know that's not how this works 

 

I also wanted to mention I have some feelings of guilt about not being here as much when I'm not in a wave.  I feel I should give back to all who need help but when I'm well I feel the board drags me down. Hard to explain but know I really care for you all

[[fl...]]

Thanks, Garton, friend.  It helps to not feel alone in this.  I hope it eases for you soon, too.

[[pe...]]

HH - that's a great dental outcome. If only all of our ailments could be so simple to fix!

 

Nova- I'm sorry you're having a rough one. Hope tomorrow is infinitely better!

 

Sky- hope you sleep well. I appreciate your encouragement and willingness to let me write down my woes. Hope tomorrow is better for you too.

 

Floc and Garton- my brain is hijacked with dark and existential thinking. It's beyond anything my brain did before benzos. My guess is it will petter out for all of us. It's just a matter of when.

 

Tomorrows Wednesday - half way through the work week for me. This week has been crap compared to last, afraid it's going to be a battle for the next couple as I'm guessing my hormones are shifting.  I gave my husband quite the verbal smack down this evening. But sometimes I think it's 'justified.' (Not exactly). But I do want him to DO something about this - find a book, write a letter, find a resource.... Or is it enough that he just puts up with me?

 

Harrumph

Peace2

[[fl...]]

Thanks, Peace.  That helps. 

[[je...]]

Hi buddies,

I took a break yesterday from BB so there are lots of posts to catch up on. I feel that I'm just not present enough with my family lately, I'm just too distracted with w/d and thinking about sx . I needed a break... I'm still not doing well, the back of my brain feels like there is pressure in it and there is this wierd tingly feeling that is worrying me. My breathing is bad again.... Ya all know the drill, I feel like crap. Sorry to hear some of you are having a rough time as well. Coop, love the picture! Hope you feel better! Floc- everything your saying sounds like w/d, it will go away.. Your doing great, so happy for you! Jenny

[[Co...]]

Drew, As you can see...you are in good company here tonight with the health fear, existential , looping dark thoughts darkness. ...I thought I was leaving it, but back it came. As you say, " only one sx away from constant health fear".  Right there with you. I was beginning to emerge from a 2 day depression wave when I got a but of dizziness that escalated into a panic and left the door wide open for a long day of health fear today. I get cog fogged with it. .I know this will go away because it did go away. Now that it's back for a visit I amwanting to lie down on the floor with Peace and not budge. .  I really didn't expect to have a wave like this at 14.5 months but here it is...until it lets up.

.....Do not feel guilty about getting breaks from the board. We all take days away from it. It seems that there is a natural flow here. When one or two are off for a time someone else jumps on and holds the fort. I am often off when I am in a window because I just don't want to give a moment of my good days to any thought of benzos. You are suporting and encouraging us any time that you post to us.

....I hope your intrusive health fears leave soon and stop by to take mine along with them. I agree with Peace ...I think the health fears and intrusive existential dark thoughts are sx...not our real thoughts....I could never come up with half the crap that benzo brews up....Wishing you an effortless day tomorrow....coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Jenny...good to see you here tonight ...wish you were feeling better. Having said that it was reassuring to me to know that I am not alone in getting a re-visit of head pressure..Mine had been gone for weeks...now it's back with cog fog, boatyness, fear/panic and health fear...but ...my body pain has let up considerably. ...This just stinks. I am tired of telling myself over and over that it will let up in time..I know it will, but I want it to not just let up I want it to be gone...gone never to come back. ...Head sx ( pressure, dizziness, random sort of pain like sensation and neck spasms) trigger my anxiety and health fear like nothing else .

.....Jenny, I am so sorry you are feeling like crap .. several of us here tonight complaining of health fears so it has to be w/d...I hope tomorrow brings relief and sunbreaks for all of us...feel better friend....coop

[[Co...]]

Buddies, ...I just want to say thank you...so much to everyone who felt sick and scared and tired tonight and came on and posted anyway. . . I had a bad day today and am going to bed feeling encouraged again because of your posts.  I could not do this every single day.....still ...without your company.

  ....Wishing every single one of you an effortless mind day tomorrow.. .coop

[[Sk...]]

Nova, thank you for the inspiration of the morning...yes, expect goodness...and yes, a labyrinth is a much more hopeful path than a maze....You sound better today....must be all the healthy cooking. Like you, I putter putter to stay distracred. I ' cook'  kind of and clean clean clean and take the dog out ...and out ...and out ....and out . It usually works unless I am in a deep wave. At least I have a clean house and a happy dog.. but a pretty boring life. Glad you didn't get the front side of the clipper. ...It is uncharacteristically spring like in my city. I am feeling the pull towards getting back into the world ( as much as an introvert can feel pulled to jump in).

..  ..Thank you Nova for staying on the thread with us. Your words are so inspiring .....coop

 

Coop, thinking about your happy dog brings a big smile on my face !! You are so lucky to have each other.

 

Boring, I hear you. But in our state, boring could be good. If I hadn't stuck to a boring lifestyle, my brain could not have found order in all of that chaos, or could my body have begun to heal

 

That's why, at my mom's, all that unexpected side to life, really almost did me in !

 

Sending  healing thoughts to you all, feels odd to be so few of us now on this thread.

[[...]]

Hi all...just popping by.  Lots going on here as we all seem to have our own specific demons that benzos amplify whether it was pre existing or not.  Mine is health anxiety. 

 

I've been doing okay. Just passing the days.  I jogged two miles and averaged ten min per mile. I feel extra tired from it but glad I did it.  I've decided I will really push on the exercise front once a week and do less strenuous exercise the other days. 

 

I feel myself improving but know I'm just a symptom away from my health anxiety . I've stopped watching ant commercial for drugs as I'm very suggestible to this crap.  So stupid. i'm almost nine months out and can tell my baseline is much higher after the last wave that ended two weeks ago.  I'd love to just slowly improve until I'm healed from here but I know that's not how this works 

 

I also wanted to mention I have some feelings of guilt about not being here as much when I'm not in a wave.  I feel I should give back to all who need help but when I'm well I feel the board drags me down. Hard to explain but know I really care for you all

 

 

Drew, I feel exactly the same! I think we have to take a break from the boards when we are well! I think it's fine to just pop by for encouragement when we are feeling well, just to let others know we are getting well and that they will to!

 

You sound good and I love hearing it!

 

Be well!

 

[[Sk...]]

GMIT, and how are you today?

 

HERe it's a beautiful sunny day, a pity I have to work a lot and I already feel tired, I haven't even begun !

 

It must be a "tired" day !

[[...]]

Jenny and Coop, I hope you are both feeling better!

 

Sky, I am feeling ok! Just a overcast of the blahs! How are you feeling?

 

Flow and Garton, boy, if I could stop "thinking about the future" so darn much I would be so much better off! That's my biggest issue as I thought I had everything "planned" out so nicely, then BOOM! This mess took over! Now I feel so lost about where everything is going!

 

Peace, I pray you are feeling better!

 

[[Sk...]]

THinking about the future is the worst part, we only see horror and destruction !

 

THe blahs too are something, but there is worse. I am ok, just very very tired, and my day has barely begun and I have a difficult lesson in an hour !

 

 

 

[[...]]

You know, I'm also on the "Jumping Buddies" board, have been for a long time, and when new people come on, I feel so horrible for them! I am SO VERY THANKFUL to be SO much better, but these "little things", like my blahs or your being tired, are also very difficult to deal with!

 

[[Co...]]

Sky, thank  you. I agree..  boring is so much better than chaos.  I just want my life back now. ...This morning feels like my wave is trying to lift so my perspective may improve. Yes, there does seem to be fewer people . I always get a little paniced thinking that my BB friends will all heal ahead of me and leave the forum ( and I would be so happy for them) ...I truly do not know what I would do without the people here.

... Sky, we are improving and we have come the longest part of our travel. One day at a time....that is the best we can do. Wishing you a happy day......coop

[[No...]]

I have been in a very intense place for a couple of days now ... not utterly constant ... more like someone is playing with the thermostat ... up and down ...

 

Stomach stuff and lots of reflux ... and variegated head pressure ...

 

Feels like I am being "cooked" again ... yesterday felt miserable all day ... and got really intense when I tried to fall asleep ... guess I was masking the intensity during the day ... when I relaxed I felt it all ... eventually sort of fell asleep for a while ...

 

Today treated my misery to a long, long shower ... showed it how to make a loaf of bread ... and took it for a walk ... and now siting here with it ... it will pass when it is ready ... for now, go slow ... chop a little wood, carry a little water ... weather another batch of healing ...

 

I am okay ... we are all okay ... some days just feel more okay than others ...

 

I am reading the posts and holding your stories ... this head pressure is messing with my focus and thinking right now ...

 

Take care ...

 

[[Co...]]

Nova, thinking of you...Wishing you were feeling better friend. You sound " simple/engaged" today, with baking bread and walking. Sorry to hear that you have head pressure, do you get cog fogged with it too?  .Better days are coming to us. On my way to take the dog out.. Grey and wet here this morning ..a good day to try a couple new recipes and work on framing some photos.  One day closer. Yep, chop wood....carry water.  Love to you Nova.    coop

 

[[No...]]

Coop ... yep ... chop wood, carry water ...

 

The day after our medium blizzard ... damp and a little messy ... and pleasant ...

 

Got my chicken stew going for tonight ...

 

With my version of head pressure ... to much thinking and too much focusing oftentimes seems to ramp it up ... so ... I just stop for a while and let it settle back to where it wants to be ... making a roux and getting a stew going is a useful and productive distraction ... except every once in a while I have to stop whisking and let the kitchen settle back down ... replant my feet and carry on ...

 

Hope your day is quiet ...

 

[[No...]]

Jenny ... don't know if this is useful or not ... I have found that my head pressure seems to start below my shoulder blades and gradually creep up the back of my neck, across the top of my skull and onto my forehead ...

 

I can often get a little temporary relief by pulling my ear lobes, gently, down .. and/or ... with my palms on my forehead, run my palms over the top of my head and down behind my ears with my thumbs pointing down ... then ... with my fingers, sort of drag them gently down to the back of my neck and pull them forward under my chin, until they end up in front of my mouth in the prayer mudra ...

 

I repeat as much as I feel comfortable ... often seems to lower the intensity ... doesn't fix it ... my head pressure has a mind of its own and is doing whatever it needs to do in the moment ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ...

 

[[Co...]]

Nova, chicken stew...yum. Yes, those chickens can get a little fiesty ...they don't really want to jump into that stew.  Lol.

...yep, my head pressure originates in my neck and shoulders too...going to try your acupressure trick...carry on Nova with the very good cooking...you really should write a healing cookbook....hoping we all see improvements in our day today....coop