12-18 month support

[[pe...]]

A promising week with manageable symptoms, followed by a wave of nausea, head pressure, tingling and possibly the worst nightmares I've ever had.

 

:'(

[[No...]]

Peace ... I am sorry you are feeling this downhill stuff ... it is so discouraging this far out ... and ... we know we are on the right path ... it just would be nice if there were fewer bumps along the way ...

 

I keep telling myself ... no matter what, I am doing okay ... it may just not feel like in the moment ...

 

I, too, have been messed up for a few days now ... things slacken off for a while and then ramp up again ... tiresome ... and every time they slacken off for a while I am thankful ...

 

We are doing okay, my friend ... we just have to stay with this and things will be okay some day ... and surely sooner rather than later ...

 

[[Sk...]]

Peace, so sorry about the nightmares !

 

That really does get better in time. I used to shriek in my sleep and mr Sky would jump out of his skin!

 

GMIT, moving is so  huge, it makes me sick and uneasy,  even when I am well. but a one month window, wow that sounds like a thing of beauty !

 

I am afraid no bike ride for me,too much preparing for me, and I am so slow at doing it. Got to get back to work now.

[[No...]]

Sas ... sounds like a good rhythm you have during your pacing ... focusing on something outside of your body ... good work, my friend ...

 

[[He...]]

Good morning to all!

It's 8:00 and I'm already 2 hours in to a road trip, heading to a volleyball tournament. Oh, the life of a sports mom. 

 

My window is still holding open to various degrees. Yesterday started a bit dicey, but turned out really good. The big dinner/dance party we threw for the middle school was a huge success. There were a few potential crises, but I handled them calmly. I spent the evening with 60+ dancing middle schoolers, loud music, and flashing lights....and it was good!  Last month, in the middle of that mega-wave, I would not have been able to do that. And, at last year's event, which I didn't even organize, I was so full of anxiety that I walked to the school in the freezing cold and I was jumping out of my skin so bad I couldn't stay more than a few minutes. What a difference!

 

Wishing you all a day of contentment. We ARE healing....even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment. We CAN do this!

[[No...]]

HH ... good news ...  :thumbsup:

[[No...]]

Quiet here this afternoon and evening ... I sure hope that means Folks are have a good day ...

 

[[pe...]]

Hi Nova,

It's Ground Hogs Day for me. Blah. I posted this on the main withdrawal thread:

 

I have seen a fair bit of improvement but I am left with this intermittent creepy feeling. It is gloomy and dark and accompanied by some intrusive thoughts. Ugh. It's awful. It doesn't feel like the regular anxiety I've come to know, nor does it feel like depression. It's just sticky and uncomfortable and leaves me feeling like a crazy scary person. People write about their fears, what if the thing you're afraid of is yourself?

 

Yikes. But that's me today.

 

How are you? How's your book coming along? 

 

I sure hope their absence means Coop, Green and the rest are having fantastic days!

 

[[No...]]

Hi Peace ... I have been muddling along for several days with my usual head stuff ... and the muscle spams ... and the skin crawlies ... all the usual thingies ...

 

I wasn't aware I was doing a book ... have had it suggested to me ... I post a few things over on the Chop Wood, Carry Water blog when I can string some coherent thoughts together ...

 

Sorry, I don't read the main withdrawal thread very often ...

 

The fear thing ... yes ... the many yesterday fears, the right now today fear, and the fear of tomorrow ... and fear of self ... what have I done to myself ... what has this stuff done to me ... and ... when I am in a clear space ... none of the fears are present ... for me, I suspect most of this fear stuff is just another side effect of this process ... and ... in the moment they can be very daunting and scary ...

 

Seems to me, when I am in a dark, creepy space ... most everything is dark and creepy ... when someone turns on the light I am amazed at how powerful the dark and creepy stuff felt ... and ... how quickly it changes ... I am not saying the dark, creepy stuff isn't real ... only that it is transitory ... as with any feelings or sensations ...

 

Hope this helps a bit ...

 

[[dr...]]

Hi all...been having a super busy week...I performed  my live theater thurday, had gf's work party w 500 people Friday night, hiked 3 miles yesterday, took gf out for bday Sat night, rehearsal for three hours this morning, and spent three more hours shopping this afternoon.  Lastly, I have another birthday dinner I have to attend tonight.    Through it all I had very few symptons or anxiety/panics that lasted more than 20 minutes.  I would get a pain in my chest and my panic would start but each time I said "I'm fine...it's withdrawal and nothing more".  I was able to avoid the second fear and let the uncomfortable feelings and thoughts pass.  Haven't been here much as when I feel manageable as I don't want to be here because I'm so sick of this recovery being front and center.  Hope you all understand. 

[[...]]

Drew, I definitely understand! When I feel really well i need to step away from the withdrawal stuff! I need the break!

 

So strange to think how much time we each have invested in BB and each other! I'm so thankful for everyone and BB!

 

Praying everyone heals soon! The sadness I feel for everyone for the long suffering is deep!

 

[[be...]]

Lol, I wasn't through typing my post and it came out I won. I didn't even hit the post button.

Anyway, I was going to say I wonder how many people out there are in benzodiazepine withdrawal and don't know it....it's scary.

Hope you feel better Jenny.

Hugs.

 

Beulah, when i read your post ending with " I won " I thought you meant I won against benzos which of course you di !! 

 

Yes Sky, I did win!!! We are all winners in this benzo war.

 

 

Mrs, I hope you get to enjoy your niece and the outing ! I know all about those thoughts, I have them on my loved ones constantly !

[[No...]]

Good Morning, Folks ...

 

Well ... my veil of "yuk" started lifting late Sunday afternoon ... and by mid-evening I was driving my wife to distraction, again ... six hours of deep sleep and "walla" ... a chipper early Monday morning ...

 

Now, if I can only find the "hooks" to fasten this veil permanently open ... oh well ... I am thankful for the little blessings while I wait for the big one ...

 

Have a good Monday ...

 

[[...]]

So happy to hear you're  feeling better! Love hearing that!

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... ah ... you are up early ... hope all is well for you ...

 

[[...]]

Yeah, not sleeping good thinking about the house purchase! Thinking about all that has happened, and pondering the future!

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... ah ... you know the drill ... one day at a time ... and I hear some confusion and uncertainty ... you handled all the stress of healing so well ... coming into this next phase will be alright ... just a little stress getting there ...

 

If you fish this time of year, perhaps a "scheduled" time-out would be helpful ... there is always enough time ...

 

Whenever I start feeling there is not enough time I add another clock to the shelf ... then I have twice as much ... 

[[...]]

I'm questioning so many things! Feels like I've messed up so many things! It's made me overly cautious!

 

I'm so tired of this!

 

[[No...]]

GMIT ... they say coming out of this process being overly cautious is common ... and questioning things ... maybe a little like the aftermath of a storm ... the surprise and the doubt that has been present for quite a while should dissipate in time ...

 

We have been bounced around quite a bit ... maybe a little bruised ...

 

And moving homes is a big deal for everyone ... and we may be more sensitive to stress than previously ...

 

Be kind to yourself ... breathe ... all the good stuff you know how to do ...

 

[[Sk...]]

I'm questioning so many things! Feels like I've messed up so many things! It's made me overly cautious!

 

I'm so tired of this!

 

 

 

GMIT, me too. And in a way, I did, the whole time in tolerance I was making very bad choices, and I made mr Sky suffer in the process, and that is unforgivable.

 

And it is also a benzo though, not being able to see one good thing in our lives. But then, I looked at some pics and, lo and behold, there were a couple of nice things happening there.

 

About the sale of your house, it's clearly a big deal. Mr Sky and I, are only talking about selling our house, we had 2 people over yesterday to have a look, and only that, is making me a little sick  !!

 

I don't know how you are doing it, but you do seem to have a positive attitude, so you will handle it well, I am sure of that. Now when was the last time I was sure of anything at all ? 

 

Everybody, tired of these mood swings but at least the pains are under control, I feel a little blessed in that. 

 

Drew, you are doing amazing things.

 

Sunny day here, hope it stays that way !

[[...]]

Sky, so sorry you feel the same! It's terrible!

 

We are actually renting now and looking to buy!

 

[[Sk...]]

GMIT, at Christmas I went to visit my mother, all I did was go from one house I  am familiar with to another one I practically grew up in, yet I felt so sick and lost, and it took me a while to adapt again.

 

Are you doing the actual house hunting  ?

 

 

[[...]]

Yes! It's terrible! I just want it over!

 

[[Co...]]

Hi buddies, ...jumping back on ....I was off again for a few days...I have been lurking but have been focused on some other distractions and some attempts at normal life. I had a pretry decent week with a reliable baseline of 85-90% with a few windows and some sunbreaks.  And then bam!.. I knew things were going backwards yesterday with some circling fear that I haven't had in awhile ( came on abruptly on the heels of a very nice sunbreak.. like Peace and Nova said, " on a dime"). I was holding my own with ignoring it but I could feel the shift back to acute.  depression, fear and anxiety, health fears and intrusive thoughts...today a panic set off by dizziness...the whole panic.  dissociation, dizziness, pounding heart, d/r, thinking that I am dying on the spot.  It only lasted 15-20 minutes, but that entire time I thought .. " this is it"... I have been here hundreds of times and every time I am sure that I am dying...today I am losing my faith in the process ...almost 15 months and still having panics?....

.....I am seeing similar in the posts over last week. Nova is on the escalator of w/d. Peace is having that wierd intrusive dread ..  Drew is still going gang busters...GMT is having a rough road, Green is pushing through lingering sx..  Jenny is riding a wave of head pressure and intrusive fear.... We are all early to midway into the second year.. worn out by the long up and down...I am like Nova, up and down.. up and down that doesn't seem to go anywhere. I feel like I am living in an Escher print. ..Up staircases that lead to down staircases that lead to up staircases that lead to nowhere. Just a maze of ups and downs.  Sorry for the whine. I know that more than likey I will be seeing at least some sunbreaks  in the next day or two, but I , like everyone else am sick of this and sick of living with lingering sx and sometimes sx that feel just like acute...whine whine whine..

.....I read and read the success stories .even the ones from 3/4 years ago. They all say they were done between 18-36 months off.. most by far in the 18-24 months. Today I am trying to hold onto that .

....I am thinking of all of you, knowing g that through the week our posts are going to start looking good again. The up and down and all around will wind it's way back to up again ....and  one of these days the escalator will lead us to the floor that we want off on..  Wishing every single one of you sunbreaks today....love, coop

[[Sk...]]

Coop, a Escher print it is.

 

I hadn't thought of it, but you are right. Unfortunately, I am  having a bad time too, my period is coming so it's to be expected. I too lose faith, but, a couple of days ago, I was thinking " face it, you are protracted ", and then, I read dr Jennifer's post and I realized that protracted is another thing entirely, and somehow that cheered me up.

 

I will not last forever, my benzo brain will find a way to eat through that.

 

I don't really read the success stories, they don't always encourage me, but maybe because I look for them, when I am in a bad place and nothing can help me.

 

Coop, waiting for the sunbreaks. I am  so tired, I struggle even in the simplest things, my head spins if I try to go away from the thread and in the main forum, so I totally get where you are coming from.

 

Beautiful picture you chose.

 

I am going to bed now, my heart is beating wildly and my vibrations are back after more than a month but it will go away when my period is over. But I really  want to go to bed, and get some more sleep, at least I am getting that !

 

Night folks, see you tomorrow.