12-18 month support

[[Sk...]]

Hi everybody, I hope you are all  sleeping the sleep of the just !

 

I don't know if this is a window, it does not match the  descriptions I have read. I still have the crazy thoughts, still feel drunk but... there is a  positive spin to it and that makes a difference.

I have been thinking about the future in a positive way, a constructive way, not all just death, gloom and decay.

 

It happened yesterday, all day. Today I was thinking I would wake up to the old tune but the positive spin is still there. What has changed ? I have been taking liver cod oil for two days now, so it might be that ?

Even if it isn't, I am sticking with it, the side effects are so healthy, my body needs all that  healthy stuff !!

 

I know the positive spin will go away. If it does please remind me of this.

 

Peace, I read your post.

 

Sometimes you have to compare yourself to other buddies to do yourself justice. Sometimes you should not.

I teach online, and luckily it is only part time for now. I could not do more than that this is already so much, sometimes too much.

 

You have worked full time in days in which I could barely spell my name. Still are still hard for me now, and you went on the whole time. I can't teach grammar, my brain is mush, no amount of preparing can compensate that. Luckily I have been capable of planning around that but it has not been easy. Luckily, I have many talents with which  I managed to  compensate.

 

I tell you this, not to complain, but to highlight how much you have been able to do despite everything. You teach children, who are a hard audience ! Kids smell things a mile away, it's hard to actually lie to a child about some things. I know, I used to teach kids, they have incredible instincts.

 

Sorry for the lecture, but sometimes we do have to be reminded about how much we actually have done, and we are not the best judges of it. From the outside things are more obvious.

 

Btw, I would  pay to be boring these days !!! 

 

[[He...]]

I'm sure not sleeping good tonight, hoping the rest of you are faring better. I keep waking up every hour or two and I have lots of uncomfortable feelings around my rib cage: pressure, nerve pain, "electric-like" feelings. And, like most bad nights, the fear and depression are making their presence known.

 

Ugh.

 

This is disappointing because yesterday was so great. Praying this won't stay around!

[[sa...]]

Still in a bad wave. Ringing, nausea and vomiting this morning. Fear and anxiety are terrible. My only hope is that when this is done, I will have a huge improvement in baseline and maybe more windows. The last time I had a wave like this things got much much better to the point that I didn't think I would get these bad waves anymore. No windows since November when I had 5 of them. God they feel so good when you can get them.  Hopefully more coming soon.

 

I have no energy. I'm curious how the fatigue is with other buddies out there. The snow is falling and I had to brush off the cars and move them so the plow could get in the yard. It took everything I have to get that done. So exhausted from such a small thing. I remember back in month 6 I couldn't even mow the lawn. I would try to get the energy all day, but just couldn't do it. Strange don't you thinks? I guess that's what people with chronic fatigue deal with.

 

Today will be about trying to get calories in me. I'll try some ensure and hopefully real food later in the day. I'm so tire of this beat down. But what can you do. We have not choice but to keep going and battle through this hideous withdrawal.

 

 

[[je...]]

Sky-- great news! Very happy to hear about these improvements

 

Hi sasquach-- I think you will feel a jump in baseline after this wave your in passes, It usually happens that way. Ahhh, the fatigue yes I've been dealing with this all week and its very bad. I have to force myself to do the simplest thing, no motivation or energy. I have heard of some other buddies dealing with this too, I think fj was one of them.. Anyhow, I can't wait for this to pass, its very tough feeling exhausted all the time. Feel better, Jenny

[[sa...]]

Jenny,

 

I found what can help me is to schedule small things to do every hour or so in a planner. That forces me to do something. Otherwise I drift through the day getting nothing accomplished. I also pace a lot for some reason when I'm like that. I don't know why I do that, I guess it's relaxing or something. I don't do that when I'm feeling well.

 

On a bright note, I started sleeping good this month. All of a sudden I can just go to bed and not wake up until the morning. I had been waking up a bunch of times and also had to go to the bathroom a lot, but no more. I guess all the bathroom trips were part of this as well. I thought is was just because I was 45 

[[...]]

Hi All! Just reading up on everyone! I like to keep up with all of you as it makes me feel better to know how you're doing!

 

I'm feeling a bit down yesterday and today, but we are house shopping and I'm finding it very stressful! I find it to be another reminder of all that was lost in my benzo downslide!

 

I pray that each of you find relief soon! This lengthy healing is beyond ridiculous!

 

:smitten:

[[pe...]]

Did you all see this from Dezlaz?

 

Hi everyone,

 

I don't post here often as I have been benzo-free for 8.5 years. Lately, I've been talking with a few people who are approximately 12-13 months off the poison. They all question their own recovery, as I did, too. Putting in a full year and not being recovered is depressing. I was there. I know the fear. I worried that I would be in that boat forever and left behind. I read all the old timers stories on Benzo Liberty and Benzo Friends sites. I was not on this group at all until years after I healed when I was requested to help a person with burning vagina....one of my 24/7/365 symptoms since swallowing the first Ativan. I read the stories about how the old timers recovered and I so longingly wanted to be in their boat, but the symptoms were still so horrible at one year off that I was convinced I would be sick and tormented forever.

 

How could I suffer any longer? Time moves like a snail in withdrawal.

 

I was 100% wrong, obviously. My breakthrough was just around the corner. I was stunned that symptom after symptom started dropping off after 16 to 18 months. It didn't happen overnight. But, it did happen. And, your recovery will happen, too. The depression, anxiety, fear, pain, insomnia, nausea, etc...all stops and the body normalizes. Peace returns. No more feeling like a prisoner of war in your own flesh. Just peace and relief from the torture you endured for so long.

 

Just thought I'd remind you all that your miracle is coming. If I can recover, anyone can. and, WILL!

 

Hugs and healing,

Denise

[[sa...]]

Thanks Peace. I really needed to hear this tonight. I do feel like healing could be any month now. There are signs that it can happen and stories like this really give me hope. This wave of mine continues but I have some hope now thanks to that post. Thanks for taking the time to show it to the group.

[[pe...]]

Sasquach -

 

It's too long. I know. We've come so far. A little longer.

 

Peace2

[[Sk...]]

Jenny,

 

I found what can help me is to schedule small things to do every hour or so in a planner. That forces me to do something. Otherwise I drift through the day getting nothing accomplished. I also pace a lot for some reason when I'm like that. I don't know why I do that, I guess it's relaxing or something. I don't do that when I'm feeling well.

 

On a bright note, I started sleeping good this month. All of a sudden I can just go to bed and not wake up until the morning. I had been waking up a bunch of times and also had to go to the bathroom a lot, but no more. I guess all the bathroom trips were part of this as well. I thought is was just because I was 45 

 

Sasquach,  I too pace all the time, it's nuts but maybe it does give us peace in some twisted way. Mr Sky finds it unsettling though, do your loved ones feel awkward about you pacing ?

 

Btw, I think keeping  a  planner of activities is a great idea. I tried to do it too, but then it started being a source of anguish if I did not manage to get things done ! 

[[No...]]

Good Morning, Folks ...

 

Spent yesterday riding the waves ... up and down ... and still riding this morning ... not dreadful ... mostly an annoyance ...

 

And yes ... too long ... hoping for the time when this is over for all of us ...

 

And we keep keeping on ...

 

[[No...]]

Sky ... yes, the pacing ... did a lot of it yesterday ... seems to soothe me somehow ... my wife is used to it and says it does not bother her ...

[[Sk...]]

Nova, your wife sounds like an amazing woman to be around ! 

[[No...]]

Sky ... yes she is ...

 

How are you doing? ... must be getting on towards afternoon where you are ... are you getting out for some walks? ...

[[Sk...]]

Michael, here it's almost 12 pm.

 

I just had a lesson and I have another one tonight at 7 pm. In between, I was hoping to squeeze  in a bike ride, it's such a beautiful day !!

 

I have not biked in over a month , wonder if I have what it takes, never a given in wd, right ?

 

Sorry  to say, but mine was a window and it has shut. My first window, ever. Hopefully, the first of many !

 

But I will be taking my liver cod oil religiously, even if it is yucky, who cares ? I am taking the liquid kind.

[[...]]

Good morning! Peace, thanks for shring that! I appreciate it!

 

Nova, just being stuck in the same place can be difficult! Hope there's improvement soon!

 

Relief to all!

 

[[Sk...]]

Good morning! Peace, thanks for shring that! I appreciate it!

 

Nova, just being stuck in the same place can be difficult! Hope there's improvement soon!

 

Relief to all!

 

 

GMIT, how are you ? Nice to see you ! Yes, you are right, being stuck is very hard !

[[No...]]

Hi GMIT ... thanks for the encouragement ... yep ... sure does feel like stuck or stalled ... hope you are still on the Freedom Road ...

 

[[No...]]

Sky ... it will be the first of many ... hope you get out for a bike ride ... enjoy your weather ... we had a wind and rain storm last evening and through the night ... now the temperature is dropping and the wind is pretty strong ... probably an indoor, pacing, day again ...

 

[[...]]

Feeling a bit down, but trying to stay optimistic! I think I'm just a bit overwhelmed right now with the plans for moving and buying a house!

 

I love reading your posts!

 

[[Sk...]]

Overwhelmed for me is the word of the day, what am I saying, month ! 

[[...]]

I'm sorry Sky! I have had more than a month in a window! This is all very sad! I sure hope you feel better soon!

[[Sk...]]

GMIT, don't be, it's ok, but overwhelmed  really does sum up my feelings in general.

 

But the sun is out, the birds are singing, in wd, a sunny day does wonders for me !

[[No...]]

GMIT ... moving ... a different house ... that is big stuff ... and you will be fine ... it is usually just the in between times that feel overwhelming ...

[[sa...]]

SKy -- My family are used to me pacing around the house. My wife will sometimes pace with me to help me pass the time and to talk to me. I also toss my sons baseball or football while I pace. He's always asking me where I put all of his balls. I'll end up with a dozen of them in the bedroom.  The rest of my family thinks I'm totally mental, but I don't care anymore. When I'm better I'll tell them told you so.

 

GMIT - Wow a month window, that is awesome. You are very close to the end my friend. Soon for you I think. I'll keep the prayers coming.