12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Sue, you are awake ? Sorry to see that ! 

 

 

Yes, still awake!  Lol.  How does it feel to be home?

[[Gr...]]

Peace this is great news! It really is crazy how it can change on a dime.. Ive had a pretty rough week-- Nerve pain from hell, and just a very apathetic/ hopeless mood, and this muscle weakness and joint pain was BAD and is a sx I haven't had since early w/d. Today I can feel everything has lifted a bit so Im hoping by the end of this week I feel better. I forced myself on another hike yesterday and I felt like I was 80 years old- I was huffing and grasping for air and my legs felt like jelly.. I do this hike all the time with no problems, but my mind was in such a bad place yesterday that I was sure I was dying and probably have some serious disease. Today those thoughts are gone.... Really?! Im so glad you guys "get" all of this craziness and I have a place to vent because if I told anyone about any of this they would really think I was nuts.  Hope you all have a great day! Jenny 

 

Jenny, the body pain is ridiculous!

  I cleaned the bathroom, had to get on my knees to get behind the toilet, and I was stunned by how much [i]everything hurts![/i] 

 

Well, Peace is feeling better, on a dime, let's hope that continues.  And hopefully you and HH will see some improvement soon. 

 

everything hurts, everything is so  weak, it's like what happened to my muscles ?

 

Sky, I don't know.  I wish someone could explain it to me.  And some days it's really bad.  Okay, I'm whining.  Enuf.

[[Sk...]]

Sue, you are awake ? Sorry to see that ! 

 

 

Yes, still awake!  Lol.  How does it feel to be home?

 

Weird. NOw, I am projecting all of my anxiety on Mr Sky, who is not enjoying it at all !!

 

THis is the hardest part as far as I am concerned. Our families are tired by now, and we are too.

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Up the down escalator ... yep ... on and on and on ... this constant drip of the background wave tap ... okay ... singing to the choir again ... 

 

15 months out today ... and feel like crap ...

 

What do you do when you live in a shoe? ... buy a boot and call it a high rise ... 

 

I am sick and tired about posting this stuff ... I am grumpy ... very grumpy ...

 

Been saying that for a few weeks now ... I want a refund, and customer service is closed ...

 

And yes, I little validation from the white coat denizens would be nice ... and useless ...

 

Okay, rant #621 is over ...

 

Time for a reality check ... got to make meatballs for tonight ...

 

Have a good Friday, Folks ... I will try as well ...

 

[[He...]]

Good morning,

My window has been holding open to various degrees, and I am so thankful! I have some times when my symptoms flare up, but it hasn't been lasting long or been too extreme. This is a BIG deal for me because I am right in my pms time and that regularly is bad. I'm hoping I can get through the next couple days without hell opening up.

 

My weekend is going to be very busy and stressful, which makes me weary. I simply do not trust my body after the mega-wave I recently came out of. I am so dang tired of feeling sick at random times! Today is grading day, so no students.  This weekend I have to get report cards completed, set up the middle school dinner and dance which is tomorrow night, basketball game for my daughter, clean my house for a sleepover, chaperone said middle school dance, clean up afterward, and go to my younger daughter's out of town volleyball tournament on Sunday (thankfully my husband is going with). Holy  cow! Deep breaths and one thing at a time. Oh yeah, I have a new student joining my class on Monday so I have to get things ready for her.

 

The thing I'm looking forward to the most is simply trusting my body again. That will mean I will be at the place where I have healed to the point that this isn't always in the back of my mind, and random waves of crap don't sweep over me out of the blue, and I can have a busy schedule planned without an element of fear.

 

More good news to report is my heart halter test came back normal and healthy. Yay! Having that done has taken much of my health fears away.

 

I hope you all have a restful weekend. Mine sure won't be, but I think it has the potential of being a lot of fun.

[[He...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Up the down escalator ... yep ... on and on and on ... this constant drip of the background wave tap ... okay ... singing to the choir again ... 

 

15 months out today ... and feel like crap ...

 

What do you do when you live in a shoe? ... buy a boot and call it a high rise ... 

 

I am sick and tired about posting this stuff ... I am grumpy ... very grumpy ...

 

Been saying that for a few weeks now ... I want a refund, and customer service is closed ...

 

And yes, I little validation from the white coat denizens would be nice ... and useless ...

 

Okay, rant #621 is over ...

 

Time for a reality check ... got to make meatballs for tonight ...

 

Have a good Friday, Folks ... I will try as well ...

 

 

Ah, Nova, I am so sorry you are feeling like crap. This just really sucks to an unbelievable degree. Thankfully we are on the backside of this journey.

I'm praying for you right now.

Enjoy those meatballs tonight! Sounds delish! Maybe you should start writing a cookbook....like a healing cookbook, filled with your wisdom and your recipes.

 

[[Wi...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Up the down escalator ... yep ... on and on and on ... this constant drip of the background wave tap ... okay ... singing to the choir again ... 

 

15 months out today ... and feel like crap ...

 

What do you do when you live in a shoe? ... buy a boot and call it a high rise ... 

 

I am sick and tired about posting this stuff ... I am grumpy ... very grumpy ...

 

Been saying that for a few weeks now ... I want a refund, and customer service is closed ...

 

And yes, I little validation from the white coat denizens would be nice ... and useless ...

 

Okay, rant #621 is over ...

 

Time for a reality check ... got to make meatballs for tonight ...

 

Have a good Friday, Folks ... I will try as well ...

 

For what it's worth, even when its sucking rocks for you you are still entertaining.  Hope the meatballs work out

 

Wwwi

[[Aq...]]

Hey 12-18 month people.  I am in my 12th month and wish I was doing better.  Of course, I never thought it would take this long. Despite a nice window over a week ago I am in that really blah phase it seems. Manageable, but not good.  It is almost like I get more depressed after a window, because it always feels like a baseline jump and then when it goes back I get pretty down. 

 

Anyways, I am hoping that the number of posts here vs the 6-12 month thread is a good indication of how much healing takes place this far out.

 

I am just feeling like it's never going to end at this point.  All the benzo lies are telling me the typical stories about how it is going to be like this forever etc...  Doing my best not to listen but I am just tired, ya know?

 

Thank you all for supporting everyone/each other in all of this craziness.

[[No...]]

Aquaval ... many of us migrated a while back from the 6-12 group ...

 

And yes ... many of us are just tired ... and what we manage to do is just go with it ... day after day ... and the feeling of this never ending is all too common ...

 

And yes, the benzo lies ... "this is the real you" ... "what do you expect" ... "you are stuck" ... and on and on and on ... one good remedy for ignoring the lies is making meatballs ... or anything else that takes some time ... and that you enjoy ...

 

Since I retired last October my most fruitful distraction is cooking and finding food ... nothing fancy ... just cooking like it used to be ... it seems to gather up my scattered mind for a while and gives a bit of respite during crappy times ...

 

Take care ... you are very welcome here ...

 

 

[[No...]]

WWWI ... that's my job ... providing mischief and a little light entertainment ...

 

A couple of days ago I was going out for a walk ... went to put on my winter walking boots and the left sole fell off ... rotted through ... and they were only 12 years old ...

 

Just sat there and looked at it .... couldn't get my head around it for a while ... tried to push it back on ... looked at it some more ... and then started laughing ... and then the thought arrived ... "hey old man, at least you have one good boot" ... even sat there and thought how I could manage with one boot for a while ... scattered mind and one good boot ... laughing like a fool ...

 

Called LL Bean ... can't get a new boot(s) until March ... oh well ... as the Buddha says ... "shit happens" ...

 

Hope you are having a quiet day ...

 

[[No...]]

HH ... yep ... that's where I am ... on the "backside" of wherever I am ... trying to scooch around to the front put keep falling off ...

 

Have a good weekend ...

 

[[Sk...]]

Good morning,

My window has been holding open to various degrees, and I am so thankful! I have some times when my symptoms flare up, but it hasn't been lasting long or been too extreme. This is a BIG deal for me because I am right in my pms time and that regularly is bad. I'm hoping I can get through the next couple days without hell opening up.

 

My weekend is going to be very busy and stressful, which makes me weary. I simply do not trust my body after the mega-wave I recently came out of. I am so dang tired of feeling sick at random times! Today is grading day, so no students.  This weekend I have to get report cards completed, set up the middle school dinner and dance which is tomorrow night, basketball game for my daughter, clean my house for a sleepover, chaperone said middle school dance, clean up afterward, and go to my younger daughter's out of town volleyball tournament on Sunday (thankfully my husband is going with). Holy  cow! Deep breaths and one thing at a time. Oh yeah, I have a new student joining my class on Monday so I have to get things ready for her.

 

The thing I'm looking forward to the most is simply trusting my body again. That will mean I will be at the place where I have healed to the point that this isn't always in the back of my mind, and random waves of crap don't sweep over me out of the blue, and I can have a busy schedule planned without an element of fear.

 

More good news to report is my heart halter test came back normal and healthy. Yay! Having that done has taken much of my health fears away.

 

I hope you all have a restful weekend. Mine sure won't be, but I think it has the potential of being a lot of fun.

 

HH, great to hear about your heart halter test !!

 

I understand your concerns and fears. Trusting our bodies, how well put.

[[Sk...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Up the down escalator ... yep ... on and on and on ... this constant drip of the background wave tap ... okay ... singing to the choir again ... 

 

15 months out today ... and feel like crap ...

 

What do you do when you live in a shoe? ... buy a boot and call it a high rise ... 

 

I am sick and tired about posting this stuff ... I am grumpy ... very grumpy ...

 

Been saying that for a few weeks now ... I want a refund, and customer service is closed ...

 

And yes, I little validation from the white coat denizens would be nice ... and useless ...

 

Okay, rant #621 is over ...

 

Time for a reality check ... got to make meatballs for tonight ...

 

Have a good Friday, Folks ... I will try as well ...

 

 

Ah, Nova, I am so sorry you are feeling like crap. This just really sucks to an unbelievable degree. Thankfully we are on the backside of this journey.

I'm praying for you right now.

Enjoy those meatballs tonight! Sounds delish! Maybe you should start writing a cookbook....like a healing cookbook, filled with your wisdom and your recipes.

 

Healing cook book by Nova ? a great idea !! Food for thought... 

[[Sk...]]

WWWI ... that's my job ... providing mischief and a little light entertainment ...

 

A couple of days ago I was going out for a walk ... went to put on my winter walking boots and the left sole fell off ... rotted through ... and they were only 12 years old ...

 

Just sat there and looked at it .... couldn't get my head around it for a while ... tried to push it back on ... looked at it some more ... and then started laughing ... and then the thought arrived ... "hey old man, at least you have one good boot" ... even sat there and thought how I could manage with one boot for a while ... scattered mind and one good boot ... laughing like a fool ...

 

Called LL Bean ... can't get a new boot(s) until March ... oh well ... as the Buddha says ... "shit happens" ...

 

Hope you are having a quiet day ...

 

 

 

So you are an optimist, that's just what we need around here !

[[Sk...]]

Hey 12-18 month people.  I am in my 12th month and wish I was doing better.  Of course, I never thought it would take this long. Despite a nice window over a week ago I am in that really blah phase it seems. Manageable, but not good.  It is almost like I get more depressed after a window, because it always feels like a baseline jump and then when it goes back I get pretty down. 

 

Anyways, I am hoping that the number of posts here vs the 6-12 month thread is a good indication of how much healing takes place this far out.

 

I am just feeling like it's never going to end at this point.  All the benzo lies are telling me the typical stories about how it is going to be like this forever etc...  Doing my best not to listen but I am just tired, ya know?

 

Thank you all for supporting everyone/each other in all of this craziness.

 

Aquaval, these were just  my thoughts yesterday !!

 

Yes, this is the hardest part and if we were well, without benzo lies and all, wouldn't it be natural to think this was going to be like this forever ? So, it's quite confusing, I hear you.

[[No...]]

Hi Sky ... you are up pretty late ... how are you doing? ...

[[je...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Up the down escalator ... yep ... on and on and on ... this constant drip of the background wave tap ... okay ... singing to the choir again ... 

 

15 months out today ... and feel like crap ...

 

What do you do when you live in a shoe? ... buy a boot and call it a high rise ... 

 

I am sick and tired about posting this stuff ... I am grumpy ... very grumpy ...

 

Been saying that for a few weeks now ... I want a refund, and customer service is closed ...

 

And yes, I little validation from the white coat denizens would be nice ... and useless ...

 

Okay, rant #621 is over ...

 

Time for a reality check ... got to make meatballs for tonight ...

 

Have a good Friday, Folks ... I will try as well ...

 

 

 

Rant away Nova, I've been finding myself in the same spot. I woke up last night to my leg/arm and brain feeling like they were being squeezed and it went on every 30 seconds for about an hour. I found myself getting getting so angry, just pissed that I'm still dealing with this crap at 16 months.. Some things are better yes, much better --but I'm still dealing with stuff, still not myself. I think the theme for this stage in healing is just tired, exhausted.. Ready for the next stage..

[[dr...]]

Hi nova...doesn't seem right to say congrats on 15 months....just get the hell healed now

 

[[pe...]]

Healing cook book by Nova ? a great idea !! Food for thought... 

 

This is possibly the greatest idea ever.

 

I've read your posts. I hear you. Tired. Exhausted. Ready to cross the damn finish line. Intrusive thoughts. Body aches. I'm sorry.

 

I've had a really decent week. Low symptoms. Survived the overnight with students from my school. Constant contact with little ones and other teachers for 30 hours, minus the 9 hours set aside for something called sleeping. Which did not happen in my cabin due to a homesick little girl whom I was up with most of the night. During our waking hours we were outside, hiking through the snow, studying plants and animals, sledding. And I made it. But there's this, one of my students confessed that she doesn't think I'm very interesting. And I can see that. My brain is mush, my recall and retention are low and I'm often having such outrageous thoughts and sensations that it's hard to be witty and recall poignant facts about the players in the Civil War. Too bad I can't tell her that.

 

It is what it is.

I wanted to say, "I may not be very interesting, but I'm alive."

That's what I keep sight of everyday.

 

Love you guys,

Peace2

[[dr...]]

Lol peace!  Functional first interesting later should be our motto...one of our twenty so far. 

 

Seriously, that's increduble what you did.

[[je...]]

Peace, you are amazing! So happy you got through it! I really admire all of you buddies that work, I don't know how you all do it. Love ya, Jenny

[[63...]]

Peace....I just read your post above and i just had post to let you know how amazing you are! As jenny says, i really admire all of the buddies here who have to work...I too dont know how you do it, day in and day out. -R.

[[No...]]

Hi Peace ... as Drew said ... functional first, interesting later ... one day, we will cease wondering how we got through the day, and have our memories of the day only ...

 

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... had a deep four hour sleep ... and the head fog and congestion and pressure seems to have released ... turning on a dime again ...

 

So, feeling pretty chipper ... at 12:30 AM my time ... 

[[pa...]]

Peace, I think you're interesting!!!