12-18 month support

[[sa...]]

Mrs .. I have used resources at work. We don't have our own HR people, it all goes through your manager, but they did pay me for the first 3 months I was out. I was then going to go on disability, but was denied.  I had three months without pay and then made a deal with my manager to work from home, which I have been doing now for the past five months. I can work some days there and if I don't feel good work those days from home. I personally want to wait a bit so I'm not in and then out a lot. I think that would be disruptive to everyone. I'll decide over the next couple of months. We shall see.... I'd rather be better first, but that may not be possible.

[[mr...]]

Mrs .. I have used resources at work. We don't have our own HR people, it all goes through your manager, but they did pay me for the first 3 months I was out. I was then going to go on disability, but was denied.  I had three months without pay and then made a deal with my manager to work from home, which I have been doing now for the past five months. I can work some days there and if I don't feel good work those days from home. I personally want to wait a bit so I'm not in and then out a lot. I think that would be disruptive to everyone. I'll decide over the next couple of months. We shall see.... I'd rather be better first, but that may not be possible.

 

That's awesome, sasq. So glad to hear things like this happening for other 'buddies'. Its nice to know there are other employers out there willing to work with us!

 

Feel better soon ,Ginger tea?

 

Mrs.

[[pe...]]

Hey Buddies,

I'm just popping in to say I've had two decent days in a row. Not effortless mind days, but really manageable. The day prior to the last few I was knocking on the door of despair. I'm curious to see what this is - a window? a new baseline?

It really does change on a dime. I can't believe it, but I'm grateful.

 

I'm off to an overnight with some children and other teachers from my school. Hoping this improvement holds until I'm safely home tomorrow night. Not true. I'm hoping this improvement continues for the rest of forever!

 

Peace2

[[He...]]

Peace,

That is GREAT news!! I hope you have a wonderful time on the overnighter, it sounds like fun! 

[[Sk...]]

Hey Buddies,

I'm just popping in to say I've had two decent days in a row. Not effortless mind days, but really manageable. The day prior to the last few I was knocking on the door of despair. I'm curious to see what this is - a window? a new baseline?

It really does change on a dime. I can't believe it, but I'm grateful.

 

I'm off to an overnight with some children and other teachers from my school. Hoping this improvement holds until I'm safely home tomorrow night. Not true. I'm hoping this improvement continues for the rest of forever!

 

Peace2

 

Peace, really so glad for you!

 

I too was knocking on the doors of despair, I even started thinking about protracted, imagine that ! And I am talking about this morning, not so far away  in time!

 

Every time I think that working is bad for me, all I have to do, is take a day off, like today and my horrid thoughts walk in on me. So, my working has kept the negative at bay and paid a bill or two.

 

HAve fun Peace !

[[ga...]]

Peace....so glad for you.  I think this should prove that what we experience is not clinical depression and certainly would never need to be treated with meds.  This is something I fall back on when I'm mired in the middle of it.  Keep it up!!  Garton

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... I have been off in funky land for a couple of days now ... just feeling very tired of feeling lousy ... and the cold seems to be bothering me this winter ... never has before ...

 

Knowing I am not going back ... and feeling like I am not going forward ... and feeling a lot of grumpy ... just have to wait this out like all the rest of this stuff ...

 

Feel like the little kid who is being enticed to get over it ... and he just keeps repeating "I don't wanna" to everything ... guess you could call this tantrum depression ...

 

I think I am suffering from "HAD" ... "Healing Affective Disorder" ... 

 

Hope nobody from DSM is listening ... they might suggest a drug for this ...

 

Oh well ... it is what it is ... hope you all are having a decent day ...

 

[[dr...]]

good morning all...

 

Nova-just drudging along.  I know the feeling

 

Peace-Yay!!!

 

 

My window closed but it was wonderful.  The last day and today I am in the wandow state.  Some bothersome stuff like heart palps, headache, bad tummy, and anxiety but not enough to say I am in a wave.  Onward i go.  

[[je...]]

Peace this is great news! It really is crazy how it can change on a dime.. Ive had a pretty rough week-- Nerve pain from hell, and just a very apathetic/ hopeless mood, and this muscle weakness and joint pain was BAD and is a sx I haven't had since early w/d. Today I can feel everything has lifted a bit so Im hoping by the end of this week I feel better. I forced myself on another hike yesterday and I felt like I was 80 years old- I was huffing and grasping for air and my legs felt like jelly.. I do this hike all the time with no problems, but my mind was in such a bad place yesterday that I was sure I was dying and probably have some serious disease. Today those thoughts are gone.... Really?! Im so glad you guys "get" all of this craziness and I have a place to vent because if I told anyone about any of this they would really think I was nuts.  Hope you all have a great day! Jenny 

[[sa...]]

Jenny -- Sorry you are not feeling well. I am out of my wave, but still very flat, no energy and no interest in life. It's an empty feeling, but it was much worse a couple of months ago. This is a very slow journey. Hopefully we can get some windows soon.

[[No...]]

Jenny ... I know how you feel ... and nobody else would believe this stuff ... one minute left ... another minute right ...

 

Vent away ... I don't have the energy to vent ...

 

[[mr...]]

Hi gang,

 

Just getting off work and heading out to walk for the next hour. I'm glad to be off Mr and I will be going out of town tomorrow and traveling over the weekend, so bear with me if I'm not on here much over that timeframe. We're traveling for business, but we get to see our baby niece! She's just passed six months old, and about as cute as they get

 

I've been sorta rotating in and out of windows and "wandows" this week. Some blues, fears, a bit of OCD type tendencies, some "lonely" feelings, and a little "I can't" type feelings...y'all know the drill. I've found myself with a bit of that "trigger" type fear today ~ and its weird things, like the sound of a cell phone with a kinda eerie ringtone, or I had a memory of an "eerie" sounding song that I felt, for a split second, like I wanted to run and hide. Weird, right? I find myself a bit sensitive today to "fear" in general - its been a while since I've had to exercise that mental focus/fortitude/control over not listening to the voice of "fear", or even "be careful" or "that sounds like 'danger'", etc. Silliness. Can anyone relate? I'm not sure if I'm describing it accurately or not. Oh well When the voices say "not safe", I work VERY hard (and calmly) to stay put and NOT run - I am uninterested in playing fear's "games". Its very occasional & rare these days, as it used to be 24/7 panic and fear. Its not so much "panic", but a "deep" or "dark" type feeling, of like "doom" or "terror" - anyone else get this somewhat also? I'm sure there are others, and I'm unconcerned Its just nice to know is all.

 

How is everyone else doing? This is technically my "Friday" today, so I'm in the mode of checking in and up on everyone's progress and seeing how they are I've recently conversed with MommyR, for those of you that know her, and she is doing quite well these days. Still somewhat wavy from time to time, but constant improvements happening with each passing day

 

Stop by & drop a line, y'all, if/when you feel like it Love to you until then

 

Mrs.

[[be...]]

Peace this is great news! It really is crazy how it can change on a dime.. Ive had a pretty rough week-- Nerve pain from hell, and just a very apathetic/ hopeless mood, and this muscle weakness and joint pain was BAD and is a sx I haven't had since early w/d. Today I can feel everything has lifted a bit so Im hoping by the end of this week I feel better. I forced myself on another hike yesterday and I felt like I was 80 years old- I was huffing and grasping for air and my legs felt like jelly.. I do this hike all the time with no problems, but my mind was in such a bad place yesterday that I was sure I was dying and probably have some serious disease. Today those thoughts are gone.... Really?! Im so glad you guys "get" all of this craziness and I have a place to vent because if I told anyone about any of this they would really think I was nuts.  Hope you all have a great day! Jenny 

 

 

Peace

 

Jenny- Sorry you're feeling so bad. Yes, we do get it, and I'm also very appreciable of this site.

I think all the time about what people did before computers and being in withdrawal. No one to talk to that understood what they're going through. They probably were locked away in psych. hospitals and drugged out of their heads....it's a terrible thought.

I grew up in the era of "valley of the dolls" ,so many people on valium, especially women. To think vallium was in fashion then and a household joke.

I won

[[be...]]

Lol, I wasn't through typing my post and it came out I won. I didn't even hit the post button.

Anyway, I was going to say I wonder how many people out there are in benzodiazepine withdrawal and don't know it....it's scary.

Hope you feel better Jenny.

Hugs.

 

[[je...]]

Thanks everyone! I'm feeling much better today, thank goodness. Beulah-- I have often thought of this myself and it is a scary thought. I remember when I was in tolerence  and didn't know what was wrong with me, I thought for sure I was headed for the psych ward. I'm so glad I found this site because so many things started to add up and make sense to me as to why I was so sick.  I'm positive there are people out there right now that have no clue that its the benzos making them so sick, its so sad...

[[je...]]

Hi Mrs,

Have fun on your trip! I don't know if its called terror or dark thoughts, but I do get these scary visuals sometimes that can trigger a panic. For example I will be watching my boys ride their bikes and I'll get this visual of them getting hurt, but I will see it  in a bad, bloody over the top way. It freaks me out for a  minute and then I have to tell myself that these thoughts are not real.. But what I really feel like doing is telling my boys, its time to go inside bike time is over...  Great to hear you're talked to mommyr and shes doing good. Tell her I said hi, and i miss her next time you talk to her. Love, jenny 

[[mr...]]

Hi Mrs,

Have fun on your trip! I don't know if its called terror or dark thoughts, but I do get these scary visuals sometimes that can trigger a panic. For example I will be watching my boys ride their bikes and I'll get this visual of them getting hurt, but I will see it  in a bad, bloody over the top way. It freaks me out for a  minute and then I have to tell myself that these thoughts are not real.. But what I really feel like doing is telling my boys, its time to go inside bike time is over...  Great to hear you're talked to mommyr and shes doing good. Tell her I said hi, and i miss her next time you talk to her. Love, jenny 

 

Will do, Jenny   You described the thoughts well!

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

Hi Mrs and Jenny!

I can very much relate to those dark thoughts. I get still get them, but they are diminishing and don't often bring the panic and fear like they used to. Mine almost always center around my kids.

 

Mrs, I hope you have a great time on your trip! I love visiting with my hubby on road trips...it's one of the few times we seem to actually sit down together long enough for a in-depth conversation.

 

Jenny, I'm glad to hear you are doing better today! I hope you have a nice weekend.

[[Sk...]]

Lol, I wasn't through typing my post and it came out I won. I didn't even hit the post button.

Anyway, I was going to say I wonder how many people out there are in benzodiazepine withdrawal and don't know it....it's scary.

Hope you feel better Jenny.

Hugs.

 

Beulah, when i read your post ending with " I won " I thought you meant I won against benzos which of course you di !! 

 

Mrs, I hope you get to enjoy your niece and the outing ! I know all about those thoughts, I have them on my loved ones constantly !

[[Gr...]]

Hey Buddies,

I'm just popping in to say I've had two decent days in a row. Not effortless mind days, but really manageable. The day prior to the last few I was knocking on the door of despair. I'm curious to see what this is - a window? a new baseline?

It really does change on a dime. I can't believe it, but I'm grateful.

 

I'm off to an overnight with some children and other teachers from my school. Hoping this improvement holds until I'm safely home tomorrow night. Not true. I'm hoping this improvement continues for the rest of forever!

 

Peace2

 

[[Sk...]]

Sue, you are awake ? Sorry to see that ! 

[[Gr...]]

Hi Folks ... I have been off in funky land for a couple of days now ... just feeling very tired of feeling lousy ... and the cold seems to be bothering me this winter ... never has before ...

 

Knowing I am not going back ... and feeling like I am not going forward ... and feeling a lot of grumpy ... just have to wait this out like all the rest of this stuff ...

 

Feel like the little kid who is being enticed to get over it ... and he just keeps repeating "I don't wanna" to everything ... guess you could call this tantrum depression ...

 

I think I am suffering from "HAD" ... "Healing Affective Disorder" ... 

 

Hope nobody from DSM is listening ... they might suggest a drug for this ...

 

Oh well ... it is what it is ... hope you all are having a decent day ...

 

 

Nova, this has to end at some point.  Doesn't it?  It feels like walking up on the down escalator, like we're not getting anywhere.  I know that's not true, but that's what it feels like

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Peace this is great news! It really is crazy how it can change on a dime.. Ive had a pretty rough week-- Nerve pain from hell, and just a very apathetic/ hopeless mood, and this muscle weakness and joint pain was BAD and is a sx I haven't had since early w/d. Today I can feel everything has lifted a bit so Im hoping by the end of this week I feel better. I forced myself on another hike yesterday and I felt like I was 80 years old- I was huffing and grasping for air and my legs felt like jelly.. I do this hike all the time with no problems, but my mind was in such a bad place yesterday that I was sure I was dying and probably have some serious disease. Today those thoughts are gone.... Really?! Im so glad you guys "get" all of this craziness and I have a place to vent because if I told anyone about any of this they would really think I was nuts.  Hope you all have a great day! Jenny 

 

Jenny, the body pain is ridiculous!

  I cleaned the bathroom, had to get on my knees to get behind the toilet, and I was stunned by how much everything hurts! 

 

Well, Peace is feeling better, on a dime, let's hope that continues.  And hopefully you and HH will see some improvement soon. 

[[Sk...]]

Peace this is great news! It really is crazy how it can change on a dime.. Ive had a pretty rough week-- Nerve pain from hell, and just a very apathetic/ hopeless mood, and this muscle weakness and joint pain was BAD and is a sx I haven't had since early w/d. Today I can feel everything has lifted a bit so Im hoping by the end of this week I feel better. I forced myself on another hike yesterday and I felt like I was 80 years old- I was huffing and grasping for air and my legs felt like jelly.. I do this hike all the time with no problems, but my mind was in such a bad place yesterday that I was sure I was dying and probably have some serious disease. Today those thoughts are gone.... Really?! Im so glad you guys "get" all of this craziness and I have a place to vent because if I told anyone about any of this they would really think I was nuts.  Hope you all have a great day! Jenny 

 

Jenny, the body pain is ridiculous!

  I cleaned the bathroom, had to get on my knees to get behind the toilet, and I was stunned by how much [i]everything hurts![/i] 

 

Well, Peace is feeling better, on a dime, let's hope that continues.  And hopefully you and HH will see some improvement soon. 

 

everything hurts, everything is so  weak, it's like what happened to my muscles ?

[[Gr...]]

Thanks everyone! I'm feeling much better today, thank goodness. Beulah-- I have often thought of this myself and it is a scary thought. I remember when I was in tolerence  and didn't know what was wrong with me, I thought for sure I was headed for the psych ward. I'm so glad I found this site because so many things started to add up and make sense to me as to why I was so sick.  I'm positive there are people out there right now that have no clue that its the benzos making them so sick, its so sad...

 

 

Yes, it is sad.  And what's really scary is even when you know what's going on, it's hard to get doctors to believe you.  There might be better, benzo wise doctors across the country.  I don't think there are any in New York.  I'm starting to think doctors are not interested because there's no money to be made from a patient who doesn't want to take medication for life.  Hope I'm just paranoid.