12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

FJ....I am so glad to see that you did not drop away from our group. You always have very helpful and caring posts. I have had a few snark comments from BBs along the way too. None from our thread and only one person who is not active on the forum any more. He gave me a bad time in the very beginning when I wanted to come onto the 3-6 month group or something right after I jumped . We had a few little spars and then we both just let it go. Then right in the middle of acute I jumped all over someone who kept advocating for reinstatement as a viable consideration for people having tough w/d.  wrong time for that argument for me...I was really a biatch to that person...all of that was right before 6 months. We all have our bad moments here.  You can't take it personally. We love to see  your posts here and are always here to support you.

....You sound very good. ...You have every right to be here.. opoids , benzos...whatever we are all traveling a long and weary way to healing and we need each others company

....Wishing you a Happy and healed New Year. ..coop

[[Co...]]

Michael, how are you doing? ...Weathering or windows? ...or both? ...You are ahead of me...so you must be at 15/16 months?....I hit month 14 on Sat. I think this is the first month that I forgot to count. Up until now I have been counting every day ( sometimes hours) until the next month. .....

....I think you and Green and HH and myself are experiencing similar patterns of on again off again sx with steadily improved baselines. That has to be a good sign...the similarit in patter. ...I hope you are not weathering so much today and instead enjoying a rolling along feeling ok day. 

  ..Happy New Year to you Michael.  coop

[[Fi...]]

Well, thanks, Coop.  Since I am now well enough that I don't really need people urging me to "hang in there," the main benefit I get from the board is feeling people appreciate it when I have some information or advice that pertains to their situation.  Big turn off to have people call me names for my efforts!  But since my inability to keep my mouth shut--the reason I should stay off the board--is also the reason I can't resist posting if I think I know something helpful, here I am again.

 

Jenny, you better get this book.  Pages 40-41 and more.  It's really too much to copy out.  Here's one sentence:  "With long-term use, 50 to 70 percent of people develop chronic intestinal inflammation."  Seriously, if you are taking this stuff every day, you need to read the book.  It all just works into figuring out that our bodies and brains want to heal and too much of the stuff we take to try to hasten that process is just getting in the way.

 

The book is interesting for way more than just this, too.  If anybody's interested, I have a bunch of reviews posted on Amazon on addiction books under the handle accidental addict.

[[Co...]]

Happy Happy New Year 12-18 buddies...

  ...We made it!...On to a brand new year. It is bound to be so much better than the last one. I can honestly say that last year was the worst year of my life...I really don't know how I made it one day to the next. ...This year though is going to be the year of 100% healing ..for all of us.

    You have all been such good and caring friends. It is you who have made it possible for me to not give up. Thank you so much for your support and honesty about your own ups and downs. I am so looking forward to traveling through this new year with you . I am excited for all of us.  A very good year awaits us....Love to you 12-18 month buddies... coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, the last post I read from you sounded so good ...even in the face of cardiac testing. Boy, you got it all under control. I don't think I could be as rational even if I wasn't in w/d.

....Every thing you said .  especially the fact that your doctor cleared you for moderate exercise makes me think that the testing is precautionary and r/o of remote possibilities.

....I loved everything you said about going in to your office in the dead center of anxiety and counting the half hours.  You and Peace and HH have that thing...that Nike thing of " Just do it"  I love your posts . I borrow courage ftom the 3 of you. .. 

.How are you? .. Did you celebrate for New Years Eve? ..

  .This is our year.  Our very tough year is behind us.  I really believe that. Wishing you big windows....coop

[[dr...]]

Ha Coop...you give me too much credit. Thanks though! 

 

I had a whatever New Years eve. Small gathering at a house. I have stuffy head/pressure stuff so I would have rather stayed home. I did it and it's done. 

 

 

I really hope this year is better. 

[[He...]]

Happy Happy New Year 12-18 buddies...

  ...We made it!...On to a brand new year. It is bound to be so much better than the last one. I can honestly say that last year was the worst year of my life...I really don't know how I made it one day to the next. ...This year though is going to be the year of 100% healing ..for all of us.

    You have all been such good and caring friends. It is you who have made it possible for me to not give up. Thank you so much for your support and honesty about your own ups and downs. I am so looking forward to traveling through this new year with you . I am excited for all of us.  A very good year awaits us....Love to you 12-18 month buddies... coop

 

Happy New Year!!  This is going to be THE year! 100% healing.  You sound so good, Coop. I love how optimistic and supporting you are!

Where are we all going to hang out when we are healed?? 

 

Love to you!

[[Co...]]

HH..when everyone is healed we should start a "We are 2 years out" group so new buddies can see that even though healing is not linear, the second year is easier and gets us though re-entry...I am glad you emerged from that scary day you had last week. My bad days are like that too.  I can have a pretty bad day and see it disappear suddenly..have a good weekend HH.....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew...I think the closer you get to 12 months the better it will get. Green and I were both pretty miserable right up to month 10/11 and then things started to shift...somehow in spite of recurring sx.  Your attitude is so strong.  This is going to be your year ....I still get head stuff too, but not as intense and not every day....coop

[[No...]]

Good Morning ...

 

When I fall of he wagon, I go splatttttttttt ... and then, foolish me, I start jogging alongside the wagon instead of getting back on ... that about summarizes my last three days ... jogging instead of riding ... a lot of extra work to get to the same place ...

 

What helps me so much during this journey is my choice to observe before I act ... to name the sensations and watch them for a while without judging them ... this helps me to feel the sensations without adding to the stress of the moment ...

 

Why did I fall off my wagon ... I don't know for sure ... probably overload ... when sensations start piling up, and I am physically worn down, I can find myself in what I call my helpless place ... for me, a state of mind, probably from my past, that I describe as circling the drain ... going faster and faster until I throw up my hands and say "help me" ... or sometimes it comes out as "fix me" ...

 

I can recognize this place because I am looking outward rather than inward ... I am somewhat madly looking for solutions rather than resting in the centre of the calm that is available to me ...I have disconnected from what I can call my wagon ... I have fallen off and am now running alongside instead of getting back on ...

 

And over these past months I have done this over and over again ... the grace is that I always eventually recognize this state of mind and haul my weary bones back into the wagon ...

 

And I rest for a while ... and my focus and intention gradually return ... and the stress I have added to this particular event dissolves ... and I can observe where I am and what is going on ... I am going slow again ... and as I have said many times, this doesn't fix anything ... rather it gives me the time to remember that there is enough space for the sensations to be there ... doing whatever they are doing for my healing ... and enough space for me to be there ... calmly ...

 

Another way for me to describe this experience is to name my state of mind as contracting ... rather than feeling that there is sufficient space for everything to be there at the same time ... the image here is of the figure skater ... are they moving around the ice flowing with the music ... expressing their being alive ... or are they in a spin configuration ... going faster and faster ... folding in on themselves ... disappearing into some void ...

 

So ... last evening I hauled me arse back into the wagon ... I let enough time pass for the self-inflicted stress to release ... the cords on the back of my neck were actually standing out and putting pressure on my head and upper body ... allowing enough time to pass to allow my mind to rest and do what I call "come home" ...

 

And ... nothing got fixed in regard to the healing sensations ... my grumbly guts are still there ... the sinus pressure is still there ... and the anxiety is still floating around ... and that is okay ... that is what is there right now ... and then I shut down for the night and slept for several hours ...

 

And now it is Friday ... and I am on my wagon ... anticipating a new day ... and the sensations are still present ... the difference is today so am I ...

 

And another stone has been added to my healing cairn ...

 

Long winded again ... and I feel this may be helpful to someone else, I know it is for me ...

 

Wishing everyone a good day ...

 

Michael

 

[[No...]]

Coop ... good to hear your wise words and your encouragement ... 2015 is our year ...

 

[[No...]]

Folks ...

 

I use ibuprofen occasionally for aches and pains especially after a prolonged storm and bloating ... and it does bother me ... interacts with my guts and I can get a little stoned from it and I often have a hang over from it ... all quite mild ... and it does have its side effects for me ...

 

Also ... I believe the gut-brain connection is a very valid one ... too much evidence and good thinking about this to be otherwise ... I cannot speak to probiotics ... neither I nor Mrs Nova have used them ...

 

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Friday, Jan. 2

 

Where you stumble, there your treasure lies.

 

Joseph Campbell

 

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova, ..yes, your post regarding running along side the wagon is very helpful. I have very similar " circling the drain" days, but like you they give way to fairly shortly to a more healed state. I too, can be caught in the inward focus on body pain, lingering head sx , mild d/r and infrequent unchacteristic twisted depression. ...on those days I just can not find the leg up to the wagon...well, we can jog along together. I am glad that you are back in the wagon jiggle jogglingling along this bumpy road. It is great that you can sleep for a string of hours. ....I also have used Ibuprofen for a few days in a row ( maybe 4/5) for that paralyzing body pain that hit in mid month 13...funny..it made me spacey and improved my sleep. I took the liquid formula. It provided wonderful pan relief, but it began to drive my b/p up and my palps came back so I dropped it. I use Tylenol now if my body pain ( like you, alot in my shoulders neck and head). The Tylenol does not provide as good of pain relief but it does take the edge off.

....Thank you Nova for hanging in their with us. Your posts are such a source of wisdom and encouragement for all of us. ....Tie yourself into that wagon ...Wishing you a good good weekend....coop

[[dr...]]

Good morning Nova.  I get exactly what your saying.  For me the wagon is a light switch. Sometimes the light switch goes off and my brain reacts to all my symptoms and fears(such as my heart tests) and then just like that it switches on and I can handle everything.  I try to find cures, need reassurance, etc...

 

Nothing really changed in what I'm doing or did so I have to assume it's my chemical storm brain causing this.  It must be the recovery or why would we all experience this.

 

Luckily, the past few days my light switch is on and I can handle all the symptoms.

 

Another way to look at it is we are able to mindful of our symptoms and accept them.

 

[[Gr...]]

Green, you sound just like where I am again...sx but my baseline is holding at a steady 90%...I am still getting some headaches and low grade swaying dizziness. My weird intrusive thoughts of death/dying and heath fear still come and go, I still get traumatic flashbacks of the sx that sent me to er and terrible fear of ever going back to an er. My mornings can still be a little tricky with momentary moderate depression but those horrible cortisol surges and raw chemical anxiety are GONE ( knock on wood...those awful morning wakeups have been reliably gone for about 2cmonths...at least)  Having said all of that....it is so so much better. I was just thinking about last spring when I was still having bouts of dread and fear if someone was coming for a visit. Sometimes I would hide in my room and not answer the door.  I was in a constant state of dread, fear, intrusive thoughts and head pressure....It is for the most part 95% gone except for lingering ones I mentioned. Strangely I do still get random days of real depression but they are infrequent and lift completely within 12-24 hours ( that can seem like years).

    My very good friend who I have been walking with ( she walked , I rolled in my wh/ch.lol)  for 18 months has moved away as her husband's job was relocated. She was a huge support as her husband was also w/ding from depakoate. I thought I was really in for it having her move away. The first day was hard and I had some old acute sx show up... but unvelievably.  the next day, in spite of being really sad I had a full blown effortless mind day. Much in the way that Life describes his ability to handle stress and still be ok.  I was blown away. I miss her dearly and am sad when I take the dog out walking.  But it is all such normal sadness and grief.  nothing like the black twisted looping awfulness of w/d sx

    I am crossing my fingers .  Hoping with all my heart that things continue in this direction. I am beginning month 14 on Sat. ...and  my ex and I are taking one of our grandsons to see The Hobbit...and I have planned some adventures out with my daughter 3 days next week...and I have no sense of fear or dread. .. .

  .Green.  you and I and Michael, and Drew, and HH and FJ and Jenny and Lisa and Peace ...and all of us on this thread are getting better.  I can not wa it to see all the posts this Spring.

. ...Happy New Year Green, .  This is THE year our lives are coming back.  coop

 

Happy New Year, my dear friend.

 

Yes, we're on the same track, still.  Lots of symptoms, but that improvement we shared at the one year mark has held.  I don't know if I want to call it mental clarity, because there are days when I have heavy cog fog, DP/DR.  I cooked a standing roast for Christmas and didn't see that the ribs needed to be removed at the end of the recipe.  It was there, very clearly.  Little stuff like that let's me know I'm still out of it.  I get significant nausea twice a day, around 5 p.m. dinner time, and then wake up with it around 5 a.m.  It passes.  Body is very stiff, so much so I won't try to stretch.  When I jogged a few steps, I injured something in the back of my leg.  This I kind of knew, when the muscles are so tight, don't push it.  I get wavy, but like you it hasn't been the dreaded anxiety morphing into panic attacks, and the cortisol wakeups.  Those I haven't seen since my last bad wave.  I don't think I'm feeling as well as I was when we first got that new mental clarity improvement because when I think about getting ready for work it feels overwhelming and I've put it off again.  But compared to last year, I can do a lot.  I'm able to pull it together and visit cousins for the holidays, drive an hour to get there, lots of things.  There's a lot I can't do, but there's a lot I can do.  Like you, I have more confidence, I'm less terrified to leave the house, make plans.  If I go negative, I can get extremely discouraged, and then my head goes to a place I don't want to be. 

 

Off I go.  More cousins to visit.  feeling a little nauseas and tired, didn't sleep enough, but I'm sure I'll be okay.

 

Have a wonderful day, everyone.  Feel better.

[[Co...]]

Green, I wouldn't be able to go back to work at this level either. I am not planning on going back to the classroom on a consistent basis until Valentines Day. I think for me, even though things are better it is going to take the whole of this year for re-entry. Like you, I am trying to go out to do 'stuff' but nothing really stressful...and am not feeling the fear and dread of agoraphobia but I am not pushing it. I am so happy that I can plan to see a movie with my little Best Boy and be pretty confident that I am going to be ok and not have irrational fears of having a panic attack...or heart attack or stroke in front of my grandson. For me that is so huge. I am living less and less in fear.

......The body/muscle aches are a trip aren't they?...The only thing that helped mine was Epsome salts lavender bath soaks and Ibuprofen if you can tolerate it. I had to switch after a few days to tylenol. The Tylenol helps but not as much as the Ibuprofen. ...Yep, I still have gaps in my clarity and make silly mistakes that make me wonder if I have dementia ( seriously). ...I bet your standing roast was so delicious anyway. ....I get crazed with frustation too ...especially when an effortless mind day is followed up by a wavy day...but the good days seem to be out numbering the bad days for bothe of us.  Finally....still some months to go, but we are getting pieces of our lives back....I will take it!.

.....Enjoy your cousins....have a very good day...love to you Green.  coop

[[je...]]

Coop- so good to see you on here. I miss seeing your positive, and encouraging energy on here everyday. Yes, you are so right 2015 is going to be our year of healing!

Nova-- so sorry you are still having a rough time. Your gonna have a big jump in baseline after this passes I just know it!

Fj- I take ibuprofen when I get bad headaches or for my period when the cramps are bad, I've never had a bad reaction. My mom has warned me that it is not good for my liver, but now after what you posted I don't think I'm gonna be taking it anymore unless its absolutely necessary. The thing is I get these really bad headaches, almost a migraine and it really gives me the relief. The more I learn about drugs and medicine the more I believe that all this stuff is poison to our bodies. Ive been taking some fresh ginger, and its suppose to help with headaches.. I think I'm going to be taking that from now on for my headaches.

I hope everyone is having a good day, I'm feeling my normal crappy self. Yay me!

[[No...]]

Jenny ... yep ... looking forward to seeing my baseline again ... forgot where I put it ... this is feeling like a sort of second go round of healing ... had the long stretch of acute from about last February until mid August ... then had a 10 holiday ... and moved into this second round ... don't know if this fits with any particular scenario, it is just how I am seeing things ...

 

So, I have had three months of in and out ... some relief, some symptoms ... back and forth ... and I sense that this back and forth may be what feels like being worn down ... and, for me, this may be where some of my anxiety is being generated ... not know what is coming next ...

 

During acute ... it was just acute ... day and day out ... seems it was somewhat easier back then to go with the flow ... who knows ... just a thought on how I am seeing this stretch ...

 

And, I just go with what shows up until it morphs into some release and expect more stuff to show up ... until things are complete ... and keep my seat belt fastened on my wagon ...

 

Fun times ... and this year will see us through all this stuff ...

 

Wishing you a good day ...

 

[[No...]]

Drew .. yep ... switch on ... switch off ... I guess the dimmer switch must be broken ... 

[[No...]]

Coop ... a "2 years out group" ... hmmm ... these first two groups have worked so well, why not ...

 

I should be just shy of 90 by the time I reach two years out ... or some days it feels like it ... 

[[mr...]]

Nova & Drew, the "switch on/switch off" analogy - well said

 

I often find that, the moment I'm coming to read here for comfort and post a question, my question gets answered without me ever having to ask it simply by reading everyone else's posts.  Man, that is reassuring!  You know?  I find myself at the next level of healing, I believe - I'm so much better than I was, but still a decent ways from being what I would consider "well" and "whole".  So many things that need to shift and normalize back into "me" again - no need to make a list...we all know what they are for each of us - I'm just looking forward to its completion.  We are learning patience and steadfastness like I never thought I'd learn it! So grateful for everyone here.  What a way to be partially 'carried' along this journey!  I do so appreciate it

 

Well, back to work shortly here   I just wanted to stop by and say "hey"   Love to ya, gang.

 

Mrs.

[[Co...]]

Jenny....I think you are ok with the Ibuprofen if it is not bothering you...I think it is long term daily use that is hard on your liver. Your pharmacist would have the most informed information. I agree that daily use over time is not good ...at lower doses with infrequent use you are probably good. I think all of us are do medication traumatized that we tend to not take anything at all when we are suffering. I agree that trying non medication remedies is a good first lin defense..but I also think we should not suffer any more than we already are if we can get safe relief I think it is worth it ( just my opinion). I took Ibuprofen at the 200mg dose once in the morning and once at night time . For me it did seem to bump up my b/p after 4/5 days, but not everyone is going to have side effects from it .I know the headaches that come with this w/d and they are miserable. The Ibuprofen really helped my body pain and headaches. I switched over to tylenol  and it is not as effective but does help. I also take a gUnger / tumeric tea that I make myself ( I found the recipe on an organic herb remedy site...I posted the recipe to Peace a few posts back)...I believe the tea is very helpful too as ginger and tumeric are both anti-inflammatory. ...Happy healing Jenny...yep...we are on the home stretch now...can't wait for spring....coop

[[je...]]

Thanks for that recipe Coop! I don't know how I missed that post, but I'm going to try it. I've been reading many good things about ginger, it also fights cortisol and is suppose to help with brain inflammation along with a dozen other health benefits. I was putting it in my fresh juice and feeling great from it, but I think I over did it and was starting to get a little revved so I had to back off. I still haven't learned that my body still is sensitive, and to start off slow. Great hearing from you Coop! Jenny 

[[Fi...]]

Jenny-I have a lifelong history of migraines and that's why I went on propranolol when I was about 38.  It really changed my life for the better.  After 25 years on it, though, I wanted to come off because I thought it was making it hard to stay slim. I figured how could I burn calories if my heart never got up over 100?  (ha! be careful what you wish for, I thought the other day when my heart was doing 134 in a panic!) So I went off right after I went off Oxycodone and Lexapro.  I may have made things harder on myself by going off this during withdrawal, but I had no idea the whole thing was going to drag out this long.  When I went off it, it was like the last thing I wanted off of.  I didn't know I needed to quit the Xanax too.  Anyway, at some point a few years back somebody at the gym overheard me talking about migraines and suggested magnesium in the form of the powdered drink called Calm.  I started using it and it cut my use of my RX migraine med Imitrex (highly effective for me) to a third of what I'd been taking before. 

 

All this is by way of saying I'm sympathetic about headaches!  People get rebound headaches from over the counter stuff too, though, so you have to be careful about that.

 

I don't mean to sound argumentative to Coop.  I'm all in favour of us not suffering.  But the negative effects of this stuff on our bodies and brains goes way beyond just noticing if you have an immediate negative reaction.  I really hope you'll read Total Recovery. I think if you do it'll make it easier for you to forgo the effort at relief you feel you might get from ibuprofen.

 

And actually, if I'm remembering right, I think I was told that it's Tylenol that's metabolized by your liver and ibuprofen by the kidneys, which is why the doc let me take max doses of both to quell the pain I had due to hyperalgesia. At that point the pain was so bad I had to do something, and it had to be something other than going back to Oxycodone.