12-18 month support

[[dr...]]

Just keep taking deep breathes and it will pass as it always has before. You've been doing a lot and you're also at a hotel.  Being away adds to the anxiety.  It's so hard to not be able to help you more from here.

[[He...]]

Just keep taking deep breathes and it will pass as it always has before. You've been doing a lot and you're also at a hotel.  Being away adds to the anxiety.  It's so hard to not be able to help you more from here.

 

You are helping a lot! Thank you, Drew!! 

 

Have you been doing ok today?

[[dr...]]

Eh...had some anxiety returning to work. Also had chest pain which is more of an ache in my breastbone area. I'm pretty sure it's a strained something or other. I got a Thai massage a few weeks ago and he stretched me like no time ever before.  When I put my arms up or push my chest out it hurts.  It's just making me a bit more nervous because I have to take another strss test soon.  Funny thing is my rational mind can ignore it but my irrational mind can't. 

[[dr...]]

Off to bed. Hope you feel better soon 

[[He...]]

Off to bed. Hope you feel better soon 

 

Good night. Thank you! I hope we both have a better day tomorrow. 

[[Fi...]]

So, so sorry, HH.  I hope relief is on the way.  My husband was really impressed you made it through the pro game without trouble because he says they arrange those to be one big scene of hyped up, amped up, ramped up noise, lights and action.  I was always scared of going to the ER because I didn't want to be shot up with something that I feared would put me back at square one.

Love, FJ

[[No...]]

HH ... hang on ... these always pass ... I had a four or five hour trip a day and half ago ... did nothing but hang out and let it pass ... drank my chamomile tea ... for me the revving is always the worst ...

 

I would suspect this is just a stress release from the last couple of days ... nothing to worry about ... just scary and ugly ... if you have the space and feel okay enough ... you might try some slow walking for a minute or so and then rest and repeat for a while ... might help pass some of the energy ... might pull the attention away from the revving ... going slow ...

 

[[No...]]

FJ ... how are you doing ... I got woken up at 2:30 with one of my chills ... sitting here wrapped up warm waiting for it to pass ... forgot I had the window open a crack ... and sleeping outside the covers ... goofy ...

 

[[Sk...]]

Michael, chilly here too. THere have been two very windy days, and the only reason I am pointing this out, is that it seems to have hit me too. My head has this weird pain, my thinking is more muddled.

 

On the other hand I am sleeping like a log at night, that is good.

 

I am following the thread, even though I am not posting. yesterday was my 14th month, I guess I will know I have healed when it stops being so important !

 

Healing, hope you get better.

 

Healing thoughts and smiles to you all.

[[He...]]

Rough night. I slept some, but only in 1-2 hour chunks. My anxiety changed back to the normal, angry butterflies, morning stuff I used to have earlier in withdrawal, so maybe that's good.

 

My body felt out of control yesterday and I'm afraid it's going to happen again.

 

This is NOT who I was pre-benzos, I did NOT have anxiety like this. Now I fear I'm being left with an anxiety disorder.  :'(

[[No...]]

HH ... or maybe ... some stress, a not completely healed cns, and an anxiety response ... the out of control sensation is common for me ... and I am not trying to tell you how it is ... rather, I am saying, to me, this does not sound uncommon ...

 

And the fear of being left with an anxiety disorder is understandable ... and likely not a true forecast ...

 

And it is not who you were pre-benzos ...

 

This was probably a very powerful storm that was very frightening ... and it is not a forecast of who you will be when you are healed ... you got through it ... and now you are probably feeling some of the aftereffects ... I often feel hung over after a powerful storm where my body feels out of control ...

 

Hope this softens up for you ...

 

Michael

[[dr...]]

Bayliss does mention she had one of her worst waves ever near two years out then healed.  Healing-this may be the last hurrah or two from the benzo beast.  so proud of you making it throught the night.

 

i woke up at my usual 5am with the pounding heart, tight chest, etc....I was not falling asleep so I did a body calming meditation I have on podcast.  It worked really well and slowed my thougths and then my body down.  Once calm, I did a mindfulness exercise of stretching in ways that my chest felt the pull/slight ache.  I just sat and observed it in a calm state so my irrational mind can realize it is nothing heart related.  It worked a bit as my anxiety level is so much lower right now.  I am at work and productive.  I am going to incorporate this meditation twice a day into my routine. 

 

Sky-congrats on 14!

 

Hope everyone else is doing as well as they can.:  

[[He...]]

Michael,

You get the out of control feeling? I guess I've had it before, just rarely to the extent or the length of last night.

I hope you're right. It probably was an overreaction from a still compromised CNS. The stress of this travel week, poor driving conditions, the Blazer game, a probable stomach virus (I thought my nausea and diarrhea were anxiety caused, but both daughters have it now too), and PMS. A likely perfect storm for CNS disaster.

I definitely have a hung over feeling that causes me to question if it's over. I'm going to lay low today as much as I can.

Thanks for your insight and advice.

[[He...]]

Bayliss does mention she had one of her worst waves ever near two years out then healed.  Healing-this may be the last hurrah or two from the benzo beast.  so proud of you making it throught the night.

 

i woke up at my usual 5am with the pounding heart, tight chest, etc....I was not falling asleep so I did a body calming meditation I have on podcast.  It worked really well and slowed my thougths and then my body down.  Once calm, I did a mindfulness exercise of stretching in ways that my chest felt the pull/slight ache.  I just sat and observed it in a calm state so my irrational mind can realize it is nothing heart related.  It worked a bit as my anxiety level is so much lower right now.  I am at work and productive.  I am going to incorporate this meditation twice a day into my routine. 

 

Sky-congrats on 14!

 

Hope everyone else is doing as well as they can.:

 

I have not read Bayliss's book. She had one of her worst waves toward the end? That's encouraging to know. If this was the last bite of the beast, I would be thrilled.

 

I'm glad the meditation worked for you!

[[pe...]]

Hi HH,

I'm glad things have calmed some. I wish Baylissa could just fly around holding our hands and reading her book to us. This whole deal is the pits! I hope Drew is right and this could be your last big one before complete healing. Something is happening in you and we just keep calling it signs of healing because that's what we've been told and that seems to be the case. I believe you will be left with nothing except a few memories of this time and the understanding of how strong you are. I just believe if it wasn't there before, it won't be after. I'm counting on that to be true and I think you should too!

 

Lay low today. That seems like a great call. We are here for you.

Big hugs and deep, deep breaths.

Peace2

[[He...]]

Hi HH,

I'm glad things have calmed some. I wish Baylissa could just fly around holding our hands and reading her book to us. This whole deal is the pits! I hope Drew is right and this could be your last big one before complete healing. Something is happening in you and we just keep calling it signs of healing because that's what we've been told and that seems to be the case. I believe you will be left with nothing except a few memories of this time and the understanding of how strong you are. I just believe if it wasn't there before, it won't be after. I'm counting on that to be true and I think you should too!

 

Lay low today. That seems like a great call. We are here for you.

Big hugs and deep, deep breaths.

Peace2

 

Thanks Peace.

 

I'm sick with what seems like a stomach virus, very nauseous. Both my girls got it, too, so that leaves me to believe it's more than a reaction to this wave. I'm staying in bed rather than going to the game. I feel very alone and vulnerable right now. I never like being alone when I'm sick during the best of times, and certainly not in a hotel room when I feel residual fear from last night.

 

I have never understood when people said that waves mean healing. How does that work? How can feeling like your dying equate to healing? I have never understood the process. I hope it's true, however!

 

I'm trying to hold on to that hope, but it's been a challenge during these volatile waves of late. This is unreal.

 

I hope you are doing a little better today and getting some relief from the sinus infection!

Love,

HH

 

 

[[dr...]]

I think saying "waves mean we are healing" is two fold.  One is to get us throught he damn suffering   The other reason is that our receptors are finding homeostasis so all the symptoms are your body trying to "fix" the part that is screwed up in the wave.

 

That stomach virus will make your wave 10x worse.  that is definitely the reason you are getting hit extra hard.  I know i'm right  

[[He...]]

I think saying "waves mean we are healing" is two fold.  One is to get us throught he damn suffering   The other reason is that our receptors are finding homeostasis so all the symptoms are your body trying to "fix" the part that is screwed up in the wave.

 

That stomach virus will make your wave 10x worse.  that is definitely the reason you are getting hit extra hard.  I know i'm right

 

Thanks Drew!

 

That sounds like a guarantee......and I'll take it!

[[dr...]]

grrr...the cardiologist office called and they said they can't even get me in for a consultation until the 26th!  I explained I realize I am considered "routine" int he cardio world but I suffer from health anxiety which is making this very difficult on me.  They will see if they can do any better.  I called my refering dr. and they are going to try another place. 

This is crazy.  I know I will not die but I would like some peace of mind.  Very bothersome when the doc tells you "don't push yourself" until you get a stress test.

[[mr...]]

grrr...the cardiologist office called and they said they can't even get me in for a consultation until the 26th!  I explained I realize I am considered "routine" int he cardio world but I suffer from health anxiety which is making this very difficult on me.  They will see if they can do any better.  I called my refering dr. and they are going to try another place. 

This is crazy.  I know I will not die but I would like some peace of mind.  Very bothersome when the doc tells you "don't push yourself" until you get a stress test.

 

Drew, I'd take it as a good sign that they're pushing you back a month, buddy. Doctors don't mess around w/ cardiology, you know. I truly believe that if it were serious, they'd be clearing some calendars for you. Know what I mean?

 

I know I'm right

 

Mrs.

[[He...]]

grrr...the cardiologist office called and they said they can't even get me in for a consultation until the 26th!  I explained I realize I am considered "routine" int he cardio world but I suffer from health anxiety which is making this very difficult on me.  They will see if they can do any better.  I called my refering dr. and they are going to try another place. 

This is crazy.  I know I will not die but I would like some peace of mind.  Very bothersome when the doc tells you "don't push yourself" until you get a stress test.

 

Oh shoot! That sucks. I agree with Mrs........ if it were anything serious they would be getting you in ASAP. Not that it helps, because it would freak me out too, but I think the doctor telling you to not push yourself was ONLY to cover his butt.

 

Hopefully they will find another place, or a cancelation will open up, just for your peace of mind.

 

You're going to be OK and declared heart healthy! 

[[No...]]

HH ... yes, it still shows up from time to time ... and it usually takes me by surprise for the initial eruption ... this I get into my little routine and I ride it out ... and if it is especially dynamic then I may feel hung over for a while ...

 

All through this my stuff has been mostly physical in the moment ... and if I lose it for a while the mental stuff kicks in as an added treat ...

 

And I forget ... seems every time something shows up I have to remind myself what is happening ... how it was before ... and how it will pass again this time ...

 

The forgetting is a two edge sword ... and having an auto pilot routine is helpful for me ...

 

Haven't read Bayliss in a while ... maybe it is time for another refresher for me ...

 

And having a flu thingie going on just adds to the confusion ...

 

Time is our remedy ...

 

Be Well ...

 

Michael

[[No...]]

Drew ... sounds like you have some quality practice things that help you ... I have some I use that work for me as well ... not all the time, and often enough to help usually ...

 

And I know I am also right ... especially when I am in the presence of the symptoms ... I am always walking to the right ... unless I am going left ... 

[[No...]]

Peace ... how are you today? ... hope your sinus thingie is just passing thru ...

 

I am doing okay ... had a four hour nap this afternoon ... and my cold seems to have finished with me ...

 

We get through this stuff ...

 

[[pe...]]

Hi nova-

Glad your cold is passing through. My sinus infection is doing battle with loads of raw garlic, the neti pot, steam and apple cider vinegar cocktails. There is no clear victor yet.

 

So, I'm sick. But I'm also strangely in love. I remember this feeling a lot from before benzos. I'm in love with all my bb's, I'm in love with my children and the neighbor who wants to take my children on an outing tomorrow. I think it's gratitude turned up a notch. And it's a good old feeling.

 

Glad you got a nap. Glad you're here. You're one of my faves.

Peace2