12-18 month support

[[...]]

There is so much good news on here and about time. It gives me hope as,  if I'm honest, things have been so bad for quite a while I do worry about being left behind (I know). Really high anxiety and general crapness. I've stopped the curcumin which I was taking 3 times a day and I'm wondering if I may have a slight wd to that. I'm done with supplements. Time is the healer.

 

My anxiety is better than it was yesterday. Head just fuzzy and achey. A walk is needed.

 

Hope this doesn't bring anyone down as you all are doing so well 

[[dr...]]

Marj...did you stop yesterday?  It will take time for your system to settle down. A few days at least.  I stopped my supp and I had a terrible rebound headache last night.  Lying in bed now and it's not here. Fingers crossed for me that it stays that way today and crossed for you that you settle down asap.

[[Co...]]

Good morning Nova, ....enjoy your walk. You have no idea how happy I am that you are feeling the healing . I am so excited to see people feeling better, and your dear friend, greatly deserve it ! ....I am still holding at 80-85% and so grateful for it . Some mild sx randomly cycling through  but very manageable . ...My sleep is getting better. It's 645 here and I am still in bed listening to the news.  pretty unheard of for me, but the dog is giving me a judgemental look so it's up and out for me. ....Wishing you the very best day. Love to you dear friend.    coop

[[Co...]]

Marj.  I hope you notice some improvement after dropping the supp. I tried so many different supps, homeopathic and vitamins in months 6- 10....none of them helped me and some made things worse....I did much better leaving my system alone. I did take a very low dose beta blocker for big bp spikes for 3 months and it did help and was very easy to titrate off of over about a week.

...You are in a long tough wave, but you are going to emerge from it Marj.....You are so right time is our best healer. In hindsight it is obvious to me that the 3 things that got me through were /are, time, BB friends on this thread ( support and encouragement) and distraction....

.....You are healing, it just feels awful....Wishing you a better day...  .coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, glad that your headache is gone....I so hope you get a break here....thinking of you....have a better day friend....coop

[[Co...]]

Out to take the dog on a trot....Wishing everyone sunbreaks and windows and a better day today..  coop

[[No...]]

Marj ... nobody gets left behind ... and we know that the remedy is time ...

 

And this process is so jammed packed with confusion, thinking we finally have things figured out, discouragement, some elation, exhaustion and some energy ... round and round it goes ... for all of us ... a rollercoaster on steroids as one Buddy put it many months ago ...

 

And ... the process is quite simple ... get off the drug ... stay off the drug ... and heal ... and it can be a quick process for some, take a while for others, and take a little longer for some others ...

 

And ... as far as anyone knows ... it does not matter who you are, where you live, what you have done, how long you took the drug(s), what drug(s) you took ... it is what most call an utter crap shoot ...

 

You are doing well, things will improve ... we just keep going day after day ...

 

Take care, my friend ... 

 

 

[[dr...]]

Okay...morning very good so far...I have been working at my desk for a few hours, got out to post office to mail wedding invites(which can be a bad walk of death for me), even strolled over to a big boss' office to shoot the breeze.  I was totally not in my head and had a twenty minute conversation.  He happened to mention his sleep was crap and he was going to the doc.  I gave him a warning about any benzo or derivitive.  He knows a bit of what I am going through and he was so thankful of my warning.  He believes me because he knows I am not a preaching pollyanna who hasn't experienced life.  After about twenty min my brain started to fry and my head got wonky so I moved on.  Not bad at all making it that long.  Two days ago I couldn't even walk from my desk let alone have a conversation on the phone. 

 

I know I am not out of the woods and I can get hit hard at any moment but I do feel my "normal" baseline of 65% or so is returning.  I can feel an undercurrent of morning yucks, anxiety, palps, moments of bad thoughts, etc...but they are not truly ruining my day.  i am mostly functional and these were the same symptoms I had a year ago that were so much more intense.   

 

[[Co...]]

Drew, you sound really good this morning....so happy to hear it..  and that does sound like a good return to an improved baseline.  "The walk of death".  Lol....I remember I had that same feeling every morning when I had to take my dog out with head sx and dizziness. 

........hope your day continues to hold up......coop

[[dr...]]

Coop...I can find I can do things that really stimulate my brain(such as chatting with my boss in his office for 20 minn, prforming, dining out) and then my brain fries and I need to rest it.  I am at my desk now and have felt off with a bit of scalp pain but I know it will recede.  the days I am not able to get breaks from constant stimuli are the days I get in trouble.  I know the time I can spend in an environment will get better.  This is a very common symptom and I am okay with it if I don't have a day chock full of stuff.

[[Gr...]]

Did not look back at posts due to my 12 hour day at work and then at my children's school. But there's this: I had an awful wave for around five days. The pit of despair and I guess it lifted. And today I had the best day I've had in a long time, still weird in the head. But I could multitask and problem solve on the spot. It was amazing. So, I've never understood when people say a wave is followed by a better baseline. But maybe that's the case. I would love this to be my new baseline, can even imagine making one of Coops deals, " if it would just stay like THIS, I'd take it." But truthfully, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, that's how it goes, you get a great day like that, and one day it never goes away.  You are getting so close now.  I'm so happy for you.  Getting my mental stuff back was like Christmas¹⁰.  There's nothing like it, especially when you thought you'd never see it again.  So happy for you.

[[Gr...]]

There is so much good news on here and about time. It gives me hope as,  if I'm honest, things have been so bad for quite a while I do worry about being left behind (I know). Really high anxiety and general crapness. I've stopped the curcumin which I was taking 3 times a day and I'm wondering if I may have a slight wd to that. I'm done with supplements. Time is the healer.

 

My anxiety is better than it was yesterday. Head just fuzzy and achey. A walk is needed.

 

Hope this doesn't bring anyone down as you all are doing so well 

 

Marj, as long as I've been doing this, as far out as I am, with all of the healing I've done, basically evidence to the contrary, the fear always drops in and whispers, "You will be the one not to heal," or to take 5 years.  It doesn't matter how many times I go through it and come out on the other end, the fear hits me new every time.  I swear the fear has to be the result of some kind of neurochemical thing that comes with waves, because I'm not able to remember that symptoms mean healing until I come out of it.  But they really do.  That's hard to appreciate when you're suffering, but it's the truth.  You sound good.  things are going to get much better very soon

[[Gr...]]

Thanks for the words of encouragement folks. It's reassuring to hear 15-18 mo can be tough. It sucks but it is what it is. All I can do is wait I guess. It's so frustrating to feel like you're back at square one. Take care.

 

W, never assume things will be bad.  Take each day at it comes.  We've had people just go ahead and heal before 18 months.  That's why they're not here anymore.  There's no way to tell, you could heal any time.

[[Gr...]]

Marj ... nobody gets left behind ... and we know that the remedy is time ...

 

And this process is so jammed packed with confusion, thinking we finally have things figured out, discouragement, some elation, exhaustion and some energy ... round and round it goes ... for all of us ... a rollercoaster on steroids as one Buddy put it many months ago ...

 

And ... the process is quite simple ... get off the drug ... stay off the drug ... and heal ... and it can be a quick process for some, take a while for others, and take a little longer for some others ...

 

And ... as far as anyone knows ... it does not matter who you are, where you live, what you have done, how long you took the drug(s), what drug(s) you took ... it is what most call an utter crap shoot ...

 

You are doing well, things will improve ... we just keep going day after day ...

 

Take care, my friend ... 

 

Thank you, Nova, that is so reassuring.  So glad you're getting out for that walk today.

[[BJ...]]

Hey, Buddies.

 

Just to show that not all symptoms are withdrawal-related....

 

Two ENT docs have recommended me for surgery this past week to reduce my turbinates and get my septum straightened out.  Kind of blows me away.  Also considering a balloon sinuplasty along with it to open everything up.  For two years I've been attributing the head pressure to benzos but in reality there is serious inflammation going on in my head.  I've tried pretty much every spray and drug that's out there to no avail. 

 

If not for all this head crap along with the accompanying anxiety, I imagine I'd feel fairly decent.  One could hope if I can get this resolved in October.

[[Gr...]]

Okay...morning very good so far...I have been working at my desk for a few hours, got out to post office to mail wedding invites(which can be a bad walk of death for me), even strolled over to a big boss' office to shoot the breeze.  I was totally not in my head and had a twenty minute conversation.  He happened to mention his sleep was crap and he was going to the doc.  I gave him a warning about any benzo or derivitive.  He knows a bit of what I am going through and he was so thankful of my warning.  He believes me because he knows I am not a preaching pollyanna who hasn't experienced life.  After about twenty min my brain started to fry and my head got wonky so I moved on.  Not bad at all making it that long.  Two days ago I couldn't even walk from my desk let alone have a conversation on the phone. 

 

I know I am not out of the woods and I can get hit hard at any moment but I do feel my "normal" baseline of 65% or so is returning.  I can feel an undercurrent of morning yucks, anxiety, palps, moments of bad thoughts, etc...but they are not truly ruining my day.  i am mostly functional and these were the same symptoms I had a year ago that were so much more intense.   

 

 

Drew, remember that whatever difficulties you might have now are signs of healing.  Everybody gets so rattled in the second year because it sometimes feels like we're getting worse instead of better.  Jenny, HH had said that.  And I'm saying it.  Remember, when you feel better and worse at the same time, if things get hairy, it's a sign of the great healing that is coming.  At this point, when I can still feel mild vibrations and palps, I can actually imagine my brain and CNS fine tuning, like a computer doing a diagnostic program.  The plasticity of the brain, the way it can heal itself, is a miracle of nature.  Hang on, getting there.

[[No...]]

Green ... I was out for most of the morning ... just meandering around ... doing a couple of errands ... lovely, moderate, late summer morning ...

 

Gonna turn hot again for a few days so thought I would enjoy this morning ...

 

Hope you have a pleasant weekend ...

[[No...]]

BJ ... that is encouraging news for you ... I hope everything comes out fine ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[dr...]]

Hey, Buddies.

 

Just to show that not all symptoms are withdrawal-related....

 

Two ENT docs have recommended me for surgery this past week to reduce my turbinates and get my septum straightened out.  Kind of blows me away.  Also considering a balloon sinuplasty along with it to open everything up.  For two years I've been attributing the head pressure to benzos but in reality there is serious inflammation going on in my head.  I've tried pretty much every spray and drug that's out there to no avail. 

 

If not for all this head crap along with the accompanying anxiety, I imagine I'd feel fairly decent.  One could hope if I can get this resolved in October.

 

BJ-not to rain on your parade or say that's not the case but I had the severely swollen things you mentioned too while in a wave and each recurrent time.  The doc  recommended all this stuff but I declined.  It all went away.  I AM NOT SAYIN THIS IS THE CASE FOR YOU but just something to keep in mind.  I did have my septum straightened out many years ago and that surgery done too though   It won't harm you and you will breath better regardless. 

[[Co...]]

Drew, that's how it was for me as well. I went from not being able to talk to people without deep d/r and anxiety ...in month 17 it started just going away for short periods of time but would come and go. I couldn't talk for more than 5-10 minutes and if it was the cable company, my rental complex, the stinkin cell phone server etc....anything even slightly stressful I simply could not think straight, make sense out of what I wanted to say, got dizzy, cog fogged and anxiety with frustration. It just gradually got better and better. Now in month 22 it's really infrequent and less intense when it does show up. Last week I looked at at least 6 condo complexes, talked money and square footage details, compared floor plans and environments, negotiated options with my ex and created a spread sheet. I couldn't have done 1/10th of that even 5 weeks ago. I had a friend over for lunch yesterday and we had one of those deep good friend 3 hour conversation...after I made lunch for us. I will admit that I am tired today and a little slow mo....

....I really think....just imo....it's important not to try to go full throttle when you start feeling things coming back.

I still had to back off when my body or head started sending even subtle cues that things were starting to get stressful. That doesn't mean we will never be able to handle stress, for me it just means that things are coming back gradually, but steadily following a clear and definite kind of sudden shift to a better baseline about a month ago. I think it's like when you break your arm and wear a cast while it heals, the cast comes off when the healing is complete, but it takes some time to get the use back...of a fully healed arm

......Drew, even though you are going to start feeling better soon, I think you are smart to take a break from some of the stress, good and bad until you feel more consistent and reliable on your baseline....

.....20 minute conversation and "death walk" after the week that you had is really good news..  I am so rooting for you.....

      coop

[[Co...]]

Bjames....wow..  that sounds like a lot going on. I hope this isn't too blunt..  but I would defiantly get a second opinion just to be sure.  And if you go with it I hope it brings you huge relief. I agree with you. ...not everything is w/d and it's goid to have things checked out.    Onward....Wishing you some sunbreaks...  coop

[[dr...]]

Hey coop...I couldn't agree more.  I don't mind taking the next three months off from performing.  I am definitely measured on what I do when I feel good.  Sometimes I want to dine out or go to a movie I resist and just say "this is how it is for me right now.  It is always getting better and I'll be living life fully and better soon enough"....don't get me wrong sometimes I push it.  I have started not even to schedule appts with clients unless absolutely necessary.  I have been doing phone reviews which still can be hard.  enough of this BS about me "facing my fears" etc...I am done listening to my therapist.  I KNOW what is wrong with me.  I am not afraid or fearful of any of it.  My brain just can't handle it right now.  This last incident with the migraine supp and several people saying it's all in my head and won't believe otherwise has refocused me to not listen to anyone.  it is very difficult to do when you are so lost at times :smitten: 

[[No...]]

Drew ... "My brain just can't handle it right now." ... yep ... quite simple really ...

 

I kept poking at the edges of conversations and doing things ... gradually I did not have to poke anymore ... now I know when I reach an edge and slow down for a while ... and you are right, this is temporary ... a sometimes nuisance, but temporary ...

[[BJ...]]

Bjames....wow..  that sounds like a lot going on. I hope this isn't too blunt..  but I would defiantly get a second opinion just to be sure.  And if you go with it I hope it brings you huge relief. I agree with you. ...not everything is w/d and it's goid to have things checked out.    Onward....Wishing you some sunbreaks...  coop

 

I agree.  I've got two opinions already pretty much saying the same thing.  Actually am getting a third opinion through a Cleveland Clinic consultation to be absolutely sure.  In reality I've been dealing with chronic issues pre-benzos for many years but things have gotten pretty bad the last two years.  The docs can't even get an endoscope up my right side anymore.  I would love for this to go away as a withdrawal symptom but don't think it is at this point.  Appreciate the well wishes. 

[[Co...]]

Bjames....wow..  that sounds like a lot going on. I hope this isn't too blunt..  but I would defiantly get a second opinion just to be sure.  And if you go with it I hope it brings you huge relief. I agree with you. ...not everything is w/d and it's goid to have things checked out.    Onward....Wishing you some sunbreaks...  coop

.  Bjames..  lol.  Not * defiantly*....autocorrect is aggressive this morning... being Friday and all, she has had enough of correcting the world's bad spelling. I meant to type in " definitely. .