12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Green ... well ... weird little place we find ourselves in ... just have to let some more time pass, I guess ...

I have sort of reconciled myself to shopping for food, cooking, cleaning, some rug stuff, and walking ...

 

I am also gradually working on some stuff for the Fall ... don't know if I will "action" it or not this Fall, but it is giving me a sense of doing something at least ...

 

Yes, Nova, more time.  I got ahead of myself.  I guess maybe smaller goals for the Fall.

[[An...]]

Hi, can I join this thread? I am 366 days out today & realizing I'll be in this much longer than a year. I've never joined any of the individual support groups so I'm not sure how this works? Is it ok if I am posting here? Thank you.

 

 

Welcome Angel, jump on board. Safety in numbers 

 

Thank you so much and I love that saying 

[[An...]]

Angelprint and Puglover ... everyone is welcome here ... some of us have been around for a while ... a few of us have even been together for over a year and a half ...

 

Some have healed and moved on ... some are still waiting ...

 

Feel free to join in ... 

 

Thank you so much 

[[Pu...]]

Boy...I'm hogging the thread today. 

 

I may bow out of performing for the fall run.  I've continued to perform for the last three years but I'm torn now.  Baylissa and my therapist both said good and bad stress are not my friend at this point and limiting wherever you can is smart.  On the other hand, I feel like my world is getting smaller and smaller.  My therapist says it is for now but it's not permanent.  Hmmmm....I really want to be as well as possible for three months when I have my wedding.  So many unpleasant choices I have to make.

 

Deep breaths, my friend. What I'm learning through this process is that we tend to worry about future things. Yet, we do them. We get through it. We prevail on the other side.

 

You can do this!

[[dr...]]

I decided to pass on performing for this year. I'm okay with it.  It was more of a burden at this point.  I can return any time I'd like as there's an open spot for me.  I'm a founding member of the theater company.

 

On another note...I took the migraine prevention minus the mag at dinner.  Like clockwork for the last week I'm getting hit w palps/breathlessness thirty min later. As I look back to my tracking I'm getting hit thirty min later after my morning dose too.  I'm going without supps tomorrow to see if it makes a difference.  I need to stop the migraines but I may be caught between a rock and hard place. I

 

I also very rarely get hit at night and I've been getting hit hard all week.  So either my symptoms shifted really dramatically or it's the "harmless" supp I introduced.  I will know soon enough.  Regardless, the Drs will say it's all in my head if it turns out to be supps.

 

Okay...I have not looked up any side effects of the supps I was taking because I didn't want to predispose my anxious brain to the power of suggestion...all had really minimal listings except for feverfew which lists nervousness.  Let's see what happens tomorrow.

[[Ko...]]

Marj,

 

I have serious burning and stinging in my lower legs and feet.  Many people on BB have this symptom some place on their body. Some have burning and stinging in their mouth or vagina.  I can't imagine that. Wherever it is it's a tough symptom because it's painful and keeps me from sleeping. This round of about 2 weeks has lasted 24/7 without much letup.  I use ice on my legs or a cold shower spray. It helps but only temporary.  I also found some fantastic ice socks in the Foot Smart Catalog. They come with ice packs built in on the bottom and top.  They work great. I use them at least 3 times a day. My feet start stinging and burning and the ice socks take it away for at least an hour.  I also take Advil & Lyrica neither of which help the stinging, but do help the other body pains.

 

I'm sorry you're are going through this. It's horrible. All we can do is take it one day at a time and hopefully we'll wake up and the stinging will be gone. This too will pass as they say. Wish it would hurry up.

 

PM me anytime.

[[Ko...]]

Green,

 

I feel exactly like you. I'm angry and not dealing with this very well. I too forgot about the acceptance rule.  I'm trying to get back to that mentality, but it's so damn hard. We're supposed to be better, damn it. Enough of my rant. 

 

My pain is getting to me, so I'm going to try MJ edibles. Supposed to help you sleep and help with the pain. I'm in CA so it's legal here with a prescription. I have a friend that can get it for me. According to other BBs it doesn't interfere with the Gabba neurotransmitters, so should be safe.

 

I hope you swim out of this wave real soon and can get back to doing theater & bike rides.

 

Korbe

[[dr...]]

I would recommend smoke over edibles.  A strain called cannatonic sold here in ca is very high CBD and low thc.  Smoking is much more controlled and forgiving than the edibles. Trust me!

[[Co...]]

Drew, ...I didn't want to say anything about the mag because if you decided to stay with it I didn't want to give any more legs to your medication anxiety.....but....I think you know your body better than anyone....if you feel that the mag is spiking your sx....trust yourself. I remember a few months back you were trying a 3 ingredient migraine remedy ( is it the same one?) and you felt that one of the components made things worse. ...If you feel that you get side effects 30 minutes after you take the mag..  trust that. ....I took mag. somewhere early in my w/d....a mag/calcium supplement and it gave me palps. I kept thinking that it was just my imagination because " what could be safer than a natural supplement"? ... but when I dropped it my palps calmed down. Who knows, they might have gone away anyway....I for one don't think "it's in your head"......I have had the best luck not taking anything supplemental because I don't think the ones I tried helped and a couple of them ( Calms Fort and passion flower) increased my anxiety. At least when I wasn't taking anything I didn't have to wonder every day if my sx were caused by supplements..  On the other hand many buddies say that certain supplements have helped them...it's all such a crap shoot..    and I think if I had the headaches and migraines I also would be desperate to find something to relieve them. . I personally think you are doing the right thing to drop it for awhile and see what happens. 

  .. Man, I am so sorry you are going through this.  Wishing you some peace and rest.  coop

[[Ko...]]

I would recommend smoke over edibles.  A strain called cannatonic sold here in ca is very high CBD and low thc.  Smoking is much more controlled and forgiving than the edibles. Trust me!

 

 

 

 

 

Drew, thanks for the info. I know nothing about this. I didn't want to smoke because I quit cigs 6 months ago and didn't want to mess with that.  Why is smoking more controlled than edibles? Please give me more info. Thanks, Kirbe

[[Co...]]

Green ... well ... weird little place we find ourselves in ... just have to let some more time pass, I guess ...

 

I have sort of reconciled myself to shopping for food, cooking, cleaning, some rug stuff, and walking ...

 

I am also gradually working on some stuff for the Fall ... don't know if I will "action" it or not this Fall, but it is giving me a sense of doing something at least ...

 

.....Nova, that's pretty much where I am too....managing to maintain an easy going routine and adding a few open ended low key no pressure outings. Shopping, now going for lunch or coffee, puttering around the house, walking the dog , doing odds and ends with my daughter. I can push myself a little, but it takes effort that leaves me fatigued when I do. ...I get bored sometimes ......but as you say, clear.....on the slow track, but getting there.....Wishing you good sleep..  coop

[[Co...]]

I read everybody's posts, and I want to tell you all how dear you are to me, every one of you.  I really am getting better, I feel it, but I'm in some kind of funk I can't shake off, for now anyway.  As I read, I was remembering how bad I felt when I was at 15, 16, 17, 18, even 19 and 20.  and I feel way better than I did.  I have myself back, which is a huge gift of healing. 

Whenever I lose gratitude and acceptance, I get my ass kicked.  It's happened so many times during this journey.  It happens when I have a date certain in my head, that I'm going to be better by so and so.  And then the ensuing struggle.  I remember the first success story I read that stressed, you're going to heal when you're going to heal, nothing will change that, it's on your body's timeline, and you can make it that much harder for yourself if you struggle and fight in that process.  That was the best advice I ever read on this site.  I took heed and accepted and made the best of my life during this process, and as hard as things got, it was the best way to go. 

For now, I have misplaced my acceptance, I'm struggling, frustrated with the time my body is taking to heal, and as a result I'm making things much harder for myself than they need to be, I think.

I'm so grateful to all of you, to this thread.  No one but you ppl here understand this. Dang, are we ever the most mizundastood people on the planet!

 

Have the best day possible, everyone.

P.S.  I have a phone conference with Baylissa tonight, 6 p.m. EST.  I'll let ya know what happens.  I need a damned flashlight on this leg of the trip!

 

.....Green, I am so grateful for you too. ...I think it is frustrating to have our minds back..  and our spirits are starting to wake up again to all the things we want to do.....and finally our minds are humming .....and our bodies won't let it happen. It's like stinkin' middle management holding up the vision and mission of the whole damn program.. Sorry about the bike trip...but I know if a bike trip is something you want to do....eventually you will do it. .....can't wait to hear what you have to say about Baylissa.... So very glad you are here with us..  coop

[[Co...]]

Korbe, ....you have my heart. I hate it that you are having so much pain. I remember when Beulah suffered with burning painful legs...I hope it lets up for you....Glad to see you here tonight, although I wish you felt a lot better.

......Wishing you some better days. .right away.  coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, don't they make lollipops that give you slow ingestion where you are not just getting a chunk of MJ all at once. One of the ladies I met in cancer counseling used to recommend them for the pts on chemo.....she liked the results....

 

      Goodnight all....Wishing everyone a better day tomorrow.  coop

[[dr...]]

I would recommend smoke over edibles.  A strain called cannatonic sold here in ca is very high CBD and low thc.  Smoking is much more controlled and forgiving than the edibles. Trust me!

 

 

 

 

 

Drew, thanks for the info. I know nothing about this. I didn't want to smoke because I quit cigs 6 months ago and didn't want to mess with that.  Why is smoking more controlled than edibles? Please give me more info. Thanks, Kirbe

 

Edibles are very hard to know the dosing.  The butter(active ingredient) in edibles can all be in one corner of your edible or even everywhere.  No way to know. They also can take two hours to kick in and once they do it can last six hours. Very unforgiving    Smoking you can take a few tokes/puffs and it will hit you within five minutes. Also, smoking only lasts an hour or two before fading gently.  You can use a vaporizer if your worried about your lungs but you won't be smoking that much.

 

Coop-anything you ingest orally will have the same problems. Some sublingual work slightly quicker than pure edibles.

 

 

Coop-not sure if you saw but it is the same supplement and one of the ingredients is feverfew.  Known side effects are anxiety, heart palps, and sleeplessness. Also mentions it effects serotonin to help w migraines.  Bingo!  Not saying I won't be in a wave but this can't help. My panic attack today was so out of the realm of my normal I know it was something adding to it. I'm at least proud I didn't end up in the ER.

 

I am at a loss about what to do about headaches though. This sucks.

 

 

 

[[...]]

Hey guys I don't post here much but I do read this thread almost daily. Keeps me going on some pretty tough days.  I relate to a lot of stuff that you guys go through on a daily basis but like all of you I am determined to wait this out and get out of benzo hell.  Just wanted to mention that I spoke with Baylissa last night after setting up a phone consultation on her website.  I know that not everyone has the funds to do this or may not feel they will get much out of it but I sure did.  Just nice to talk to someone with this much experience and knowledge of others who have gone through benzo hell and recovered.  She had some good advice on somethings I am doing well and some things I am not doing so well.  Really need to get off the last bit of gabapentin I am on (300mg per day) but she assured me that I should do this at my own timing and at a slow pace. Assured me that most say gabapentin withdrawal is not so bad after going through benzo withdrawal. Reinforced that all the crazy stuff that goes on is not just me but benzo related and that it will continue to get better.  Let me know that even after I feel I am healed I will continue to see more healing even though I don't realize it is going on.  Just part of the process and she sees it all the time with thousands of others that have gone through this.  Just wanted to let you know that something like this is available if you want to talk on the phone to her.  Just need to go to her website and schedule a time.  We talked for 50 minutes and it seemed to fly by.  Good luck to everyone and hang in there!

 

Hey Martin

Ref Baylissa I couldn't agree with you more. I began phone consults w/her 8-9 months ago. Like most of us I see my pdoc once a month for my 20 min pep talk as well as my psychologist couple times a month. I used to se both these guys most times twice a week. That means it was not unusual to be seeing a dr 3-4 times a week , a year or so ago. Not to mention what these two guys charge per visit. I did get great support from these guys and am fortunate they have helped many before me suffering from the same plight.

 

Talking with Baylissa is just so different. I can't explain it. There's a feeling of trust,compassion,knowledge,reassurance of a genuinely caring person thats actually calming and inspires confidence (which we lack big time)in ourselves.

I feel a chat with her is well worth it for those of us that can use a boost. Her fee as well is extremely reasonable , 1/2 the amount of my therapist. She's been a blessing for many.

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Green ... well ... weird little place we find ourselves in ... just have to let some more time pass, I guess ...

 

I have sort of reconciled myself to shopping for food, cooking, cleaning, some rug stuff, and walking ...

 

I am also gradually working on some stuff for the Fall ... don't know if I will "action" it or not this Fall, but it is giving me a sense of doing something at least ...

 

.....Nova, that's pretty much where I am too....managing to maintain an easy going routine and adding a few open ended low key no pressure outings. Shopping, now going for lunch or coffee, puttering around the house, walking the dog , doing odds and ends with my daughter. I can push myself a little, but it takes effort that leaves me fatigued when I do. ...I get bored sometimes ......but as you say, clear.....on the slow track, but getting there.....Wishing you good sleep..  coop

 

Coop ... yes, that's where I find myself ... and the return of mild sleep disruption ... up at 3 AM again ... broken sleep, awake every hour or so ...

 

The nice thing right now is no anxiety/panic events ...

 

Just have to keep remembering this isn't a Maze ... this is the Labyrinth ...

 

Hope you get a good rest ... 

[[dr...]]

Hi nova...I woke up after two hours w heart palps.  Just chilling in bed.  Glad you have no anxiety.  I feel a bit foolish sending my email about taking the performing off and I now am positive the supp is making this worse.  Everyone write really nice supportive things.  Hmmm...maybe I'll take a few off and then come back.  This experience mocks me every time. 

[[Sk...]]

Woke up unable to breathe, very scary.

 

I have not had that since the dark days of tolerance.

 

I tried to do my breathing exercises, but it just wasn't possible to do them.

 

It's because today is my last day here and tomorrow we have a very hard day, I knew something had to happen.

 

What really scares me, is the fact I will not be having Internet for a couple of days.

 

Of course, my faithful friends, vibrations and palps are always by my side ! 

 

Oh, well, let' s see how the day pans out.

 

Is breathing really  that important ? 

[[No...]]

Drew ... this experience seems to "mock" many of us ...

 

What you have to look forward to, if it isn't already there for you, is the clarity ... and the departing of much of the anxiety around confusion and doubt ...

 

The storms may still put in an appearance from time to time ... but I have found they cease to feel like "this is me forever" ... they become "just storms" ...

 

A long time ago, folks here talked about "weathering" ... it seems to me that is mostly what we do ...

 

Hope you get back to sleep ... 

[[dr...]]

Sky-sorry your having problems.  I hope the day gets better for you.

 

Goodnight nova.

[[No...]]

Sky ... yes ... breathing is often necessary ... and when we struggle with it ... well ... that is really hard ...

 

You have climbed to the top of the "moving" mountain ... it should be mostly down hill from here ...

 

I moved during my taper ... couldn't drive, could barely walk sometimes ... drove myself nuts with trying to be "organized" ... and it all passed ... and I (we) truly like where we are now ... space ... comfort ... ease ...

 

See you in a couple of days ... you are in our thoughts ... 

[[Sk...]]

Drew just read some of your posts about Magnesium.

 

" just in your head " is ridiculous, our head is where the damage is, you know what I mean ?

 

Trust your instincts, but without overthinking it perhaps.

[[Sk...]]

Sky ... yes ... breathing is often necessary ... and when we struggle with it ... well ... that is really hard ...

 

You have climbed to the top of the "moving" mountain ... it should be mostly down hill from here ...

 

I moved during my taper ... couldn't drive, could barely walk sometimes ... drove myself nuts with trying to be "organized" ... and it all passed ... and I (we) truly like where we are now ... space ... comfort ... ease ...

 

See you in a couple of days ... you are in our thoughts ... 

 

Thanks Nova.

 

I don't know how you did it, to move during your taper.

 

I hate feeling so ineffectual.

 

I am distracting with some puttering on my computer, it's really helping.

 

But the idea of not Internet scares me a little.

 

the time to take a digital sabbatical is not in wd.

 

I never want to be addicted to anything, but I guess I am to internet.

[[No...]]

Sky ... seems you are not going on sabbatical ... you are just moving down the road a piece ...

 

And ... there is always the possibility of an internet café if the "withdrawal" gets too goofy ...

 

Gelato and the internet ... and maybe a sweet, warm pastry to soothe the passage ...