12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Hi Coop ... hope things are staying good for you ...

 

I had a regular sort of so-so day ... just waiting to get out of limbo ... 

 

.....Hi Nova.  Yep, me too....a very good 'normal' day.  Not a great window or Effortless Mind day.  but blessedly normal with a little fatigue and a chance of moderate transient anxiety. I will take it.  So much better than even last month. I am just 'going with it'...low and slow just because that's how my mood is today. If I had to push  I would be able to. It just feels more like a lazy day as opposed to a wavy day, but I won't deny some mild sx and even 20 minutes of an anxiety attack that came .....and went. 

    "Ho Hum" still beats hair pulling anxiety.  Feels like every day life to me ...more and more.    So glad that things are going along for you too.  What's for dinner at your house? ...I am having roasted sweet potatoes ( that I don't like, but am trying to like), sautéed shitake mushrooms, and the ever present salmon. I still can't do chicken no matter how I cook it. That's ok I really don't like the idea of chicken...I am sort of most of the time vegetarian, but I love salmon...

.....Wishing you a good evening Nova.  ..coop

 

'normal'

[[dr...]]

Coop-peel the sweet potato and cut them into fries.  Mix in a bowl with olive oil, salt, n pepper.  Sometimes I add Rosemary. Put in oven at 450 and cook for about 20-25 min until brown starts appearing. Shake around pan a few times.  So much tastier than plain sweet potatoes.

 

 

My day is mostly done. I'm tired. My brain is fried and just laying in quiet.  A bit of DR after a very stressful day. I forgot to do something and I got into a big fight a my fiancé when she says she's sick of me blaming everything on withdrawal.  I accused her of being an ostrich and denying what I'm feeling.  It's not pretty but we will discuss later now that I am at least calm.  Another beautiful day in benzo land.

[[Co...]]

My mixed bag is I'm getting better, but I still have a lot going on, physical stuff, all of it.  and I'm moody as hell, as Nova notes, which I've managed to avoid all through this mess!  I had the best just survive, just keep going no matter what attitude ever.  And now I'm irritable, moody, worried this is going to go on forever, that I've healed as much as I'm going to, and this is it.  And I'm not accepting where I'm at, and that's kicking my ass.  I'm miserable, even though I mostly feel better than I have in a long time.  I don't know why.  Got a phone appointment with Baylissa, so hopefully I'll come away reassured.  I think that's what I need, reassurance.  I feel lost, like there are no sign posts this far out, no lights, and the road is unfamiliar.  I feel a little lost actually.

 

Sorry for the negative post.  I just have to post where I'm at right now, otherwise I can't post at all.

 

Feel better, all.  Korbe, you're in my prayers.

 

......Green... you can only go along so long with a positive , can do, accepting frame of mind without eventually losing your mind a little. You have had one of the most can do , this will end attitudes on this thread. For 22 crappy months. Mercy, girl, you were owed a bona fide kick and scream and curse and sob at the kitchen table temper tantrum . You were the one who played by all the rules, keep it going, don't reinstate, believe in the process.  You were the one who reminded all of us, " nobody gets left behind". While the rest of us were crying and discouraged you were there with the rock solid reassurance and faith that it would end. ......for 22 months. And you are getting hit hard this far out. ...Rant your heart out dear friend.  Your mixed bag should be getting lighter and easier to drag around.    and it will, but you are right. ...not soon enough for today , which is what you deserve. 

      I hope this was a better day for you today and I am wishing you a very good day today.....coop

[[Co...]]

Coop-peel the sweet potato and cut them into fries.  Mix in a bowl with olive oil, salt, n pepper.  Sometimes I add Rosemary. Put in oven at 450 and cook for about 20-25 min until brown starts appearing. Shake around pan a few times.  So much tastier than plain sweet potatoes.

 

 

My day is mostly done. I'm tired. My brain is fried and just laying in quiet.  A bit of DR after a very stressful day. I forgot to do something and I got into a big fight a my fiancé when she says she's sick of me blaming everything on withdrawal.  I accused her of being an ostrich and denying what I'm feeling.  It's not pretty but we will discuss later now that I am at least calm.  Another beautiful day in benzo land.

 

....

Drew....thanks for the sweet potato recipe....sounds so much better than throwing it in like a baked potato. I think your idea will help my aversion to sweet potato to as its the texture I hate. My grandmother used to make this disgusting sweet potato dish at TG.  marshmallows, brown sugar. ..goo....hope I haven't offended anyone who has this as a tradition at TG.  I am sure it's just me.  She also used to bring that horrid red jello mold with walnuts in it.      lol....

.....Sorry about your squabble with your lady....this crap just erodes our lives, leaving us to try to shore things up on a daily basis. ...Does she ever read the thread....it is clear that you are having one of the worst waves on the thread at the moment....I have to admit though at giggling a little at the visual of you calling your fiancé  an ostrich...

  ..Glad your day is over....Wishing you some rest and relief.  coop.....

[[dr...]]

She doesn't like me being on benzo buddies along w everyone else.  No one can possibly get this

[[Co...]]

Beulah...."  bad days sandwiched in between the good"....and "I know I am healing, I just can't put my finger on exactly how"  describes it exactly. ....So many of us are just hovering over the finish. I am so excited to think about where we will be by the New Year..  We are getting there....there is so much better than this time last year..  How do you make sweet potatoes?    Maybe I will not eat my 'baked ' sweet potato tonight and throw some of it in my smoothie in the morning. Blueberries and mango seems to cover up a lot of things I don't like to eat. .....Hope tomorrow is a good ....better than good day for you tomorrow....coop

[[Co...]]

MightyGirl ...just in case you are lurking....I am thinking of you and wishing you a good day tomorrow with relief from your wave....coop....

[[Co...]]

She doesn't like me being on benzo buddies along w everyone else.  No one can possibly get this

 

.....oh....that seems to be a prevelent view among families, therapists, friends, doctors etc ...you are right....nobody can possibly understand any of this unless they have been though it. ....I love it that you are here . .Your posts help all of us. . to say nothing of your recipes.. ...hope it blows over soon....I am sure it will. My family resorts sometimes to begging me to " get back on my anxiety medication..". They have a litany of arguments about how it would improve my 'quality of life'...and be for my own good. I know they really do think it's that simple, and for the most part they support my efforts  ...but they get sick of it too....onward.....coop

[[pe...]]

Thanks, coop. Glad to hear you're getting some good days.

 

My head is wrapped back around the mmigraine drug that kicked this off for me. Found a lot of bb stories that actually started after that drug was given for migraines or nausea. I feel like I have seen benzo healing but I'm scared about what's left. Is it benzo? Is it reglan? Is it forever? I made an appointment to see the neurologist. I'm not sure what she can do, reassurance? She was one if the doctors who told me to stay off meds and wait it out. That was over a year ago and I want to tell her I'm still waiting.

 

I'm just so tired. So..... Bath time.

 

Peace2

[[pe...]]

Green-

Ditto everything coop said. She just says it better than I ever could! You've been amazing through this whole thing. Hearing all of our rants. So let us hear yours.

 

Love,

Peace

[[Co...]]

Thanks, coop. Glad to hear you're getting some good days.

 

My head is wrapped back around the mmigraine drug that kicked this off for me. Found a lot of bb stories that actually started after that drug was given for migraines or nausea. I feel like I have seen benzo healing but I'm scared about what's left. Is it benzo? Is it reglan? Is it forever? I made an appointment to see the neurologist. I'm not sure what she can do, reassurance? She was one if the doctors who told me to stay off meds and wait it out. That was over a year ago and I want to tell her I'm still waiting.

 

I'm just so tired. So..... Bath time.

 

Peace2

 

......love to you MightyGirl.....do whatever you need to do to be reassured...or more informed....or re-informed....whatever it takes....no matter what anyone says. ....There is only one goal in all of this....get off the benzos.....and you did that....everything else is individual.....coop

[[...]]

Hi all...I actually have some really big news to report although I hope I am not jinxing myself....I am in a bear of a wave and I just realized something this morning.  I thought the breathing issues were a new thing but they were always a a component of my "glutamate storms" I get in my waves.  Where everything goes wonky a few times a day.  Well...these are my typical glutamate storms but the big difference is my cognitive stuff and brain is just slightly affected.  Where last wave I could barely think.  I am clear headed while they are occurring and my chemical anxiety and fear level is much much less. 

Hard to explain but a major symptom has seemed to drop off...so excited as I've read in baylissa's book this is what happened to her.  :smitten:

 

It's crazy I feel crappy but I am happy as hell.

 

.....Drew, when my clarity started to become reliable during anxiety things began to shift towards less overall anxiety and a better sense of healing. I think Green said the same thing, once her mind came back consistently things got better in spite of sx and some wavy days. It seems like being able keep a clear head goes a long way in tolerating and enduring remaining sx and wavy days. ....You are getting there...So glad to read your post.  This tsunami wave that have been under is going to roll out.....and I will be doing a happy dance for you...

.......glutamate storms be gone!..  ..coop

 

 

This is interesting to me and I realize I am not there yet as the least amount of stress thrashes my head and and sends my nervous system into a frenzy.

 

This wave for me is so intense with not much relief. I'm just hoping healing is taking place as everyone going through this knows, when it's this bad you feel like it's permanent. My symptoms have a lot of burning sensations now. Has anyone else had this? Through the night my muscles were just hot tingling. This morning really thought that this is going to destroy me. It hasn't though and I'm at work just surviving. We can't do anything but be patient and wait it out.

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Thanks, coop. Glad to hear you're getting some good days.

 

My head is wrapped back around the mmigraine drug that kicked this off for me. Found a lot of bb stories that actually started after that drug was given for migraines or nausea. I feel like I have seen benzo healing but I'm scared about what's left. Is it benzo? Is it reglan? Is it forever? I made an appointment to see the neurologist. I'm not sure what she can do, reassurance? She was one if the doctors who told me to stay off meds and wait it out. That was over a year ago and I want to tell her I'm still waiting.

 

I'm just so tired. So..... Bath time.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, I think it's a great idea to see your neurologist.

 

Last time you went, she gave you great feedback and an interesting assessment.

 

Could you post here if she says anything interesting ?

 

I would love to hear about it. 

[[be...]]

Beulah...."  bad days sandwiched in between the good"....and "I know I am healing, I just can't put my finger on exactly how"  describes it exactly. ....So many of us are just hovering over the finish. I am so excited to think about where we will be by the New Year..  We are getting there....there is so much better than this time last year..  How do you make sweet potatoes?    Maybe I will not eat my 'baked ' sweet potato tonight and throw some of it in my smoothie in the morning. Blueberries and mango seems to cover up a lot of things I don't like to eat. .....Hope tomorrow is a good ....better than good day for you tomorrow....coop

 

Yes, I think we are all feeling better than last year at this time.

I cook sweet potatoes different ways, I mostly bake them in the oven like a baked potatoes and put butter and brown sugar on them. Or I peel them and cube them up with other veggies and simmer them till done..add a little butter, salt and pepper. I don't like sweet potato fries but my husband does.

 

I'm like you, hope when I'm healed I never have to look at another chicken. I'm so sick of salmon I can't even look at anymore. I was cooking it and eating a little everyday for lunch..no more.

 

I have to watch the food network to get ideas on food to cook..then I modify them to withdrawal friendly. Soup weather is coming up and I love soups, practically lived on soup last year.

I got plenty of cabbage from the farmers market, we cut it up and put in freezer bags in our daughters freezer. I will be making cabbage, fennel, and potato soup this weekend.

 

Just think..the day will come when we will have our appetite back and eat whatever we want..when we want.

Today I'm making chef salad and egg salad sandwiches. Was going to make a pork loin roast but my taste buds said no..lol...this stuff drives my husband crazy...bless his heart..he went to bed thinking he was going to have a nice pot roast today.

 

Hey Nova, if you're reading this, what are you cooking these days?

[[Sk...]]

Marj, you are one tough cookie !

 

I don't get that tingling and burning sensation, so I really can't say anything about it.

 

It sounds awful and quite scary.

 

It's true that  anxiety does wreck havocs on every single thing.

 

For me, it's not only painful, it also shuts my brain down and keeps me from doing anything, even access my coping tools.

 

Today, I had to go to the p ost office to withdraw some money. Mr SKy told me a zillion times how much I had to take, but when I got to the till, my brain went blank.

I can't remember my security numbers for my cards so I do this very dangerous thing of keeping a visiting card in my walled, together with my  cashcards, with all the numbers written there. Mr Sky, camouflages the numbers with others.

BUt, when I had to get the number I needed, of course I forgot that, and kept adding the whole numbers.

 

I just had to call mr Sky, get him to come over and help me out.

 

I know it sounds silly but it's a blow to my self esteem, this not being able to function completely by myself, my brain just can't do it.

 

It will come back, but I am sure, if I had not been anxious, I would have been able to do it much better.

 

HOpe this story makes sense.

 

From what I read, not many others here, have this level of cognitive impairment.

 

My mind is in a good place, my brain maybe not so good yet.

 

I have this anguish over the move, this sense of doom, usually when i am sleeping.

 

But, when I get engrossed in  things, I feel quite well.

 

I have gotten so used to vibrations and palps, they're still there, I am just not paying them any heed.

 

UNpleasant ? Yes, of course they are.

 

But wd gets you used to a daily amount of suffering and you give it for granted at some point.

 

Acceptance or resignation ? Whatever works, right ?

 

But I get so many intrusives, arrgh !

 

Ok, I have to go, I have to pretend I am helping out and then, I have two lessons.

 

Heal away, everyone. 

[[pe...]]

Thanks, coop. Glad to hear you're getting some good days.

 

My head is wrapped back around the mmigraine drug that kicked this off for me. Found a lot of bb stories that actually started after that drug was given for migraines or nausea. I feel like I have seen benzo healing but I'm scared about what's left. Is it benzo? Is it reglan? Is it forever? I made an appointment to see the neurologist. I'm not sure what she can do, reassurance? She was one if the doctors who told me to stay off meds and wait it out. That was over a year ago and I want to tell her I'm still waiting.

 

I'm just so tired. So..... Bath time.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, I think it's a great idea to see your neurologist.

 

Last time you went, she gave you great feedback and an interesting assessment.

 

Could you post here if she says anything interesting ?

 

I would love to hear about it. 

 

I have an appointment for the 23rd. I'll let you know what she thinks.

 

Peace2

[[Sk...]]

Thanks, coop. Glad to hear you're getting some good days.

 

My head is wrapped back around the mmigraine drug that kicked this off for me. Found a lot of bb stories that actually started after that drug was given for migraines or nausea. I feel like I have seen benzo healing but I'm scared about what's left. Is it benzo? Is it reglan? Is it forever? I made an appointment to see the neurologist. I'm not sure what she can do, reassurance? She was one if the doctors who told me to stay off meds and wait it out. That was over a year ago and I want to tell her I'm still waiting.

 

I'm just so tired. So..... Bath time.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, I think it's a great idea to see your neurologist.

 

Last time you went, she gave you great feedback and an interesting assessment.

 

Could you post here if she says anything interesting ?

 

I would love to hear about it. 

 

I have an appointment for the 23rd. I'll let you know what she thinks.

 

Peace2

 

I am willing to bet one month of wd, that she will be amazed by your progress and tell you, you are almost there !

 

Are you up for it ? 

 

 

 

[[dr...]]

Good morning all...this bear of a wave continues on.  I fell asleep exhausted reading at 9pm.  Woke at 2am with a full blown panic.  Haven't had that in a while.  Fell back to sleep and woke at 5am with morning yucks.  Meditated for one hour and am at work now.  I made myself walk an extra six blocks this am to get  coffee as I had my morning glutamate storm without the severe head stuff.  Nothing makes a difference in these waves.  Coffee or no coffee it is all the same.    Just trying to ignore it.  My DR/spaciness is extemely heavy and waiting for it to lessen this am.  These symptoms started at 7:10 and it is now 8 so I'm hopefully in the homestretch of this storm.  Just keep reminding myself I have been here many times before.  This is so damn hard! 

I am also continuing to take my migraine supp(day 4) and since this wave is terrible my mind wants to attach it to the supp.  I know I have had waves like this before so I keep chugging along until it fades.  I am constantly amazed as everyone else that we can feel this bad this far out.  I see the healing ahead so onward I go.

 

Oh...the fiance and I talked everything out as I thought we would.  This whole situation brings things to a boil sometimes.

[[Co...]]

Thinking of you Drew... you have my heart....so sorry you are going through this.  Nothing else to say....you have heard it all before.....just thinking of you and hoping this lifts for you...

.......coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-I discovered your progress log last night and I keep reading it for hope.

 

  Also, marge spoke to Ian at BTP and he repeated everything we keep saying.  At 16/17 months many people feel worse or like they made no progress.  He wasn't surprised at all.  It took him until 18 months to start seeing anything(sorry marge if I stole a bit of your thunder ).  I am trying not to get to hung up on timelines as they can set us up for disapointment but I do hope for a turn everyday.  I did get a flash of hope yesterday and it was wonderful.  It is now 8:40 and the breathing stuff/palps has left and will probably come back late morning but I 'm used to it in this wave.  It is amazing what we all adapt to.  Now if the cog fog lifts I'll be okay.  A bit of coffee usually helps.  :smitten:     

[[Co...]]

Beulah.....if you do Pintrest there are tons and tons of great recipes for everything. I have some boards open and one is for reflux/GERD .. I found goid things there..  now I just need to cook more....I have fallen into the easy habit of just putting everything on a baking pan and roasting the heck out of it. 

.....hope you are having a good day..  onward.....coop

[[dr...]]

I am listing a few positives about today...hope you all don't mind

 

1. I am in month 17.  Regardless of how I feel right now I am closer to feeling well than not

2. I have seen many of my friends improve here.  I am not that different from them otherwise I wouldn't be in the same hell

3. My mornings are bad but my evenings are okay.  Even right now I feel much better than 30 minutes ago.  One thing is for sure...I can be positive        I won't feel the same thirty minutes from now.  Sometimes it's a blessing and others a curse.

4  My armpits aren't soaked with sweat as usual after a tough am(I'm stretching here )

5. this is temporary...as bad as we feel we always have to remember this. It is huge. 

6. Many have been down this path before and we are not exceptions to the healing process.

7. Once through this I will be so much healthier mentally, physically, and overall a person who appreciates being alive.  I am now living healthier    as oppsed to the unhealthy self destructive lifestyle before caused by the drugs.  I don't feel it yest but I am putting in the foundation to build upon

8.while right now I think feel the worst ever it is not the case.  While in the grip of tolerance withdrawal I was having more panic attacks and other stuff. 

9. I have the best people on this thead and a few others I communicate with who makes this hell bearable. :smitten: :smitten:     

 

[[ma...]]

Hey guys I don't post here much but I do read this thread almost daily. Keeps me going on some pretty tough days.  I relate to a lot of stuff that you guys go through on a daily basis but like all of you I am determined to wait this out and get out of benzo hell.  Just wanted to mention that I spoke with Baylissa last night after setting up a phone consultation on her website.  I know that not everyone has the funds to do this or may not feel they will get much out of it but I sure did.  Just nice to talk to someone with this much experience and knowledge of others who have gone through benzo hell and recovered.  She had some good advice on somethings I am doing well and some things I am not doing so well.  Really need to get off the last bit of gabapentin I am on (300mg per day) but she assured me that I should do this at my own timing and at a slow pace. Assured me that most say gabapentin withdrawal is not so bad after going through benzo withdrawal. Reinforced that all the crazy stuff that goes on is not just me but benzo related and that it will continue to get better.  Let me know that even after I feel I am healed I will continue to see more healing even though I don't realize it is going on.  Just part of the process and she sees it all the time with thousands of others that have gone through this.  Just wanted to let you know that something like this is available if you want to talk on the phone to her.  Just need to go to her website and schedule a time.  We talked for 50 minutes and it seemed to fly by.  Good luck to everyone and hang in there!

[[dr...]]

thzx lake! 

 

As we mention here often...never can be enough posts like the one you just did.

[[No...]]

Drew ... yep ... this is always temporary ... and like some science fiction changeling, is keeps going back and forth ... sorta' like Gumby ...

 

I like your list ... I make them often ... keeps me aware of where I have been and where I am now ...