12-18 month support

[[Si...]]

Glad you're feeling a little better Drew. My symptoms are cycling fast now too when I do get them. I've heard a lot of people say that the cycles get faster when they were closer to healing. So lets hope that we're on the last leg of this crazy journey. 

[[Fr...]]

Nova, thanks for the kind words.  I'm glad you saw my post as positive.  I stay quiet usually because things are so rough and I'm bent on just surviving from day to day. I hope you're feeling better.  I saw that you were in a bad wave and hope that has eased for you.

 

Peace, I'm sorry you're still dealing with issues too and feel bad that you have to work through this.  I can't work a job but have started making an item for stores at home from my table and bed.  Can you take a leave of absence from work until you feel more healed?  I really believe that all your symptoms will vanish soon but know how hard it is for you.  Have you talked with Don K.?  He is really kind and encouraging and went through severe depression for 24 months before it lifted.  He is Eli111 I think. 

 

As far as the counting months, yes that is what Bliss tells me to do, and my therapist too.  Neither one denies that some people are fine on ADs but both agree that it's a surer thing to take nothing.  They really are against cannabis oil, alcohol and caffeine too which affect receptors and yet see many taking all that stuff.

 

I doubt one dose would do any harm.  They don't even know if the occasional Elavil that I took in micro doses did any harm, but they both said it's better to be off anything that is a psych drug and affects brain chemistry.  They're not doctors but then look at what doctors have done to us.

 

My pain level 2 nights ago was excruciating but it usually lets up over time and with rest and a heating pad, but it was at a scary level and all I took was 2 Tylenol and later an aspirin.  I've decided that I won't take anything ever again even if I'm dying.  It's not worth it to me.  I'll either survive this one day or I won't, but refuse to take any crap anymore that may cause harm.

 

Anyone else bored out their mind from watching so much tv?  Sometime it's all that will distract me from my suffering.  I watch shows I'd never watch before.  I'm really enjoying them actually, and live vicariously through them.  From American Pickers, I want to go on road trips and search for hidden treasures, from Storage Wars, I want to gamble buying lockers and sort through stuff for finds.  I watch Bachelor in Paradise and dream of living on a beach with my husband and being young again, from Shark Tank, I dream of my little business and how I want to grow it.  When I watch food shows I want to cook and eat desserts.  My small sickbed life comes alive with tv.

 

What do the rest of like watching?  Does anyone else live in dreams right now while waiting to re-join the world?

 

Love and healing to you all,

Lisa 

[[Sk...]]

Lisa, so nice to see you !

 

Thanks for your update and suggestions of resources.

 

In  a bad patch myself.  I had to help out with the moving of furniture and packing and now, my heart is really pounding badly and my vibrations are really bad.

 

Have to log off now, I am feeling really bad now.

 

Take care everybody, we are getting there. 

[[Fr...]]

Sky, I'm sorry that you're in a bad wave right now.  I was so hoping your window was everlasting.

 

Drew and Siggy, I hope you're feeling better soon too.

 

Lisa

[[BJ...]]

I feel like I have the benzo flu.  My body is so weak and I have zero energy.  After two weeks of nonstop anxiety it finally caught up to me.  I'm thinking since my muscles have been so tense for so long they're just wiped.  Anybody go through this sort of thing that can relate?  The only thing that's better is anxiety is way down and my breathing is much better.  I'm thinking adrenal fatigue is another possible explanation though it's scientifically controversial. 

 

This is how we should take out ISIS.  Drop a few months' worth of Xanax on them and then take it away...

[[so...]]

Thank you Drew and Siggy.  I am so not like this in my non-withdrawal life.  I can barely remember who I used to be, but I know I wasn't scared all the time.  I'm 61 for crying out loud!

[[dr...]]

Ahh...the fun never ends.  I left work and had to go to the grocery store.  In the long line to pay my panic returned.  No biggie...it's a bad day and I expected it.  I then dropped a bottle of wine(for my fiancé) at the checkout. It held up the whole line and delayed me at least five minutes while in full blown panic.  . I really don't know how I keep any positivity after days like today.  Home resting now w a very painful crown of head and other fun stuff.  Onward!

[[No...]]

Sofa ... as has been said ... you have not set yourself back ... hell, we probably could not even find that place you think you got set back too ...

 

And I agree with the Brits ... this Gaba thing is the mechanism that is involved ... and folks really don't know how it works in any complete sense of the word ...

 

Moderation and a little experimentation from time to time ... and remembering that we are all unique ...

 

I have drank my decaf coffee all through these four years ... anywhere from two to six cups a day ... just regular old Maxwell House ... my dishwater decaf I call it ... for me, I cannot go anywhere near caffeine, a straight up coffee sends me over the moon and down the backside without a parachute ...

 

Can't say anything about alcohol because I do not drink ... no tolerance at all ... one beer and I start talking to fire hydrants ... and listening when the respond to my queries ...

 

When things get tough I do take an occasional ibuprofen ... and I have taken an acid reducer from time to time ... and I take my chamomile tea and the ginger tea and the breathe easy tea as I feel I need them ...

 

All we can do is find a little peace and rhythm throughout this process ... listen to what other folks have tried ... and see if they may be helpful ...

 

This is an utter, complete, crap shoot ...

 

You are doing well ... the emotional storms are part of the package ... hang on, you are getting there ... 

[[No...]]

Drew ... some days it just does not pay to get out of bed ... 

 

Hope you have a calm evening ... and you are right ... the only direction is onward ... 

[[No...]]

Hi Siggy ... glad you are feeling okay for a while ... hope your weekend is pleasant ... 

[[No...]]

BJ ... I have been in and out of what I can only call benzo flu since last November or so ... sometimes it is completely gone, sometimes it seems to linger, and sometimes it is a full course marching band ...

 

All I an do when it is really loud is relax and be quiet for a spell ... you are right, I believe, about the anxiety and the muscle tension ... it is also a fallout from the benzos ... our muscles, tendons and fascia are learning how to be themselves without the drug ...

[[...]]

Sofa,

 

Don't stress about any other medications. This is about healing from benzos and as long as you are not taking anything that affects the gabba receptors then you will be fine. I have spoken to Baylissa too and that is what she said to me, also she even says in one of her youtube recordings that ''even if you have a antidepressant to taper off once you have healed from benzos not to worry as it will be a piece of cake, you have survived benzo withdrawal, you can survive anything'' . I know this is not you but there are many people who are on prescribed meds and still heal from benzos. You don't remain at zero months off benzos just because you happen to take something else and some people do go on a ad to help or a beta blocker, so remember it's gabba that is messed up.

 

I understand how sensitive and suggestable you are. I too am going through the worst wave ever which has been more difficult because of stressful events. Even small things make us question everything. I am luck to speak to a support group here in the UK and every time I do and I'm struggling, they say they would not expect anything else at this stage and although there are a lot of variables, the majority start to feel better between 18-24 months. If a muscle relaxer helps and it's not a benzo DO NOT FRET 

[[so...]]

Nova, thank you so much for your calming practical words.  You truly have a way of piercing through the sh*tstorm in my brain and going directly to my heart.  Now can you please stop these friggin palpitations?

 

Thank you, Sofa

[[...]]

Nova, you have helped me with this too as I suffer from muscle, tendon stuff. Apparently benzos mess up our nerve endings and that's why we get pain. They heal though, it just so bloomin long. There will be nerves in the fascia? 

[[No...]]

Sofa ... the palpitation thingie ... hmm ... never had them consistently ... they like to put in an appearance during panic/anxiety for me ... others may be able to speak more directly to coping with them ...

 

Medically, they say if you are relatively healthy then there is nothing to "worry about" ... I believe they are a chemical side effect ... when you think a bit about what benzos do, it is probably not surprising that palpitations show up for some folks ...

 

From everything I have heard on BB, they go away in time ... and in the meantime they can be scary and dreadful ...

[[No...]]

Marj ... I am not an anatomist ... however ... 30 years of Tai Chi and Qigong practice has shown me that there are levels within levels within levels of stuff ...

 

And benzos are a comprehensive messer-upper of all our pathways ... regarding the side-effects of healing from benzo use, I gave up asking why many moons ago ... now, when I can, if I feel like it, I do try to follow the pathways of some of these side effects ... I cannot get "inside" and work on things yet, things are still too dynamic for me ... down the road I will be able to go back to many of the things I used to be able to do ...

 

About six years or so ago I had to stop all of my practice because the energy storms that erupted during practice were to much to handle and I had no one around here who had any idea of what I was experiencing and why these storms were occurring ...

 

It has only been in the last four or five months that I can even do a standing posture ... I can now do some low level stretching for short periods of time ... I cannot do any manipulation of stuff yet ... these practices are one of the gauges I use to know that I am getting better ... very slowly ...

 

I know my entire "nervous system" is constipated and bunged up, hence all of my musculature and all those connections are out of whack ... I am slowly working with my extremities, fingers, wrists, ankles, and knees ... staying religiously away from anything in the centre ... I do not want to experience any eruptions or short circuiting ... my body will let me know where I can go and when I can go there ...

 

In the meantime, this was a long-winded response to fascia ... 

[[so...]]

Marj,  You are so sweet and reassuring.  I always thought I was withdrawing from Gabapentin.  Since November 8, when I CT Gabapentin and occasional use of Ativan, I never took another Gabapentin, but not knowing anything about benzodiazepines, I took .50mg of Ativan in March once and .50mg in July once.  I'm hoping that the overall cumulative abstention from regular and irregular use of these drugs will outweigh the two .50mg of Ativan I took.  I was on an antidepressant forum before I found benzo buddies and didn't take an AD, so could not identify with people who were suffering on that forum.  Those people don't think twice about taking benzodiazepines, just like people on this site minimize the effects of ADs.

 

At the end of the day, all psyche meds are garbage aren't they?  I guess they help some people.  I didn't even know I was taking a psyche drug, nor did I have a clue I'd be going through something like this!  I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying I haven't extended my prison sentence in this withdrawal hell, that's all.  No more champagne on birthdays, no more small sips of beer with my pizza and, definitely, no more meds.

 

Thank you all for taking the time to reassure me.  Love, Sofa

[[Si...]]

Hi Siggy ... glad you are feeling okay for a while ... hope your weekend is pleasant ... 

 

Thanks you too? Suppose to be rain again though. I won't be surprised if we get a soaking from the hurricane that will shortly be making its way up the East coast.

[[so...]]

Marj and Nova,

 

I so identify with not wanting to do anything to disturb the "beast."  I can't tolerate any good or bad stress and keeping the negative thought rumination at bay is a full time job! 

 

I was wondering, do you feel relatively normal in the late afternoons and evenings?  This has always been my pattern after acute.

 

I pray every single day for all of us to heal.  You have put a lot more time into this journey than I have so far, and you deserve to come out on the other side of this hell NOW!  TODAY! AD FINITEM!

[[so...]]

Siggy, do you find the weather to be a factor in how you feel?  I do better on overcast days.

[[dr...]]

Marj and Nova,

 

I so identify with not wanting to do anything to disturb the "beast."  I can't tolerate any good or bad stress and keeping the negative thought rumination at bay is a full time job! 

 

I was wondering, do you feel relatively normal in the late afternoons and evenings?  This has always been my pattern after acute.

 

I pray every single day for all of us to heal.  You have put a lot more time into this journey than I have so far, and you deserve to come out on the other side of this hell NOW!  TODAY! AD FINITEM!

 

I know you didn't ask me but I do feel usually always feel best in the evenings.  It's a common occurrence but not sure why.  Maybe the cortisol is done for the day?  Most feel awful in the early am too.  If most others have this too it shows me its all withdrawal.

 

The fascia can push on and add to nerve pain.  I'm pretty sure that's why I have such a painful scalp. 

[[so...]]

Thank you, Drew.  You are always so reassuring and I need reassurance desperately.  I've had such a predictable pattern throughout this post withdrawal journey, except when month 8.5 hit, things started to change somewhat.  I got hit with not being able to fall asleep at night.  Magnesium used to work like a sleeping pill for me, then stopped working.  I had not felt boaty in awhile, then that started.  My akathisia decreased significantly.  My gastro issues began surfacing every other day.  Now, it seems, symptoms come and go randomly, mostly come and stay, unfortunately.

 

I hope your headaches are decreasing in frequency and intensity.  You so deserve a break, as do all the people on this thread.

[[Si...]]

Siggy, do you find the weather to be a factor in how you feel?  I do better on overcast days.

 

Only maybe doesn't help depression when it's dark out. I like the rain though. Something soothing about the sound and watching it too.

[[Sk...]]

I feel like I have the benzo flu.  My body is so weak and I have zero energy.  After two weeks of nonstop anxiety it finally caught up to me.  I'm thinking since my muscles have been so tense for so long they're just wiped.  Anybody go through this sort of thing that can relate?  The only thing that's better is anxiety is way down and my breathing is much better.  I'm thinking adrenal fatigue is another possible explanation though it's scientifically controversial. 

 

This is how we should take out ISIS.  Drop a few months' worth of Xanax on them and then take it away...

 

Bjames, I could not agree more, this would be the best hidden weapon ever !

[[Sk...]]

Thank you Drew and Siggy.  I am so not like this in my non-withdrawal life.  I can barely remember who I used to be, but I know I wasn't scared all the time.  I'm 61 for crying out loud!

 

Sofaking, nobody is like this.

 

Do you mean, you will be losing your sense of humour when you are done with wd ? 

 

Please, don't worry, we will go back to being better versions of ourselves. The point of this place is not to judge people here, we are all sick, we are not thinking straight most of the time.

 

We are wounded, is all.