12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Coop...you really sound soooo much better.  You give me hope

 

....Drew,....you just hang onto your hope...Yes, it had been a really good month...Month 21 has been my best month of this entire March through hell...I had an Effortless Mind day yesterday AND  today. I had some morning sx on both days but they lifted and gave way to 95%  days. If my days could be this predictably good each day I would call myself healed. I am actually feeling confident about going back to the classroom as a volunteer in Oct. ...Sept. 3 begins month 22 for me....for me, this month has been the tipping point...nothing shifted this clearly until last month...maybe even not until month 21.5....I am asking myself the same question as Green, " how do we define healing"....I think for me it is... getting my life back....with presence and connection and feeling and clarity. I can handle some lingering mild sx that I know are w/d.. .like little knats on my shoulders...of course anxiety, health fears and panics call off all the bets. ...For me, I am anticipating another 9-12 months of tying up loose ends, polishing some rusty real world capabilities and rebuilding family and friendship relationships..  If I have a success story in me it is months out, but I definitely know things are healing for real. My health fears might need a little professional tweeking, but on good days even health fear is more of mild intrusive thoughts as opposed to 9 alarm fear of death and dying by catrastophe.   

....I didn't think this would ever happen for me...even one month ago I didn't think so.....but here I am with more goo days than bad, some windows and some Effortless Mind days...and a decent fairly predictable baseline in between windows and average 'good' days..  ..I feel like I am starting to live my life again

    Drew, you have way more 'stance'  in the face of the benzo beast than I do. You have come through some of the toughest times of any of us here.  You have every reason to be hopeful and confident..  Every time I read one of your posts of keeping onward after a bout of headaches and anxiety I am inspired. 

  Enjoy your take out ..  Wishing you some good rest and a much better tomorrow.....coop

[[BJ...]]

Man is this wave I'm in kicking my tail.  It has seldom relented the last few weeks.  I have to say that Month 15 has been the worst for me.  Anxiety and panic have been by far the most bothersome symptoms and now dealing with sinus issues on top of it is the perfect storm..  I had multiple panic attacks throughout the day at work, including during a conference call.  I'm a total train wreck.I just wanted to run and hide.  I just cannot believe that this is real.  Ironic that this started a day or two several weeks ago after stating in this thread that I hadn't had panic attacks for many many months.  I would do anything to end this tsunami right now.  I don't know what gives with a super long wave like this.

[[Gr...]]

Hi All!

 

Nova, I'm identifying most with you now, seesaw, roller coaster, whatever. I go from hours of pretty nasty vertigo during the day, it stops almost on a dime and I'm having a much better evening.  went bike riding, went awhile, I was able to take small breaks every so often, and did some miles.  So it's night and day.  because if you saw me early this afternoon, I was not great.  yesterday was a horrible day from acute hell, with the primary being vertigo, nausea, spinning, bad enough I have to sit down, lie down, and focus at a point on a wall to make the spinning stop.

so something is going on.  either I'm healing or it's very bad news indeed.

 

Korbe, hang on.  I know that's the last thing you want to hear.  but I've seen nerve pain just stop.  My mom struggled going off Valium, so many years ago, and burning legs was her worst symptom.  and it stopped, she healed, and she was very active after that.  so we know this does stop

 

Peace, it does get better.  I hit the pits of despair on a frequent basis, but bounce out.  It's going to get better.

 

Coop, Drew is right, you do sound good!  Condo shopping, and yes, you will be in school in October, that is happening.

 

And, Beulah, so glad you're off the mashed potatoes! 

 

Drew, when do  you leave for New Zealand?

 

Feel better, everyone.  My hot water heater broke.  I think it did.  flood and plenty of steam.  no one makes night calls

[[Gr...]]

Hi Coop and Nova,

Thanks, thanks, thanks! I try so hard to go about my business, but when I need ya, I need ya!

 

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better Coop. That is wonderful news. And Nova, you are steady and kind I didn't realize you've been sleeping in the recliner all this time. I remember when that was a newer place where you found relief. Whatever gets you some rest!

 

I'm not posting much, but I do appreciate your input and am following along as best I can and love hearing about your healing.

 

Peace2

 

Nova, I didn't realize you were in the recliner, either.  I'm not in the recliner, but I have a thing where I can't lie down flat, else it feels like a tilt table, or anxiety kicks in -- I don't know what it is, but it feels bad.  So I prop up on 4 pillows, almost in a reclining position.

 

Do you get enough sleep in the chair?

[[Co...]]

Green.  I got hit with vertigo in May/June.  I used drammamine ( half tab..  12mg)  for the bad bouts...helps the nausea too..  So sorry you are getting hit with it, but the fact that it lifts on a dime and evenings are consistently better is a good good sign.  Flooding water and steam...that doesn't sound nice at all.  Hope your day is way better tomorrow. 

.....coop

[[Co...]]

Peace....remember the ' cave dweller' days with Life and Nova helping us find our way out?  I so love it that you stop by when you can.  So glad it is this year and not last year.  Love to you MightyGirl. ....coop

[[Co...]]

Man is this wave I'm in kicking my tail.  It has seldom relented the last few weeks.  I have to say that Month 15 has been the worst for me.  Anxiety and panic have been by far the most bothersome symptoms and now dealing with sinus issues on top of it is the perfect storm..  I had multiple panic attacks throughout the day at work, including during a conference call.  I'm a total train wreck.I just wanted to run and hide.  I just cannot believe that this is real.  Ironic that this started a day or two several weeks ago after stating in this thread that I hadn't had panic attacks for many many months.  I would do anything to end this tsunami right now.  I don't know what gives with a super long wave like this.

 

......Mike, I got hit so hard in months 16- 20....3 months straight waves....also the return of panics, increase of intense health fear, dizziness and head pressure that had been gone for months.  Totally 3 months of a second acute....and when it passed there was a shift towards healing. Jenny had a 5 month wave and felt a big jump in healing when it finally let go of her. I think she is about 25 (?) months and feeling healed at her last post here.

    Hold on Mike....so sorry you are getting hit like this.  It will end and you will be that much closer....I know how miserable it is to go back to the hell of it this far out..  Hopefully this is your last big wave.  Wishing you some relief and peace....coop

[[dr...]]

Hi green!  I leave three months from today.  Hoping for some good healing before then. 

 

 

Coop-I read your last post about how well your doing five times already. 

I really believe in my heart I will get better which s what keeps me going.  I'm just impatient at this point    The two year mark really seems like everyone feels so much better and I'm 2/3 of he way there.  Everyone's not healed but much better and that sounds good to me right now.

[[Co...]]

Drew..  you are going to get better....as Nova says, ..." it is written"  .....coop

[[Gr...]]

Green.  I got hit with vertigo in May/June.  I used drammamine ( half tab..  12mg)  for the bad bouts...helps the nausea too..  So sorry you are getting hit with it, but the fact that it lifts on a dime and evenings are consistently better is a good good sign.  Flooding water and steam...that doesn't sound nice at all.  Hope your day is way better tomorrow. 

.....coop

 

I was thinking of trying that, thank you.  I'll give it one more day, maybe.

 

It's so confusing to be hit out of the blue.  I don't think I ever had it this bad.  But you're right, it's a good sign it stops on a dime.  and the fatigue is lifting!  Imagine that.  I thought it never would.

 

Coop, I'm so glad you're having better days!

 

Oh, that water heater?  I could care less.  As soon as I was reassured the house wasn't blowing up, I forgot about it.  No hot water?  cost of new w. heater?  stress?  after two years of WITHDRAWAL, am I really going to sweat the water heater?  I almost don't care if Donald Trump is our new president!  Now that's a spine of titanium!

[[...]]

Coop, thank you so much again for reaching out to me. Right now I feel devastated. Yesterday was a hard day anyway and then the job thing with my daughter. It's not so much that she didn't get it, it's the way it's making me feel. I just can't cope with these type of things and wd. It just seems to be one thing after another and my mind is racing at the moment, trying to challenge these thoughts. I feel like I'm about to break. My kids mean so much to me, we just need a some positive news.

[[No...]]

Marj ... positive news ... these feeling are not you ... they are the drug recovery ... and you are feeling them because of the drug ...they are real and lousy and such a nuisance ...

 

And this will get better ...

 

I don't know how many zillions of times I felt my world was coming apart ... and it never did ... the incongruence between what I am feeling inside and what is actually going on outside can be so disorientating ...

 

You are strong and steadfast ... and this stuff will not defeat us ... we just have to do what we can each day and get through it ...

 

Hang on and things will settle down ... in the meantime, vent - laugh - kick that trash can - go to the spa - whatever ... the issue here, the one that is out of our control and yet is our ally, is Time ...

 

Our bodies know how to do this ... we just need to endure this ride through this mess ... and we can, and we will ...

 

 

 

[[No...]]

Green ... I have been in the recliner since a few of months before the end of my taper I think ... and when I sleep, I sleep very well ...

 

Last summer I bought one of these super-duper recliner thingies and it is very comfortable (wore the old one out) ... and it will recline to the point of being a bed, and all positions in between ... and gives me support everywhere ... 10 hours in it seems no different than 2 hours ...

 

Yep ... the anxiety rush laying down flat, almost a panic experience sometimes ... yuk ...

 

Onward we go ... 

[[No...]]

Good Morning Sky ... hope you are doing well ... thinking of you ... 

[[No...]]

Good Morning Folks ... shut down at 7 pm last night and didn't get up until almost 7 am ... did read for an hour or so in the middle of the night but did not feel like getting up ...

 

Feeling generally lousy, nothing specific ... going out for some grub shopping and a walk ...

 

Hope we all have a quiet, pleasant Thursday ... 

[[No...]]

BJ ... I don' know what gives with this stuff either ... all I do know is that it will get better for you ... last winter I had a long, long wave that I thought would never end ... I ransacked my brain for a "reason" ... anything that would give me some sense of being okay ...

 

Gradually it lifted ... and all the time I was okay, just felt like things would never end ...

 

Sometimes I just had to be in survival mode until things eased up and I could get back to enduring ...

 

You will get through this ... Time is on our side ... 

[[je...]]

Hi everyone,

Just checking in, I'm still doing well.. I'm not 100%, but I'm more functional and I'm getting on with my life now despite some lingering sx. Mentally I'm in a much, much better place. My depression and negative thinking are gone, I'm feeling more social, I find myself feeling truly happy. I still have some physical stuff, but I feel now for me that I can now slowly start to use some supplements and try and get my body to work right again. Miss all of you, and want you all to know that it does get better! I'll be 2 years in September, and 6 months ago I thought I was getting worse, so remember things can change at any moment love, Jenny

[[Va...]]

Today it is a year since my forced ct of Klonopin. I hoped to be lucky and be healed by this time but Im not. So now I enter this thread looking for some hope. im still severely disabled and Im stuck.

Please tell me I will be okay in a few months, please tell me about people who healed in 12 to 18 months.

[[No...]]

Hi Jenny ... good to hear from you ... so good to know you feel you are getting on with your life ... reassurance for all of us ... 

[[No...]]

Vanille ... welcome ...

 

You are okay ... you got off the drug ... you stayed off the drug ... the rest is all about Time ...

 

No one knows when they will be done with this process ... all we know is that we will heal if we stay with it ...

 

Some folks heal quickly, some take longer, and some take a little longer still ...

 

I know what the "disabled" and "stuck" feel like ... all we can do is go through our days as best we can ...

 

You will find support and reassurance here ... 

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Marj,Nova is right.. those feelings are the drug recovery. It just sometimes seems that everything is wrong and we can't get past the negative thinking of things.

Yes, our kids do mean the world to us..and we are a big part of their world..they understand things that we don't give them enough credit for. Hope your racing thoughts calm down.

 

Nova, your recliner sounds so comfy. Enjoy your walk getting some grub.

 

Jenny, you are really sounding so good. Yep, when we look back a little ways and realize how bad some symptoms were we can really appreciate the healing we have now. So happy for you!! I hope you are enjoying every minute of healing..and I know you are enjoying your precious boys.

Take care and keep us posted..we love hearing from you.

 

I guess it's to much to ask for more than three hrs.of sleep anymore. I stopped at one apple fritter yesterday and only a little brown sugar on my yam..but I think it was to much of a sugar overload for me to wind down and sleep.

I was on here scrolling at 4 am and maybe I was dreaming but I thought I read that Green said she wouldn't mind if Trump was President...I'm sure I dreamed it..but if she did say it...she only has to bite half her tongue because she said she almost doesn't mind.

I know the feeling though. After all of this suffering worldly things don't bother me.

 

Just another day in paradise.

 

 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... dreaming and scrolling ... that's one response to sugar ...

 

Hope your sleep settles down for you ... I slept for maybe 10 hours last night ... woke up in the same story ... not enough pages got turned I guess ...

 

We are getting there ... one apple fritter at a time ... 

[[Sk...]]

Morning all,

 

Marj,Nova is right.. those feelings are the drug recovery. It just sometimes seems that everything is wrong and we can't get past the negative thinking of things.

Yes, our kids do mean the world to us..and we are a big part of their world..they understand things that we don't give them enough credit for. Hope your racing thoughts calm down.

 

Nova, your recliner sounds so comfy. Enjoy your walk getting some grub.

 

Jenny, you are really sounding so good. Yep, when we look back a little ways and realize how bad some symptoms were we can really appreciate the healing we have now. So happy for you!! I hope you are enjoying every minute of healing..and I know you are enjoying your precious boys.

Take care and keep us posted..we love hearing from you.

 

I guess it's to much to ask for more than three hrs.of sleep anymore. I stopped at one apple fritter yesterday and only a little brown sugar on my yam..but I think it was to much of a sugar overload for me to wind down and sleep.

I was on here scrolling at 4 am and maybe I was dreaming but I thought I read that Green said she wouldn't mind if Trump was President...I'm sure I dreamed it..but if she did say it...she only has to bite half her tongue because she said she almost doesn't mind.

I know the feeling though. After all of this suffering worldly things don't bother me.

 

Just another day in paradise.

 

You were dreaming Beulah !  or she was dreaming, or something ! 

[[Sk...]]

Been super busy with the trip back and the move.

 

My anxiety has been so bad, today is not exception. It's chemical anxiety, what I mean is I can't sooth it in any way or with any of my tricks/tools.

 

Chemical up to a point, though. There is a move involved and many changes.

 

At the best of times, I am like a cat, I hate to see anything, even a pencil moved out of its place.

 

So you can imagine how I am feeling these days. 

 

I have been lurking and following developments, sorry if I do not comment on anything, I am still quite rushed.

 

Hope to be able to write later, you are all in my thoughts.

 

Nova, thanks for your hello. Sorry to hear about you having to use a recliner.

 

I read somebody making apple butter. It sounds so good.Here,  I am learning about so many dishes, I had never heard about before . 

[[No...]]

Sky ... I know the "don't move anything" feeling ... I tell my wife I am usually on auto-pilot and I would crash if anything gets moved ... I am so bad I can tell when another toast crumb shows up ... 

 

Talk about hyper-vigilant ... 

 

Be cool ... and stay as calm as you can ... this moving stuff will be over soon ...

 

Be Well ...