12-18 month support

[[Sk...]]

I appreciate all the replies to my posts from yesterday.  I've been an absolute train wreck and am so weary of the compassion fatigue from my family I had nowhere else to go.  I felt I needed to get my feelings out there just to see that others could relate.  It always helps to see that I'm not alone.

 

An update: Yesterday afternoon I was able to find some way to calm down....to some extent.  The Flonase wore off at about a few hours or so.  During a physical therapy session, the practitioner I work with, who is very good at what he does, showed how the spinal joints below my cervical fusion were stiff, so he loosened them up with some unusual body manipulations.  The cracks and pops were quite telling.  My whole neck loosened up, along with a lot of the sinus stuffiness.  Perhaps a lot of the physical ailments we endure in the face are actually muscle contractions and misaligned nerve responses that cause us such grief.  Who knows.  At least my sinuses are a bit more open than they have been for months.

 

Otherwise, I'm still riding the tidal wave and hoping to crash down on a beach somewhere soon.  I slept decently last night...maybe 5-6 hours, which is normal for me.  I took a light 1.5-mile walk this morning to calm down the anxiety, which remains at high levels.  The chest is sore.  I did the heating pad last night and it does help.  It took a while, but I was able to calm my breathing down with some effort.  I just need to continue working at it.  I've been such a mess, the only side effect that's produced anything positive is about 7-8 pounds worth of weight loss.  I've been eating healthy lately.

 

I'm still very tired and the lungs are still tender.  Hopefully if I can just pace myself at work today I can get through without feeling as crummy as I did yesterday.

 

Thanks again for caring enough to respond during tough times.

 

Here's to coming out on the other end of this safe and sound.

 

BJ

[/0quote]

 

BJ, just do that, try to pace yourself and be kind to yourself when things get rough. That seems to  be the hardest part for us in wd.

[[Sk...]]

FJ, thank yo so much.  I've read all your posts in the 6-12 and 12-18 month threads and I know your journey with opiates is similar to mine.  I hope my recovery will be 100% like yours as well.  This weekend I was thrown back into acute WD, which scared the heebie jeebies out of me.  My withdrawal has been so different from most others so far. 

 

In 9.75 months, I've never had a "window" per se, just a couple of dirty windshields with bird crap on them.  I don't get brain zaps, tingling, headaches, burning, or other painful sensations (thank God!).  The akathisia went away in month 8.  The nausea has been gone since month 4, except for an unwelcome visit yesterday when I experienced all my acute symptoms.  I honestly wish I knew from what drug I am withdrawing???  I guess it doesn't matter, but It would still be nice to put a "face" on this withdrawal process.

 

This has to end.  I already have to run around in the shower to get wet.

  :laugh:

 

Sofa, you are very welcome here.

 

At what m onth did you say you are ? sorry,  I have a benzo brain, two plus two is way too hard for me.

 

You might want to add it to your signature, it helps people like me understand where you are in the healing process.

[[Sk...]]

I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm so over this bs. My stomache was churning all night. I have a urology appt this morning and then I have to head to work. This day is (already is) going to suck. I'd never have predicted I'd have to deal with some crazy shit like this. My head was just pounding all night. This makes night number two this month with no sleep.

 

Siggy, not sleeping is really bad, I don't know how you manage to work as well.

 

Let us know how the appointment goes, wish you  the  best. 

[[so...]]

Hi Nova!  Thank you for the warm welcome.  It's So-faking-done.

 

I'd like to know your opinion about something.  How can I ever be healed from this when I wake up every morning with cortisol and dread and nausea from rem sleep?  It's not like I can help what's happening when I sleep.  Will I wake up one morning like a normal person without the cortisol? 

 

I feel so stuck in this loop.  Ugh.

[[so...]]

Hi Sky!  I jumped CT November 8, 2014.  That would put me at about 9.5 months out.

[[be...]]

I appreciate all the replies to my posts from yesterday.  I've been an absolute train wreck and am so weary of the compassion fatigue from my family I had nowhere else to go.  I felt I needed to get my feelings out there just to see that others could relate.  It always helps to see that I'm not alone.

 

An update: Yesterday afternoon I was able to find some way to calm down....to some extent.  The Flonase wore off at about a few hours or so.  During a physical therapy session, the practitioner I work with, who is very good at what he does, showed how the spinal joints below my cervical fusion were stiff, so he loosened them up with some unusual body manipulations.  The cracks and pops were quite telling.  My whole neck loosened up, along with a lot of the sinus stuffiness.  Perhaps a lot of the physical ailments we endure in the face are actually muscle contractions and misaligned nerve responses that cause us such grief.  Who knows.  At least my sinuses are a bit more open than they have been for months.

 

Otherwise, I'm still riding the tidal wave and hoping to crash down on a beach somewhere soon.  I slept decently last night...maybe 5-6 hours, which is normal for me.  I took a light 1.5-mile walk this morning to calm down the anxiety, which remains at high levels.  The chest is sore.  I did the heating pad last night and it does help.  It took a while, but I was able to calm my breathing down with some effort.  I just need to continue working at it.  I've been such a mess, the only side effect that's produced anything positive is about 7-8 pounds worth of weight loss.  I've been eating healthy lately.

 

I'm still very tired and the lungs are still tender.  Hopefully if I can just pace myself at work today I can get through without feeling as crummy as I did yesterday.

 

Thanks again for caring enough to respond during tough times.

 

Here's to coming out on the other end of this safe and sound.

 

BJ

 

BJ- This time last year I was a train wreck. I had the congestion just as you describe. I was back and fourth to the doc and er. I had it in my chest, sinuses, and ears with so much pressure.

I think I drove the people crazy here talking about it...it was that bad.

My lungs felt raw also..I soothed them with warm steam. It hurt to breathe...that's when I learned to belly breathe..instead of the chest.

I fell prey to antibiotics because I truly thought I had a sinus infection...now I don't think so..I think it was all withdrawal. This sinus stuff is a big one of many people here.

While all of this has cleared out...it took a while to get back on track. I still get the congestion from time to time..but it doesn't last long.

 

Take it easy at work!! Hope you feel better.

[[be...]]

Good Morning ... well, as Siggy said, it is the flip side ... another super warm day for us folks in the Maritimes ...

 

Things seem fairly quiet this morning ... only got three hours of sleep with a long involved dream sort of thing ...

 

Still achy and bloated and my throat is congested ... another day in paradise ...

 

Potato and leek soup today with crispy bacon bits on top and some biscuits ...

 

Have a good Tuesday everyone ... 

 

Nova, it was quiet here earlier..then the lawn mowers started. Sorry you are achy and bloated.

Potato and leak soup...just what I need..save a seat at the table for me...please!!

 

[[be...]]

I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm so over this bs. My stomache was churning all night. I have a urology appt this morning and then I have to head to work. This day is (already is) going to suck. I'd never have predicted I'd have to deal with some crazy shit like this. My head was just pounding all night. This makes night number two this month with no sleep.

 

Sorry Siggy, losing sleep is hard to deal with...it definitely wares on you and it makes me grumpy.

For a long time I was in a crazy sleep pattern of every other night sleep...it was like I wasn't allowed to have sleep two nights in a row.

 

Hope you sleep tonight.

[[be...]]

Good Morning ... well, as Siggy said, it is the flip side ... another super warm day for us folks in the Maritimes ...

 

Things seem fairly quiet this morning ... only got three hours of sleep with a long involved dream sort of thing ...

 

Still achy and bloated and my throat is congested ... another day in paradise ...

 

Potato and leek soup today with crispy bacon bits on top and some biscuits ...

 

Have a good Tuesday everyone ... 

 

Nova, one day, when all of this is over, will you have me for dinner ? 

 

Your food sounds amazing !

 

Can I come? I want some of Nova's food!! Hmmm...maybe he should have us all over!!

[[No...]]

Supper is at 5 PM ... local ... buzzer code is 3151 ... so you all then ...

[[No...]]

Sofa ... and ... we can't help what is happening while we are awake ... so ... it is what it is until it isn't ...

 

First of all ... I believe there are no theories ... lots of curious ideas about what is happening ...

 

There are a zillion and one thingies in our bodies trying to communicate to maintain a state of allostasis ... and the drug(s) changed many of the pathways this communication happens along ... when the drug is removed, for many people, chaos reigns for a while ... eventually it all gets sorted out ... it just can take a while for some folks ...

 

The kicker in all this is that they know what the drug does, they know what happens when the drug is removed ... what they do not know and cannot predict is what happens to my experience of being alive when all this is going on ... they can tell me what I am feeling and experiencing ... they can tell me what should be happening ... and ... in this regard nobody knows squat ...

 

All I now for sure is that people heal from this mess if they stick with it ... don't know much else ... 

 

 

[[so...]]

Thank you, Nova.  I know you are right.  I guess I am just scared.  I have lost so many years already to drugs.  I just want this mess to be over like everyone else does

[[Fi...]]

Sofa--laughing is healthy so I always like to give laugh-out-loud points to anybody who gives me this gift.  Points to you for your line about running around in the shower to get wet.

 

It seems like people either drop weight drastically or pile it on.  I'm in the pile it on category, but now that my brain has settled down it's starting to come off almost magically, just as I'd hoped.  I think when YOUR brain is healed, you'll beef up again.  the point  is just that our brains get messed up and then, without our ever actually figuring it all out, we just heal.

 

Hey, I had a crocheted bikini too!  I'm 64 so we're of the same era.  Sounds like you had more exciting fun than I did, though! :D

[[Si...]]

I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm so over this bs. My stomache was churning all night. I have a urology appt this morning and then I have to head to work. This day is (already is) going to suck. I'd never have predicted I'd have to deal with some crazy shit like this. My head was just pounding all night. This makes night number two this month with no sleep.

 

Sorry Siggy, losing sleep is hard to deal with...it definitely wares on you and it makes me grumpy.

For a long time I was in a crazy sleep pattern of every other night sleep...it was like I wasn't allowed to have sleep two nights in a row.

 

Hope you sleep tonight.

 

Thanks, usually I do sleep the night after missing one. I had that pattern for a long time of one night on one night off. Around the beginning of July it started evening out a little more. It was about once a week during July (missed five days total). This month I'm now at two. Which is better than before so far, but I'd really like to no nights with 0. I can handle the 4-6 hours nights much better. Even 2 is more doable, but not great.

 

My doctor's appt was made last year the last time I saw him. Come to find out after getting to the place, he doesn't work at that office. Nice that they don't update their website! The nearest office for him now is about 30 miles away. Grrr.

 

Hope all of you are doing ok today. I'm in automaton mode.

[[No...]]

Siggy ... that's a righteous p...off ... what do you do when you live in a shoe, buy a boot and call it a highrise ...

 

I have often thought we could do a stage play ... The Benzo Automotons ... or maybe a ukulele sting band ... who knows ...

 

Hope things settle out for you and you have a good evening ... 

[[No...]]

Sofa ... yes ... the lost years ... I spent some 20 years on the drug and have invested 49 months in getting off and recovering ... and the best is yet to come ...

 

And ... being scared is something we all experience doing this work ... it ain't pretty when it is going on ... and sometimes I can smile at myself after an episode ... I sometimes muse that this is what it is like to be bonkers while still sane ...

 

Oh well ... another day in paradise ... hope you are having a good day ... 

[[be...]]

When one window closes..another one opens.

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... that's a righteous p...off ... what do you do when you live in a shoe, buy a boot and call it a highrise ...

 

I have often thought we could do a stage play ... The Benzo Automotons ... or maybe a ukulele sting band ... who knows ...

 

Hope things settle out for you and you have a good evening ... 

 

I'm up for the ukulele band! I have one at home. I've actually played guitar since I was about 15. I've owned a banjo and a few basses too. Had a roommate once that had a sitar and mandolin that I liked to mess around with. The sitar was pretty fun.

[[BJ...]]

I feel somewhat relieved after my visit to the ENT today.  My breathing issues actually aren't withdrawal related, apparently.  The right sinus was very inflamed (no infection), and combined with my deviated septum, air just can't get through.  He had to force the endoscope through even after multiple sprays, which hurt like hell.  I'll be getting a CT scan to look at the whole picture on Thursday and will follow up with the doc on Monday for a discussion on corrective surgery, which he thinks I may need.  Nothing else has worked for five years.  I just want this nightmare to end.  It could do wonders getting this issue fixed for my anxiety, which is predominantly related to my not breathing very well.  Fortuhnately, he's a benzo-aware doctor and good friend otherwise, so I trust his judgment. 

 

Otherwise, I have taken the suggestions here in the thread to heart, implemented them, and have found some modest relief.  I wish I could function better at work in that stressful hot box, but I'll take what I can get even if it's just a little.

 

Thanks, buddies.  To continued healing...

[[Co...]]

BJames...very glad to hear that you are feeling reassured. It was that you got it checked out.  The endoscope sounds a little brutal....Wonderful that you have a benzo wise doc who you trust....I sincerely hope you do not need a surgery. ...We do indeed develop straight forward medical issues that require treatment...and w/d makes them that much worse. At least you have a concrete explanation for your breathing difficulties...that alone will help your anxiety back down.

........hope you are feeling a little less anxiety about the breathing.....coop

.

[[so...]]

I'm sorry to post something negative, being so new to the group, but I'm scared.  I have fallen back into acute symptoms after 9.5 months out and I don't know how to cope with the panting, nausea, heart palps, stomach issues.

 

I just don't know how I fell back like this. I've been sicker today than I've ever been.  I'm already bedridden.  I just don't know how to relax and let this just pass.  You are all so strong.  This is grabbing me at my core.  Sorry for the sucky post.  Looking for some encouragement.

 

Hope you all are having a healing day.

 

 

[[Si...]]

I'm sorry to post something negative, being so new to the group, but I'm scared.  I have fallen back into acute symptoms after 9.5 months out and I don't know how to cope with the panting, nausea, heart palps, stomach issues.

 

I just don't know how I fell back like this. I've been sicker today than I've ever been.  I'm already bedridden.  I just don't know how to relax and let this just pass.  You are all so strong.  This is grabbing me at my core.  Sorry for the sucky post.  Looking for some encouragement.

 

Hope you all are having a healing day.

 

No worries, we're here to help. A lot of us have had this happen. I nearly felt recovered from months 5-10, but I got the flu and it put me back into what felt like acute. Of course it's about the most un-fun things ever. Just do whatever you can to pass the time and distract.

[[BJ...]]

Hello.  Perhaps you're doing a little bit of over breathing yourself from the anxiety.  It fits with the array of symptoms you mentioned.  My best suggestion is to try and work on diaphragm breathing and try to reactivate your body's calming mechanisms.  I know as much as anybody how difficult that can be.  Sometimes you just have to bear down and weather the storm.  It will pass.

[[Si...]]

Yeah BJames has good suggestions. I like to use essential oils. Mostly lavender, but my wife has a concoctions that I like a lot. The two I know are in it are lavender and sandalwood.

[[Fi...]]

Sofa--sorry you're in such a bad way.  The nasty truth of this is that healing is non-linear.  We just don't get a little bit better each day, the way we usually envision healing.  It's entirely normal to get way worse or develope new symptoms way out.  I only joined the board officially when I was 15 months out, just in time to realize the fact that I had just gone from thinking I was well into the worst wave of fatigue ever was entirely normal.

 

Some people can't watch TV, but if you can, I'll just pass on that my go-to distraction from my own sick train of thought was to plulg into How I Met Your Mother from the beginning.  Now I'm finishing up friends.  Somehow something that would make me laugh and that I could watch knowing nothing too weird or scary would come up was a help. I watched many an episode--or two or three-in the middle of the night.

 

The only way through this is through it, so just keep hanging on one minute at a time.

 

Love,FJ