12-18 month support

[[be...]]

Hi everyone!

I've haven't been on here in a while, but wanted to check in. I feel like I'm a solid 95% healed. It's like a light switch went off, I just woke up one day and felt like me again, I still have some physical sx, but mentally I feel like myself again. All my motivation and most of my energy has returned, I'm not thinking about w/d at all... I think of all of you on a daily basis, but I'm not thinking about sx 24/7. I still think that I have some healing to do, but I don't think it will be too long. My waves hit me hard right up until the end, it got worse, it got harder, and now everything has cleared. Love you all, Jenny

 

 

Jenny, I'm so incredibly happy for you.  95% healed. I sure hope you are contagious..pass it around please!!! Not thinking of the withdrawal 24/7..can't wait for that to happen.

Enjoy your day and your healing!!

[[Si...]]

Taking the Flonase did seem to rev up my symptoms, but otherwise I was dealing with such bad congestion in my right side I couldn't breathe.  I have ZERO coping skills when it comes to anxiety other than to go find some place to hide and be by myself.  I might as well be back in acute.  I generally try to stay positive about this, but that seems hardly possible during the worst of times.  I used to get the breathing stuff really bad late last summer, but somehow found my way out of it.  I did nothing.  It just resolved on its own.

 

I do believe if I can get some moderate sinus relief that it will help tremendously.  I will definitely try the heat on the sternum.  It is very tender from all the chest breathing that's been going on.

 

Thanks for your response, Coop.  Last summer I had the reflux stuff big-time, and I know it's terrible to deal with.  Fortunately it resolved on its own after taking some PPI's (for a month or so) and eating better and hasn't really come back.

 

Be well.

 

BJ

 

Oh man I do feel for you! I got hit really hard when I was trying to rapid taper. I was at work and I couldn't breath. I thought I was going to die from it. I just walked around outside for a while. It's absolutely terrible. Nova has some good suggestions to try. I know nothing can completely take it away until it decides to go. Maybe it will help to take the edge off.

[[Gr...]]

It's wonderful to read a post of someone completely healing, proof that there is light at the end of this nightmare tunnel.

 

I don't mean to break the chain of positivity, but I don't know what else to do other than to post here and please ask for support.  I had another rough night last night.  I managed to get 3-4 hours of sleep, and woke up feeling like I couldn't take a deep breath.  The right side of my sinuses has been completely plugged.  Taking OTC meds hasn't really done the trick.  It feels damned near impossible to get my breathing under control and end this hyperventilation cycle I'm in.  My anxiety is through the stratosphere.  Even worse is that I'm at work.  I'm trying tough it out but am having a tough time with it.  I feel so sick.

 

The sinus stuff was so bad I relented and took the Flonase.  It brought some relief to the nasal pressure I was having, but my symptoms are completely ramped up.  It's taking a whole lot to calm down.  I see a good ENT tomorrow, but between the sinuses and withdrawal, I feel completely helpless.  I just can't believe I can have a wave like this at this point in my recovery.  It seems impossible.  People have told me I need to use my relaxation techniques, but they don't understand.  A lot of that stuff seems worthless during times like this.

 

I've read countless posts about how terrible waves happen to people during Year 2, but until it actually happens to you it's not quite real.  I'm so sorry we're all having to go through this.  We don't deserve it, especially as a consequence of trusting our doctors.

 

Hope everyone is much better than I am these days.

 

BJ

 

BJames, the feeling of sinus pain, pressure and congestion is a common symptom in withdrawal. some have it worse than others.  When I had it in tolerance, I didn't know any better and went to many doctors to try to treat it.  I was convinced it was a sinus infection, and stupidly took a lot of antibiotics, which probably made me worse.  My sinus pain was so bad, it was agony.  I thought it had to be an infection.

 

Just be careful you don't start logging in a log of medications, cuz they might end up making you feel worse and not help the problem. 

 

what might help is breathing in steam, saline rinse, which you can buy in the drug store, and there are certain trigger points around the nose, on the bridge, and near the brows, that when you press firmly help a little with sinus pain.  good luck and be cautious with meds and OTCs

[[Gr...]]

Jenny, my girl, I cannot tell you how happy I was to read your post.  I just last night checked to see if you had been on, and, no, you hadn't, and I knew it was good news.  I am so, so happy for you, success and healing could not happen to a better person.  The part about getting energy and motivation back got me really excited  !

 

Seriously, my heart is swelling with happiness for you.  I cannot wait to read your story.

[[No...]]

Good Evening ... quiet here tonight ... I had a mild sort of day ... the heavy stuff seems to have lift for a while ...

 

Hope everyone has a good evening ... 

[[pe...]]

Awesome Jenny!!!!!! I'm so happy for you. Whoot!

 

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Good Evening ... quiet here tonight ... I had a mild sort of day ... the heavy stuff seems to have lift for a while ...

 

Hope everyone has a good evening ... 

 

......Glad to hear this Nova....you needed a break...hope it continues into the evening and you get some good sleep.  coop

[[Co...]]

Well, I can throw my hat in the positivity circle ....An Effortless Mind day for me.  All the stars in the heavens aligned I'm my favor....Had decent sleep last night and woke up happy..  Ran around and did some errands with my ex, went out for lunch, negotiated my cable bill ( that alone is a sign of healing...that would put me in a twirl before benzos), puttered around and made an actual dinner.  Granted it was still reflux food ....and my reflux was less today. ..Clarity, energy, little to no anxiety and health fears.  I am prepared for it to all disappear tomorrow, but until it does I am grateful, encouraged and hopeful.  Wishing the same for every one of you... coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... good to hear you had an effortless day ... you deserve it ...

 

Going to shut down pretty soon ... hope my stuff stays on the low burner tonight ... 

[[Si...]]

Glad you had a good day coop!

 

We'll see you on the flip side Nova.

 

Today was ok for me. Lower head pressure today. Slept 4 hours last night. So I continue my saying of four is a lot better than none. We're going to have rain all week. There were several traffic lights out and a whole main road to my house blocked off in my neighborhood on my way home. Had to circle around our whole zip to get tithe other side so I could get home. Then we had no power for about 3-½ hours. Not too bad though. We have a bunch of candles. It started to get warm though until the power came back on. Have a urologist appt in the morning that is always schedule for once a year. Not looking forward to that one. I had surgery as a kid, so it's one of those I have to do every year.

 

Hope everyone has a nice evening.

[[so...]]

Hi everyone.  I've never posted before, but I feel I know all of you as my dear friends.  I started reading the 12-18 month thread from the beginning, then went and read the 6-12 month thread.  Very bassackwards sp? I know, which tells you how my brain is currently functioning these days.  Although I'm only 9.75 months out from my CT jump off all meds, I feel like you are my family and I hope you don't mind me being the runt of the withdrawal litter and will allow me to tag along with all of you the rest of the way home.

 

I suffer from insomnia, pulsatile "head whooshing" tinnitus, heart palps, high anxiety, no tolerance for good or bad stress, intrusive looping bad thoughts, GI issues, agoraphobia, breathlessness and akathisia.  I am bedridden, except to get up and pace my backyard and smoke. 

 

I am very lonely, with my 12 year old pug Opie as my constant companion, because I've isolated myself from my beloved family, not wanting to expose my grown children and grandchildren to what I'm going through during this awful post withdrawal period.  You are my only friends.  I hope I'm welcome here.

[[Fi...]]

Sofakingdone--of course you're welcome!  Ha ha, I always feel a special affinity to somebody who had opiates in the mix of benzos they had to quit since I did too.  Your symptoms all sound like the stuff everyone's been suffering from.  I identify with you just wanting to avoid your kids and grandkids because you don't want them to see you like this.  Grown kids don't seem any better than anybody else at understanding this and it can kind of break your heart whenever you start longing for them to be able to.

 

Hang tight.  Maybe you will heal faster than some of us long timers.  It could happen!

[[so...]]

FJ, thank yo so much.  I've read all your posts in the 6-12 and 12-18 month threads and I know your journey with opiates is similar to mine.  I hope my recovery will be 100% like yours as well.  This weekend I was thrown back into acute WD, which scared the heebie jeebies out of me.  My withdrawal has been so different from most others so far. 

 

In 9.75 months, I've never had a "window" per se, just a couple of dirty windshields with bird crap on them.  I don't get brain zaps, tingling, headaches, burning, or other painful sensations (thank God!).  The akathisia went away in month 8.  The nausea has been gone since month 4, except for an unwelcome visit yesterday when I experienced all my acute symptoms.  I honestly wish I knew from what drug I am withdrawing???  I guess it doesn't matter, but It would still be nice to put a "face" on this withdrawal process.

 

 

[[Gr...]]

FJ, thank yo so much.  I've read all your posts in the 6-12 and 12-18 month threads and I know your journey with opiates is similar to mine.  I hope my recovery will be 100% like yours as well.  This weekend I was thrown back into acute WD, which scared the heebie jeebies out of me.  My withdrawal has been so different from most others so far. 

 

In 9.75 months, I've never had a "window" per se, just a couple of dirty windshields with bird crap on them. I don't get brain zaps, tingling, headaches, burning, or other painful sensations (thank God!).  The akathisia went away in month 8.  The nausea has been gone since month 4, except for an unwelcome visit yesterday when I experienced all my acute symptoms.  I honestly wish I knew from what drug I am withdrawing???  I guess it doesn't matter, but It would still be nice to put a "face" on this withdrawal process.

 

Sofa, welcome, welcome.  A lot of us are temporarily estranged from the world.  Don't worry, it all comes back.  and with prose like this:  I've never had a "window" per se, just a couple of dirty windshields with bird crap on them. you have a special place in my heart!

Glad you're here.  You don't have to do this alone.

 

[[Gr...]]

Coop, glad to hear of you good day.

 

Nova, so glad your 'stuff' lifted. 

 

I'm so happy to hear Jenny's news.

 

I'm on a weird schedule now, sleeping so late, and not much day.  I'm too grateful for the sleep to complain.  I feel okay, like Coop, except for the lack of energy I'd be pretty good.  except my days and nights are flipped. 

 

Have a good evening, everyone.

[[Fi...]]

Sofa--maybe we have our own combo of symptoms from both opioids and benzos.  I was spared the brain zaps, DR, DP and all that.  I was 8 months off of opioids before I went off of Xanax.  It was at that point that I got new and different symptoms that were clearly about benzos, but since i wasn't suffering quite as bad with the CNS stuff as the others, for a long time I didn't think I was really in benzo withdrawal.  The fact that my healing dragged out so long makes me know that of course in the end i was.  It doesn't really matter which symptoms are from which since in the end they all go away!

[[so...]]

Hi Green!  Thanks for the welcome!  I feel like I already know you, having read the entire 6-12 month and 12-18 month threads.  I'm live in inzombniac land so I'll probably be posting while everybody's asleep.

 

I always get a 4 alarm cortisol wake up call at 4am, complete with heart palps and pulsating head whooshing, and sometimes I just can't fall asleep at all.  This is one of those nights.

 

I wrote this much too long post and it all just disappeared.  Guess you've all been spared my incessant questions and musings about my withdrawal journey for the time being.

 

 

[[so...]]

Although I feel like a shaky chihuahua with a gun to my head from 4am to 6pm, I'm completely normal around 7pm.  For the first 8 months, I got my normal between 4pm and 5pm, but it's pushed to 7-8pm now.  Anybody else have a Groundhog Day pattern like this?

 

When I went to Urgent Care for racing heart palps, the doctor explained what was happening to me.  She did sleep studies during her internship at Yale and many of the "normal" subjects would have blood pressure readings of 190/95 and BPMs of 120-150 when they hit rem sleep.  It wouldn't even wake them up!  She said it makes sense that someone like me, who doesn't normally get BP and BPM spikes during rem sleep, would wake up in a panic full of anxiety.

[[so...]]

Thanks, FJ, for the reassurance that this withdrawal experience will eventually be in my rear view mirror.  I definitely cannot hear this enough.  Like everyone else, I constantly battle the "this is the new me" and "this is the rest of my life" thought loops.

 

I dropped acid a few times in college while trying to burn down the B of A during several protests.  Orange sunshine can't hold a candle to withdrawal. 

 

It just has to end.  I'll be 62 years old August 31st and I've lost so much weight I look like a skeleton with crepe paper hanging from my bones.  My college days crocheted bikini would fall to the floor.  This has to end.  I already have to run around in the shower to get wet.

[[No...]]

Sofakingdone ... welcome ...

 

So, running around the shower is a form of exercise, as long as your wear your helmet, elbow and knee pads ... 

 

And ... I am curious ... which is it? ... sofa-king-done or so-faking-done ...

 

I had a bit of holiday after I finished my taper for three months ... then acute hit ... then I had ten day window a year ago last August, clear as a bell ... and since I have been mostly looking through those dirty windshields in between bouts of energetic stuff ...

 

Again ... welcome ... nice to hear from another Buddy ... we will get through this, one day at a time ... 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... well, as Siggy said, it is the flip side ... another super warm day for us folks in the Maritimes ...

 

Things seem fairly quiet this morning ... only got three hours of sleep with a long involved dream sort of thing ...

 

Still achy and bloated and my throat is congested ... another day in paradise ...

 

Potato and leek soup today with crispy bacon bits on top and some biscuits ...

 

Have a good Tuesday everyone ... 

[[BJ...]]

I appreciate all the replies to my posts from yesterday.  I've been an absolute train wreck and am so weary of the compassion fatigue from my family I had nowhere else to go.  I felt I needed to get my feelings out there just to see that others could relate.  It always helps to see that I'm not alone.

 

An update: Yesterday afternoon I was able to find some way to calm down....to some extent.  The Flonase wore off at about a few hours or so.  During a physical therapy session, the practitioner I work with, who is very good at what he does, showed how the spinal joints below my cervical fusion were stiff, so he loosened them up with some unusual body manipulations.  The cracks and pops were quite telling.  My whole neck loosened up, along with a lot of the sinus stuffiness.  Perhaps a lot of the physical ailments we endure in the face are actually muscle contractions and misaligned nerve responses that cause us such grief.  Who knows.  At least my sinuses are a bit more open than they have been for months.

 

Otherwise, I'm still riding the tidal wave and hoping to crash down on a beach somewhere soon.  I slept decently last night...maybe 5-6 hours, which is normal for me.  I took a light 1.5-mile walk this morning to calm down the anxiety, which remains at high levels.  The chest is sore.  I did the heating pad last night and it does help.  It took a while, but I was able to calm my breathing down with some effort.  I just need to continue working at it.  I've been such a mess, the only side effect that's produced anything positive is about 7-8 pounds worth of weight loss.  I've been eating healthy lately.

 

I'm still very tired and the lungs are still tender.  Hopefully if I can just pace myself at work today I can get through without feeling as crummy as I did yesterday.

 

Thanks again for caring enough to respond during tough times.

 

Here's to coming out on the other end of this safe and sound.

 

BJ

[[No...]]

BJ ... good to hear you got some relief from the manipulation ... and it is good that walking helps some as well ...

 

Take it easy today and hopefully some of the tightness will not return ... 

[[Si...]]

I didn't sleep at all last night. I'm so over this bs. My stomache was churning all night. I have a urology appt this morning and then I have to head to work. This day is (already is) going to suck. I'd never have predicted I'd have to deal with some crazy shit like this. My head was just pounding all night. This makes night number two this month with no sleep.

[[Sk...]]

Good Morning ... well, as Siggy said, it is the flip side ... another super warm day for us folks in the Maritimes ...

 

Things seem fairly quiet this morning ... only got three hours of sleep with a long involved dream sort of thing ...

 

Still achy and bloated and my throat is congested ... another day in paradise ...

 

Potato and leek soup today with crispy bacon bits on top and some biscuits ...

 

Have a good Tuesday everyone ... 

 

Nova, one day, when all of this is over, will you have me for dinner ? 

 

Your food sounds amazing !