12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Would like to officially join the group, will read posts at a later date.  Thought I be done at 6 months.  Then 12 months.  Well, guess not.  Right now my anxiety is "through the roof" partially withdrawal and partially situational.  Been in hibernation mode all day which I have not done in six months.

 

Welcome, Sweet Pea.  Glad to have you aboard.  The waves get better, the anxiety gets better.  Take it from one who's been there.  Feel better.

[[Sw...]]

Thanks for the welcome gang,  coop good to be in your company again.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Sweet Pea ... I know that kind of anxiety ... I have been going through it again for the last four days ... it has been a while since I have been this rough with it ... waxing and waning all day ...

 

And yes, hibernation mode ... sometimes it is referred to as staying low and slow ...

 

Another day in paradise ... hang on ... this stuff always passes ... 

 

Nova, my heart is with you, the anxiety and heart stuff is the worst.  Hoping this breaks soon for you.  Also, you being three weeks ahead of me, are you starting month 23 next week?  is it t :sick:he 19th?  okay, three days.  Nova, hang on, this stuff is miserable, but it always breaks at some point.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I've been off line for a week.  I'm still suffering in month 21. My W/d symptoms are all physical with burning skin, cramping muscles, weak legs, crushing Benzo bellie.  All these painful symptoms cause me to be depressed because I feel too awful to do anyrhing.  Trying to fight the depression & pain with sleep.  My sleep is like Greens 4am to 3 pm, not straight through, usually wake up every 2 hrs.

Just so tired of this.  Maybe I should cry and see if that would bring on a window. I'm sorry I'm Debbie Downer, but who else can I tell that will no what I'm talking about.

 

Sorry All of you are also in waves. I hope that means we're all close to the finish line.

 

Green- congrats on being able to ride your bike. I hope I get that energy soon.  So Happy for you.

 

Coop- sorry you're still having tummy issues. Give the Prilosec a little time. You may have some areas of your esophagus that need to heal.  I also recommend Kefir. That may also help.

 

I've got to get off again just too painful.  I'll check back soon when i get some relief.

 

Korbe, my heart goes out to you.  I find this period extremely challenging, and I don't have as many physical symptoms as you do, I don't have the nerve pain.  Hang on as best you can, these symptoms will start to drop away at some point.  The odd pattern of sleep convinces me that some sort of healing is going on.

Take good care of yourself.  This will pass.  We just have to get through it.

 

[[Gr...]]

I want to thank all of you for the birthday wishes!  No matter how miserable the process is, I like to celebrate the birthdays.

 

Nova, Korbe, I can hear you both having a terrible time.  Please that you feel better soon.

 

Coop, you hit it right on the head, the physical symptoms are kicking our butts!  It's comforting to know we're all getting hit, but it's still a struggle coping.

I can understand how people forget the first year, although I don't, but I don't think we'll ever forget the second year.

 

Have a better day, everyone.

[[Si...]]

Just an update. I slept well agwin last night. Woke up,to th typical headache that hasn't gone away. We went and met some friends at the Piedmont Art Festival. Walked around for a few hours in the heat, but it was good to get out and have some sun. Fish and chips for lunch and then King of Pops fruit popsicle after. Luckily I can eat fruit without any problems. Depression still lingering. Hope everyone is having a decent (as possible) Sunday.

[[No...]]

Green ... next Sunday I start month 23 ... whoopee ...

[[No...]]

Siggy ... glad you had a good day out ... yep ... we keep slogging along ... 

[[...]]

Marj.  You have earned so many whine and cry points. I know I could not do this and be a present parent. Supporting your daughter, shopping, doing house chores that won't get done except for you.....and working.....Whine on girl, I am listening ...and you have my huge respect. .....Spot on ....going for a "crappy" walk and not giving a damn about what anyone thinks. I call that survival.  Every day you are closer Marj.  So glad you went on that walk, even if it was crappy it was away by yourself ....away from your house....away from the grocery. 

....I hope you caught a break...and I am wishing you a sunbreak.  coop

 

Thanks as always Coop.  The walk did help and I slept quite well after staying up late to watch a film. Wow has today been a struggle, oh dear. I think Sky said last week ''what is it about Sunday and WD''. My symptoms have been mainly physical too, but they really do get you down don't they. Body tension, breathing issues, the worst fatigue, then fog set in whilst I was making some soup. I have been having a similar veggie time as Nova. Used butternut squash, carrot, kale, cauliflower, onion and broccoli. Plenty of turmeric and other seasoning for a healthy soup. The colour isn't great but tastes really good. Couldn't think clearly while doing it, still can't now. It's like my brain shuts down.

 

Days like this make me think the awful thoughts, just like Drew has been. Wow, even typing in a concise way is difficult right now. I'm hoping its my brain doing some maintenance work.

 

Tantrums all round here with Green, Beulah and Nova. Yes the frustration stinks.

 

Good that you got out Siggy and had a decent evening  amazing how we survive this and just make the best of the ton of dung that has been dumped on us. I suppose we have to keep shovelling away until we find our way through it. Yes, it quite simply is survival. Life will be sweet without this 

 

Oh and welcome Sweetpea. You will be helped and comforted here. I love sweetpeas, their fragrance is so delicate. My Mum grows them every year, ever since I was a child.

 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Marj.  You have earned so many whine and cry points. I know I could not do this and be a present parent. Supporting your daughter, shopping, doing house chores that won't get done except for you.....and working.....Whine on girl, I am listening ...and you have my huge respect. .....Spot on ....going for a "crappy" walk and not giving a damn about what anyone thinks. I call that survival.  Every day you are closer Marj.  So glad you went on that walk, even if it was crappy it was away by yourself ....away from your house....away from the grocery. 

....I hope you caught a break...and I am wishing you a sunbreak.  coop

 

Thanks as always Coop.  The walk did help and I slept quite well after staying up late to watch a film. Wow has today been a struggle, oh dear. I think Sky said last week ''what is it about Sunday and WD''. My symptoms have been mainly physical too, but they really do get you down don't they. Body tension, breathing issues, the worst fatigue, then fog set in whilst I was making some soup. I have been having a similar veggie time as Nova. Used butternut squash, carrot, kale, cauliflower, onion and broccoli. Plenty of turmeric and other seasoning for a healthy soup. The colour isn't great but tastes really good. Couldn't think clearly while doing it, still can't now. It's like my brain shuts down.

 

Days like this make me think the awful thoughts, just like Drew has been. Wow, even typing in a concise way is difficult right now. I'm hoping its my brain doing some maintenance work.

 

Tantrums all round here with Green, Beulah and Nova. Yes the frustration stinks.

 

Good that you got out Siggy and had a decent evening  amazing how we survive this and just make the best of the ton of dung that has been dumped on us. I suppose we have to keep shovelling away until we find our way through it. Yes, it quite simply is survival. Life will be sweet without this 

 

Oh and welcome Sweetpea. You will be helped and comforted here. I love sweetpeas, their fragrance is so delicate. My Mum grows them every year, ever since I was a child.

 

Awful thoughts here too. Arrrrgggh !

 

Today was really rough, don't really know what to say.

 

I am off to bed, it's been a really bad day.

 

  Last night, I had a nightmare. I dreamt I was under a Tsunami wave, I looked up at it, it was higher than high and I knew I was going to die.

 

That's when I started shrieking out loud and the whole family, cats and dogs included, was around me. Mr Sky tells me it was 2 am. He would like to know what he is supposed to do to avoid a heartattack as long as I have these nightmares. 

 

What I wonder, the wave in the nighmare, was it a reference to what today would be ? 

 

 

THe night before, I dreamt of Bruce Willis. I thought that was promising and  sure sign of healing.

 

Oh well, one day we' ll laugh about this. Not soon enough though.

 

Nighty night, sorry for not answering your posts, I am foggier than usual today.

 

Green, happy birthday ! You are so  doing this !

[[Si...]]

Hope you sleep well tonight Sky. I hate the nightmares. I had a great dream about puppies a few weeks ago when I was in my window. Then after entering this wave I had a terrifying nightmare. I actually don't even remember what it was now because I didn't want to think about it after having it. It woke me up in a panic though in the middle of the night. Hope you don't have any more of those. Usually I don't remember dreams at all. May your Monday be much more pleasant. 

[[BJ...]]

Marj.  You have earned so many whine and cry points. I know I could not do this and be a present parent. Supporting your daughter, shopping, doing house chores that won't get done except for you.....and working.....Whine on girl, I am listening ...and you have my huge respect. .....Spot on ....going for a "crappy" walk and not giving a damn about what anyone thinks. I call that survival.  Every day you are closer Marj.  So glad you went on that walk, even if it was crappy it was away by yourself ....away from your house....away from the grocery. 

....I hope you caught a break...and I am wishing you a sunbreak.  coop

 

Thanks as always Coop.  The walk did help and I slept quite well after staying up late to watch a film. Wow has today been a struggle, oh dear. I think Sky said last week ''what is it about Sunday and WD''. My symptoms have been mainly physical too, but they really do get you down don't they. Body tension, breathing issues, the worst fatigue, then fog set in whilst I was making some soup. I have been having a similar veggie time as Nova. Used butternut squash, carrot, kale, cauliflower, onion and broccoli. Plenty of turmeric and other seasoning for a healthy soup. The colour isn't great but tastes really good. Couldn't think clearly while doing it, still can't now. It's like my brain shuts down.

 

Days like this make me think the awful thoughts, just like Drew has been. Wow, even typing in a concise way is difficult right now. I'm hoping its my brain doing some maintenance work.

 

Tantrums all round here with Green, Beulah and Nova. Yes the frustration stinks.

 

Good that you got out Siggy and had a decent evening  amazing how we survive this and just make the best of the ton of dung that has been dumped on us. I suppose we have to keep shovelling away until we find our way through it. Yes, it quite simply is survival. Life will be sweet without this 

 

Oh and welcome Sweetpea. You will be helped and comforted here. I love sweetpeas, their fragrance is so delicate. My Mum grows them every year, ever since I was a child.

 

Looks like we're experiencing the same symptoms.  I get periodic peaks of normality these last four days before descending quickly back into the abyss.  I feel awful.  It's hard to relax and the hyperventilation has been tough to wrestle with today.

[[Gr...]]

Nova, month 23 is a whoopee!  I'm in charge of birthdays around here, and I say we get a cake.  I'll start looking now.  I need to start now, lol, it'll take me a week to get a cake link that works!  I'm challenged by that!

 

Sig, Sky, good dreams, bad dreams, and Bruce Willis dreams.  I think dreams are good, it means you're getting deep sleep.

 

Marj, I know you're struggling a little, but I hear improvement 

 

Dang, it was hot and humid today.  Keep on keeping on, everyone.

[[je...]]

Hi everyone!

I've haven't been on here in a while, but wanted to check in. I feel like I'm a solid 95% healed. It's like a light switch went off, I just woke up one day and felt like me again, I still have some physical sx, but mentally I feel like myself again. All my motivation and most of my energy has returned, I'm not thinking about w/d at all... I think of all of you on a daily basis, but I'm not thinking about sx 24/7. I still think that I have some healing to do, but I don't think it will be too long. My waves hit me hard right up until the end, it got worse, it got harder, and now everything has cleared. Love you all, Jenny

[[...]]

Hi everyone!

I've haven't been on here in a while, but wanted to check in. I feel like I'm a solid 95% healed. It's like a light switch went off, I just woke up one day and felt like me again, I still have some physical sx, but mentally I feel like myself again. All my motivation and most of my energy has returned, I'm not thinking about w/d at all... I think of all of you on a daily basis, but I'm not thinking about sx 24/7. I still think that I have some healing to do, but I don't think it will be too long. My waves hit me hard right up until the end, it got worse, it got harder, and now everything has cleared. Love you all, Jenny

 

OMG Jenny this is such wonderful news!!! I have been thinking of you often and wondering how you are. This gives me hope on what feels at the moment like a torturous time that will never end. You are proof that it does and I know how badly you have suffered. I'm so glad you posted this. Was it really like a light switch? Bizzarely amazing!!! Love to you

[[Co...]]

Hi everyone!

I've haven't been on here in a while, but wanted to check in. I feel like I'm a solid 95% healed. It's like a light switch went off, I just woke up one day and felt like me again, I still have some physical sx, but mentally I feel like myself again. All my motivation and most of my energy has returned, I'm not thinking about w/d at all... I think of all of you on a daily basis, but I'm not thinking about sx 24/7. I still think that I have some healing to do, but I don't think it will be too long. My waves hit me hard right up until the end, it got worse, it got harder, and now everything has cleared. Love you all, Jenny

 

OMG Jenny this is such wonderful news!!! I have been thinking of you often and wondering how you are. This gives me hope on what feels at the moment like a torturous time that will never end. You are proof that it does and I know how badly you have suffered. I'm so glad you posted this. Was it really like a light switch? Bizzarely amazing!!! Love to you

 

......Jenny!....I am thrilled beyond words for you....my heart is doing a happy dance.. .Your post will get me through to the end of this. ..I am about 85% and it is reflux and fatigue that is standing in my way .  I know when these clear up I will be living at 90% and even if I hang out at 90% for another year I will be as happy as can be...

....Thank you so much for coming back on and giving us this huge encouragement and hope.....Wishing you every happiness and joy you deserve it so much you traveled a a long hard road. Amazing that the last of your healing was that " I woke up one morning and I was myself again" ....and, " I had sx up to the end".  So very hopeful for the rest of us. ...

.....love to you dear friend......coop

[[Aq...]]

Hi everyone!

I've haven't been on here in a while, but wanted to check in. I feel like I'm a solid 95% healed. It's like a light switch went off, I just woke up one day and felt like me again, I still have some physical sx, but mentally I feel like myself again. All my motivation and most of my energy has returned, I'm not thinking about w/d at all... I think of all of you on a daily basis, but I'm not thinking about sx 24/7. I still think that I have some healing to do, but I don't think it will be too long. My waves hit me hard right up until the end, it got worse, it got harder, and now everything has cleared. Love you all, Jenny

 

This is AMAZING! Feeling so happy for you.  Proof, that it does happen!

[[Sk...]]

Jenny,

 

THAT'S A-M-A-Z-I-N-G !! :oXo:

 

So happy to hear that, so hopeful after reading this.

 

LIke a switch ? Unbelievable.

 

Please let us know about your success story, when you are ready for it. 

[[No...]]

Jenny ... this is wonderful news ... I am so happy for you ... you travelled a long and torturous road these last many months ... and your post brings happiness and encouragement for all of us here ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[No...]]

Good Afternoon ... well ... things have lightened up a touch ... another sign (who the heck needs another one) that this is constantly shifting ... this shift was signalled by a return of loud tinnitus ... would rather put up with the tinnitus than the head pressure ...

 

Arms and legs are very stiff and achy today ... and the benzo belly is still around ... and it is way to warm outside to suit this old man ...

 

Hope we all have a quiet day ... 

[[BJ...]]

It's wonderful to read a post of someone completely healing, proof that there is light at the end of this nightmare tunnel.

 

I don't mean to break the chain of positivity, but I don't know what else to do other than to post here and please ask for support.  I had another rough night last night.  I managed to get 3-4 hours of sleep, and woke up feeling like I couldn't take a deep breath.  The right side of my sinuses has been completely plugged.  Taking OTC meds hasn't really done the trick.  It feels damned near impossible to get my breathing under control and end this hyperventilation cycle I'm in.  My anxiety is through the stratosphere.  Even worse is that I'm at work.  I'm trying tough it out but am having a tough time with it.  I feel so sick.

 

The sinus stuff was so bad I relented and took the Flonase.  It brought some relief to the nasal pressure I was having, but my symptoms are completely ramped up.  It's taking a whole lot to calm down.  I see a good ENT tomorrow, but between the sinuses and withdrawal, I feel completely helpless.  I just can't believe I can have a wave like this at this point in my recovery.  It seems impossible.  People have told me I need to use my relaxation techniques, but they don't understand.  A lot of that stuff seems worthless during times like this.

 

I've read countless posts about how terrible waves happen to people during Year 2, but until it actually happens to you it's not quite real.  I'm so sorry we're all having to go through this.  We don't deserve it, especially as a consequence of trusting our doctors.

 

Hope everyone is much better than I am these days.

 

BJ

[[Co...]]

BJ....it's going to be ok. Glad to hear that you are going to see an ENT...more than likely he will tell you that you are fine, but imo it's wise to have things checked out. There are differing approaches to seeing the doctor. Some do better not going in and others feel better getting an assessment. I have always had major sx checked out and have had nothing diagnosed other than my current GERD..  For me, if for no other reason than the reassurance that things are ok.  It helps the nagging worry and made it easier for me to tame my health fears. There is no shame in seeing the doctor..  the only goal here is to make it through w/d.  .....there is no one way or right or wrong way.  Having said all of that, breathing issues and hyperventilating seem to be a very common sx in the second year.....and like many of the sx, self perpetuating. The more you can't breathe the more your anxiety ramps, the more your anxiety ramps the more you can't breathe and on and on it goes. You are absolutely right, at the height of anxiety straregies go right out the window and you are left with white knuckling survival. My reflux started with a cough and breathing issues in month 17/18.  ....several clinic visits, a lot of health fear, anxiety and panic..  .so far everything checks out ok ( a couple of scans later this week), but it has taken a few months to get on top of it....Whenever I felt like I couldn't breathe I used moist heavy hot packs to my chest, it relaxes your chest wall muscles....and you....I know you can't do that at work....but when you can it helps. It will eventually go away, but while you are waiting for it to go away it is a torture.

    You have my sympathies.  It's miserable and scary and more than likely a w/d sx..  So sorry you are going through this.  ...coop

[[BJ...]]

Taking the Flonase did seem to rev up my symptoms, but otherwise I was dealing with such bad congestion in my right side I couldn't breathe.  I have ZERO coping skills when it comes to anxiety other than to go find some place to hide and be by myself.  I might as well be back in acute.  I generally try to stay positive about this, but that seems hardly possible during the worst of times.  I used to get the breathing stuff really bad late last summer, but somehow found my way out of it.  I did nothing.  It just resolved on its own.

 

I do believe if I can get some moderate sinus relief that it will help tremendously.  I will definitely try the heat on the sternum.  It is very tender from all the chest breathing that's been going on.

 

Thanks for your response, Coop.  Last summer I had the reflux stuff big-time, and I know it's terrible to deal with.  Fortunately it resolved on its own after taking some PPI's (for a month or so) and eating better and hasn't really come back.

 

Be well.

 

BJ

[[No...]]

BJ ... the sinus thing is tough to get through ... and... you have gotten through it before ... when you pile on the anxiety it is much tougher ...

 

Here is what gave me some relief with the congestion and breathing that I had for months last winter ... doesn't fix anything, just gave me something to work with and helped me to shift gears sometimes ...

 

I use chamomile tea when my anxiety/panic/distress gets loud ... and ... I combined that with the sinus stuff ... make the tea ... then with a towel draped over my head let the steam vapour onto my face and breathe in the steam through my nose if I can, if not just let in into my mouth and on my face ...

 

The mental part of it was not to expect any relief ... I do it for the soothing it gives me and as a distraction ... when the steam runs out drink the tea ... and if you are in the mood, do it all over again ...

 

This is one of those "sensual practices" I use when I get really wound up, don't know which way to turn, or want to get out of my skin ... these practices help me reset my "reaction response" and get through another episode ...

 

This is hard stuff we are going through ... and ... we will get through it ...

 

I found most of the OTC stuff set me off ... when the head pressure gets overwhelming sometimes an Ibuprofen helps ... and sometimes it will ignite reflux ... and sometimes does absolutely nothing ... just another crap shoot ...

 

Hang on ... you will get through this stuff ... 

[[Si...]]

Hi everyone!

I've haven't been on here in a while, but wanted to check in. I feel like I'm a solid 95% healed. It's like a light switch went off, I just woke up one day and felt like me again, I still have some physical sx, but mentally I feel like myself again. All my motivation and most of my energy has returned, I'm not thinking about w/d at all... I think of all of you on a daily basis, but I'm not thinking about sx 24/7. I still think that I have some healing to do, but I don't think it will be too long. My waves hit me hard right up until the end, it got worse, it got harder, and now everything has cleared. Love you all, Jenny

 

Jenny you made it buddy! I'm so HAPPY for you.