12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... I am having a very rough time ... woke up and feel very spacey ... and feels like anxiety/panic in the background ...

 

This feels old, feels new, I just feel confused ...

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... after sitting with this for a while, and trying not to over-think it, this is another panic episode ... and it feels miserable and scary ...

 

Feels like I am going back to "basics" ... sitting with this, distracting some, and not "acting" on it ... you would think I could find "auto-pilot" after all this time and just ignore this stuff ...

 

For me, not so ... once again, there is no escaping or avoiding what shows up ... just have to live through it ...

 

This is hard, but doable ... as with all the other times ... 

[[Ko...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I've been off line for a week.  I'm still suffering in month 21. My W/d symptoms are all physical with burning skin, cramping muscles, weak legs, crushing Benzo bellie.  All these painful symptoms cause me to be depressed because I feel too awful to do anyrhing.  Trying to fight the depression & pain with sleep.  My sleep is like Greens 4am to 3 pm, not straight through, usually wake up every 2 hrs.

Just so tired of this.  Maybe I should cry and see if that would bring on a window. I'm sorry I'm Debbie Downer, but who else can I tell that will no what I'm talking about.

 

Sorry All of you are also in waves. I hope that means we're all close to the finish line.

 

Green- congrats on being able to ride your bike. I hope I get that energy soon.  So Happy for you.

 

Coop- sorry you're still having tummy issues. Give the Prilosec a little time. You may have some areas of your esophagus that need to heal.  I also recommend Kefir. That may also help.

 

I've got to get off again just too painful.  I'll check back soon when i get some relief.

[[No...]]

Korbe ... I hope your get some relief soon ... we are thinking about you ... this has gone on a very long time for all of us ... 

[[Co...]]

Hi Coop ... I am having a very rough time ... woke up and feel very spacey ... and feels like anxiety/panic in the background ...

 

This feels old, feels new, I just feel confused ...

 

.....Nova.  it's 545 here, I just read your post. I wish I would have seen it sooner. I am so sorry Nova. You are getting jerked around with this. We all love you dearly. If I I've in your city I would come and sit with you...Stay low and slow...I so hope this lightens up for you as the day moves along... I am thinking of you Nova.....coop

[[be...]]

Good Morning ... after sitting with this for a while, and trying not to over-think it, this is another panic episode ... and it feels miserable and scary ...

 

Feels like I am going back to "basics" ... sitting with this, distracting some, and not "acting" on it ... you would think I could find "auto-pilot" after all this time and just ignore this stuff ...

 

For me, not so ... once again, there is no escaping or avoiding what shows up ... just have to live through it ...

 

This is hard, but doable ... as with all the other times ... 

 

Nova, sorry about your rough morning. Are you feeling any better? Yes, it's doable..but still hard to ride out.

 

This too..shall pass.

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... sorry you didn't get a longer sleep ...

 

The interesting thing is I am not dysfunctional ... just very miserable ...

 

I can be about and do things ... just that I am one or two steps off ... and jittery ... the clarity is very much there ... just wish the physical stuff wasn't as well ...

 

Had a walk ... made pancakes for breakfast and decanted my veggie stock ... and feel like death warmed over ... the energy is there ... and so is the other stuff ...

 

Oh well ... hope you have a good day ... have a good morning walk ... gonna be real hot here again today ... will soon close everything up until this evening ... 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... yes it is doable ... but ... I don't wanna ... 

 

Hope you have a good day ... 

[[No...]]

I feel like the little kid who has just had enough already ... and doesn't want any more of anything ...

 

He wants to lie down on the floor and bang his arms and legs and just holler ...

 

Tantrum time, you think? ... 

[[be...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I've been off line for a week.  I'm still suffering in month 21. My W/d symptoms are all physical with burning skin, cramping muscles, weak legs, crushing Benzo bellie.  All these painful symptoms cause me to be depressed because I feel too awful to do anyrhing.  Trying to fight the depression & pain with sleep.  My sleep is like Greens 4am to 3 pm, not straight through, usually wake up every 2 hrs.

Just so tired of this.  Maybe I should cry and see if that would bring on a window. I'm sorry I'm Debbie Downer, but who else can I tell that will no what I'm talking about.

 

Sorry All of you are also in waves. I hope that means we're all close to the finish line.

 

Green- congrats on being able to ride your bike. I hope I get that energy soon.  So Happy for you.

 

Coop- sorry you're still having tummy issues. Give the Prilosec a little time. You may have some areas of your esophagus that need to heal.  I also recommend Kefir. That may also help.

 

I've got to get off again just too painful.  I'll check back soon when i get some relief.

 

Kobe - So sorry you are suffering the physical symptoms. This is where I'm at in my healing. I feel like if the physical were gone I could push through of the others.

The leg cramps woke me up at dawn this morning.

Feels like depression would take a hike if the physical symptoms were gone...it wares you out.

 

Hope you get some relief. Thinking of you.

[[Co...]]

Korbe...my heart is with you...it stinks to be so far out and feel this lousy. Yes, a decent fall apart cry often releases some of the awfulness. I always feel a little better if I give into the shear weight of it once in awhile and just rant and cry for a minute ( or all morning)... A lot of us are having tough times right now.  You are not alone in this

Better days are coming Korbe.  21 months is such a long way to travel....it's ok to sit down at the side of the road and weep and wail ..  I cling to Ashton's conclusion that we all heal in time. ...You are going to heal too....I am wishing you some relief today..  .and some sunbreaks.    coop

[[Sk...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I've been off line for a week.  I'm still suffering in month 21. My W/d symptoms are all physical with burning skin, cramping muscles, weak legs, crushing Benzo bellie.  All these painful symptoms cause me to be depressed because I feel too awful to do anyrhing.  Trying to fight the depression & pain with sleep.  My sleep is like Greens 4am to 3 pm, not straight through, usually wake up every 2 hrs.

Just so tired of this.  Maybe I should cry and see if that would bring on a window. I'm sorry I'm Debbie Downer, but who else can I tell that will no what I'm talking about.

 

Sorry All of you are also in waves. I hope that means we're all close to the finish line.

 

Green- congrats on being able to ride your bike. I hope I get that energy soon.  So Happy for you.

 

Coop- sorry you're still having tummy issues. Give the Prilosec a little time. You may have some areas of your esophagus that need to heal.  I also recommend Kefir. That may also help.

 

I've got to get off again just too painful.  I'll check back soon when i get some relief.

 

Kobe - So sorry you are suffering the physical symptoms. This is where I'm at in my healing. I feel like if the physical were gone I could push through of the others.

The leg cramps woke me up at dawn this morning.

Feels like depression would take a hike if the physical symptoms were gone...it wares you out.

 

Hope you get some relief. Thinking of you.

 

Legs again ? Beulah, so sorry you are having this awful symptom.

 

Me, I will stick to my nice panic and anxiety. I read a post yesterday by Nova, who sounded just like where I am now. Arrrgh ! 

[[Co...]]

Wow...there is such a common theme going through our posts.....our sx are predominantly physical.  Me too, like Nova I can do all my stuff ( btw, what is "decanting the veggies"..?), Thank goodness we have clarity, that's huge to me  ( although a lot of my clarity gets wasted in illuminating my too vivid heath fears). It seems like we are living in some w/d desert land of better..  but worse.  Most of my mental sx are easing but the physical ( reflux...upper belly pain, body pain, fragmented sleep, ear pain and upper body muscle tightness) is stopping me in my tracks some days.

    If we are all experiencing this better.....but worse stint ...it has to be w/d..  Epsome salts hot bath soaks are the only thing I can think of to do....and my hot packs to my upper belky. The arnica that Nova suggested several months ago helps temporarily. We can all sign into Beulah's Tropical Healing Abbey for the next month... wouldn't that be the best.

....I got the dog out, made some oatmeal with apples and am fighting the temptation to get back under the comforter and drink my teccinno with a grudge.  Coffee is like oxygen to me and it pisses me off to no end that benzo took away even this small every day pleasure.....well... onward..  thinking of everyone today....hope we all get some sunbreaks today....coop

[[Co...]]

Oatmeal and apples for breakfast on Sunay instead of triple chocolate brownies, double dry cappuccino.....that says it all........coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... oops ... when I get veggies at the market, what would go into the compost I put into the slow cooker for about twelve hours and get some veggie stock ...

 

Carrot tops, broccoli and cauliflower stems, onion green tops, leek tops, corn cobs ... all that good stuff ... just need to rinse it well to get most of the sandy stuff off ... if you don't boil it "hard" it does not come out bitter ... good for sauce and gravy bases ...

 

When I get enough for filling the slow cooker about 2/3 full, I add 8 cups of water ... I get 4 containers about 1/2 litre in size ... I do this all summer and into the fall and fill the freezer ... when I have too much "compost" I just freeze it until I do another batch ...

 

[[No...]]

Coop ... "If we are all experiencing this better.....but worse stint" ... I very much agree ... this is all benzo related ...

 

As for health fears ... I had the urge to "do something" early this morning, and there is nothing "to do" except let it be ... even my health fears are boring ...

 

I even skimmed around "protracted" for a while ... and then let that go ... I don't need to try and get my head around that right now, and hopefully never ...

 

It's Sunday ... hope things mellow out for all of us ... 

[[No...]]

Sky ... sorry to hear you are in the same soup ... things will settle out eventually ... in my more "Pollyanna" moments I get the hint that things are getting healed that need to be healed ... in my more "un-mindful" moments I am hollering "enough already!!!!!!!!!!!!" ...

 

Hope you can enjoy some of your day ... 

[[be...]]

Beulah ... yes it is doable ... but ... I don't wanna ... 

 

Hope you have a good day ... 

 

Nova, I don't wanna either...can we just be done already.

We are not walking alone in this.

[[Sk...]]

Coop ... oops ... when I get veggies at the market, what would go into the compost I put into the slow cooker for about twelve hours and get some veggie stock ...

 

Carrot tops, broccoli and cauliflower stems, onion green tops, leek tops, corn cobs ... all that good stuff ... just need to rinse it well to get most of the sandy stuff off ... if you don't boil it "hard" it does not come out bitter ... good for sauce and gravy bases ...

 

When I get enough for filling the slow cooker about 2/3 full, I add 8 cups of water ... I get 4 containers about 1/2 litre in size ... I do this all summer and into the fall and fill the freezer ... when I have too much "compost" I just freeze it until I do another batch ...

 

 

Really ? Interesting !

[[Sk...]]

Wow...there is such a common theme going through our posts.....our sx are predominantly physical.  Me too, like Nova I can do all my stuff ( btw, what is "decanting the veggies"..?), Thank goodness we have clarity, that's huge to me  ( although a lot of my clarity gets wasted in illuminating my too vivid heath fears). It seems like we are living in some w/d desert land of better..  but worse.  Most of my mental sx are easing but the physical ( reflux...upper belly pain, body pain, fragmented sleep, ear pain and upper body muscle tightness) is stopping me in my tracks some days.

    If we are all experiencing this better.....but worse stint ...it has to be w/d..  Epsome salts hot bath soaks are the only thing I can think of to do....and my hot packs to my upper belky. The arnica that Nova suggested several months ago helps temporarily. We can all sign into Beulah's Tropical Healing Abbey for the next month... wouldn't that be the best.

....I got the dog out, made some oatmeal with apples and am fighting the temptation to get back under the comforter and drink my teccinno with a grudge.  Coffee is like oxygen to me and it pisses me off to no end that benzo took away even this small every day pleasure.....well... onward..  thinking of everyone today....hope we all get some sunbreaks today....coop

 

Coop, see ? it's so scary that for me it's mainly the mental symptoms.

 

Sorry about the coffee, you will make up for it soon.

 

Me, I associate coffee with tolerance and benzos.

 

Before my CT, I would need tons of it, to wake up and feel connected  during the day. Benzos were sending me in a trance, I did not know it at the time, though.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Nova....what a great way to use all the parts of the veggies that usually go in the trash. ....I am going to start doing this..

...Yep, I swing back and forth between zen and total tantrum. I am still glaring at the teccinno , willing it to turn into fresh ground Kona perfectly brewed and frothed cappuccino. .It is still the small losses that send me over the edge into spitting anger.  ..coop

[[be...]]

Sky- It's always the legs!!  I know of a few people that are still having a lot of trouble with their legs this far out and we still wonder..why the legs?  Well, in answer to myself, why do some people have back pain, shoulder, arm and stomach pain..they never had it before...because it is..what it is..that's all.

 

I have no anxiety today..but a few of you do and I really sympathize with you...it's a beast!!

All of these symptoms are kind of like Pandora Box..a concoction of everything.

 

Hope you can back down the anxiety. Rest easy.

 

[[be...]]

Wow...there is such a common theme going through our posts.....our sx are predominantly physical.  Me too, like Nova I can do all my stuff ( btw, what is "decanting the veggies"..?), Thank goodness we have clarity, that's huge to me  ( although a lot of my clarity gets wasted in illuminating my too vivid heath fears). It seems like we are living in some w/d desert land of better..  but worse.  Most of my mental sx are easing but the physical ( reflux...upper belly pain, body pain, fragmented sleep, ear pain and upper body muscle tightness) is stopping me in my tracks some days.

    If we are all experiencing this better.....but worse stint ...it has to be w/d..  Epsome salts hot bath soaks are the only thing I can think of to do....and my hot packs to my upper belky. The arnica that Nova suggested several months ago helps temporarily. We can all sign into Beulah's Tropical Healing Abbey for the next month... wouldn't that be the best.

....I got the dog out, made some oatmeal with apples and am fighting the temptation to get back under the comforter and drink my teccinno with a grudge.  Coffee is like oxygen to me and it pisses me off to no end that benzo took away even this small every day pleasure.....well... onward..  thinking of everyone today....hope we all get some sunbreaks today....coop

 

Coop-  The upper body muscle tightness in the top of my stomach let up yesterday..all day..till I ate breakfast this morning. Now it feels like I'm wearing a very tight girdle..or corset..whatever they call it these days..haven't worn one since the seventies.

 

Nova had pancakes, and you're dreaming of triple chocolate brownies...I might as well jump on the carb wagon and join you guys with a big banana split with lots of whipped cream...sweet dreams all around.

 

I hope your day turns around with lots of sunbreaks.

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Sky...sorry that your anxiety/panic is along for the ride today.. You carry on with so much grace and acceptence...Does your anxiety last all day or does it ease up over the day?...

.....We are both at about 21.5 months out...along with Green...I know we are healing and one of these days we will not be waking up to anxiety, pain, health fears, fatigue etc ...I  so glad that you are here with us, your posts always inspire me to keep moving forward...Wishing you sunbreaks today....coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah, yep..  it simply is what it is and some days we get a break and see a glimpse of what our lives will be when we are done with this....So sorry about your legs...Benzo gets us in every way possible, but as a group we are a force . ....

....yum...ice cream banana split.  Caramel sauce and pecans...If nothing else , w/d has made me realize how much I took for granted....simple things like a cappuccino and gelato and ice cream banana splits..  We are going to get it all back..  So much has already  come back... Beulah I am wishing you banana splits.  . coop