12-18 month support

[[Fi...]]

HH-- I sympathize.  Two and half years of marital drama going on here since my knee surgery.  My husband is such a prince at this point, though.  He really has tried to understand.  It helps that he's not very social so it's not like my not wanting to go out is cramping his party boy style or anything!

 

I think you made the right decision about bailing on Unbroken.  My husband and my son and I were going to go last night but I read a review that made me realize it just would not be good for me.  I'd read the book and thought it was brilliant (gave a copy to each of my twins on their 25th birthday) but I was worried about seeing scenes of torture.  I avoid those in the best of health!  Then the reviews said it managed to not be all that inspiring and uplifting in the end anyway.  So the three of us decided to go to Wild, which we had all also read.  After we got home from festivities an hour away, and after having a morning gathering at our own house, I was beat, so  I suggested everyone else probably was too and maybe we should bag the idea of the movie.  My son said no, he still did want to go to the movies.  As far as he was concerned, it was the main reason he was staying overnight rather than driving home.  Well, if it matter to him that much, I decided to suck it up and go.  I'm very glad I did because I ended up feeling okay and I really liked the movie.  I'm sure it's a much better bet for women in our situation than Unbroken!

 

But that's just how it worked out for me last night.  There have been many other times when I've bailed on things at the last minute. 

 

I know, it's such a drag feeling like you're the wet blanket when you try to protect yourself, but my feeling is that I'll be a worse pain to everybody if I try to do something that's going to leave them picking up even MORE pieces.  I think my husband gets this now too.  If I don't feel up to something, he's not that enthusiastic about being the person who's suppose to support me through it.

 

For the record here, I felt good yesterday and so optimistic I was thinking of writing a post headlined "Maybe This is What Getting Well Looks Like," but nope.  The aches and fatigue came back and I am headed to the sofa with Gilmore Girls.  I am SO SICK OF EXPLAINING MYSELF to my family.  My darling daughter-in-law, every time she encounters me when I'm down instead of up, seems to think I have some new headache or something.  It just can't be communicated to  people that no, appallingly, it's still the same stupid thing that's had me down for two years now!  (Remember, that's counting opioid withdrawal which is what I think I'm still mainly dealing with at this point.)

 

Hang in there, everybody

[[dr...]]

HH-today I felt a little better and after how bad I've been I could tell my gf was getting frustrated.  It's understandable.  I just say to myself "would you believe it could be this bad unless you experienced this?"  They try and understand but this is very difficult on them too.  I cxled a movie too yesterday. 

Today I didn't feel great but I made an effort and had a two hour lunch meeting her friends, bought her fliwers(thanked her for dealing with me the last few days ), and just got home from a movie.  I should be good for a day or two

 

 

On another note...I'm worn out from this wave I'm in guys.  Most of you are ahead of me. I know it gets better but I need to read it from those who had a tough taper and post jump that it gets better. Beuller???

[[Fi...]]

HH--I told my husband your story.  He says he bets your husband will come home feeling sheepish he even suggested you go to a movie with so much horrific violence.  But yeah, don't bite his head off.  No need to say I told you so.  Just know that you definitely did the right thing.  Not only because you still have to protect yourself and have a right to call the shots on what will be good for you and what will be harmful when you're in a wave, but because it sounds like this movie wouldn't be good for us ANY TIME.  And I'm really sorry about that, because the book was SO GOOD, and Laura Hillenbrand is my hero for managing to write her books in the grip of chronic fatigue syndrome, with which she's been afflicted for a couple of decades now!  She does not leave her house.  She cannot go out to do research.  When I read her story (there was a long article in the NYTimes Magazine recently) it makes me feel grateful that what we've got going on DOES GET BETTER WITH TIME. 

[[Co...]]

Hi 12-18 buddies....just jumping on to catch up a little. I have only read back over the last few days of posts.

.....Seems to be a theme going on with all of us about  begging out of social activities and letting our families down and feeling bad. ...Count me in.. I didn't beg off of a movie.. I begged off of Christmas Eve CHURCH.  mama mia!.  My son and daughter in law and my ex and my grandons and I had plans for weeks to go to the church that my son and daughter in law attend. . Now our family is a total mixed bag of religious bents. I am a very left Catholic/Buddhist. My son and daughter in law are both former Catholics now far ( very far) right evangelical Praise oriented. My ex borders on agnostic but sees the sacred in nature. We all respect each others' religious leanings . However I have been told by my daughter in law that it causes her concern that I am Buddhist ( I don't make a deal of it at all...not expressed much in my home etc.  No Buddhas sitting around etc.  lol.  ). ...I have visited my son and daughter in law's church a few times. It is huge. Huge. The pastor and sermon are televised on a huge screen so everyone can see and hear. People are energetic and expressive with lots of singing etc etc. I can totally see why they like it.  I on the other hand am a go to the evening Mass and hear it in chant in candle light in the tiny chapel in back of the cathederal.... The times I visited my son and daughter in law's wonderfully expressive church I was not w/ding from drugs...I was on them. ...Well, you can see where this is going. The few days preceedin Christmas Eve I was wavy and had terrible body pain . I was getting a little anxious thinking about getting ready for Christmas Eve at church and then hosting my family afterwards...I knew the morning of that I wasn't going to make it. I had to decide what to salvage...church or having my family all together with all their differing religious inclinations unwrapping gifts and eating Chinese at my house. I went with the latter. My son said he understood, but I could hear the disappointment in his voice,

My grandsons said, " but Nonni we will miss singing with you". My daughter in law clearly didn't understand. My ex gave me that look of, " ...hey, you are jumping ship and abandning" ..My daughter had the look of, " again mom, ...you are backing out of something at the last minute again,".  .

.....I felt so bad and so guilty..  We had a wonderful time anyway after they all came back after church. I made a point to ask them to tell me about the Christmas Eve program and said how much I missed sharing it with them ( which I did )

My family knows that I am w/ding from a psych drug, but at this point ( a week or so from beginning month 14) I see the skeptcism all over their faces. It is clear that they all think I am just an anxiety crazed whack a doodle. ...I don't blame them one bit. Anyone who knows me and has watched the morph over the last 2 years could not possibly come to any other conclusion. I have spent a good deal of the last 18 months thinking it myself...an anxiety ridden crazed whack a doodle. ....I can not possibly expect them to understand any of this. Thank God for all of you on BB...you really are the only people who understand any part of this....This is what I know....I do the very best I can on any given day ...and it's all unpredictable. My family does the best they can on any given day to understand and accept the very unpredictable person I have become. None of it is close to ok. .but I honestly believe that all of us ....including myself are doing the best we can ...and some day I am not going to feel, look or act like an anxiety ridden crazed whack a doodle .  and we will still be a family. 

......I think Christmas is overwhelming and stressful in the best of circumstances....self care is so important . Next year is another Christmas ....

....Wishing everyone some quiet...some return of routine and normalcy.  And your share of left over Christmas cookies....coop

 

[[Co...]]

HH.. I think you made the right decision. That is an intense movie. I wouldn't be able to manage it either...I probably wouldn't have been able to manage it before benzos. Just going to a movie at all is still challenging to me...at almost 14 months off.  I am planning on taking my oldest grandson to see the Hobbit and I am even a little worried about that. I can probably manage Wild with my daughter .

....HH...you have kept up a life of work and activities like none other ( except the Mighty Girl Peace...the two of you are strong strong strong)  I agree, I bet your hubby really undestands but misses the life he had with you before benzos stole away chunks of his loved one and his marriage. I honestly don't know how marriages survive this. You married ones are married to some kick as people...

...I hope you catch a breather HH and feel better....coop

[[Co...]]

Jrod....So sorry that you were in er on Christmas day ...and so very glad for you that everything turned out to be ok. If I am reading your signature line right, it looks like you are about 7 months out? .  It seems like there is almost a universal ' 6 month' crisis in this  awful process. So many of us have had trips to er...so scary, but getting that reassurance when all of the tests come back ok helps us get through the next scary patch a little bit better.

...Are you feeling  better? ...I honestly believe these crappy dangerous drugs should never be prescribed outside the hospital setting. ...Wishing you sunbreaks...and no more er trips....coop

[[dr...]]

Proud of all of us here for doing what we do everyday 

[[Co...]]

Drew, ...you are doing so good. You are so determined to not give up your life to it. I totally get the 'life in 30 minute increments' ...I lived my life in 15-60 minute bytes from month 4 to month 12.  At month ( almost) 14 I still have days that are parceled out in 30 minute bits.

....It does get better Drew.. and after 6 months we are just worn out and the enduring of it gets difficult and it is hard to stay positive and hopeful. The really good days that dissolve into yet another wave are so disappointing....but it gets better almost without our notice. One day you just become aware that in spite of waves things are better. I always see my improvement on my baseline more reliably than on the wave/ window pattern. I follow your posts Drew , for encouragement on staying strong and determined to keep pushing myself gently and moving forward even on bad days.

.....Our worst days are behind us...our better days are right in front of us....coop

[[Fi...]]

Coop--thanks for sharing the details of your family dynamics and how all this is affected by your withdrawal.  I find it much easier to relate to posts that go beyond a recitation of current wave symptoms.  Hey, maybe we ARE getting well if our stories can be like yours and that of HH because in the very worst of it, earlier, everybody was probably just in so much continual psychological pain that family dynamics and issues of whether we are well enough to go out might not have even come up!

 

I wrote earlier about Laura Hillenbrand, the author of Unbroken, and how she's had to cope with chronic fatigue syndrome.  I was especially moved when she explained how her family obviously did not understand and wrote her off.  The worst and most painful, she said, was that her mother was not sympathetic.  In referring to the years during which her illness was emerging, her sister now admits that, to their everlasting shame, the family was not supportive. 

 

It kind of looks like this is pretty much par for the course, folks, even for those of us who have what at least looks on the surface like supportive families.

 

I had a long talk with my therapist about how to deal with my mother in this and I'm now working on being one of those people who knows how and when to say "You know what?  I really don't want to talk about that."  Of course what I can't talk about is anything to do with how I'm feeling, because it pushes my buttons so bad when my mom starts telling me how I shouldn't feel the way I feel etc. etc.  Last time this happened my heart rate shot to 109 just sitting at the phone.

 

Yes, I'm sure they're all wishing we'd hurry up and get well, but as much as they're wishing that, they can't possible wish it as much as we ourselves do!

[[Co...]]

FJ....yes, I think you are right...up until about 2 or 3 months ago family relationships.. or even any kind of surface social relationship just wasn't on the radar. Surviving day to day was all I could do and I was trapped and consumed by sx.

  ..Now things are better...I still have wavy anxious or physically painful days but somehow I can feel good healing underneath it. In months 4-12 I was just lost in it ...and my perceptions of my family relationships were totally skewed by my very real suffering.

....Yes, I have also had to take ' breaks' from a few social relationships. ...I hope things ease up with your mother. I honestly don't expect anyone to understand any of this except the people on this forum. I try not to take in anything that someone might say to me. I have learned to keep my conversations upbeat and neutral ( fake it until you make it kind of thing). I bring it to the forum and I fortunately have one friend who is supporting her husband through Depakote w/d so she totally gets it ...but even with her I lean gently because she can only take so much . Of course it's a different thing with spouses. In some was living by myself through this has been a good thing. I have been able to be completely focused on what I need to do to get through the day. I don't know how HH, Jenny and Peace do it with little children .

  ..You sound good FJ.. Thank goodness the expectations of Christmas are easing up.  Next year will be better yet...coop

[[pe...]]

Hi Coop-

So good to see you. I'm glad the present opening went well. I love the way your family blends together. I've got neither a mom or dad as of a couple weeks ago. So it's wonderfully amazing that you and your ex can tag team for your kids. So much of what our families are missing of us is hard, and then there's also a place for perspective. They've still got you even if you're not at full throttle just yet. Lucky them.

It's great to hear that you and many bb's are saying no. It's not easy but it's so good for us! This wouldn't have happened to many of us, me for sure, if we had been more turned into our needs and willing to employ good self care. So, lets start now!

Hugs to you, lovely lady.

 

Peace2

[[He...]]

Thanks for the support last night regarding my staying home from the movie. My husband came home and said he thought I made a good call, that the movie was intense and emotional. I want to get the book, but I'll be waiting to watch the movie from home on a small screen.

 

I did a stupid thing...I went to the protracted board and it scared the living daylights out of me. At first it was ok, I was just curious about people's stories, but then I seemed to keep finding threads about getting worse at (blank) months off.  NOT good for me to read these days!  I went there after reading in the Success Stories and seeing so many that healed before me. I started feeling discouraged and went to Protracted. Bad, bad idea. 

 

I know that I have healed a lot these past months, and my fear has always been about taking a turn for the worse or getting stuck in a wave. It's hard to turn that fear off in a wave though. I worry about what my daughters are thinking, about what they will remember about this time. We have talked about it, and I try to hide as much as I can, but I wonder how much they are internalizing.

 

I have a hormone induced wave crashing over me right now, I can feel the depression welling up, fighting for equal time with the anxiety and fear. Yet, despite feeling crappy, I do believe that this is a part of the healing process. I am keeping my eyes on that two year goal!

 

I hope you all have a peaceful Saturday. I'll be packing and getting ready to leave tomorrow for a 5 day basketball trip.

 

Love,

HH

 

 

 

[[dr...]]

HH-are you my better half twin?   We both skippe movies and read protracted(mine was by accident).  It was a whole bunch of people saying they were worse at a year off than before!  I too have that same fear of one day getting worse at X month or a psychotic break.  I've learned in this state when we are wavy we can't stray from our "safe" threads. 

[[Fi...]]

HH--thanks for the report on how it went when your husband came home from the movie.  Hey, forget the movie version, just read the book!  I think sometimes reading about somebody else's completely unrelated challenge is distracting and inspiring.

 

I understand your worry about what your daughters are thinking.  I hate thinking too much about what my kids may be thinking about me.  I figure the only way to come out of this a winner is to get completely well and prove all the naysayers wrong.  That is, all the people who are just thinking we are weird and weak and flaky.  And I'm afraid I think this is what people are thinking because before this, I wasn't  always as compassionate as I should have been about people who seemed to have weird, undefinable illnesses.  Maybe this is my punishment?  Whatever, I will definitely be more compassionate in the future!

 

I have been feeling a bit abandoned by my daughter, who can't seem to grasp how needy I am and how much a phone call or e-mail from her would help.  I thought she didn't understand at all, but for Christmas she gave me an inspirational picture book called FIGHT ON that really seems to nail it.  It seems aimed at people going through addiction recovery, not that drugs or alcohol are mentioned, just that it acknowledges the challenges.  Maybe she DOES understand.

 

I thought I'd share with you guys some of the sayings:

 

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO

SEE THE WHOLE PICTURE

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT

IS BEAUTIFUL.

 

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO

UNDERSTAND IT ALL

TO MOVE FORWARD IN FAITH.

 

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO

KNOW THE ENDING IN

ORDER TO BEGIN.

 

Just want to report that I woke up quite stiff and achy so forced myself to do a little home yoga.  I think it helped!

 

Hang in there everybody!

[[je...]]

Great to hear from you Coop!! Thanks for sharing those quotes fj, they are beautiful!

[[He...]]

HH--thanks for the report on how it went when your husband came home from the movie.  Hey, forget the movie version, just read the book!  I think sometimes reading about somebody else's completely unrelated challenge is distracting and inspiring.

 

I understand your worry about what your daughters are thinking.  I hate thinking too much about what my kids may be thinking about me.  I figure the only way to come out of this a winner is to get completely well and prove all the naysayers wrong.  That is, all the people who are just thinking we are weird and weak and flaky.  And I'm afraid I think this is what people are thinking because before this, I wasn't  always as compassionate as I should have been about people who seemed to have weird, undefinable illnesses.  Maybe this is my punishment?  Whatever, I will definitely be more compassionate in the future!

 

I have been feeling a bit abandoned by my daughter, who can't seem to grasp how needy I am and how much a phone call or e-mail from her would help.  I thought she didn't understand at all, but for Christmas she gave me an inspirational picture book called FIGHT ON that really seems to nail it.  It seems aimed at people going through addiction recovery, not that drugs or alcohol are mentioned, just that it acknowledges the challenges.  Maybe she DOES understand.

 

I thought I'd share with you guys some of the sayings:

 

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO

SEE THE WHOLE PICTURE

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT

IS BEAUTIFUL.

 

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO

UNDERSTAND IT ALL

TO MOVE FORWARD IN FAITH.

 

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO

KNOW THE ENDING IN

ORDER TO BEGIN.

 

Just want to report that I woke up quite stiff and achy so forced myself to do a little home yoga.  I think it helped!

 

Hang in there everybody!

 

I'm definitely getting the book this week while up in Portland.  I can't wait to read it! 

 

I think (hope) that I hide enough of my struggle to make it not a part of my daughters' lives on a regular basis.  They know that I have times of feeling sick, which is usually accompanied with heightened anxiety, and they know that it is the medicine that made me sick....but it is crazy hard to understand the length of this recovery, for ANYONE, let alone teenagers. 

I like what you said about coming out of this a winner, AND more compassionate!! I know that I reacted so strongly to my husband's reaction last night because it seemed like he was doubting my getting better.  Whenever he does that it heightens ALL my fears, especially that it only happens when I am going through a particularly rough patch.  He never doubts my healing when I am feeling good.    He doesn't even doubt very often, that I know of, because the it is obvious that the healing is happening (I hope!).

 

It sounds like your daughter understands more than she knows how to show.  What a neat Christmas gift! 

 

Thank you for the quotes.  I really like the one about not having to understand it all to move forward in faith.  I am for sure not understanding all of this....but I will keep moving forward in faith. Striving toward my goal of being healed.

 

Nice job on getting your yoga in....I think I'm going to try to go on a walk.

[[Co...]]

HH.  I also get discouraged and caught in thinking that I am not going to heal com0letely. Then I remember that the doctor from Canada who specializes in addiction care is very clear about reliable healing requiring about 24 months. Discouraging but encouraging at the same time. I avoid the protracted board at all costs.....it can send me into a wave in no time. ...You are going to hea 100% HH.  We all are. You are 3/4 months further than me and doing so much more than I do. I am just beginning to trust that my baseline is healing at a reliable pace and am not doing anything close to what you have been doing for months. .  At 14 months I had a 3 day stretch the week before Christmas of wavy sx.. insomnia ( after improved sleep for a couple of weeks), anxiety, health fear, terrible body pain. ...Then ... it lifted to an effortless mind day .  the day AFTER Christmas.  It reminded me what my life will be in another 5/6 months. Considering the months and months of of suffering I have already logged, another few months seems doable... barely...until a wave rolls in then I am as discouraged and scared as can be. . 

.....A few more months.  With good days strung together along the way.  ...Wishing you speedy out of your wave...and sunbreaks and windows..  coop

[[He...]]

HH-are you my better half twin?   We both skippe movies and read protracted(mine was by accident).  It was a whole bunch of people saying they were worse at a year off than before!  I too have that same fear of one day getting worse at X month or a psychotic break.  I've learned in this state when we are wavy we can't stray from our "safe" threads.

 

It was TERRIBLE, Drew!!    It totally played into my fear of not healing.  I will NOT venture down that road again.  Mrs, just reminded me that we don't know the whole story.  That is very true.  All we can do is continue on down the road to healing. 

 

I hope you are doing OK today.  My fear is still raging, but I'm hoping it will calm down soon.  Here is a quote I had written down from a year ago:  "Fear is a sign of progess and healing."  I still don't know how that works, or can be true, but I will cling to it right now.   

[[He...]]

HH.  I also get discouraged and caught in thinking that I am not going to heal com0letely. Then I remember that the doctor from Canada who specializes in addiction care is very clear about reliable healing requiring about 24 months. Discouraging but encouraging at the same time. I avoid the protracted board at all costs.....it can send me into a wave in no time. ...You are going to hea 100% HH.  We all are. You are 3/4 months further than me and doing so much more than I do. I am just beginning to trust that my baseline is healing at a reliable pace and am not doing anything close to what you have been doing for months. .  At 14 months I had a 3 day stretch the week before Christmas of wavy sx.. insomnia ( after improved sleep for a couple of weeks), anxiety, health fear, terrible body pain. ...Then ... it lifted to an effortless mind day .  the day AFTER Christmas.  It reminded me what my life will be in another 5/6 months. Considering the months and months of of suffering I have already logged, another few months seems doable... barely...until a wave rolls in then I am as discouraged and scared as can be. . 

.....A few more months.  With good days strung together along the way.  ...Wishing you speedy out of your wave...and sunbreaks and windows..  coop

 

Hi Coop,

I keep thinking about what the doctor said also.  24 months.  That is another 6 months of healing for me, and 9 months of healing for you, BEFORE we need to worry, right?    It just gets so hard during these wavy times.  I am so thankful for you guys.  We'll be keeping each other propped up as the final healing happens. 

 

[[dr...]]

And I'll be following up the rear with witnessing you guys get thrre first!  I know I say this often...but you all are incredible!

[[Co...]]

FJ...yes the yoga helps the body pain. I am still soaking in lavender Epsome salts baths several times a week...sometimes twice in one day. Green and I both hit a wave where intense body pain practically kept us from walking...it lifted and then mine came back in cycles but not as intense as the initial wave. I tried ibuprofen for a few days and it was really good relief at 250 mg , once in the morning...once at bedtime, but after 3 days my BP elevated and my palps came back. I switched to Tylenol ..300 mg , once in the morning .  once at bedtime. ...The Tylenol is not as good as the Ibuprofen for relief but I dont have any side effects. ...

.....The quotes are so encouraging.. it is easy to feel forgotten and abandoned in a wave. I try not to believe any of my wave generated feelings because in a window I feel completely normal with appropriate feelings.  even sad or negative feelings seem more in perspective . In a wave I can cry an ocean think g that I have been a horrible mother and my kids hate me. Of course it's not true at all.. I was a very good mother and my kids love me .. and we have all the normal misunderstandings and miscommunication and differences of opinions that families do.  But it all seems normal in a wave and it all seems tragic and pathological in a wave..

.....Someday...none of this will be part of our lives.  We are so close.....coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Peace....so sweet to hear from you...I know how deeply you are suffering right now.  Saying no and taking care of yourself surely has to be a priority for you right now. I am so glad that you have a sweet husband to support you through this. It took my ex and me some time after our divorce to get our act together and find common ground for continued parenting of our kids.  and now our grandkids.

....I am thinking about you Peace.  Love to you...coop

[[mr...]]

HH.  I also get discouraged and caught in thinking that I am not going to heal com0letely. Then I remember that the doctor from Canada who specializes in addiction care is very clear about reliable healing requiring about 24 months. Discouraging but encouraging at the same time. I avoid the protracted board at all costs.....it can send me into a wave in no time. ...You are going to hea 100% HH.  We all are. You are 3/4 months further than me and doing so much more than I do. I am just beginning to trust that my baseline is healing at a reliable pace and am not doing anything close to what you have been doing for months. .  At 14 months I had a 3 day stretch the week before Christmas of wavy sx.. insomnia ( after improved sleep for a couple of weeks), anxiety, health fear, terrible body pain. ...Then ... it lifted to an effortless mind day .  the day AFTER Christmas.  It reminded me what my life will be in another 5/6 months. Considering the months and months of of suffering I have already logged, another few months seems doable... barely...until a wave rolls in then I am as discouraged and scared as can be. . 

.....A few more months.  With good days strung together along the way.  ...Wishing you speedy out of your wave...and sunbreaks and windows..  coop

 

Hi Coop,

I keep thinking about what the doctor said also.  24 months.  That is another 6 months of healing for me, and 9 months of healing for you, BEFORE we need to worry, right?    It just gets so hard during these wavy times.  I am so thankful for you guys.  We'll be keeping each other propped up as the final healing happens. 

 

 

And, even AFTER two years, its OK to still be healing...

 

No matter what your pathway, you WILL heal

 

Mrs.

[[Fi...]]

Coop--I so identify!  When I'm bawling my head off the tape in my head is that nobody in my family truly loves me.  This just isn't true, but the wave poisoning my brain can make it seem so for that brief, intense time.  The last time I was feeling this way about my daughter I was almost wanting to e-mail her in pathetic rage.  Somehow I remembered a saying my wise Scots friend has always said--"Least said is soonest mended."  Wow, this is so true in benzo-withdrawal!  I think I've done pretty well at not voicing the worst of my thoughts to those around me, so maybe that's helped ensure they are still here as I get well!  This would have been the day just before she gave me this lovely book.  Three cheers for the RX of keeping one's mouth shut!

 

I hope it doesn't seem discouraging to you guys, but the Canadian  doctor who was talking about two years was writing about opioid addiction and alcoholism.  He wasn't addressing benzo withdrawal in that passage, which seemed to enrage others on that thread.  When I came across that passage of his when I was just six months of Oxycodone, I was so appalled at this timeline.  Also, in that passage he was not addressing people addicted by accident by people who have patterns of addiction running in their lives.  When I e-mailed him, he kindly answered that he didn't think it would take me a full two years to heal, given my relatively short use of the opioid (16 weeks.)  I am coming up on that two year mark on January 3, and since it seems like I'm getting better, maybe the two years was on target.  Of course, when I wrote to him I didn't know the small but steady dose of Xanax I was taking to get by was actually going to make my withdrawal worse. 

 

One way of looking at a long healing timeline that's more optimistic is to realize that you're definitely not going to feel as bad as you did at first all the way along.  A longer timeline means there's still hope for continued improvement.  If you don't feel 100% yet, the power of the brain's elasticity means that it can STILL HEAL and improve even more!

 

The more I read all your stories, the more I think I've been affected more by opioids than the benzos.  This means I can't write posts about how bad I was with DR and dizziness because I never did experience those.  I am not consumed by fear.  I'm not fearful at all in fact.  I think I feel calmer than back before I used to be forever spending time and emotional energy decided whether a given situation justified popping a Xanax.

 

This is why I'm feeling more confident all the time that I am going to come out of this better than ever. 

 

Here's another saying  from this book:

 

JUST BECAUSE YOUR MIRACLE DOESN'T LOOK LLIKE THE MIRACLE YOU WERE EXPECTING, THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

 

 

I guess for me I could say that it's fortunate I had trouble coming off of the opioids, because if I hadn't been scrambling around, trying to figure out why I couldn't heal, it may have been YEARS before I put two and two together and figured out how the Xanax was actually hurting me. 

 

Hang in there, everybody!

[[He...]]

Hi FJ,

This is the link where the doctor was talking about benzo withdrawal taking 2 years.  This particular story was about Ativan. 

http://addictionsandrecovery.org/benzodiazepine.htm

 

It certainly doesn't surprise me that opioid addiction would be the same.