12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Lm-you did realize nova's explanation was a joke???

[[Gr...]]

Just a short rant.    Yesterday I felt so normal ....like I had never known a benzo, w/d or anxiety. Had a great day at the book store with my daughter. No real health fears. Came home and got a bunch of stuff done.  Took my dog out for an extra walk. My head was so clear I read an actual book and had no problem concentrating and following the storyline. Talked on the phone to a friend.  Went to bed pretty positive and happy

....Today.  it's all gone. The clock struck midnight....back to the drudge of w/d....reflux that feels like a stinkin heart attack ( it's not....and that's a bit of an exaggeration because I am in a rant and taking license)  Of course my health fear is having a party in my head.  ....I hate hate hate this slamming of the window..  low energy because sleep was on again off again and off for good by 5am ....5am on a Saturday morning. Van not eat one thing I like.  I like double lattes and triple chocolate brownies ....for breakfast on Saturday mornings...with a chaser of champagne..  I haven't seen any saturdays like that forever and it just pisses the hell out of me today.  Just when I thought things might get and stay better ...a brand new crappy sx.  GERD.  well the GERD  is probably part of the hernia thing...but w/d makes it worse... Is it too stinkin much to want some coffee and chocolate in my life. 

    Ok.  Rant over.  But I am going to pout for a good long while.  coop

 

Coop, I swear to God, months 21+, the months of pouting, ranting, whining, lol.  I am a big pissed off baby.  I hear ya, buddy.  rant on, pout on, sometimes it's good for the soul

 

I'm still getting scheduled visits from nausea, boaty, throat acid +  I'm not going into this again, lol!  I think the game changed again, lol  feel better.

 

....So, Green....I know this is a stupid self destructive question...but, when you take the ppi ...you take it every day?...Can you eat the food you like?.  .  Thanks for the comiseration on the ranting, wailing, complainine and being pissed off.  Hope you love every minute of the show..  and go out after and eat Italian and drink wine. .and have dessert.  .coop

 

Coop, yes I take 20 mg medium otc every day. I've had problems with gastritis since shortly after taking benzos. I am convinced my reflux and gastritis is caused by or at least exacerbated by benzo use, tolerance and withdrawal. I will attempt to slowly wean off after I'm healed. But for right now GI symptoms can be so nasty and downright debilitating that I can't deal with them along with everything else

Yes I take one pill daily. And if I have acid, rarely, I'll take another. Only because gastritis can be significantly debilitating

I looked up the risks n problems with PPI drugs. Not great news but I'll take the risk until wd is over

And yes I can eat things. Oddly I can't drink water. For some reason I get an acid attack from that. So I don't drink it

 

Not giving advice. Just my experience. We're all so different

 

[[Co...]]

Just a short rant.    Yesterday I felt so normal ....like I had never known a benzo, w/d or anxiety. Had a great day at the book store with my daughter. No real health fears. Came home and got a bunch of stuff done.  Took my dog out for an extra walk. My head was so clear I read an actual book and had no problem concentrating and following the storyline. Talked on the phone to a friend.  Went to bed pretty positive and happy

....Today.  it's all gone. The clock struck midnight....back to the drudge of w/d....reflux that feels like a stinkin heart attack ( it's not....and that's a bit of an exaggeration because I am in a rant and taking license)  Of course my health fear is having a party in my head.  ....I hate hate hate this slamming of the window..  low energy because sleep was on again off again and off for good by 5am ....5am on a Saturday morning. Van not eat one thing I like.  I like double lattes and triple chocolate brownies ....for breakfast on Saturday mornings...with a chaser of champagne..  I haven't seen any saturdays like that forever and it just pisses the hell out of me today.  Just when I thought things might get and stay better ...a brand new crappy sx.  GERD.  well the GERD  is probably part of the hernia thing...but w/d makes it worse... Is it too stinkin much to want some coffee and chocolate in my life. 

    Ok.  Rant over.  But I am going to pout for a good long while.  coop

 

Coop, I swear to God, months 21+, the months of pouting, ranting, whining, lol.  I am a big pissed off baby.  I hear ya, buddy.  rant on, pout on, sometimes it's good for the soul

 

I'm still getting scheduled visits from nausea, boaty, throat acid +  I'm not going into this again, lol!  I think the game changed again, lol  feel better.

 

....So, Green....I know this is a stupid self destructive question...but, when you take the ppi ...you take it every day?...Can you eat the food you like?.  .  Thanks for the comiseration on the ranting, wailing, complainine and being pissed off.  Hope you love every minute of the show..  and go out after and eat Italian and drink wine. .and have dessert.  .coop

 

Coop, yes I take 20 mg medium otc every day. I've had problems with gastritis since shortly after taking benzos. I am convinced my reflux and gastritis is caused by or at least exacerbated by benzo use, tolerance and withdrawal. I will attempt to slowly wean off after I'm healed. But for right now GI symptoms can be so nasty and downright debilitating that I can't deal with them along with everything else

Yes I take one pill daily. And if I have acid, rarely, I'll take another. Only because gastritis can be significantly debilitating

I looked up the risks n problems with PPI drugs. Not great news but I'll take the risk until wd is over

And yes I can eat things. Oddly I can't drink water. For some reason I get an acid attack from that. So I don't drink it

 

Not giving advice. Just my experience. We're all so different

 

.....Thanks Green....I am pretty convinced at this point to try it. At least the pepscid which is an H2 blocker....I don't know if that's and everyday drug. The handout I got at the gastrinteroligist office the other day did say that ppis could actually help heal GERD and the blockers I think too....Gastritis sounds miserable too.  I don't at all feel that you are trying to influence me.....I am happy for the advice and hearing your experience. I don't know how long I can try to manage it without something ....no use being miserable for no good reason.  I am glad it helps you and thank you for taking the time to support me....what would I ever do without you and the rest of the band of buddies here....thanks Green.........coop

[[Gr...]]

Just a short rant.    Yesterday I felt so normal ....like I had never known a benzo, w/d or anxiety. Had a great day at the book store with my daughter. No real health fears. Came home and got a bunch of stuff done.  Took my dog out for an extra walk. My head was so clear I read an actual book and had no problem concentrating and following the storyline. Talked on the phone to a friend.  Went to bed pretty positive and happy

....Today.  it's all gone. The clock struck midnight....back to the drudge of w/d....reflux that feels like a stinkin heart attack ( it's not....and that's a bit of an exaggeration because I am in a rant and taking license)  Of course my health fear is having a party in my head.  ....I hate hate hate this slamming of the window..  low energy because sleep was on again off again and off for good by 5am ....5am on a Saturday morning. Van not eat one thing I like.  I like double lattes and triple chocolate brownies ....for breakfast on Saturday mornings...with a chaser of champagne..  I haven't seen any saturdays like that forever and it just pisses the hell out of me today.  Just when I thought things might get and stay better ...a brand new crappy sx.  GERD.  well the GERD  is probably part of the hernia thing...but w/d makes it worse... Is it too stinkin much to want some coffee and chocolate in my life. 

    Ok.  Rant over.  But I am going to pout for a good long while.  coop

 

Coop, I swear to God, months 21+, the months of pouting, ranting, whining, lol.  I am a big pissed off baby.  I hear ya, buddy.  rant on, pout on, sometimes it's good for the soul

 

I'm still getting scheduled visits from nausea, boaty, throat acid +  I'm not going into this again, lol!  I think the game changed again, lol  feel better.

 

....So, Green....I know this is a stupid self destructive question...but, when you take the ppi ...you take it every day?...Can you eat the food you like?.  .  Thanks for the comiseration on the ranting, wailing, complainine and being pissed off.  Hope you love every minute of the show..  and go out after and eat Italian and drink wine. .and have dessert.  .coop

 

Coop, yes I take 20 mg medium otc every day. I've had problems with gastritis since shortly after taking benzos. I am convinced my reflux and gastritis is caused by or at least exacerbated by benzo use, tolerance and withdrawal. I will attempt to slowly wean off after I'm healed. But for right now GI symptoms can be so nasty and downright debilitating that I can't deal with them along with everything else

Yes I take one pill daily. And if I have acid, rarely, I'll take another. Only because gastritis can be significantly debilitating

I looked up the risks n problems with PPI drugs. Not great news but I'll take the risk until wd is over

And yes I can eat things. Oddly I can't drink water. For some reason I get an acid attack from that. So I don't drink it

 

Not giving advice. Just my experience. We're all so different

 

.....Thanks Green....I am pretty convinced at this point to try it. At least the pepscid which is an H2 blocker....I don't know if that's and everyday drug. The handout I got at the gastrinteroligist office the other day did say that ppis could actually help heal GERD and the blockers I think too....Gastritis sounds miserable too.  I don't at all feel that you are trying to influence me.....I am happy for the advice and hearing your experience. I don't know how long I can try to manage it without something ....no use being miserable for no good reason.  I am glad it helps you and thank you for taking the time to support me....what would I ever do without you and the rest of the band of buddies here....thanks Green.........coop

 

You're welcome. 

 

And I found out why doctors give Cipro for a simple UTI, I think.  When my ex was recently hospitalized for yet another UTI, plus other problems, I was surprised they kept him so long when he seemed stabilized.  the doc told me he had to stay to have I.V. antibiotic treatment, that Cipro no longer worked.  so I checked with Dr. Google, and apparently they use Cipro for UTIs because the UTI bacteria are now resistant to most other drugs.  now my poor ex, who has had countless UTIs, no longer responds even to the Cipro and has to have I.V. antibiotics.

Did you ever look at the bottom of your urinalysis lab report?  there's a big section for "antibiotic resistant."

I'm full of good news today.

[[Co...]]

Hi Green.  So sorry about your ex having so many utis....My ARNP prescribed the Cipro before my cultures came back.  When they did come back the cultures were negative. I didn't even have a uti. I understand they have to start you on a broad spectrum antibiotic jf the ua shows any bacteria at all even before the culture results come in. I hadn't had an antibiotic for at least 4 years.  I just hope never to have to be in the hospital for anything. 

...How was the show?.. Are you feeling better ?.  I am still mad that I can't eat .  Lol.  I think I will start the pepscid tomorrow.  Wishing you some good sleep.  coop...

[[Gr...]]

Hi Green.  So sorry about your ex having so many utis....My ARNP prescribed the Cipro before my cultures came back.  When they did come back the cultures were negative. I didn't even have a uti. I understand they have to start you on a broad spectrum antibiotic jf the ua shows any bacteria at all even before the culture results come in. I hadn't had an antibiotic for at least 4 years.  I just hope never to have to be in the hospital for anything. 

...How was the show?.. Are you feeling better ?.  I am still mad that I can't eat .  Lol.  I think I will start the pepscid tomorrow.  Wishing you some good sleep.  coop...

 

The show was very nice.  I'm glad I got out the door.

 

Coop, I think trying the Pepcid is a good idea.  Wd is miserable enough without being able to eat.  We don't have a heck of a lot of pleasures.

Wishing you good sleep, too.

[[Gr...]]

Okay, buddies, this is my last link, I promise.

 

I've been so busy on Dr. Google!  but in a good way.

 

I always complain about that horrid inner vibration thing?  like it's the worst torment you can imagine.  when it starts I walk through the house, now rock! but finally get exhausted.  So I'm reading Gwen Olsen's book, and she describes akathisia, I forgot the quote, but basically this inner torment.  anyway, akathisia, that's what our bad vibrations are.  I found this description on wiki.  of course we don't get them that severe, but we get them, and they are a torment.  My baloney has a name. how do you like that?  b-o-l-o-

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CDcQFjADahUKEwiWldTBtJvHAhUM04AKHTjiDEg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FAkathisia&ei=KvjGVZbYGIymgwS4xLPABA&usg=AFQjCNGAsx1BqLubSmkO_o6uyZ-sto2t3w&sig2=8wV_Fws1H22LBwpVMXXiXQ

[[Gr...]]

FDA tries to discredit psychiatric whistleblower.

 

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CDAQFjADahUKEwjjt7eau5vHAhWHrD4KHfqCAyM&url=http%3A%2F%2Fpsychcentral.com%2Fnews%2Farchives%2F2004-11%2Fbmj-ftt112404.html&ei=L__GVaPkC4fZ-gH6hY6YAg&usg=AFQjCNFuLRidUL8hoESp3EwDIN1i_xVv8w&sig2=Xdaud4XV3VSxpFdoYsXt6A

[[Ko...]]

Nova, thanks for the positive thoughts on my recovery & the very funny bit that sounded almost real

        You're a very talented writer.

 

Green,  Thanks for the suggestion about the tub. I would try it, but Once in I don't think I can get out.

          I have no leg muscles left.  I do spray cold water on them in the shower two or three times a

          Night or use ice packs. Those things help for a minute, but never really take it away. Tonight

          Burning is less and mostly in my ankles and feet.  That's a change at least.

 

          I agree with you about the fatigue and slight depression.  We're just worn out and we still

          Need more time to heal. I'm not going to fight this. I'm going to just stay in and rest. I won't

          Go crazy as long as I can go to the store, walk my dog, and talk to an intelligent adult at least

            Once a day.  When my body & brain are better, then my symptoms will signal that and we can

            Gradually do more things. Hope you get a window soon. I love the ballet, but I know I could

            Sit through one yet. I'm glad that you can.

 

Coop,  I'm glad you had a good Dr appt and like the doc too.  I started the Prilosec yesterday and had no reflux last night.  I'm hoping two weeks worth will heal the damage and then I can adjust my diet

And not eat in the night and go back to using PepsidComplete which works really well on as needed basis. Hope you find a solution, but you should be able to eat what you want within reason.  We don't need to put ourselves through more hell.  Thanks for all your positive support. BTW I was a teacher & a school principal. We have more than Benzos in common.

 

[[Ko...]]

Green & Coop,

 

Please excuse the formatting on my last post. I don't know what happened. Hope you can read it.

[[No...]]

Hi Korbe ... I agree ... nothing I can do other than be where I am and get through the days as best I can ...

 

Sorry you are still in this mess with us ...

 

I had a rough day yesterday getting slammed pillar to post all day ... and it is still going on ... I get a little angry and upset and of course that is a useless response for me ...

 

I am sure we are all tired and exhausted from this stuff ... we need a break ...

 

Be Well ... 

[[Sk...]]

Okay, buddies, this is my last link, I promise.

 

I've been so busy on Dr. Google!  but in a good way.

 

I always complain about that horrid inner vibration thing?  like it's the worst torment you can imagine.  when it starts I walk through the house, now rock! but finally get exhausted.  So I'm reading Gwen Olsen's book, and she describes akathisia, I forgot the quote, but basically this inner torment.  anyway, akathisia, that's what our bad vibrations are.  I found this description on wiki.  of course we don't get them that severe, but we get them, and they are a torment.  My baloney has a name. how do you like that?  b-o-l-o-

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CDcQFjADahUKEwiWldTBtJvHAhUM04AKHTjiDEg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FAkathisia&ei=KvjGVZbYGIymgwS4xLPABA&usg=AFQjCNGAsx1BqLubSmkO_o6uyZ-sto2t3w&sig2=8wV_Fws1H22LBwpVMXXiXQ

 

is this what Akathisia is ? I have it right now, so very much to the point !

 

Thanks Green !

[[Co...]]

FDA tries to discredit psychiatric whistleblower.

 

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CDAQFjADahUKEwjjt7eau5vHAhWHrD4KHfqCAyM&url=http%3A%2F%2Fpsychcentral.com%2Fnews%2Farchives%2F2004-11%2Fbmj-ftt112404.html&ei=L__GVaPkC4fZ-gH6hY6YAg&usg=AFQjCNFuLRidUL8hoESp3EwDIN1i_xVv8w&sig2=Xdaud4XV3VSxpFdoYsXt6A

 

....Green, thanks so much for the links.  They are fascinating. I get restless leg syndrome sometimes at night....so seeing the correlation to w/d helps me understand that little gift in the night. I only get it some of the time. Interesting that propanolol was on that list as well. I am totally convinced that there is a down side to every medication and it's up to us to research every single drug prescribed to us.

      I loved the link about the FDA whistle blower. When I was diagnosed with RA my pdoc had me on 2400 my of ibuprofen a day. After 6 months my bp was really elevated and I was puffed like a balloon with 15 pounds of added weight... most of it fluid. When I told my doctor he told me that ibuprofen didn't impact bp and I should lose 10 pounds to reduce my bp. .....I took myself off the daily ibuprofen and learned how to manage my RA.  The weight and the bp came back to normal in 3 months. I have refused all of the hooptydoo RA meds because they are so dangerous....although I do know RA friends who are on them and seem to be fine. Just listening to the drug advertisements on tv as they go through all the possible side effects makes me hope to never ever be in the hospital or in need of anything more than Prilosec.  ....Keep the links coming.  They are great.......coop

[[Co...]]

Korbe....thanks so much for the encouragement on the prilosec.  You are right ....we should at least be able to eat...if not lattes and chocolate, at least some reasonable normal food. ....I am so sorry that your legs hurt so much. Beulah had a terrible time with her legs...they are better now.

    We are having tough times ....after months of healing. Still, I think I am so much better now than I was last summer. ...We are going to make it all the way to the end of this Korbe, you are right not to fight the bad days. Just take extra care and patience with what you can and can't do on wavy days. It's so hard not to resist the need to go low and slow but it pays,off I think .

.....What grade level did you teach?. . I miss my work so much . I loved every single day. ..A principle.  That takes such dedication.....and huge ability. I bet you miss it to.

.....We really are rounding the corner Korbe.  Hold on and hang with us....we are all doing this together..  Wishing you a better day today.    coop

[[Co...]]

Hi Korbe ... I agree ... nothing I can do other than be where I am and get through the days as best I can ...

 

Sorry you are still in this mess with us ...

 

I had a rough day yesterday getting slammed pillar to post all day ... and it is still going on ... I get a little angry and upset and of course that is a useless response for me ...

 

I am sure we are all tired and exhausted from this stuff ... we need a break ...

 

Be Well ... 

 

.....Nova.  man....so sorry that you got flung around pillar to post yesterday and starting out with the same today.  I am in the soup with you today.  I have one of Drew's migraines or at least a painful painful crushing headache. Just staying in bed with a hot pack on my head and face. I really don't know how Drew deals with this. I haven't had a headache like this for months. I took a small dose of my bp med, that helps sometimes..  I hope we both feel better as the day goes along

    Thinking of you Nova. .  coop

[[Si...]]

Yep sorry Nova maybe (hopefully) it will get better for you thoughout the day.

 

Not much to report from my side. About 6-7 hours of sleep for me. Not much trouble knocking off thankfully. My constant headache is still with me when I wake up though. It'll remain all day I'm sure. I've had it since coming into this wave a week ago. Yep, I think it brings with it some mild akathisia. I'll get periods where I just feel super restless and nothing makes it go away. Time for a banana and cereal.

[[...]]

Hi e veryone,

 

Coop, I'm so glad you have been reassured about your GI problems. Even if you don't have a hernia it appears that these symptoms are massively common for a lot of people.

 

So sorry Nova that you are being thrown around like that and I so get the anger and frustration.

 

Funny that a lot of you are talking about food, especially desserts and chocolate. I am a huge chocoholic and miss it so much. I have a big stash of various chocolates that I can't wait to gorge on when I am well. I resist temptation if I have a good day, although I have had one salted caramel recently. Yesterday was not too bad overall. Had a little quarrel with my daughter which didn't send me into meltdown and in the evening took my sisters dog for a lovely walk. Felt OK. Took him home whilst my daughter was making a chicken curry for dinner (we mostly always have this Saturday). I got pulled over by the police as I jumped a red light. They were behind me in an unmarked car. it was one of those shall I or shant I moments. Well I did; I was hungry and I said I would be 15 minutes. Again no particular panic, just a quick rush, even managed to humour them a little and were very pleasant. Had a lovely dinner plus dessert which was just going to be blueberries and raspberries, however I added a slice of bakewell tart and cream. Must have been feeling cocky as I just thought sod it! watched Bridesmaids (again), great.

 

Shitty night, waking up all the time, bad dreams ugh!! No energy, brain turned to concrete, crying whilst cleaning the kitchen and of course the 'I'm stuck like this forever'. I am so frustrated and angry but i refuse to blame the dessert. I enjoyed it so take that benzo. I'm back at work tomorrow so I would imagine this worry is playing a part. One of those one step in front of the other walks is needed even though all I feel like doing is punching pillows and crying and generally subconsciously criticising myself for not cleaning the house top to bottom whilst I've been off work. For some reason I hate not keeping up with house. It's not that bad but still, not having any energy is getting me down. That constant need to be busy because the mind is so restless is understandable, however when you are so knackered it's torture.

 

Enough whining from me (I'm so grateful to be able to do it here so thank you to you all). We will continue through this unpleasant and bleak land and eventually the sight of a beautiful horizon will be in view.

 

 

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

I seem to be moving out of the " mother" of all waves. I got really discouraged in my thinking that this shouldn't be happening at 2 yrs. off..little do I know. Since this withdrawal journey began my husband has been by by side and never gone for more than a few hrs. to run errands. The other day when my tsunami of a wave began I asked him if he would spend a couple of days at our daughters..that I needed some alone time for the healing of the wave...and I don't know why. He was concerned and didn't want to leave me alone..but I convinced him that everything would be ok and he could call me when he wanted.

For two days I cried, prayed, cursed, paced, took many baths, played music to soothe my soul.

While I think the alone time helped me I still had the fear of being alone...and not understanding why I need the time..maybe emotional healing ..I don't know.

I don't feel like I came out on top..but I guess I did..I fought for my life..and Won!!!

 

We all know it's not over till it's over...so much truth.  🎶 This is my fight life🎶

 

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... just having a plain old rough time ... not thinking well enough to respond to posts ...

 

Later ... take care every one ... we will get out of this stuff ... 

[[dr...]]

Wow...lots of posts and unfortunately more of the same.

 

Nova-just take care of yourself as always. 

 

Coop-sorry you're getting the headache.  It all sucks. I use ice in my head too

 

Beulah-this journey takes us to so many dark places we will come out so much stronger

 

I don't have much to say today.  Hang in there everyone else. 

[[Co...]]

Hi Folks ... just having a plain old rough time ... not thinking well enough to respond to posts ...

 

Later ... take care every one ... we will get out of this stuff ... 

 

.....No worries Nova....just rest in the kmowing that we are all supporting you. ....Seems to be a lot of 'wavy' going on in this group today....love to you dear friend.  Take care... coop

[[Co...]]

Morning all,

 

I seem to be moving out of the " mother" of all waves. I got really discouraged in my thinking that this shouldn't be happening at 2 yrs. off..little do I know. Since this withdrawal journey began my husband has been by by side and never gone for more than a few hrs. to run errands. The other day when my tsunami of a wave began I asked him if he would spend a couple of days at our daughters..that I needed some alone time for the healing of the wave...and I don't know why. He was concerned and didn't want to leave me alone..but I convinced him that everything would be ok and he could call me when he wanted.

For two days I cried, prayed, cursed, paced, took many baths, played music to soothe my soul.

While I think the alone time helped me I still had the fear of being alone...and not understanding why I need the time..maybe emotional healing ..I don't know.

I don't feel like I came out on top..but I guess I did..I fought for my life..and Won!!!

 

We all know it's not over till it's over...so much truth.  🎶 This is my fight life🎶

 

......Oh, Beulah....dear dear friend....I  so sorry that you got " drug through the thorny wastelands by your hair"..  ..sounds like a dark dark night of the soul. Glad you cried and wailed and gnash ed your teeth.. .W/D really drags us around and the intrusive thoughts and fears re-opens old wounds and grief. If I was in your city I would have brought lavender honey tea and lemon cookies and left them at your door....know that in my mind I did that.  I so sincerely hope this is the infamous tsunami wave before complete healing. I am so glad that you feel like it is spinning itself out.  Much love to you Beulah......coop

[[Sk...]]

Hi Folks ... just having a plain old rough time ... not thinking well enough to respond to posts ...

 

Later ... take care every one ... we will get out of this stuff ... 

 

Nova, don't worry,  come back when you can. 

 

Sorry you are feeling so bad today, what's with Sundays and wd ?

[[Sk...]]

Morning all,

 

I seem to be moving out of the " mother" of all waves. I got really discouraged in my thinking that this shouldn't be happening at 2 yrs. off..little do I know. Since this withdrawal journey began my husband has been by by side and never gone for more than a few hrs. to run errands. The other day when my tsunami of a wave began I asked him if he would spend a couple of days at our daughters..that I needed some alone time for the healing of the wave...and I don't know why. He was concerned and didn't want to leave me alone..but I convinced him that everything would be ok and he could call me when he wanted.

For two days I cried, prayed, cursed, paced, took many baths, played music to soothe my soul.

While I think the alone time helped me I still had the fear of being alone...and not understanding why I need the time..maybe emotional healing ..I don't know.

I don't feel like I came out on top..but I guess I did..I fought for my life..and Won!!!

 

We all know it's not over till it's over...so much truth.  🎶 This is my fight life🎶

 

Glad your alone time helped a little. Your husband sounds like an amazing man.

 

Of course you are right, at two years out, this should be done and over with, enough mothers of all waves.

[[Gr...]]

Okay, buddies, this is my last link, I promise.

 

I've been so busy on Dr. Google!  but in a good way.

 

I always complain about that horrid inner vibration thing?  like it's the worst torment you can imagine.  when it starts I walk through the house, now rock! but finally get exhausted.  So I'm reading Gwen Olsen's book, and she describes akathisia, I forgot the quote, but basically this inner torment.  anyway, akathisia, that's what our bad vibrations are.  I found this description on wiki.  of course we don't get them that severe, but we get them, and they are a torment.  My baloney has a name. how do you like that?  b-o-l-o-

 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=4&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CDcQFjADahUKEwiWldTBtJvHAhUM04AKHTjiDEg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FAkathisia&ei=KvjGVZbYGIymgwS4xLPABA&usg=AFQjCNGAsx1BqLubSmkO_o6uyZ-sto2t3w&sig2=8wV_Fws1H22LBwpVMXXiXQ

 

is this what Akathisia is ? I have it right now, so very much to the point !

 

Thanks Green !

 

Sky, it's back with a vengeance.  Every other night, from 4 a.m., until it stops, which is when I can get  to sleep.  and I'm sleeping maybe 7-11 hours.  just got up at 3 p.m.  I was very upset because even though the sleep probably is a good sign of healing, it's really hard to deal with this stuff all through the effing night.

 

What I am is pissed   I guess so is Nova, and Coop is only at the pouting level.  but I've got this righteous cold rage at pharma, I am so, so mad that this happened to us, that it's allowed to happen.  They like to make it seem like you're some kind of drug addict, nut case, or alcoholic, because, well, so many millions take it without incident.  well, the truth is, they don't include suicidal, people from unstable backgrounds, etc.  they do trials by excluding all of the 'problem' people.  and who, I want to know, gets most prescribed this shit?  who is most likely to go for help?  ppl with medical kind of issues. but a lot of people who have childhood trauma, a family history of drug or alcohol abuse.  that means if you grew up with an alcoholic, you most likely have issues of depression and anxiety, and you're likely to end up on these drugs

 

I'm ranting.  sorry.  i'm so pissed off.  those whistleblower links I gave prior, the drug companies look at us like cattle, like supply, and the whole system is rigged.  it's not just benzos.  it's all of the maintenance drugs.  all of the psych drugs.  what they're doing to people is criminal.  what is happening to us is criminal.

 

Can't stop ranting.  on to the next post.