12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

News Alert: Jenny21 has been off the forum for a few days and her last post was very positive, out enjoying life. She is too busy to post anymore......This has put a smile on my face today. :yippee: :yippee:

 

That's wonderful!

 

And sig, glad you got some sleep!

[[Co...]]

News Alert: Jenny21 has been off the forum for a few days and her last post was very positive, out enjoying life. She is too busy to post anymore......This has put a smile on my face today. :yippee: :yippee:

......Best news ever !!!!.... So so happy for Jenny....and thank you Cindys for posting to us ....there are several of us here who really need to hear that... .We are all getting to the end of this....tortured and traumatized but surviving, getting better and healing.  Love to Jenny......coop

[[Gr...]]

Australian report

 

http://healthimpactnews.com/2013/abc-australia-exposes-cholesterol-lowering-statin-drug-scam-and-pharmaceutical-criminal-activity/

[[Co...]]

Green..  I am so sorry that your fatigue is teetering on the dreaded depression .  This is just so unfair to feel to have acute sx so far out. I hope the supplement gives you the nudge over the fatigue and staves off the depression . You just so do not deserve that. I feel the same way....as long as we can get out. When I can get out I feel like normal life is within my reach. I am so thinking of you Green.  Sending you love and wishes for relief and sunbreaks..  coop

 

Coop, thank you! You are so caring, no matter what's going on with you.

On your above post, about the reflux?  That upper stomach pain you talk about?  I had a nasty bout of left side upper abdominal quad crampy kind of pain yesterday, and I suspected it was due to acid because I've had gastritis in the past (I think due to benzos because I got it so young) in my case I took a full strength nexium because I am already on PPI's and would rather deal with getting off of them after wd.  but the pain I had resolved quickly after taking the nexium. 

So my experience has been i'm getting extra acid-type symptoms this far out in healing, and I haven't had any problem for a long time.  You might have a hiatal hernia, maybe not.  so good that you have a doctor that isn't pushing you into the procedure room.  so good that you had 36 beautiful hours of living. My point, this time in healing brings a lot of people a lot of GI stuff.  it may be nothing.  and, as the good doctor said, a hernia is not a major health event.  you can even deal with it non surgically.

 

So glad you found this good doctor.  Instead of trolling benzo horror stories, I spent sometime trolling pharma whistleblower youtubes.  Oh, my, lions and tigers and bears.  I started with Gwen Olsen and kept going.  Gwen wrote a book, not just about benzos, but about all psychotropic drugs.  and there's another guy, Indian doctor, blowing his whistle all over the place, another book.  so many stories out there. and a very good in depth docu by Australian news about the scam of anti cholesterol drugs.

 

I'm glad I got to see all of that.  They're all saying basically what we all believe here, that the system is rigged, that big pharma wants us all not healthy, not dead, but sick and on maintenance drugs of one sort or other for the rest of our lives.  even going so far as to say, like big tobacco, which I liken them to now, that they're running out of adult baby boomers, so they're targeting children, as Tobacco did.  and when are people going to wake up and see what's happening.  I wasn't horrified, I felt like benzo wd made me see things that I wasn't aware of before.  it's like withdrawal gave us enough distance so we could stop drinking the Kool Aid and see what the hell is going on.

 

Sorry, I digress.

 

I'm having some quiet time.  I had to rein myself in, back up, and accept where I'm at.  Where I'm at is, I feel healing, I feel myself sleeping in a way I have to define as normal and healthy and -- well, like healing sleep.  As Nova said, our brains might need us to slow down while they do this good work.  so I'm not in any distress.  like Nova, feel somewhat shell shocked.  I'm not in distress.  I'm home in pajamas but feel like a kid when mom let me stay home for slight temp, so I'm home sick, but I'm really enjoying being home alone watching TV.  as long as I don't freak and think life is passing me by, I'm fine.  that's all about the acceptance, and recognizing the fear as a benzo symptom.

 

so tonight I must get out, lol,  I have tickets for Russian Ballet, Solo for Two.  What's with the Russians?  City Center must have given them a group invite.

 

Have the best day you can, everyone. 

Ah, another day in the life of a benzo withdrawal survivor!

.  ...Green.  Thank you for the reassurance about reflux. I am about a minute and a half away from popping that pepscid.  It's silly to suffer if we don't have to. I think you are right about staying on the nexium as long as you need to and dealing with tapering off of it when you are done with the w/d. Korbe also got hit with reflux at something like 20 months out, Peace got hit with it about 3 or so weeks ago. . WTH...??

......Yes I read a great book when I first started out in taper. I think it was Medicine Madness by Peter Beggan ( I will look that up again to make sure it's right). ...So eye opening about how we are basically all lab rats ( someone has that as thier forum name)  , how medicines are approved by the FDA in spite of not passing trials, how research is fraudulently manipulated, buried or outright falsified. How the FDA and Big Pharma are hand in hand with billions and billions of $$.  It is so disgusting and I am terrified of ever having anything that requires medication . Doctors either don't know or don't care about medication indications....the ARNP who I saw when all this started was without an eye blink ready to put me on cipro for a ua that showed some bacteria....before the culture came back.  when it did come back it was absolutely negative . Cipro is contraindicated for people 60 and over and intended to treat big problems like pneumonia .  She didn't know that. They just go to some app. and look for a list of antibiotics,that treat said problem.. without researching side effects and contraindications..  paint by the number health care.  I am with you all the way .....I don't trust any of it. ...Having said that I do feel like I got extra lucky with this gi doctor who is cautious and conservative....I think if he ever said he wanted to do a scope I would probably do it, but I don't think it's going to get to that point. 

......A pj day is good for all of us....I think you get afraid that if you aren't up and busy the depression is going to hit you while you're down. I feel the same way about anxiety. If I am busy and puttering and distracting I feel like I am one step away from anxiety... I get scared when I don't feel like I can keep moving..  You sound like you have found a middle point with it though.  A home from school day in your pj's just being centered.  Sounds so normal.....we are getting there Green. ...Enjoy the Russian Ballet.  You sound good Green....love to you....coop

[[Gr...]]

gwen olsen

 

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CB4QtwIwAGoVChMI25Liu5-axwIVxXE-Ch2b-Apa&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DAazObF_pHSU&ei=4VvGVZueCsXj-QGb8avQBQ&usg=AFQjCNHAr5z0DRiEB31lGZJbQysgnU6mJg&sig2=LnaDQUrN9W1hJZHKmZaYBA&bvm=bv.99804247,d.cWw

[[Gr...]]

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CB4QtwIwAGoVChMI25Liu5-axwIVxXE-Ch2b-Apa&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DAazObF_pHSU&ei=4VvGVZueCsXj-QGb8avQBQ&usg=AFQjCNHAr5z0DRiEB31lGZJbQysgnU6mJg&sig2=LnaDQUrN9W1hJZHKmZaYBA&bvm=bv.99804247,d.cWw

[[Gr...]]

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=9&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CEEQFjAIahUKEwikk6nvoJrHAhUMej4KHbXGAik&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.naturalnews.com%2F049447_doctor_bribes_pharmaceutical_industry_whistleblowers.html&ei=WV3GVeSCLIz0-QG1jYvIAg&usg=AFQjCNGh1NGmMDq56aZhTQemGyxLWxVo4g&sig2=S1R268OGfs9dldkaP4HQYw

[[Co...]]

I'm so sorry a lot of you are being dragged through the thorny wasteland by your hair.

 

Thanks for the laugh.  Down here in hell I could use a chuckle.

 

...Mike, how are you doing?.  Are you still in the seventh level of hell.. or are things looking a little better? ...I hope things are getting better.  Yes, drug through the thorny wastelands by our hair.  Marj has some of the best spit on descriptions of this torture....It's good to have some gallows humor about the shear awfulness of this.  coop

[[Gr...]]

the above links?  this is what happens when you're home alone with too much time on your hands, lol  Seriously?  Listening to this stuff made me feel better.  because it validates how sick I've been, how long it's taking to get off this shit and lead a normal life.  I don't think it's conspiracy theory, these are the drug reps.

 

okay, have a better day, all. i'm getting out hell or high water.

[[Si...]]

Enjoy your show green. You deserve a night out.

 

Drew I'm right there with you about the sleeping partner. Of course it would be cruel to torture them too. My wife slept about 10 hours last night AND is now taking a nap on the sofa! Just crazy.

 

Ah coop I didn't know you were a teacher. Very stressful job. My wife teaches K-5 art. I helped cut a bunch of different colored construction paper down, write rules on chalkboards and the. We made 10 large banners.

 

This is the one place that it's good when someone is absent because it usually means they're doing pretty well. At least I hope that's what's going on with Jenny.

[[Co...]]

Hi everyone, I hope someone could chime in. Every since mid to late July certain symptoms have really ramped up 

 

I'm over the 15 months off threshold. Anyone between 15-18 experience a serious ramp up with symptoms?

 

This is crazy, just trying to stay the course. But its hard.

 

My balance is all over the place, the head pressure is back, rocky boat sensation almost daily...the pulling sensation of my head. It's horrible.

 

Praying for all of you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there LM,

 

Yes, I am coming up to 16 months and I feel a mess a lot of the time. Head pressure was off the scale last night and had to lie down. I don't have it right now but I am tingling all over, particularly arms and brain (sometimes the brain feels as if its burning). Breathing is laboured, motivation is zero, extreme exhaustion and light headed. Oh and of course the neck and shoulder discomfort which is there mostly all the time at varying intensity. I had a brief window last Tuesday where I had hardly any sx and was able to do a lot. Had a day out on Wednesday where I just about made it. Since then things have got bad again. I've recently started with palpitations and this worries me as I've never noticed them before. Maybe it's just the stress of this prolonged suffering. I've just had a week off and the thought of going back to work is so daunting.

 

Stay with us on here and we will get through this together. I agree this is so very hard and we WILL make it. It seems to be quite common to still be bad, even now. I am blessed to be able to speak to a support project group who have many years experience dealing with this and they say they have many people at this stage 15,16,17 months off who are struggling, so don't despair and think it's only you (easier said than done). I thoroughly believe I will have the patience of a saint when this is over. Right now, like you I'm sure and everyone else, I want it to end NOW and I want my life back. Prayers back to you 

 

......LM....months 16.5, 17, 18, and 19.5 were like acute all over for me. Jenny went through 5 months of no improvements and return of sx right before she started feeling better around month 22 ( I think). She has been feeling very well since then with occ. lingering sx... .It seems to be common to have tough times late in year 2.  and then emerge from it with a big jump in healing. I am in month 21 and would be about 85% better excepting for some separate diagnosed gi issues that trigger my w/d ....and the they in turn exacerbate the gi issue... .Marj is right....hang out with us and we will support you through. I remember some of your earlier posts and you are sounding a lot better. It will get better again.  You are such a great mom....if I remember your posts I think you are single parenting and worked all the way through this.  Huge.  You are going to get through this. 

 

......Marj....sorry your window days dimmed down. It is so hard to get sent back to sx jail after being out for a few days.  I wish you had more days off from work, I am sure that anticipating going back is stressful. .  You are getting there Marj.  albeit by being drug over wastelands of thorns by the roots of your hair.  That says it all... perfectly....I will add...while stark naked.......coop

[[Co...]]

Enjoy your show green. You deserve a night out.

 

Drew I'm right there with you about the sleeping partner. Of course it would be cruel to torture them too. My wife slept about 10 hours last night AND is now taking a nap on the sofa! Just crazy.

 

Ah coop I didn't know you were a teacher. Very stressful job. My wife teaches K-5 art. I helped cut a bunch of different colored construction paper down, write rules on chalkboards and the. We made 10 large banners.

 

This is the one place that it's good when someone is absent because it usually means they're doing pretty well. At least I hope that's what's going on with Jenny.

.....Siggy....you are so lucky....art teachers rock and they con ect our kids to thier souls.  I hate it that schools are cutting back on art, music and recess.  What is this country thinking?!    I had my own Montessori preschool. I loved the playdough, finger paint, art easels and all the glitter glue and paste as much as the kids. I had the very best of times  . ....Wishing you a nap....a non-toxic peaceful nap.    coop

[[Co...]]

Just a short rant.    Yesterday I felt so normal ....like I had never known a benzo, w/d or anxiety. Had a great day at the book store with my daughter. No real health fears. Came home and got a bunch of stuff done.  Took my dog out for an extra walk. My head was so clear I read an actual book and had no problem concentrating and following the storyline. Talked on the phone to a friend.  Went to bed pretty positive and happy

....Today.  it's all gone. The clock struck midnight....back to the drudge of w/d....reflux that feels like a stinkin heart attack ( it's not....and that's a bit of an exaggeration because I am in a rant and taking license)  Of course my health fear is having a party in my head.  ....I hate hate hate this slamming of the window..  low energy because sleep was on again off again and off for good by 5am ....5am on a Saturday morning. Van not eat one thing I like.  I like double lattes and triple chocolate brownies ....for breakfast on Saturday mornings...with a chaser of champagne..  I haven't seen any saturdays like that forever and it just pisses the hell out of me today.  Just when I thought things might get and stay better ...a brand new crappy sx.  GERD.  well the GERD  is probably part of the hernia thing...but w/d makes it worse... Is it too stinkin much to want some coffee and chocolate in my life. 

    Ok.  Rant over.  But I am going to pout for a good long while.  coop

[[dr...]]

Great rant coop!  Nothing to say that can help. We all know the drill

[[Gr...]]

Just a short rant.    Yesterday I felt so normal ....like I had never known a benzo, w/d or anxiety. Had a great day at the book store with my daughter. No real health fears. Came home and got a bunch of stuff done.  Took my dog out for an extra walk. My head was so clear I read an actual book and had no problem concentrating and following the storyline. Talked on the phone to a friend.  Went to bed pretty positive and happy

....Today.  it's all gone. The clock struck midnight....back to the drudge of w/d....reflux that feels like a stinkin heart attack ( it's not....and that's a bit of an exaggeration because I am in a rant and taking license)  Of course my health fear is having a party in my head.  ....I hate hate hate this slamming of the window..  low energy because sleep was on again off again and off for good by 5am ....5am on a Saturday morning. Van not eat one thing I like.  I like double lattes and triple chocolate brownies ....for breakfast on Saturday mornings...with a chaser of champagne..  I haven't seen any saturdays like that forever and it just pisses the hell out of me today.  Just when I thought things might get and stay better ...a brand new crappy sx.  GERD.  well the GERD  is probably part of the hernia thing...but w/d makes it worse... Is it too stinkin much to want some coffee and chocolate in my life. 

    Ok.  Rant over.  But I am going to pout for a good long while.  coop

 

Coop, I swear to God, months 21+, the months of pouting, ranting, whining, lol.  I am a big pissed off baby.  I hear ya, buddy.  rant on, pout on, sometimes it's good for the soul

 

I'm still getting scheduled visits from nausea, boaty, throat acid +  I'm not going into this again, lol!  I think the game changed again, lol  feel better.

[[Si...]]

I wish I could take a nap! Just not I the cards. There are a ton of things I wish I could eat and drink now. I haven't had a coke in months. I have very occassionaly had sprite. The closest I've had to dessert is having a milkshake rarely in the weekend.

[[Co...]]

Just a short rant.    Yesterday I felt so normal ....like I had never known a benzo, w/d or anxiety. Had a great day at the book store with my daughter. No real health fears. Came home and got a bunch of stuff done.  Took my dog out for an extra walk. My head was so clear I read an actual book and had no problem concentrating and following the storyline. Talked on the phone to a friend.  Went to bed pretty positive and happy

....Today.  it's all gone. The clock struck midnight....back to the drudge of w/d....reflux that feels like a stinkin heart attack ( it's not....and that's a bit of an exaggeration because I am in a rant and taking license)  Of course my health fear is having a party in my head.  ....I hate hate hate this slamming of the window..  low energy because sleep was on again off again and off for good by 5am ....5am on a Saturday morning. Van not eat one thing I like.  I like double lattes and triple chocolate brownies ....for breakfast on Saturday mornings...with a chaser of champagne..  I haven't seen any saturdays like that forever and it just pisses the hell out of me today.  Just when I thought things might get and stay better ...a brand new crappy sx.  GERD.  well the GERD  is probably part of the hernia thing...but w/d makes it worse... Is it too stinkin much to want some coffee and chocolate in my life. 

    Ok.  Rant over.  But I am going to pout for a good long while.  coop

 

Coop, I swear to God, months 21+, the months of pouting, ranting, whining, lol.  I am a big pissed off baby.  I hear ya, buddy.  rant on, pout on, sometimes it's good for the soul

 

I'm still getting scheduled visits from nausea, boaty, throat acid +  I'm not going into this again, lol!  I think the game changed again, lol  feel better.

 

....So, Green....I know this is a stupid self destructive question...but, when you take the ppi ...you take it every day?...Can you eat the food you like?.  .  Thanks for the comiseration on the ranting, wailing, complainine and being pissed off.  Hope you love every minute of the show..  and go out after and eat Italian and drink wine. .and have dessert.  .coop

[[Co...]]

I wish I could take a nap! Just not I the cards. There are a ton of things I wish I could eat and drink now. I haven't had a coke in months. I have very occassionaly had sprite. The closest I've had to dessert is having a milkshake rarely in the weekend.

    STINKS....what's a Coke.  or some dessert in the big picture of life.  So sorry Sig.  You and I are going to have the biggest party when this is over.  What do eat at dessert  ?   

[[BJ...]]

What is it about this process that doesn't allow us to take naps?  Today I start Month 15 of this process, and feel pretty lousy.  I haven't slept much the last few nights.  Hard to settle down and just relax.  Even if I tried to take a nap I couldn't.  I don't think I could get relaxed enough.

 

I had one day early this week where I felt unbelievably well, and just like that the door closed.  I'm right back in a wave.  What a joke, this process. 

[[Fi...]]

I take all my naps getting conked out by hypnosis tapes about eating right or motivation to exercise.  They sort of bore you to sleep!

[[Si...]]

What is it about this process that doesn't allow us to take naps?  Today I start Month 15 of this process, and feel pretty lousy.  I haven't slept much the last few nights.  Hard to settle down and just relax.  Even if I tried to take a nap I couldn't.  I don't think I could get relaxed enough.

 

I had one day early this week where I felt unbelievably well, and just like that the door closed.  I'm right back in a wave.  What a joke, this process.

 

Hi BJames, it looks like you, me and drew are stopped at the same time. Oh yeah, I use to be a great sleeper. Could nap in the afternoon, drink two sweet teas with dinner and then still pass out at night and sleep 9 hours straight.

 

Coop, yeah what is dessert!? I actually have never been a big sweets fan. But now that I pretty much can't have any, I'd really like the choice to be able to. Most of my "sweets" come from fruit now.

[[Lo...]]

We are just experiencing another SNARU ... situation normal, all ramped up ...

 

In Appendix 78 of the Ashton Manual they speak about this late in the game phenomenon ... it is a special little jigger the drug companies build into these drugs to keep people from getting off them ... the SNARU molecule is attached just to the left of the 14th hydrocarbon array ...

 

The molecule is designed to activate in month 15 or 16 so that the RLM-47 step down phase is initiated ... RLM-47 initiates the RIDGAS receptor and creates the recovery experience of the endless looping of symptoms ... (RLM stands for "Really Low Morale" and RIDGAS stands for "Really, I Don't Give A Shit") ...

 

It is all really simple chemistry ... all drug developers learn this in HTSTC 101 class ... (How To Screw The Customer) ...

 

Any normal binary response merely serves to keep the person endlessly looping until they run thru the Red Door kicking and screaming ...

 

The only known antidote for SNARU got lost when they were re-formulating the recipe for Benzo Con Carne ... someone dropped the chit in the sauce and just kept on stirring ...

 

So ... the only thing left to report is ... hope we all have a good evening ... the red door is never locked ... 

 

So that's why I started feeling like crap towards the end of last month as I was heading into 15 months off. In the symptoms just keep ramping up. It's a cruel thing they did to put that thing in the drugs it probably makes certain people reinstate at some point. Is so sickening and so scary. Makes me angry.

[[dr...]]

I wish I could take a nap! Just not I the cards. There are a ton of things I wish I could eat and drink now. I haven't had a coke in months. I have very occassionaly had sprite. The closest I've had to dessert is having a milkshake rarely in the weekend.

 

I'm not a soda drinker at all but I had a Mexican coke about a week ago. The one w the real sugar instead of corn syrup.  I was so winked for about two hours it wasn't worth it. I can do okay with a few bites of desserts but anything w chocolate is out.  Completely out. 

[[dr...]]

Lm-you did realize nova's explanation was a joke???

[[Co...]]

Beulah.  I hope you are lurking a bit....Hope you are feeling better.  Boy do I understand the grouchy angry frame of mind.  Miss seeing you here, but completely understand the taking a break from it for awhile....Wishing you some decent foid, some sunbreaks and a happy heart... love to you...coop