12-18 month support

[[Mi...]]

I'm so sorry a lot of you are being dragged through the thorny wasteland by your hair.

 

Thanks for the laugh.  Down here in hell I could use a chuckle. 

[[No...]]

We are just experiencing another SNARU ... situation normal, all ramped up ...

 

In Appendix 78 of the Ashton Manual they speak about this late in the game phenomenon ... it is a special little jigger the drug companies build into these drugs to keep people from getting off them ... the SNARU molecule is attached just to the left of the 14th hydrocarbon array ...

 

The molecule is designed to activate in month 15 or 16 so that the RLM-47 step down phase is initiated ... RLM-47 initiates the RIDGAS receptor and creates the recovery experience of the endless looping of symptoms ... (RLM stands for "Really Low Morale" and RIDGAS stands for "Really, I Don't Give A Shit") ...

 

It is all really simple chemistry ... all drug developers learn this in HTSTC 101 class ... (How To Screw The Customer) ...

 

Any normal binary response merely serves to keep the person endlessly looping until they run thru the Red Door kicking and screaming ...

 

The only known antidote for SNARU got lost when they were re-formulating the recipe for Benzo Con Carne ... someone dropped the chit in the sauce and just kept on stirring ...

 

So ... the only thing left to report is ... hope we all have a good evening ... the red door is never locked ... 

[[Si...]]

We are just experiencing another SNARU ... situation normal, all ramped up ...

 

In Appendix 78 of the Ashton Manual they speak about this late in the game phenomenon ... it is a special little jigger the drug companies build into these drugs to keep people from getting off them ... the SNARU molecule is attached just to the left of the 14th hydrocarbon array ...

 

The molecule is designed to activate in month 15 or 16 so that the RLM-47 step down phase is initiated ... RLM-47 initiates the RIDGAS receptor and creates the recovery experience of the endless looping of symptoms ... (RLM stands for "Really Low Morale" and RIDGAS stands for "Really, I Don't Give A Shit") ...

 

It is all really simple chemistry ... all drug developers learn this in HTSTC 101 class ... (How To Screw The Customer) ...

 

Any normal binary response merely serves to keep the person endlessly looping until they run thru the Red Door kicking and screaming ...

 

The only known antidote for SNARU got lost when they were re-formulating the recipe for Benzo Con Carne ... someone dropped the chit in the sauce and just kept on stirring ...

 

So ... the only thing left to report is ... hope we all have a good evening ... the red door is never locked ... 

 

Hilarious Nova!!!

[[No...]]

Hi Siggy ... makes about as much sense as anything else I have seen about this process ... we just stay with it until we don't have to anymore ...

 

Had a long nap this afternoon after three nights of broken, lousy sleep ... shows what my brain gets up to when it is rested for a while ...

 

Hope you are feeling okay ... 

[[dr...]]

We are just experiencing another SNARU ... situation normal, all ramped up ...

 

In Appendix 78 of the Ashton Manual they speak about this late in the game phenomenon ... it is a special little jigger the drug companies build into these drugs to keep people from getting off them ... the SNARU molecule is attached just to the left of the 14th hydrocarbon array ...

 

The molecule is designed to activate in month 15 or 16 so that the RLM-47 step down phase is initiated ... RLM-47 initiates the RIDGAS receptor and creates the recovery experience of the endless looping of symptoms ... (RLM stands for "Really Low Morale" and RIDGAS stands for "Really, I Don't Give A Shit") ...

 

It is all really simple chemistry ... all drug developers learn this in HTSTC 101 class ... (How To Screw The Customer) ...

 

Any normal binary response merely serves to keep the person endlessly looping until they run thru the Red Door kicking and screaming ...

 

The only known antidote for SNARU got lost when they were re-formulating the recipe for Benzo Con Carne ... someone dropped the chit in the sauce and just kept on stirring ...

 

So ... the only thing left to report is ... hope we all have a good evening ... the red door is never locked ... 

 

That would really be as good as any other explanation I heard.

[[Mi...]]

ha!  marvelous!

[[No...]]

Mike ... hope that gave a little chuckle ... that's why my wife says I should never nap ... 

[[No...]]

Drew ... hope your stuff is quieting down ... I have been in this vice-grip head pressure all day ... no pain, just very annoying ... 

[[Si...]]

Glad you got some sleep Nova.

 

Yep the jittery brick in forehead pressure had been with since last Wednesday night. Went to have Korean food with the wife. Pan seared Mackeral for me. Spicy buckwheat cold noodles for her (Nangmyun).

 

My brother owns his own garage as a car mechanic and he makes up names for parts all the time. Hand me the freedascrance, I need to turn the jigamascray.

[[No...]]

Siggy ... glad you got out for a good meal ... I love buckwheat noodles ...

 

I make up stuff all the time ... drives she who must be obeyed around the bend sometimes ... she asks "where does that stuff come from?" ... all I can do is shrug and say "my back pocket"?" ...

 

Hope the sleep gods treat you well tonight ... 

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... glad you got out for a good meal ... I love buckwheat noodles ...

 

I make up stuff all the time ... drives she who must be obeyed around the bend sometimes ... she asks "where does that stuff come from?" ... all I can do is shrug and say "my back pocket"?" ...

 

Hope the sleep gods treat you well tonight ... 

 

Me too, I'm always praying to them.

[[...]]

Hi everyone, I hope someone could chime in. Every since mid to late July certain symptoms have really ramped up 

 

I'm over the 15 months off threshold. Anyone between 15-18 experience a serious ramp up with symptoms?

 

This is crazy, just trying to stay the course. But its hard.

 

My balance is all over the place, the head pressure is back, rocky boat sensation almost daily...the pulling sensation of my head. It's horrible.

 

Praying for all of you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there LM,

 

Yes, I am coming up to 16 months and I feel a mess a lot of the time. Head pressure was off the scale last night and had to lie down. I don't have it right now but I am tingling all over, particularly arms and brain (sometimes the brain feels as if its burning). Breathing is laboured, motivation is zero, extreme exhaustion and light headed. Oh and of course the neck and shoulder discomfort which is there mostly all the time at varying intensity. I had a brief window last Tuesday where I had hardly any sx and was able to do a lot. Had a day out on Wednesday where I just about made it. Since then things have got bad again. I've recently started with palpitations and this worries me as I've never noticed them before. Maybe it's just the stress of this prolonged suffering. I've just had a week off and the thought of going back to work is so daunting.

 

Stay with us on here and we will get through this together. I agree this is so very hard and we WILL make it. It seems to be quite common to still be bad, even now. I am blessed to be able to speak to a support project group who have many years experience dealing with this and they say they have many people at this stage 15,16,17 months off who are struggling, so don't despair and think it's only you (easier said than done). I thoroughly believe I will have the patience of a saint when this is over. Right now, like you I'm sure and everyone else, I want it to end NOW and I want my life back. Prayers back to you 

[[Co...]]

Hi dear friends.  ..Was off yesterday due to 36 hours of Effortless Mind ....so so good, I just took a total mind trip away from all things w/d...

....The consult could not have gone better. This is a doctor I have not seen before and he was an absolute gift from the heavens... He asked me to tell him all my sx..  he listened intently and took notes while I was speaking He told me had plenty of time and asked me what I thought was going on. I voiced my concerns about a scope, and although he had not even mentioned a scope he told me my concerns were reasonable and said he doesn't like to scope until other labs and tests were exhausted..  aaaaand...  he doesn't like ppis unless strict dietary remedies and life style approaches have failed.  I am totally in love with this guy.  He also agreed that w/d from antidepressants, anti depressants and other drugs clearly impact our gi....He did not push medications or procedures..  Having said all of that, seems that everything we suffer is not necessarily all w/d sx. He did think after an actual exam that he could feel a hernia and I will do the swallow test and have 2 ultra sounds as soon as imaging has an appointment for me.  Until then he recommended all the dietary and behavioral ( no eating in bed, no eating 2 hours before bed, elevating bed), pepcid ( an acid blocker) otc .He also reassured me that hernias do not by definition require surgery unless the patient wants he. He has patients with her is who have hernias that manage well with simply learning how to live with a hernia and there are exercises that strengthen the structures that help hold the hernia in place. I have absolute trust in this doctor.  He just happens to also be married to my oncologist who I also love and trust..  It doesn't get better than that in the doctor lottery. I was completely prepared to encounter a stubborn insistence on a scope and it didn't happen. 

...I left the exam reassured and relieved even though I now know I most likely have a hiatal hernia ( and NOT any of the things I was imagining) My take away is....Yes, people in w/d can and do develop medical issues aside from w/d sx... BUT.  rarely are they anything close to what we drive ourselves crazy with worry and fear over..  .aaand....I will never again feel bad about having a sx evaluated. 

  .I proceeded to have a really wonderful 36 hours of Effortless Mind ....This morning that seems to be dimming somewhat with not great sleep last night and mild stirrings of anxiety......

.  .just a side bar for anyone still getting the 'I can't breathe' and/or the high dry cough..  Mr. Very Good Doctor.  informed me that there is 'silent reflux'.. in which the burning is not always present but asthma lIke sx and coughing and shortness of breath are the sx... often followed after a time by upper belly pain.. 

  ....coop

[[Co...]]

Green..  I am so sorry that your fatigue is teetering on the dreaded depression .  This is just so unfair to feel to have acute sx so far out. I hope the supplement gives you the nudge over the fatigue and staves off the depression . You just so do not deserve that. I feel the same way....as long as we can get out. When I can get out I feel like normal life is within my reach. I am so thinking of you Green.  Sending you love and wishes for relief and sunbreaks..  coop

[[Si...]]

Glad your dr visit went well coop. Sorry you didn't sleep well. Now that you have some definitive info it should help some of your health fears and for you treat the problem. Would you say that now you know the pain isn't from w/d that you're farther in recovery than you thought?

 

I went to bed around 1am and didn't have much problem falling asleep. I kept waking up throughout the night though. A lot of bad dreams which is weird because I don't usually have dreams at all. Maybe a sign of healing as deep sleep is happening? Finally woke up fully around 7:30 I think. I still have the jittery pulsing head pressure. It use to come and go but since my wave started a week and a half ago it's been constant.

 

Going to eat breakfast and then head to help my wife finish setting up her classroom.

 

Hope everyone is doing ok today and has a nice rest of the day.

[[Co...]]

Nova.  You are an absolute treasure and I hate to hear that the jitters and head pressure are messing up your day. You deserve so much better . I know you have good days too, but after all these months it seems that we have earned better than the intermittent good day....I hope this is a better day for you..  coop

[[Co...]]

There are at least 2 full pages of posts that I haven't read.  My dog is at the end of his patience and I am on my way to get him out. ...Will catch up .. ...love to every single one of you....coop. 

[[Lo...]]

Hi everyone, I hope someone could chime in. Every since mid to late July certain symptoms have really ramped up 

 

I'm over the 15 months off threshold. Anyone between 15-18 experience a serious ramp up with symptoms?

 

This is crazy, just trying to stay the course. But its hard.

 

My balance is all over the place, the head pressure is back, rocky boat sensation almost daily...the pulling sensation of my head. It's horrible.

 

Praying for all of you. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi there LM,

 

Yes, I am coming up to 16 months and I feel a mess a lot of the time. Head pressure was off the scale last night and had to lie down. I don't have it right now but I am tingling all over, particularly arms and brain (sometimes the brain feels as if its burning). Breathing is laboured, motivation is zero, extreme exhaustion and light headed. Oh and of course the neck and shoulder discomfort which is there mostly all the time at varying intensity. I had a brief window last Tuesday where I had hardly any sx and was able to do a lot. Had a day out on Wednesday where I just about made it. Since then things have got bad again. I've recently started with palpitations and this worries me as I've never noticed them before. Maybe it's just the stress of this prolonged suffering. I've just had a week off and the thought of going back to work is so daunting.

 

Stay with us on here and we will get through this together. I agree this is so very hard and we WILL make it. It seems to be quite common to still be bad, even now. I am blessed to be able to speak to a support project group who have many years experience dealing with this and they say they have many people at this stage 15,16,17 months off who are struggling, so don't despair and think it's only you (easier said than done). I thoroughly believe I will have the patience of a saint when this is over. Right now, like you I'm sure and everyone else, I want it to end NOW and I want my life back. Prayers back to you 

 

thank you for everyone chiming in. I don't know the months of May and June seem to be a lot better then the end of July through now. It's so daunting and scary. I know I'm not alone. I prayed daily morning and night for all of us to heal up and be symptom-free already. It feels like such torture.so I will chime in every now and then I'm actually not on the form every day like I used to be. I do get out and enjoy as much as life as I can specially with my 4 year old son. but when I do I will make sure to come on here and see how everyone is doing and progressing.lets just all gently push forward until we get to the end of this thing.

[[dr...]]

Coop-good news on the hernia sad when something diagnosed is a relief.  Look at all the "what iffing" about the scope.  Oh my...we are so great. 

 

Siggy-why don't stores open at 6:30?  I wake up at 4am and out of bed by 6. I already was out and bought things for a small dinner at my house tonight. Home by 7:45. I would have also got my car washed, picked up dry cleaning, and lots of other small things done.    Don't feel very symptomatic right now but starting behind the eight ball as usual w severe tiredness.  I get so jealous of my fiancé who sleeps soundly to 9am on the weekends. I just want to shake and wake her...is that wrong?

 

[[Fi...]]

Drew--yes, that's wrong! You guys are a team, right?  Better ONE of the team members is getting some sleep rather than none!

[[Co...]]

Coop-good news on the hernia sad when something diagnosed is a relief.  Look at all the "what iffing" about the scope.  Oh my...we are so great. 

 

Siggy-why don't stores open at 6:30?  I wake up at 4am and out of bed by 6. I already was out and bought things for a small dinner at my house tonight. Home by 7:45. I would have also got my car washed, picked up dry cleaning, and lots of other small things done.    Don't feel very symptomatic right now but starting behind the eight ball as usual w severe tiredness.  I get so jealous of my fiancé who sleeps soundly to 9am on the weekends. I just want to shake and wake her...is that wrong?

 

.....Drew ...yes I totally get it....a dx that is amy thing less than our what our wild health fear driven minds conjure up is such a relief...A hiatal hernia I cam deal with ....pancreatic cancer ( that exists only in my fear) takes up way too much brain and life space....

.....Sorry your sleep is wonky.. I am also up between 4/5.. I see a lot of people say that sleep and fatigue are the last things to go. ....Wanting to shake and wake your partner.  Lol...I get it...not wrong to want to.  Just don't do it.. Unless you go out on your early morning jaunt and bring her back a nice latte and pastry. 

....So glad to hear that you are at least getting some relief from some of your more distressing sx.  .Enjoy your dinner tonight.....coop

[[Co...]]

We are just experiencing another SNARU ... situation normal, all ramped up ...

 

In Appendix 78 of the Ashton Manual they speak about this late in the game phenomenon ... it is a special little jigger the drug companies build into these drugs to keep people from getting off them ... the SNARU molecule is attached just to the left of the 14th hydrocarbon array ...

 

The molecule is designed to activate in month 15 or 16 so that the RLM-47 step down phase is initiated ... RLM-47 initiates the RIDGAS receptor and creates the recovery experience of the endless looping of symptoms ... (RLM stands for "Really Low Morale" and RIDGAS stands for "Really, I Don't Give A Shit") ...

 

It is all really simple chemistry ... all drug developers learn this in HTSTC 101 class ... (How To Screw The Customer) ...

 

Any normal binary response merely serves to keep the person endlessly looping until they run thru the Red Door kicking and screaming ...

 

The only known antidote for SNARU got lost when they were re-formulating the recipe for Benzo Con Carne ... someone dropped the chit in the sauce and just kept on stirring ...

 

So ... the only thing left to report is ... hope we all have a good evening ... the

red door is never locked ... 

 

........Nova....this just made my morning.....what a brain you have!.....You really do need to write a book for everyone out there suffering.You have such an extrordinary blend of knowledgeable information, personal experience, wisedom, compassion , humor and honesty. It would be such a great way to impact your community and beyond.....along with your thoughts regarding on the ground face to face support. And...I want a signed copy. ....feel better today dear friend.  carry on.  coop

[[Co...]]

Glad your dr visit went well coop. Sorry you didn't sleep well. Now that you have some definitive info it should help some of your health fears and for you treat the problem. Would you say that now you know the pain isn't from w/d that you're farther in recovery than you thought?

 

I went to bed around 1am and didn't have much problem falling asleep. I kept waking up throughout the night though. A lot of bad dreams which is weird because I don't usually have dreams at all. Maybe a sign of healing as deep sleep is happening? Finally woke up fully around 7:30 I think. I still have the jittery pulsing head pressure. It use to come and go but since my wave started a week and a half ago it's been constant.

 

Going to eat breakfast and then head to help my wife finish setting up her classroom.

 

Hope everyone is doing ok today and has a nice rest of the day.

 

.....Siggy....absolutely yes, I feel that my healing is very much improved since month 16, 17, 18, 19....if I set aside the reflux issue. I do believe that the reflux issue is exacerbated by w/d and the stress and health fear that is 90% w/d.....If not for the reflux ( actually diagnosed as GERD SECONDARY to hiatal hernia) I would be at a pretty reliable 85% ...

.....Very glad to hear that you got some better sleep....and speaking as a retired teacher..  what a great guy you are to go with your wife and help her set up her classroom....that is a big big job.  .but it is fun..  Wishing you sunbreaks today.  Nice start with breakfast out.....coop

[[ci...]]

News Alert: Jenny21 has been off the forum for a few days and her last post was very positive, out enjoying life. She is too busy to post anymore......This has put a smile on my face today. :yippee: :yippee:

[[Gr...]]

Green..  I am so sorry that your fatigue is teetering on the dreaded depression .  This is just so unfair to feel to have acute sx so far out. I hope the supplement gives you the nudge over the fatigue and staves off the depression . You just so do not deserve that. I feel the same way....as long as we can get out. When I can get out I feel like normal life is within my reach. I am so thinking of you Green.  Sending you love and wishes for relief and sunbreaks..  coop

 

Coop, thank you! You are so caring, no matter what's going on with you.

On your above post, about the reflux?  That upper stomach pain you talk about?  I had a nasty bout of left side upper abdominal quad crampy kind of pain yesterday, and I suspected it was due to acid because I've had gastritis in the past (I think due to benzos because I got it so young) in my case I took a full strength nexium because I am already on PPI's and would rather deal with getting off of them after wd.  but the pain I had resolved quickly after taking the nexium. 

So my experience has been i'm getting extra acid-type symptoms this far out in healing, and I haven't had any problem for a long time.  You might have a hiatal hernia, maybe not.  so good that you have a doctor that isn't pushing you into the procedure room.  so good that you had 36 beautiful hours of living. My point, this time in healing brings a lot of people a lot of GI stuff.  it may be nothing.  and, as the good doctor said, a hernia is not a major health event.  you can even deal with it non surgically.

 

So glad you found this good doctor.  Instead of trolling benzo horror stories, I spent sometime trolling pharma whistleblower youtubes.  Oh, my, lions and tigers and bears.  I started with Gwen Olsen and kept going.  Gwen wrote a book, not just about benzos, but about all psychotropic drugs.  and there's another guy, Indian doctor, blowing his whistle all over the place, another book.  so many stories out there. and a very good in depth docu by Australian news about the scam of anti cholesterol drugs.

 

I'm glad I got to see all of that.  They're all saying basically what we all believe here, that the system is rigged, that big pharma wants us all not healthy, not dead, but sick and on maintenance drugs of one sort or other for the rest of our lives.  even going so far as to say, like big tobacco, which I liken them to now, that they're running out of adult baby boomers, so they're targeting children, as Tobacco did.  and when are people going to wake up and see what's happening.  I wasn't horrified, I felt like benzo wd made me see things that I wasn't aware of before.  it's like withdrawal gave us enough distance so we could stop drinking the Kool Aid and see what the hell is going on.

 

Sorry, I digress.

 

I'm having some quiet time.  I had to rein myself in, back up, and accept where I'm at.  Where I'm at is, I feel healing, I feel myself sleeping in a way I have to define as normal and healthy and -- well, like healing sleep.  As Nova said, our brains might need us to slow down while they do this good work.  so I'm not in any distress.  like Nova, feel somewhat shell shocked.  I'm not in distress.  I'm home in pajamas but feel like a kid when mom let me stay home for slight temp, so I'm home sick, but I'm really enjoying being home alone watching TV.  as long as I don't freak and think life is passing me by, I'm fine.  that's all about the acceptance, and recognizing the fear as a benzo symptom.

 

so tonight I must get out, lol,  I have tickets for Russian Ballet, Solo for Two.  What's with the Russians?  City Center must have given them a group invite.

 

Have the best day you can, everyone. 

Ah, another day in the life of a benzo withdrawal survivor!