12-18 month support

[[dr...]]

good morning all...I actually slept well...I have noticed if I eat a few tortilla chips and guac a bit before bed I sleep better...hmmm...now part of my routine. 

 

After my terrible day yesterday with my migraine so far today seeems ok.  I learned my scalp pain is a condition called occipital neuralgia.  It is a nerve condition that can be caused by migraines or can cause migraines.  Swollen or hyperactive nerves in the scalp and head.  In addition, the sharp stabbing pain that went into my eye was listed a s symptom.    It is completely harmless(even web md says so which it must be because even a mosquito bite leads to death there )  It is debilitating for me though.  I am sure it is a direct result from my recovery which has seen a very large increase in my migraines. 

I have decided to go to a migraine specialist to see what I can do to get some relief.  I have given up gluten, meditate, exercise, get cranial massages, etc...  I am not looking to take any medication but they do inject botox which temporarily deadens the nerve endings.  This is something I feel I should check out.  If I can find some relief most of my other symptoms are manageable.  The migraines ruin a week for me and they cause chemical anxiety, DR, and pain.  Now...I am 99% sure it is withdrawal related but I need relief from it and my goal is to find relief for the migraine and reevaluate how I am doing in six months or a year.         

[[No...]]

Good Morning/Afternoon ... got woken up with another thunder storm in the middle of the night ... finally went back to sleep at dawn and slept for a while ...

 

Had a good walk but the humidity is still beyond my liking ...

 

Another a/c afternoon ...

 

[[Co...]]

DREW....so sorry that you are getting hit so hard again . My heart just goes out to you. I was happy to read that this headache clutch of sx was more of a 24 hour wave and you seemed to recover from it with a pretty good 'center' again. You have every right to be pissed as hell....I also get so angry with feeling just so jerked around by benzo. ..Drew, I really think you are going to see some turn around the closer you get to month 18..  give or take.  Thinking of you ....and learning from you every time I read your posts.

....NOVA....so so happy to hear that you had a good day...You were owed several, but we take what we can get. I hope the sunbreak just keeps going through today....and the next 50 years.  .What's going on in your kithen today?.. 

......GREEN.....yes....let's cap this misery at month 24. I didn't mean that I was anticipating ongoing w/d sx all the way through year 3. I just have the feeling that for me , I have a sense that things might linger on a low level for another 6-12 months while I pick up my life again. In spite of health fear my second year is finally feeling so much better. So much has faded ( head pressure, daily d/r, intense agoraphobia, out right dizziness and gripping fear when talking to someone). I no longer doubt that this will end, but I have given up the idea of a 'miracle healing'......of waking up one morning and jumping out of bed with my entire whole life back....I had some pretty hard fatigue yesterday after shopping with my daughter....and a total panicky anxiety attack this morning lasting a couple of hours.....driven by upper belly pain...of course and the anticipation of seeing the gastrinteroligist tomorrow. It passed to mere garden variety fear.. lol....not actually in the soup...floating along on my carrot raft...How about you?

......BEULAH....have to thank you again for all the very helpful advice on reflux....I broke the cardinal rule of not eating in bed. Last night I had a small slice of turkey and Swiss cheese on half a slice of Nann bread.....and paid for it all night and woke up to big anxiety this morning.    Won't be doing that again.  How is your day shaping up?.  Sending you wishes for  ig sunbreaks

......SIGGY...thank you for reminding me that reflux exacerbates itself.  So true. . I have been expecting straight forward speedy healing from it.  Nope, it's circular ...just like w/d.  It is part of w/d.  ..Siggy, I hope things are letting up for you. You have had a tough streak.  It is such a lonely trek in terms of people in our real lives not being able to understand what we are going through.....even though by association they are going through it with us... they have lost chunks of the lives they used to share with us.  I have such huge respect for all the extrordinary spouses that are mentioned on this thread. ....Keep coming to the thread.  We so get it....We are right there with you.

. ...SKY....So glad you found the perfect house .  even though it needs refreshing.  You are such a lovely human being to purchase a home with room for your mother....and moving close to her....Are you still in an every other good day/ not so goid day pattern?.. .Your posts are looking so much improved. ...I know you are still having some tough days and moving won't be easy.    But you are doing it without intense anxiety attacks.  That's huge.    Carry on Sky....this king of you

 

......Well, I had the first intense panicky anxiety attack this morning....of several weeks ( please excuse that terrible sentence structure....I am too lazy to re-write it)  It lasted about 2 hours and has leveled off to just mental hypochondria. I had some really painful upper belly stuff last night and of course I have diagnosed myself with pancreatic cancer.  Uugghhhh....I hate this!...Like Drew, when it gets to the point of painful sx coupled with vivid scenarios of hospitalization , procedures and dire diagnoses.  all strategies and reassuring rational self talk just fly out the window....nothing can be done except wait it out.  Like waiting for waterboarding to end....At least I don't even bother to think about going to er any more. I know it will pass. So it is only 8am and I feel totally beat up , but not hopelessly discouraged. I have some plans with my daughter today and I am going to follow through with them. 

.....Wishing everyone some decent sunbreaks and the best day possible.  coop

 

[[Co...]]

Drew, just on my way out with the dog....but have to say.. IMO.  Going to the migraine specialist is a very good idea. To me it seems like seeing the therapist.  Strategies for the relief and coping that you need. ..IMO....BRAVO....carry on....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... mental hypochondria ... yep ... I have been practicing that for so long it comes natural ... 

 

Sorry you are getting hit again ... the anxiety/panic stuff is gruelling ...

 

I am having a so-so day ... not as good as yesterday, better than the day before ...

 

Have a good walk ... 

[[No...]]

Drew ... I don't know anything about migraines other than folks tell me they can be awful ... do what you can, if there is some relief out there I am sure you will find it ...

[[Co...]]

Hiya Robert,

 

No one can tell you whats best for you besides you of course. I will let you know that, for me, every symptom I've experienced in this process (however odd they may be) has turned out to be nothing at all, and chalked up to "withdrawal" for me. This includes the "normal" withdrawal symptoms like elevated heartrate, panic attacks, anxiety, fear, sweating, nausea, weight loss, etc. But, for me, it also included some "not-so-common" stuff, like: from December '13 through September '14,miStuff like that

 

Obscure weird stuff, for sure! I always felt it a good idea to get things checked out, andvif I had to do it again, I'd still get it all checked out, but for me, it all turned out to be nothing (whew!) I remember someone recently saying that they've been a part of the forum for a couple years now, and of all the posts of folks who got this checked out and that checked out, no one had ever come back with whatever they "thought" they had. I can attest to the same experience, as I've been a part of the forum for a couple years now Lol. This process is for the birds, for sure!!

 

I hope you're feeling better soon, buddy I always like to get things checked out, just for some mental rest, but feel free to do what you feel is best for you Either way, we are healing!! Take care buddy,

 

Mrs.

 

    Mrs. , ....that had to be terrifying.. .as a breast cancer thriver, I am so glad you had it evaluated and treated and you are ok...  ...Nice to see you here.  As always you sound incredibly positive and healing every day..  ..love to you..  coop

 

How awful  Mrs, you were very brave !

[[Co...]]

Coop ... mental hypochondria ... yep ... I have been practicing that for so long it comes natural ... 

 

Sorry you are getting hit again ... the anxiety/panic stuff is gruelling ...

 

I am having a so-so day ... not as good as yesterday, better than the day before ...

 

Have a good walk ... 

 

.......Nova....you are so graceful about it..  In a wave it transforms me into someone I don't recognize..  It seems to be getting less of an every day sx, but when it hits nothing really helps except knowing it will pass because I have been on that ride a gazillion times!  ...You are sounding good again today....as it should be.  Enjoy your ac day in...Its,hot already here too.  If I don't get out by 7 am the poor dog drags along with his tongue hanging out.  We have at least a month of dog days of summer....I am with you.....thank goodness for ac. .carry on.....  coop

[[Si...]]

Thanks for the nice words coop. My wave continues as it has for the past week. Just totally cruddy feeling. The only good news is that I slept last night again. Went to bed around 1am, but probably didn't fall asleep until 1:45 - 2. Had a few night awakenings, but fell back asleep. The alarm clock has woken me up the last few mornings, which is something that hasn't happened in a while. So I'm hoping all of this starts to quickly get better for me soon.

 

I'm super busy at work with a lot of very large jobs. I'm working on a large complicated one for our company VP (use to be one of our sales reps for a long time). She was giving me compliments on how fast I'm working on the job. Somehow I don't know how I keep moving forward even though I feel like crud most of the day. 

 

drew, sorry about the migraines, luckily I haven't ever had to deal with that. I do have a few co-workers that get them intermittently.

 

I'm trying to not be on the boards so much. I may stop in later though.

[[No...]]

Coop ... in the 90s here which is warm for us ... and the humidity sucks ...

 

Not much doing today ... yep, the dog days are here ... 

[[Gr...]]

Hi 12-18 ( and beyond) buddies....just a quick update...

....My wide open window of last week has definitely dimmed down. Back to a good baseline of 80%- 85%....I would rather have the window....I would rather be done, but I will take the goid baseline. ...My fatigue is better, but still need to rest in the afternoon. The scary wierd heavy d/r passed after a day....thank goodness, I remember last year when it could go on for days at a time. My health fear is running at a 'nearly normal'  pace....just reasonable (for me) worry ( not full out anxiety) about why the reflux isn't just disappearing and the upcoming consult with the gastrointerologist. Feeling a little self shaming over the number of clinic visits I have put in over the past 3 months. I have never seen the doctor so much in my entire life. I am a little embarrassed as a BB on this thread because everyone else seems to be much more able to have good faith in the process and ability to wait out the sx. ...I know..  no good comparing....and my single goal in all of this is to stay off of benzos and survive....any way that I can..Still...I am having a bout of ' sheepiness'....lol...so one more reflux follow up ....which might lead to another ultrasound of my gallbladder and a barium swallow test. If it were not for the reflux I would be at a solid 90% ....I know it will eventually end....but it seems like it does not want to redolve...just w/d or a medical issue that needs a correct diagnosis?.....round and round my mind goes....

....Wishing everyone a day bright with sunbreaks...and decent energy to enjoy it.....coop

 

Coop, you have a symptom, health fear. It's a symptom, just like palpitations and exhaustion.

 

I had it shortly, nothing like you and I count my blessings, I don't have it now, it sounds awful.

 

I had it projected to other people and I wanted to send my mom and mr Sky to have continuous check ups ! think how much fun it was for them to have to listen to me panic about them being about to drop dead any minute ! 

 

What I mean, is that it's not rational, it's not you who is not accepting the process. On a good day, you do accept it, so it's just a symptom, it's not you.

 

Btw, thanks for your nice words about haggling. They cheered me up and I stopped worrying after that, can you believe it ? Magical.

 

Anyway, we got a more reasonable price on the house yesterday, mr Sky did his best.

 

So today, we continued our packing and I just got proof I can't do exercise anytime soon !!! today, it nearly killed me, I didn't realize it, I tried to help a little and really felt very sick afterwards. Scary. 

 

Anyway, on Friday, we are going to my mother's, in the south of Italy. She will be broken hearted to hear we are not staying all of August, but I hope she realizes that we willl be seeing each other more often.

 

The house we are getting, needs a lot of work which we can't afford now. We will work on it slowly, very slowly. But it has tons of space, an appartment for her as well, she can come to visit and stay a long while. That's why we chose this house.

 

Who knows how it will go.

 

Now, I have  UTI. Probably the stress. There is a lot going on right now, so it's understandable.

 

I remember Coop having it, so I am not worried. Only yesterday was it really bad in the car, it was so painful.

 

Otherwise, it's same old, same old. Bad day, good day, on and on, feels like forever.

 

In the evenings, my thoughts go nuts, just nuts.

 

 

Nova, your dragon poem, I really liked it. I wanted to bookmark it, but I can't find it anymore.

 

Did you write it ?

 

 

I am going to bed now, speak soon, thanks to everyone for your advice and support, you are helping me enormously. 

 

Heal on, everybody.

 

Sky, congratulations on the house!  So, so happy for you.  Yes, life goes on.  So is your new house in the south, too?

 

You sound very, very good.

 

It's even more in the North of Italy, closer to Milan.

 

VERY, VERY NICE. SOUNDS LIKE A HAPPY HEALTHY NEW START.  AND MILAN IS SO BEAUTIFUL. I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE SINCE I WAS EARLY 20s, A MILLION YEARS AGO.  CONGRATULATIONS, AGAIN

[[Gr...]]

DREW....so sorry that you are getting hit so hard again . My heart just goes out to you. I was happy to read that this headache clutch of sx was more of a 24 hour wave and you seemed to recover from it with a pretty good 'center' again. You have every right to be pissed as hell....I also get so angry with feeling just so jerked around by benzo. ..Drew, I really think you are going to see some turn around the closer you get to month 18..  give or take.  Thinking of you ....and learning from you every time I read your posts.

....NOVA....so so happy to hear that you had a good day...You were owed several, but we take what we can get. I hope the sunbreak just keeps going through today....and the next 50 years.  .What's going on in your kithen today?.. 

......GREEN.....yes....let's cap this misery at month 24. I didn't mean that I was anticipating ongoing w/d sx all the way through year 3. I just have the feeling that for me , I have a sense that things might linger on a low level for another 6-12 months while I pick up my life again. In spite of health fear my second year is finally feeling so much better. So much has faded ( head pressure, daily d/r, intense agoraphobia, out right dizziness and gripping fear when talking to someone). I no longer doubt that this will end, but I have given up the idea of a 'miracle healing'......of waking up one morning and jumping out of bed with my entire whole life back....I had some pretty hard fatigue yesterday after shopping with my daughter....and a total panicky anxiety attack this morning lasting a couple of hours.....driven by upper belly pain...of course and the anticipation of seeing the gastrinteroligist tomorrow. It passed to mere garden variety fear.. lol....not actually in the soup...floating along on my carrot raft...How about you?

......BEULAH....have to thank you again for all the very helpful advice on reflux....I broke the cardinal rule of not eating in bed. Last night I had a small slice of turkey and Swiss cheese on half a slice of Nann bread.....and paid for it all night and woke up to big anxiety this morning.    Won't be doing that again.  How is your day shaping up?.  Sending you wishes for  ig sunbreaks

......SIGGY...thank you for reminding me that reflux exacerbates itself.  So true. . I have been expecting straight forward speedy healing from it.  Nope, it's circular ...just like w/d.  It is part of w/d.  ..Siggy, I hope things are letting up for you. You have had a tough streak.  It is such a lonely trek in terms of people in our real lives not being able to understand what we are going through.....even though by association they are going through it with us... they have lost chunks of the lives they used to share with us.  I have such huge respect for all the extrordinary spouses that are mentioned on this thread. ....Keep coming to the thread.  We so get it....We are right there with you.

. ...SKY....So glad you found the perfect house .  even though it needs refreshing.  You are such a lovely human being to purchase a home with room for your mother....and moving close to her....Are you still in an every other good day/ not so goid day pattern?.. .Your posts are looking so much improved. ...I know you are still having some tough days and moving won't be easy.    But you are doing it without intense anxiety attacks.  That's huge.    Carry on Sky....this king of you

 

......Well, I had the first intense panicky anxiety attack this morning....of several weeks ( please excuse that terrible sentence structure....I am too lazy to re-write it)  It lasted about 2 hours and has leveled off to just mental hypochondria. I had some really painful upper belly stuff last night and of course I have diagnosed myself with pancreatic cancer.  Uugghhhh....I hate this!...Like Drew, when it gets to the point of painful sx coupled with vivid scenarios of hospitalization , procedures and dire diagnoses.  all strategies and reassuring rational self talk just fly out the window....nothing can be done except wait it out.  Like waiting for waterboarding to end....At least I don't even bother to think about going to er any more. I know it will pass. So it is only 8am and I feel totally beat up , but not hopelessly discouraged. I have some plans with my daughter today and I am going to follow through with them. 

.....Wishing everyone some decent sunbreaks and the best day possible.  coop

 

Coop, I'm with you, I know it's going to take more time, as you say.  How I cope with that is very much dependent on how I'm feeling at the moment

 

I'm a little better today, I mean I don't feel terrible in general, I'm just sleeping A LOT, and still always tired, and have no interest IN ANYTHING.  except my family tree, which has grown to over 7000 ppl.  I don't know that I'm even related to most of them.  way beyond kissing cousins.

happy to say mental clarity is surviving the whole thing.  sleep is poor.  someone told me to rock to get rid of vibes, and damned if that didn't work.

I've reached out to MikeJee and Eli1111.  the mikejee connect was positive.  eli111 threw me a curve ball, said I should look up a woman who took 3 1/2 hears to heal.  not his fault.  it's very easy to rock the boat of someone in the  throes of benzo withdrawal. 

I'm starting to realize that I'm miserable because I'm fighting it, I lost the ole acceptance mode, hence, the hysterics. but in my defense, I usually only get hysterical when things get quite hairy.

so this is the new normal?  so I'd better settle down and get used to it. :'(

 

 

have a better day, everyone

[[pe...]]

Hey Green,

I'm just bopping in and may have missed the part where you received a memo from the benzo clerk about how long you would take to heal. But according to your ticker you're at 20 months and the rule book distinctly states that no one gets to question anything until they hit the 24 month mark. Looks like you've got some time.

Someone (maybe you) just finished telling me that a month is like dog years in brain recovery.

 

Seriously, I'm sorry things are hairy and acceptance has slipped out the door ( I know the feeling!). But you're also doing amazing. Who else got on a plane and went to Georgia on her own, goes into THE city for theatre on a regular basis, responds to nearly every post? Um, no one but you. And sleep is good for the brain. Sleep on!

 

I see you're healing. Good things are happening and improvements are coming in the next few months. Always gonna be here for you.

 

Peace2

[[No...]]

Hi Peace ... there was a memo? ... probably got shredded ...

 

Hope you are doing well ...

 

Take care, my friend ... 

[[No...]]

Green ... doesn't the "new normal" change every other day? ... 

 

And ... the rocking has worked for me ... sorry I never mentioned it ... 

[[Ko...]]

Hello to  my 12-18 months  buddies,

 

I've been off Benzo Buddies fir a couple of weeks. I'm 40 pages behind with our group. I thought I would report in and then go back and read. I hope I find some good news.

 

I'm now in month 21 and I've been in a wave for over 2 weeks.  Getting no windows at all.  My symptoms are the same with a few new  ones added.  My legs continue to burn & sting at level 5 to 8 using the 1 to 10 scale.  I started to get muscle cramping in my butt whenever I walked more than 2o feet. Very painful. Went to the doctor and she gave me a muscle relaxer which really helps.  It also helps me sleep.  The first day I took the muscle relaxer I slept for 14 hrs. Weird, because it doesn't make me feel drowsy.  So the muscle cramping is new.  Also, now have acid reflux that many of you have suffered with. I've been taking my Pepcid Complete which works, but I may need something stronger if it continues.  My leg muscles just don't work very well, I'm not walking normally.  I like to walk, but with the cramping & weak muscles I can barely walk my dog.  I still have a giant Benzo Belly that causes me pain with muscle cramping & pressure around ribs. The muscle relaxer helps that too.  The off balance boatiness has not improved, I have that 24/7. It's really bad when I stand & walk. Less off balance when sitting, but still there.

 

I was hoping that these symptoms would begin to improve, but instead they've gotten worse. My mental attitude has gotten worse with depression rearing its ugly head. That's improved some because I've been able to sleep.  Just wish the burning legs would stop. It's constant with no break which is new the last few weeks. I've tried everything that's been recommended, but nothing helps now. Thank god the muscle relaxer puts me to sleep or I would not be sleeping at all with the stinging legs. Oh, I forgot, I found these socks that come with ice packs. They work great when your feet are hot and burning. I got them from FootSmart, cost $22.  Well worth the cost.

 

That's my update. I'm hoping things will start to improve so I can begin to at least walk more. I'm going to go read your posts to see what's happening with you. I hope it's good news.

[[dr...]]

Coop, Korbe, and green....sorry you're all getting hit.  I had what we would call a slight reprieve today.  Some head pain but very little anxiety.  The migraine takes about a week to run its course from start to finish and I'm damn tired. 

I had the appt that set off a freak out last week and it was okay.  I couldn't even make myself nervous about it beforehand!  Usually when I think about a meeting I get symptoms. No bs.  I told them I'm dealing w migraines and I might be a bit off. They were totally understanding.  I did great but I did get symptomatic but a 5 on a Korbe 1-10 scale.  I even extended the meeting for ten minutes with small talk. I was laughing and joking.  Almost normal.  I found everyone I mention the migraine thing to is super understanding and it takes the pressure off being perfect.  This again shows me 90% of it is out of my control until I'm healed.  I'm just surrendering to the process.

 

After the meeting my brain was buzzing and tired.  I got home and decided to do my hike. Halfway in I thought better of pushing too hard. My ear was ringing and when I feel okay I can overdo it. I came home and I'm glad I did as DR was showing up.  All in all I'm thankful I had a manageable experience in my meeting.

 

Hope everyone sleeps well.

[[Co...]]

Green, .  I am with you....tired tired all the time.  My fatigue is deep in the morning and let's up some in the afternoon.I really have not experienced fatigue like this ever. I feel like my body is literally filled with cement. Heavy heavy limbs and a physical feeling that I am actually unable to get up....it is spooky wierd. I am not sleeping great but I am getting some sleep at night....enough to not be physically incapacitated by fatigue.  Yep.  A few more months.  Like Peace reminds us.. the rule book of w/d stipulates.....Q&A following the 24 month core presentation...  We really are getting there....and yes , accepting and surrendering helps us stop spinning in our minds, but damn!....it is so hard to accept and surrender to sx after a period of feeling good....Green, I am 100% convinced beyond even an inkling of a doubt that you are mere milileters away from healing.  7000 relatives?.  Thats not a family tree , it's a forest..  You have been busy all these months of w/d.. I have nothing to show for 2 years of w/d except drawers and closets that have been cleaned out so many times that they are practically bare...Wishing you rest tonight.  coop

[[Co...]]

Hello to  my 12-18 months  buddies,

 

I've been off Benzo Buddies fir a couple of weeks. I'm 40 pages behind with our group. I thought I would report in and then go back and read. I hope I find some good news.

 

I'm now in month 21 and I've been in a wave for over 2 weeks.  Getting no windows at all.  My symptoms are the same with a few new  ones added.  My legs continue to burn & sting at level 5 to 8 using the 1 to 10 scale.  I started to get muscle cramping in my butt whenever I walked more than 2o feet. Very painful. Went to the doctor and she gave me a muscle relaxer which really helps.  It also helps me sleep.  The first day I took the muscle relaxer I slept for 14 hrs. Weird, because it doesn't make me feel drowsy.  So the muscle cramping is new.  Also, now have acid reflux that many of you have suffered with. I've been taking my Pepcid Complete which works, but I may need something stronger if it continues.  My leg muscles just don't work very well, I'm not walking normally.  I like to walk, but with the cramping & weak muscles I can barely walk my dog.  I still have a giant Benzo Belly that causes me pain with muscle cramping & pressure around ribs. The muscle relaxer helps that too.  The off balance boatiness has not improved, I have that 24/7. It's really bad when I stand & walk. Less off balance when sitting, but still there.

 

I was hoping that these symptoms would begin to improve, but instead they've gotten worse. My mental attitude has gotten worse with depression rearing its ugly head. That's improved some because I've been able to sleep.  Just wish the burning legs would stop. It's constant with no break which is new the last few weeks. I've tried everything that's been recommended, but nothing helps now. Thank god the muscle relaxer puts me to sleep or I would not be sleeping at all with the stinging legs. Oh, I forgot, I found these socks that come with ice packs. They work great when your feet are hot and burning. I got them from FootSmart, cost $22.  Well worth the cost.

 

That's my update. I'm hoping things will start to improve so I can begin to at least walk more. I'm going to go read your posts to see what's happening with you. I hope it's good news.

 

....Korbe....it's goid to see you. I wish you were feeling better. I was in a 3 month wave ( most of April, May, June and most of July)  .months 17.5, 18, 19, and 20. ....Also no windows, few sunbreaks. I refer it as acute 2.3.....Those 3 months were the the worst ongoing miserable wave of year one. ....What the hell is with the reflux. I got hit with it in month 19....still doing followups on it. I took gaviscon for it and the gaviscon made me sicker. Now I am totally altering my diet and that is helping some....gastrointerologist followup tomorrow. It is totally miserable. Did you get a high dry on again off again cough with it?.. So sorry Korbe.  Beulah had /has it too and she gave me very helpful advice.  Pm me if you want to.

    Good news that the muscle relaxant is helping your body pain. Did it help your reflux?....Maybe I will beg my doctor for one....I am glad that it helps you with sleep. No sleep just amplifies every single sx

  Hold on ....you have come so far...through tough waves and sx.  You are going to get better Korbe.  We all are..  coop

[[Te...]]

I'm so laughing at your comment Coop...on closet cleaning....closets and drawers are my detours ... Ive made so many trips to good will....when upset or overwhelmed with health issues...and what disease I might have...I try and stop the negative thinking by cleaning closets and drawers.....thinking I'll have to work on attic next....if this keeps up..

Healing hugs!TM

[[Co...]]

Peace.  You are sounding good dear friend.  How is your belly pain?..  So good to see you ... Wishing you Effortless Mind days.... coop

[[Co...]]

I'm so laughing at your comment Coop...on closet cleaning....closets and drawers are my detours ... Ive made so many trips to good will....when upset or overwhelmed with health issues...and what disease I might have...I try and stop the negative thinking by cleaning closets and drawers.....thinking I'll have to work on attic next....if this keeps up..

Healing hugs!TM

[/quote....

......TexasMama.....Yep....endless repetitive cleaning and fussing and organizing....a project for every day....even if it was a do over of the same project I had completed the day before....got me through so many heavy anxiety days....and like you, redirected my mind away from the ever revolving self diagnoses of fatal illnesses.  .How are you doing now.  Good to see you here....I am wishing you wide open windows.....hugs back to you. ...coop

[[Co...]]

Coop, Korbe, and green....sorry you're all getting hit.  I had what we would call a slight reprieve today.  Some head pain but very little anxiety.  The migraine takes about a week to run its course from start to finish and I'm damn tired. 

I had the appt that set off a freak out last week and it was okay.  I couldn't even make myself nervous about it beforehand!  Usually when I think about a meeting I get symptoms. No bs.  I told them I'm dealing w migraines and I might be a bit off. They were totally understanding.  I did great but I did get symptomatic but a 5 on a Korbe 1-10 scale.  I even extended the meeting for ten minutes with small talk. I was laughing and joking.  Almost normal.  I found everyone I mention the migraine thing to is super understanding and it takes the pressure off being perfect.  This again shows me 90% of it is out of my control until I'm healed.  I'm just surrendering to the process.

 

After the meeting my brain was buzzing and tired.  I got home and decided to do my hike. Halfway in I thought better of pushing too hard. My ear was ringing and when I feel okay I can overdo it. I came home and I'm glad I did as DR was showing up.  All in all I'm thankful I had a manageable experience in my meeting.

 

Hope everyone sleeps well.

.....Drew,...so glad for you that things are letting up. Yep.  90% of this is just out of our control. ....My cover is 'vertigo'...which is a true sx for me ( not very much any more)  .When I am having terrible anxiety and have to cancel or turn down or back out of things I play the vertigo card.  Like you, I find almost everyone sympathetic and accommodating to my explanations. ....Hope your d/r lets up.. Wishing you some goid sleep and a better day tomorrow.....coop

[[Ko...]]

It took me 5 hrs to read all your posts.  Unfortunately, I didn't read much good news. Most everyone is in the soup and trying to survive horrendous side effects that would send  most people running to the ER. Most of the time we recognize that the ER would do no good because it's just W/D.

 

Seems most of us are still struggling with people who find it hard to believe that we could still be suffering from W/d. It's so sad too, because it's hard enough to go through this and then have people question our integrity. What can we do but just fight on.

 

I'm glad to read that none of you have lost your will to fight to the end. We all will heal it's just going to be f..ing unconfortable getting there.

 

Hope you all have a window real soon.

 

Korbe

[[Ko...]]

Coop,

 

I do not have the cough you describe or the pain in the gut.  I do get a cough if I wake in the night with acid up in my throat. Then I cough for a while. I think the acid actually gets into your lungs, and can cause pneumonia. So, we need to get it under ciontrol.  First rule for me is to no eat anything sweet after 7 am.  I think this has started for me because I'm finally sleeping in the night. Before I only slept during the day.  I'm definitely going to get some Prilosec. I'll use it for a month then taper off.  That should help heal any problems.  You could do the same and avoid all those tests which can be dangerous.  The scopes they use have been found to carry a dangerous bateria than killed 7 people at UCLA this past year.  Apparently, the scopes are difficult to clean properly. The FDA just came out with there findings according to an article in the LA Times.  The scopes are made by Olympus and they are used 80% of the time everywhere.  It's really scary to think a scope can pass on a killer bacteria during a endoscopy. Don't mean to scare you, but I'd think twice about having that test done.  If you're looking for cancer there are other tests that would be better. Besides most stomach issues related to GERD they just prescribe Prilosec or generic.