12-18 month support

[[Si...]]

Nova, Sorry you're having a bad day. Hope it gets better tonight.

[[dr...]]

Robert-the cooking is my savior too. Very rarely does it not make me focus less on my symptoms.

 

Green-today is no anxiety just super DR. I'm in another reality whilst glimpsing the world through my eyes. Without the anxiety though I can do things from a place of calmness.  I ran many errands today, did 13 minutes of a px90 tape(feel so weak and I even took it so slow), and am going to make BBQ oysters w wild salmon for dinner.  If the adrenaline rushes and anxiety are calm I can deal w almost everything else. 

 

Robert 2-when in a wave I feel it's me and when in a window I feel it's the benzos. 

[[No...]]

Drew ... "when in a wave I feel it's me and when in a window I feel it's the benzos" ... yep ... 

[[No...]]

Siggy ... I seem to be in an "active" stretch ... and it always runs out of steam in its own good time ...

 

Hope you get a good rest tonight ... 

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... I seem to be in an "active" stretch ... and it always runs out of steam in its own good time ...

 

Hope you get a good rest tonight ... 

 

Thanks Nova! Me too. Hope you sleep well tonight also. I always have worries if I'll sleep the next night or not. Hate that of course I NEVER had to worry about that before. Sleep was something that just always happened every night. I've had some surging early that lasted about an hour. I just can't get out if the loop of thinking what this has done to me and that there really isn't any way out but to go through it. Also the thoughts that I'll never truly fully recover from this are persistent.

 

[[Si...]]

Today is my 15 month mark!

[[dr...]]

Congrats siggy!!!

[[Si...]]

Congrats siggy!!!

 

Thanks drew! My tandem 15 month buddy!

[[dr...]]

Well...I hope your next three days into month fifteen are better than my last three

[[Si...]]

Well...I hope your next three days into month fifteen are better than my last three

 

Agreed. Especially my last few days have sucked pretty bad. Came out of a three week beautiful window straight into fry-ville. Yesterday was for sure terrible for me. Total benzo flu, jitters, pacing around the house, burning all the way up my spine. Didn't start feeling somewhat ok until later last night. Don't feel great today, but better than yesterday and luckily got some restorative sleep. Hope you pull out of it before work. And hoping our next three months we see some great healing. That'll put us at the 18 month mark.

[[Si...]]

So just wondering what everbody here uses to stay read and post to BB?

 

I use my iphone / iPad at home and use my desktop at work.

[[Sk...]]

Today is my 15 month mark!

 

    Congrats Siggy !

 

You have come a long way, sorry you are feeling bad on your anniversary, but wd is that way, never  off duty !

[[Si...]]

Today is my 15 month mark!

 

    Congrats Siggy !

 

You have come a long way, sorry you are feeling bad on your anniversary, but wd is that way, never  off duty !

 

Grazie Mille Sky!

 

You know what else is weird? Yesterday was 13 years my wife and I have been together. The day I stopped was on my 5th wedding anniversary last year. So this crap has nearly lined up with some other life milestones.

[[Sk...]]

Robert-the cooking is my savior too. Very rarely does it not make me focus less on my symptoms.

 

Green-today is no anxiety just super DR. I'm in another reality whilst glimpsing the world through my eyes. Without the anxiety though I can do things from a place of calmness.  I ran many errands today, did 13 minutes of a px90 tape(feel so weak and I even took it so slow), and am going to make BBQ oysters w wild salmon for dinner.  If the adrenaline rushes and anxiety are calm I can deal w almost everything else. 

 

Robert 2-when in a wave I feel it's me and when in a window I feel it's the benzos. 

 

"when in a wave I feel it's me and when in a window I feel it's the benzos" 

 

Wow, that's totally me too ! 

 

Siggy, by the way, thanks for your stories about Russia. That is such a coincidence, because tonight, I have just gotten back from  theatre show by a Russian playright.

 

Ok, tomorrow we are going to make an offer for a house, that seems practically just right. 

 

I was never good at haggling, even pre benzos. So, that leaves Mr Sky, who is even worse than me at it. But that's another thing about wd, he has had to be the one in charge of everything for 21 months and that is forcing him to take on roles  he normally would have avoided.

 

We officially started packing today. And I am terrified, of course. At the best of times, it would have made me panic, I am like a cat, I hate seeing my things moved in my house.

 

It's going to be a crazy month, we are visiting my mom in a couple of days and then we have to move.

 

Of course, today I am wavy, but that seems the least to me. I refrained from writing a much more panicky post earlier. I went out with my bike and that made a world of difference.

 

Hope you are all okish, speak to you soon. 

 

Wish me well !

 

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Today is my 15 month mark!

 

    Congrats Siggy !

 

You have come a long way, sorry you are feeling bad on your anniversary, but wd is that way, never  off duty !

 

Grazie Mille Sky!

 

You know what else is weird? Yesterday was 13 years my wife and I have been together. The day I stopped was on my 5th wedding anniversary last year. So this crap has nearly lined up with some other life milestones.

 

Wow, that is really weird. but in a nice way, you know ?

[[Si...]]

Congrats on finding a house Sky! Good luck to your husband with the haggling. I'm Sure he'll do well.

[[Co...]]

Hi 12-18 (and beyond) buddies.  .Wow, you just can't blink on this thread without it getting crazy busy....I just skimmed through 5 pages of posts and have now forgotten everything I read. My mind is full of gaps. 

....SKY.  great that you found a house. Moving is so difficult even if you are not in w/d. You sound like you really have a grip on it.. .even though you are terrified. You and Mr Sky will be fine with the haggling.  I don't think anyone is really good at haggling except the realtor agents. So glad you found one that is practically perfect.  I see so much i.prove mentioned in your posts. ...21 months...We have put in our time.....

......NOVA....I so get the 'slow'  post....it is the mindfulness and intentional thing ...it works every time. I think that's why endless repetitive house tasks were ...and are still such a big part of getting through this for me. Washing each tine of each fork, hand drying each plate, going step by step in preparing a place at the table for lunch, getting the dog out each morning.  Going through the morning routines in an ordered manner each day....it sounds OCD , but it is intentional and really got me through so many bad mornings . If I focused on each little thing I was doing and the 'routine' it re-focused my mind ( I had to re-focus' about every 30 seconds and keep bringing my mind back to the 47 individual steps of putting dog food in a bowl and setting it out for the dog)  It didn'take my anxiety go away, but it got me through the anxiety so many times.

  I hope your 'lousy' is easing out. I agree with your wife, your posts are sounding so even ...in spite of the 'lousy'. ..Wishing you sunbreaks and rambling....and cooking. 

.....GREEN....boy, I am with you....thank god for your post about not being able to get off the couch. I got hit yesterday and today with immovable fatigue ...exactly like you described, I couldn't get off the bed in the afternoon if there was a nine alarm fire in my building. Mine had a weakness and that scary d/r ' other world ' feel that Drew described. I truly felt like I wasn't inhabiting my body.. wierd scary. Since I have experienced this  before I didn't get panicky, but it scared me that it lasted most of the day both today and yesterday I am glad you got out to the play.  I made it out to the kitchen and the mailbox...lol....Is your fatigue letting up at all?....Do you feel like you literally can not move ?...I swear we are getting to the end of this. All of us...just like you said. ..Wishing you and me both a little energy...at least enough to get off the couch...

  ..DREW.  I hope your wave is peaking and lifting. You are so right the anxiety is intense and consuming and then it just fades into acceptance.  I have gone around and around too with the ' I am sure I should have an mri because surely the ct was not detailed enough to pick up my probable life threatening overlooked 'pancreatic cancer'.  I had a long bout of health anxiety yesterday and it finally burned out today. Some day we won't have this.  Until then we need to start 'Hypochondriacs Anonymous. . (H.A. !!)    Hope you enjoyed your dinner out....Wishing you windows...

 

..I know I missed some posts...but I am wishing some long days of guiet sx for all of us... onward.  ..coop

[[Co...]]

Just an update.  My window is definitely dimmed . Just as Green said ....the minute I think I might be almost done I get hit. Yesterday I started out with waking up to pretty intense health fears. I went out to brunch anyway as my daughter's god parents were flying back home and we wanted to see them one more time.  My daughter and new son in law had just returned from thier trip so it was the last family wedding get together .I am so glad I don't have any more children who will want weddings in the future. ...I didn't do nearly as well as I did over the two days of the actual wedding. I made it through brunch with anxiety, d/r, health fear and a panic nipping at my ankles..  really disappointing. My grandsons were a wonderful distraction. ...I am sure it is to be expected and this time last year it would have been excruciating if not impossible, but it shook up my self confidence.

  ..Today the debilitating fatigue and down right scary d/r and dissociation flattened me to my bed all afternoon...Dissociation so thick I literally could not think. No clarity what so ever.  The clarity returned this evening, but I haven't had an entire day of d/r and dissociation for quite sometime. .  After good days sx like this never fail to hit me off gaurd.  I know the good days will return.  Just venting and whining.  .. Some day all of us will be done with this.  ..Hoping tomorrow is very good day for all of us.    coop

[[Sk...]]

Just an update.  My window is definitely dimmed . Just as Green said ....the minute I think I might be almost done I get hit. Yesterday I started out with waking up to pretty intense health fears. I went out to brunch anyway as my daughter's god parents were flying back home and we wanted to see them one more time.  My daughter and new son in law had just returned from thier trip so it was the last family wedding get together .I am so glad I don't have any more children who will want weddings in the future. ...I didn't do nearly as well as I did over the two days of the actual wedding. I made it through brunch with anxiety, d/r, health fear and a panic nipping at my ankles..  really disappointing. My grandsons were a wonderful distraction. ...I am sure it is to be expected and this time last year it would have been excruciating if not impossible, but it shook up my self confidence.

  ..Today the debilitating fatigue and down right scary d/r and dissociation flattened me to my bed all afternoon...Dissociation so thick I literally could not think. No clarity what so ever.  The clarity returned this evening, but I haven't had an entire day of d/r and dissociation for quite sometime. .  After good days sx like this never fail to hit me off gaurd.  I know the good days will return.  Just venting and whining.  .. Some day all of us will be done with this.  ..Hoping tomorrow is very good day for all of us.    coop

 

Coop, you did have a nice window, though.

 

It closed, but it will open again, so don't despair. We are here to remind you that that window existed and it was  an amazing one, even just reading about it here on BB.

 

You did so much, no matter how you decide to look at it.

 

I am fairly optimistic about you, so much for that story about it being harder to heal for older buddies. 

 

I am still at home, then we are off to face the dragons... 

[[No...]]

Sky ...

 

I am a little dragon, short and stout,

I am so tiny, I can't shout.

 

Watch out for my tail,

It is soft and pale,

One misstep and I wail.

 

Tickle my ear, rub my head,

I don't breathe fire, I purr instead.

 

[[No...]]

Coop ... sounds like a pretty lousy couple of days for you ... and you got through them, again ...

 

Hope you get a good rest and Monday is quiet for you ... 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... got another good sleep ... and the lousy days are continuing for me ... head and gut pressure ... and blurry, gritty eyes ...

 

Oh well ... can't complain, too loud ...

 

Another sharp, bright morning here ... 

[[Co...]]

Sky..  thank you for that encouragement. Yes, I did have such a very nice window. I could not be more grateful for the Effortless Mind days I had over my daughter's entire wedding weekend....all the rest is just static. 

.....Hoping your dragons are all as those in Nova's song. ....go low and slow through the stress of it....thinking of you....sending you wishes for sunbreaks all the way through... coop

[[Co...]]

Nova.  Love your Dragon song....so true our dragons can be cut down to size ...on our better days....Sorry that you still have some lousy ....I am waking up to the same but the deep d/r is not here this morning.....very appreciative of that. Hope you get out for a ramble.. Wishing you long sunbreaks and some good bounce....coop

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... no ramble today ... has gotten too warm for me already ... just having an old fashioned sick day ... they have added some boatiness and the vibrations for a little variety this morning ...

 

Hope you have a quiet day ...