12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Hi Drew ... those thoughts sure get to us some times ...

 

And we always get through it ... and, I don't remember you saying that other than being benzo sick you have not had a medical problem during a client meeting ...

 

For some of us there may be a cycle there ... stress ... some intrusive thoughts ... more stress ... and then feeling very benzo sick ...

 

I know this cycle is available to me ... and I have never found a way to "break" it ... for me, just riding it out and letting the energy pass and move elsewhere seems to work every time ... this is where my "go slow" is of value for me ...

 

Trying not to feed the cycle beast ... just letting it run out of steam ... and it always does ... 

[[be...]]

Afternoon all,

 

drew, yep..they are benzo lies..don't feed them. You've been through this before and you know the drill..rinse and repeat. Hold on..this too shall pass!! I'm sure a wide open window is waiting for you..but you must first keep on swimming.

[[Si...]]

Yeah I'm feeling terrible today. I can't believe this is my life now.

[[Gr...]]

Hey Sky ... you are finally 21 ... 

 

Hope things settle down for you real soon ... be well, my friend ... 

 

Yeah ! Now, I get to go to clubs and stuff. 

 

But, I am already in the most exclusive club on earth, you don't get any cooler than this thread do you ? 

 

Sky, my thinking is so skewed today!  for a moment I thought you were out clubbing, lol!  I was thinking, damn, she had better write her success story!

I think my thinking is where yours was last week.  all the intrusive, negative stuff.

 

Oh my, as Drew says, I need to find a hole in the ground so I can stick my head in it

 

Green, I know what you mean about the thinking feeling skewed up. I used to wouldn't post here from the  fear of my brain not understanding and making sense. Sometimes I see old posts that I made and I cringe..the mind was really skewed up.

 

We just have to keep reminding ourselves..this is all temporary.

 

Hi Beulah!  I didn't recognize your new face, lol!

Yesterday was a bad thoughts day, yes.  I erased a couple of things I wrote before posting and then just got the hell off.  It passed pretty quick, though.  Today it's all physical.  I think I'm in a physical wave?  nausea, dizzy, camped out on the couch.  turned the mute button on.  way to loud.  Oh, my, just when you think "I've got this!"  never think that, lol

 

hope you're seeing some better days, esp. with the reflux

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Hello, everybody.

 

Nova, that cycle post you had, above, that's where I am.  yesterday intense surges of something, whatever it was made me paranoid, intense, wired, and weird.  fell off at 7 a.m.  slept deeply until 2 p.m.  got so nauseous from a bowl of breakfast oatmeal.  and no way I'm moving off this couch.  couldn't if I wanted to.  I get POTS, dizzy, nauseous every time I get up and have to keep coming back to it.  Yesterday I tried going out, had to come right back home.  When I got the surge, I went back out again, rode the bike a little, and walked a little.  came home, dinner, which made me nauseous for hours.

 

this sounds worse than it is because I'm telling myself it will pass, and everything is cycling wildly, and my mental, my mood, is decent (because I still believe I'm healing)

 

I'm not in despair, I'm more like WTH?  it's all cycling so fast

 

I have a ticket to miss Julie tonight, in Russian, lol, with subtitles.  If the energy doesn't roll in soon, it's not happening.

like Coop, even with all this crazy stuff, I've got the feeling that it's healing, almost like you can feel your brain rapidly changing.  I sure hope so.

 

Peace, good for you, eat plenty of pizza.

 

Sig, this is not your life.  and when you heal, you're going to have a new found appreciation for your life and health, so that your life will be richer than it was before.

 

now I have to figure out a way to get the hell off this couch. 

 

 

[[Si...]]

Hello, everybody.

 

Nova, that cycle post you had, above, that's where I am.  yesterday intense surges of something, whatever it was made me paranoid, intense, wired, and weird.  fell off at 7 a.m.  slept deeply until 2 p.m.  got so nauseous from a bowl of breakfast oatmeal.  and no way I'm moving off this couch.  couldn't if I wanted to.  I get POTS, dizzy, nauseous every time I get up and have to keep coming back to it.  Yesterday I tried going out, had to come right back home.  When I got the surge, I went back out again, rode the bike a little, and walked a little.  came home, dinner, which made me nauseous for hours.

 

this sounds worse than it is because I'm telling myself it will pass, and everything is cycling wildly, and my mental, my mood, is decent (because I still believe I'm healing)

 

I'm not in despair, I'm more like WTH?  it's all cycling so fast

 

I have a ticket to miss Julie tonight, in Russian, lol, with subtitles.  If the energy doesn't roll in soon, it's not happening.

like Coop, even with all this crazy stuff, I've got the feeling that it's healing, almost like you can feel your brain rapidly changing.  I sure hope so.

 

Peace, good for you, eat plenty of pizza.

 

Sig, this is not your life.  and when you heal, you're going to have a new found appreciation for your life and health, so that your life will be richer than it was before.

 

now I have to figure out a way to get the hell off this couch.

 

Hi green, hope you get your second wind tonight so you can make it to the movie you want to go to. My wife and two cats are all taking a nap now. This is after my wife slept about 8-½ hours last night too. Amazing to me now really. I use to be able to do that, and now it's a totally different situation for me. I feel so agitated and just coursing blood pumping through my brain. I'm really hoping to be healed soon (just like everyone else). I'll certainly have a much better appreciation for everything.

 

That's interesting that the movie is subtitled in Russian. My step-dad worked in Russia for probably nearly a decade. I made a few trips over there. Really interesting country.

[[No...]]

Hey Green ... whoa ... gotta slow things down if you can ... that's what I always need to do ... the cycling can get away from me so darn easily ... then I am toast for a while ...

 

The nausea thing is really hard ... I get messed up in a place with that sometimes and I feel like I have no where to turn ... crazy making ...

 

Hope you can get out tonight ... that could get you out of where you are for a while ... 

[[No...]]

Siggy ... how are you doing? ... still in that revving place? ...

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... how are you doing? ... still in that revving place? ...

 

Yes basically all day today. Felt pretty somewhat jacked up last night, but it's really hit me today. My window basically closed on Wednesday. Felt pretty good for about three weeks. I felt like I was coming down with a cold so I started taking more vit c and some zycam (basically a zinc lozenge). I'm not sure if this is the benzo flu or not? I haven't had hat before except maybe 2 months ago I felt the same way. Just very agitated feeling and like I can't escape the feeling in my body. I suppose this is akethesia? Usually I feel a good bit better after sleeping even a few hours. Anyone else get a pounding blood pumping through their brain? I feel like when I have the worst symptoms there's a brick or something in the front of my brain. Sorry for the rambling. I guess I should be thankful I did have a few weeks of feeling ok. I've had dry mouth for months too. Didn't have that until I got the flu in March. It doesn't matter how much water I drink. I did take the 50,000 iu Vutamin D2 I was prescribed. My level is at 25.6. It doesn't seem to make a difference in how I feel. I know it won't help right away, but was a little worried about it maybe making me feel worse. I'm outside on our patio now with our cats getting some sun.

 

How's your day going now?

[[No...]]

Siggy ... my day was sort of medium ... the head pressure stuff and the breathing ... not miserable, just lousy ...

 

Cats know how to relax and just be where they are ...

 

It does get discouraging to be back in the soup after having some good days ... they will be back ...

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... my day was sort of medium ... the head pressure stuff and the breathing ... not miserable, just lousy ...

 

Cats know how to relax and just be where they are ...

 

It does get discouraging to be back in the soup after having some good days ... they will be back ...

 

Yes hopefully soon and that it will stick. I'm having nausea too which is a new one. I think this is all wearing my wife down too. Not only do I hate how I feel, I hate what all of this has done to her too.

[[dr...]]

Ugh to all

 

Siggy-the head stuff can be debilitating.  I call it more like something I can't identify flowing through my brain. Almost like a brain freeze at times and others just tingling. Especially in the front.  Brick in front?  Yup... I also get a book on top of head or like someone is pressing down w nails and my head is a pin cushion.  Fun stuff!

 

Green-take it easy!!!  No reason to be a hero.  Now if only I could listen to that advice.

 

Nova-sounds like you're doing ok within our crap zone.  Just same stuff but not intense for you

 

 

I went to get a massage and it was tough. Couldn't sit still and twitching. Hard to breathe and really heavy DR.  When I get the DR that heavy I know it's usually peak or within spitting distance of peak wave day for me. Hope that's the case.

 

Right now drinking a caffeinated coffee on my deck under the umbrella.  Nice breeze to boot.  Have a 7pm reservation w the gal for gluten free Filipino food.  Yay

[[No...]]

Drew ... yep ... just lousy ... I did have one shake and bake day this past week ... haven't had one of those in a while ... mostly just bored with this ...

 

Hope you enjoy your dinner ...

[[No...]]

Siggy ... this stuff does wear on our families ...

 

And it must be confusing for them because you were a short term user ... hard to make any sense of that ...

[[Si...]]

Ugh to all

 

Siggy-the head stuff can be debilitating.  I call it more like something I can't identify flowing through my brain. Almost like a brain freeze at times and others just tingling. Especially in the front.  Brick in front?  Yup... I also get a book on top of head or like someone is pressing down w nails and my head is a pin cushion.  Fun stuff!

 

Green-take it easy!!!  No reason to be a hero.  Now if only I could listen to that advice.

 

Nova-sounds like you're doing ok within our crap zone.  Just same stuff but not intense for you

 

 

I went to get a massage and it was tough. Couldn't sit still and twitching. Hard to breathe and really heavy DR.  When I get the DR that heavy I know it's usually peak or within spitting distance of peak wave day for me. Hope that's the case.

 

Right now drinking a caffeinated coffee on my deck under the umbrella.  Nice breeze to boot.  Have a 7pm reservation w the gal for gluten free Filipino food.  Yay

 

Enjoy your dinner. We were originally going to go to a birthday party tonight, but I'm not feeling up to it. Also had another really good friend text me about wanting to go out to eat tonight at a restaurant nearby and I had to decline. I really hate that since I use to hang out with him all the time. I think today is one of the worst days I've had in a long time. I'm hoping that the worst the wave is the better the next window will be.

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... this stuff does wear on our families ...

 

And it must be confusing for them because you were a short term user ... hard to make any sense of that ...

 

Yeah that plus I was seemingly fully better for 5 months (5-10). The combo of heavy drinking on night and then getting the flu just really messed me up pretty bad. And I was really tempted to just skip that company sales award party where both things happened. A lot of people at the party came down with the flu too. It was such a bad strain that two people got bronchitis from it. It was a strain not covered by the flu vaccine. I'm in Atlanta and one of my coworkers knows someone that works at the CDC. They confirmed about the strain we all got. Ugh, such a terrible serious of events that put me into this hell.

[[No...]]

Siggy ... that sucks ...

 

And you are getting better, our bodies will get balanced again ...

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... that sucks ...

 

And you are getting better, our bodies will get balanced again ...

 

Yes my wife keeps telling me she sees progress. It's hard to see myself when I feel terrible so much. That plus the paranoia that I felt nearly healed at one point for a relatively long amount of time and then got screwed again. Makes me super paranoid to even get sick again.

[[No...]]

Siggy ... I have the same problem ... my wife sees the improvement ... I am usually a few weeks behind seeing it ...

[[No...]]

Siggy ... and I think it is very important for us to spend some time sitting with this awareness that we are getting better ... to acknowledge it to ourselves ... for me, it seems to lift some of this burden of being sick ...

[[je...]]

Drew, I get the painful scalp and tingly brain too... I don't even let myself go there, I know its my brain healing!

[[Si...]]

Siggy ... and I think it is very important for us to spend some time sitting with this awareness that we are getting better ... to acknowledge it to ourselves ... for me, it seems to lift some of this burden of being sick ...

 

I know my rational mind fighting with my emotional mind. It's tough for rational to win. I've been getting really hot and then cold today too. I always leaned to hot nature before this crap. Now it fluctuates all the time.i have to bring a jacket to work because I get so cold just from the A/C being on a moderate setting.

[[No...]]

Siggy ... the hot/cold stuff ... that seems to be part of this general "flu" feeling many of us experience ... not any kind of traditional flu ... benzo flu ...

[[Si...]]

Drew, I get the painful scalp and tingly brain too... I don't even let myself go there, I know its my brain healing!

 

Hi jenny, that burning tingly stuff is weird, but I consider it minor compared to the other junk. Hope your Saturday is going well.

 

My wife has been working as an extra in different movies for the last few weeks. She has a one day shoot tomorrow that's suppose to go from 1pm to 1am. Looks like I'll have to occupy myself tomorrow. Probably finish cleaning and laundry I didn't get to today. Before benzos I would have taken the opportunity to play video games. I'll be really lonely without her. It's something she really likes to do though.

[[je...]]

Siggy, that must be lots of fun for your wife 😊 do you know what the movie is called?