12-18 month support

[[je...]]

Drew, I don't know if I'm in the home stretch, but I can see that it will end one day because when my thinking clears up I can see how I am healing. I felt like I was getting worse from month 15-19, but now I can look back and see that I was healing the whole time.. Hang in there!

[[dr...]]

No going back for me. 

[[Gr...]]

Yup...yogi.

 

I hope I'm on the 18 month break as in 19 I'm in NZ getting married.  Oh my!!!

 

now that's a destination wedding!  Maybe I'll be there hiking while you get married!

[[Gr...]]

I'm struggling. It's mental. It's like an awful game my mind is playing. I know things are better and yet I have this feeling that I can't take it anymore, the suffering is constant. I am trying to be in my life, it feels required by all the players- my husband, my children, my friends, my work. I'm at a teaching conference brushing up on chemistry and physics. The saving grace is that my husband is also attending and he helps me fake it. But I'm facing the start of another school year, less than a month a way for me and my thinking is still so flawed. Slow, confused, dr, sometimes frightened. I am trying to believe this ends well, like the Bristol people say. But I'm tired and soooo tired of faking it and feeling downright stupid all the time.

 

Peace2

 

Peace, don't think about it.  don't torment  yourself further.  a month is a very long time in withdrawal.  you know that.  stuff changes in one day.  just breathe and put one foot in front of the other.  never project.  stay in the moment.  you've been through the worst of it.  it's going to be okay

[[No...]]

Peace ... we have all come a long, long way ... and we still probably do not recognize how much we have each accomplished ...

 

Yesterday I was pushing that damn rock up the hill all day ... had five hours of quiet, restful sleep and feel much better right now ... and who knows what the rest of this day brings ...

 

As Green says, I struggle each day "not to project", I try to be peacefully with whatever is present ... and I am often cranky and discouraged, and sometimes very lost ...

 

For some of us the drug captured us so completely that in many ways we just never realized how thoroughly our lives have been hijacked ...

 

And I marvel, every day, at the resilience and steadfastness of everyone here ... each of us are a blessing to ourselves, our families and our communities ... and that is often very difficult to acknowledge and to fully feel during this process ...

 

The "tornado" of the drugs has ransacked our lives ... for some of us it has torn everything we cherish and aspire to apart ... and we wake up each day perhaps wondering how we have survived this maelstrom ... and we have survived ... and in the aftermath of this storm many of us are still stumbling around, confused at what the hell happened ... often anxious and depressed and overwhelmed ...

 

And with gentle love and compassion we are rebuilding our lives, coming, over and over again, into the present moment of right here, right now ...

 

As some of our companions on this journey have said ... we are healing ... day by day ... we know there is a light at the end of this tunnel ... so we keep going, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time ...

 

Be well, my precious friend ... you are cherished and loved ... we hold each other's hand while we travel this path of healing ... until the day, with a blessing, a smile, and a tear, we can let go and wave good bye ... nobody gets left behind ... 

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... had a good restful sleep ... got woken up by a bonk of thunder and lightening ... and sat there listening to the heavens open up with rain for a while ...

 

Much more pleasant that being woken by benzo storm ... 

 

Off to the market in a while ... seems I do not have to push that rock up the hill again right now ...

 

Have a good Friday everyone ... yesterday is in the books ... let's see how today goes ... 

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Hey Nova, I agree..much better to be woken up by the heavens..than the storms inside us.

 

Have a good trip at the market..watch out for that silly rabbit.🐰

 

Sunny and dry here for about a minute.

Slept good last night but awoke to the dreaded muscle and nerve pain.

Got the burning belly going on...but I know this too..shall pass.

 

Just another day in paradise. 

[[Sk...]]

Hey Sky ... you are finally 21 ... 

 

Hope things settle down for you real soon ... be well, my friend ... 

 

Yeah ! Now, I get to go to clubs and stuff. 

 

But, I am already in the most exclusive club on earth, you don't get any cooler than this thread do you ? 

[[Sk...]]

Yep, I definitely feel the healing on this thread. A lot of you have been with me on this journey since my 5 month mark, that's a long time for us to be holding each others hand. I treasure every single one of you 💕

 

[[Sk...]]

Wow sky... I missed your post earlier. I got emotional reading it but that's not saying much since I cry at the drop of a hat   Seriously, you are doing great.  Throwing away all those drugs.  That's a huge step. 

 

Peace and sky-I know you both had head stuff but I thought I might be the only one whose brain literally hurt with stimulation. Sorry you get this also. 

 

I'm exhausted.  Having some weird sensations that come along with the aura.  Having an organic gluten free pizza w anchovies.  It's actually a good pizza.  Against the grain bakery in Vermont. All others I tried sucked. 

 

Proud of everyone on our thread. 

 

Drew, do you remember that Simpson episode in which Homer says " Marge, help, my brain hurts ? " Don't remember what was the trigger, though.

 

I have been  thinking of that line all through wd.  Your profile pic helps in that sense ! 

[[...]]

Hi Green ... yep, crankiness ... didn't even go out today ... this head pressure and breathing stuff ... makes for a lousy day ...

 

Oh well ... tomorrow is Friday ... 

 

Nova, no head pressure for me.  (I hesitate, afraid now it will come!)  but that breathy feeling, like I'm slightly out of breath, and feeling a little intense, wired, but no energy and disorganized.  It feels like a very mild version of my old waves.  I forced myself to focus and try to accomplish something.  That used to work.  The heat has kept me from walking.  Hope to get back into a routine. 

 

Maybe we're feeling cooped up?  Have we lost our groove, lol? 

 

How did that paint job end up?  Hoping for a better day tomorrow.  I seem to be saying that a lot?

;

 

 

Green, this is a perfect description of me today with some head pressure. My muscles are tightening so much i have some numbness in my arms and hands.

 

Yes, I am calmer for now. I have learnt never to believe how am am right now will last, and that applies to good and bad.

 

I also have questioned the small dose of vallium I was on and how I have been hit numerous times. Apparently, it doesn't matter. It's more the fact I took it for nearly 2 years and you are right, I must be very sensitive. I was thinking about this last night and can think of instances where I have reacted badly to meds. One antibiotic made my face swell so much I was unrecognizable. Strange as I have no other allergies or sensitivities.

 

I have no updates today as Bristol don't work Fridays. I will post things when I think it will be helpful. A lot of the stuff is repetative, as you all know we are sort of stuck in a loop in this where we get reassurance, then we forget and so on.

 

I do remember someone, actually two people saying to me that benzos bind to fat cells and when we have sx it is the body throwing more of the drug out of us and the body then trying to adjust to this. I don't know how true this is. I suppose the only sure thing is every day is a day closer to healing  We will all get there in the end 

[[dr...]]

good morning all...

 

Marj-I have no updates today as Bristol don't work Fridays..  this is no excuse...I expect you to call their home phones

 

Nova-you sound good.

 

Hope everyone else is okay...I had a tough night...not so much benzo just a bad tummy from pizza...hope I don't have a problem with dairy now as I only have cheese very rarely.  Not a conscious decision just the way it is.  Better now and at work.  Another day we face together .

 

[[be...]]

Hey Sky ... you are finally 21 ... 

 

Hope things settle down for you real soon ... be well, my friend ... 

 

Yeah ! Now, I get to go to clubs and stuff. 

 

But, I am already in the most exclusive club on earth, you don't get any cooler than this thread do you ? 

 

 

Hey Sky, Congrats on 21 months.

 

Yeah, we are a pretty cool club, I would say one of the coolest around.

 

Take care of your cool self today.

[[...]]

Sky!!!!!

 

21 months  That is a huge mountain you have climbed and you will soon be down on solid ground again. So proud of you and you are doing this with such grace 

 

OK Drew, I'm just boarding a train to Bristol 

[[be...]]

good morning all...

 

Marj-I have no updates today as Bristol don't work Fridays..  this is no excuse...I expect you to call their home phones

 

Nova-you sound good.

 

Hope everyone else is okay...I had a tough night...not so much benzo just a bad tummy from pizza...hope I don't have a problem with dairy now as I only have cheese very rarely.  Not a conscious decision just the way it is.  Better now and at work.  Another day we face together .

 

Glad you feel better drew. Today is pizza Friday, you must have have had a little confusion going on.

 

[[je...]]

Beulah, sorry you woke up to the nerve pain and burning belly-- no fun! I've had many days like that myself.. I hate the nerve pain, I can't wait till that sx is gone.. I asked my husband last night to massage my arms for me because they were burning, and I couldn't feel them-- can be so painful still. I hope you feel better, Jenny 💕

[[No...]]

Drew ... pizza is for Friday ... she who must be obeyed insists on Pizza Friday ... I see it is the same in Ohio ...

 

Got to the market and back ... home about an hour and the contraction head and sinus stuff started up ... oh well, got a few hours away from it ...

 

The pizza will help a little later ... always does ... 

[[No...]]

Marj ... this is a seven day a week thread ... your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to Bristol-ize us seven days a week ... 

 

If there is no one home when you call, feel free to make something up to soothe the masses ... I seem to be repeating myself a lot these days, don't hesitate to follow my handsome example ... 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... sorry you woke up in the soup ... and as you said, this one will pass, just like all the others ...

 

Sent the rabbit to Ohio ... he got fired from our market ... ate too many carrots ...

 

Hope your day levels out for you ... 

[[dr...]]

yup...my morning yucks on coming on cue...when they hit it's almost always around 9-10am and lasts about an hour or so and thenslowly fades.  I get in by 7:30 and really try to knock out all my important stuff for the day.  My brain just seems to shift, trouble breathing, HR picks up along with anxiety and fear....not too bad yet and I this is part of the process.  I just really wonder what is going on that it hits the same time.  Rhetorical question. 

[[Co...]]

I'm struggling. It's mental. It's like an awful game my mind is playing. I know things are better and yet I have this feeling that I can't take it anymore, the suffering is constant. I am trying to be in my life, it feels required by all the players- my husband, my children, my friends, my work. I'm at a teaching conference brushing up on chemistry and physics. The saving grace is that my husband is also attending and he helps me fake it. But I'm facing the start of another school year, less than a month a way for me and my thinking is still so flawed. Slow, confused, dr, sometimes frightened. I am trying to believe this ends well, like the Bristol people say. But I'm tired and soooo tired of faking it and feeling downright stupid all the time.

 

Peace2.....

......

 

......Hi MightyGirl.....I felt exactly as you describe in month 18/19.....it is temporary....Peace it will fade out. I am just about at month 21 (July 3) and that feeling of total mental, physical and emotional fatigue and slowness is almost gone. I still get bouts of it , but it only lasts a few hours.. I think Green is right... this far out so much healing can happen in a month. Rest when you can ( faking it and slogging through the mental slowness takes huge effort)..  ..I think your school year is going to be a completely different story this year.

.......You are so close .....at month 19 I felt like I was in acute again.  month 20 has had so much healing that I am feeling not healed, but about 80% functional and on most days living with the few lingering sx manageable.....You are almost there Peace....  coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-this is most encouraging news.  Seriously...you being another who is hit with health anxiety you are my shining hope   How is the health anxiety?  I woke up with a bad tummy and sweating and thought heart attack   I rationally knew it but my mind kept thinking it.  I didn't even have any chest pain or heart palps   I know it is the benzo thoughts and I can't wait until they lighten.

[[Co...]]

Morning all,

 

Hey Nova, I agree..much better to be woken up by the heavens..than the storms inside us.

 

Have a good trip at the market..watch out for that silly rabbit.🐰

 

Sunny and dry here for about a minute.

Slept good last night but awoke to the dreaded muscle and nerve pain.

Got the burning belly going on...but I know this too..shall pass.

 

Just another day in paradise. 

 

....Beulah....sorry you are floating in the soup today....I hope your day opens up to big sunbreaks today. ...Sounds like a mashed potato lunch....I am thinking of you...Wishing you an ice cream day.....coop

[[Co...]]

Peace ... we have all come a long, long way ... and we still probably do not recognize how much we have each accomplished ...

 

Yesterday I was pushing that damn rock up the hill all day ... had five hours of quiet, restful sleep and feel much better right now ... and who knows what the rest of this day brings ...

 

As Green says, I struggle each day "not to project", I try to be peacefully with whatever is present ... and I am often cranky and discouraged, and sometimes very lost ...

 

For some of us the drug captured us so completely that in many ways we just never realized how thoroughly our lives have been hijacked ...

 

And I marvel, every day, at the resilience and steadfastness of everyone here ... each of us are a blessing to ourselves, our families and our communities ... and that is often very difficult to acknowledge and to fully feel during this process ...

 

The "tornado" of the drugs has ransacked our lives ... for some of us it has torn everything we cherish and aspire to apart ... and we wake up each day perhaps wondering how we have survived this maelstrom ... and we have survived ... and in the aftermath of this storm many of us are still stumbling around, confused at what the hell happened ... often anxious and depressed and overwhelmed ...

 

And with gentle love and compassion we are rebuilding our lives, coming, over and over again, into the present moment of right here, right now ...

 

As some of our companions on this journey have said ... we are healing ... day by day ... we know there is a light at the end of this tunnel ... so we keep going, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time ...

 

Be well, my precious friend ... you are cherished and loved ... we hold each other's hand while we travel this path of healing ... until the day, with a blessing, a smile, and a tear, we can let go and wave good bye ... nobody gets left behind ... 

 

......Nova....I love your heart....this is so beautifully said. I hope when this is all said and done for you you find the path and opportunities to do that real life reach out to others in your community who are in the chaos of w/d. You are such a healing presence, your community would be so blessed by who you are. ....coop

[[Co...]]

How you doing jenny?

 

 

 

Drew, I'm doing pretty good. Still have the physical crap, but my mind feels clear, and my thoughts are calm, and positive. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know this is all gonna end, for all of us. How are you doing?

 

.....Jenny....you sound so so good. I am so happy for you. ...What a long hard way we have come ....and as you say, we can now see the light at the end of this ....enjoy.....coop