12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Green ... yep ... when does the train get into the station so we can get off? ... tired of riding the rails ...

 

I had a pretty lousy day today, woke up intense and stayed that way all day ... still churning away ...

 

Last week I painted two bedrooms and two hallways ... got cranky enough that I just did it over three days ... had been staring at the paint cans for three years ... enough was enough ...

 

This should all fall away soon for us ... or I want my money back ... 

[[No...]]

Hey Drew ... congrats on turning 15 ... keep sledding, my friend ... we are getting there ... 

[[Gr...]]

Green..  lol.....I am so far away from flying along the highway with the music blasting and my hair blowing...My hair is Buddhist monk short and I am still hanging onot my chest strap with both hands....and I don't trust anybody's driving except my ex husband's .... but I am at least getting in the car and getting dizzy and nauseous and begging to travel at exactly 30 mph...  my son won't let me in his car....just as well, he drives his car like he drives the fire truck.  I have to talk to Mother Mary every day about his safety.

      I am sorry your fatigue is still hanging on. As always, we mirror each other's sx.... that pattern is back for me too. Just lethargic and unfocused in the mornings. My anxiety used to drive me .....I had the dishes done, the floors mopped, the bed made, the bathroom cleaned and the dog out x2 by 830 in the morning lol.....because as someone mentioned I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. Was it HH who said she just wanted to unzip her skin and run screaming down the street?.. .Now, I wash 2 dishes and get distracted by 4 other things and find myself just sitting.. .practically drooling off into space. But like you, it lifts after a few hours and I can putter around again at a better pace. .....Onward we go sista.  ....coop

 

Coop, even with you clutching your chest strap and stepping on the imaginary brake pedal on the passenger side, I'm still hearing Born to be Wild, lol  You go, girl!

 

Yes, the lack of focus, energy, the fatigue and body stiffness is quite intense.  You said it best, lethargic and unfocused.  And I've got on and off boaty and nausea back.  It's so reassuring to hear other people complaining about the same stuff.  Even this far out, a bad day can be discouraging.  But much better later in the day, yes.

 

okay, sista, I'm bored with this phase of withdrawal.  When do we get there?

 

Just want to leave a quick P.S. for those still suffering intense symptoms.  I was reading my own post and realized how fortunate I am to be bored with withdrawal, waiting for what's left to go away.  That means healing is absolutely happening.  Marj's Mr. Singleton is right, the vast majority of people start feeling better at 18-24, start knowing with certainty that they're going to heal, it's just a matter of time.  So while I'm not there yet, I can feel it happening.  And I was very, very bad, wasn't sure I would get better.  Coop is doing things, Sky went to a museum.  I got on a plane, went on vacation.  People are getting better. 

I just wanted to say that, because I noticed we have a few new people here, people who aren't at the 18 month place yet, people who are still suffering intensely.  At 18 months I was a hot mess.  At 18.5, things started, very slowly, to get better.  Believe what you read.  Healing is happening.

[[No...]]

Coop ... I still won't get in a car that goes more than 50 kph (30 mph) ... still too much information coming in at times ... if the driver doesn't get it, I walk or take a cab ...

 

Hope your barium cocktail scan comes up good ... 

[[Gr...]]

Green ... yep ... when does the train get into the station so we can get off? ... tired of riding the rails ...

 

I had a pretty lousy day today, woke up intense and stayed that way all day ... still churning away ...

 

Last week I painted two bedrooms and two hallways ... got cranky enough that I just did it over three days ... had been staring at the paint cans for three years ... enough was enough ...

 

This should all fall away soon for us ... or I want my money back ... 

 

Nova, I think this is going to turn for you.  I'm going through the same thing, feeling intense, actually a little weird   I'm good at being weird now!

 

I'm totally impressed you got that job done.  Good for you.  She who must be obeyed is pleased?

 

I think it's going to fall away, we won't need a refund.

 

I'm so glad I didn't take the energy supplement I was thinking about.  I just knew thee would be a crazy shift.

 

What ball player said it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings?  Yogi?

[[No...]]

Green ... I know this will end in a while ... for all of us eventually ... we just need to stay the course ... 

[[Gr...]]

http://www.pozefloriplantegradina.com/uploads/1/3/3/4/13340905/2929009_orig.jpg

 

HAPPY 21ST ANNIVERSARY, SKY!!

[[Co...]]

For all our buddies here on the thread who are not yet at month 18.....every single thing that Green said. I was also in one of my worst waves in month 19....Month 20.5 it shifted mentally.... I was certain of healing and could feel it underneath even challenging sx. Even with ongoing reflux and health fear the doubt of healing was fading. I was more capable on most days of handling sx ...but still had bad days.

......I have every confidence that we are all going to heal. ...It is exactly like Nova said..  "It is what it is until it isnt"  We can only do the best we can with each day on its own as it presents itself .....

.......This thread kept me going through a three month wave from month 16-19....Keep coming to the forum for support...

........Marj..  thank you so very much for sharing your direct phone support from the people who wrote the books on this.  So very generous....and very appreciated.....coop

 

[[dr...]]

Yup...yogi.

 

I hope I'm on the 18 month break as in 19 I'm in NZ getting married.  Oh my!!!

[[Co...]]

Green ... yep ... when does the train get into the station so we can get off? ... tired of riding the rails ...

 

I had a pretty lousy day today, woke up intense and stayed that way all day ... still churning away ...

 

Last week I painted two bedrooms and two hallways ... got cranky enough that I just did it over three days ... had been staring at the paint cans for three years ... enough was enough ...

 

This should all fall away soon for us ... or I want my money back ... 

 

.....Nova....sorry your day was lousy.  Seems like all of us 20-24 month peeps are still getting the cycling sx....but as you say, much more manageable. For me the bad days are getting easier because the goid days are becoming more frequent. I have stopped wondering " will this ever end....I think this is permanent".  that feeling of dark doubt is mostly gone.

.....We could easily be traveling mates..  would take us forever to get anywhere, but the company would be peaceful

......Nova. hope your evening is peaceful and your tomorrow is sunnier... coop

[[Co...]]

Sky....yep.....Congratulations on getting up and doing this every single day for 21 months.  You should be so very proud.

....Wishing you a restful night....coop

[[No...]]

Hey Sky ... you are finally 21 ... 

 

Hope things settle down for you real soon ... be well, my friend ... 

[[dr...]]

Nice sky!  We jumped exactly six months apart.  Congrats

[[No...]]

Coop ... if there is no rush, why rush? ... I don't think I was made to go 100 kph ... others may enjoy speed, and that is okay ... I do not ...

 

I so enjoy walking ... and if time is a little short, or the distance a little long that is why the goddess invented buses ...

 

Got my new winter boots today from LL Bean ... my tootsies will be comfy this coming winter ... which I intend to enjoy ...

 

Have a good evening ... 

 

 

[[No...]]

Hi ... if anyone gets the chance ...the movie "Miss Potter" is quietly lovely and charming ... watched the dvd last night ...

 

The story of the life of Beatrix Potter ... 

[[Si...]]

Drew I'm only behind you by a few days. I should be hitting my 15 soon!

 

[[pe...]]

 

Yesterday, I turned 21, so we have a day of difference ! 

 

Yesterday evening, I went to visit a museum, something I had not done in 21 months.

 

It was nice but after a while, I started getting DR, very  strong DR. And also brain pain, but I understand that, it was mental stimulation of a kind and that was way too much excitment for my brain.

 

Then, I had trouble falling asleep and my thoughts were awful. I tried to guide my thoughts to calm, but it was hard. I tried telling myself that these were not real thoughts of mine, that in the morning, I would not have them, but still, then and there, it was hard.

 

Two evenings ago, mr Sky and I  cleared up my medication drawer. We took all the medications that  I had bought over the last 5 years for all the illnesses that benzos brought along, we put them in a bag and threw them away.

 

Mr Sky was very upset, just the memory of that insanity, of how bad my health was, made him mad all over again.

 

But it was an important moment, it brought some closure. Earlier, we couldn't even bring ourselves to look at that drawer without feeling sick.

 

Baby steps for humanity but huge steps for a small sky like me. 

 

I am  going to bed now, here it's 5 past 12 am.

 

Have a nice evening everyone and heal on. 

 

Congratulations on 21 months, Sky!

Your post really resonates with me - reentry, returning to a stimulating place for the first time and the accompanying dr and brain pain, trouble falling asleep with awful thoughts and trying to rationalize that they won't be there in the morning. Cleaning out the medication drawer, all of it is so familiar. It is my life too and knowing I'm not the only one is reassuring. Your huge steps are huge and I appreciate you putting it all here. I hope you sleep well.

 

Peace2

[[dr...]]

Wow sky... I missed your post earlier. I got emotional reading it but that's not saying much since I cry at the drop of a hat   Seriously, you are doing great.  Throwing away all those drugs.  That's a huge step. 

 

Peace and sky-I know you both had head stuff but I thought I might be the only one whose brain literally hurt with stimulation. Sorry you get this also. 

 

I'm exhausted.  Having some weird sensations that come along with the aura.  Having an organic gluten free pizza w anchovies.  It's actually a good pizza.  Against the grain bakery in Vermont. All others I tried sucked. 

 

Proud of everyone on our thread. 

[[je...]]

Yep, I definitely feel the healing on this thread. A lot of you have been with me on this journey since my 5 month mark, that's a long time for us to be holding each others hand. I treasure every single one of you 💕

 

 

[[dr...]]

How you doing jenny?

[[pe...]]

I'm struggling. It's mental. It's like an awful game my mind is playing. I know things are better and yet I have this feeling that I can't take it anymore, the suffering is constant. I am trying to be in my life, it feels required by all the players- my husband, my children, my friends, my work. I'm at a teaching conference brushing up on chemistry and physics. The saving grace is that my husband is also attending and he helps me fake it. But I'm facing the start of another school year, less than a month a way for me and my thinking is still so flawed. Slow, confused, dr, sometimes frightened. I am trying to believe this ends well, like the Bristol people say. But I'm tired and soooo tired of faking it and feeling downright stupid all the time.

 

Peace2

[[dr...]]

Peace...I'm right there with you in most things.  Sorry

[[je...]]

How you doing jenny?

 

 

 

Drew, I'm doing pretty good. Still have the physical crap, but my mind feels clear, and my thoughts are calm, and positive. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know this is all gonna end, for all of us. How are you doing?

[[je...]]

Peace,

Your in a wave, so everything feels overwhelming and harder. Keep doing what your doing, it will pass. You have made huge strides and come so far, just keep going 👍 I think when you start school this year your really gonna realize just how much better you really are. Big hugs 😘 Jenny

 

[[dr...]]

That's really good that you're in the homestretch.  I posted my fifteen month update. Mind is clearer but ability to handle stress feels worse. Brain feels painful now.  Maybe I'm just not remembering how bad it was.  Onward we go.