12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Hello, everyone. 

 

What a lot of great posts today!  Some suffering, but lots of strength and support for each other.

 

I am channeling Nova's irritability and crankiness.  Don't know what's going on.  Finding it hard to focus, maybe it's the heat.  Just kinda blah, feeling like a benzo blob, lol.  not my worst day by far.  This gets tedious, doesn't it.

 

I see Coop riding in the car with the wind blowing her hair back.  Hope she's having a wonderful day.

[[No...]]

Hi Green ... yep, crankiness ... didn't even go out today ... this head pressure and breathing stuff ... makes for a lousy day ...

 

Oh well ... tomorrow is Friday ... 

[[Fi...]]

Green--if it's a comfort, the emotional rollercoaster nature of what we can presume is your final healing sounds a lot like mine.  When you first get your mind back, it's such a thrill and it's so huge, it really seems you should declare yourself healed.  But then the physical symptoms don't want to give it up.  Which is a pisser, because--hey--you were well, right? So then you go downhill mentally just out of pure weariness that this still isn't over.  And it's just appalling how quickly you can go back to feeling it's hopeless.  Which of course it isn't, but it's the nature of the beast to feel that it is.

 

Nothing to do but ride the rollercoaster until it smooths out!  You're almost there. 

[[Si...]]

Siggy,

My sleep tonight was horrible too, tossing and turning all night and I could not just lay there as you said.. It's like I just wanted to crawl out of my skin..

 

Jenny, Sig, that's exactly it, wanting to crawl out of my skin.  I don't get it every night, but it's miserable.

 

Sig, that's my major issue, getting up, getting ready and out the door in the morning!  That's what I'm waiting for to resolve.  Then I would say this is success, and let the rest resolve over time.  But that's a big issue!

The lack of sleep is getting you down.  Don't worry, you'll go back to a sleeping pattern.  Insomnia hits us all.

 

Thanks green. I'd say the insomnia is about 80% of my main issue now. I have other symptoms but they are pretty manageable. They flair up worse of course when I haven't had any sleep. The depression would 100% go away if it weren't for the insomnia. So some symptoms are based on others.

[[dr...]]

fg-I was joking on the fail comment...everyday is a success I get through this.  At this point I am much easier on my self.

 

I really haven't seen a difference one way or the other on coffee and alcohol occasionally. I have found no pattern except what my current brain percieves something as a stressful situation.  That is the only direct connection I have make with symptoms besides getting sick(migraine or flu).  When I spoke to her I was in a misery wave that was the worst in several months and we get that desperation.  I use common sense...I don't really drink alcohol much at all...mayber a 1/2-1 glass once or 2x a week and coffee a bit here and there throughout the day.  If I am anxious or jittery I abstain.  This process will do what it will do until we heal.

[[Se...]]

Hi, lovely folks.  Today, benzo dragon-lady (BDL) reared her ugly head.  Quarrel with daughter ended up with daughter smashing my Venus bust atop my bookshelf (it's ok; nobody was hurt... ok, well, we both cried a lot & I wondered if the neighbors would call 911, but they didn't. )  I am so tired of all of this bloody drama.  It's getting beyond annoying now.  I don't like when it hurts my family so.  It's bad enough I'm wrecked, but when my family gets directly involved (as they often must, because I can't remain a recluse in my bedroom forever), I curse the benzo demons doubly.  I hope my family can survive this intact.

 

Had to take son to his follow-up hospital app't today in orthopedics & physio.  He "blew out" his knee about a month ago and might eventually need ACL surgery.  Until then, it's physio and the ordering of a $2.0K knee brace for his athletics.  I was very anxious in the hospital (I've never done hospitals well, but I really get the creeps in them now) and began to question the surgeon about the surgery.  I might have lost my temper a bit, due to my immense distrust of doctors now, but I wanted firm answers and not all this medical bull and posturing.  Also, I was looking for more than three minutes of her time, considering we were discussing my son going under the knife.  She recoiled and became defensive.  I held my ground because I won't buy into bowing before doctors.  I really can't stand their arrogance.  Their attitudes have to change; it's beyond ridiculous how doctors are trained, and they never see the whole patient.  I couldn't wait to get out of there.  So much sickness.  I nearly barfed when I passed the pharmacy.  Ugh.  I feel like I'm still coming apart at the seams daily no matter what I do or where I go.

 

It only takes the slightest stimulus... negative or positive... to upset my apple cart.

 

Be well & onward healing!

[[63...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I had a little respite yesterday evening. Got home and thoroughly cleaned the interior of my car to get rid of the puke smell from when my poor niece threw up. I um-med and ah-ed all day about whether or not to have it valeted and in the end I decided to save myself £25 and just do it. I did a good job and felt good(ish). Along comes the morning ugh, here we go again, pain, fatigue and blah. Things have been so, so much worse.

 

I rung BTP to have a repeat conversation about some topic regarding WD. Today it was pain. I spoke with Ian Singleton, who is a lovely man. He said that ‘most’ people in his experience, himself being one of them and the people they help, start to recover around 18 – 24 month period and that it is usually pretty crappy in the time before that. Of course everyone is different and there will be lucky ones who it is a quicker healing time. One thing he is 100% confident in is that we get better and everything we are going through is WD. One thing about pain I found interesting was he said if you have any weaknesses, WD will find it and exacerbate it, however , again it will get better. All the muscles etc. are tight because our brain needs to relearn  how to let them be normal without the drug.  I then started to feel paranoid thoughts creeping in that I have asked the same questions again and again and ring all the time, so sort of apologized (like we do). Straight away he said, ‘’no don’t, everyone else is the same, WD affects everything, physically and mentally so you need constant reassurance.  You are anxious so you need constant reassurance, its ok, keep calling’’.

 

Elle – FG is right, you’re thinking is not normal at the moment. I don’t want you to get freaked out that you will be like you are for the next year. I was exactly the same at your stage where I thought, no way can I do this for however long, I want it gone now! I still do. But you cope somehow, sometimes not and you behave like a crazy person. Then it passes and you may get a little break and it renews your faith that you will get better. Everything you are going through is because of the drugs. It is NOT permanent.

 

I am NO expert, I am just like all of you, finding my way through the most traumatic, daunting time. I am blessed to have these rescourses and I wish you all did. If what I can pass on helps, then all well and good

 

marj, Thanks so much for sharing your BTP conversations with us....they are precious! I echo everyone else on the west side of the pond's sentiments about the need for this sort of resource everywhere.

 

 

**Drew, congrats on 15 months off....a huge accomplishment my freind!**

 

 

Very good posts today. i'm trying to channel my "inner Nova" and just trying to accept and be with all of my symptoms today...its hard!

[[dr...]]

I would like to request an effortless mind day...anyone with me?

 

Just surviving form task to task sucks and I don't even consider this a bad wave

[[je...]]

Marj-- as the others have said thank you so much for sharing your news, its so true that we can never have enough reassurance!

Drew-- congrats on month 15! I have had 1 cup of coffee a day throughout this whole experience and its never bothered me, but I was thinking about weaning off of it just to see if it would help or not .... Well I cut a small amount of my coffee about 2 months ago and haven't finished my "taper" I just don't think I'm ready to give it up-- I love my morning coffee. I do notice though if I'm having a wave of anxiety, it sends my anxiety even higher.

Tab-- yes, I got a big bout of anxiety in month 15-18 it was very intense-- all gone for now..

[[Se...]]

I would like to request an effortless mind day...anyone with me?

 

Just surviving form task to task sucks and I don't even consider this a bad wave

 

I'm with you, drew; unfortunately, it seems the effortless-mind-day gods are on vacation at present... in my ring of the circus, at least. 

 

I don't know why I thought the second year would begin to get any easier.  Ah, well.  It's only a bunch of numbers on a calendar.  Survival, yes.  It's certainly ALL about that. 

[[je...]]

Serenity, I can't stand dr's or hospital's either it triggers me big time. I hope everything works out well for your son, I know how stressful that whole thing can be. 💕 jenny

[[Sk...]]

Hello, everyone. 

 

What a lot of great posts today!  Some suffering, but lots of strength and support for each other.

 

I am channeling Nova's irritability and crankiness.  Don't know what's going on.  Finding it hard to focus, maybe it's the heat.  Just kinda blah, feeling like a benzo blob, lol.  not my worst day by far.  This gets tedious, doesn't it.

 

I see Coop riding in the car with the wind blowing her hair back.  Hope she's having a wonderful day.

[[Co...]]

Hey Ya All, I feel like I know each of you, I always keep up with your thread to check your progress. I hope you do not mind me jumping on here for a quick question. I respect your opinion and value your expertise.

 

I am 16 months CT from ambien, It's been a rough ride, at least 30 plus WD sxs, but this far out new intense sxs are popping up. Last month for 3 weeks I had intense joint pain in my fingers, wrists, and feet and I could not use my left hand for 3 weeks, now that resolved.

But now for the past 6 weeks, I have had intense heartburn, brutal......is it possible to develop this intensity of sxs after 16 months? Is this heartburn related to WD? I had minor heartburn during acute, but this degree of heartburn is always present 24/7, maybe a little worse after meals or when i lay down, but it never goes away. I prefer to stay away from all meds.

 

Thanks ya all, any response would be appreciated.

 

Always, cindy

 

......Cindys....The exact same thing happened for me at about month 19. It began with odd ( and new) kind of shortness of breath with cough and hoarseness. It scared me to death.  3 trips to my doctor's office, 2 ekgs, an appointment with a pulmonologist,  lab tests and a misdiagnosed of kidney infection and 2 unnecessary antibiotics ( my ua culture grew absolutely no bugs) ; I finally ( after 5 weeks of everyone going down the wrong path) got a somewhat clear dx from oncoligist's,practice ( I don't have cancer but did have stage 0 breast cancer 4 years ago and have yearly checks). ....I was advised to take Gaviscon which I did...it helped and then made things worse when I quit it. ..8 weeks later I am scheduled to see a gastrointinterologist next week for a barium swallow test and ct to r/o hiatal hernia. .  This has been the worst physical sx of the entire taper/w/d.  26 months total. There is a really good thread on the support boards for stomach issues....The Stomach Healing Place..  Benniejets posts on it alot and she is really knowledgeable. .. On our thread , Beulah, Peace, Elle and I think Jenny and Nova have all gone through it at some point. Peace and I both developed it after the 18 month .

....IMO.  I recommend always checking out new sx this late out . But that is just my opinion. Some do better avoiding doctor's visits... some do better and find reassurance in getting things evaluated. I do better having things evaluated as I believe people in w/d can and do develop physical conditions that are not always w/d in origin.

.....This is a miserable sx..  I looked up GERD diets on Pintrest and got good advice from Beulah .  .and followed up with my doctor for labs and referrals. ...I am blending 2 meals a day and eating one semi soft meal.. The cough and intense health fear about it are much better, the pain is still there, but getting less with the dietary changes.  I won't be totally assured until I know that it is not a hernia, gallbladder ( not really acting like gallbladder), liver or pancreatic issue. It is probably none of those things but I am not a doctor so I don't know.  It is most likely w/d, but at 20 months out it is just iffy enough that I want to be sure....Please do not consult Dr. Google....you will increase your anxiety and misery. 

....I hope this clears up for you sooner rather than later....you have my sympathies .....Wishing you relief from this.  pm me any time. ...coop

[[Sk...]]

Hi, lovely folks.  Today, benzo dragon-lady (BDL) reared her ugly head.  Quarrel with daughter ended up with daughter smashing my Venus bust atop my bookshelf (it's ok; nobody was hurt... ok, well, we both cried a lot & I wondered if the neighbors would call 911, but they didn't. )  I am so tired of all of this bloody drama.  It's getting beyond annoying now.  I don't like when it hurts my family so.  It's bad enough I'm wrecked, but when my family gets directly involved (as they often must, because I can't remain a recluse in my bedroom forever), I curse the benzo demons doubly.  I hope my family can survive this intact.

 

Had to take son to his follow-up hospital app't today in orthopedics & physio.  He "blew out" his knee about a month ago and might eventually need ACL surgery.  Until then, it's physio and the ordering of a $2.0K knee brace for his athletics.  I was very anxious in the hospital (I've never done hospitals well, but I really get the creeps in them now) and began to question the surgeon about the surgery.  I might have lost my temper a bit, due to my immense distrust of doctors now, but I wanted firm answers and not all this medical bull and posturing.  Also, I was looking for more than three minutes of her time, considering we were discussing my son going under the knife.  She recoiled and became defensive.  I held my ground because I won't buy into bowing before doctors.  I really can't stand their arrogance.  Their attitudes have to change; it's beyond ridiculous how doctors are trained, and they never see the whole patient.  I couldn't wait to get out of there.  So much sickness.  I nearly barfed when I passed the pharmacy.  Ugh.  I feel like I'm still coming apart at the seams daily no matter what I do or where I go.

 

It only takes the slightest stimulus... negative or positive... to upset my apple cart.

 

Be well & onward healing!

 

A lot going on here tonight , but I wanted to you, Serenity, that you did what you had to do. He's your son, you have the right to get  information and be a little tense about it. He is not getting a new pair of shoes, it's a leg.

 

And reentry, is also dealing with life.

 

Do baby yourself for the rest of the day,  because that may have been too much excitement and your body might overeact over it.

 

You totally did the right thing.

 

Drew, Happy 15 months out.

 

Yesterday, I turned 21, so we have a day of difference ! 

 

Yesterday evening, I went to visit a museum, something I had not done in 21 months.

 

It was nice but after a while, I started getting DR, very  strong DR. And also brain pain, but I understand that, it was mental stimulation of a kind and that was way too much excitment for my brain.

 

Then, I had trouble falling asleep and my thoughts were awful. I tried to guide my thoughts to calm, but it was hard. I tried telling myself that these were not real thoughts of mine, that in the morning, I would not have them, but still, then and there, it was hard.

 

Two evenings ago, mr Sky and I  cleared up my medication drawer. We took all the medications that  I had bought over the last 5 years for all the illnesses that benzos brought along, we put them in a bag and threw them away.

 

Mr Sky was very upset, just the memory of that insanity, of how bad my health was, made him mad all over again.

 

But it was an important moment, it brought some closure. Earlier, we couldn't even bring ourselves to look at that drawer without feeling sick.

 

Baby steps for humanity but huge steps for a small sky like me. 

 

I am  going to bed now, here it's 5 past 12 am.

 

Have a nice evening everyone and heal on. 

 

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I had a little respite yesterday evening. Got home and thoroughly cleaned the interior of my car to get rid of the puke smell from when my poor niece threw up. I um-med and ah-ed all day about whether or not to have it valeted and in the end I decided to save myself £25 and just do it. I did a good job and felt good(ish). Along comes the morning ugh, here we go again, pain, fatigue and blah. Things have been so, so much worse.

 

I rung BTP to have a repeat conversation about some topic regarding WD. Today it was pain. I spoke with Ian Singleton, who is a lovely man. He said that ‘most’ people in his experience, himself being one of them and the people they help, start to recover around 18 – 24 month period and that it is usually pretty crappy in the time before that. Of course everyone is different and there will be lucky ones who it is a quicker healing time. One thing he is 100% confident in is that we get better and everything we are going through is WD. One thing about pain I found interesting was he said if you have any weaknesses, WD will find it and exacerbate it, however , again it will get better. All the muscles etc. are tight because our brain needs to relearn  how to let them be normal without the drug.  I then started to feel paranoid thoughts creeping in that I have asked the same questions again and again and ring all the time, so sort of apologized (like we do). Straight away he said, ‘’no don’t, everyone else is the same, WD affects everything, physically and mentally so you need constant reassurance.  You are anxious so you need constant reassurance, its ok, keep calling’’.

 

Elle – FG is right, you’re thinking is not normal at the moment. I don’t want you to get freaked out that you will be like you are for the next year. I was exactly the same at your stage where I thought, no way can I do this for however long, I want it gone now! I still do. But you cope somehow, sometimes not and you behave like a crazy person. Then it passes and you may get a little break and it renews your faith that you will get better. Everything you are going through is because of the drugs. It is NOT permanent.

 

I am NO expert, I am just like all of you, finding my way through the most traumatic, daunting time. I am blessed to have these rescourses and I wish you all did. If what I can pass on helps, then all well and good

 

Marj, thank you again for this post.  It was beautifully written and so reassuring.  And you are calmer, I think.  I remember when people here first started telling me I 'sounded' better.  People here could tell before I even noticed!  Healing is happening for you.  I can hear it.

Also, I took a look at your signature.  You sure did get hit hard for low dose, relatively short term use.  You are  very, very sensitive, must always be careful with medication.  as must we all

[[Co...]]

Sky and Nova....I have missed your posts , but I just wanted you both to know I am thinking of you.....Nova.  you just be as crabby as you need to be....this is a more than irritating process....a constant burr under the saddle . Your words are su h a comfort and source of the voice of reason.

.....I love that in spite of a messed up archaic system ..  like a brick wall, that you are inspired and willing to offer yourself and your experience ....and beautiful wisdom to your community ....boy, I wish you lived in my city..

......Sky, I am so sorry that you are having the revolving door sx and increased anxiety....you said it so beautifully,...it is not the weight of our burden but how we choose to carry it. You carry this with so much grace and compassion I am so truly touched that I have gotten to know you through this thread. . 

....I am wishing you a string of effortless mind days. ...coop

[[Gr...]]

Hi Green ... yep, crankiness ... didn't even go out today ... this head pressure and breathing stuff ... makes for a lousy day ...

 

Oh well ... tomorrow is Friday ... 

 

Nova, no head pressure for me.  (I hesitate, afraid now it will come!)  but that breathy feeling, like I'm slightly out of breath, and feeling a little intense, wired, but no energy and disorganized. 

It feels like a very mild version of my old waves.  I forced myself to focus and try to accomplish something.  That used to work.  The heat has kept me from walking.  Hope to get back into a routine. 

 

Maybe we're feeling cooped up?  Have we lost our groove, lol? 

 

How did that paint job end up?  Hoping for a better day tomorrow.  I seem to be saying that a lot?

[[Gr...]]

Green--if it's a comfort, the emotional rollercoaster nature of what we can presume is your final healing sounds a lot like mine.  When you first get your mind back, it's such a thrill and it's so huge, it really seems you should declare yourself healed.  But then the physical symptoms don't want to give it up.  Which is a pisser, because--hey--you were well, right? So then you go downhill mentally just out of pure weariness that this still isn't over.  And it's just appalling how quickly you can go back to feeling it's hopeless.  Which of course it isn't, but it's the nature of the beast to feel that it is.

 

Nothing to do but ride the rollercoaster until it smooths out!  You're almost there. 

[/quote

 

FJ, thank you so much for that!  That's about where I am.  Yes, getting the mental back was such a gift I almost feel guilty fretting over the physical that's left. But there's a lot left!  Thank you.

[[Gr...]]

Siggy,

My sleep tonight was horrible too, tossing and turning all night and I could not just lay there as you said.. It's like I just wanted to crawl out of my skin..

 

Jenny, Sig, that's exactly it, wanting to crawl out of my skin.  I don't get it every night, but it's miserable.

 

Sig, that's my major issue, getting up, getting ready and out the door in the morning!  That's what I'm waiting for to resolve.  Then I would say this is success, and let the rest resolve over time.  But that's a big issue!

The lack of sleep is getting you down.  Don't worry, you'll go back to a sleeping pattern.  Insomnia hits us all.

 

Thanks green. I'd say the insomnia is about 80% of my main issue now. I have other symptoms but they are pretty manageable. They flair up worse of course when I haven't had any sleep. The depression would 100% go away if it weren't for the insomnia. So some symptoms are based on others.

 

Sig, I wonder about that myself, wonder if how crappy I'm feeling is due primarily to lack of sleep.  I think there's def that cause and effect, lack of sleep causes us to feel crappy.  but there's also a lot going on when we're not sleeping, I think the brain is working very hard to right itself.  Be patient, it will come back.  I went from hardly any sleep to sleeping constantly!  and then insomnia.  now I have no idea what's going on.  but the on-off nature of the insomnia let's us know we're healing, and that sleep will come back. 

very hard to have to get up in the morning and work on multimillion $$ accounts.  I tip my cap to you.  I can barely function in the a.m. 

don't worry.  you've gotten this far.  you're almost there.

[[Co...]]

Green..  lol.....I am so far away from flying along the highway with the music blasting and my hair blowing...My hair is Buddhist monk short and I am still hanging onot my chest strap with both hands....and I don't trust anybody's driving except my ex husband's .... but I am at least getting in the car and getting dizzy and nauseous and begging to travel at exactly 30 mph...  my son won't let me in his car....just as well, he drives his car like he drives the fire truck.  I have to talk to Mother Mary every day about his safety.

      I am sorry your fatigue is still hanging on. As always, we mirror each other's sx.... that pattern is back for me too. Just lethargic and unfocused in the mornings. My anxiety used to drive me .....I had the dishes done, the floors mopped, the bed made, the bathroom cleaned and the dog out x2 by 830 in the morning lol.....because as someone mentioned I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. Was it HH who said she just wanted to unzip her skin and run screaming down the street?.. .Now, I wash 2 dishes and get distracted by 4 other things and find myself just sitting.. .practically drooling off into space. But like you, it lifts after a few hours and I can putter around again at a better pace. .....Onward we go sista.  ....coop

[[Gr...]]

fg-I was joking on the fail comment...everyday is a success I get through this.  At this point I am much easier on my self.

 

I really haven't seen a difference one way or the other on coffee and alcohol occasionally. I have found no pattern except what my current brain percieves something as a stressful situation.  That is the only direct connection I have make with symptoms besides getting sick(migraine or flu).  When I spoke to her I was in a misery wave that was the worst in several months and we get that desperation.  I use common sense...I don't really drink alcohol much at all...mayber a 1/2-1 glass once or 2x a week and coffee a bit here and there throughout the day.  If I am anxious or jittery I abstain.  This process will do what it will do until we heal.

 

Drew, I adore Baylissa, but I don't do everything she says.  This experience has taught me to listen to my own voice, which I believe knows what's good for me.  You know instinctively what you can and can't do.  use common sense and listen to your own voice.  I instinctively know alcohol is going to be a problem for me.  But FJ and Lostdog had a glass of wine a day all through withdrawal, and it was fine for them.

It would be painful for me to give up morning coffee, I love it so much, my morning joe is literally the best part of my day.  some people can't do coffee.  so it's all individual

[[Co...]]

Drew....I am so glad to hear that your migraines are not immediately following on the visual aura....I think I am going to follow your lead and try a little tryptophan ....I am going to sleep without problems, but waking up sometimes at 330/4am and can't go back to sleep. ...

......I am also drinking a little coffee ( with alot of whipped milk.  I have the best milk frother)  yes, I know....even with the reflux I just can't give it up completely... it's the only food pleasure I have left and I will be damned if I am going to hand it over to benzo. I only have it in the morning.  Armed with my barely there latte the dog and I go out to meet the morning.  Some days in the past 3 months that has been the one and only good part of the day..  not so much in the last 2 or so weeks ...more good than bad... knock on wood. 

      Drew, I read your posts every day to teach me steadfastness through this.  Every time you get up and keep going in the midst of some of the most challenging and persistent sx..  You are going to heal 100% and then some.  I want you to heal tomorrow, but I hope you never leave this thread until all of us are done....I need to keep reading your posts.    coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah.....you were do so right....eating actually helps my gut pain. The best advice I have had about the reflux.. .don't get too hungry.  I am slowly getting the hang of it thanks to you posting your eating schedule to me. It seems too counter intuitive to eat when your stomach hurts...but it works everytime. Also, taking your lead, I have graduated some times from mashed potatoes to baked potatoes...

....How are you?  .I know I read a post of yours a few pages back, but I can't remember.  It's been a busy thread the past few days.  ...thinking of you..  coop

[[Gr...]]

Green..  lol.....I am so far away from flying along the highway with the music blasting and my hair blowing...My hair is Buddhist monk short and I am still hanging onot my chest strap with both hands....and I don't trust anybody's driving except my ex husband's .... but I am at least getting in the car and getting dizzy and nauseous and begging to travel at exactly 30 mph...  my son won't let me in his car....just as well, he drives his car like he drives the fire truck.  I have to talk to Mother Mary every day about his safety.

      I am sorry your fatigue is still hanging on. As always, we mirror each other's sx.... that pattern is back for me too. Just lethargic and unfocused in the mornings. My anxiety used to drive me .....I had the dishes done, the floors mopped, the bed made, the bathroom cleaned and the dog out x2 by 830 in the morning lol.....because as someone mentioned I just wanted to crawl out of my skin. Was it HH who said she just wanted to unzip her skin and run screaming down the street?.. .Now, I wash 2 dishes and get distracted by 4 other things and find myself just sitting.. .practically drooling off into space. But like you, it lifts after a few hours and I can putter around again at a better pace. .....Onward we go sista.  ....coop

 

Coop, even with you clutching your chest strap and stepping on the imaginary brake pedal on the passenger side, I'm still hearing Born to be Wild, lol  You go, girl!

 

Yes, the lack of focus, energy, the fatigue and body stiffness is quite intense.  You said it best, lethargic and unfocused.  And I've got on and off boaty and nausea back.  It's so reassuring to hear other people complaining about the same stuff.  Even this far out, a bad day can be discouraging.  But much better later in the day, yes.

 

okay, sista, I'm bored with this phase of withdrawal.  When do we get there?

 

 

 

[[dr...]]

Sorry to laugh..but coop the mental picture of you as a Buddhist monk hanging on for dear life made me bust out laughing. Thank you!! 

 

I'm reflecting on 15 months and I have no idea how I made it this far.  It's a long time and it is ground hog day which has been said here many times.  I'm in the area many of us have seen significant healing and I really hope this doesn't go on another 15.  I've been at this 41 months w taper.  If it does it does but I'm allowed a little hope with this survive my day in blocks shit.