12-18 month support

[[...]]

Elle....welcome to the thread...you are more than welcome here. You will find unfailing support and encouragement here.

...How are you doing?  How is the belly pain? .  Was your scope negative of any problems ?...I hope so.

  ..6 months was a very challenging time for me. I refer to it as acute 2.  It didn't last long ( about a month I think) and things returned to more of a typical w/d pattern of waves/sunbreaks and windows . ....I hope you are feeling better.  coop

 

 

Thank you Coop for this sweet post.  I've been following this thread and pray you all heal quickly.  It's frightening to think I still have so long of healing to go, but its also comforting to see you have all endured and are still alive.

 

My scope was extremely difficult.  I actually am unable to talk about it for now, but I know you are experiencing stomach pains too so I will just say that they found nothing wrong.  They then admitted me to the hospital because the doctor was certain that something must be wrong with my pancreas (my mom died from pancreatic cancer) so this was not good for me mentally.  As you can imagine, I was a complete wreck and refused all meds, (they wanted to pump me full of anything and everything).  I couldn't even sit still in my room.  They did a CT and again, nothing was wrong..  This extreme doubled over pain and nothing is wrong.. wow.  it has to be BW..  I hope that gives you some peace of mind.  You are a wonderful kind lady and I am so thrilled you were able to enjoy the wedding.  How beautiful for you.  Thank you for allowing me to post here and follow all of your progress.  You are a very loving group. 

 

 

Hi Elle,

 

You are so welcome here. I'm sorry, I must have missed your earlier post. Stick here no matter what stage you are at. Just because some are still having a difficult time, it does not mean you will not heal sooner. I am 15 months and 3 weeks and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I know I am not alone with this feeling. I too found myself in this position after not coping with sudden deaths in my family and given pills to deal with grief. We just trust doctors at the time, never again.

 

I hope your tummy pain eases for you and glad you have had tests to prove there is nothing wrong. It will be withdrawal as it appears to be a common symptom. I know Coop has this and some others, however I have not had pain in my abdomen just the bloating. i do get pain in other areas though. If you have any questions, just ask or if you want to have a moan and let off steam, just go for it. There will always be someone to listen. This is a lovely group of supportive people so you will not feel alone. This is a very lonely journey and you will make it to the end

 

Marj, the tears I have from reading this message..  thank you..  I am so very alone and thank you for your kindness right now.  Im trying my best to hold on, the burning, migraines, paralyzed fear/panic etc is too much for me day after day with no let up.  I pray we all heal quickly.  all my love, elle

[[No...]]

Elle ... how is the second year different from acute? ... for me, it certainly has not got easier ... rather my experience shifted from "survival" to accepting that whatever is happening is healing ...

 

I believe no matter where one is during this process it is not "easy" ...

 

Perhaps the most interesting phenomenon during the second year is gradually recognizing one is getting better ... sometimes I get a good solid sense of light at the end of the tunnel ... also, clarity and hope gradually return ...  for those who experience a rather longer healing process we seem to accept going slow, getting through the days, and giving and receiving assurance and support ...

 

Two things for me ... it is what it is until it isn't ... and for those who are steadfast, nobody gets left behind ...

 

Everyone can heal ... for some it may just take an unspecified while ...

 

[[...]]

Elle-- so sorry you have found yourself suffering along with everyone else in this very difficult journey toward healing.  I'm glad your scope showed nothing wrong.  Yours is the kind of story that makes me need to say again that I think the best part of the BB board is hearing that everyone is having all these crazy symptoms.  They're about Benzo Withdrawal and that's pretty much it.

 

Many people seem to find comfort in being reassured through extensive medical tests that nothing is wrong, but so often the tests themselves, as you pointed out, are horrible.  It just seems to me it adds to the stress levels.  It's bad enough if money is no concern.

 

I've been reading the boards closely since last November, and of all the people who went to the doctor for tests, I can't think of any where anything useful was discovered. Nobody was ever actually having a heart attack.  Nobody's guts hurt because a cancerous tumor was found.  It was actually quite freeing for me when I accepted that any weird thing going on with me was probably related to withdrawal.  I saw it as good news, because we all recover from withdrawal! I always told myself that any weird symptom that remained after everything was gone I would then pursue.  Now I'm healed and there's nothing to pursue!

 

Since  you may have a while to go in this and new symptoms may crop up--I had brand new ones at 17 months--I hope you can feel reassured by the stories of others having gone to the doctors and had the tests and nothing was ever found. 

 

Of course, being in withdrawal doesn't mean we can't develop other problems, (I had an antibiotics-requiring respiratory infection and I also broke my ankle) but to the extent that your symptoms follow the timeline of withdrawal, just waiting everything out may be the cheapest and less stressful path to take.

 

Comparing notes with everybody here will be a source of great solace for you, I'm sure.

 

Thank you FJ for responding.  I am so appreciative of everyones kindness.  More than you all can imagine.

[[No...]]

Hi Siggy ... it may feel like your progress gets yanked away from you ... and that can be discouraging ...

 

The progress we make sometimes gets lost to us when things keep cycling off and on ... and I believe we do not lose our progress, perhaps we only lose connection with it for a while ...

 

Your good sleep always returns ... it will again ... 

[[No...]]

Sky ... you are having a hard time ... and you will get through this stretch with your usual grace and humour ...

 

Stress is always a pain in the bum, as well as other places ...

 

Yes, we are sick, and yes, we are getting better ... 

[[je...]]

Elle ... how is the second year different from acute? ... for me, it certainly has not got easier ... rather my experience shifted from "survival" to accepting that whatever is happening is healing ...

 

I believe no matter where one is during this process it is not "easy" ...

 

Perhaps the most interesting phenomenon during the second year is gradually recognizing one is getting better ... sometimes I get a good solid sense of light at the end of the tunnel ... also, clarity and hope gradually return ...  for those who experience a rather longer healing process we seem to accept going slow, getting through the days, and giving and receiving assurance and support ...

 

Two things for me ... it is what it is until it isn't ... and for those who are steadfast, nobody gets left behind ...

 

Everyone can heal ... for some it may just take an unspecified while ...

 

 

 

 

 

This has been my experience as well, Nova described it perfectly 👍

[[je...]]

Siggy, no I didn't get much sleep at all-- been awake since 3am... You are getting better though, your sleep has improved and it will continue to do so 😊

 

[[Si...]]

Hi Siggy ... it may feel like your progress gets yanked away from you ... and that can be discouraging ...

 

The progress we make sometimes gets lost to us when things keep cycling off and on ... and I believe we do not lose our progress, perhaps we only lose connection with it for a while ...

 

Your good sleep always returns ... it will again ... 

 

Thanks, I really really hope so. This is dragging on for so long. It's really tough to deal with everything one has to in life when not sleeping, especially work. Just crushing. I can deal with a lot of different things, but not sleeping is the worst for me.

 

[[Si...]]

Siggy, no I didn't get much sleep at all-- been awake since 3am... You are getting better though, your sleep has improved and it will continue to do so 😊

 

Sorry you didn't sleep well.

 

I know it will get better, it's just hard to deal with while I'm in it. Especially since I have no idea how long it will last. I've been marking hours slept on the calendar and it's at least helped to visualize.

[[TA...]]

Hello buddies,

May I ask you a question? I'm 15 months off psycho meds. You are further than me. Did you get this terrible anxiety in second year. Before psycho meds I was very calm person. Never had a such anxiety. Now it's like I want to get off my skin or scream. Afraid that I will be like this forever, these drugs demaged my brain. I'm reading this tread every day since 4 months but maybe brain fog is so heavy and I don't remember any posts about anxiety or maybe I need reassurence from someone it won't last forever.

best wishes

[[Fi...]]

Elle--everyone's story is so different.  Of course we all look for patterns, but it's impossible to know how long healing will take for someone else or which symptoms they will encounter.  The terrific news for you is that if you had a beautiful life before, I'm confident you'll have a beautiful life again.  The suffering you're going through now is about the chemicals in your brain and the damage done by these drugs, nothing more.  It's criminal this happened to you, and hopefully we can all get the word out so that this doesn't happen to people in the future.  In the meantime, you have no choice but to live through this as best you can, keeping the faith that you will come out on the other side.

 

Tab114-this applies to you, too.  If you didn't have anxiety before, then the symptoms you have now are just the effects of the drugs.  Since it affects your brain and your thought processes, it's really tough, because you're trying to think it through with a compromised brain that has trouble thinking straight.  So give yourself a break and try not to overthink it.  Marj's short message from the support folks was spot on, I thought, in pointing out the futility of over-analysing all this day to day.

 

It's funny--I always suspected other people might be following this thread.  Glad to have you step forward!

 

Love, FJ

[[No...]]

Tab ... it won't last forever ... and anxiety seems to go with the territory of healing ... a pretty common response to the stress we experience during this process ...

 

And I know the wanting to crawl out of my skin feeling ... sometimes gets pretty weird and disconcerting ...

 

I am coming to see that healing is permanent ... and ... the process of getting there is not ... the process of healing can feel chaotic and endless, seems that will become a memory ... the healing we will cherish for the rest of our days ...

 

[[TA...]]

FJ63 and Nova,

Thank you for your kind response. 

[[Sk...]]

Hello buddies,

May I ask you a question? I'm 15 months off psycho meds. You are further than me. Did you get this terrible anxiety in second year. Before psycho meds I was very calm person. Never had a such anxiety. Now it's like I want to get off my skin or scream. Afraid that I will be like this forever, these drugs demaged my brain. I'm reading this tread every day since 4 months but maybe brain fog is so heavy and I don't remember any posts about anxiety or maybe I need reassurence from someone it won't last forever.

best wishes

 

Tab, I am having it as we speak. It's so strong, it's painful to my stomach and heart and it's entirely chemical, it has nothing to do with what I am thinking or doing.

 

I drink chamomile throughout the day and take magnesium, very little, before meals.

 

This will not go on forever, you will get a break and you will see you are a better  version of yourself now. Please trust us on this. 

[[Sk...]]

Elle....welcome to the thread...you are more than welcome here. You will find unfailing support and encouragement here.

...How are you doing?  How is the belly pain? .  Was your scope negative of any problems ?...I hope so.

  ..6 months was a very challenging time for me. I refer to it as acute 2.  It didn't last long ( about a month I think) and things returned to more of a typical w/d pattern of waves/sunbreaks and windows . ....I hope you are feeling better.  coop

 

 

Thank you Coop for this sweet post.  I've been following this thread and pray you all heal quickly.  It's frightening to think I still have so long of healing to go, but its also comforting to see you have all endured and are still alive.

 

My scope was extremely difficult.  I actually am unable to talk about it for now, but I know you are experiencing stomach pains too so I will just say that they found nothing wrong.  They then admitted me to the hospital because the doctor was certain that something must be wrong with my pancreas (my mom died from pancreatic cancer) so this was not good for me mentally.  As you can imagine, I was a complete wreck and refused all meds, (they wanted to pump me full of anything and everything).  I couldn't even sit still in my room.  They did a CT and again, nothing was wrong..  This extreme doubled over pain and nothing is wrong.. wow.  it has to be BW..  I hope that gives you some peace of mind.  You are a wonderful kind lady and I am so thrilled you were able to enjoy the wedding.  How beautiful for you.  Thank you for allowing me to post here and follow all of your progress.  You are a very loving group. 

 

elle,

 

I'm glad that the the doctors found nothing wrong! However, I am so very sorry that your are in so much pain. It is not suprising that its likley what you are experiencing is w/d.

 

I just wanted to chime in to say not to so disturbed by the fact that many of us here who are in our second year are still experiencing symptoms. Please try not to be discouraged. It is true that we are, but I have to say, we are all in very much better places than when we were 6 months out like you...it does get better, i assure you. Yes, we all seemed to have made it to this point, and you will too....please just hang in there anyway you can, Cope well!

 

Robert, thank you for your encouragement.  especially when you are in a wave yourself.  May I ask you and this group... can you describe how it gets better in the 2nd year? do the waves get lighter? or how?  I read about each of the waves you all have and it saddens me that everyone is still suffering.  I know there are probably many new BB's that follow this thread so can you describe how it gets easier to give us all some hope. I have been so damaged by doctors (cant bring myself to tell my story yet) but I've been bedridden for over 2 years and see no end in sight to keep holding on.  I had such a blessed life of happiness before all this and I cannot see any light at the end of my tunnel. 

 

I hope your wave passes soon robert.

 

Elle, we are all different. For instance, I have never had windows like the ones described on the thread.

 

But I am better, much better. The waves are worse, harder because we are this far out, though.

 

But, personally, I am slightly more intelligent, I can do things that in year one, were impossible. When I am better, I am much better.

 

You also develope a sense of what is happening in your body, a new sense of connection that, combined with the coping tools we now have makes you a little stronger ...

 

We are less lost, we are less terrified, except if the wave is really bad.

 

But all this, need not apply to you at all.

 

It's not the load you carry  in wd, it's how you choose to carry it.

 

And here, more than ever, a little help from your friends gets you through the day. 

[[...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I had a little respite yesterday evening. Got home and thoroughly cleaned the interior of my car to get rid of the puke smell from when my poor niece threw up. I um-med and ah-ed all day about whether or not to have it valeted and in the end I decided to save myself £25 and just do it. I did a good job and felt good(ish). Along comes the morning ugh, here we go again, pain, fatigue and blah. Things have been so, so much worse.

 

I rung BTP to have a repeat conversation about some topic regarding WD. Today it was pain. I spoke with Ian Singleton, who is a lovely man. He said that ‘most’ people in his experience, himself being one of them and the people they help, start to recover around 18 – 24 month period and that it is usually pretty crappy in the time before that. Of course everyone is different and there will be lucky ones who it is a quicker healing time. One thing he is 100% confident in is that we get better and everything we are going through is WD. One thing about pain I found interesting was he said if you have any weaknesses, WD will find it and exacerbate it, however , again it will get better. All the muscles etc. are tight because our brain needs to relearn  how to let them be normal without the drug.  I then started to feel paranoid thoughts creeping in that I have asked the same questions again and again and ring all the time, so sort of apologized (like we do). Straight away he said, ‘’no don’t, everyone else is the same, WD affects everything, physically and mentally so you need constant reassurance.  You are anxious so you need constant reassurance, its ok, keep calling’’.

 

Elle – FG is right, you’re thinking is not normal at the moment. I don’t want you to get freaked out that you will be like you are for the next year. I was exactly the same at your stage where I thought, no way can I do this for however long, I want it gone now! I still do. But you cope somehow, sometimes not and you behave like a crazy person. Then it passes and you may get a little break and it renews your faith that you will get better. Everything you are going through is because of the drugs. It is NOT permanent.

 

I am NO expert, I am just like all of you, finding my way through the most traumatic, daunting time. I am blessed to have these rescourses and I wish you all did. If what I can pass on helps, then all well and good

 

[[dr...]]

tab-yes anxiety is a big one for me.  Have racing heart at work this am.  I just go with it as best I can.  I even had bad anxiety/panic(that's what I went on the drugs for) but I know for a fact it won't be this bad.  I have and get windows of complete calm.

 

Elle-you get the migraines too?  Ugh...I get many visual auras that scare the heck out of me even though they are harmless...very uncomfortable.

 

Marj-please keep providing your daily insights...they are miraculous to read

 

On migraines and sleep-I started tryptophan very slowly 3 weeks ago.  It can take as long as 8 weeks to work but my sleep has been improving slowly.  I slept the last two nights through from 11-6 with just one bathroom break each night.  That hasn't happend in forever.  In addition, while I did get the visual aura yesterday it was only 15 minutes and the migraine effects seem so much less in intensity right now.  It is still early so I am withholding final judgement but I am optimistic.  I have had no side effects that I noticed.  again, it takes a while to get working.  Not suggesting anyone take it but it may be of help to people.  If you want more info PM me.     

[[TA...]]

Sky and Drew28,

Thanks for your answers  about anxiety. So sorry you have it. It so chemical, it's like devil possessed my mind.

Marj,

many thanks for providing information from Bristol TP. Please keep continue if you can. I was wondering if they speak with people from outside UK. I'm in Poland but I'm afraid to talk in english, sometimes I have problems with my native language.

Big hugs buddies

 

[[dr...]]

BTW-I am 15 months today

 

I am also failing on giving up coffee

[[Fi...]]

Drew-I've been drinking coffee all along.  Just 2-3 cups in the morning and never any past noon.  That's been my rule since before benzos.  I guess it was Baylessa who scolded you about this?  And said not to drink wine?  I know she's considered the saint of benzo withdrawal and I found her book a huge comfort, but when she's giving advice to people, I'm sure it's quite easy to pick out stuff like coffee drinking and tell you not to do it.  I mean, you're asking her for advice, she hears your case and this is something she can tell you to change.  I doubt it means it will necessarily make any difference!  You have to get THROUGH this, and if coffee in the morning helps, surely it's not the worst crutch in the world.  So many studies saying that over all coffee and one drink a day is beneficial.  That's what I'm going on.

[[Fi...]]

PS Drew--plus, I hate to see you lay the word "fail" on yourself!

[[Gr...]]

Hey Ya All, I feel like I know each of you, I always keep up with your thread to check your progress. I hope you do not mind me jumping on here for a quick question. I respect your opinion and value your expertise.

 

I am 16 months CT from ambien, It's been a rough ride, at least 30 plus WD sxs, but this far out new intense sxs are popping up. Last month for 3 weeks I had intense joint pain in my fingers, wrists, and feet and I could not use my left hand for 3 weeks, now that resolved.

But now for the past 6 weeks, I have had intense heartburn, brutal......is it possible to develop this intensity of sxs after 16 months? Is this heartburn related to WD? I had minor heartburn during acute, but this degree of heartburn is always present 24/7, maybe a little worse after meals or when i lay down, but it never goes away. I prefer to stay away from all meds.

 

Thanks ya all, any response would be appreciated.

 

Always, cindy

 

Cindy,

 

I get the joint pain, and I know a woman who CTd from Ambien who suffered with terrible joint pain at 16-17 months.  Sadly, it's normal.  And the heartburn is common around here.  Coop had it bad.  She's doing so much better now.  I take nexium OTC.  I'll discontinue it when WD is over.

 

Stop by whenever, we're here.

[[Gr...]]

Siggy,

My sleep tonight was horrible too, tossing and turning all night and I could not just lay there as you said.. It's like I just wanted to crawl out of my skin..

 

Jenny, Sig, that's exactly it, wanting to crawl out of my skin.  I don't get it every night, but it's miserable.

 

Sig, that's my major issue, getting up, getting ready and out the door in the morning!  That's what I'm waiting for to resolve.  Then I would say this is success, and let the rest resolve over time.  But that's a big issue!

The lack of sleep is getting you down.  Don't worry, you'll go back to a sleeping pattern.  Insomnia hits us all.

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I had a little respite yesterday evening. Got home and thoroughly cleaned the interior of my car to get rid of the puke smell from when my poor niece threw up. I um-med and ah-ed all day about whether or not to have it valeted and in the end I decided to save myself £25 and just do it. I did a good job and felt good(ish). Along comes the morning ugh, here we go again, pain, fatigue and blah. Things have been so, so much worse.

 

I rung BTP to have a repeat conversation about some topic regarding WD. Today it was pain. I spoke with Ian Singleton, who is a lovely man. He said that ‘most’ people in his experience, himself being one of them and the people they help, start to recover around 18 – 24 month period and that it is usually pretty crappy in the time before that. Of course everyone is different and there will be lucky ones who it is a quicker healing time. One thing he is 100% confident in is that we get better and everything we are going through is WD. One thing about pain I found interesting was he said if you have any weaknesses, WD will find it and exacerbate it, however , again it will get better. All the muscles etc. are tight because our brain needs to relearn  how to let them be normal without the drug.  I then started to feel paranoid thoughts creeping in that I have asked the same questions again and again and ring all the time, so sort of apologized (like we do). Straight away he said, ‘’no don’t, everyone else is the same, WD affects everything, physically and mentally so you need constant reassurance.  You are anxious so you need constant reassurance, its ok, keep calling’’.

 

Elle – FG is right, you’re thinking is not normal at the moment. I don’t want you to get freaked out that you will be like you are for the next year. I was exactly the same at your stage where I thought, no way can I do this for however long, I want it gone now! I still do. But you cope somehow, sometimes not and you behave like a crazy person. Then it passes and you may get a little break and it renews your faith that you will get better. Everything you are going through is because of the drugs. It is NOT permanent.

 

I am NO expert, I am just like all of you, finding my way through the most traumatic, daunting time. I am blessed to have these rescourses and I wish you all did. If what I can pass on helps, then all well and good

 

Marj, Drew said it, bring this stuff home to us!  this is so, so reassuring.  Even this far out, knowing I'm getting better, bad days are so bleak, they throw my into despair. 

 

And the tight muscle explanation is right on.  I remember in acute my muscles felt like they were hyperflexing.  I was afraid something was going to snap!  It was the muscles reacting to the loss of the drug.  I still get muscle pain, but it's getting better.

[[Gr...]]

BTW-I am 15 months today

 

I am also failing on giving up coffee

 

Drew, I don't think one cup of leaded in the a.m. is going to hurt.  We need our few little comforts!

 

[move]HAPPY 15TH ANNIVERSARY![/move]