12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Morning all,

 

A hot and humid day here..in the 90's.

Granddaughter is coming over to swim but I'm going to stay inside in the air..papa will be her play date today.

We are going later in the day for some ice cream to celebrate my two years off today.

 

I can honestly say without a doubt " I'm going to make it and I'm gonna be ok".

 

Have the best day you can.

 

 

That's great news Beulah, enjoy your ice-cream. What a wonderful feeling to know you are going to be ok on your 2 year mark. I am so pleased for you, enjoy the a/c   BTW the weather here is rubbish 

 

I had my lunchtime chat with Bristol TP who noted I was calmer today and I am, everything is there but less intense and my brain/mood is very blah – all WD. I’ve spoken to a lady there who herself is recovered and she said that 2 years is very common in healing time, give or take. In that time we can be in and out of symptoms and to understand that this is how is goes for the majority and eventually it all fades away ALWAYS. There is nothing we have done that brings on these symptoms or make them worse apart from stress and to avoid stress as much as you can (impossible sometimes). She said the best way to deal with it is to know this and not to analyse why one day you are reasonable and the next a mess;  It is just the way healing takes place, like a bouncing ball that will eventually settle. I said it must be hard listening to us whine, cry and freak and was told it isn’t as we all get better. I know I am lucky to have this support, they do speak to people all over the world though, and they get better too. 

 

Thank you, Marj!  So reassuring.  I've had so many good days, but a bad day can still rock my world.  I'm so fortunate, therapy by proxy

[[Gr...]]

Good afternoon from Wisconsin, where we are enjoying some beautiful summertime weather...long may it last!

 

Well, I've been in wave, on and off since last friday...the last two days have been intense. Very strong mental symptoms; terror/anxiety, agitation. Just awful stuff, very much like being in acute. So I'm just reaching to you all to vent a little. I have come so very far, like all of you here, but I'm tired! I'm so tired of this. I know that I am feeling this way because I'm stuck in a wave and can't see out of it right now. I mean, last month for me was really good, to the point where I was really feelling like withdrawal was finally coming to an end....but no, apparently it's not. If I sit back and take stock of how far I've come, I can readily see very encouraging improvement. But, It is just this feeling like in the movie "Ground Hog Day" where I keep reliving the same thing over and over, every day.

 

Anyhow, there it is, there is my rant. I'm sorry to be negative, but I just had to get this off of my chest. I'm going to go have a cup of tea and go sit on the patio, before I have to go out and run errands. Take good care my friends, i am thinking of you all.

 

***Beulah....happpy 2 year anniverasary! A huge accomplishment!!!***

 

Robert,  I had awful mental symptoms, and they've faded, truly.  Your time will come.  hang in there .  I know it's so discouraging when you're going through it, but I swear this has gotten so much better, maybe around 18.5. 

[[Se...]]

Yes... thank you, marj, for updating us on your chats with the lovely people @ BTP!  This greatly helps us all, I think!  It certainly provides me with much hope, so I greatly appreciate you posting them.

 

Serenity 

[[je...]]

Well today hasn't been a great day. Anxiety and depression have come back, I'm so afraid I won't sleep again tonight. I didn't sleep Monday night, so I did last night. Woke up really groggy and confused. My eyes have been twitching all day too. 

 

 

Siggy,

Hope you get some sleep tonight, I know the anxiety and depression are just awful.. My right eye has recently started twitching too, not painful but very annoying. Feel better, jenny

[[Si...]]

Well today hasn't been a great day. Anxiety and depression have come back, I'm so afraid I won't sleep again tonight. I didn't sleep Monday night, so I did last night. Woke up really groggy and confused. My eyes have been twitching all day too. 

 

 

Siggy,

Hope you get some sleep tonight, I know the anxiety and depression are just awful.. My right eye has recently started twitching too, not painful but very annoying. Feel better, jenny

 

Thanks Jenny! I'll take my contacts out soon and switch to my glasses. Maybe it'll help with the eye twitching.

[[63...]]

Good afternoon from Wisconsin, where we are enjoying some beautiful summertime weather...long may it last!

 

Well, I've been in wave, on and off since last friday...the last two days have been intense. Very strong mental symptoms; terror/anxiety, agitation. Just awful stuff, very much like being in acute. So I'm just reaching to you all to vent a little. I have come so very far, like all of you here, but I'm tired! I'm so tired of this. I know that I am feeling this way because I'm stuck in a wave and can't see out of it right now. I mean, last month for me was really good, to the point where I was really feelling like withdrawal was finally coming to an end....but no, apparently it's not. If I sit back and take stock of how far I've come, I can readily see very encouraging improvement. But, It is just this feeling like in the movie "Ground Hog Day" where I keep reliving the same thing over and over, every day.

 

Anyhow, there it is, there is my rant. I'm sorry to be negative, but I just had to get this off of my chest. I'm going to go have a cup of tea and go sit on the patio, before I have to go out and run errands. Take good care my friends, i am thinking of you all.

 

***Beulah....happpy 2 year anniverasary! A huge accomplishment!!!***

 

Robert,  I had awful mental symptoms, and they've faded, truly.  Your time will come.  hang in there .  I know it's so discouraging when you're going through it, but I swear this has gotten so much better, maybe around 18.5.

 

Green, thanks for the reassurance, i truly appreciate it ! Yes, my time will come. When in the pit of these waves, it seems impossibble. I am just trying to hold on to the notion that I have had a marked increase in healing after each wave. The mental symptoms just suck!

[[Co...]]

Beulah.....CONGRATULATIONS......YEAR 2.....

....How was the ice cream outing?.  Your post is so encouraging....yes, you are going to get all the way through and I could not be happier for you...love to you dear friend...

[[Co...]]

Elle, I am so sorry your scope was a nightmare. ...and I am very glad that you are ok. ...You are going to get through all of this Elle.  It is all very hard, and you are courageous to stick with it....you won't be sorry.....and we are all here to support you...It really does get easier.  I am wishing you some sunbreaks .    coop

[[Co...]]

Hi 12-18 friends.....so sorry, I have been off the thread again. I am actually doing some things in my life....easy safe stuff. My son and daughter in law and grandsons are camping about 60 miles out from where I live so my ex and I went up to spend the day with them . It was another good opportunity for me to challenge my traveling fears.  It's a bit of a push but no panics or even ramped anxiety...just some nervousness here and there. .. 

.....I can not possibly catch up ....I am pages behind.  ..I have felt really good since the wedding.  I can feel the window starting to dim down somewhat, but so far it is just some moderate d/r, some on again off again health fear ( my belly pain continues and I go next week for ct and barium swallow..not doing a scope unless they say I am dying), and some crushing fatigue , but it felt like low blood sugar because I put off eating....working on not being afraid to eat because Beulah is right... it hurts worse if I don't eat often enough. ....that seems to be all that is hanging on...

.....I will be back on tomorrow ...  Wishing everyone some rest .. some peace and better days tomorrow..  coop

[[Si...]]

Glad you're doing good coop. The camping trip sounds like fun.

 

I'm still awake at 2:11am. This will break my streak of sleeping almost every day this month. Only have missed one night each week. Super bummed out by it. Just took some zycam as I hope I'm not getting sick. Tonight is a restless night too. Sometimes when I can't sleep I can at least lie still with my eyes shut. It's not working tonight though. I'm tossing and turning. I don't think the full moon is helping any.

[[ci...]]

Hey Ya All, I feel like I know each of you, I always keep up with your thread to check your progress. I hope you do not mind me jumping on here for a quick question. I respect your opinion and value your expertise.

 

I am 16 months CT from ambien, It's been a rough ride, at least 30 plus WD sxs, but this far out new intense sxs are popping up. Last month for 3 weeks I had intense joint pain in my fingers, wrists, and feet and I could not use my left hand for 3 weeks, now that resolved.

But now for the past 6 weeks, I have had intense heartburn, brutal......is it possible to develop this intensity of sxs after 16 months? Is this heartburn related to WD? I had minor heartburn during acute, but this degree of heartburn is always present 24/7, maybe a little worse after meals or when i lay down, but it never goes away. I prefer to stay away from all meds.

 

Thanks ya all, any response would be appreciated.

 

Always, cindy

 

 

[[TA...]]

Good morning buddies,

Cindys, I have been reading this thread every day since 4 months and follow progress. I'm 15 months off psycho meds and I can relate to joint pain in feet, wrists, fingers but mine is on and off. I don't have heartburn but palpitations and heavy heart and it's hard to breath. Since one month every day I've got another symptoms and they are very extreme. I feel so discouraged but I won't take any psycho drugs.

wish you all a lot of healing

[[Sk...]]

Hey Ya All, I feel like I know each of you, I always keep up with your thread to check your progress. I hope you do not mind me jumping on here for a quick question. I respect your opinion and value your expertise.

 

I am 16 months CT from ambien, It's been a rough ride, at least 30 plus WD sxs, but this far out new intense sxs are popping up. Last month for 3 weeks I had intense joint pain in my fingers, wrists, and feet and I could not use my left hand for 3 weeks, now that resolved.

But now for the past 6 weeks, I have had intense heartburn, brutal......is it possible to develop this intensity of sxs after 16 months? Is this heartburn related to WD? I had minor heartburn during acute, but this degree of heartburn is always present 24/7, maybe a little worse after meals or when i lay down, but it never goes away. I prefer to stay away from all meds.

 

Thanks ya all, any response would be appreciated.

 

Always, cindy

 

Cindy, welcome here.

 

I can relate to some of your symptoms, the joint pain became such a part of my life, I thought it was just me.

 

I have had many heart symptoms that were scary, not heartburn, but still it has been hard to ignore them.

 

In wd, anything is possible and it always comes as a shock that, this  far out, we can develop new and unsettling simptoms.

 

So, you have seen the worst by now, you just have to accept that some new and interesting  symptoms might still pop up.

 

You are so close,  you are almost there. 

[[Sk...]]

Well today hasn't been a great day. Anxiety and depression have come back, I'm so afraid I won't sleep again tonight. I didn't sleep Monday night, so I did last night. Woke up really groggy and confused. My eyes have been twitching all day too. 

 

 

Siggy,

Hope you get some sleep tonight, I know the anxiety and depression are just awful.. My right eye has recently started twitching too, not painful but very annoying. Feel better, jenny

 

Thanks Jenny! I'll take my contacts out soon and switch to my glasses. Maybe it'll help with the eye twitching.

 

Siggy, sorry to hear about the sleeping and your eye as well.

 

Eye symptoms are the hardest to ignore, but that is exactly what you have to  do.

 

I use contacts as well, but for me, they lessened my problems compared to glasses. But who knows in wd, right ?

 

See what works best for you and do your best to ignore them.

[[Sk...]]

Hi 12-18 friends.....so sorry, I have been off the thread again. I am actually doing some things in my life....easy safe stuff. My son and daughter in law and grandsons are camping about 60 miles out from where I live so my ex and I went up to spend the day with them . It was another good opportunity for me to challenge my traveling fears.  It's a bit of a push but no panics or even ramped anxiety...just some nervousness here and there. .. 

.....I can not possibly catch up ....I am pages behind.  ..I have felt really good since the wedding.  I can feel the window starting to dim down somewhat, but so far it is just some moderate d/r, some on again off again health fear ( my belly pain continues and I go next week for ct and barium swallow..not doing a scope unless they say I am dying), and some crushing fatigue , but it felt like low blood sugar because I put off eating....working on not being afraid to eat because Beulah is right... it hurts worse if I don't eat often enough. ....that seems to be all that is hanging on...

.....I will be back on tomorrow ...  Wishing everyone some rest .. some peace and better days tomorrow..  coop

 

Coop, this post is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.

 

Thanks so much for sharing these quiet moments of joy, you truly deserve them.

 

I was so overwhelmed this morning but this post has really cheered me up. 

[[Sk...]]

Morning all,

 

A hot and humid day here..in the 90's.

Granddaughter is coming over to swim but I'm going to stay inside in the air..papa will be her play date today.

We are going later in the day for some ice cream to celebrate my two years off today.

 

I can honestly say without a doubt " I'm going to make it and I'm gonna be ok".

 

Have the best day you can.

 

 

That's great news Beulah, enjoy your ice-cream. What a wonderful feeling to know you are going to be ok on your 2 year mark. I am so pleased for you, enjoy the a/c   BTW the weather here is rubbish 

 

I had my lunchtime chat with Bristol TP who noted I was calmer today and I am, everything is there but less intense and my brain/mood is very blah – all WD. I’ve spoken to a lady there who herself is recovered and she said that 2 years is very common in healing time, give or take. In that time we can be in and out of symptoms and to understand that this is how is goes for the majority and eventually it all fades away ALWAYS. There is nothing we have done that brings on these symptoms or make them worse apart from stress and to avoid stress as much as you can (impossible sometimes). She said the best way to deal with it is to know this and not to analyse why one day you are reasonable and the next a mess;  It is just the way healing takes place, like a bouncing ball that will eventually settle. I said it must be hard listening to us whine, cry and freak and was told it isn’t as we all get better. I know I am lucky to have this support, they do speak to people all over the world though, and they get better too. 

 

Marj, thanks so much for sharing as much as you can. You are unlucky to be in wd, but you are lucky to be doing it in the Uk ! 

 

It shows that it is possible to fight benzos or at least offer support. And at least they speak about it in Parliament.

 

For instance, the Earl of Sandwich sued his doctor and was awarded 1 million pounds in damages. He is devoting so much time to informing people.  He also  spoke about prescribed drug harms in the House of Lords.

 

You can read more about it here Earl of Sandwich speaks on prescribed drug harms in the House of Lords

 

The link to his interview on the Times is here http://www.recovery-road.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Times-Magazine-18-July-2015-pdf-1.pdf

 

Do check it out, it's very inspiring to see someone fight so bravely to inform people. It also give more up to us that this thing might end some day, maybe just not in our lifetime !

 

Marj,  do you think it would be possible to call the Uk numbers from Italy ?

 

I was checking out the Cepuk numbers on their website and was wondering about it.

[[Sk...]]

Good afternoon from Wisconsin, where we are enjoying some beautiful summertime weather...long may it last!

 

Well, I've been in wave, on and off since last friday...the last two days have been intense. Very strong mental symptoms; terror/anxiety, agitation. Just awful stuff, very much like being in acute. So I'm just reaching to you all to vent a little. I have come so very far, like all of you here, but I'm tired! I'm so tired of this. I know that I am feeling this way because I'm stuck in a wave and can't see out of it right now. I mean, last month for me was really good, to the point where I was really feelling like withdrawal was finally coming to an end....but no, apparently it's not. If I sit back and take stock of how far I've come, I can readily see very encouraging improvement. But, It is just this feeling like in the movie "Ground Hog Day" where I keep reliving the same thing over and over, every day.

 

Anyhow, there it is, there is my rant. I'm sorry to be negative, but I just had to get this off of my chest. I'm going to go have a cup of tea and go sit on the patio, before I have to go out and run errands. Take good care my friends, i am thinking of you all.

 

***Beulah....happpy 2 year anniverasary! A huge accomplishment!!!***

 

Robert, you are not being negative, you are suffering and you did well to vent. Mental symptoms are very hard to deal with and the Groundhog day feeling is awful.

 

I have been having a lot of mental symptoms in the last days, they are not picnic at all. They make the physical symptoms so much harder to deal with.

 

So be as well as you can, as Beulah says.

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... slept well ... woke up in the land of acute ... well not really, just freakin' feels like it ... been around this block so many times I am wearing a rut in the sidewalk ...

 

Oh well, another day in paradise ... at least it stop raining ... now we have the thick fog ... can't see the slug races on the sidewalk ... very disappointing ... 

 

Have a good day folks ... 

[[No...]]

Cindys ... regarding heartburn ... perhaps some ginger tea would be helpful ... these symptoms that are intense and show up out of the blue are disconcerting ... and they all pass in due time ...

 

[[...]]

Morning all,

 

A hot and humid day here..in the 90's.

Granddaughter is coming over to swim but I'm going to stay inside in the air..papa will be her play date today.

We are going later in the day for some ice cream to celebrate my two years off today.

 

I can honestly say without a doubt " I'm going to make it and I'm gonna be ok".

 

Have the best day you can.

 

 

That's great news Beulah, enjoy your ice-cream. What a wonderful feeling to know you are going to be ok on your 2 year mark. I am so pleased for you, enjoy the a/c   BTW the weather here is rubbish 

 

I had my lunchtime chat with Bristol TP who noted I was calmer today and I am, everything is there but less intense and my brain/mood is very blah – all WD. I’ve spoken to a lady there who herself is recovered and she said that 2 years is very common in healing time, give or take. In that time we can be in and out of symptoms and to understand that this is how is goes for the majority and eventually it all fades away ALWAYS. There is nothing we have done that brings on these symptoms or make them worse apart from stress and to avoid stress as much as you can (impossible sometimes). She said the best way to deal with it is to know this and not to analyse why one day you are reasonable and the next a mess;  It is just the way healing takes place, like a bouncing ball that will eventually settle. I said it must be hard listening to us whine, cry and freak and was told it isn’t as we all get better. I know I am lucky to have this support, they do speak to people all over the world though, and they get better too. 

 

Marj, thanks so much for sharing as much as you can. You are unlucky to be in wd, but you are lucky to be doing it in the Uk ! 

 

It shows that it is possible to fight benzos or at least offer support. And at least they speak about it in Parliament.

 

For instance, the Earl of Sandwich sued his doctor and was awarded 1 million pounds in damages. He is devoting so much time to informing people.  He also  spoke about prescribed drug harms in the House of Lords.

 

You can read more about it here Earl of Sandwich speaks on prescribed drug harms in the House of Lords

 

The link to his interview on the Times is here http://www.recovery-road.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Times-Magazine-18-July-2015-pdf-1.pdf

 

Do check it out, it's very inspiring to see someone fight so bravely to inform people. It also give more up to us that this thing might end some day, maybe just not in our lifetime !

 

Marj,  do you think it would be possible to call the Uk numbers from Italy ?

 

I was checking out the Cepuk numbers on their website and was wondering about it.

 

Sky,

 

Just quickly as I am short on time at the moment, however I just wanted to tell you that I am sure you will be able to call them from Italy. I know they are very busy and they don't do Fridays so give it a go. Not sure of international codes, I think you add 00 44. Check first though. Good luck

 

[[je...]]

Cindy,

Month 15/16 was a very bad wave for me and the main sx were muscle and joint pain. I was very stiff and sore, felt weak, and all my joints hurt. I remember buddies on here talking about the body pain but I never really had it up until that point. I also think the heatburn is a w/d sx, and yes new things can just pop up even that far out. I think my most intense waves were in the second year-- makes no sense, but it happens. I would try some Bragg's apple cider vinegar for the heartburn, its all natural too. About a tablespoon mixed with water and maybe a little honey. Hope you feel better soon 💕 jenny

[[Si...]]

Well today hasn't been a great day. Anxiety and depression have come back, I'm so afraid I won't sleep again tonight. I didn't sleep Monday night, so I did last night. Woke up really groggy and confused. My eyes have been twitching all day too. 

 

 

Siggy,

Hope you get some sleep tonight, I know the anxiety and depression are just awful.. My right eye has recently started twitching too, not painful but very annoying. Feel better, jenny

 

Thanks Jenny! I'll take my contacts out soon and switch to my glasses. Maybe it'll help with the eye twitching.

 

Siggy, sorry to hear about the sleeping and your eye as well.

 

Eye symptoms are the hardest to ignore, but that is exactly what you have to  do.

 

I use contacts as well, but for me, they lessened my problems compared to glasses. But who knows in wd, right ?

 

See what works best for you and do your best to ignore them.

 

Thanks, I'm working from home today. I just can't do the get ready and commute across town. I really wish I could sleep at least 3 or 4 hours. No idea why my head won't shut off. I never had sleep issues before benzos. Lucky me.

[[je...]]

Siggy,

My sleep tonight was horrible too, tossing and turning all night and I could not just lay there as you said.. It's like I just wanted to crawl out of my skin..

[[Si...]]

Siggy,

My sleep tonight was horrible too, tossing and turning all night and I could not just lay there as you said.. It's like I just wanted to crawl out of my skin..

 

 

 

Did you get any sleep last night? I just feel terrible when I don't sleep any. Even just a few hours makes a lot of difference. I really hate the fact that I feel like I'm making progress and then it gets yanked away from me.

[[...]]

Elle....welcome to the thread...you are more than welcome here. You will find unfailing support and encouragement here.

...How are you doing?  How is the belly pain? .  Was your scope negative of any problems ?...I hope so.

  ..6 months was a very challenging time for me. I refer to it as acute 2.  It didn't last long ( about a month I think) and things returned to more of a typical w/d pattern of waves/sunbreaks and windows . ....I hope you are feeling better.  coop

 

 

Thank you Coop for this sweet post.  I've been following this thread and pray you all heal quickly.  It's frightening to think I still have so long of healing to go, but its also comforting to see you have all endured and are still alive.

 

My scope was extremely difficult.  I actually am unable to talk about it for now, but I know you are experiencing stomach pains too so I will just say that they found nothing wrong.  They then admitted me to the hospital because the doctor was certain that something must be wrong with my pancreas (my mom died from pancreatic cancer) so this was not good for me mentally.  As you can imagine, I was a complete wreck and refused all meds, (they wanted to pump me full of anything and everything).  I couldn't even sit still in my room.  They did a CT and again, nothing was wrong..  This extreme doubled over pain and nothing is wrong.. wow.  it has to be BW..  I hope that gives you some peace of mind.  You are a wonderful kind lady and I am so thrilled you were able to enjoy the wedding.  How beautiful for you.  Thank you for allowing me to post here and follow all of your progress.  You are a very loving group. 

 

elle,

 

I'm glad that the the doctors found nothing wrong! However, I am so very sorry that your are in so much pain. It is not suprising that its likley what you are experiencing is w/d.

 

I just wanted to chime in to say not to so disturbed by the fact that many of us here who are in our second year are still experiencing symptoms. Please try not to be discouraged. It is true that we are, but I have to say, we are all in very much better places than when we were 6 months out like you...it does get better, i assure you. Yes, we all seemed to have made it to this point, and you will too....please just hang in there anyway you can, Cope well!

 

Robert, thank you for your encouragement.  especially when you are in a wave yourself.  May I ask you and this group... can you describe how it gets better in the 2nd year? do the waves get lighter? or how?  I read about each of the waves you all have and it saddens me that everyone is still suffering.  I know there are probably many new BB's that follow this thread so can you describe how it gets easier to give us all some hope. I have been so damaged by doctors (cant bring myself to tell my story yet) but I've been bedridden for over 2 years and see no end in sight to keep holding on.  I had such a blessed life of happiness before all this and I cannot see any light at the end of my tunnel. 

 

I hope your wave passes soon robert.