12-18 month support

[[63...]]

Happy Holidays and peace to you all!

 

May 2015 bring rapid and complete healing!!!

[[Ha...]]

I'm home alone with my dogs too!! Hubby is working had some chest zaps today big storm headed for utah!! Let's all heal and be done with this already. Hugs to all!!!

 

Happy me

[[dr...]]

I'm home alone with cats

 

Happy-my brother lives in Huntsville. You close by? 

 

We have a storm here already.  "Healthy" drew parked his car far away from store.  I soon became "soaking wet" drew when I left the store and it poured sideways rain after just being sunny

[[je...]]

I'm home alone with my dogs too!! Hubby is working had some chest zaps today big storm headed for utah!! Let's all heal and be done with this already. Hugs to all!!!

 

Happy me

 

 

Hi Happy,

 

How have you been feeling? Any better?

[[No...]]

Hey Drew ... some days a buddy just can't catch a break ...

 

My cold seems to be clearing up ... went to bed ... woke up three hours later with a full bodied cns storm ... seems to have run its course after a couple of hours ... guess I should have put out more cookies for the guy in the red suit ...

 

Now I am in cns storm hangover mode ...

 

How you doing tonight? ...

 

[[pe...]]

Hi Michael,

Sorry for the storm. I hope the hang over isn't too long or uncomfortable. Maybe the man in the red suit will bring us all some much deserved relief.

 

I'm rollicking in some of my deepest depression and feeling so very alone. I'm hoping tomorrow is better. Sometimes it is.

 

They tell us this gets better. Tonight I'm hoping they're right. I really feel like I go back to meds soon if the depression doesn't lift. It does come and go but when it comes.... Whoa, Nelly! I wish someone could tell me it's part of withdrawal and that it will go away. It just feels so forever and it's hurting my little family. I just can't push through another year of it.... And my husband and sister are absolutely kaput.

 

Hoping for a Christmas miracle...

Peace2

[[Fi...]]

Peace--so sorry you're in such distress on Christmas Eve.  But you are going to get better.  You just ARE!  If your depression comes and goes (like mine) then it seems it really is withdrawal and not some underlying disorder.  And even if it was, after reading a book called Anatomy of an Epidemic, I think people are better off getting off EVERYTHING.  Please read this book before you ask for the antidepressants.  I guess some people on this board talk about using antidepressants and I have used them for short periods in the past, but never again.  I think they played a part in my downfall.  It's pharmaceutically complicated so I'll just leave you with my complete empathy and hope that your breaks will be longer and brighter so that you can stay the course.  Just give it time.  I know the feeling of thinking you really ought to be drugging yourself for the sake of your family, but in the end they'll do better with you well!  God bless.

[[No...]]

Peace ... thank you for the encouragement ... I wish I had a miracle for you tonight ... and I just know, for me, the drugs are no answer for what I am going through ...

 

As disheartening, scary, or interminable this may seem, the message from those who have gone before us is we all heal ... we all come out of this whole and alive ...

 

We can do this ...

 

Michael

 

[[Gr...]]

Merry Christmas, everyone.  Hanging on by  thread, lol.  seriously, it got hairy rough at the end.  After tomorrow it's all over!

 

:smitten:

[[je...]]

Hi Peace,

 

I think fj's reply to you was really great... I'm 100% positive that this depression you are dealing with is w/d. I've read your posts long enough to see the patterns and I'm telling you its all w/d. I get exactly how you are feeling, I had the depression so bad for 2 years while in tolerance and post jump-- it was miserable. Every time I think about that time in my life I just shudder, it was so intensely dark. If it can go away for me then it will go away for you too. Keep staying healthy and exercise, exercise, exercise!! It will lift one day peace-- promise... And Peace this has been a bad few weeks for you, anyone would be depressed, so with benzos everything is amplified.. Your gonna make it, stay strong.. Jenny

[[Gr...]]

Peace,

 

Stress is going to trigger your symptoms, you know that.  What you're going through is awful, especially right before Christmas.  It's going to take a little time. 

 

Honestly, I don't know how you've coped.  You have not caught a break.  Going back to work in September, I'll never know how you pulled that off.  And now this.

 

It's going to get better.  Just give it a little time. :smitten:

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Thursday, Dec. 25

 

The hope that is left after all your hopes are gone -- that is pure hope, rooted in the heart.

 

David Steindl-Rast

Gratefulness, the Heart of Prayer

 

[[Sk...]]

Hi Michael,

Sorry for the storm. I hope the hang over isn't too long or uncomfortable. Maybe the man in the red suit will bring us all some much deserved relief.

 

I'm rollicking in some of my deepest depression and feeling so very alone. I'm hoping tomorrow is better. Sometimes it is.

 

They tell us this gets better. Tonight I'm hoping they're right. I really feel like I go back to meds soon if the depression doesn't lift. It does come and go but when it comes.... Whoa, Nelly! I wish someone could tell me it's part of withdrawal and that it will go away. It just feels so forever and it's hurting my little family. I just can't push through another year of it.... And my husband and sister are absolutely kaput.

 

Hoping for a Christmas miracle...

Peace2

 

Peace, hang in there. I HAd a horrible bout of depression just the day before yesterday, it lasted 14-15 hours and was awful, it was like having a cloud over my head, it was like having fog only about me. It lifted, like from one  minute  to the other. It was hard not to believe the things the cloud was trying to convince me of. Having that for any longer, must be so hard, just believe in your healing. I am so sorry for your loss, this is so hard on you but you will manage and your family will be so proud of you.

 

The dinner yesterday was very hard, I wasn't able to follow people speaking, I did not understand what they said, mr Sky too expected me to have an easier time. My relatives saw me sad, aloof, or whatever. I could only think that there were germs all over the place, it was really hard.

 

I was invited for lunch today, but I am not going, I want to stay at home, with mr Sky, my dog and cat. Maybe at New year I will go again. I am so confused, I expected to manage better but I had a bad bout of DR/ Dp.

 

Everybody, I hope things are going ok with you. Next year this time, we will be amazed at our progress and we' ll have a great time.

[[pe...]]

Hi Peace,

 

I think fj's reply to you was really great... I'm 100% positive that this depression you are dealing with is w/d. I've read your posts long enough to see the patterns and I'm telling you its all w/d. I get exactly how you are feeling, I had the depression so bad for 2 years while in tolerance and post jump-- it was miserable. Every time I think about that time in my life I just shudder, it was so intensely dark. If it can go away for me then it will go away for you too. Keep staying healthy and exercise, exercise, exercise!! It will lift one day peace-- promise... And Peace this has been a bad few weeks for you, anyone would be depressed, so with benzos everything is amplified.. Your gonna make it, stay strong.. Jenny

 

Thank you, Jenny. We sure have been at it a long time. Taking some deep breaths.

Love you all,

Peace2

[[pe...]]

From Dr. Jen (not Peace2. Just wanted to share...)

October 2010 I began tapering off of my nightly dose of clonazepam. I’ve been in benzo withdrawal ever since. Every Christmas I said to myself, “Next year, I’ll be healed.”  I won’t say that this year, because it really doesn’t matter anymore. I have a life again. A very, very good life. I know how to manage my symptoms, but moreover, I know how to manage my reaction to them and to life in general. I am no longer the victim in any circumstance. In fact, benzo withdrawal has given me a fortitude that no pill could ever have given me. It’s not that I feel invincible, I don’t. I am keenly aware that one day I will pass on, like everything else. I feel strong in who I am, what I believe in/stand for, and what I really want.

 

Benzo Withdrawal syndrome profoundly changed my life. It was a gift, albeit a hard one to embrace. I know if you are still suffering, it may be hard to think that what you are going through has any redeeming quality. I assure you, in the end, it does. Be patient.

 

I am spending Christmas with my children at my sisters house. She is my only sibling, and we have never been very close. But withdrawal changed me and allowed me to see my role in our distance, and to amend it. Having my sister in my life is a gift that surviving withdrawal gave me. It also gave me the courage and the desire to pack up and travel the USA to meet many of you who read my blog because you are suffering as I was. I am looking forward to hearing all of your stories. It will be an honor, really.

 

I’m also celebrating a great delight this Christmas. My eldest son got engaged last night. It is a deep, deep, happiness to know that he is happy and building a solid life for himself. A life that includes love. His girlfriend is an amazing young woman who will be a good life partner. I couldn’t be more pleased.

 

I hope you all have a merry Christmas as much as you are able. I hope you can distract from your symptoms and hold a bit of hope in your heart. Hope that one day, you will not only feel like yourself again, but that you will feel like a stronger and wiser you. If you allow this suffering to open your heart instead of shutting it down, I promise you, life will become incredibly good.

 

With my full and cracked open heart, I wish you peace, health, and a deep sense of purpose. I know those are gifts that are waiting for you to unwrap, in time.

 

I love you all.

Jennifer

[[ga...]]

Holiday Greeting to Alll

 

 

Peace....I see there is some good reason for cheer this morning.  Congrats to you and your son and future daughter in law.  How nice to have this to hold onto during this most difficult time.

 

As far as the depression....I can certainly relate.  Like yours it is not a constant.  It is so difficult at times and then at other times, when distracted or other things going on in life, it lifts.  For this reason alone I say NO TO DRUGS.  They most certainly are not the answer when depression or the "blues" come and go.  Most of this is situational and will pass.  Hang tough and enjoy the good times and just deal with the down times.  Easier said than done but most of us are doing just that. 

 

I wish you and the rest of my BB's a joyous day with family, friends or on your own if that is the case.  For me I have my wife and her mother visiting.  It is a quiet day but I did get some sleep which will allow me to make it a good day.

[[pe...]]

Garton-

I was just sharing a post from Dr. Jen. It's her words and her progress. I'm not quite there yet. Maybe next year... But I am grateful for my own sweet sons. They're only 6 and 3 years old. They are having a very happy holiday and I'm grateful for all of the friends and relatives who are stepping in and making sure they are buffered for my suffering. Onward.

 

Peace2

[[li...]]

Merry Christmas all,

 

 

I was a bit wavy these last few days as I am struggling with the understanding why this benzo beast has taken a good part of my last two years? When I say -- "what a waste"-- I get really down. I could not help but be saddened by the times that are thought wasted. But is it wasted? I don't think so.  As the benzo withdrawal has made me look deep inside for understanding of who I am and what I can improve. I would be dishonest if I neglected to say that victimhood has not taken it home in my thoughts from time to time.

 

They say that depression is about the past and anxiety is about the future.  I had a bit of both these last few days. I must understand that it is only when I see myself as a victim that I feel down -- at least for me. I must every day find meaning in what has happened to me the last few years. The days I feel better and without symptoms are the days I choose not  to think about these past 2 years or fill myself up with other activities.  I really do not want to continue to feel bad so I am choosing to believe that this is all for a good reason. I may not know what that reason is now but no doubt there is a reason.

 

You all are the reasons why I am off benzos. No one would imagine how difficult this is unless you go through it. I look at my 15 year old and wonder what this w/d has done to him not having a father present the past two years? Enough with the feeling sorry for myself -- life really is good. Why? I am off these drugs for over a year now and my symptoms even on bad days are awesome in comparison with last Christmas. I could not even hold my thought together more than two seconds last Christmas. Praise God for all the progress.

 

This time next year I know we will all feel almost cured. There is no doubt in my mind about that... So for those behind me -- yes I still doubt if all these weird symptoms are me or benzos but when I compare my symptoms to last year I realize that the symptoms had to be benzos. We are healing people. May God send out all his love to all of you. 

 

Two things for sure:

 

Exercise is very important for a clearer mind.

Time is the healer.

 

Love,

 

Life4me

[[li...]]

Hi Peace,

 

I think fj's reply to you was really great... I'm 100% positive that this depression you are dealing with is w/d. I've read your posts long enough to see the patterns and I'm telling you its all w/d. I get exactly how you are feeling, I had the depression so bad for 2 years while in tolerance and post jump-- it was miserable. Every time I think about that time in my life I just shudder, it was so intensely dark. If it can go away for me then it will go away for you too. Keep staying healthy and exercise, exercise, exercise!! It will lift one day peace-- promise... And Peace this has been a bad few weeks for you, anyone would be depressed, so with benzos everything is amplified.. Your gonna make it, stay strong.. Jenny

 

Amen Jenny!!!! Merry Christmases. Peace you are just going through what we all went through. I know its feels horrible but it truly is benzos.

 

Life

[[be...]]

I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. 

On this day my wish for you is a day filled with what you want it to be.

May your hearts be light and peace overcome you.

Hugs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[He...]]

Hi Peace,

 

I think fj's reply to you was really great... I'm 100% positive that this depression you are dealing with is w/d. I've read your posts long enough to see the patterns and I'm telling you its all w/d. I get exactly how you are feeling, I had the depression so bad for 2 years while in tolerance and post jump-- it was miserable. Every time I think about that time in my life I just shudder, it was so intensely dark. If it can go away for me then it will go away for you too. Keep staying healthy and exercise, exercise, exercise!! It will lift one day peace-- promise... And Peace this has been a bad few weeks for you, anyone would be depressed, so with benzos everything is amplified.. Your gonna make it, stay strong.. Jenny

 

Amen Jenny!!!! Merry Christmases. Peace you are just going through what we all went through. I know its feels horrible but it truly is benzos.

 

Life

 

Peace, I agree with everyone that this is withdrawal. However, it's also grief. Even without being in withdrawal this Christmas would be tough!  (((Hugs)))

[[He...]]

Merry Christmas!

 

Christmas has been good! I haven't been totally symptom free and have some physical anxiety hovering around the edges, but it's been fun and festive with family.  So much better than last year!!  I am feeling so very thankful and  starting to trust in the healing.  I realized lately how much I have been questioning if this is just me now (classic withdrawal...lol).  I was starting to feel pretty depressed by the length of this withdrawal syndrome.  Thankfully that depression is lifting again and I can appreciate how much I have healed already, and that it is continuing. 

 

I am SO ready for this to be behind me, behind all of us! 2015 will be our year, I know it. We are all MUCH better now, and it will continue. We will be writing true success stories soon.

[[ga...]]

Sorry Peace...I was skimming though and not reading carefully.  Glad you are getting through the day! 

[[Sk...]]

Merry Christmas!

 

Christmas has been good! I haven't been totally symptom free and have some physical anxiety hovering around the edges, but it's been fun and festive with family.  So much better than last year!!  I am feeling so very thankful and  starting to trust in the healing.  I realized lately how much I have been questioning if this is just me now (classic withdrawal...lol).  I was starting to feel pretty depressed by the length of this withdrawal syndrome.  Thankfully that depression is lifting again and I can appreciate how much I have healed already, and that it is continuing. 

 

I am SO ready for this to be behind me, behind all of us! 2015 will be our year, I know it. We are all MUCH better now, and it will continue. We will be writing true success stories soon.

 

Great to hear that Healing ! I will be looking forward to month 17 then ! 

[[pe...]]

Well I wouldn't believe it if it wasn't happening. The dark desperate depression of yesterday has lifted a fair bit. Still depressed- yes. Suicidal- no. How does that happen?!?! This thing is such a bugger. I'm glad for all of you and your never ending support.... We can all expect another dip in 7 weeks when my cycle swings through and my hormones plunge.

 

Hope each of your symptoms are a little lighter tonight. Because a little lighter is all I need to get to the next day.

 

Peace2