12-18 month support

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

A hot and humid day here..in the 90's.

Granddaughter is coming over to swim but I'm going to stay inside in the air..papa will be her play date today.

We are going later in the day for some ice cream to celebrate my two years off today.

 

I can honestly say without a doubt " I'm going to make it and I'm gonna be ok".

 

Have the best day you can.

[[Sk...]]

Morning all,

 

A hot and humid day here..in the 90's.

Granddaughter is coming over to swim but I'm going to stay inside in the air..papa will be her play date today.

We are going later in the day for some ice cream to celebrate my two years off today.

 

I can honestly say without a doubt " I'm going to make it and I'm gonna be ok".

 

Have the best day you can.

 

 

  CONGRATS BEULAH, FOR TWO YEARS !

 

 

It's an amazing day for you and you seem to have planned the best way to celebrate it.

 

Hugs and  do enjoy it, you sooo deserve it ! :smitten:

[[Se...]]

Beulah... Congrats, friend, on your two-year-off anniversary!  How wonderful.  Love, blessings & continued healing to you...

 

Serenity 

[[dr...]]

nice job Beulah!!!!  We are all going to make it!

 

 

My anxiety is down a lot and all my head symptoms gone right now.  What is left of the breathing issues and anxiety I now know this time was caused by my herpes type 1 virus. tmi   I can feel a cold sore coming on the lip.  The  virus lies dormant in the nerves.  I never had this pre taper so when it decideds to go active it now messes with my super sensitive cns. Whenever we get sick or run down we pay for it.  fun times.     

[[...]]

Morning all,

 

A hot and humid day here..in the 90's.

Granddaughter is coming over to swim but I'm going to stay inside in the air..papa will be her play date today.

We are going later in the day for some ice cream to celebrate my two years off today.

 

I can honestly say without a doubt " I'm going to make it and I'm gonna be ok".

 

Have the best day you can.

 

 

That's great news Beulah, enjoy your ice-cream. What a wonderful feeling to know you are going to be ok on your 2 year mark. I am so pleased for you, enjoy the a/c   BTW the weather here is rubbish 

 

I had my lunchtime chat with Bristol TP who noted I was calmer today and I am, everything is there but less intense and my brain/mood is very blah – all WD. I’ve spoken to a lady there who herself is recovered and she said that 2 years is very common in healing time, give or take. In that time we can be in and out of symptoms and to understand that this is how is goes for the majority and eventually it all fades away ALWAYS. There is nothing we have done that brings on these symptoms or make them worse apart from stress and to avoid stress as much as you can (impossible sometimes). She said the best way to deal with it is to know this and not to analyse why one day you are reasonable and the next a mess;  It is just the way healing takes place, like a bouncing ball that will eventually settle. I said it must be hard listening to us whine, cry and freak and was told it isn’t as we all get better. I know I am lucky to have this support, they do speak to people all over the world though, and they get better too. 

[[dr...]]

quoted from marj-"She said the best way to deal with it is to know this and not to analyse why one day you are reasonable and the next a mess;  It is just the way healing takes place, like a bouncing ball that will eventually settle. I said it must be hard listening to us whine, cry and freak and was told it isn't as we all get better. I know I am lucky to have this support, they do speak to people all over the world though, and they get better too."

 

the key to making it through this is the bold line...we can all be monks with the level of acceptance and what we are able to ignore

 

I can't believe how lucky you are...rather it is unfortunate how unlucky we are not to have the resources...actually...it's a damn travesty.

 

rant over

[[No...]]

Beulah ... two years off ... you must be proud ... enjoy your anniversary day ... 

[[No...]]

Marj ... thank you for this post ... encouraging ...

 

I am sitting here in the soup and muttering and wondering ... this up and down is sometimes rough ...

 

Happy you have this local support ... 

[[...]]

It it a total travesty, there SHOULD be support for everyone. I get that there is nothing outside the UK and that is why I've posted things regarding my support chats. I don't mind doing this if it helps

[[No...]]

Marj ... these posts are helpful ... please continue to pass on the encouragement as you can ... 

[[dr...]]

I copied what you wrote into my phone.  I know that is the case but reading and seeing it over and over really helps. thanks

[[Gr...]]

Morning all,

 

A hot and humid day here..in the 90's.

Granddaughter is coming over to swim but I'm going to stay inside in the air..papa will be her play date today.

We are going later in the day for some ice cream to celebrate my two years off today.

 

I can honestly say without a doubt " I'm going to make it and I'm gonna be ok".

 

Have the best day you can.

 

HAPPY 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY, BEULAH!

[[63...]]

Good afternoon from Wisconsin, where we are enjoying some beautiful summertime weather...long may it last!

 

Well, I've been in wave, on and off since last friday...the last two days have been intense. Very strong mental symptoms; terror/anxiety, agitation. Just awful stuff, very much like being in acute. So I'm just reaching to you all to vent a little. I have come so very far, like all of you here, but I'm tired! I'm so tired of this. I know that I am feeling this way because I'm stuck in a wave and can't see out of it right now. I mean, last month for me was really good, to the point where I was really feelling like withdrawal was finally coming to an end....but no, apparently it's not. If I sit back and take stock of how far I've come, I can readily see very encouraging improvement. But, It is just this feeling like in the movie "Ground Hog Day" where I keep reliving the same thing over and over, every day.

 

Anyhow, there it is, there is my rant. I'm sorry to be negative, but I just had to get this off of my chest. I'm going to go have a cup of tea and go sit on the patio, before I have to go out and run errands. Take good care my friends, i am thinking of you all.

 

***Beulah....happpy 2 year anniverasary! A huge accomplishment!!!***

[[...]]

Elle....welcome to the thread...you are more than welcome here. You will find unfailing support and encouragement here.

...How are you doing?  How is the belly pain? .  Was your scope negative of any problems ?...I hope so.

  ..6 months was a very challenging time for me. I refer to it as acute 2.  It didn't last long ( about a month I think) and things returned to more of a typical w/d pattern of waves/sunbreaks and windows . ....I hope you are feeling better.  coop

 

 

Thank you Coop for this sweet post.  I've been following this thread and pray you all heal quickly.  It's frightening to think I still have so long of healing to go, but its also comforting to see you have all endured and are still alive.

 

My scope was extremely difficult.  I actually am unable to talk about it for now, but I know you are experiencing stomach pains too so I will just say that they found nothing wrong.  They then admitted me to the hospital because the doctor was certain that something must be wrong with my pancreas (my mom died from pancreatic cancer) so this was not good for me mentally.  As you can imagine, I was a complete wreck and refused all meds, (they wanted to pump me full of anything and everything).  I couldn't even sit still in my room.  They did a CT and again, nothing was wrong..  This extreme doubled over pain and nothing is wrong.. wow.  it has to be BW..  I hope that gives you some peace of mind.  You are a wonderful kind lady and I am so thrilled you were able to enjoy the wedding.  How beautiful for you.  Thank you for allowing me to post here and follow all of your progress.  You are a very loving group.   

[[63...]]

Elle....welcome to the thread...you are more than welcome here. You will find unfailing support and encouragement here.

...How are you doing?  How is the belly pain? .  Was your scope negative of any problems ?...I hope so.

  ..6 months was a very challenging time for me. I refer to it as acute 2.  It didn't last long ( about a month I think) and things returned to more of a typical w/d pattern of waves/sunbreaks and windows . ....I hope you are feeling better.  coop

 

 

Thank you Coop for this sweet post.  I've been following this thread and pray you all heal quickly.  It's frightening to think I still have so long of healing to go, but its also comforting to see you have all endured and are still alive.

 

My scope was extremely difficult.  I actually am unable to talk about it for now, but I know you are experiencing stomach pains too so I will just say that they found nothing wrong.  They then admitted me to the hospital because the doctor was certain that something must be wrong with my pancreas (my mom died from pancreatic cancer) so this was not good for me mentally.  As you can imagine, I was a complete wreck and refused all meds, (they wanted to pump me full of anything and everything).  I couldn't even sit still in my room.  They did a CT and again, nothing was wrong..  This extreme doubled over pain and nothing is wrong.. wow.  it has to be BW..  I hope that gives you some peace of mind.  You are a wonderful kind lady and I am so thrilled you were able to enjoy the wedding.  How beautiful for you.  Thank you for allowing me to post here and follow all of your progress.  You are a very loving group. 

 

elle,

 

I'm glad that the the doctors found nothing wrong! However, I am so very sorry that your are in so much pain. It is not suprising that its likley what you are experiencing is w/d.

 

I just wanted to chime in to say not to so disturbed by the fact that many of us here who are in our second year are still experiencing symptoms. Please try not to be discouraged. It is true that we are, but I have to say, we are all in very much better places than when we were 6 months out like you...it does get better, i assure you. Yes, we all seemed to have made it to this point, and you will too....please just hang in there anyway you can, Cope well!

[[dr...]]

Welcome Elle. 

 

Robert-sorry your getting hit my man.  You will come out of this as you know.  Just sucks.

 

 

 

To add to the fun I got a visual migraine aura!!!  Oh yay...pile on fellas.  I was having a productive day in spite of aforementioned herpeic shit and then this.  The aura seems to have lapsed quicker than others recently and no head pain yet. Even though I'm not afraid of the auras they hit when I'm feeling high anxiety due to the neuro change they cause so I get a little panicky.  I went to my gym and meditated in a dark room.  Home now and reading outside.  I've been taking 2mg of tryptophan a day to raise my serotonin and lessen migraines.  I've been taking for three weeks and it can take up until eight to be at full effect. Keep you all posted. I'm surprisingly positive right now. My anxiety isn't too bad considering and I'm just into not trying to question anything.  Baylissa, the Bristol comments, and then all the support here has me in "it is what it is" mode.

[[...]]

Good afternoon from Wisconsin, where we are enjoying some beautiful summertime weather...long may it last!

 

Well, I've been in wave, on and off since last friday...the last two days have been intense. Very strong mental symptoms; terror/anxiety, agitation. Just awful stuff, very much like being in acute. So I'm just reaching to you all to vent a little. I have come so very far, like all of you here, but I'm tired! I'm so tired of this. I know that I am feeling this way because I'm stuck in a wave and can't see out of it right now. I mean, last month for me was really good, to the point where I was really feelling like withdrawal was finally coming to an end....but no, apparently it's not. If I sit back and take stock of how far I've come, I can readily see very encouraging improvement. But, It is just this feeling like in the movie "Ground Hog Day" where I keep reliving the same thing over and over, every day.

 

Anyhow, there it is, there is my rant. I'm sorry to be negative, but I just had to get this off of my chest. I'm going to go have a cup of tea and go sit on the patio, before I have to go out and run errands. Take good care my friends, i am thinking of you all.

 

***Beulah....happpy 2 year anniverasary! A huge accomplishment!!!***

 

Hi Robert, please don't apologize for anything on here. We have all had and have our fair share of being negative and ranting. Sometimes you can't help but be negative. That's what WD does to us at times, makes us negative. So get it of your chest, this is the place to do it.

 

Yes, Groundhog Day, that's what it is. It won't last forever, we just have to do the best we can until it's over. Keep posting as this group has helped me loads, there is always someone to pick you up when you are struggling. It's good you have some good weather to sit out in. I know it helps when the sun is shining and I can get outdoors (not too hot though). We have had rain all week, makes it more miserable. I too have been in a wave for nearly 2 weeks. Today it is giving me a little break as my day has got a bit better as it's gone on. I've learnt not to expect much as any breaks I have had are short lived. I've never had a window that has lasted into the next day.....yet.

It's good to have you here and we will get through this together

[[je...]]

Beulah!! Congrats on 2 years!! Enjoy your granddaughter

Marj-- thanks for sharing some of your info, it really is great to have confirmation and good advice.

Robert-- I just noticed your in month 15, I had a bad wave around the 15/16 month mark and I remember feeling so frustrated because I too was starting to feel better just before I got hit. Remember healing is not linear. We keep going up/down up/down until one day we just stay up hope you feel better soon, Jenny

[[pe...]]

Hi y'all,

I am wave, wave, waving about and just generally throwing an all out hissy fit ... In my brain at least. I can hear you're post Robert, as I am feeling the same way and knowing the only way out is through. Ugh.

 

Marj- thank you a million times for sharing the support and encouragement you get from the Bristol folks. It really is a help.

 

Beulah- congratulations on two years and so much healing! I'm so glad you're here on this thread to shine some much needed light.

 

Jenny- hey, sister. Hope you're seeing progress.

 

Peace2

 

 

[[...]]

Elle....welcome to the thread...you are more than welcome here. You will find unfailing support and encouragement here.

...How are you doing?  How is the belly pain? .  Was your scope negative of any problems ?...I hope so.

  ..6 months was a very challenging time for me. I refer to it as acute 2.  It didn't last long ( about a month I think) and things returned to more of a typical w/d pattern of waves/sunbreaks and windows . ....I hope you are feeling better.  coop

 

 

Thank you Coop for this sweet post.  I've been following this thread and pray you all heal quickly.  It's frightening to think I still have so long of healing to go, but its also comforting to see you have all endured and are still alive.

 

My scope was extremely difficult.  I actually am unable to talk about it for now, but I know you are experiencing stomach pains too so I will just say that they found nothing wrong.  They then admitted me to the hospital because the doctor was certain that something must be wrong with my pancreas (my mom died from pancreatic cancer) so this was not good for me mentally.  As you can imagine, I was a complete wreck and refused all meds, (they wanted to pump me full of anything and everything).  I couldn't even sit still in my room.  They did a CT and again, nothing was wrong..  This extreme doubled over pain and nothing is wrong.. wow.  it has to be BW..  I hope that gives you some peace of mind.  You are a wonderful kind lady and I am so thrilled you were able to enjoy the wedding.  How beautiful for you.  Thank you for allowing me to post here and follow all of your progress.  You are a very loving group. 

 

 

Hi Elle,

 

You are so welcome here. I'm sorry, I must have missed your earlier post. Stick here no matter what stage you are at. Just because some are still having a difficult time, it does not mean you will not heal sooner. I am 15 months and 3 weeks and this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I know I am not alone with this feeling. I too found myself in this position after not coping with sudden deaths in my family and given pills to deal with grief. We just trust doctors at the time, never again.

 

I hope your tummy pain eases for you and glad you have had tests to prove there is nothing wrong. It will be withdrawal as it appears to be a common symptom. I know Coop has this and some others, however I have not had pain in my abdomen just the bloating. i do get pain in other areas though. If you have any questions, just ask or if you want to have a moan and let off steam, just go for it. There will always be someone to listen. This is a lovely group of supportive people so you will not feel alone. This is a very lonely journey and you will make it to the end

[[Fi...]]

Elle-- so sorry you have found yourself suffering along with everyone else in this very difficult journey toward healing.  I'm glad your scope showed nothing wrong.  Yours is the kind of story that makes me need to say again that I think the best part of the BB board is hearing that everyone is having all these crazy symptoms.  They're about Benzo Withdrawal and that's pretty much it.

 

Many people seem to find comfort in being reassured through extensive medical tests that nothing is wrong, but so often the tests themselves, as you pointed out, are horrible.  It just seems to me it adds to the stress levels.  It's bad enough if money is no concern.

 

I've been reading the boards closely since last November, and of all the people who went to the doctor for tests, I can't think of any where anything useful was discovered. Nobody was ever actually having a heart attack.  Nobody's guts hurt because a cancerous tumor was found.  It was actually quite freeing for me when I accepted that any weird thing going on with me was probably related to withdrawal.  I saw it as good news, because we all recover from withdrawal! I always told myself that any weird symptom that remained after everything was gone I would then pursue.  Now I'm healed and there's nothing to pursue!

 

Since  you may have a while to go in this and new symptoms may crop up--I had brand new ones at 17 months--I hope you can feel reassured by the stories of others having gone to the doctors and had the tests and nothing was ever found. 

 

Of course, being in withdrawal doesn't mean we can't develop other problems, (I had an antibiotics-requiring respiratory infection and I also broke my ankle) but to the extent that your symptoms follow the timeline of withdrawal, just waiting everything out may be the cheapest and less stressful path to take.

 

Comparing notes with everybody here will be a source of great solace for you, I'm sure.

[[dr...]]

Great post FJ!  Come to think of it I know no one either and I've been here over three years.

[[63...]]

Thanks everyone for your suppoort. It helps a great deal!

 

Yes, the only way out is through....so with that in mind, I carry on!

 

 

 

[[Fi...]]

Drew--

[[Si...]]

Well today hasn't been a great day. Anxiety and depression have come back, I'm so afraid I won't sleep again tonight. I didn't sleep Monday night, so I did last night. Woke up really groggy and confused. My eyes have been twitching all day too.