12-18 month support

[[be...]]

Hi Beulah,

How are you feeling today? I've actually been thinking about cancelling my cable too... We mainly watch Netflix anyway.. Lots of junk on TV, I agree.

 

Hey Jenny, same ole stuff, muscle and nerve pain with a little anxiety thrown in for good measure..nothing new. I'm not in a wave nor window..just kinda restless.

I feel the need to get out and go..but you know how that is.

How are you doing? How is your nerve pain?

 

 

 

Still dealing with the nerve pain, its bearable but still there.. It's the one sx I rarely ever get a break from. It's always there, just different intensifies.. Is that the same for you? I'm feelinguch the same way as you, not a window, not a wave.. Blah.

 

Yes Jenny, same here..the nerve pain never stops..let's up but never goes away. I think this will be my longest lasting symptom.

I would take any symptom over this nerve pain. We know we will heal from this..just so long.

 

Just another day in paradise.

[[No...]]

Marj ... hope you get a break this weekend ... this often feels out of control and crazy making ... neither is true ... just tough stuff we go through for a while ... 

[[No...]]

Hi Beulah ... yep ... another friggin' day in paradise ... I have been up and down all day with this flu-feeling stuff and the anxiety/panic ... hope it gets bored and buggers off for a while ...

 

This is boring ...

 

Hope you have a good weekend ... 

[[Gr...]]

For those of you with major mental symptoms, when they lift, it's like a miracle.  The physical, still hanging around.  But so, so much better.

 

I needed to read this today as I'm struggling. This week has been awful and now I'm afraid depression is going to engulf me. I've had low moods on and off with this but this feels different. I had a major meltdown on monday (worst ever) and since then things have just got worse. Feeling really nauseous too and not had that before.

Is this normal? I'm truly scared.

 

Is this normal?  That's good for a laugh.  but it's to be expected, and it's going to pass, and you will be okay.  As Parker used to say, all we have to do is survive when it gets really bad, just get through it.

I had a lot of on and off nausea, that's def normal, a lot of us get that.  hang in there, it will pass.

[[Gr...]]

Hi ... woke up in the middle of night to breath restricted, gut churning panic ... lasted for a couple of hours ... after the initial blast of fear things levelled out and now I am feeling somewhat weather beaten and tired ...

 

Talk about a blast from the past ...

 

Round and round it goes ... I suspect this may not be entirely healing related ... perhaps some old stuff paying a nocturnal visit ... oh well ... got through it without even the hint of needing a drug ... tea and acceptance and time ... and going slow ...

 

Its Friday here on the East Coast ... have a good one ... 

 

Nova, so sorry about the panic, I hate that.  Your symptoms seem to be cycling kind of rapidly. 

 

Yes, low and slow.  We still have a ways to go.  Must pace ourselves.

[[Gr...]]

Coop, I'm so excited for you, so happy for you!  I'm guessing it's Saturday, and today is the rehearsal?  Healing is knowing even if we don't feel well, we can manage to get there and be there.  You know this would have been touch and go even six months ago.  And you're doing it.  So happy for you.

 

My fourth night falling asleep at morning light.  I am getting sleep, maybe 3-4 hours, 7 a.m. to 10 or 11.  But not feeling as well as I did.  but still, no mental stuff, so far so good.

 

hope everyone had a good Friday.

[[No...]]

Green ... yep, no mental stuff other than just remembering I have to get through another day ... that is really all there is to it now ...

 

Time ... and a little more time ... your sleep will get back to where you want it eventually ... seems we do not get to choose which cycle we are on for a while ... 

[[dr...]]

Hi all...site was down for me all day. Just trying to catch up. 

 

Green-Baylissas did have a British accent.  She also freaked me out when she said one glass of wine might as well be me taking a klonopin.  I've had both and I can't agree w her on that.  Probably not good for me but I'd be pissed if it was the same as a rescue dose.

 

I had an optometrist appt today. With my sensitive eyes I was probed and blinded which bothered me. The dr is great though and he knows and be

Ives in my condition.  He said "it's very similar to a traumatic brain injury".  Eureka!!!  Someone who gets it.  In addition to that bit of pleasant stuff he said my eyes look perfect and he sees no hint of any hypertension, heart disease, rumors, blood flow issues, that can be seen on close inspection of the blood vessels.  Sort of nice to hear since my bp can go high a lot.  All in all good experience but $500 poorer for some expensive glasses and lenses

[[...]]

Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I'm sorry for being whiney, this week has been a real toughy 24/7. I know we all suffer and at different degrees on and off. When it's bad and the crazy making thoughts are intruding on everything you are doing, it makes you feel hopeless. I've just watched the film Bad Teacher with my daughter, I've seen it before and found it hilarious. This time I had to make myself laugh, the over thinking going on in the background. This is so shitty, but you don't need me to tell you all that. Yes it will pass....... that's all that we need to know.

 

Coop, have a fabulous day tomorrow 

[[No...]]

Drew ... yep ... temporary brain re-alignment ... I have to keep remembering that ... and it is good to hear a "civilian" gets it ...

 

I get a lot of reassurance from my eye doc as well ... he can "recon" for a lot of stuff during his exam ...

 

Have a good weekend ... and I agree with you, one glass of wine now and then does not amount to using k or taking a rescue does ... give me a break ... 

[[No...]]

Marj ... this place can be used for "whine central" ... no need to apologize ... we get it ... sometimes we need to vent and rant a little ... seems to let a bit of the pressure off from time to time ...

 

[[je...]]

Site was down for me too all day...

Coop- have fun at the wedding! This is huge for you, for anyone.. Your gonna do great!

Nova-- thanks for the quote about children, very sweet..

 

I think for me alcohol is gonna have to be gone from my life forever.. I was drinking very heavily when I was in tolerance, basically became an alcoholic.. So for me I don't think I will ever touch it again, and since it hits the same gabba receptors as a benzo its just not worth it for me.. Despite all the hell these drugs have created for me, a positive is I live a healthier lifestyle-- exercise, good food, and I won't ever touch alcohol again..

[[...]]

Nova   

[[je...]]

Marj,

It's true the mental stuff will lift, and when it does your gonna feel so much better! I still get bouts of it, like in this last wave but its not as tortuous as it used to be... Hang on 

[[...]]

Marj,

It's true the mental stuff will lift, and when it does your gonna feel so much better! I still get bouts of it, like in this last wave but its not as tortuous as it used to be... Hang on 

 

Thanks Jenny, it's amazing how a few reassuring words just soothe you a little........ 

[[No...]]

Hi Jenny ... I do not drink either ... I no longer have any tolerance for alcohol ... that's okay ... lots of other stuff to do ...

 

Have a good weekend ... 

[[Gr...]]

Site was down for me too all day...

Coop- have fun at the wedding! This is huge for you, for anyone.. Your gonna do great!

Nova-- thanks for the quote about children, very sweet..

 

I think for me alcohol is gonna have to be gone from my life forever.. I was drinking very heavily when I was in tolerance, basically became an alcoholic.. So for me I don't think I will ever touch it again, and since it hits the same gabba receptors as a benzo its just not worth it for me.. Despite all the hell these drugs have created for me, a positive is I live a healthier lifestyle-- exercise, good food, and I won't ever touch alcohol again..

 

Jenny, I'm with  you.  I crossed that line in tolerance, and I believe that a bell cannot be unrung.  is that making sense?

 

Also, I do listen to my body now, and it's telling me no to a lot of things. I don't think I ever paid attention before.  Now I'm listening.

 

however, for people who have an occasional glass of wine, it's probably okay.  but for anyone who knows he/she has a tendency to overdo it, it's crazy to risk your healing.

 

Baylissa isn't the only cautionary voice.  Read Colin's bio on the site.  He says the same thing.

[[Fi...]]

Drew and others, for the record:  I have continued with my one drink a day habit throughout withdrawal except for twice, when I thought I'd see if I could speed things up.  I didn't drink for 25 days over this past Christmas and then in the spring I went two months.  I honestly could not see any difference  and I missed the reliable comfort of that one glass.  Clearly everybody's different.  I just couldn't see it being a big factor for me.  I thought it was interesting that Lost Dog mentioned his daily wine only in a post script to his wonderful success story.  You kind of hesitate to encourage things that might be a problem for somebody else, I guess.

[[dr...]]

Marj-you know it passes and I just want to let you know I'm thinking of you. Not much more to say.

 

I used to drink heavily once a week on benzos and now I really don't care for it at all except with a nice meal.  Otherwise I'm good.  Had a nontoxic nap after waking up early (4:30) almost every day this week.  Nontoxic being the key word.

[[be...]]

Evening all,

 

All the talk about alcohol..I don't drink. I have a celebratory glass of champagne twice a year.

The reason I don't drink is because alcoholism runs in my family and I don't want to go down that road.

I knew from an early age that I loved alcohol, some good people gave me a talking to and it stuck with me.

 

Coop, I very much hope you enjoy the wedding and I will be waiting to hear all about it.

Nova- Yes, hug the kids and love them..so much truth in it.

 

Yes, the site was down again..but here we are again. Night all.

[[No...]]

Hi Sky ... hope you are doing well and you are getting some relief from the heat ... 

[[pe...]]

Thinking of you, Coop! I hope it is a beautiful and enjoyable day. Looking forward to hearing all about it.

 

Peace2

[[...]]

Well I'm just sitting in my garden,  trying ignore my thoughts saying I should be doing this and that. The exhaustion wont let me, however I will go for a walk soon before I go to the supermarket. Every saturday I say I cant do it but I always do. My moods are swinging like a monkey in a tree, all driven by thoughts. The thing is in this, we want to live a normal life so much and it is just impossible when in WD. Doing what we can is so bloody hard to accept sometimes, especially when you can hear and see people just being able to get on with it. Hopefully when this is over we will never take life for granted, ever. I know there is so much I would like to do with my life, only my brain wont let me yet. It needs to escape from this prison and just accept thats where we are right now. Ugh, not easy!

 

Hi Peace,  hope you are doing ok. We will make it to the other side

[[Fi...]]

marj--don't worry about other people and how they look like they're living their lives just fine.  They have their story, you have yours.  You can't win if you compare your own private hell to your imagining of the perfection of their lives.  You can never know what all others are wrestling with.

 

Of course it probably can't be as miserable as benzo withdrawal!   :D Still, you have a good prognosis.  Nobody's told you you will die of this.  Everyone's telling you you will eventually get well.  And you will.

 

You are being very brave to endure this, we all are, so please be as kind to yourself as you possibly can.  I think hanging out in the garden is a very good idea.  I am heading out to ours this morning, just loving the idea that I finally have some energy to make a dent in the weeds!

[[63...]]

Wow....this thread is really moving today.

 

I thought I would chime in here, really just to say hello to all of you and to let you know that I'm right here with you all, 15 1/2 months out, experiencing the same things as all of you are. Hands down, withdrawal is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through and it far surpasses anything that i could have ever imagined.

 

I can't begin to tell you all here how impressed I am with the mutual support and friendship that i see in this thread...it really is something, quite touching! If having to endure symptoms isn't bad enough, we are usually so misunderstood by the people and loved ones around us in our day-in, day-out lives, such that they can't even begin to get their heads around what we have to endure.  Support like this thread here is so invaluable!

 

I'm sorry to not have posted here much. I was far more active in the 6 to 12 month thread. Its difficult for me to write, something to do with typing on the keyboard...it is much easier for me to write with pen and paper...yet another bizarre w/d symptom! I have continued to stop by this thread to see how you all are doing, and to match my experience against yours. That has been very helpful.

 

I have healed quite a bit, especially over the last two months, but I still have some really nasty symptoms. Most of what remains in mental; agitation, anxiety (terror), DP/DR. My sleep still sucks, alas! What is huge for me, though,  is that I think that my heart palps are gone, and that was a real severe symptom for me, really for many years. Also, I achieved a personal milestone in healing last month by being able to get on a airplane and fly, half way across the country,  to visit firends and family out in California. I couldn't even dream of doing this for about two years, when i was still in my taper.

 

Anyhow, please know that my thoughts and prayers all with all of you here. We are all getting there, slowly but surely!

 

Robert,..  nice to see you. ...You are sounding good at 15.5 months out....Flying cross country is a really big deal. It seems as though your sx are fading down to a few that want to hang on....Yes , the days seem endless with what feels like little to no improvement , but when we look over the preceding 6-12 months we see the difference . ...You also are coming into the home stretch....For me things started looking more like healing around months 20/21....but I don't think I could fly yet without hydroxine or benedryl....

......Really glad you came by to let us know how you are, your post encourages us all to keep moving forward and not to lose our belief that we all get through this healed.....I hope we see you here again soon.....Wishing you sunbreaks and healing.....coop

 

Coop...good to hear from you, thanks for reaching out to me! I just wanted to say congraulations on your daughters wedding!!! I'll be thinking of you on this special day!