12-18 month support

[[dr...]]

Hi peace...I had a business meeting and my anxiety and head sensations were ramping up a bunch.  I wrote on my notes for my presentation all my cbt stuff and sayings that help calm me.  I have to overcome this irrational fear of the head stuff.  At one point my scalp got so tight and I was worried.  I kept reading the mantras and decided I wasn't going anywhere.  the sensations waxed  and waned but I did it.  I could have gotten up at one point which was acnormal break but I chose not to leave. the meeting.  It was a one on one client review. 

I know I have to keep doing them with a positive attitude and the sensations and anxiety will get less. 

 

Another meeting tomorrow early am.  Bring it on!  I'm in the offensive now.

[[pe...]]

Good for you, Drew! I truly know how hard it is to get through tough meetings in withdrawal. It's unbelievable and you're taking it on like a champ. Proud of you and appreciate the example you set. Hope you get a bit if a breather between now and tomorrow's meeting.

 

 

Peace2

[[dr...]]

It took its toll. I'm soaking in my bath now. 

[[Si...]]

Glad you've made it through drew. Hope you've enjoyed your soak.

 

I barely slept last night. Maybe an hour? Hate the barely sleep night. I can handle the 3 - 6 ones easy. Rather have 7-8, but something is better the nothing. Or nearly nothing.

 

My thyroid test came back ok. Really low in Vit d though, so I've got a script for that.

 

My wife went to be an extra in a Jamie Foxx movie they are filming in Atlanta. She'll have been on set for about 14 hours today. So ive just been puttering around the house. Had strong storms earlier that knocked our power out twice.

[[dr...]]

Sorry about the sleep sig.  Everyone seems to be low in Vit D. I was 11 at one point in tapering!  Better now but still lie. Worry bout that later. Lol

[[Si...]]

Sorry about the sleep sig.  Everyone seems to be low in Vit D. I was 11 at one point in tapering!  Better now but still lie. Worry bout that later. Lol

 

Thanks? Yeah save it for later!

[[Gr...]]

Sig, that's so exciting that she's an extra in a movie!  Love that.  I really loved Atlanta, it's a great city, and I had a good, good time.

 

Sorry sleep is still rough for  you.  Mine finally started getting better, although last night, not so good.  But overall I've been getting many hours.  so that's something to look forward to.

 

Peace, I started feeling better at 18.5 months.  That was my last bad wave.  Then it became good days/bad days. to be honest, physical symtpoms are tough, but the mental really cleared up for me.  and that's half the battle.  how can we cope when the mental is so bad?

How is your mental and dp/dr?  I saw the most amazing improvement in dp/dr/anxiety/intrusive thoughts from 18.5 through now, the beginning of 21.  really amazing.  I can't promise it will be over, but i's going to be a lot better.  When I say better, I mean I started feeling like me, like a strong, intelligent woman instead of feeling like chicken little running around crying and waiting for the next wave to fall out of the sky.  That is a BIG DEAL.  So feel hopeful, lots of good healing 18-20.

 

HH:  I think we all have some wreckage from the benzo years.  I didn't realize you had been on them 8 years.  I would seriously consider a bankruptcy and a fresh start, if your state laws make it work for you.  My sister filed years ago.  It took seven years, and then she was able to start clean.

And for all the spouses and family members, we're back!  new and improved.  but it might be weird for them.  because we're so different.  My boys and I went through a re-acquaintance, I'm sure.  I have to admit, those pills changed my personality, I was not the same person I am now.  Not radically different, but definitely different.  I'm even a little strange to myself, I don't completely recognize who I am.  Maybe  because of all the dp/dr?  And then, as you noted, the last two years out of my mind dealing with withdrawal.  It's a lot for all of us.  maybe a little counseling?  I def needed that for myself, just to process this whole nightmare!

 

Good luck however you handle it.  It's good to hear from you.  Good to hear one of our people dealing with real life problems instead of struggling to breathe.

[[pe...]]

I adore you Green.

I'm so glad the mental symptoms are noticably better for you. I'll look towards the coming months and hope for healing. Some of the mental stuff is certainly better but it's all still there. Day by day by day is how I do this thing. Hardest thing I've ever done.

 

 

Thanks, green.

Peace2

 

 

 

[[Gr...]]

I adore you Green.

I'm so glad the mental symptoms are noticably better for you. I'll look towards the coming months and hope for healing. Some of the mental stuff is certainly better but it's all still there. Day by day by day is how I do this thing. Hardest thing I've ever done.

 

 

Thanks, green.

Peace2

 

More than noticeably better.  They're gone.  I'm me.  I would write a success story but for the leftover fatigue and sleep issues. and an assortment of odds and ends. Now it's all physical for me. 

 

That's how bad my mental was!  It was so bad I didn't know how bad it was, until it lifted.  And it truly did, almost in one day.  Not one day.  but over a very short period of time healing accelerated. 

Healing really happens.  hang on, Mighty Girl.  LuvU2!

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... starting 22 months out today ... hoping I am in the home stretch ...

 

I have had a rough couple of days with the physical stuff ... and sitting with it I am realizing that I can accept this physical stuff until it finally all goes away ... there has been so much improvement for me over the last six months or so ... if I give myself the acknowledgment I deserve I know this is coming to an end ... I will heal from the drug ...

 

Also, I am getting an awareness that the underlying anxiety that brought me to the drug is still present ... often I am sensing that there are two people present ... the one healing from the drug and the one emerging from this healing ... the one healing and the one who carries my history, my story ... I believe another sign of my healing is that these two are gradually merging ... and that feels right ...

 

So ... one lesson I have taken from my healing process is this "go slow" choice ... my anxiety has the characteristic of wanting to speed things up when it is present ... create a cloud of dust ... mask things ... hide its presence ... distract with confusion ... somewhat like a tantrum ...

 

Now, as I move through these next months it feels good to know this and to invite my anxiety to the table ... accept it, get to know it ... integrate it into my day to day journey ... seems this is much like what I had to learn and had to do with my healing ... nothing new under the sun ...

 

Wishing we all have a good day ... 

[[...]]

I adore you Green.

I'm so glad the mental symptoms are noticably better for you. I'll look towards the coming months and hope for healing. Some of the mental stuff is certainly better but it's all still there. Day by day by day is how I do this thing. Hardest thing I've ever done.

 

 

Thanks, green.

Peace2

 

More than noticeably better.  They're gone.  I'm me.  I would write a success story but for the leftover fatigue and sleep issues. and an assortment of odds and ends. Now it's all physical for me. 

 

That's how bad my mental was!  It was so bad I didn't know how bad it was, until it lifted.  And it truly did, almost in one day.  Not one day.  but over a very short period of time healing accelerated. 

Healing really happens.  hang on, Mighty Girl.  LuvU2!

 

 

Green/Peace

 

Your posts just helped me this morning as I am in a wave from hell  after some heavy duty stress. The stress is sorted but the wave is rolling with physical and mental symptoms. I slept reasonably but got up with the worst anxiety I’ve had in a while. I started thinking,  this isn’t WD, it’s me just having a breakdown. At 15 ½ months I’m trying now to convince my mind that this is normal at this stage and that more time is needed and that my brain is still freaking out.

 

What I find so harrowing, and I’m sure that everyone feels this, is when things calm usually in the evening, you start to have faith again only to get up the next day with crap. Unfortunately my symptoms have seemed worse all week, hence my believe starting to waver that I will ever recover. Peace, you are totally right to say this is the hardest thing we have ever had to do, however our desire to come out the other side and to recover is so much stronger than WD and at the moment too, living day by day by day is the way to get through. It is a put one step in front of the other sometimes. I don’t know if it is true that when symptoms are raging it is a sign of healing going on.  My brain feels like has red hot glass stuck in it, if that makes sense and it feels very ‘poorly’. Yes I am at work but concentrating is very hard, it keeps some normality in my life though although I let my mask slip on Tuesday and cried when someone asked me if I was ok. This fake it till you make it thing has being going on a long time now, never would I have believed it could be still this awful.  I know I am not alone and that is comforting

[[Co...]]

Yuperoo Jenny...so much fun!

 

I decided to do my meeting solo on Thursday.  I have to overcome this fear and who cares if my brain goes wonky.  I let it send me to the ER several months ago and I have to overcome that irrational fear.  I can always leave a meeting but I don't.  I plan on working out before work the next two days to see if that helps too.  I usually feel better after working out as long as I am not in cortisol rush waves.

 

....Drew, sounds like your wave has pretty much passed. I am so glad to hear it. You have so much bravery....I know how tough it is ( we all know) to do the things that used to be just normal every day things, while dragging the Benzo beast along with us. You are such an inspiring presence on the thread. .  I am wishing you a very long stretch of sunbreaks and healing......coop

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Has anyone had any problems logging onto this site? All day yesterday I couldn't log in here, don't know if it was connection problems or what.

 

Nova- Very good post.   Yes, throughput this process I have felt like their are two of me, one accepting of this process and ready to move forward..the other one ..not so accepting and fearful of moving on. I feel as I move forward in healing they both will merge and accept that this is healing and settle into a more relaxed togetherness and realize this is still healing..for now.

 

I can see much improvements in all of us. As we emerge with a sense of caution...we can finally

unback our baggage and stay a while.

 

You are sounding good. Keep healing.

[[Co...]]

Hi All.

Just stopping by, reading posts. This is the pits, eh? To be 18 months out and still dancing with these symptoms. My stomach is a mess, head pressure, weird thinking, some depression, tinnitus. It feels like it's time for a break already. I guess I've got more time to put in. Feeling down right weary.

 

Anybody got good news?

Peace2

 

.....Peace,....I second everything that Green said. Months 18 and 19 were still tough for me, but my head was more clear.  much more clear. I think k 85% of my sx are physical now at month 20.75. If not for this crazy belly stuff I would be consistently at a minimum of 80% done....Like Green, I I just have a sense of alot of the w/d fading out....having said that. I also know that I have probably another year of finishing up, stabilizing and getting back into the world. I am looking forward to year 3 as being the beginning of a renewed life. Yes. I think you are right, we are not done yet....but the hardest heaviest work is behind us. 18 months is a huge turning point ....I think you will be in a good place by the time you go back to school.  ..I hope you are getting some totally laid back time over the summer.. with sunbreaks....coop

 

[[Co...]]

I adore you Green.

I'm so glad the mental symptoms are noticably better for you. I'll look towards the coming months and hope for healing. Some of the mental stuff is certainly better but it's all still there. Day by day by day is how I do this thing. Hardest thing I've ever done.

 

 

Thanks, green.

Peace2

 

More than noticeably better.  They're gone.  I'm me.  I would write a success story but for the leftover fatigue and sleep issues. and an assortment of odds and ends. Now it's all physical for me. 

 

That's how bad my mental was!  It was so bad I didn't know how bad it was, until it lifted.  And it truly did, almost in one day.  Not one day.  but over a very short period of time healing accelerated. 

Healing really happens.  hang on, Mighty Girl.  LuvU2!

 

.....Green....WOW....What a wonderful post!!....I am so very happy for you. You more than deserve to be this healed. To have the clarity back really is the beginning of the end of this crazy butt hurt I think . I started getting more clear somewhere in month 19 and am handling sx much better. Like you with the fatigue and sleep issue, I would feel close to healing EXCEPT for the reflux/cough/breathing thing. I think your fatigue and my belly issues are going to take some time but will eventually fade out too. A little more patience....a little more grit ....and we will be there. I am looking forward to year 3 .....I have no doubts what so ever that I will be completely done in year 3...  .Sleep...the elusive escape to peace. I am awake every single morning at 4. ..in March I was sleeping until 7/730......Thank goodness I am not working ...I rest whenever I wa t to.  So happy to read your post Green...gives us all encouragement and hope....Enjoy every minute of it.....love to you.....coop

[[No...]]

Beulah ... yes ... there was something going on with the site yesterday ... seems to have cleared up late Wednesday evening, my time ...

[[No...]]

Marj ... "when things calm usually in the evening, you start to have faith again only to get up the next day with crap" ... yep ... that is a cycle some of us have found ourselves in ...

 

You are doing well ... and sure, sometimes it doesn't feel like it ... so, one day at a time ... we will get there ... 

[[No...]]

Green ... thanks for your good news ... we just keep plodding along ... and it is good to have some clarity again ... 

[[No...]]

Hi ... my head pressure is continuing ... three days now ... and lots of heat off and on ... quite a nuisance this is ...

 

Oh well ... this too shall pass ... 

[[No...]]

Peace ... this sure is tough stuff we are doing sometimes ... and it wears on our stamina ... we just keep going, as best we can, one day after another ...

 

And ... even though we may not see it all that clearly ... all of us are getting better ... 

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... wishing you a very pleasant next few days ... all will be well ... I hope you get to enjoy every minute of the wedding ... 

[[Co...]]

Nova....your Zen is back....you sound so grounded. Inviting g your anxiety to the table and integrating it.... please write a book.....Yes, I think those of us who are looking at the end of year 2 are truly seeing healing. I am also still with sx and some tough days, but the healing is there underneath the breathing and belly issues....and as much as those engage my anxiety, I know they will eventually resolve....

.....Sorry that the last couple of days have been hard for you. Hope this is a better day for you....carry on Nova...You bring such good things to this thread....hope you get out for a ramble today.....coop

[[Co...]]

Marj... so sorry you are in that exhausting up and down and all around mind crushing throw around with benzo w/d. Green and Nova and myself all went through it for a few months this spring....The good news is that it lifts for you in the evenings. It will sort itself out into a vague pattern eventually. I don't know how you get through work without crying every day. Peace and HH and Drew have worked all the way through as well. Maintaining that 'I am ok...' ... 'let's look normal' mask just takes super human powers....You are really holding on and progressing.  Go slow and low as much as you can and take all the support you need from the thread.. We are all here for you.....Wishing you some rest .. some time off...and some long sunbreaks....coop

[[Co...]]

Just an update....I am still feeling 80-85% done... except for the return ...or continuation of the belly pain/breathing/ coughing issue that stirs up my anxiety to acute levels. Managing to ride the anxiety out. No test results back yet, referral to gastrointerologist but no appointment yet. I am trying to just set it all aside  so I can enjoy my daughter's wedding. The work and chaos of all the planning and preperations are over...now just the celebration and fun. I am looking forward to it with the '2 selves' that Nova describes...the self that is better and so much more functional, and the wrecked self that is anxious and fogged still at times and can not quite "merge" with the more healed self. Where the heck is the merge lane, I need to find it soon.

  ...I know I will make another jump forward when my test results come back normal ( like they all do) and this last physical hurdle is behind me...On the very up side....all my cancer yearly checks came back normal and healthy.  So onward....

....BEULAH...yes the site was down all day yesterday...Freaked me out a little.. all must be well because here it was back ...with all my buddies this morning. It was good to see everyone this morning. I had a ' moment' yesterday of thinking  what if something happened to the site and I never got to talk to any of you again...or know that everyone landed on thier feet and went on to have big happy lives. ..so glad you are all here this morning....you are what keeps me put together through this..  ...love to all of you....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... the merge lane ... it is the one in the centre, or is it the one on the left, no I think it is the one on the right ... good thing I don't drive much ...

 

Enjoy the wedding ... and please, have FUN ...