12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Okay, I caught up.  People sound better, generally. 

 

What is healing?  Are we "cured," in a moment, and we throw away the crutches with tears of joy running out of our eyes?

 

Or is it the slow and steady accomplishment of things we haven't been able to do for years?  Jenny being at her child's side during and after surgery and not thinking about withdrawal once?  Being able to think about her child and not how sick she is?  Nova painting his house?  Coop planning and being at her daughter's wedding?  Me getting to Atlanta and actually enjoying it?  Now dealing with the broken AC, the leaking basement, the clogged drain in the shower?  dealing with it without having a meltdown.  Beulah feeling a wave coming on in the kitchen, and doing whatever anyway?

 

Now I have to try to walk, even though I think it's 100 degrees.  Like Beulah, getting out and doing something helps me sleep.

 

....Green.. I will take the ' miracle-throw away-the -crutches ' scenario.  Lol.. but I am obviously in the slow  1 step forward 3 1/2 steps back group. ..  Yes.  everything you said about being able to do more and feeling better with and in spite of sx. We are all participating more in life....GAW.. I can't believe Prilosec is 400$ prescriptuon. Big pharma just makes me livid. They make huge bucks off of suffering . I have a friend who also has RA and takes methotrexate ( big dangerous medication) and pays,something like 500$ /month  AFTER her insurance deductible.  after her insurance pays out another 700$  !!!!... unbelievable. 

  ...You sound good Green.  Hope you get some ac going on. I actually ended up feeling ok in spite of being awake since 3am. just going low and slow.  I always feel better once I have been up a few hours.    Be careful walking in the heat.  Great to see you today.  Wishing you the throw away crutches....coop

[[Co...]]

Nova....that's a lot of painting going on.  No wonder your muscles are complaining of the rude wake-up. .You are sounding good as well. ..Beulah is having turkey burgers for dinner..  what are you making?.. . Carry on dear friend.  coop

[[Co...]]

Drew.  Yep ....health fear buddies .  .where is that magic machine that we can just step into.  Let the mist swirl painlessly around us, analyze .  and treat all conditions and spit us out on the other end healed and no worse the wear.

    I honestly do look at your posts to remind myself that scary physical sx and raging health fear are just part of this long walk to healing......I am wishing you a very long break now from any and all health fears....as Beulah says, " wave be gone"..  ...coop

[[be...]]

Coop- Glad you have a memory for the name of medical tests..I sure don't . Yep, it was a barium swallow..wasn't bad at all.

No, I didn't get the scope..the doc wanted me to but I told him I wasn't up to it yet.

I think the barium swallow is the lesser of the other evils and maybe you could just have that done and skip the scopes.

I hope to not have any medical testing other than blood work in this process, I just need to stay low and slow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Co...]]

Coop- Glad you have a memory for the name of medical tests..I sure don't . Yep, it was a barium swallow..wasn't bad at all.

No, I didn't get the scope..the doc wanted me to but I told him I wasn't up to it yet.

I think the barium swallow is the lesser of the other evils and maybe you could just have that done and skip the scopes.

I hope to not have any medical testing other than blood work in this process, I just need to stay low and slow.

 

.....Beulah you are such huge support...my family thinks I am nuts to decline such a  " safe procedure".  .but I just don't think it's necessary at this point. I know I could do a barium swallow.  Thank you so much Beulah....At this point I would consider a ppi if recommended...I think pepcid blocks the acid without turning off the 'spickets'....but is not a magnesium coating protectant like malox and gaviscon. ...I do have to say it is not as intense today. ...thanks so much Beulah....coop

[[dr...]]

Wave Be Gone! now available only on this TV show.  But it in the next ten minutes and we will give you another bottle free!!!  That's a $39.95 value free!!!!  Just make 3 easy payments and an additional $79.87 for S+H 

 

Had a good day so far.  No rushes and was able to do 20 min of light elliptical.  Sitting at work very productive and not having the all encompassing desire to be at home.  No anxiety either...Must be the bottle of Wave Be Gone.  Not celebrating yet but optomistic.   

[[je...]]

Green-

I think health fear is a w/d sx and especially because I never had it pre benzo, actually I really haven't had it all that much in early w/d.....its only now that I'm so far out that I have started to freak out a little..I think because its like wow I'm almost 2 years out, maybe there really is something wrong with me, but in a window I'm clear as a bell that this is all w/d.

 

Beulah-- your dinner sounds yummy! Thanks for always giving me encouragement and kind words.

 

 

Doing okay today, breathing isn't as good as it was early this morning, but still much better. My brain feels numb and tingly, and I have a tad bit of nerve pain, my eye is still twitching.?! Anyhow, I'm feeling a lot better ... This wavd is finally breaking. Hope your all doing well!

[[Co...]]

Lol.  DREW,  too funny... Glad to hear that you are shaking the wave.. it's a crazy way to live. Dying one day.. biting our fingers off not to go to er yet again. The next day....perfectly normal....I can only  do one day at a time....which makes me crazy.....hoping this sunbreak holds for you....coop

[[be...]]

Coop- Glad you have a memory for the name of medical tests..I sure don't . Yep, it was a barium swallow..wasn't bad at all.

No, I didn't get the scope..the doc wanted me to but I told him I wasn't up to it yet.

I think the barium swallow is the lesser of the other evils and maybe you could just have that done and skip the scopes.

I hope to not have any medical testing other than blood work in this process, I just need to stay low and slow.

 

 

.....Beulah you are such huge support...my family thinks I am nuts to decline such a  " safe procedure".  .but I just don't think it's necessary at this point. I know I could do a barium swallow.  Thank you so much Beulah....At this point I would consider a ppi if recommended...I think pepcid blocks the acid without turning off the 'spickets'....but is not a magnesium coating protectant like malox and gaviscon. ...I do have to say it is not as intense today. ...thanks so much Beulah....coop

 

I have used the pepcid chews and they do work..just can't stand the fruity ones. 

[[be...]]

Wave Be Gone! now available only on this TV show.  But it in the next ten minutes and we will give you another bottle free!!!  That's a $39.95 value free!!!!  Just make 3 easy payments and an additional $79.87 for S+H 

 

Had a good day so far.  No rushes and was able to do 20 min of light elliptical.  Sitting at work very productive and not having the all encompassing desire to be at home.  No anxiety either...Must be the bottle of Wave Be Gone.  Not celebrating yet but optomistic. 

 

Drew, thanks for the laugh. But wait..that's not all.

 

Glad you are having a good day.

[[be...]]

Green-

I think health fear is a w/d sx and especially because I never had it pre benzo, actually I really haven't had it all that much in early w/d.....its only now that I'm so far out that I have started to freak out a little..I think because its like wow I'm almost 2 years out, maybe there really is something wrong with me, but in a window I'm clear as a bell that this is all w/d.

 

Beulah-- your dinner sounds yummy! Thanks for always giving me encouragement and kind words.

 

 

Doing okay today, breathing isn't as good as it was early this morning, but still much better. My brain feels numb and tingly, and I have a tad bit of nerve pain, my eye is still twitching.?! Anyhow, I'm feeling a lot better ... This wavd is finally breaking. Hope your all doing well!

 

Jenny, health fears are definitely a withdrawal symptom. I fell prey to all kinds of medical testing in my first withdrawal because I never knew about the health fears. I had more medical tests in my first six months off than I had in my life. Between the health fears and intrusive thoughts I really thought I would lose my mind.

 

I had the twitching eye in my first year..it drove me crazy...then when it quit it started on the corner of my mouth..it's all gone now but it is crazy stuff.

So glad you are feeling better.

 

[[be...]]

Hi ... finished the painting ... two bedrooms and two hallways ... we have been waiting for this for over three years ...

 

It was a bit rocky at times ... so I just went slow ... woke up a bunch of muscles that have been dormant for quite a while ...

 

Still wavey ... and feeling okay ...

 

Be Well everyone ... we are getting there ... 

 

 

Good job!!  Hope you sleep well.

[[He...]]

Hi Friends,

It sounds really good in here today!  LOTS of healing going on and it's exciting.  Wow, Nova....volunteering for a job and also painting your house?  That's healing for sure.    So many other stories, as well. 

 

I think I'm in Phase Two of healing.  This hopefully is NOT a phase that everyone goes through.  This is the healing of the mess that was caused by, or at least exacerbated by, benzos.  This is the mess in my relationship to my husband and to our finances.  I understand that I was so checked out for so long, and that he was in hunker-down survival mode, trying to keep the house running for our daughters.  I was awful to him at times.  I regret that terribly. It was all I could do to keep my life together outside the home, keep my job, keep up "appearances".  However, now?  Now our finances are in shambles.  We are in major debt, AND we lost our house.  We have the stress of that, of trying to get some sort of workable budget together, to try and right this ship.  We also are dealing with the pattern of how we have dealt with things throughout the past 8 years of my being on benzos....which is we didn't.  We avoided anything unpleasant.  We fought when we couldn't avoid it.  We tried to sweep things under the rug. Some of the major decisions we made, regarding employment and other things were made in hunker-down mode. 

I don't want to lose this 20 year marriage.  I want to keep my family together.  But how does one even go about fixing something so broke?  My heart hurts for how I treated my family.  No one wanted a zombie mom, and then a mom who yells, and then a mom who feels like she is dying 24-hours a day and in the throes of panic.  That mom is gone, thank God.  My daughters have forgiven me and moved on, as much as I can tell.  My husband, though?  He's in the thick of the financial mess and stress, and he blames himself and I think he blames me, too.  His way of coping has always been to avoid, avoid, avoid. 

Tonight we are going to try to take the first step and go to a Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class.  I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor so we can work on figuring this all out.  I don't think we will ever get out of debt, but I hope we can get us back.  The good news is he isn't walking out and he's willing to work.  I just am praying it is all fixable. 

 

As if simply surviving benzos and the subsequent withdrawal wasn't enough.....

[[dr...]]

Healng....I hope you two working at this together may end up bringer you closer.  If he stayed with you through the worst I'm sure  you will make it through this. 

[[He...]]

Healng....I hope you two working at this together may end up bringer you closer.  If he stayed with you through the worst I'm sure  you will make it through this. 

 

Thanks, my friend!  I hope you are right.  I just hope our mess is fixable....feeling quite overwhelmed at the moment. 

 

On the bright side, physically I am doing fine. 

[[je...]]

Hi HH,

I think you both have a good attitude about trying to work this out, and that a big step in the right direction. This is a trial you are going through that I think will bring you closer together once you get through it. Sounds like you are taking the right steps with your finances, and seeing a counselor.. I'm sure everything is gonna work out just fine remember how the house thing ended up being a good thing, a fresh start... This will be the same way, a fresh start.. Hugs, jenny

[[mr...]]

Wave Be Gone! now available only on this TV show.  But it in the next ten minutes and we will give you another bottle free!!!  That's a $39.95 value free!!!!  Just make 3 easy payments and an additional $79.87 for S+H 

 

Had a good day so far.  No rushes and was able to do 20 min of light elliptical.  Sitting at work very productive and not having the all encompassing desire to be at home.  No anxiety either...Must be the bottle of Wave Be Gone.  Not celebrating yet but optomistic. 

 

Results may vary.

 

Mrs. :laugh:

[[Sk...]]

Hi Friends,

It sounds really good in here today!  LOTS of healing going on and it's exciting.  Wow, Nova....volunteering for a job and also painting your house?  That's healing for sure.    So many other stories, as well. 

 

I think I'm in Phase Two of healing.  This hopefully is NOT a phase that everyone goes through.  This is the healing of the mess that was caused by, or at least exacerbated by, benzos.  This is the mess in my relationship to my husband and to our finances.  I understand that I was so checked out for so long, and that he was in hunker-down survival mode, trying to keep the house running for our daughters.  I was awful to him at times.  I regret that terribly. It was all I could do to keep my life together outside the home, keep my job, keep up "appearances".  However, now?  Now our finances are in shambles.  We are in major debt, AND we lost our house.  We have the stress of that, of trying to get some sort of workable budget together, to try and right this ship.  We also are dealing with the pattern of how we have dealt with things throughout the past 8 years of my being on benzos....which is we didn't.  We avoided anything unpleasant.  We fought when we couldn't avoid it.  We tried to sweep things under the rug. Some of the major decisions we made, regarding employment and other things were made in hunker-down mode. 

I don't want to lose this 20 year marriage.  I want to keep my family together.  But how does one even go about fixing something so broke? My heart hurts for how I treated my family.  No one wanted a zombie mom, and then a mom who yells, and then a mom who feels like she is dying 24-hours a day and in the throes of panic.  That mom is gone, thank God.  My daughters have forgiven me and moved on, as much as I can tell.  My husband, though?  He's in the thick of the financial mess and stress, and he blames himself and I think he blames me, too.  His way of coping has always been to avoid, avoid, avoid. 

Tonight we are going to try to take the first step and go to a Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class.  I'm going to make an appointment with a counselor so we can work on figuring this all out.  I don't think we will ever get out of debt, but I hope we can get us back.  The good news is he isn't walking out and he's willing to work.  I just am praying it is all fixable. 

 

As if simply surviving benzos and the subsequent withdrawal wasn't enough.....

 

HH, your post really spoke to me, thanks so much for sharing.

 

I have the financial shambles, although luckily there is not too much debt. And the emotional shambles, well, we' ll see about that.

 

Mr Sky and I, had a very rought patch in the worst years of tolerance. I had become a callous stranger and we carefully avoided arguments. Now, things are so much better and it's clear that many things were provoked by benzos, but will he ever get to trust me  totally again ?

 

The wounds are there.  We can forgive, can we ever really forget ?

 

I hope so.

 

HH, going together and trying to mend things, is  something, it's a lot. It may be the start of something better, you know ?

 

And the other things are like wd, you have to take them one day at a time to keep your strength and to not feel overwhelmed.

 

I am not on the thread as much, it's so hot here and I can't stand it. I am trying to limit my time at anything that generates any more  heat than I already have to contend with.

 

Otherwise, things are the same as usual, bad day, good day pattern is holding. My cog fog is increased in the heat and so are the intrusive obsessive, rambling thoughts.

 

 

Sorry, I can't remember the other posts.

[[No...]]

HH ... one day at a time ... you have made some choices in the direction you wish to go ... slow and steady ...

 

Re-entry has its own challenges ... and you will get through this stage just like you have gotten through all the others ...

 

[[No...]]

Sky ... sorry the heat is so oppressive ... hang on ... you are getting there ... 

[[No...]]

Well Folks ... having a sick day ... nothing much to add to that ... slow and low today ... 

[[dr...]]

hi all...actually slept well and had the alarm wake me up.  Woke up to use the restroom at 3am and no rushes then or upon waking.  Getting some bouts of DR for a few hours each day but just trying to pass the time.  Seems like the nasty portion of the wave is gone and now I am back to my "normal" make it through the day and pass the time focus. 

 

Had a weird experience today...on the way in to work I gave some money to a homeless guy and I became overcome with emotion.  Started tearing up.  I'm either numb to most everything or overwhelmed by it.  Those are my two emotional states right now.   

[[je...]]

Sorry Nova... Just get some rest, hope you feel better soon 

 

Drew, I think that feeling is very normal in w/d. Numb or emotional.. In early w/d I cried for hours everyday, and was sensitive about everything, I would over analyze everything that was said to me.. Now, I'm more numb with emotional outbursts in between..  Gotta love these gifts we get from these benzos. Ugh

[[dr...]]

Yuperoo Jenny...so much fun!

 

I decided to do my meeting solo on Thursday.  I have to overcome this fear and who cares if my brain goes wonky.  I let it send me to the ER several months ago and I have to overcome that irrational fear.  I can always leave a meeting but I don't.  I plan on working out before work the next two days to see if that helps too.  I usually feel better after working out as long as I am not in cortisol rush waves. 

[[pe...]]

Hi All.

Just stopping by, reading posts. This is the pits, eh? To be 18 months out and still dancing with these symptoms. My stomach is a mess, head pressure, weird thinking, some depression, tinnitus. It feels like it's time for a break already. I guess I've got more time to put in. Feeling down right weary.

 

Anybody got good news?

Peace2