12-18 month support

[[je...]]

Hi Mike,

I copied and posted that post from another buddie... Sorry you are getting hit so hard .. I'm in month 22 and not doing well myself lots of sx, I was doing good for about 2 months and now I'm back in hell. I understand feeling depressed, I'm feeling that way myself..

[[Co...]]

Whoot....it is so goid to read your post!..  Yay for you. I remember when you first came on , you were in absolute hell. Now look....14 months out and doing so great. I couldn't be happier for you. We needed to see your post here today...it brought some hope to us ...Keep it going Whoot you sound wonderful...thanks for your post....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew,...you have my heart dear friend. This wave is really slamming you...and I am so sorry. You are riding it out with so much grit.  I don't know how you are enduring it but you are. I see flashes in the corners of my eyes too....but obviously I don't get the migraines . A two hour window is something anyway..  I hope the massage helped. I am so wishing you some peace..  ...love to you....coop

[[Co...]]

Wow..  lots of suffering going on here today...Too many of us in the soup. I know it's all going to pass for everyone, but it stinks that we are still getting hit late in the second year. Even at that , we are a day closer and have the support of each other to keep us all moving forward.  Hoping for windows for all of us.  .coop

[[Co...]]

MikeJee...so sorry you are in such a funk....a few of us are there with you. Your positive prediction for your vacation is such a great mind frame. You always have such a positive perspective....I am with you, I think you are going to have a good vacation even if it includes some sx. ...It seems like all of us are getting hit with a weeks long wave of some kind or another late in this second year.. but with good underlying improvements.  Fatigue and anxiety seem to be major players in these long last waves..  You are almost at the end of this....we all are.. we just have to keep going one day at a time. ....It was great to see you here again, but I wish you were not swimming against a wave... Wishing you healing.  ...coop

[[Co...]]

Well,...some good, some bad here. I had about an hour window this morning that faded to 'whatever'....not really anxiety, but the mental worry. My belly issues are not really improving, but not really worse. Kind of glad I am seeing my doc tomorrow....but uneasy too because I am afraid that it's going to lead to more tests ...dreading it but not panicking....yet. Some moderate d/r and mental worry ( of the almost normal kind) and that's about it, but I am tired of all of it....kind of like Nova said, ....I just don't give a damn today....it is what it is and whatever will be will be. 

.....Hoping we all see some sunbreaks.. . coop

[[dr...]]

Coop-remember you're in complete control at the dr office.  Try not to what if. 

[[Co...]]

Thanks Drew....I needed that reminder. My plan is to pretty much insist on non-invasive tests (if they are suggested) before any scopes . Many conditions can be r/o by blood tests ....How are you doing Drew..  I hope you got at least a little break.  .  coop

[[Mi...]]

Thanks for the quick replies folks.  They all came in handy.  When you feel alone in a dream......ya know what I'm getting at......thank you.

[[pe...]]

No H. Pylori. I was so relieved. Then a couple hours ago my left hand got numb and crampy. I have the slightest discomfort on my left side. My brain jumps to heart attack. Is that ridiculous. I've been at both urgent care and the doctor this week due to the reflux. Both checked pulse, blood pressure, listened to heart. No one in my family, save for one uncle who has very poor eating habits, has ever had heart problems.

 

Is this just benzo brain health fear? Ugh.

Peace2

[[dr...]]

Right now I'm in my second break of the day!  Fingers crossed this is the beginning of the end of this wave. Go on stage soon so hope it lasts. 

 

 

Peace-health anxiety...coop and I see card carrying members...no president and vp of that club.

[[Co...]]

Hi Peace.. yep...it's w/d...welcome to bat crazy health fear. I have it constantly except in a window it disappears ( that alone is a pretty goid indication that it's w/d). I didn't get it either until about mid year 2...maybe a few months before. All the success stories say it goes away with healing.

.....So what was thier call on your belly pain?    Very glad to hear that you don't have H pylori.  Benniejets has a great thread for belly issues.  The Stomach Healing Place.  She has a lot of great info and is really grounded. 

....What are you doing for your belly?

  So ready to quit this gig.  Feel better MightyGirl.    coop

[[pe...]]

Ok. I'm not going to the ER. Just gonna pray. My belly seems to be reflux brought on by stress. I'm watching what I eat. Eating raw honey and lots of yogurt. I have some Dgl licorice and papaya enzymes from the co-op. and the pain is better.

This whole trip is so awful. The health fear is new and horrendous. I've never been like this! I've thought I had skin cancer, some horrible gut problem and now a heart attack/stroke within the span of two weeks. My poor husband has had it. When talking about my potential heart condition tonight he said, 'I can do benzo withdrawal, but all these new things are too much!'

 

I feel the same way!

Peace2

[[Co...]]

Right now I'm in my second break of the day!  Fingers crossed this is the beginning of the end of this wave. Go on stage soon so hope it lasts. 

 

 

Peace-health anxiety...coop and I see card carrying members...no president and vp of that club.

 

....Boy is that ever the truth....currently my reflux had transformed ( in my mind) into end stage pancreatic cancer.. Peace, it is imperative that you don't consult 'Dr. Google'...it's like throwing propane on a bonus fire.......coop

[[Co...]]

Drew, glad you are getting another break....hope you can relax and catch your breath after your performance..

[[je...]]

I'm had health anxiety all day, and Coop if this is what you deal with everyday Iam soooo sorry. This is a whole other level of hell.

[[Co...]]

Jenny....man, so sorry you got hit with it too. It is completely w/d but it does everything imaginable to make you believe that you are dying. If you didn't have it before benzo it will disappear when you heal. Don't google your sx. I am getting better at dealing with it, but there are days that there just isn't a strategy for it and the best I can do is wait it out.

  .  I hope this passes you by quickly Jenny.  Wish you were not getting pulled down in a wave .  We have been at this long enough.  ...coop

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... I felt very tired after dinner and slept for seven hours ... had a rough day yesterday ... spent most of it in a funk ... which is probably better than spending it in health fears ...

 

I think Dante was right ... there are 7 or 9 or however many circles of hell ... and some of us get to visit them on this journey ...

 

Many months ago we talked about the rollercoaster on steroids ... that image seems to be re-visiting of late ...

 

Hang in there, Folks ... this will get better ... it is getting better ...

 

Another day in paradise ... 

 

Hi Whoot ... good to hear your encouraging post ...

[[pe...]]

Thanks for helping me through last night. I'm still alive, so that's good. I just got to the point last night where I surrendered to God's will. People die. I'm one of them. It's going to happen someday. I can chase down every sensation or I can stay (relatively) calm and spend my days focusing on my children/family/friends and our happiness. So that when I do die there will be happy memories and not just terrified mommy memories. I'm under incredible stress right now. Tomorrow I give my dad's eulogy. Just gonna try to go low and slow. Guessing the tingling is carpel tunnel from holding my phone so much.

 

These health fears are amazing. I always thought- what is that all about?!? Now I guess I know. My fears use to be all about hurting myself or doing something 'crazy'. Those thoughts have burned off and seems the new fears are not about me losing control, but about having no control. Oh to be a mere mortal.

 

Hoping everyone is feeling a bit better or at least a bit more accepting of the places we find ourselves in.

 

Peace2

[[be...]]

Peace - So sorry. When we have to deal with life and death in recovery it's just hard.

Sending many prayers of comfort and healing your way.

[[Co...]]

Hi Nova...I am right there with you today...Started the day with a mini panic just moderate and it's passing but of course it's rooted in the ever present health fear.  Hoping things improve as the day unfolds.

. ..Yep.. somewhat of a rollercoaster, but nobody is having any fun...

....Nova , I hope it lets up for you. Did you get out for your ramble this morning?.  I am just getting ready to get my pup out.  It's already looking hot out and it's only 630. 

....onward we go. ....coop

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Nova, a level in hell..maybe..but none of us are deserving of this torture.

Hope you're symptoms lift for a better day. A cool rainy day here so I'm baking some banana bread.

 

Coop and Jenny- So sorry you both are struggling with the health fears..I know by much experience of what you both are going through...it really is mentally crippling....but know that it does leave in time.

I still have to keep reminding myself that the health fear is not real when I'm in a wave...the more I talk it down..more accepting it's not real.

I hope this burns out for both of you soon. Hugs.

 

 

Out of my hellacious three day wave...funny thing this wave was..thought it was going to win.

 

Going to spend the day messing around in the kitchen. Have some yummy fresh veggies from our farmers market that I need to process and freeze. Banana bread smells going on in the kitchen..it's a good thing.

 

All of you..have the best day you can and remember..healing happens.

[[Co...]]

Oh, MightyGirl.....you are in the thick of health fear.  It is torture and it is one of the darkest sides of w/d. You will get to a place where it comes and goes.

....I didn't know that you lost your father. I am so sorry Peace. It's no wonder you are having physical sx . Our minds and bodies produce all kinds of sensation during bereavement. How brave you are to give the eulogy. My heart is with you.

.....In my experience with health fear has also had me surrendering to the possibility of death many times. I actually find some relief from the looping fear at that point. It's like , "fine...maybe I will die ...I am going to stop fighting it".  It's when I stop fighting it that a little relief comes. My mantra becomes, " Benzo has me believing that I am dying from dome condition, fine, I am going to die while living my life"...It's a morbid place and unnatural because we go to the doctor and are declared ok and not having the condition we are convinced that will end us. ...It is especially unnatural for a young healthy person like you. It is also so stinking common in w/d.  And you are very vulnerable to it with the loss of your father.  It will not always be there. Your focus on wanting to be a present mommy for your boys will really help you through this.. 

....I will be thinking of you Peace.  Love to you.  coop

[[Co...]]

Beulah, ...sorry that you were sidelined for 3 days...This crap just should not be allowed....Glad you are feeling better.  Banana bread...wafting through the kitchen....sounds so wonderful...thank you for your kind words. I have been through so much health fear that I am kind of developing an immunity to it. It makes me crazy ....and scared, but I am for the most part I can at the very least go through the motions.

....Beulah.  it sounds like your day is opening up to a nice winfow.  Enjoy every minute.  You so deserve it.  coop

[[pe...]]

Thanks, Coop. My dad passed back in December and we decided to forego a funeral for a memorial celebration at our family cabin. That's happening tomorrow. 

 

Breathing through.