12-18 month support

[[No...]]

Hi Coop ... we just keep muddling through ... with whatever pattern seems useful in the moment ...

 

Don't let the fear stuff bite you too hard ... you have control over the medical stuff ... if they start playing mind games just remind them that you are having quite enough fun with your own right now and you don't need theirs, thank you very much ...

 

Hot and sticky here tonight ... I had a couple of hours of sleep after dinner ... was quite tired ... woke up feeling like crap ... that seems to have passed ... now I am trying to get my "I don't give a damn about anything" thoughts settled down ...

 

Seems odd ... after all that focus and attention of all the acute stuff, I seem a little lost with the not so dreadful stuff ... maybe I am starting to get a taste of living again ... who knows ...

[[No...]]

Serenity ... wishing you an enjoyable vacation ...

 

Be Well ...

[[Co...]]

Hi Coop ... we just keep muddling through ... with whatever pattern seems useful in the moment ...

 

Don't let the fear stuff bite you too hard ... you have control over the medical stuff ... if they start playing mind games just remind them that you are having quite enough fun with your own right now and you don't need theirs, thank you very much ...

 

Hot and sticky here tonight ... I had a couple of hours of sleep after dinner ... was quite tired ... woke up feeling like crap ... that seems to have passed ... now I am trying to get my "I don't give a damn about anything" thoughts settled down ...

 

Seems odd ... after all that focus and attention of all the acute stuff, I seem a little lost with the not so dreadful stuff ... maybe I am starting to get a taste of living again ... who knows ...

 

.....Nova,...yes I know what you are talking about.In March I was starting to feel very stable and I had that same feeling.. like a big project was winding down, not occupying all of my time and thought.and it felt somewhat disorienting.

....That "I don't give a damn" comes and goes here too.  I think we get so tired of sorting through the tools everyday and tinkering on one thing after another we finally hit a day where we really don't care if the wheels fall off...we could just as easily stand and watch them roll off....Your "bounce " will return....Thank you for the encouragement about going for the belly followup...I know I don't want to do a scope and I am prepared to stand my ground. I know for a fact that sometimes physicians order the imaging test that is easiest for them even though it might not be the least invasive. ...At least I have a list of questions and am feeling prepared to not be intimidated...

......Wishing you some bounce.....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... perhaps "not caring if the wheels fall off" is more accurate for me than "I don't give a damn" ... yep ... I like that better ...

 

Probably has something to do with fatigue and the length of this process ...

 

Newsflash ... strawberries seem to be causing a very mild allergic type response for me ... I have been nibbling them all week ... tonight I actually felt it happening ... what a drag ... I love strawberries ... the big, fat, juicy ones that come with their own zing when you have one ...

 

Oh well ... never had this happen before ... it will pass ...

 

Sitting here zing-less ...  :'(

[[je...]]

Nova-- I had an attack on my stomach today from blueberries, and I love blueberries so I know the feeling...

Drew-- you are not going insane and you don't need an AD. I was feeling the same way a few days ago, my thoughts were very weird, and I didn't feel like myself-- I got scared too, but like you said its just the beast playing tricks on our minds.

Coop- I think your tummy stuff is just w/d and it will clear up when its ready to. Try not to worry about the Dr, you don't have to do what they want you too-- your in control.

Beulah-- hope your feeling better tonight, sorry your having a bad day.

 

Well I made it to dinner, my stomach was in knots from the blueberries so I really did not want to go. I was anxious for quite a while and felt distracted in the conversations, like my mind was wondering off. Anyhow it was fine, but once I got home I was exhausted.. A simple 2 hour dinner with some conversation, and I feel like I ran a marathon, my cns feels fried. Hoping for a better day tomorrow, oh and my little boy has his b-day party this weekend, imagine what that's gonna do to me?!

[[je...]]

Hi everyone. I guess it's time for an update. I have not posted on here in so long! I am now a little over 25 months off. Today, I feel great! I am raising 2 kids on my own and running a business, so that says a lot.

 

I have recently recovered from a nasty 3 month wave that kicked my ass! I thought it was never going to end! It was so hard to accept that after being well for so long that I was now desperate again. When you are in a wave, your mind goes right back to despair and you are convinced that you will never get better. It's hard to think of anything positive when you feel like dying. I just spent 3 months with extreme vertigo/dizziness, terrible insomnia, dp/dr, blurred vision, fear, stomach problems, lots of nausea and lack of appetite, fatigue, and just a weird chemical feeling.

 

I'm happy to say that my mind is clear again. I had a difficult time working these last 3 months because in order to help my clients, I need to be strong. (I counsel people with anxiety and those in withdrawal). Thankfully, my clients understand exactly what it's like to get hit with a wave.

This post is from more chocolate, I think we all need to hear this today, I know I do.

 

 

For those of you who are far out and stuck in a wave, it will pass! For those of you who think you will be dizzy forever and never heal.....you will! You are all very strong and I know you can do it. If you hold on a little longer, I promise it will get better. 

[[je...]]

I copied the above post from more chocolate.. I thought we could all use the reminder today, especially me..

[[Co...]]

Nova,.. that's just so wrong....developing a strawberry allergy in the middle of summer... this stuff stinks. 

  ..Wishing you good sleep.. .coop

[[dr...]]

Thx for the post Jenny.

 

Strawberries...poor nova

 

I. In bed but I'm getting palps  Warm here too which ain't helping.  Hoping the sandman comes for me. Nite all

 

Another day in the books and I'm damn glad.

[[Co...]]

Jenny.  Thank you so much for that post from More Chocolate. I am hanging on to it tonight. I am in the boat with everyone else tonight. Yesterday I was 85%  normal...in a window...Today a wave moved in this evening...I have plans tomorrow with friends I haven't seen for an entire year. When I made the plans with them a few weeks ago it seemed like such a good idea. Tonight I am dreading it which kills me because I really love these people...Like you, I want to cancel and couch surf tomorrow. But who knows .  It could all change again tomorrow. That's what is so fatiguing about this...every day is a crap shoot...it could a great day ...or it could be a day from hell. 

....Jenny.....what the heck is going on with our bellies? ....Your good days are coming back...What a group of weary travelers we are on this thread tonight.  Hope your belly is better.  ..coop

[[No...]]

Good Morning ... slept a few more hours ... now, blah and yuk ... my favourite theme song these days ...

 

Drew ... hope you got some quiet sleep ...

 

Coop ... you will have a good day, I insist ...

 

Jenny ... I just had to laugh about the strawberries ... was easier than banging my head against the wall ... 

 

Have a good day, Folks ...

[[Co...]]

Nova...blah and yuk..  yep, those are the culprits.  They want to set up residence....sooner or later they get bored with us and move on..  .I try to make them unconfomfortable. ...

.....hope your day gets better as it goes along...coop

[[Co...]]

Drew... hope things go much better for you today.  Thinking of you....coop

[[je...]]

Coop,

I did the same thing with my dinner plans... These are friends we haven't seen in a long time.. I was feeling good that day and suggested we go out to dinner and catch up.. Then yesterday, I felt like why did I do this to myself? I hate feeling this way. I still feel like my cns is fried today too, it was too much stimulation or something.. I'm holding on to more chocolate's post today too, especially about the part when your in a wave and feeling like you'll never get better. Things can change at anytime...

[[dr...]]

Hi all...my brain feels a little better but sleep was very poor w heart palps and lots of sweating. I feel like my anxiety has shifted and landed  squarely onto my chest.  Hard to breathe and just feel weird in there.  I know it's not dangerous but still uncomfortable.  I'm also sweating a ton. Do others get this?  The benzo beast unscrewing me it's something else but I'm sure it's all related. Batting away from dr Google.

 

Off to work.  Hope everyone is improving.

[[wh...]]

Hi Susan thanks for starting this thread.  I know I've been a way for quite a while.  I've been checking in here and there but felt it was causing me anxiety and avoided BB.  I'm at 14 months now and feel pretty good most of the time.  Back at work and getting out more.

 

Symptoms are still there but manageable ...I wish they would totally go away.  Still left.....body pain, sleep issues ( so much better than waking up in terror every night tho) low stress tolerance, easily confused if I am stressed and still cry easily ....benzo fears still there but like an unwelcome memory....no more curling up into a ball and praying for God to make it stop. 

I had really bad eczema for a couple of months all over my back and arms which I've never had in the past so I think it might have been due to withdrawal.....

Otherwise so much better just like everyone has told me all along.  Never would have made it without the kindness of Coop, you, Nova, HH,  and I hope I'm not missing anyone.

So many more articles about this now.  Finally we can have our loved ones read articles explaining this.....I know they listened to me before but not sure they really believed doctors and Big Pharma could be so ignorant and sometimes cruel.  It's all true...this had to come out in the open eventually....so glad for the Internet and you guys.

 

[[dr...]]

Just saw some visual light streaks which means my aura will probably show up later.  When will I get a break on this wave?  I am sure all the stress brought it on.

[[dr...]]

sorry guys I'm jsut venting right now....I am so confused right now.  I know these symptoms all spike when my migraine stuff rears it's ugly head.  I seem to go through patterns where I get migraines very often and then I am good for a month or two.  I don't know which leads to which.  Is my migraines leading to my symptoms or are my benzo stuff leading to migraines?  my therapist seems to think it is the later.  All I know is I never had this many migraines until well into my taper and post jump.  If it is migraines I could take medication to prevent them although the meds are low level AD's. I would laothe to take any meds.  Just so confused and feeling lost.

[[mr...]]

Hi all...my brain feels a little better but sleep was very poor w heart palps and lots of sweating. I feel like my anxiety has shifted and landed  squarely onto my chest.  Hard to breathe and just feel weird in there.  I know it's not dangerous but still uncomfortable.  I'm also sweating a ton. Do others get this?  The benzo beast unscrewing me it's something else but I'm sure it's all related. Batting away from dr Google.

 

Off to work.  Hope everyone is improving.

 

Just hook up a salt water collection using my armpits some days, drew28

 

(Was that too much?!  )

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Hi all...my brain feels a little better but sleep was very poor w heart palps and lots of sweating. I feel like my anxiety has shifted and landed  squarely onto my chest.  Hard to breathe and just feel weird in there.  I know it's not dangerous but still uncomfortable.  I'm also sweating a ton. Do others get this?  The benzo beast unscrewing me it's something else but I'm sure it's all related. Batting away from dr Google.

 

Off to work.  Hope everyone is improving.

 

Just hook up a salt water collection using my armpits some days, drew28

 

(Was that too much?!  )

 

Mrs.

 

 

 

My anxiety diminished a bunch over the last few hours.  I just had a short meeting and nothing at all.    I really have to try and break this pattern with the migraines and I was thinking back to why I am getting so many more post taper.  Did I change anything?  You know the eternal search to try and figure this out.  I realized I took tryptophan almost my whole taper and also a few other supps such as theanine and gaba.  When i jumped i cut everything out...I was so sick of every pill wether a supplament, vitamin, or prescription.  You all know the feeling. 

 

I am going to slowly reintroduce the tryptophan as I don't remember it affecting me one way or the other.  I(t amy have been preventing or lessening the migraines and I think it is worth a shot.  It effects the serotonin level in the brain.  While i don't want to take anything this is really a bad situation and if I can lessen it or make it manageable it's a big difference in my life.  It is also non addictive and I didn't have a negative reaction to it.  I hope it stays that way.    

[[Gr...]]

Hi Susan thanks for starting this thread.  I know I've been a way for quite a while.  I've been checking in here and there but felt it was causing me anxiety and avoided BB.  I'm at 14 months now and feel pretty good most of the time.  Back at work and getting out more.

 

Symptoms are still there but manageable ...I wish they would totally go away.  Still left.....body pain, sleep issues ( so much better than waking up in terror every night tho) low stress tolerance, easily confused if I am stressed and still cry easily ....benzo fears still there but like an unwelcome memory....no more curling up into a ball and praying for God to make it stop. 

I had really bad eczema for a couple of months all over my back and arms which I've never had in the past so I think it might have been due to withdrawal.....

Otherwise so much better just like everyone has told me all along.  Never would have made it without the kindness of Coop, you, Nova, HH,  and I hope I'm not missing anyone.

So many more articles about this now.  Finally we can have our loved ones read articles explaining this.....I know they listened to me before but not sure they really believed doctors and Big Pharma could be so ignorant and sometimes cruel.  It's all true...this had to come out in the open eventually....so glad for the Internet and you guys.

 

Whoot, how nice to hear from you!  I was just thinking of you, wondering how you were.  I'm so glad to hear things are better.  You def sound much better.  I remember when people started telling me I sounded better.  Def a good sign.

 

I hope all is well.  Completely understand taking breaks from the forum.  The whole point of recovery is to do things that make us feel better, not worse.

Be well.

[[dr...]]

My window closed after two hours.  I was completely calm and functional.  Back to being a sweaty, anxious guy.  .  I'm meditating at gym now and have massage after.  Not much more I can do.

[[Te...]]

Sorry Drew...

 

Least yourhave spurts of calmness.....

 

This is so complicated ......no easy answer.....

 

Thinking of you!

 

TM

 

[[Mi...]]

Hi everyone. I guess it's time for an update. I have not posted on here in so long! I am now a little over 25 months off. Today, I feel great! I am raising 2 kids on my own and running a business, so that says a lot.

 

I have recently recovered from a nasty 3 month wave that kicked my ass! I thought it was never going to end! It was so hard to accept that after being well for so long that I was now desperate again. When you are in a wave, your mind goes right back to despair and you are convinced that you will never get better. It's hard to think of anything positive when you feel like dying. I just spent 3 months with extreme vertigo/dizziness, terrible insomnia, dp/dr, blurred vision, fear, stomach problems, lots of nausea and lack of appetite, fatigue, and just a weird chemical feeling.

 

I'm happy to say that my mind is clear again. I had a difficult time working these last 3 months because in order to help my clients, I need to be strong. (I counsel people with anxiety and those in withdrawal). Thankfully, my clients understand exactly what it's like to get hit with a wave.

This post is from more chocolate, I think we all need to hear this today, I know I do.

 

 

For those of you who are far out and stuck in a wave, it will pass! For those of you who think you will be dizzy forever and never heal.....you will! You are all very strong and I know you can do it. If you hold on a little longer, I promise it will get better. 

 

Hi Jenny, I also haven't posted here in a long time.  June 22nd I believe.  I read a few posts just now but not all.  I don't have the mental energy.

 

Glad to hear you are having an awesome day today.  Right now your message is slightly inspiring so I figured I'd quote you. Very happy to hear where you are at right now, congrats!

 

21+ months for me at this point.  I have felt like absolute SHIT for 3-4 weeks now.  Longest bad run in a row I can remember besides months 1-5.  The body fatigue, muscle fatigue, pain, strain, everything hurts so bad.  I have been taking 3 hour naps most days on accident.  I'll be sitting here and then I just pass out.  I still cut the lawn and go for walks here and there but it takes every ounce of mental pushing that I can muster.  For a week straight no matter what I eat turns to gas and crampy feelings.  I'm living in a complete dream that just will not let up.  I have literally had only a few hours of windows in the last 3 or so weeks.  I don't know how I can keep functioning like this, but I do.  I know it's just a passing phase but I hate this depressed feeling.  I'm always upbeat so I can't stand feeling like a drip ass who wants to mope around and sleep all the time.  I still say YES to everything but lately good times just seem to be around me, not part of me. 

 

What's throwing me an interesting curve is that the 3 of us are leaving for our big vacation in Virginia Beach early Saturday morning.  I pray that I snap out off this crap any second now and can enjoy this awesome vacation.  I have a feeling that even if I don't feel well when we get there the ocean will heal my mental state.  The ocean has always acted as my higher power for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I felt a spiritual connection to it.  Whenever I am near it, life is good.  Just something about it that assures me everything is going to be alright.

 

Sorry I haven't been around in so long.  No thoughts of taking drugs again don't you worry....just in a huge rut.

 

Ok, I'm going to go look for my brain now, take it easy everyone.  Maybe I'll check in from VA Beach in a few days. 

 

Love to all.

 

PS:  Drew, sorry you are also in a rut. 

[[dr...]]

Hi Mike.  Good to see you but sorry you're with me.  Unfortunately that post you quoted was not from Jenny.  That's a repost of more-chocolate.  Jenny is my sister-in-suffering right now.  I had a two hour window where I felt 80% so I got slightly recharged.  At least I was able to grab a breathe of air before going back under.  Lol.  Sort of sad more than funny...but hey gotta stay positive.  Right now treading water and I'm not complaining.