12-18 month support

[[dr...]]

Doubting is part of our syndrome. 

 

 

My DR kicked into high gear and head pressure in front is back visiting. .  I was getting all worked up about it and then I caught myself. I repeated this is my normal and while very uncomfortable it isn't dangerous.  The key is distraction.  If I dwell on it it bothers me.

 

Onward we go.  By the way-I just looked at the box...it's brawny paper towels.  On a conference call so might as well tackle my big project right now. 

[[be...]]

Dolphins here. Reached 1 year a few days ago.

 

Not sure what to say except that I am very tired. This whole thing has exhausted me.

 

Some say year 2. I can only hope that is the case. My prior posts reveal what Ive been experiencing.

 

The biggest challenge is wanting to do something that will help me heal. I am barely functioning and can only get a few tasks done a day.

 

There are days I just want to die. Somehow taken in my sleep. Its just to overwhelming.

 

I really cant remember what I was like prior to benzos. I just know that I was NOT like this. I did have some esteem, confidence issues along with some mild depression and anxiety. Some negative thoughts and wanting to feel whole and complete and alive. I had some insecurities.

 

I spent the last 15 years prior to benzos trying to find myself and feel comfortable inside of me. Wanting to feel more happy and joyous. Searching spiritually.

 

Anyway now this whole mess and no idea how to extricate myself.

 

I would LOVE TO HEAR from anyone who has had prior life experiences and challenges like me so I know I am not all alone.

 

I took benzos for anxiety originally.

 

Bruce

 

Dolphins -  Year one!!!!

 

It's ok, I know you're still struggling very hard in your recovery, but you're gonna be ok..really.

Year one is hard to get through..but you did it.

You say your biggest challenge is wanting to do something to help you heal..your doing it already..You get up everyday feeling like crap..making it through the long days the best you know how, and you're eating what and when you can, getting some sleep, coming here for support, accepting you are ill from the withdrawal...for now.

Year two is different..it may seem harder but it's the way healing goes.

The anxiety is a real challenge to many of us..so many here are hit hard with it everyday, I was hit very hard with it today..I'm still grinding my teeth and it's 9 pm...gonna be a long night.

Wish I could make you feel more comfortable in your recovery..but I think only time can do that.

Baby steps is key in this process..as you well know. Give yourself some credit..you deserve it.

 

It's a real challenge..but you're doing it everyday. Keep on healing.

 

 

 

[[dr...]]

Jenny-I think I know the thread you read. 

[[mr...]]

Awww Jenny....I empathize.  I have to be very careful what I click on. Remember, we don't know everyone's story.  There are many factors and as long as we stay off the drugs we have to improve.  Whatever the drugs brought on will get better. I type this for me as much as you.

 

I'm sort of in a weird place. I have memories of being more functional in my taper and earlier in my jump.  My father doesn't think so.  Hmmmm

 

This, EXACTLY :thumbsup:

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Green ... that kind of fatigue must be really lousy ... I have not had the pleasure of visiting that place ... yet ...

 

For now, when the congestion and head pressure is not too gross I can get out and about ... and I do, whether I want to or not ...

 

It is what it is until it isn't ... 

 

Nova, when you say gross...how many tissues?  paper towels are we talking about lol?

 

I remember you had a very, very bad cold/cough in the spring, I think, with a ton of congestion, and it lasted a long time.  When did that clear up?

 

I get congestion, but it's light, not very productive.

 

The fatigue lifted today.  I was out and about a little.  Hopefully will get in a walk tomorrow.

 

Nova, we have to think of glass half full.  If we go half empty, we're going to freak.

The fatigue might have been from overdoing it going to Atlanta, I'll never know.  nor do I care.  it was worth it.

 

Hope you're getting some decent rambles in.

P.S.  How are you handling walking in the heat of the day?  Heat seems to bother me a little.  It never used to.  Just wondering if that was a symptom.

[[Gr...]]

I just read something on here that I shouldn't have and now I'm freaking out a little.. Scared I'm never gonna get well.

 

I read something, too.  I went to this guy's most recent posts because I'm waiting for his success story.  And he's still having waves, waves and windows.  Well into his third year.  And we know about Doc Jen.

 

What did you read?

[[Gr...]]

Awww Jenny....I empathize.  I have to be very careful what I click on. Remember, we don't know everyone's story.  There are many factors and as long as we stay off the drugs we have to improve.  Whatever the drugs brought on will get better.  I type this for me as much as you.

 

I'm sort of in a weird place. I have memories of being more functional in my taper and earlier in my jump.  My father doesn't think so.  Hmmmm

 

Drew, people only started telling me how bad I was after the jump, only recently, lol.  I  think our memories of better function early on are mildly flawed

 

 

[[Gr...]]

This is lostdog's last post.  I think one year later than his success story.

 

Jenny and all read the first few lines....

 

 

 

I just wanted to let you all know I'm still doing great and you will too. Just hang in there.

 

I don't visit much anymore but I think of all of you and what you're going through. Please remember that part of the nervous system damage also causes feelings of hopelessness. Everyone thinks they are the exception and they will never get better.

 

Everyone I met on this site got better. Every single one.

 

I hadn't actually read all of the comments about my success story until now. I can't believe there are so many. I cannot thank you enough for such wonderful thoughts. I'm very happy it helps.

 

I'm sorry I haven't responded to each and every one of you, but I will try to answer all of them at once.

 

Yes, I had all the symptoms each of you describes. I don't think I saw one symptom I didn't have. Many of you talk about agoraphobia, rage, obsessive thinking, hopelessness, heart palpitations, intense fear, feelings of being dead, and feeling that your life will never be the same. I had all of those and they are now all gone. Even my blood pressure returned to normal and I don't take anything.

 

Almost everyone tries to figure out why they are not getting better and usually the discussion goes toward thyroid, or blood sugar, or some obscure reason they aren't getting better. It's not any of those. It's just nerve damage caused by benzos and it will get better on its own.

 

I also don't think drinking wine will extend any symptoms. I don't really have a taste for alcohol, but a glass of wine often helped take the edge off in the late afternoons when I usually got extreme anxiety. I think I only did that from about 12 to 16 months and then no longer had a need for it.

 

Coffee also helped clarify my foggy thinking in the mornings, but be really careful you don't have more than one or two because it can cause pretty extreme anxiety.

 

My best recommendation is walking and hot baths. Showers really stung my skin for a very long time and didn't help, but a hot bath often seemed to slow my brain when it was spinning out of control.

 

I don't think blood sugar is the problem so much as eating fats, proteins and carbs together. In combination, they can cause neurotransmitter precursors to flood across the blood/brain barrier and I think that's the main reason for panic attacks after eating. Try to eat different food types at separate times so you aren't overwhelmed with the resulting brain chemicals.

 

I don't think Tramadol affects the benzo withdrawal process. But I do know it can cause really severe depression if taken for long periods, especially crying. The withdrawal from that really sucks but the worst of it is usually over within a week. I quit Tramadol before I quit benzos so I can't really speak to quitting that in the middle of things. It will be bad, but I'm not sure they are connected.

 

Once again thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I will try to check back more often.

 

I love you all, hang in there. One day you will feel the sun on your face and be glad you are alive.

 

lost dog

 

I just read this last night.  Lostdog is my go-to when the fear sets in. Thanks for posting this.

[[dr...]]

I just read something on here that I shouldn't have and now I'm freaking out a little.. Scared I'm never gonna get well.

 

I read something, too.  I went to this guy's most recent posts because I'm waiting for his success story.  And he's still having waves, waves and windows.  Well into his third year.  And we know about Doc Jen.

 

What did you read?

 

There was a title thread saying "no windows at 39 months" or something that I saw.  I figured I could glance because I have had windows.  Then the horror show starts.  . Laughing at me not them.

 

Green-lost dog is one my go tos too.

 

Green again-yeah that only makes sense that we don't realize it.  I think how much it changed my behavior while on the drug and I had no clue til after. If I was in a recovery program I'd be writing lots of letters asking to forgive my behavior.    it's so hard for me to believe people but EVeRYONE I know says they see a huge difference.  A new level of calm which I don't feel.

[[Gr...]]

I just read something on here that I shouldn't have and now I'm freaking out a little.. Scared I'm never gonna get well.

 

I read something, too.  I went to this guy's most recent posts because I'm waiting for his success story.  And he's still having waves, waves and windows.  Well into his third year.  And we know about Doc Jen.

 

What did you read?

 

There was a title thread saying "no windows at 39 months" or something that I saw.  I figured I could glance because I have had windows.  Then the horror show starts.  . Laughing at me not them.

 

Green-lost dog is one my go tos too.

 

Green again-yeah that only makes sense that we don't realize it.  I think how much it changed my behavior while on the drug and I had no clue til after. If I was in a recovery program I'd be writing lots of letters asking to forgive my behavior.    it's so hard for me to believe people but EVeRYONE I know says they see a huge difference.  A new level of calm which I don't feel.

 

Drew, you've got me laughing out loud!  Writing letters.  OMG, I think I was mildly disinhibited.  I wasn't swinging from chandeliers!  well, only on Fridays.  only sometimes

I was a little kooky, but in a fun way. Apparently I managed at work, because someone def would have said something if I didn't. 

 

I don't think we were that bad.  I think we think we were that bad because we just don't remember a lot.  that's my problem, memory.  it seems like the last 10 years is some kind of brown-out, or gray-out, and the me I see in my memories is very disconnected from self, almost like it was someone else running around in my life.  I have no connection with the person I used to be.  That's what bothers me most, more than a few times I did the embarrassing stuff at the company Christmas party.  I'm hoping those memories come back.. Lostdog says they do!  Although ChinaDoll, remember her?, she said she never regained the memories from her time in tolerance.

 

Still, it wasn't me, I get it.  You're right, people have commented to me, too, about the change in my personality, it's that noticeable. 

 

That level of calm which you don't notice yet, that's still healing.  Other ppl notice we're getting  better even before we do.  Even here on the thread.

 

Get that Brawny unpacked.  Wait.  don't you have a sig. other to do the Brawny stuff?

[[Gr...]]

http://www.pozefloriplantegradina.com/uploads/1/3/3/4/13340905/2929009_orig.jpg

 

[move][/HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY TO GREEN!!  YAY!!!move]

[[pe...]]

Congratulations, Green!

[[be...]]

:thumbsup: Happy Anniversary  :thumbsup:

[[Se...]]

Green - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you!   

 

(Wedding anniversary?  My 20th will be this fall, too.  )

 

Edit:  OMG, major brain fart!    Do I feel dumb.  Wow... I hadn't realized the cog-fog was so heavy... still...    Congrats on being 20 months out, Green.

[[be...]]

Morning all,

My wave is still with me this morning but not as intense...for now. I'm tired of sitting and waiting for it to let up so I'm heading out to our local shopping mall. I feel the need to be around humans today..no interaction..just people watching and looking at pretty girly stuff 👗👛👠that the hubby hates..but tolerates .

Have the best day you can.

 

[[Se...]]

Good morning, folks.  Do any of you have auditory symptoms?  Those are the worst for me.  Tinnitus, hyperacusis, ear fullness, etc.  I swear, if they abated, I'd feel far better most days.  I often wonder even if I am actually more healed than I feel I am, because when I manage to not worry so damned much about my hearing, I feel considerably better.  Weird.

 

I get so freaked out when I read, even in Ashton manual, that they can often be one of the straggler symptoms and perhaps not ever leave.  I feel that I will never truly fully heal if this turns out to be the case for me.  :'(

[[Sk...]]

http://www.pozefloriplantegradina.com/uploads/1/3/3/4/13340905/2929009_orig.jpg

 

[move][/HAPPY 20TH ANNIVERSARY TO GREEN!!  YAY!!!move]

 

Sue, so glad for you.

 

I have to say you do quite well to send yourself good wishes, I most certainly can't be counted on to remember anything !

 

Great choice of pic.

 

THere is a major heat wave coming, it's going to be hard.

 

In the evening, I start getting anxious about many silly things at the same time, and I need to be reassurred. So, I pester Mr Sky to death with questions and requests of reassurance, but it's every evening.

 

So, this is something I still have, this evening anxiety, in which I am panicking and looking for things to worry about. On top of everything else, that is.

 

Today, my vibrations are very strong, right in my stomach. The heat is definitely not helping. I have a couple of lessons ahead of me.

 

How ironic, that I have to spend my time reassuring my students, when I am so frantic myself. But in a way, it's a lifesaver. Focusing on other people's problems is really helpful, it helps shift my focus from me, myself and I.

 

Sometimes, in the past months, my head would be spinning so badly, all my symptoms would be crazy, and I would just focus on that voice coming out of my heaphones and try to think of solutions for other people.  And fake, fake, fake.

 

But too much faking can be bad for you. I forget I am  sick and I can't compare myself to other people.

 

It's just that I really want to do so much  now, compared to the comatose years of benzos.

 

Hopefully, soon, I will never need to fake again. 

 

Sorry for just rambling on, I felt introspective.

 

I have not read all the posts, need to do some catching up.

 

Heal on, everybody.

[[No...]]

Green ... I am a fully registered and paid up member of the ant-heat league ... have never enjoyed heat ...

 

I walk early in the morning ... and when it is really hot and humid I am in by 930 or 10 ...

 

We usually don't get day after day of high temps ... so I really shouldn't complain too often ...

[[No...]]

Green ... congrats on 20 months ... we are getting there ... 

[[No...]]

Sky ... you are doing well ... hope the heat wave does not last too long ... 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... hope you enjoy your day ... good to get out and about ...

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... seem to be on this cycle of one day okay, one day lousy ... head pressure and anxiety today ... oh well, it is what it is until it isn't ... 

[[Sk...]]

Hi Folks ... seem to be on this cycle of one day okay, one day lousy ... head pressure and anxiety today ... oh well, it is what it is until it isn't ... 

 

Sorry to hear that, Nova .  Welcome to the club !

[[dr...]]

Hi all...wave back in full force...started getting the wonderful adrenaline rushes at 3am.  It escalated to that chemical anxiety stuff.  I had to get back to work and I don't think sitting at home is good for me.  I need the distraction.  I have adrenaline rushes that peter out by mid morning, chemical anxiety that is probably the result of the adrenaline which is starting to fade now, dizziness, head pain/pressure, and sweating.  I am not too worried as retionally I am not scared but my body is making me feel that way.

this is very intense but I managed to have a meeting with a fellow employee for a bigger meeting next week.  I feel good I accomplished that and while uncomfortable I was fine.

On the ride in I just kept repeating affirmations.  "These symptoms are the result of my body fixing itself" seems to be my fave right now.  It is so true.  Whatever my body is doing it is trying to readjust so I am just trying to let it do its' thing. I am sure I will come out of this wave with a higher baseline.  I really have adopted Baylissa's outlook on this whole thing.  I emailed her on a question and she is so kind.  She is going to give me a 15 minute call even though I offered to pay.  Will keep you posted. I get moments of panic but just breathing through it and realizing I am doing the best I can.

 

 

Green-Happy 20 Months!!!!

 

 

[[No...]]

Drew ... 

 

I take encouragement from your post ... we just keep doing the best we can ... our bodies are healing themselves ...