12-18 month support

[[dr...]]

Serenity, can you stop by and unpack my toilet paper box?  I did move it from the living room to my den. 

[[No...]]

Ah ... the old toilet paper in the den ... I hear things get really rolling there ... 

[[be...]]

Yes coop-I was thinking me and Beulah can share couch time. I think that's who is living on it this week.  My energy has been sucked out of me.  I really hope this is the end of the wave.  You know the feeling...shell shocked and a bit wary if it's really breaking.  I have a fear of a visual aura arriving today but I'm really trying not to because if it shows it'll show.  Nothing I can do about it. 

 

Going back to snooze.

 

TP not on my to do list.  I may get a massage but I don't think I even have the energy to leave the couch.  Nope....taking all your advice. 

 

Glad to see some improvement for nova and others.

 

Serenity-I have the exhausted spouse syndrome too.

 

Yep, on the couch, but I'm sitting not laying.

[[No...]]

Beulah ... hope you are having a decent day ... I seem to have caught this every other day thingie ... lousy yesterday, not too bad today ...

[[Gr...]]

GreenIce,

 

I tried the tryptophan for 3 nights. First night it put me to sleep, but only for 2 hrs, then I was up the rest of the night. Second night it did nothing, didn't even feel it.  3rd night again no effect.  Last night I took a  2 Unisom. I felt a little sleepy, then after 2 hrs I became very agitated. So, can't take Unisom either. Today I slept almost all day from 9 to 5. Just up long enough to walk my little doggy once. I had to force myself to wake up at 5, again to feed my dog.  I even went back to sleep 6 to 7.

I guess my body was trying to make up for all the loss sleep the last few days. My brain is just really screwed up. Can't sleep at night, but I sleep pretty well in the day time.

 

I trying just Melitonin to see if it helps. Tonight I'm up again, but expected it since I slept all day.

 

Sounds like you're sleeping, but it doesn't feel restful. Is that because of the Unisom? At least the unisome works for you. I hope when we're healed our sleeping will go back to normal. Although, my sleep wasn't good before benzo said, so it may not. 

 

Thanks for your comments on the age and healing thing. I appreciate your thoughts.

 

Korbe, like any other supp or otc we take, the unisom helped a little, for a little while, but I really think I'm just in the next phase of healing and/or symptoms. 

 

I relate to you sleeping excessively, that's where I'm at right now.  I take the unisom at night because it doesn't give me side effects and I have stress at bedtime, I just can't handle those wide awake nights until dawn.  So even if it only gets me to drop off, I want it for that.

 

Right now I'm back to my baseline of going up to bed at about 2 a.m.  I take the Vit. C to reduce cortisol rushes.  that I truly believe works.  and I'm falling asleep by 3-4 and it's crazy deep sleep, sometimes I even remember dreams, and that's new, that I would say is def'ly healing.  and I'm waking up late, 12-1 p.m., totally exhausted, but my mood is very good, not depressed, just a little apathetic.  I haven't moved off this couch for whole days at a time since I came home from Atlanta, on 7/6.  I am utterly, profoundly exhausted.  My purse is too heavy to lift.

 

This kind of fatigue used to scare the $hit out of me, it was my scariest symptom, because it felt like forever.  But I really  believe this is healing.  I've read so many success stories that say exhaustion and fatigue is the last to go.  So I think we're in the right place.

However, I think our sleep issues may take more time to completely resolve, I've heard that, too, past the time we consider ourselves healed.

 

Hang on, this gets better, you're healing.

[[Gr...]]

Good morning everyone....knocking at your doors....for some suggestions

This past month been experiencing right hip and back pain.....even throbs in upper thigh....woke up this morning at 4:00 with squeezing right hip pain....it hurts to walk or lay down....it's hard to find a comfortable position....tried two baths...takes some of the worst pain away for a little bit....

Does anyone else have problems with hip....I had X-ray in March....pcp thought it was my IT band

But the pain has come back  .....bad....

I wish I could go back and do a slow taper....I try not to dwell on this but  I worry Ive done terrible damage with only a 7 week taper....ugh

Hugs TM

 

Texas mama, hope somebody can get back to you on this one.

 

I had back pain, very intense back pain. Then, suddenly it went away.

 

Hope you get some more practical suggestions.

 

It's benzo related, you have not done any more damage to yourself, than anyone else here who has taken benzos.

 

Yes, Texas Mama, I can only repeat what Sky said, I have had horrific pain, and it went away.  Mine was in the tailbone, I couldn't even sit down.  It would appear and disappear, so I knew it was a symptom, and eventually it disappeared.  I've had very  bad hip pain, but it has passed.

Recently I woke up with my back in spasm and tried taking deep breaths and breathing into it, like a yoga practice. 

 

I hope you feel better soon.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Folks ... things are a little quieter for me today ... had a good walk ... too warm again this afternoon to go out so back to hanging out with the ac ...

 

 

Glad to hear you had your walk!  Yes, the heat is bothering me a little, I'm avoiding the sun like a vampire!

[[Gr...]]

For those who have family members who " don't want to hear it"..  We do. ...Get on here for as much support as you need. Support is essential to healing. I have worn out everyone on this thread with all of my wailing, knashing of teeth, crying, panicking, long winded stories, etc etc. I have never been judged or had a negative response....always support beyond the definition of support. Nova stayed up all night with me a couple of times through panic. Green pmed me for days in a row through months 16-18....Our family members suffer the w/d too....they have lost the person they knew.  Having said that, lack of compassion and rejection hurt. I am in a twisted way 'fortunate' that I am divorced and my children are grown so I live alone and nobody is too burdened with all of this. My daughter is huge support and understands a lot, but I try not to be  ' sickie' when she is with me.. I try to do fun things with her when I can...

.....I try to respond to posts and support where I can. Lately I have been spotty with replies as my daughter is getting married in 2 weeks and this reflux thing has me a little discouraged..  This is an amazing group of buddies there is always support, encouragement, hope, humor and wisdom here for the asking. When some are down or taking a break others man the nickel advice stand. ....Please don't suffer in isolation.... .coop

 

Coop, for every time you have wailed or had some gnashing of the teeth, you've supported another person on this thread 10x.  You are a rock. (withdrawal does that to us, doesn't it?)

 

Don't sweat the reflux, it's going to pass like everything else.  You're going to have a beautiful day watching your daughter get married!  And then we're going to start seeing some success stories around here! 

Have a good day.

[[Gr...]]

Okay, I've caught up.  All is well on our little thread, our home away from home

 

Serenity, no matter whether the people in our lives are supportive or not that supportive, nobody, but nobody, understands what you're going through. I've been through that trying to get someone to understand, and they can't, couldn't if they wanted to.  there are some with enough empathy to understand we're suffering, even if they don't understand it, but those peeps are few and far between.  As others have said, bring your pain and confusion here, bring your sadness, your fear, your desperation, your triumphs in recovery.  that's why we're here.  And you will get better in time.

 

Drew, if all I had to unpack was a box of TP, I'd be one lighthearted gal!  I would have no idea what to worry about?  Gimme that box of TP, I'll show you what to do with it!

Nova, dinner sounds good.

 

And, Sky, you sound good.

 

and now, since I'm the one who's been on the couch for six days, up and out!  to infinity and beyond!  maybe just the grocery store. but i'm going, lol

 

[[Se...]]

Serenity, can you stop by and unpack my toilet paper box?  I did move it from the living room to my den. 

 

Your den?  Not gonna be much help to you in there now, is it, drew?   

 

Green, I agree with you; I remember noting months ago that so many of the success stories cited folks having overwhelming fatigue issues just before they healed for good... so I think it's an excellent sign for you that you can't even lift your purse because you're so utterly exhausted!  I think your healing is imminent! 

[[be...]]

Beulah ... hope you are having a decent day ... I seem to have caught this every other day thingie ... lousy yesterday, not too bad today ...

 

Not so good today...I was better yesterday. That's the way my healing was going..good day ..bad day...now it's just all over the place.

I get so spoiled in windows...then I have to dance around with the beast.

 

Hang in there Nova..you never know when you will have a few good days in a row.

 

This too..shall pass.

[[je...]]

I just read something on here that I shouldn't have and now I'm freaking out a little.. Scared I'm never gonna get well.

[[dr...]]

Awww Jenny....I empathize.  I have to be very careful what I click on. Remember, we don't know everyone's story.  There are many factors and as long as we stay off the drugs we have to improve.  Whatever the drugs brought on will get better.  I type this for me as much as you.

 

I'm sort of in a weird place. I have memories of being more functional in my taper and earlier in my jump.  My father doesn't think so.  Hmmmm

[[dr...]]

This is lostdog's last post.  I think one year later than his success story.

 

Jenny and all read the first few lines....

 

 

 

I just wanted to let you all know I'm still doing great and you will too. Just hang in there.

 

I don't visit much anymore but I think of all of you and what you're going through. Please remember that part of the nervous system damage also causes feelings of hopelessness. Everyone thinks they are the exception and they will never get better.

 

Everyone I met on this site got better. Every single one.

 

I hadn't actually read all of the comments about my success story until now. I can't believe there are so many. I cannot thank you enough for such wonderful thoughts. I'm very happy it helps.

 

I'm sorry I haven't responded to each and every one of you, but I will try to answer all of them at once.

 

Yes, I had all the symptoms each of you describes. I don't think I saw one symptom I didn't have. Many of you talk about agoraphobia, rage, obsessive thinking, hopelessness, heart palpitations, intense fear, feelings of being dead, and feeling that your life will never be the same. I had all of those and they are now all gone. Even my blood pressure returned to normal and I don't take anything.

 

Almost everyone tries to figure out why they are not getting better and usually the discussion goes toward thyroid, or blood sugar, or some obscure reason they aren't getting better. It's not any of those. It's just nerve damage caused by benzos and it will get better on its own.

 

I also don't think drinking wine will extend any symptoms. I don't really have a taste for alcohol, but a glass of wine often helped take the edge off in the late afternoons when I usually got extreme anxiety. I think I only did that from about 12 to 16 months and then no longer had a need for it.

 

Coffee also helped clarify my foggy thinking in the mornings, but be really careful you don't have more than one or two because it can cause pretty extreme anxiety.

 

My best recommendation is walking and hot baths. Showers really stung my skin for a very long time and didn't help, but a hot bath often seemed to slow my brain when it was spinning out of control.

 

I don't think blood sugar is the problem so much as eating fats, proteins and carbs together. In combination, they can cause neurotransmitter precursors to flood across the blood/brain barrier and I think that's the main reason for panic attacks after eating. Try to eat different food types at separate times so you aren't overwhelmed with the resulting brain chemicals.

 

I don't think Tramadol affects the benzo withdrawal process. But I do know it can cause really severe depression if taken for long periods, especially crying. The withdrawal from that really sucks but the worst of it is usually over within a week. I quit Tramadol before I quit benzos so I can't really speak to quitting that in the middle of things. It will be bad, but I'm not sure they are connected.

 

Once again thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I will try to check back more often.

 

I love you all, hang in there. One day you will feel the sun on your face and be glad you are alive.

 

lost dog

[[No...]]

Green ... that kind of fatigue must be really lousy ... I have not had the pleasure of visiting that place ... yet ...

 

For now, when the congestion and head pressure is not too gross I can get out and about ... and I do, whether I want to or not ...

 

It is what it is until it isn't ... 

[[No...]]

Jenny ... there are no truths, only stories ... and ... we are all blessedly unique ... one size does not fit all ...

 

We are getting there ... as best we can ... 

[[No...]]

Hey Drew ... if you have something smallish and round ... and you set up the toilet paper just so ... you could have a miniature bowling alley in your den ... a nice quiet distraction ... 

[[No...]]

Beulah ... those good days in a row are a comin' ... for all of us ...

 

Yep ... every time I think I see a pattern somebody changes the channel ...

 

Hope you have a good evening ...

 

If you can handle eggs, that spaghetti frittata was really good ... basically a low slung spaghetti quiche ... 

[[No...]]

Drew ... thanks again for the reminder ... we can never here this too many times ... 

[[Se...]]

Jenny ... there are no truths, only stories ... and ... we are all blessedly unique ... one size does not fit all ...

 

We are getting there ... as best we can ... 

 

The only truth I want to believe in is the one I keep trying to repeat to myself, and that is that the body wants to be well.  It knows how to be well.  Call that natural power whatever you want, but it can't be denied.  The body works diligently to be in balance because it's evolved for that purpose... self-healing and health.  People heal themselves all the time.  The medical people just don't acknowledge and/or advertise it, for a number of reasons probably, but that's their limitation, not mine.  I have to allow my body all the time it needs, be good to it, stay away from harmful agents, and trust it will be well again.  My inner wisdom tells me this is the truth; the truth is just masked by really suck-bomb w/d symptoms much of the time.

[[Fi...]]

Serenity--this resonates with me.  I used to be a person who always thought I needed doctors and meds and surgeries to fix me.  I had no faith in the idea of the body wanting to heal itself. That's one of the great parts about having come through this for me--I now have confidence in my own brain and my own body.  I am well, and I got there by avoiding doctors. By succumbing to the quick fix of Xanax for sleep, I came to think of myself as a person who needed a tab in the middle of the night to go back to sleep.  Now I've healed myself and I get in bed, conk out and don't wake up until morning.  I can't wait to be reporting this to my docs!

[[Se...]]

Yeah, FJ.  Funny, eh?  The only way to get well in this gig is to stay far away from doctors and their assortment of "medicine" and advice. 

 

It's antithetical to what most of us in the western world have been taught since we were little.

[[be...]]

I just read something on here that I shouldn't have and now I'm freaking out a little.. Scared I'm never gonna get well.

 

Ahh Jenny, don't go there...please. I've done the same thing and then my brain takes off into darkness and despair. We read stories to compare to our own...but some we shouldn't because of the fear and sensitivity. You had a long stretch of healing and you now know what it's like to be on the other side of feeling healed...your gonna get back there permanently.

 

Ok young lady, I am now grounding you to this this thread only..no straying...I better not catch you trying to sneak off either. Now go think positive. Hugs.

[[do...]]

Dolphins here. Reached 1 year a few days ago.

 

Not sure what to say except that I am very tired. This whole thing has exhausted me.

 

Some say year 2. I can only hope that is the case. My prior posts reveal what Ive been experiencing.

 

The biggest challenge is wanting to do something that will help me heal. I am barely functioning and can only get a few tasks done a day.

 

There are days I just want to die. Somehow taken in my sleep. Its just to overwhelming.

 

I really cant remember what I was like prior to benzos. I just know that I was NOT like this. I did have some esteem, confidence issues along with some mild depression and anxiety. Some negative thoughts and wanting to feel whole and complete and alive. I had some insecurities.

 

I spent the last 15 years prior to benzos trying to find myself and feel comfortable inside of me. Wanting to feel more happy and joyous. Searching spiritually.

 

Anyway now this whole mess and no idea how to extricate myself.

 

I would LOVE TO HEAR from anyone who has had prior life experiences and challenges like me so I know I am not all alone.

 

I took benzos for anxiety originally.

 

Bruce

[[je...]]

Thanks everyone! I've calmed down a bit... Serenity, yes I think the body has the amazing ability to heal, I just have to trust in the process.. Yet again I keep doubting.. Beulah, I'm sticking to our thread tonight