12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Drew, I am glad to hear that a migraine did not land on you. You sound better than you did last night.  I really hope this wave is going to roll out now..  Every time you describe your migraine waves and how you get through them I get schooled in how to hang onto courage. You have been through really tough waves Drew and you navigate them with iron determination... so glad you are on the thread with us....coop

[[dr...]]

thx coop..It means a lot but I am just like all of you.  I was doing all I could to just pass the time and not go to the ER. Why tegh ER I ahve no idea...I have had this so manyu times.  I know what it is but the beast scares us...especially as the night goes on.  .I think my migraine hit  just without the aura..I had a terrible headache for a few hours during the night    That is why I am jumping out of my skin with chemical feel anxiety now.  This is defintiely not normal anxiety.  I have a faint outline of how this all goes but it is really trying when they are repetitive.  I really think the migraines are due to withdrawal and I was going into a wave regardless.  the migraine stuff is a bonus.     

[[be...]]

Hey Beulah....how are you doing?....How is your reflux...are you eating real food today or is it the 101 varieties of mashed potatoes?...Do you get breaks from it in which you dare to eat actual food? ..  Mine gets somewhat better and I get over confident and eat something like half a turkey sandwhich and a tiny bowl of ice cream and a few hours later my belly hurts. I guess until it has more time and the doctor r/o hiatal hernia I should just stick with the smoothies and mashed potatoes..

....I hope you are in a good space today.. .. coop

 

Hey Coop, yes I'm eating real food everyday. I'm just keeping it as bland as possible. I still have to rotate between Tums or another antacid a couple of times a week. If I keep food on my belly and not let it get empty it seems to help. To much liquid and not enough food on my stomach will get the acid started. I'm back to eating six small meals throughout the day.

This is a sample of the way I'm eating.

Breakfast- English muffin with almond butter

Two hours later-  a boiled egg

Lunch- half a chicken breast

two hours later- a baked potato

Dinner- creamed chicken over rice-mixed veggies

Two hours later-  guacamole with pita chips - I make mine with a little ranch to keep down acid.

Before bed I always have a small bowl of cereal or yogurt.

This seems to be working for me. I add in some mashed potatoes or a smoothie when needed.

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Hi guys,

I took yesterday off so I need to catch up on all the posts still. I'm really not in a great place.. I've been having very weird thoughts and just don't " feel right "in my head if that makes sense. Tons of intrusive thoughts, a little anxiety, my head and sinuses are FILLED with pressure, lightheaded, can't breathe at all. Im so disappointed that I'm still dealing with all this. I have so many thoughts that something is really wrong with me and this can't be w/d but I know it is.. Crazy that a pill can make u sick for this long.

 

Jenny, sorry i'm a day late with this response.  Yes, my sinuses are horrible, feels like a bad sinus cold/infection, which I don't have.  stuffed up.  headachy.  very lightheaded +++++

 

hope you feel better quick.  hope waves will start getting shorter for us.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I wanted to clarify my questions about age.  I'm 70 yrs old and it seems like a lot of you are in your 60's, so I was wondering if age makes a difference in how long it takes to heal.  I know with surgery or broken bones doctors say it takes longer to heal if you're older.  Just wondering if the same rule applies to brains trying to heal.  I think someone in their 20's or 30's will heal faster than someone in their 6o's. 

 

I know we'll all heal eventually and we are all different, but I still think age makes a difference.

 

Korbe, sometimes I think exactly that, that age plays a role.  but, really, my most debilitating symptoms happened when I was in my early forties, in tolerance.  I think I was physically stronger, more resilient, where I could drag myself out of bed and get to work somehow.  I think it has to do more with how long we were on them.  A lot of us older ones have been on the pills longer, have a longer history, might have kindled along the way.  I think the biggest predictor of a bad time is experiencing tolerance.

 

But there's no rhyme or reason.  for every rule we can make, there are exceptions.  people who took 'em long term, had horrible acute, sometimes heal relatively early.  I suspect it has to do with our wiring, how susceptible we are.  and each time is different.  Look at Beulah, two years, mostly mental symptoms.  this go round she's got a lot of physical.  there is just no way to figure this out.

 

I was thinking of you today.  Now I'm sleeping wild and wooly.  sheets and comforters kicked to hell, dreaming.  but so very tired, even after so much sleep, I can barely keep my eyes open.  crazy?  Nobody could make this up.

Hope you're getting some sleep.  How are you making out with the tryptophan?

[[Gr...]]

Good Morning ... had a quiet evening ... woke up after a couple of hours sleep with rolling anxiety and congestion ... stuffed up head and ears ... dozed off and on for a couple more hours ... just feel thick and sloggy this morning ...

 

Interesting that I did not respond to the anxiety ... didn't even bother to do some tea ... round and round we go ...

 

Hope we all can have a quiet day ... 

 

Nova, so that makes three, you, me, and Jenny, stuffy with congestion.  And my ears are popping, then back to plugged up.  I know this is benzo related, even though it feels like a summer sinus cold.

 

Well, you all have anxiety, and I barely have a pulse, lol.  seriously, very, very tired, since last week, I can barely get off the couch. 

 

hanging in there,  hope you are, too.  this really can't go on forever?

[[Gr...]]

'Tis a lousy Monday for me ... the head and ear pressure and my guts are acting up ... went for a walk and legs felt like anchors ... and some boatiness ...

 

Oh well ... discouragement aside, just another day in paradise ... 

 

Nova, I'm in the same BOAT, lol.  no walking.  anchors sitting on the bottom. :'(

[[Gr...]]

Korbe, I am 65....I have mixed feelings about the age debate. Piano Girl  is somewhere in our age zone and she healed at 17 months. And someone mentioned Galea who at age 70 healed somewhere around 2 years. I do think that in some ways our age works in our favor for reasons mentioned, life experience hones our patience and expectations. For me, the thing about age that is complicating things for me is some of the physical glitches that come with age....my doctor tells me that the refux I am battling usually hits people who are 50 and over. Fatigue, sore joints and muscles , sleep issues...these things have tripped up my progress, but I don't really feel more hindered than others on the board. For the most part I see people making great improvements as we approach the 24 month mark...great improvements with shorter waves of misery and periods of greater sunbreaks. I feel right there with everyone in that pattern. ...We are going to heal completely too....and despite wavy days we are getting closer...Be proud that you are taking this on at age 70.....I am following and your posts encourage me. ....coop

Korbe,

 

Let me just add to Coop's post.  I agree, we are all getting so much better now as we get closer to 24 months.  Your opinion will change as soon as you feel better.  I am extremely bleak while I'm suffering, and I think you've been having a very tough time.

 

Then there's also the individual's subjective response to suffering.  Some suffer horrifically and barely complain, like you.  Your symptoms are terrible.  and some people carry on terribly about not much at all. not much by comparison, I mean.  Baylissa speaks about this in her book.  And then another thing, healing has no relation to level of suffering.  people can suffer to the nth degree and heal faster than someone who has light symptoms.  In short, this whole thing is too subjective to create order.

 

 

[[Gr...]]

Greetings to all.  Now I am officially a 12-monther.  Hard to believe because I feel far worse now than I did even six months ago.  Crazy stuff, this.  Not feeling too conversational, but wanted to check in, I guess, for what it's worth.  Do I sound too negative?  I think I must, but I am in such a dark place.  Seems no amount of positive self-talk, affirmations, walking, meditating or other stuff, can touch this space I'm in.  And I get p*ssed off at all that positive stuff every once in a while; it almost makes me angry, truth be told, because it seems I can't buy into it and sustain it.  Not always, of course.  Just when things are this bad.  Hard to explain.  Has anyone else felt so beaten down & conquered, where it's nearly impossible to do anything but just exist... for weeks/months on end, in the face of hopelessness?

 

I guess my brain & CNS just need to heal some more (?)

 

It's hot & muggy here, so will wait until near-dusk before walking today, if I do walk.  I'm not (have never really been) a huge fan of summer and hot temps.  I breathe a sigh of relief when fall comes.

 

Hope you all can find some nuggets of relief and calm today.  Everyone, despite the frequent setbacks, seems to be doing pretty well and holding up ok in this endurance test.  Warmest, healing thoughts to all here.  I sincerely hope none of us feels the need to come to this board in a year's time (or less.)

 

Serenity 

 

Serenity,

 

Congrats on 1 year!  I had one of my worst waves at one year, I started feeling a lot better at 12.5, two weeks into it.  And then things were good for a while.

 

These bad waves come at milestones like 6 months, 12 months.  I read that somewhere and it's been true for me.

 

One day at a time, and hopefully you'll be feeling better soon enough. 

[[No...]]

Green ... this head/ear stuff is gross ... I think if my ears popped me arse might fall off ...

 

And dragging my carcass through the day ... I heard somewhere this gets better ... maybe on the back of a cracker jack box ...

 

[[Co...]]

Hey Beulah....how are you doing?....How is your reflux...are you eating real food today or is it the 101 varieties of mashed potatoes?...Do you get breaks from it in which you dare to eat actual food? ..  Mine gets somewhat better and I get over confident and eat something like half a turkey sandwhich and a tiny bowl of ice cream and a few hours later my belly hurts. I guess until it has more time and the doctor r/o hiatal hernia I should just stick with the smoothies and mashed potatoes..

....I hope you are in a good space today.. .. coop

 

Hey Coop, yes I'm eating real food everyday. I'm just keeping it as bland as possible. I still have to rotate between Tums or another antacid a couple of times a week. If I keep food on my belly and not let it get empty it seems to help. To much liquid and not enough food on my stomach will get the acid started. I'm back to eating six small meals throughout the day.

This is a sample of the way I'm eating.

Breakfast- English muffin with almond butter

Two hours later-  a boiled egg

Lunch- half a chicken breast

two hours later- a baked potato

Dinner- creamed chicken over rice-mixed veggies

Two hours later-  guacamole with pita chips - I make mine with a little ranch to keep down acid.

Before bed I always have a small bowl of cereal or yogurt.

This seems to be working for me. I add in some mashed potatoes or a smoothie when needed.

 

...thanks Beulah....I am noticing the same thing, if I don't eat something real it gets worse. And I am beginning to believe the 2 hour thing and the don't eat while reclining thing...are you still getting the cough from time to time? ...Beulah, I know this sounds silly, but I am seeing improvement through chewing gum throughout the day.  Thank you for the sample meal quantities.  I so do not want a scope I am willing to do whatever it takes to get this under control. I think the Braggs apple cider vinegar in warm water with a little honey is also helping I found a ton of reflux safe food advice on Pintrest too. I have completely quit the Gaviscon and don't want a ppi and in many ways feel better..  ...thanks so much Beulah...

[[Co...]]

Green and Nova. . Make room on the couch. I am dragging today too...can not get motivated and have physical fatigue...the mini panic I had this morning passed quickly but left me wrung out.  It's raining here so a good day for reading and movies.  Slow and low for us today.  Tomorrow will be better..  coop

[[Gr...]]

Hi Sky ... hope you are doing okay ... is the heat still high in your neighbourhood? ...

 

Hot, almost back to 104 degrees F !

 

My bad day, good day pattern is holding and is quite consistent, I have to say.

 

Today, my palps are better, but yesterday it was really bad. I am rushing off to the library to get some fresh air from their AC ! 

 

Sky!  I am so horrified to hear the temperature.  How are you handling it?  I usually do okay with heat but find myself feeling the need to pass out if I go out in the sun.  lately, anyway.  this past week.

 

You need some thunderstorms.

[[dr...]]

Okay..I ahve made it almost four hours of work today.  When I try to speak I can't catch my breath. what the heck?  I may pack it in soon as I just wnated to make sure I came in so I don't feel like the beast beats me.  sort of stupid as this is an "all bets are off" day. 

[[Gr...]]

Peace ... this sounds a little more intense than "normal" benzo belly ... you may want to get it checked out ...

 

Also ... all the individual symptoms can be "normal" benzo belly ... but such an intense combination could be a sign of something else going on ...

 

 

Peace, Nova said exactly what I was thinking.  Individually, I've had all of those sx in withdrawal.  but together it could be something else. maybe get it checked out if it doesn't go away.

[[Gr...]]

Mommy- I remember you a while back talking about the horrible hot flashes..and now they're back..yuk!!!!  Wish I could give you some advice about them but I really just suffered through that phase and did nothing. I had hot and cold sweats with panic on many nights in my first year off..don't know if it was hormonal or withdrawal..or both...I would wake with depression and anxiety.

I'm happy to report those nights are gone..they just gradually lifted ..and I hope gone for good.

Hoping relief soon comes your way.

 

Mommy, ditto what Beulah said.  I've had those on and off all along.  recently I've been taking the Vitamin C, which helps I think with high cortisol levels, but I'm getting soaking sweats out of nowhere.  I really think it's normal healing, we all get it, well into the second year, and while it's very uncomfortable it will pass and you will be fine.  Hope this helps a little.

[[Gr...]]

Green ... this head/ear stuff is gross ... I think if my ears popped me arse might fall off ...

 

And dragging my carcass through the day ... I heard somewhere this gets better ... maybe on the back of a cracker jack box ...

 

 

Nova, when those ears pop and your arse falls off, make sure you bring it back here and the girls will sew it back on for you

[[Sk...]]

Hi Sky ... hope you are doing okay ... is the heat still high in your neighbourhood? ...

 

Hot, almost back to 104 degrees F !

 

My bad day, good day pattern is holding and is quite consistent, I have to say.

 

Today, my palps are better, but yesterday it was really bad. I am rushing off to the library to get some fresh air from their AC ! 

 

Sky!  I am so horrified to hear the temperature.  How are you handling it?  I usually do okay with heat but find myself feeling the need to pass out if I go out in the sun.  lately, anyway.  this past week.

 

You need some thunderstorms.

 

I won't be getting any for a while, apparently ! 

 

It's highly unusual even for Italy. A week ago, it provoked a small tornado.

 

I am managing for now. I spent the afternoon at the library but it's the evenings that get me. It builds up, you see and in the evenings, there is nowhere to hide for AC. At least not for free.

 

Don't do Wd on a shoestring !

[[Gr...]]

Green and Nova. . Make room on the couch. I am dragging today too...can not get motivated and have physical fatigue...the mini panic I had this morning passed quickly but left me wrung out.  It's raining here so a good day for reading and movies.  Slow and low for us today.  Tomorrow will be better..  coop

 

Coop, I'm literally on the couch until early evening.  Just want to sleep.  Ever since the day I got back from Atlanta.  I get some energy and go out a little in the early evening, when I can do a few things.  The only reason I'm not freaking out is I remember Lostdog saying at the end all he wanted to do was sleep.  So I'm thinking (possibly erroneously?) that maybe we're close to the end?

I don't care if I'm delusional, I need my delusions, lol!  Feel better, you guys.

 

Also, significant heat intolerance, and POTS.  Every time  I get up I want to lie down again.  This gets better later in the day.  This is my old CFS stuff.  I actually ordered Corvalon, which is D-Ribose, which worked very well for fatigue when I was in tolerance and thought I had CFS.  But I'm afraid to take anything this close to healing.  I'm taking the Unisom.  don't want to start taking a whole bunch of crap.

 

I was taking 1 Advil, and I stopped after Korbe's warning post.

 

Oh, a crazy new symptom.  I've been having muscle cramps in my feet, if I flex my foot even a little it goes into a spasm, really.  no biggie, it passes.  so last night, like 4 a.m. I wake up out of a dead sleep, fly out of bed, start pacing with the worse whole back muscle spasm I ever had.  very painful.  Then for whatever reason, half asleep, I tried breathing into it, like they teach you in yoga, and it passed.  but the whole back was sore from the spasm, so  I know it was bad. 

 

I'm trying to find my patience, Nova, I think I left it on the bus, or the dog ate it along with my homework.

[[Gr...]]

Okay..I ahve made it almost four hours of work today.  When I try to speak I can't catch my breath. what the heck?  I may pack it in soon as I just wnated to make sure I came in so I don't feel like the beast beats me.  sort of stupid as this is an "all bets are off" day.

 

Drew, take it slow.  It will pass, they all do.  That's an absolute of withdrawal, everything passes.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Sky ... hope you are doing okay ... is the heat still high in your neighbourhood? ...

 

Hot, almost back to 104 degrees F !

 

My bad day, good day pattern is holding and is quite consistent, I have to say.

 

Today, my palps are better, but yesterday it was really bad. I am rushing off to the library to get some fresh air from their AC ! 

 

Sky!  I am so horrified to hear the temperature.  How are you handling it?  I usually do okay with heat but find myself feeling the need to pass out if I go out in the sun.  lately, anyway.  this past week.

 

You need some thunderstorms.

 

I won't be getting any for a while, apparently ! 

 

It's highly unusual even for Italy. A week ago, it provoked a small tornado.

 

I am managing for now. I spent the afternoon at the library but it's the evenings that get me. It builds up, you see and in the evenings, there is nowhere to hide for AC. At least not for free.

 

Don't do Wd on a shoestring !

 

Tell me about it.  Sounds like the title of a book.  maybe there's a book in your future.  or at least an Italian language benzo website. 

 

Stay cool

[[be...]]

Hey Beulah....how are you doing?....How is your reflux...are you eating real food today or is it the 101 varieties of mashed potatoes?...Do you get breaks from it in which you dare to eat actual food? ..  Mine gets somewhat better and I get over confident and eat something like half a turkey sandwhich and a tiny bowl of ice cream and a few hours later my belly hurts. I guess until it has more time and the doctor r/o hiatal hernia I should just stick with the smoothies and mashed potatoes..

....I hope you are in a good space today.. .. coop

 

Hey Coop, yes I'm eating real food everyday. I'm just keeping it as bland as possible. I still have to rotate between Tums or another antacid a couple of times a week. If I keep food on my belly and not let it get empty it seems to help. To much liquid and not enough food on my stomach will get the acid started. I'm back to eating six small meals throughout the day.

This is a sample of the way I'm eating.

Breakfast- English muffin with almond butter

Two hours later-  a boiled egg

Lunch- half a chicken breast

two hours later- a baked potato

Dinner- creamed chicken over rice-mixed veggies

Two hours later-  guacamole with pita chips - I make mine with a little ranch to keep down acid.

Before bed I always have a small bowl of cereal or yogurt.

This seems to be working for me. I add in some mashed potatoes or a smoothie when needed.

 

...thanks Beulah....I am noticing the same thing, if I don't eat something real it gets worse. And I am beginning to believe the 2 hour thing and the don't eat while reclining thing...are you still getting the cough from time to time? ...Beulah, I know this sounds silly, but I am seeing improvement through chewing gum throughout the day.  Thank you for the sample meal quantities.  I so do not want a scope I am willing to do whatever it takes to get this under control. I think the Braggs apple cider vinegar in warm water with a little honey is also helping I found a ton of reflux safe food advice on Pintrest too. I have completely quit the Gaviscon and don't want a ppi and in many ways feel better..  ...thanks so much Beulah...

 

Coop, the coughing has been gone for a couple of months...thank goodness...thought it would never stop.

I can't chew gum because I swallow to much air while chewing it and then I bloat with gas pain.

I don't blame you, I wouldn't want a scope either.

I thought about trying the Apple Cider vinegar..I still might. It's awful the way we have to try so hard to keep everything balanced...it wares you out.

One day this madness will be over for us.

[[be...]]

Good Morning ... had a quiet evening ... woke up after a couple of hours sleep with rolling anxiety and congestion ... stuffed up head and ears ... dozed off and on for a couple more hours ... just feel thick and sloggy this morning ...

 

Interesting that I did not respond to the anxiety ... didn't even bother to do some tea ... round and round we go ...

 

Hope we all can have a quiet day ... 

 

Nova, so that makes three, you, me, and Jenny, stuffy with congestion.  And my ears are popping, then back to plugged up.  I know this is benzo related, even though it feels like a summer sinus cold.

 

Well, you all have anxiety, and I barely have a pulse, lol.  seriously, very, very tired, since last week, I can barely get off the couch. 

 

hanging in there,  hope you are, too.  this really can't go on forever?

 

Hey you guys, remember a few months ago I kept posting about my congestion and the plugged ears...it is withdrawal. I had it for a few months and it drove me crazy.

My ears ached, itched and popped. Everyday my head felt full of congestion like it was going to pop.

All of this is gone now but I still get the sinus pressure and headaches without the congestion.

The only thing that helped me was breathing steam..it broke it up and started the drainage.

Every morning my pillow would be wet from ear drainage.

This is a miserable symptom...but it does leave.

[[be...]]

Hi Sky ... hope you are doing okay ... is the heat still high in your neighbourhood? ...

 

Hot, almost back to 104 degrees F !

 

My bad day, good day pattern is holding and is quite consistent, I have to say.

 

Today, my palps are better, but yesterday it was really bad. I am rushing off to the library to get some fresh air from their AC ! 

 

Sky!  I am so horrified to hear the temperature.  How are you handling it?  I usually do okay with heat but find myself feeling the need to pass out if I go out in the sun.  lately, anyway.  this past week.

 

You need some thunderstorms.

 

I won't be getting any for a while, apparently ! 

 

It's highly unusual even for Italy. A week ago, it provoked a small tornado.

 

I am managing for now. I spent the afternoon at the library but it's the evenings that get me. It builds up, you see and in the evenings, there is nowhere to hide for AC. At least not for free.

 

Don't do Wd on a shoestring !

 

That's hot!!!!!  It's still raining here...so much flooding. We have cool rainy days..not our typical hot humid summer. Stay cool.

[[dr...]]

I'm just so flabbergasted that I can have three days of basically nonstop anxiety/fear/breathing issues. A day here or there...maybe two....benzo beast didn't get the memo I'm well passed acute stage.  Add in the other head stuff and I'm whooped right now.  This is the worst wave I think since month ten or so. 

I need relief or something.  This is so hard. I'm very upset.  Even though I know it will pass I have responsibilities that I must attend to. I know withdrawal doesn't care but I do. I've been reading Baylissas book and when she got crushed at 18 months or so she just stayed in bed and let the symptoms do what they do.  I'm trying that as much as possible. 

 

Sorry guys for bummer posts but you all know how it is.  I feel very high maintenance right now.