12-18 month support

[[je...]]

Drew-- I hope things settle down for you, thinking of you..

Sky-- yes, I need to update my signature I'm in month 22 now. I've been meaning to ask you are your palps very intense? I've been getting palps lately, but they aren't as strong as they used to be.

Nova-- glad to see you on here! I can't relate to the stuffed up feeling, and its not fun. Ready for a clear breath of air ya know?

Coop, Green-- hope your both doing good 

[[Se...]]

Greetings to all.  Now I am officially a 12-monther.  Hard to believe because I feel far worse now than I did even six months ago.  Crazy stuff, this.  Not feeling too conversational, but wanted to check in, I guess, for what it's worth.  Do I sound too negative?  I think I must, but I am in such a dark place.  Seems no amount of positive self-talk, affirmations, walking, meditating or other stuff, can touch this space I'm in.  And I get p*ssed off at all that positive stuff every once in a while; it almost makes me angry, truth be told, because it seems I can't buy into it and sustain it.  Not always, of course.  Just when things are this bad.  Hard to explain.  Has anyone else felt so beaten down & conquered, where it's nearly impossible to do anything but just exist... for weeks/months on end, in the face of hopelessness?

 

I guess my brain & CNS just need to heal some more (?)

 

It's hot & muggy here, so will wait until near-dusk before walking today, if I do walk.  I'm not (have never really been) a huge fan of summer and hot temps.  I breathe a sigh of relief when fall comes.

 

Hope you all can find some nuggets of relief and calm today.  Everyone, despite the frequent setbacks, seems to be doing pretty well and holding up ok in this endurance test.  Warmest, healing thoughts to all here.  I sincerely hope none of us feels the need to come to this board in a year's time (or less.)

 

Serenity 

 

[[je...]]

SN,

Congrats on month 12, big accomplishment! When I'm on a wave or bad place, I get the same thoughts, and I get angry at the positive stuff too. I had a long stretch of months where I felt worse too, so I understand the frustration, but things really can change at any moment. This whole process is one big attack on the mind, its hard to stay positive sometimes.. I hope you get a break soon, Jenny 

[[Fi...]]

Serenity--I was in that same dark place as you, over and over, for a very long time.  I'd say, stop beating yourself up for not "being positive."  Nothing positive about this.  Just endure.  Be kind to yourself and know that you are doing a very hard thing requiring a lot of bravery.  It's pretty tough to keep trying to think something through with a brain that's still compromised.  Just know that you're healing and as some other BB said at some point, don't hurt yourself and try not to hurt anyone else.    How you feel today is not the way you're going to feel forever.

[[No...]]

Serenity ... what you are feeling is familiar to me ... and perhaps to many of us ... I felt that way most of last winter ... long stretches of feeling lost in this process ...

 

The spell will break ... and in the meantime we just keep going ... it seems things perhaps do not get easier, just less hard ... I know that sounds goofy, but it is often true for me ...

 

[[Mo...]]

Friends, I am suffering greatly.  Intense panic sense 1am.  I haven't slept thru the night in weeks. 

 

Im begging God right now to get thru this.  Ran into a friend at the gym whose mother in law is going thru this.  She wants back on meds.  I don't want meds but I feel like I need something.  Please God, mercy on my soul.  Grace to walk this.  I need grace.

 

My mom is on her way over.  Hubby left on a trip at 5am.  Please God don't let this be me. 

 

Someone tell me this will pass.  How does this happen so swiftly?  Please tell me it will be gone.  Tell me you are this far along and getting slammed with mental issues.  I can't have come this far to need meds. 

[[Se...]]

Oh, Jenny, FJ & Nova... you're all very kind and sweet.  Thank you. 

 

Of course our brains don't ascribe anything at all to us being "one year out" or "36 months out", etc..  Those are only human-imposed boundaries we'd do well to chuck.  Yet it's not easy to unlearn so many of these well-conditioned "rules" (gosh, there are SO many), even when we finally learn they don't serve us at all.

 

It's comforting to know I am not alone in this and that you have all either been where I am, or are still facing such challenges off-and-on.  If nothing else, it makes me hang on for another day which, from all I've read over the months, is the main ingredient to eventual success.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Serenity.  That's it exactly, " things don't get easier, but not worse"..  I also slogged through a 3 month stretch of no improvement. It is now gradually getting better with a one step forward one and a half step back pattern. ...I find that trying to be positive when I am drowning is just counter productive. It sucks the energy out of me that I need for enduring. When I am in that dry desert of on going sx and little to no sunbreaks the best I can do is endure and stay alive.  It won't last forever ( though it feels as though it will).

  .  Hoping this lifts for you.  Do whatever comforts you and get from one day to the next.  Congratulations for getting through 12 months .  That's huge.  coop

[[Se...]]

Thank you, coop.  I appreciate your support; means a lot to me.  Glad to hear you're getting there yourself... albeit not without some speedbumps. 

[[Fi...]]

MommyR--yes, these bouts of desperation can pass as quickly as they descend.  Your goal is to just hang on through the next few minutes, a few minutes at a time.  Relief will come.  You're on the right track.  You don't want to be like your friend's mother-in-law who goes back on the meds.  As you say in your tagline, you want to be one of the 100% healed and since, that's the case, know that you are on the right track.  Glad your mom is coming over. 

[[Mo...]]

MommyR--yes, these bouts of desperation can pass as quickly as they descend.  Your goal is to just hang on through the next few minutes, a few minutes at a time.  Relief will come.  You're on the right track.  You don't want to be like your friend's mother-in-law who goes back on the meds.  As you say in your tagline, you want to be one of the 100% healed and since, that's the case, know that you are on the right track.  Glad your mom is coming over. 

 

This hits so hard, so fast.  My God it's like I'm dying!!!  I think it's easing up.  I had a terrible headache yesterday and terrible ear pressure.  I've been experiencing intense sensations since our vacation this past June.  This happened last summer too and put me back into acute last summer. Hot flashes started on June 6th and they haven't stopped.  I'm up thru the night with swirling /morbid thoughts. 

 

Thank you for responding to me FinallyJoining...

[[Sk...]]

MommyR--yes, these bouts of desperation can pass as quickly as they descend.  Your goal is to just hang on through the next few minutes, a few minutes at a time.  Relief will come.  You're on the right track.  You don't want to be like your friend's mother-in-law who goes back on the meds.  As you say in your tagline, you want to be one of the 100% healed and since, that's the case, know that you are on the right track.  Glad your mom is coming over. 

 

This hits so hard, so fast.  My God it's like I'm dying!!!  I think it's easing up.  I had a terrible headache yesterday and terrible ear pressure.  I've been experiencing intense sensations since our vacation this past June.  This happened last summer too and put me back into acute last summer. Hot flashes started on June 6th and they haven't stopped.  I'm up thru the night with swirling /morbid thoughts. 

 

Thank you for responding to me FinallyJoining...

 

Mommy, nice to see you, sorry about the circumstances !

 

Your hot flashes are still plaguing you.

 

Really sorry, to hear about you having head pressure. That in itself, is enough to push anyone off the edge, IMO.

 

Hang in there. 

[[Sk...]]

Hi Sky ... hope you are doing okay ... is the heat still high in your neighbourhood? ...

 

Hot, almost back to 104 degrees F !

 

My bad day, good day pattern is holding and is quite consistent, I have to say.

 

Today, my palps are better, but yesterday it was really bad. I am rushing off to the library to get some fresh air from their AC ! 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

MommyR--yes, these bouts of desperation can pass as quickly as they descend.  Your goal is to just hang on through the next few minutes, a few minutes at a time.  Relief will come.  You're on the right track.  You don't want to be like your friend's mother-in-law who goes back on the meds.  As you say in your tagline, you want to be one of the 100% healed and since, that's the case, know that you are on the right track.  Glad your mom is coming over. 

 

This hits so hard, so fast.  My God it's like I'm dying!!!  I think it's easing up.  I had a terrible headache yesterday and terrible ear pressure.  I've been experiencing intense sensations since our vacation this past June.  This happened last summer too and put me back into acute last summer. Hot flashes started on June 6th and they haven't stopped.  I'm up thru the night with swirling /morbid thoughts. 

 

Thank you for responding to me FinallyJoining...

 

Mommy, nice to see you, sorry about the circumstances !

 

Your hot flashes are still plaguing you.

 

Really sorry, to hear about you having head pressure. That in itself, is enough to push anyone off the edge, IMO.

 

Hang in there. 

 

Hi Sky.  Thank you.  The hot flashes disappeared in November.  Then we get ready to leave on vaca last month and up they start again.  I was nervous about the trip as it was, mostly the flying.  They have stayed now for a month.  My sleep is gone too.  My mom is here now, so after I take my oldest to VBS, I'm going to put my head down.  The youngest might have a fractured foot so He has to return to Dr for X-ray.

 

This is so disappointing to suffer intense sensations like this.  While I am not as bad as last year, to be thrown into such intensity is shocking.  I will hang in there with everyone else, but wow this is tough.

[[dr...]]

Mommy...I am right there with you.  I had panic, palps, sweating, and a headache/pressure on my eyes all night.  It carried over to this am.  Headache gone but everything else here.  I am work pushing through with mantras...."I ahve been here before and it always ends", "it is my body healing itself and it's not real panic""I feel fear but it is the chemicals in my brain healing themselves".  I'm trying here   Just tryijng to pass the time until it lets up like it always does.

 

I am in major acute wave and my folks visiting got to see the brunt of it.  I feel bad for them worrying about me. 

[[be...]]

Morning all,

 

Reading through the recent posts..sure is a busy morning here.

Serenity- Congrats on month 12.

Yes, some of us feel year two is harder in a lot of ways. It seems the symptoms change back and fourth more quickly making us feel we are going backwards..but we're actually healing in a different way. The struggle is real..but you're doing it. Keep on healing.

[[pe...]]

I need some help friends. My gut ache turned into a horrible bout of diarrhea today. I was sweating with chills and thought I might pass out. I still have an aching burning sensation in my gut. Is this benzo belly? Is this something I should get checked out?

 

Peace 2

[[No...]]

Peace ... this sounds a little more intense than "normal" benzo belly ... you may want to get it checked out ...

 

Also ... all the individual symptoms can be "normal" benzo belly ... but such an intense combination could be a sign of something else going on ...

 

[[Co...]]

MommyR.  I am just a little bit ahead of you and get slammed from time to time with intense panic/fear and lots of health fear. But, they seem to come spaced out further apart. When you feel settled read HH's success story. She suffered the mother of all panics 2 weeks before she started feeling healed. She went on a 10 day field trip with a group of teenage girls 2 weeks after the major panic. She felt exactly like you do.  She felt that she was dying and begged her husband to take her to er...  A few months later she wrote her success story. She had her panic episode from hell in month 19/20 I think.. something like that and felt healed in month 22

....Hold on MR...I am glad it is starting to ease. How have you been doing up until now?.....Wishing you some rest..  coop

[[dr...]]

I hope you do too, Korbe.  I agree that not having to go to a nine-tofive job has definitely been a luxury for me.  The world has gone on quite nicely without my presence!  And actually, my husband is also such a stay-at-home, my becoming a recluse has actually suited him fine!  Just hope he can handle me well again! :D

 

Mr Sky is the same. I am trying to prepare him for the fact that, once I have healed, I will be wanting to make up for lost time !

 

  My fiance is so much more of a homebody than me but she hasn't known me healthy(or at least without this heay duty crap)

I warn her all the time I will be travelling the world when healthy and I am going solo if she wants to stay home.   I've missed too much

[[be...]]

Mommy- I remember you a while back talking about the horrible hot flashes..and now they're back..yuk!!!!  Wish I could give you some advice about them but I really just suffered through that phase and did nothing. I had hot and cold sweats with panic on many nights in my first year off..don't know if it was hormonal or withdrawal..or both...I would wake with depression and anxiety.

I'm happy to report those nights are gone..they just gradually lifted ..and I hope gone for good.

Hoping relief soon comes your way.

[[Co...]]

Pesce, I agree with Nova.  I would think about getting it evaluated.  This is how I manage doctor visits... I remind myself that I don't have to agree to anything I don't want to do, can ask for the least invasive tests.. take my time to decide on the next step if a next step is needed.

  ..It sounds a lot like my belly issues which may ( or may not) be reflux...The Epsome bath hot soaks help the pain.  A heating pad on the upper belly also helps the pain . If you have had it for a week or so I would get it checked out, but that is just my opinion....I know how distressing it is...and I wish you relief.  So sorry MightyGirl.  Love to you....coop

[[Co...]]

Sky....Glad to hear that you are having a good day. My pattern seems to be following yours....a good day...maybe another half good day and then back to sx.  Yesterday was such a goid day and today is starting out wavy....but like yours, manageable....We are getting there albeit not as fast as we had hoped for.  Enjoy your good day.  coop

[[be...]]

I need some help friends. My gut ache turned into a horrible bout of diarrhea today. I was sweating with chills and thought I might pass out. I still have an aching burning sensation in my gut. Is this benzo belly? Is this something I should get checked out?

 

Peace 2

 

I thought I had benzo gut a few months ago, it turned out to be a stomach bug my granddaughter gave me. Sounds just like what I experienced. I waited it out..it lasted about three days and left me weak. My daughter took my granddaughter to the doc and they to let it run it's course..to keep her hydrated.

It's hard to tell with everything else we have going on. I would say if you get worse to have it checked out. Keep us posted.

[[Co...]]

Hey Beulah....how are you doing?....How is your reflux...are you eating real food today or is it the 101 varieties of mashed potatoes?...Do you get breaks from it in which you dare to eat actual food? ..  Mine gets somewhat better and I get over confident and eat something like half a turkey sandwhich and a tiny bowl of ice cream and a few hours later my belly hurts. I guess until it has more time and the doctor r/o hiatal hernia I should just stick with the smoothies and mashed potatoes..

....I hope you are in a good space today.. .. coop