12-18 month support

[[Gr...]]

Sky- Right after the two year mark is when I felt healed. My first withdrawal was more predictable than this one, I'm so up and down now that I know nothing about it . Just when I think I'm turning a healing corner I get slammed.

I was going good day bad day for a while...that ended. I just had a nice two days of feeling normal, today I'm wavy with anxiety and feel revved up...yesterday I felt in slow motion and calm.

I also feel I will take longer this time around....but we never know.

 

I do know the mental symptoms get less intense over time, but jump back in the game when you least expect it.

Never thought I would ever be going through this again.

I wouldn't be here today if I'd had grief counseling. I lost my mom and my sister and just felt like I couldn't deal with it. Talking about your feelings to someone you trust I think is the best therapy anyone could have.

 

We just never know....

 

Beulah, I've got the wild jumping around, I've had it probably throughout the whole withdrawal, though things are a lot calmer now in month 20 and it's easier to analyze and figure out what's going on.  Like you, I have a hard time distinguishing the mental from the physical, they seem to bleed into each other

 

Don't bother kicking yourself about reinstating.  It happens.  And it's done.  I can't go back and do over 2009, where I stick it out and get off benzos, instead of waiting until 2013.  What is done, is done.  We move on and hopefully learn from it.

[[Gr...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Took some time off ... seems I needed to get my head around a few things ... again ...

 

And I turn 68 tomorrow ...

 

Seems I needed a few days for some reflection ... and to decide if I wanted/needed to continue participating on BB ... seems I got this "thought" in my head that I could speed my healing up if I made some changes ... and it was a big "thought" ... had to sit and walk with it for a couple of days to see where it would go ...

 

And ... it was another "benzo thought" ... another tease ... another phantom ...

 

Arrived at the conclusion ... if it ain't broke, don't fix it ...

 

So ... here I am ... 

 

[move][/HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!move]

 

So glad you're back.  I've had that same thought myself from time to time.

[[Gr...]]

Happy Birthday and welcome back Nova.  You're 68 and I just turned 70 in May. I'm wondering if the older you are the longer it takes to heal.  Has anyone researched that?

 

Coop, I'm sorry if you thought I was critizing you. We all can only do what we feel. So it's fine if you feel you're going to go longer. I have my doubts everyday too. I fight to stay positive. You know the power of positive thinking and all that stuff.  So, I'm still shooting for 24 months.

 

Marj- you're at 15 months and that was one of the hardest for me. I think 16 was awful too. Lots of body pain, muscles cramping and just plain painful. I know I went to my doctor to get something for relief for the first time. I started taking a low dose Lyrica and of course Advil & Tylinol to help with the pain. i'm so sorry you've hit this rough patch. Just take it one day at a time and you'll make it through.

 

Korbe, you sound very good, like something has shifted, gotten better.  sometimes people here on the thread hear my healing before I feel it myself.  Sounds good.  We're getting there.

[[Gr...]]

Happy freakin' birthday to me ... spent the night alternating between chills and sweats ... and got the bloats this morning, feeling like I could explode ...

 

Korbe ... I haven't heard anything about age being an issue with healing ... I believe the only issue is I took the drug ... now I get to heal ...

 

There seems to be so much mental "fantasy" out there around healing ... and it is understandable that there is ... and there is the fact that we are all unique ... and some things give a little relief to some folks ... good fortune for them ...

 

I believe that these drugs fundamentally change our bio-chemistry ... and gradually my body is fixing this problem ... and I do not believe anyone has any kind of panacea for this process other than living through it ...

 

Now I seem to be in a waiting game that taxes my patience and equilibrium all too often ... the struggle for me right now is just keeping my balance and pass these days as best I can ...

 

And ... slowly but surely we are getting better ... 

 

Ahh Nova, so sorry you are getting slammed on your birthday..just not fair.

I turned 60 on July 1, I guess I'm part of the sixties crowd now..not feeling old..but the withdrawal is making me feel older than what I am.

 

We're not old yet..just wiser. You still have a spring in your step.

 

Beulah, age has nothing to do with it, I too feel so much older than I actually am. 

 

Another perk of wd, I guess. The havoc it brings on our skin is not helping either, my skin looks  awful.

 

Everybody, today is awful. My heart is pounding loudly, so loudly. I tried napping, and I just keeping waking up in jolts and fear.

 

Still much to fix, but we are getting there.

 

Sky, so sorry you've got the heart and toxic naps back.  Oh, do I hate those.  Hope nothing lasts too long for us this far out.  And remember what Beulah said, she had a window and it never closed. That's really how healing happens.

[[li...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Just wanted to stop by and say hello to my fiends. I was just thinking yesterday "What was withdrawal and what was just me?" I realized that many of the side effects that I thought were side effects back in my first 18 months were IN FACT side effects. I now know that as I do not even come close to having the uncontrollable anxiety that I had before. All during my withdrawal I always thought" Is this w/d or is this just me?" I know now with 200% certainty that it was all w/d. How? Because I get anxiety from time to time due to certain circumstances in my life BUT I can breath it or emotional heal it away. That is, I am effective at controlling "normal stress" and "moods".

 

KNow that w/d is a FACT and that no doctor or nurse or practitioner of any kind can EVER make me think otherwise. This is a nasty condition that we all will eventually overcome. It is real and truly malicious in its deception.

 

Well, enough of that. Hope all are getting healed or healed and I pray that things get batter for all soon!

 

Love to all!

 

Henry

[[dr...]]

I've been on and off benzos several times in the past twent five years.  First time was Xanax and no problem at all. I took as needed for many years as I was on a low dose AD.  The dr had me try so many things 10-20 years ago.  I quit the 10mg of lexapro while taking  .25-.5 my of K 3xday at the same time about ten years or so ago.  Doc said no withdrawal.  Lol.  I had brain zaps and made off the lexapro.  I ended up increasing my dose cause it didn't work to .5 3x a day.  About eight years ago I quit w a 3 week taper because again doc said no withdrawal from K. Idiot!!!!  I got killed and reinstated one month later at 3mg per day!!!  8 years later here I am minus one bastard dr.  Dr said out of his career five thousand patients he never knew anyone as sensitive as me.  Puhleasse!!!

[[Gr...]]

Hey Green ... you signal, I'll smoke ... we can get this right eventually ... 

 

Smoke signals, or I may have to start smoking Drew's medicine

 

Not really, I'm afraid of the paranoia!

[[dr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Just wanted to stop by and say hello to my fiends. I was just thinking yesterday "What was withdrawal and what was just me?" I realized that many of the side effects that I thought were side effects back in my first 18 months were IN FACT side effects. I now know that as I do not even come close to having the uncontrollable anxiety that I had before. All during my withdrawal I always thought" Is this w/d or is this just me?" I know now with 200% certainty that it was all w/d. How? Because I get anxiety from time to time due to certain circumstances in my life BUT I can breath it or emotional heal it away. That is, I am effective at controlling "normal stress" and "moods".

 

KNow that w/d is a FACT and that no doctor or nurse or practitioner of any kind can EVER make me think otherwise. This is a nasty condition that we all will eventually overcome. It is real and truly malicious in its deception.

 

Well, enough of that. Hope all are getting healed or healed and I pray that things get batter for all soon!

 

Love to all!

 

Henry

 

 

Henry-you are like an angel who just descended to make me breathe easier today.  While I do know everything you say is true my brain can comprehend it in this wave.  Reassurance is the only thing that helps in this time.

[[Gr...]]

I've been on and off benzos several times in the past twent five years.  First time was Xanax and no problem at all. I took as needed for many years as I was on a low dose AD.  The dr had me try so many things 10-20 years ago.  I quit the 10mg of lexapro while taking  .25-.5 my of K 3xday at the same time about ten years or so ago.  Doc said no withdrawal.  Lol.  I had brain zaps and made off the lexapro.  I ended up increasing my dose cause it didn't work to .5 3x a day.  About eight years ago I quit w a 3 week taper because again doc said no withdrawal from K. Idiot!!!!  I got killed and reinstated one month later at 3mg per day!!!  8 years later here I am minus one bastard dr.  Dr said out of his career five thousand patients he never knew anyone as sensitive as me.  Puhleasse!!!

Drew, if it helps him feel better to put this on you, the patient, if that's how he wants to practice medicine, good for him.  Just listen to what he's saying to you.  Your fault for being sensitive to chemicals in your brain.  That's where medicine is right now.  Ugh. 

[[Gr...]]

Hi Everyone,

 

Just wanted to stop by and say hello to my fiends. I was just thinking yesterday "What was withdrawal and what was just me?" I realized that many of the side effects that I thought were side effects back in my first 18 months were IN FACT side effects. I now know that as I do not even come close to having the uncontrollable anxiety that I had before. All during my withdrawal I always thought" Is this w/d or is this just me?" I know now with 200% certainty that it was all w/d. How? Because I get anxiety from time to time due to certain circumstances in my life BUT I can breath it or emotional heal it away. That is, I am effective at controlling "normal stress" and "moods".

 

KNow that w/d is a FACT and that no doctor or nurse or practitioner of any kind can EVER make me think otherwise. This is a nasty condition that we all will eventually overcome. It is real and truly malicious in its deception.

 

Well, enough of that. Hope all are getting healed or healed and I pray that things get batter for all soon!

 

Love to all!

 

Henry

 

Life/Henry,

It is absolutely lovely to hear from you.  Thank you so much for your message of hope and validation, that, yes, this is withdrawal.  We know that, but in weak/sick times, we lose it. 

[[No...]]

Life ... thank you for the reassurance ... good to hear from you ... 

[[...]]

Marj ... I know where you are ... have been there as well all too often ... and there are many days when my belief in my healing gets dissolved in this soup of physical and mental symptoms ...

 

And sometimes this is where the fear likes to poke up its head ... and all I seem to be able to "do" is acknowledge my fear, acknowledge my exhaustion, and scramble around and find something else to focus on in the moment ...

 

This is tough stuff we are living ... and we are doing a wonderful job of getting through this ... and all too often it just plain feels like crap ...

 

This is healing ... and for most of us, nothing has prepared us for this journey ... we learn "on the job" ...

 

Hope things balance out for you today ... 

 

Thank you so much for your comforting words again Nova, and on your birthday too. Well I did balance out some, was able to make the best of a summers day and potter in the garden. Took my mind off the plain crap. Hope your day was ok 

[[No...]]

Marj ... today was up and down ... had a nice dinner ... meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans, with gravy ...

 

Cooking seems to be one of my productive distractions ... I went probably 18 months where every time I tried to cook I didn't know if I would be overcome with something or not ... all that has passed ... another sign of improvement ...

 

Hope you have a good evening and a good Monday ... 

[[je...]]

Hi guys,

I took yesterday off so I need to catch up on all the posts still. I'm really not in a great place.. I've been having very weird thoughts and just don't " feel right "in my head if that makes sense. Tons of intrusive thoughts, a little anxiety, my head and sinuses are FILLED with pressure, lightheaded, can't breathe at all. Im so disappointed that I'm still dealing with all this. I have so many thoughts that something is really wrong with me and this can't be w/d but I know it is.. Crazy that a pill can make u sick for this long.

[[Ko...]]

Hi Buddies,

 

I wanted to clarify my questions about age.  I'm 70 yrs old and it seems like a lot of you are in your 60's, so I was wondering if age makes a difference in how long it takes to heal.  I know with surgery or broken bones doctors say it takes longer to heal if you're older.  Just wondering if the same rule applies to brains trying to heal.  I think someone in their 20's or 30's will heal faster than someone in their 6o's. 

 

I know we'll all heal eventually and we are all different, but I still think age makes a difference.

[[Fi...]]

Korbe--I'm 64 and a few months back I started a thread called "Is it because I'm old?"  It got a lot of thoughtful responses.  Lots of people want to assure you that age isn't an issue, but I actually think it probably does make a difference, just for the reasons you state.  EVERYTHING takes longer to heal the older we are, so why should our brains be any different?  Seems like there was a chart somebody posted about healing rates that indicated that yeah, the older you are, the longer it probably takes.

 

But this doesn't mean our prognosis isn't just as good as the younger folks, and it does seem that the older people have a little more patience, having lived through more before having to tackle this.  So we've got that going for us.

 

Galea is 69 and recently posted her success story.  She was a short term user saddled with a ridiculously long healing time, but in the end, she did heal.

 

As will you and everybody else here, young OR old!

[[je...]]

Nova,

Happy birthday!! I'm so glad to hear you decided to stick around honestly this thread is not the same without you 

[[Si...]]

I'm 41 so I guess I'm a spring chicken!

 

I think one thing that may work in favor of the older people is that a lot of you are probably retired by now. Obviously that's a guess on my part, but at least not having to get out every day to make money can alleviate some anxiety. It would make it easier to sleep when you can too.

[[Si...]]

Hi guys,

I took yesterday off so I need to catch up on all the posts still. I'm really not in a great place.. I've been having very weird thoughts and just don't " feel right "in my head if that makes sense. Tons of intrusive thoughts, a little anxiety, my head and sinuses are FILLED with pressure, lightheaded, can't breathe at all. Im so disappointed that I'm still dealing with all this. I have so many thoughts that something is really wrong with me and this can't be w/d but I know it is.. Crazy that a pill can make u sick for this long.

.

 

Dang Jenny! Sorry you got hit again. Hopefully this will be the last wave for you.

[[je...]]

Thanks siggy, this rollercoaster is so tough. I'll be 41 in October so we are almost the same age

[[Co...]]

Hi dear friends....Well, once again I have been off for a day and have completely lost track of the posts except for the ones on this page and the previous one.

...just an up-date.....an EFFORTLESS MIND DAY for me today. So out of the blue. I was off yesterday because I was 100% miserable wavy in acute sx land.  I was mired in mini panics, anxiety, health fear , d/r, ...the full acute experience. ...This morning I woke up. .  woke up in a wide open window. I woke up at 4 but went right back to sleep until 8. I haven't slept like that in 3 months. Today I feel like a normal person with a very common physical condition....reflux, that one in three adults have . A condition that is easily treated. ...In other words .  today I am a rational normal person.  I hope it holds.

 

.      NOVA ....Happy Happy Birthday.  I am wishing you, of course...complete healing for you in your 68th year. I am so happy to see you back, although I completely understand the need to reflect on the place in our lives that BBs holds. ...and the ambivalence of being active....or not. ..I hope you feel more healing this week.

 

    LIFE.  .what a great surprise to see you here. Thank you so much for the encouraging post. It comes at a good time. As you can see some of us are hobbling in this last leg of healing. So happy to hear that this is all behind you now. ..You have nothing but a bright life in front of you....

 

      DREW,....so sorry you have been through it this week. It's been a bad wave for you. I read your post regarding the d/r that comes on like a light switch. Drew, it is all w/d. My d/r is so heavy sometimes that I feel completely disconnected from my body....seriously. I can't think..  at all and it feels almost physical. It comes with anxiety and the same feeling you have, ' this has to be something more than w/d...it has to be dementia or stroke or a brain tumor'. Then it clears and my mind comes back. I am thinking this wave should be starting to roll out for you.  I hope so you have endured more than enough this week. Sending love to you

 

 

.....I know I am missing so many posts and I apologize. It does,sound like a lot of us were in the soup this week...Hoping for a better week for all of us....coop

[[dr...]]

Hi guys,

I took yesterday off so I need to catch up on all the posts still. I'm really not in a great place.. I've been having very weird thoughts and just don't " feel right "in my head if that makes sense. Tons of intrusive thoughts, a little anxiety, my head and sinuses are FILLED with pressure, lightheaded, can't breathe at all. Im so disappointed that I'm still dealing with all this. I have so many thoughts that something is really wrong with me and this can't be w/d but I know it is.. Crazy that a pill can make u sick for this long.

 

Jenny,

 

I had the same thoughts too along w the same symptoms. As I sit here tying this my brain went from being pretty clear a 1/2 hour to my head getting whacked. I mean like not being able to function whacked.  I went into lala land. It's like a neural storm w tingles, I can't think, my anxiety spikes, and it ramps up really fast and slowly passes.  I get hit in the morning and late afternoon.  Scary.  It gets less and less and then it disappears after a week or two. 

I think no one else has this and it can't be withdrawal.  Well...I never had anything like this before so it's withdrawal.  Then life/Henry posted how much was withdrawal a little earlier today.

 

Hang in there dear. 

[[dr...]]

Coop!  Effortless mind!!!!!    Hope it never stops.  :smitten:

[[Ko...]]

Korbe--I'm 64 and a few months back I started a thread called "Is it because I'm old?"  It got a lot of thoughtful responses.  Lots of people want to assure you that age isn't an issue, but I actually think it probably does make a difference, just for the reasons you state.  EVERYTHING takes longer to heal the older we are, so why should our brains be any different?  Seems like there was a chart somebody posted about healing rates that indicated that yeah, the older you are, the longer it probably takes.

 

But this doesn't mean our prognosis isn't just as good as the younger folks, and it does seem that the older people have a little more patience, having lived through more before having to tackle this.  So we've got that going for us.

 

Galea is 69 and recently posted her success story.  She was a short term user saddled with a ridiculously long healing time, but in the end, she did heal.

 

As will you and everybody else here, young OR old!

 

 

Thanks for sharing this information.  It only made sense to me and explained why this is taking so damn long.  There are some advantages to being older in that yes, we might be retired and wouldn't have to struggle with the work thing.  And as you pointed out, older people are more patient. Also,

our social life is probably not as active.  So, pros & cons on both sides.

 

Again, thanks for reponding. And congrats on finally healing. I hope to follow in your footsteps very soon.

[[dr...]]

Hi guys...I'm getting a spike in health anxiety.  I am getting some symptoms that may mean another migraine is on the way.  I'm now scaring myself about another visual aura showing up.  I had the ct scan so even if another one comes it ain't deadly but it seems that way.