12-18 month support

[[be...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Took some time off ... seems I needed to get my head around a few things ... again ...

 

And I turn 68 tomorrow ...

 

Seems I needed a few days for some reflection ... and to decide if I wanted/needed to continue participating on BB ... seems I got this "thought" in my head that I could speed my healing up if I made some changes ... and it was a big "thought" ... had to sit and walk with it for a couple of days to see where it would go ...

 

And ... it was another "benzo thought" ... another tease ... another phantom ...

 

Arrived at the conclusion ... if it ain't broke, don't fix it ...

 

So ... here I am ... 

 

Welcome back Nova. Don't worry..the time will come when none of us will need to be here...but for now..we're here because we need each other.

Hope you got some thinking sorted out.

[[dr...]]

Hi all...my panic seems to have left for now.  Just very weird brain in front of head sinus area.  Fun times!!!  Going to watch a movie w the folks and call it an early night.  Hope everyone does better tomorrow.

[[Ko...]]

Happy Birthday and welcome back Nova.  You're 68 and I just turned 70 in May. I'm wondering if the older you are the longer it takes to heal.  Has anyone researched that?

 

Coop, I'm sorry if you thought I was critizing you. We all can only do what we feel. So it's fine if you feel you're going to go longer. I have my doubts everyday too. I fight to stay positive. You know the power of positive thinking and all that stuff.  So, I'm still shooting for 24 months.

 

Marj- you're at 15 months and that was one of the hardest for me. I think 16 was awful too. Lots of body pain, muscles cramping and just plain painful. I know I went to my doctor to get something for relief for the first time. I started taking a low dose Lyrica and of course Advil & Tylinol to help with the pain. i'm so sorry you've hit this rough patch. Just take it one day at a time and you'll make it through.

[[Ko...]]

WARNING -  READ THE INFO IN THE NEWS CONCERNING ADVIL & ALEVE.  THEY CAN CAUSE A HEART ATTACK OR STROKE.  Google Ibuprofen and heart attacks and you will get all the reports.

 

Aspirin and Tylenol are ok. But, both of these have other issues too. Just be careful Buddies.

[[be...]]

Happy Birthday to you..Happy Birthday to you ..Happy Birthday dear Nova..Happy Birthday to you.

😮

[[No...]]

Happy freakin' birthday to me ... spent the night alternating between chills and sweats ... and got the bloats this morning, feeling like I could explode ...

 

Korbe ... I haven't heard anything about age being an issue with healing ... I believe the only issue is I took the drug ... now I get to heal ...

 

There seems to be so much mental "fantasy" out there around healing ... and it is understandable that there is ... and there is the fact that we are all unique ... and some things give a little relief to some folks ... good fortune for them ...

 

I believe that these drugs fundamentally change our bio-chemistry ... and gradually my body is fixing this problem ... and I do not believe anyone has any kind of panacea for this process other than living through it ...

 

Now I seem to be in a waiting game that taxes my patience and equilibrium all too often ... the struggle for me right now is just keeping my balance and pass these days as best I can ...

 

And ... slowly but surely we are getting better ... 

[[...]]

Having trouble believing this will get better. Starting to think there is something seriously wrong. So sick of having no energy and pain 

[[No...]]

Marj ... I know where you are ... have been there as well all too often ... and there are many days when my belief in my healing gets dissolved in this soup of physical and mental symptoms ...

 

And sometimes this is where the fear likes to poke up its head ... and all I seem to be able to "do" is acknowledge my fear, acknowledge my exhaustion, and scramble around and find something else to focus on in the moment ...

 

This is tough stuff we are living ... and we are doing a wonderful job of getting through this ... and all too often it just plain feels like crap ...

 

This is healing ... and for most of us, nothing has prepared us for this journey ... we learn "on the job" ...

 

Hope things balance out for you today ... 

[[...]]

Marj ... I know where you are ... have been there as well all too often ... and there are many days when my belief in my healing gets dissolved in this soup of physical and mental symptoms ...

 

And sometimes this is where the fear likes to poke up its head ... and all I seem to be able to "do" is acknowledge my fear, acknowledge my exhaustion, and scramble around and find something else to focus on in the moment ...

 

This is tough stuff we are living ... and we are doing a wonderful job of getting through this ... and all too often it just plain feels like crap ...

 

This is healing ... and for most of us, nothing has prepared us for this journey ... we learn "on the job" ...

 

Hope things balance out for you today ... 

 

 

 

Thx Nova, needed to hear that this morn

[[No...]]

Jrod ... 

[[Sk...]]

Happy freakin' birthday to me ... spent the night alternating between chills and sweats ... and got the bloats this morning, feeling like I could explode ...

 

Korbe ... I haven't heard anything about age being an issue with healing ... I believe the only issue is I took the drug ... now I get to heal ...

 

There seems to be so much mental "fantasy" out there around healing ... and it is understandable that there is ... and there is the fact that we are all unique ... and some things give a little relief to some folks ... good fortune for them ...

 

I believe that these drugs fundamentally change our bio-chemistry ... and gradually my body is fixing this problem ... and I do not believe anyone has any kind of panacea for this process other than living through it ...

 

Now I seem to be in a waiting game that taxes my patience and equilibrium all too often ... the struggle for me right now is just keeping my balance and pass these days as best I can ...

 

And ... slowly but surely we are getting better ... 

 

Korbe, Nova is right. Age does not seem to be an issue with healing. It's a long process, is all.

 

Michael, happy birthday  :happybday: and may I just say I am so glad to have you back. Of course you did well to take some time off, sorry to hear it was because of benzo lies though.

 

Ultimately, it may have been for the best, breaks are always a good thing.

 

This is the second birthday we get to celebrate together, do you realize that ? Now, let's hope that we will both be in very different situations by next year when you will be celebrating it again !

 

Are you doing anything nice ? Is  She who must be obeyed  treating you to something ?

 

Have the best possible day, given the circumstances. 

[[be...]]

Happy freakin' birthday to me ... spent the night alternating between chills and sweats ... and got the bloats this morning, feeling like I could explode ...

 

Korbe ... I haven't heard anything about age being an issue with healing ... I believe the only issue is I took the drug ... now I get to heal ...

 

There seems to be so much mental "fantasy" out there around healing ... and it is understandable that there is ... and there is the fact that we are all unique ... and some things give a little relief to some folks ... good fortune for them ...

 

I believe that these drugs fundamentally change our bio-chemistry ... and gradually my body is fixing this problem ... and I do not believe anyone has any kind of panacea for this process other than living through it ...

 

Now I seem to be in a waiting game that taxes my patience and equilibrium all too often ... the struggle for me right now is just keeping my balance and pass these days as best I can ...

 

And ... slowly but surely we are getting better ... 

 

Ahh Nova, so sorry you are getting slammed on your birthday..just not fair.

I turned 60 on July 1, I guess I'm part of the sixties crowd now..not feeling old..but the withdrawal is making me feel older than what I am.

 

We're not old yet..just wiser. You still have a spring in your step.

[[Fi...]]

Beulah--you share the exact birthday--and I mean day AND year--of my real life Benzobuddie who healed from Klonopin back in 2007 and is the one who directed me toward this board.  She turned 60 on July 1st.  I took her out to lunch and we sat at a sidewalk table drinking margaritas and celebrated me finally getting my life back and discussing her daughter's wedding, which is next weekend.  Unfortunately, she missed my son's wedding, due to withdrawal, but I will be at her daughter's!

 

I'm annoyed with this friend for never posting a success story, but I guess that just shows that probably lots of people who don't are disappearing because they're HEALED, not because they continued to be sick.

 

You all will be feeling much better soon, I'm confident. 

[[Sk...]]

Happy freakin' birthday to me ... spent the night alternating between chills and sweats ... and got the bloats this morning, feeling like I could explode ...

 

Korbe ... I haven't heard anything about age being an issue with healing ... I believe the only issue is I took the drug ... now I get to heal ...

 

There seems to be so much mental "fantasy" out there around healing ... and it is understandable that there is ... and there is the fact that we are all unique ... and some things give a little relief to some folks ... good fortune for them ...

 

I believe that these drugs fundamentally change our bio-chemistry ... and gradually my body is fixing this problem ... and I do not believe anyone has any kind of panacea for this process other than living through it ...

 

Now I seem to be in a waiting game that taxes my patience and equilibrium all too often ... the struggle for me right now is just keeping my balance and pass these days as best I can ...

 

And ... slowly but surely we are getting better ... 

 

Ahh Nova, so sorry you are getting slammed on your birthday..just not fair.

I turned 60 on July 1, I guess I'm part of the sixties crowd now..not feeling old..but the withdrawal is making me feel older than what I am.

 

We're not old yet..just wiser. You still have a spring in your step.

 

Beulah, age has nothing to do with it, I too feel so much older than I actually am. 

 

Another perk of wd, I guess. The havoc it brings on our skin is not helping either, my skin looks  awful.

 

Everybody, today is awful. My heart is pounding loudly, so loudly. I tried napping, and I just keeping waking up in jolts and fear.

 

Still much to fix, but we are getting there.

[[...]]

Beulah--you share the exact birthday--and I mean day AND year--of my real life Benzobuddie who healed from Klonopin back in 2007 and is the one who directed me toward this board.  She turned 60 on July 1st.  I took her out to lunch and we sat at a sidewalk table drinking margaritas and celebrated me finally getting my life back and discussing her daughter's wedding, which is next weekend.  Unfortunately, she missed my son's wedding, due to withdrawal, but I will be at her daughter's!

 

I'm annoyed with this friend for never posting a success story, but I guess that just shows that probably lots of people who don't are disappearing because they're HEALED, not because they continued to be sick.

 

You all will be feeling much better soon, I'm confident. 

 

 

Thank you for this FJ, your encouragement is being lapped up 

[[No...]]

Sky ... that is a lousy place to be ... those jolts and fears ... mine have mostly cleared up, but when they were active they were terrible ...

 

Hope things settle out for you ... 

[[dr...]]

Checking in...SNAFU for me.  No pure panic but just a crappy brain feeling day.

[[be...]]

Beulah--you share the exact birthday--and I mean day AND year--of my real life Benzobuddie who healed from Klonopin back in 2007 and is the one who directed me toward this board.  She turned 60 on July 1st.  I took her out to lunch and we sat at a sidewalk table drinking margaritas and celebrated me finally getting my life back and discussing her daughter's wedding, which is next weekend.  Unfortunately, she missed my son's wedding, due to withdrawal, but I will be at her daughter's!

 

I'm annoyed with this friend for never posting a success story, but I guess that just shows that probably lots of people who don't are disappearing because they're HEALED, not because they continued to be sick.

 

You all will be feeling much better soon, I'm confident. 

 

Wow, that's interesting. HH 2 years off on July 1...also, Nova's Birthday today, I will be 2 yrs off on the 29th, a lot going on in July.

 

Good you have healed enough to go to your friends  daughter's wedding. I love weddings and I know you will have so much fun.

 

It's never to late to post a success story...let your friend know this..I think we owe this to everyone here on BB.

[[Fi...]]

Oh, believe me, I told her in no uncertain terms how I felt about this, but it's pretty clear we can't MAKE people do what we think they should, right?

[[be...]]

Happy freakin' birthday to me ... spent the night alternating between chills and sweats ... and got the bloats this morning, feeling like I could explode ...

 

Korbe ... I haven't heard anything about age being an issue with healing ... I believe the only issue is I took the drug ... now I get to heal ...

 

There seems to be so much mental "fantasy" out there around healing ... and it is understandable that there is ... and there is the fact that we are all unique ... and some things give a little relief to some folks ... good fortune for them ...

 

I believe that these drugs fundamentally change our bio-chemistry ... and gradually my body is fixing this problem ... and I do not believe anyone has any kind of panacea for this process other than living through it ...

 

Now I seem to be in a waiting game that taxes my patience and equilibrium all too often ... the struggle for me right now is just keeping my balance and pass these days as best I can ...

 

And ... slowly but surely we are getting better ... 

 

Ahh Nova, so sorry you are getting slammed on your birthday..just not fair.

I turned 60 on July 1, I guess I'm part of the sixties crowd now..not feeling old..but the withdrawal is making me feel older than what I am.

 

We're not old yet..just wiser. You still have a spring in your step.

 

Beulah, age has nothing to do with it, I too feel so much older than I actually am. 

 

Another perk of wd, I guess. The havoc it brings on our skin is not helping either, my skin looks  awful.

 

Everybody, today is awful. My heart is pounding loudly, so loudly. I tried napping, and I just keeping waking up in jolts and fear.

 

Still much to fix, but we are getting there.

 

Sky, I know what I feel is withdrawal and not my true self. Their is no way my body could age this much in two years. Yes, my face is showing signs of aging and the skin is sagging the muscles are weak..but it is mostly from the withdrawal. I'm really not worried about it though, I know it will all even  out with more healing.

 

Sorry today is so rough for you. Yes, still a lot to fix..little by little ..inch by inch..we're getting there.

[[dr...]]

I was running my morning errands in spite of my heavy DR.  I get a total spacey feeling in my brain. No anxiety just so "spacey".  The benzo beast was trying its best to convince me that it's something serious wrong or this is just how I am. Telling me at "this can't be normal at 14 months". It is such a thick feeling that can descend on me so quickly that if I overthink it I believe the lies. The beast also says "what you have is different than everyone else". Ugh.  This is now a full on wave that has been going on for a week. I think my visual auras/migraines are a secondary effect of the waves. 

 

Trying not too think ahead to tomorrow or entertain what ifs as I know it changes quickly.

 

Happy birthday for a second time nova.  Hope the day gets better for you sir.

[[Gr...]]

Green, I am 100% with you. " My mind is there but my body did not get the message, yet." so true.

Let's send smoke signals!

 

[[No...]]

Drew ... sounds like another Sunday in paradise ...

 

Thinking ... sometimes the bane of my existence ... I have looked for the off switch everywhere ... can't find it ...

 

Read somewhere, sometime ... thoughts can be generated by physical phenomena ... I can't seem to disagree with that ...

 

Hope your day gets quieter ... 

[[Gr...]]

Green- My symptoms in my first withdrawal were mostly mental with severe depression.

I also had chronic insomnia..the reason I was on benzos to begin with.

My worst symptoms were panic attacks, anxiety, and health fears, I don't know if they are considered mental or physical but I always consider them mental.

I didn't have much body pain like I do now. Two different benzos with two different withdrawals.

A doctor told me in my first withdrawal that xanax was the new millennium drug, it carries a lot of antidepressant properties, I think that's why I was so depressed getting off of it.

I also had a lot of GI issues that left after about a year, now this is hanging around a bit longer with reflux.

 

How do you compare your healing now to your last withdrawal? Are your symptoms the same?

 

Beulah, interesting perspective.

 

So Xanax was your first withdrawal, and Ativan the current one?

 

I've always taken Xanax, until the end of this round, when I tried coming down, too quickly, with valium.  I always felt like the valium did more damage than good, only because when I tried to get off in 2009 it wasn't this bad.  But they had me on a bunch of crap, like Seroquel and Cymbalta and lemictal.  I was completely zonked, out of it.  nobody was benzo wise in my life, and I certainly wasn't, and I gave up and reinstated at 9 months.  I continued to work during that period, although I don't know how.  If only I had known, I would have hung on and eventually discontinued the psych drugs.  if wishes were horses, beggars would ride!  lol

 

And in 2004 I had a terrible tolerance withdrawal, when I had only been on two years, and a very low dose, for sleep.  I went to many doctors and was misdiagnosed with CFS and fibro.  I thought I was sick for many years and that my Xanax helped me to function enough that I could get to work.  I really, unbelievably, had no idea the medication was making me sick.  And of course the dose crept up over the years.

 

I've had different symptoms in tolerance in 2004, and I was pretty sick for a few years.  Then in 2009, I knew the Xanax was bad somehow, but didn't have enough mental clarity to figure the rest out.  When I continued to feel lousy after nine months, I gave up and reinstated.  The symptoms were always different, in tolerance, and both withdrawals, this one and the one from 2009.

 

This one has been both mental and physical, with symptoms constantly cycling.

 

I'm so glad t hear you just woke up one day and it was over.  That's what I'm hoping for.  Yes, we've both probably kindled, but we'll still get better.  Might just take a little longer.  I remain hopeful!

 

thanks for responding to that question.  I got a lot from it.

[[No...]]

Hey Green ... you signal, I'll smoke ... we can get this right eventually ...