12-18 month support

[[Co...]]

Hi 12-18 Buddies,

 

Think we should rename our group with so many of us now past 18 months.  I just wanted to say to all of you that I don't agree with you (Coop) saying you're not going to heal by 24 months. That's 3 to 4 months away and a lot can change in that time. So Im still hoping that I'll start to see improvement in a couple weeks at 21 months and begin getting better and better like so many have done before us.

We gotta keep the faith.

 

HH,

So sorry you're in a little wave. Seems that a lot of stress hit about the same time. I sure it will go away soon.  Keep posting when you can, you give me hope.

 

....Korbe, I completely agree with you, so much can happen in 4 months. HH is proof of that .She went from symptomatic at month 18/19 to feeling pretty much healed at month 22 ( I think ). ...I could rephrase my thought about healing to be more along the lines of the fact that I can except that healing for me might be more in the third year. I think the important mental shift for me has been to stop thinking in terms of time lines...not that I don't want this to be done yesterday. I am just trying to look at each day as 'this is my life right now". Drew and Beulah talk about it in terms of " normal for now" (Drew) and " this is my healing life not yet my healed life" ( Beulah). The only thing that allows me this perspective is that for the most part I am doing better....but still w sx.  in a wave all bets are off and I am back to  doubt fear anxiety and a life of acute that I am convinced will never end.

  .I am so sorry your sleep is whacked.  I think insomnia magnifies every single sx and you have my sympathies. ...I really hope you get some rest soon....nice to see you tonight, I wish you were feeling better..  .coop

[[Co...]]

Green...man, ....haven't we endured this long enough?. I am sorry you have some wavy stuff going on...I am getting more fatigue too....I think I am just tired of taking this on every day from the moment I open my eyes...Like you, so much is better but the sx that are hanging on are sucking the energy out of me. ....I am glad that the unisom is helping.  .I am in the same place ....mentally a lot better ( if you don't count the up and down health fear)... but physically I am wrecked most of the time.

[[ci...]]

Green, I am 100% with you. " My mind is there but my body did not get the message, yet." so true.

[[Sk...]]

Hi 12-18 Buddies,

 

Think we should rename our group with so many of us now past 18 months.  I just wanted to say to all of you that I don't agree with you (Coop) saying you're not going to heal by 24 months. That's 3 to 4 months away and a lot can change in that time. So Im still hoping that I'll start to see improvement in a couple weeks at 21 months and begin getting better and better like so many have done before us.

We gotta keep the faith.

 

HH,

So sorry you're in a little wave. Seems that a lot of stress hit about the same time. I sure it will go away soon.  Keep posting when you can, you give me hope.

 

Korbe, I don't agree with Coop, either on this one. When she is well, she sounds so well and a lot can change in these months.

 

However, because my Ct was particularly vicious, I do wonder  if it might not take a little longer for me. Especially for the cognitive issues.

 

But that's because I was hoping for something in the line of HH. But that is not going to happen, now I can see that.

 

When I can trust myself around a wallet and a credit card again, then I will consider myself healed.

 

I am measuring my healing by how much I need a babysitter/ bodyguard around me at all times. 

 

But this is my peculiar situation, I realize that not everybody is in my situation.

 

Have a nicer day, everyone.

 

[[Co...]]

Nova, hope you are lurking from time to time....thinking of you dear friend and hoping that you are well... coop

[[be...]]

I had a tough day today, fatigue, nausea, and I couldn't do too much, very little energy.  In spite of that, I feel better.

 

I'm just wondering, and I guess I'm directing this to Beulah, when do you declare yourself healed?  My mental status is very good.  That's when Baylissa said she was healed.  But I have days where I can't get out the door, still struggle with the energy for housework and everything else, still get nausea, the sweats, it's just not as bad or as long as it used to be.  still have nights where I don't close my eyes at all.  What is the standard for healed?

 

Beulah, the first time you healed, how did you know you were healed?  What went away and what was left when you decided you were healed?

And FJ and HH, maybe you guys could weigh in on that, too.  What made you think you were healed?

 

I went into a very bad wave a few days before I was healed. I woke up one morning and felt normal, not thinking the normal would last I went about my day thinking I had a nice window going on.

The window never closed. I remember that day like yesterday, it felt so good and normal.

I kept some notes and a food journal, I kept swearing it was all of the wild salmon I was eating then...lol.

It was my time to heal, I did nothing special...I just healed.

A bit of insomnia and nausea followed me around for about six months and then that left.

I still have my old post that I printed out from benzo island the group I was in back then. I posted 2 years and healed, but it was actually 2 yrs and 2 weeks...but who's counting..I did.

When this is all over I'm having a "coming out party" of burning journals and notes and anything withdrawal related to me. I will move forward to my healed life of helping end this madness of  over prescribing benzos and shouting from roof tops of the dangers.

 

I will be two yrs off at the end of this month..don't expect to be healed but you just never know, this stuff can and does change on a dime.

[[be...]]

Green- My symptoms in my first withdrawal were mostly mental with severe depression.

I also had chronic insomnia..the reason I was on benzos to begin with.

My worst symptoms were panic attacks, anxiety, and health fears, I don't know if they are considered mental or physical but I always consider them mental.

I didn't have much body pain like I do now. Two different benzos with two different withdrawals.

A doctor told me in my first withdrawal that xanax was the new millennium drug, it carries a lot of antidepressant properties, I think that's why I was so depressed getting off of it.

I also had a lot of GI issues that left after about a year, now this is hanging around a bit longer with reflux.

 

How do you compare your healing now to your last withdrawal? Are your symptoms the same?

 

[[Sk...]]

I had a tough day today, fatigue, nausea, and I couldn't do too much, very little energy.  In spite of that, I feel better.

 

I'm just wondering, and I guess I'm directing this to Beulah, when do you declare yourself healed?  My mental status is very good.  That's when Baylissa said she was healed.  But I have days where I can't get out the door, still struggle with the energy for housework and everything else, still get nausea, the sweats, it's just not as bad or as long as it used to be.  still have nights where I don't close my eyes at all.  What is the standard for healed?

 

Beulah, the first time you healed, how did you know you were healed?  What went away and what was left when you decided you were healed?

And FJ and HH, maybe you guys could weigh in on that, too.  What made you think you were healed?

 

I went into a very bad wave a few days before I was healed. I woke up one morning and felt normal, not thinking the normal would last I went about my day thinking I had a nice window going on.

The window never closed. I remember that day like yesterday, it felt so good and normal.

I kept some notes and a food journal, I kept swearing it was all of the wild salmon I was eating then...lol.

It was my time to heal, I did nothing special...I just healed.

A bit of insomnia and nausea followed me around for about six months and then that left.

I still have my old post that I printed out from benzo island the group I was in back then. I posted 2 years and healed, but it was actually 2 yrs and 2 weeks...but who's counting..I did.

When this is all over I'm having a "coming out party" of burning journals and notes and anything withdrawal related to me. I will move forward to my healed life of helping end this madness of  over prescribing benzos and shouting from roof tops of the dangers.

 

I will be two yrs off at the end of this month..don't expect to be healed but you just never know, this stuff can and does change on a dime.

 

Beulah, thanks so much for sharing !

 

Very encouraging and interesting, indeed.  I can't wait to throw everything away too. 

[[Sk...]]

Green- My symptoms in my first withdrawal were mostly mental with severe depression.

I also had chronic insomnia..the reason I was on benzos to begin with.

My worst symptoms were panic attacks, anxiety, and health fears, I don't know if they are considered mental or physical but I always consider them mental.

I didn't have much body pain like I do now. Two different benzos with two different withdrawals.

A doctor told me in my first withdrawal that xanax was the new millennium drug, it carries a lot of antidepressant properties, I think that's why I was so depressed getting off of it.

I also had a lot of GI issues that left after about a year, now this is hanging around a bit longer with reflux.

 

How do you compare your healing now to your last withdrawal? Are your symptoms the same?

 

BEulah,  you say your first wd, was more mental than physical. And your brain healed when ?

 

I was thinking that because my brain was hit so badly, it might take longer to heal compared to physical things. So, what you are saying is really very interesting.

 

Green, told me differently, but you know, in wd, we always want to think the worst. 

[[Si...]]

Was so tired last night I went to bed at 10pm. Kept waking throughout the night, but it's usually really easy for me to fall back asleep. My main problem is getting to sleep initially.

 

Woke up this morning at around 7am. Massive depression and then anxiety hits. I swear I never had any of this garbage before benzos. I'm so afraid I'll never get better.

 

We're now heading to eat lunch with my wife's parents. It's probably 100 degrees outside too. Hope everyone else's Saturday is on track.

[[be...]]

Sky- Right after the two year mark is when I felt healed. My first withdrawal was more predictable than this one, I'm so up and down now that I know nothing about it . Just when I think I'm turning a healing corner I get slammed.

I was going good day bad day for a while...that ended. I just had a nice two days of feeling normal, today I'm wavy with anxiety and feel revved up...yesterday I felt in slow motion and calm.

I also feel I will take longer this time around....but we never know.

 

I do know the mental symptoms get less intense over time, but jump back in the game when you least expect it.

Never thought I would ever be going through this again.

I wouldn't be here today if I'd had grief counseling. I lost my mom and my sister and just felt like I couldn't deal with it. Talking about your feelings to someone you trust I think is the best therapy anyone could have.

 

We just never know....

 

[[dr...]]

Hi all...woke up w dreadsies and it carried over into major wave.  Pure panicky and it is terrible.  Worst wave in a long while.  Took small dose of propranolol and am going to meditate.

[[dr...]]

Okay...that was f'n horrific.  Getting hit with mental and physical stuff at the same time.  Beta blocker at least slowed physical down.  Have to take the parents for massages.  Just passing the time.

[[be...]]

Sorry drew. I got hit also.

[[Sk...]]

Sky- Right after the two year mark is when I felt healed. My first withdrawal was more predictable than this one, I'm so up and down now that I know nothing about it . Just when I think I'm turning a healing corner I get slammed.

I was going good day bad day for a while...that ended. I just had a nice two days of feeling normal, today I'm wavy with anxiety and feel revved up...yesterday I felt in slow motion and calm.

I also feel I will take longer this time around....but we never know.

 

I do know the mental symptoms get less intense over time, but jump back in the game when you least expect it.

Never thought I would ever be going through this again.

I wouldn't be here today if I'd had grief counseling. I lost my mom and my sister and just felt like I couldn't deal with it. Talking about your feelings to someone you trust I think is the best therapy anyone could have.

 

We just never know....

 

Beulah, sorry to hear about your loss and the pain you have been through. Bereavement is hard. And society expects us to heal super soon and we don't get the time to grieve and heal appropriately.

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ...

 

Took some time off ... seems I needed to get my head around a few things ... again ...

 

And I turn 68 tomorrow ...

 

Seems I needed a few days for some reflection ... and to decide if I wanted/needed to continue participating on BB ... seems I got this "thought" in my head that I could speed my healing up if I made some changes ... and it was a big "thought" ... had to sit and walk with it for a couple of days to see where it would go ...

 

And ... it was another "benzo thought" ... another tease ... another phantom ...

 

Arrived at the conclusion ... if it ain't broke, don't fix it ...

 

So ... here I am ... 

 

 

[[dr...]]

Happy early birthday and welcome back. I enjoy your company but if you go because you felt it was the right decision if support try miss you.

 

Had some might good panic during first half of massage and then settled down. I love that moment during a terrible attack when you can actually think of something else besides dying for even a second. That's when I know it's fading. 

 

This is the really intense stuff I get usually a day after migraine. It started two days after this time. The relentless panic/anxiety usually breaks around four.  Even  knowing a bit of the pattern is so helpful. I keep repeating that I've been here many times before and it will leave.

 

Having lunch and will be a couch day. If I feel better I'll go out to eat w folks.

[[...]]

Quite a lot of suffering at the moment. I feel for you all as Ive been lurking but felt too shitty to post, didnt even have the energy or clarity to type. I'm 15 months today, so thats another month of crap but another to chalk off. Honestly my head has felt like its in a vice all day after waking up reasonable but so tired. My ears have been bothersome, blocked, tight, I wonder if it comes from my neck. This is just nonsence. Id say that this last month has been particularly hard, I pray it doesnt get any worse. Really thought this would be over by now. My own whinging is doing my head in. Sorry, cant think straight

[[No...]]

Drew ... sounds like quite a "symptom party" ... hopefully things will settle down for you shortly ... we know the drill ... 

[[No...]]

Marj ... yep ... good possibility that the neck tightness is driving things ... it does for me ... can you try some heat on it ... or sometimes I use an ibuprofen when the neck/head stuff gets real loud ... even helps sometimes ...

 

 

[[Si...]]

Lunch was ok today. I did the pretend everything Is fine act. We went to Red Lobster.  I haven't been there in probably almost 20 years. In laws wanted to go there.

 

Yup it seems like a lot of us are having a tough day today. I have pulsing going up my upper back and neck. I can feel my heart beat through it. A new symptom showed up about two weeks ago. I've been getting nauseated / queasy lately. We're watching Korean dramas on Netflix. Sorry that everyone is having a bad day. Hang in there Drew. Hope your parents being around helps some.

[[Si...]]

Happy birthday Nova, glad you're sticking around!

[[...]]

Good to see you back nova. Yes another benzo trick trying to take you away from here. This is a good group and you are valued here. I know sometimes we just get sick to death of benzo wd, but here we are fully understood, we need that.

I just took ibuprofen.... need some relief.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY fo tomorrow. Hope your day brings some brightness 

[[...]]

Marj..  vent away.  cry a river.  I think venting, crying and getting mad at this torture is actually pretty healing. Racksha started a new support thread all about sharing feelings and emotions. It looks great. ..  It has to be so very difficult.  like  eyond human to have to go to work while being thrown around by sx. ... I hope your wave rolls out enough over the weekend to give you a chance to rest and catch your breath.

...You have come so far Marj... things should ease up a bit in the next few months. Vent and cry away. I am with ya on the crying.  I still cry every day.  Then I feel a little better

..  Sending you thoughts for some rest and a decent sunbreak.  coop

 

 

 

Thanks for your encouragement coop. Ive seen rackshas group. I think I may join when my brain lets me think a bit clearer. Today it has felt numbed. I'm glad you are getting more breaks. It wont be long now,  I truly believe that 

[[be...]]

Sky- Right after the two year mark is when I felt healed. My first withdrawal was more predictable than this one, I'm so up and down now that I know nothing about it . Just when I think I'm turning a healing corner I get slammed.

I was going good day bad day for a while...that ended. I just had a nice two days of feeling normal, today I'm wavy with anxiety and feel revved up...yesterday I felt in slow motion and calm.

I also feel I will take longer this time around....but we never know.

 

I do know the mental symptoms get less intense over time, but jump back in the game when you least expect it.

Never thought I would ever be going through this again.

I wouldn't be here today if I'd had grief counseling. I lost my mom and my sister and just felt like I couldn't deal with it. Talking about your feelings to someone you trust I think is the best therapy anyone could have.

 

We just never know....

 

Beulah, sorry to hear about your loss and the pain you have been through. Bereavement is hard. And society expects us to heal super soon and we don't get the time to grieve and heal appropriately.

 

Thank you Sky.